Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 13: This Is A Banned List Not A Drinking Game

[Anonymouswizard]

I feel like 'high fantasy insurance fraud/fraud investigation' would be both fitting and entertaining in a Discworld game.

I'm fairly certain that the Thieve's Guild puts a lot of work into clamping down on it. In-sewer-ants brings them a lot of money for not stealing things.

* Shouting At Foreigners should not be my only, or even just my highest, social skill.

[TeChameleon]

* May not specifically craft my backstory so that my character is an orphan but cannot possibly be lost royalty by making them a former servant or maid of a respected royal bloodline that has existed for generations and has confirmed heirs
** May not specify that the royal family are descendants of someone that usurped another family that was a completely different race than my own just to make sure the GM cannot try to link me to the previous dynasty in some distant manner
*** May not further specify how all the other royal families of nearby neighboring kingdoms aren't the same race as me either just to make sure I'm not a lost heir of them either.
**** If the GM has to hypothetically contrive it that I'm actually royalty of a completely different plane of existence if they were ever to try it at all, I might be overdoing it a little.

... DMs seem to have way too much fun with the whole 'unknown royalty' thing. I had a character that nearly got stuffed onto an unwanted imperial throne (only didn't because I wanted to keep playing the character), and eventually became their own grandpa (times who-knows-how-many-greats) and becoming a legendary king in the past, courtesy of time travel nonsense.

[ideasmith]

My opening move in the mele can't be trying to drink one of the enemies.

Not even if the enemy in question is liquid and adjacent at the time of said opening move.

[dspeyer]

My opening move in the mele can't be trying to drink one of the enemies.

* Unless I'm a vampire

[Lord Raziere]

... DMs seem to have way too much fun with the whole 'unknown royalty' thing. I had a character that nearly got stuffed onto an unwanted imperial throne (only didn't because I wanted to keep playing the character), and eventually became their own grandpa (times who-knows-how-many-greats) and becoming a legendary king in the past, courtesy of time travel nonsense.

* my former maid characters response to the kingdom or royal family they served being in trouble may not be "oh that makes sense, their feudal royalty they get into wars like every summer or so." in a nonchalant manner
** If after saving the kingdom from whatever threat was after them may not turn down the king's offer of marriage to their prince by pointing out that I wrote down that my maid is a lesbian in their backstory from the very start
*** if the princess I was childhood friends with suddenly proclaims their love for me out of nowhere after I turn down the previous offer and declare they will adopt children for heirs if need be then I know for sure that the GM is going out of their way to put me on the throne.
**** may not try to convince the princess to abandon her position so that she can live a life of freedom and adventure with me instead if she loves me so much.

[Telwar]

... DMs seem to have way too much fun with the whole 'unknown royalty' thing. I had a character that nearly got stuffed onto an unwanted imperial throne (only didn't because I wanted to keep playing the character), and eventually became their own grandpa (times who-knows-how-many-greats) and becoming a legendary king in the past, courtesy of time travel nonsense.

* I am no longer allowed to "do the nasty in the pasty."

[Anonymouswizard]

* If I cannot fimd a way to represent my medical condition in the rules my character may not share it.
* There are no legitimate reasons to cry out 'I stab him with my eyes!'

[Rockphed]

* There are no legitimate reasons to cry out 'I stab him with my eyes!'

I am pretty sure that is called a glare.

** Eye stabs may be ranged attacks, but they do no damage.

[KorvinStarmast]

I am pretty sure that is called a glare.

** Eye stabs may be ranged attacks, but they do no damage.

A recent session revealed that if looks could maim, my bard would need a regeneration spell. The party warlock glared at my bard.

* I (bard) may no longer prank the crowd without telling all of the rest of my party first.

** Turning the paladin into a Giant Ape so that my bard can play the role of Ann Darrow (Fay Wray), in our re enactment of "King Kong climbs the building" as a surprise ending to the performance I just did (queen in attendance), should not be a surprise to the sorcerer and warlock - they promptly attacked the giant ape! (I had to call the warlock off, telling him "I'm just pranking the crowd, the giant ape is our paladin, this is a show" .. which earned me The Glare).

[PhoenixPhyre]

A recent session revealed that if looks could maim, my bard would need a regeneration spell. The party warlock glared at my bard.

* I (bard) may no longer prank the crowd without telling all of the rest of my party first.

