Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!

[Smoutwortel]

Granted, but some archmage reflects the curse back to you.

I wish for a tasty meal.

Granted the tasty meal is your hearth, but very nicely prepared.

I wish to be transported to the hospital to recover from my injuries of the safe explosion.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Wait, didn’t you just say the explosion was safe? What happened to all your limbs, then? …a genie, you say? …out of a cannon, you say? All the way here? …well, I suppose in that case it’s a miracle you even survived. At any rate, now that you’re conscious, let’s go over your physical therapy schedule…

I wish for two delicious hot dogs.

[oogaboogagoblin]

granted! you aren now the proud owner of two poodles that are on fire, they taste delicous

i wish for the power of god and anime

[Rogan]

i wish for the power of god and anime

Granted, but now you are forced by cosmic laws to grant wishes and listen to prayers, while fighting a huge number of hellish enemy's.

I wish I would be payed for 10 hours a day while working two.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! You are now an independent contractor. For every ten billable hours, it takes two hours of unpaid work to successfully process a payment.

I wish for a week of vegetarian meals.

[Smoutwortel]

Granted! You are now an independent contractor. For every ten billable hours, it takes two hours of unpaid work to successfully process a payment.

I wish for a week of vegetarian meals.

Granted one week a year vegetarian meals march over the roof tops making very loud chanting noises at night.

I wish to be less scary.

[Rogan]

I wish to be less scary.

Granted. You are now really cute. As in, like a puppy. Exactly like a puppy.

I wish I someone new would join the Wilder West WW game .

[oogaboogagoblin]

granted, a bunch of discord admins join and turn it into extremely erotic roleplay

i wish for music recommendations

[Bucky]

Granted, here's a long list of music you've never heard of, that I recommend not listening to.

I wish for an Order of the Stick animated TV series.

[Rogan]

I wish for an Order of the Stick animated TV series.

Granted, but we need to change the plot a bit. Right now, it's way too complicated with all these recurring villains with complex motivation. Oh, and your favorite character? Sorry, we had to cut him.

I wish for better weather.

[Gold Leaf]

Granted, but you spend too long enjoying it and get a sunburn.

I wish for a brand new car.

[Smoutwortel]

Granted, but you spend too long enjoying it and get a sunburn.

I wish for a brand new car.

It's a piece of garbage that requires constant maintenance to keep running, but you still pay full tax for it.

I wish for free time.

[bug_sniper]

You come across a hotel in a bubble of distorted spacetime that slows down the passage if time so that 1 real world second is 30 minutes inside it. You can enter it and stay as long as you want for free, but it's run as a business and the receptionists charge you for everything you do inside it. You have to pay for food, technology, rented furniture, bedding, electricity and internet and phone service and even for the air you breathe inside. Also, there's a resort fee that they'll sneak into your bill unless you demand to have it waived.

I wish for an algorithm that determines the best possible investment for me.

[Bucky]

The algorithm suggests you acquire four tons of various commercial explosives and get the largest life insurance policy available.

I wish for a cure for cancer.

[Gold Leaf]

The algorithm suggests you acquire four tons of various commercial explosives and get the largest life insurance policy available.

I wish for a cure for cancer.

You get a cure for Hyalinizing Clear Cell Carcinoma, the no.1 rarest cancer in the world with only 52 cases.

I wish for faster internet speeds.

[bug_sniper]

Granted. Your internet browser now reads your mind to figure out what you're going to want to do and bring you the site content before you touch the screen or mouse. However, your wish has unlocked mind-reading technology for the world. The thought police now screen people for terrorist intentions and people are routinely arrested for thinking bad things about the president. You're now responsible for your own thoughts in this next-generation dystopia.

I wish every stock market was open 24 hours per day 7 days every week.

[Dire Moose]

Granted. The global economy is now ruined as a result of bad decisions brought on by severe insomnia on the part of the stock traders.

I wish I could learn and use magic.

[Rogan]

I wish I could learn and use magic.

Sure, here you go. It's not very powerful, but extremely taxing for your mind and body. To make things worse, nobody believes you, even if you try to prove that it's real magic.

I wish I could amplify the magic power of Dire Moose.

[bug_sniper]

Granted. You amplify her power by giving up some of your own. You are now in a state of being 15 years older than you were.

Granted. The global economy is now ruined as a result of bad decisions brought on by severe insomnia on the part of the stock traders.

I wish I could find an investment that profits off of the now-ruined economy.

[Bucky]

I'd suggest investing in funeral homes and a coffin manufacturer, soon to be popular among your friends.

I wish for a secure vault for my plentiful lucre.

[Rogan]

I wish for a secure vault for my plentiful lucre.

Granted. It's one of the most secure places in the world. Unfortunately, it costs a fortune to rent, so even using all your belongings, you can only afford it for a weak. On the bright side, after this time you won't need such a secure place anymore.

I wish more people would play mafia games, which can be found in the structured games subsection of the forum. One of them has just started to recruit.

[TwilightSandwic]

Granted, a billion people try and log into the structured games subsection of the forum at the same time and crash the servers.


I wish my dog wouldn't wake me up at strange hours.

[Persolus]

Granted, it will now wake you up at regular hours - i.e. every two hours at regular intervals.

I wish I could always say the right thing to make people feel good.

[Bucky]

Granted, but they'll be furious at you later when they find out you lied.

I wish for a weapon that can slay any foe.

[Rogan]

I wish for a weapon that can slay any foe.

Granted. This rusty spoon is technically capable of slaying every foe. But the amount of force required to do so is beyond most mortals.

I wish I could fix every hardware problem with a single look. (No touch or other action necessary, just looking at this device)

[DisavowedPaladi]

Granted. This rusty spoon is technically capable of slaying every foe. But the amount of force required to do so is beyond most mortals.

I wish I could fix every hardware problem with a single look. (No touch or other action necessary, just looking at this device)

Granted. You render hardware problems sterile instantly. Great for preventing nanites from replicating out of control or something. I can see why you wanted this in order to stay the advance of a potential technological singularity. Thank you.

I wish for something with the sound effect of “Spork”

[somethingrandom]

Granted a floating bat made of a rubber like material that is immune to every attempt you make to harm or contain it appears and starts beating you to death and bouncy nature of the bat this will be a slow and painful death. When it hits you it makes the sound effect “Spork”

I wish DisavowedPaladi had a way of defending himself from the bat I just inflicted upon him

[Rogan]

Granted a floating bat made of a rubber like material that is immune to every attempt you make to harm or contain it appears and starts beating you to death and bouncy nature of the bat this will be a slow and painful death. When it hits you it makes the sound effect “Spork”

I wish DisavowedPaladi had a way of defending himself from the bat I just inflicted upon him

Granted. This way is using you as a living shield to take all the blows.

I wish for free wishes.

[bug_sniper]

Granted. Wishes are now free from your command and obedience and are now free to refuse you what you ask and wish of them.

I wish I knew which sinister entity it is that makes motorcycles louder than cars.

[Gold Leaf]

Granted. You now work for a sleazy company that makes motorcycle engines. The work environment is terrible, anti-union posters litter the walls, and worst of all, the noise is deafening.

I wish for the greatest pillow fort of all time.