** Turning the paladin into a Giant Ape so that my bard can play the role of Ann Darrow (Fay Wray), in our re enactment of "King Kong climbs the building" as a surprise ending to the performance I just did (queen in attendance), should not be a surprise to the sorcerer and warlock - they promptly attacked the giant ape! (I had to call the warlock off, telling him "I'm just pranking the crowd, the giant ape is our paladin, this is a show" .. which earned me The Glare).

And, speaking as the DM, it was glorious to behold. Everyone acted just right. Even the dragon playing the part of biplane (she figured out that it was a prank, so was playing along).

[danielxcutter]

…You *€£^ers did WHAT? I need context. Now.

[Anonymouswizard]

I am pretty sure that is called a glare.

No, I meant literally stab. You'd need pointed corneas, and those are a very bad thing in real life.

* If I take the drawback 'Bad Eyes (glasses correctable)' I cannot spend my entire starting wealth on a light pistol, a bus pass, and as many sets of contacts as I can.
** As a GM, cannot have a critical failure cause a character's contact lens to fall out.

[PhoenixPhyre]

…You *€£^ers did WHAT? I need context. Now.

If you're talking about KorvinStarmast & my comments, here's some context

Spoiler

Show

I'm the DM for a game where he plays a bard. They're about level 13, which for the setting is legendary (for adventurers). They'd just finished a longer, stressful mission and were in downtime (except parts played out for character development.

His bard decided to put on a big performance, using up contacts she'd made earlier, in the capital city of one of the major nations. He coordinated with me in advance about the stunt, and coordinated with the party's paladin of Glory (who happens to be a halfling). But did not tell the rest of the party (the hexblade warlock or the sorcerer).

I threw in a bunch of NPC reactions, including the queen of that country (who happens to be a wizard and a former adventurer), a dragon (brass, whom the party had rescued/helped earlier and who hoards stories, also a long-ago adventurer transformed permanently via divine miracle), and the Immortal Bard (another former adventurer, whose divine miracle was agelessness, and who, along with the dragon, has quite a reputation in that area).

Concert went excellently, quite showy. Happened in an amphitheatre on an island in the middle of a river through the city, near a large tower belonging to the highest high-elven house of the nation. Who, as things had turned out, had been secretly brought in on things via bribery by one of the contacts. At that point they thought it was just going to be a light show. The sorcerer decided to play along with the show, doing things like illusions, fireballs, and walls of fire for visual effect.

At the end, they did some sleight of hand to transform the paladin, who was waiting in the wings, into a Giant Ape, who picked up the bard. At this point, the sorcerer and warlock, who didn't know the plan, jumped into combat mode (seeing their ally grabbed by a monster out of nowhere). The Immortal Bard figured out that it was a prank (having seen the polymorph cast) and called off the sorcerer after a lightning bolt or so, but the warlock? Kept chasing the Ape as it ran to the tower and climbed. The dragon, playing along once it figured out what happened, picked up the sorcerer and started buzzing the tower, which was all lit up so they were in full view of the entire city. Eventually the warlock got called off (after nearly breaking the polymorph) and jumped, thunder stepping at the last minute to avoid fall damage.

Basically, they then replicated the movie, with the ape-woman bonding (not bondage, that's different) scene, jumping off the tower, and ending the polymorph by casting invisibility on the paladin.

The queen, having put up detect magic, saw the whole thing and was just :popcorn:.

They're now...more famous than they already were. Biggest event of the decade in that city. Although the mechanical gnomes and the resulting 3-day firework show earlier that year...it's been an eventful summer for Crisial City.

[danielxcutter]

If you're talking about KorvinStarmast & my comments, here's some context

Spoiler

Show

I'm the DM for a game where he plays a bard. They're about level 13, which for the setting is legendary (for adventurers). They'd just finished a longer, stressful mission and were in downtime (except parts played out for character development.

His bard decided to put on a big performance, using up contacts she'd made earlier, in the capital city of one of the major nations. He coordinated with me in advance about the stunt, and coordinated with the party's paladin of Glory (who happens to be a halfling). But did not tell the rest of the party (the hexblade warlock or the sorcerer).

I threw in a bunch of NPC reactions, including the queen of that country (who happens to be a wizard and a former adventurer), a dragon (brass, whom the party had rescued/helped earlier and who hoards stories, also a long-ago adventurer transformed permanently via divine miracle), and the Immortal Bard (another former adventurer, whose divine miracle was agelessness, and who, along with the dragon, has quite a reputation in that area).

Concert went excellently, quite showy. Happened in an amphitheatre on an island in the middle of a river through the city, near a large tower belonging to the highest high-elven house of the nation. Who, as things had turned out, had been secretly brought in on things via bribery by one of the contacts. At that point they thought it was just going to be a light show. The sorcerer decided to play along with the show, doing things like illusions, fireballs, and walls of fire for visual effect.

At the end, they did some sleight of hand to transform the paladin, who was waiting in the wings, into a Giant Ape, who picked up the bard. At this point, the sorcerer and warlock, who didn't know the plan, jumped into combat mode (seeing their ally grabbed by a monster out of nowhere). The Immortal Bard figured out that it was a prank (having seen the polymorph cast) and called off the sorcerer after a lightning bolt or so, but the warlock? Kept chasing the Ape as it ran to the tower and climbed. The dragon, playing along once it figured out what happened, picked up the sorcerer and started buzzing the tower, which was all lit up so they were in full view of the entire city. Eventually the warlock got called off (after nearly breaking the polymorph) and jumped, thunder stepping at the last minute to avoid fall damage.

Basically, they then replicated the movie, with the ape-woman bonding (not bondage, that's different) scene, jumping off the tower, and ending the polymorph by casting invisibility on the paladin.

The queen, having put up detect magic, saw the whole thing and was just :popcorn:.

They're now...more famous than they already were. Biggest event of the decade in that city. Although the mechanical gnomes and the resulting 3-day firework show earlier that year...it's been an eventful summer for Crisial City.

Holy ****e. That’s some audacity.

[KorvinStarmast]

Holy ****e. That’s some audacity.

If you'd like a bit more detail I can PM you.

Spoiler: how it turned into an ad hoc bit of fun

Show

I had sent the plan for the stunt to the DM since we had to engage some NPCs to get the right venue, stage, props, etc. (Contacts had been made via "XGTE Carousing" initially-they were the show's promoters). The paladin and I had to do some pre planning on discord, but RL had made doing 'out of session' stuff hard for the other two players, and, crucially, I was Not Going To Be at the session due to RL party for my wife. Our RL party for my wife ended up closing out early, I drop into Discord, thinking the paladin player and DM would have narrated the show to the others, and just wanted to see how things had gone for the session. I got "let's play this out" so we did.
Great fun.

How I set up the stunt with various bard skills and various spells I made sure to go into a lot of detail so the DM would see how I was going from one thing to the other. It's in a pdf document

[thorr-kan]

Holy ****e. That’s some audacity.

Players like that are *WHY* we DM.

And drink. But mostly DM.

[Rater202]

*After killing the necromancer, we have to kill his slaymate.
**We cannot keep the slaymate.
***She is an undead abomination driven by rage at the death caused by abuse and/or neglect from a trusted guardian, not "our adorable new mascot."
****I cannot make a point of tucking her in and reading her bedtime stories every night.
*****I cannot legally adopt her.
******Any druid or good-aligned cleric we encounter will probably try to destroy her on sight.
*******No one in the party uses metamagic feats or necromancy spells for frick's sake.

[danielxcutter]

*After killing the necromancer, we have to kill his slaymate.
**We cannot keep the slaymate.
***She is an undead abomination driven by rage at the death caused by abuse and/or neglect from a trusted guardian, not "our adorable new mascot."
****I cannot make a point of tucking her in and reading her bedtime stories every night.
*****I cannot legally adopt her.
******Any druid or good-aligned cleric we encounter will probably try to destroy her on sight.
*******No one in the party uses metamagic feats or necromancy spells for frick's sake.

If you can’t take advantage of her doesn’t that make it a better thing to do?

[Telok]

* May no longer get the DM to approve a character while drunk.
** May no longer insist the 8 int, 8 wis, 8 cha participate in social activities.
*** May not roll so much better than the buffed bard that NPCs need to get their sexual preferences retconned to "loud ugly smelly fur loincloth wearing lardball with no table manners".
**** May not have any character where "don't image search this" is part of the conversation or description.
***** May no longer have characters where a successful seduction check leads to NPCs having to make fear saves.

[KorvinStarmast]

**** May not have any character where "don't image search this" is part of the conversation or description.
***** May no longer have characters where a successful seduction check leads to NPCs having to make fear saves.

Fun. That's what it's all about.

[GravityEmblem]

May no longer kidnap an Elf king at a peaceful negotiation, leading to a full-scale war between the humans and Elves eventually resulting in the total collapse of the Elf kingdom.

[Wookieetank]

*Water elementals are not weak to straws
**Or sponges.
*Stone to flesh on an earth elemental, while allowed, is messy

[Calthropstu]

*I am no longer allowed to place prismatic walls behind illusions.
**Especially if that illusion shows what is normally in the room.
***This holds doubly true if the room happens to be the inn room where the characters are staying.

[Rater202]

*I cannot run a game that can accurately be summarized as "use Metal Gears to fight the Reapers from Mass Effect."
**Commander Shepard is not in any conceivable way descended from Big Boss.
***I cannot cite the fact that the Poker Night at the Inventory series states that Brock Samson is a descendent of Ash Williams to support my theory that Shepard is descended from Big Boss.
****The military-grade gene mods to improve strength, toughness, and recovery are not the perfect versions of the Big Boss-derived gene mods used to create the Genome Soldiers.
*****The entire point was that genes aren't as important as training and experience.
******Cannot point out that Big Boss and his clones demonstrably possess superhuman physical characteristics and thus the idea that he has "perfect soldier genes" does in fact have a degree of merit, especially in a world with superpower granting gene enhancements, biotech, and Nanomachines, son.
*******"Nanomachines, son" is not a proper noun.
********I must stop attaching ", son" to the end of every instance of the word "Nanomachines..."
*********..., son.

[Lord Raziere]

* May not respond to anything Metal Gear related with "Last Days of Foxhound did that universe better"

* May not parody the "genetic super-soldier" concept by making a person genetically engineered to be the world's best Uno player
** may not make the world's best uno player act like Perfect Cell
*** May not have all the genes from the best uno playing races in the galaxy

* May not make a Toxic Friendship Beam
** Or run my machines on the power of Abusive Family
*** Or defeat the villain with the power of One-Sided Love
**** May not subvert defeating villains with abstract concepts into twisted versions of themselves that also exist.

* Eberron Shifters are not catgirls

[noob]

***** Can not defeat villains with the power of school bullying either even if it is arguably less horrible than killing them.

[Bohandas]

* May not parody the "genetic super-soldier" concept by making a person genetically engineered to be the world's best Uno player

**Also may not create a race of super-hippies to protest the super-soldiers

[noob]

**Also may not create a race of super-hippies to protest the super-soldiers

*** I may not think about making a game where it is discovered that the genes for being a super hippie are not as important for being super intensely peaceful as are finding the right weeds to smoke or as reaching the right state of mind through "Oh man I wish I could explain how I got in this state but it is righteous" and which ends up with a super hippie getting depressed about not being as peaceful as an hippie could be.
**** No it is not a good idea to make remakes of all the metal gear games but with super hippies and peace rallies instead of super soldiers and giant warbots.

[Lord Raziere]

* "Fireball" is not Draconic for "Screw everything in a 20ft radius that way"
** Nor is Lightning Bolt's verbal component "Screw Everything in Front of My Finger."
*** Disintegrate's and Finger of Death's real names are not "Screw That Guy Hard In Particular" and "Screw him so hard his corpse feels sorry for attacking" respectively.
**** Meteor Swarm's real name is not "Screw everything in that general area"

*May not make an "Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things" that never runs out of cards
** May not make it a cursed item that binds itself to you when you pick it up
*** May not make it so that you can only get rid of it by deceiving others into buying it from you in a dishonest trade.
**** May not make it try to compel you to draw a card from it with a will save once every day.

* My WH40k character may not be a primitive tribal human speaking a language evolved from chatspeak and internet lingo while wearing emoji masks

[DCraw]

*May not make an "Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things" that never runs out of cards
** May not make it a cursed item that binds itself to you when you pick it up
*** May not make it so that you can only get rid of it by deceiving others into buying it from you in a dishonest trade.
**** May not make it try to compel you to draw a card from it with a will save once every day.

That is possibly truly the most evil cursed item ever created... May I sig it?