Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 13: This Is A Banned List Not A Drinking Game

[Lord Raziere]

That is possibly truly the most evil cursed item ever created... May I sig it?

Go ahead.

* May not make this an actual magic homebrew item
** May not put it on a halfling merchant who tries to sell it to you with "hey! Wanna buy a pack of cards!?"
*** May not have them say "only ten gold!" as the starting price
**** May not have say "sold!" at the first price you name, no matter how low
***** may not put this NPC in front of the players at level 1

[DCraw]

Go ahead.

* May not make this an actual magic homebrew item
** May not put it on a halfling merchant who tries to sell it to you with "hey! Wanna buy a pack of cards!?"
*** May not have them say "only ten gold!" as the starting price
**** May not have say "sold!" at the first price you name, no matter how low
***** may put this NPC in front of the players at level 1

*May not do (****) and then adjust he curse to "must sell at a loss" (ala the bottle imp)
** May not then be surprised if the first thing the players try is to see if Dominate Person works (or if a compelled contract is void)

[danielxcutter]

Would leaving in good options be more evil or would making them all suck be worse?

[DCraw]

Would leaving in good options be more evil or would making them all suck be worse?

Depends on the Wis save not to draw, I guess.

[Lord Raziere]

Would leaving in good options be more evil or would making them all suck be worse?

I dunno, I just was like "oh the Deck of Many Things, how can I make this worse?" like to me the entire point is that its a magic item that perpetuates suffering even in the way you give it to someone else, because you have to lie about what your selling so that who gets it will be screwed by doing so. like powerful enough magic would probably just stop the madness, because thats the solution to everything. like I wondered about a more honest way to sell it off, but I'm just wondering what the tradeoff to that would be, because the current thought idea is that if your tell someone what your selling honestly it doesn't work so the more people that know what it is, the less people you can sell it to unless you come up with a different way to trick them into buying the deck. and now that I think about it prevents the players from buying or getting it back from anyone, so once they sell it off once they're technically rid of it forever unless someone with it travels with them, so maybe a way to sell it honestly would be something to consider. dominate person would probably work, because its adding mind control on top of it so only cause an npc to be angry at you for screwing them over two ways and not just one, so even if the players try to cheese a quick sell-off, there's story potential there. of course dominate person could then be attempted to be used to make the PCs take back the deck at some other point, so ways around it both ways!

* May not try to think all the ways The Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things could be solved and try to put in rules details or advice for all them to make things as interesting as possible.

[Wookieetank]

* May not try to think all the ways The Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things could be solved and try to put in rules details or advice for all them to make things as interesting as possible.

**May not have it as a recurring item that just keeps showing up in different guises so that the party has to keep finding new ways to get rid of it.
***Turning The Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things into an entire campaign will deck your alignment, doesn't matter that you're the DM.

[DCraw]

I dunno, I just was like "oh the Deck of Many Things, how can I make this worse?" like to me the entire point is that its a magic item that perpetuates suffering even in the way you give it to someone else, because you have to lie about what your selling so that who gets it will be screwed by doing so. like powerful enough magic would probably just stop the madness, because thats the solution to everything. like I wondered about a more honest way to sell it off, but I'm just wondering what the tradeoff to that would be, because the current thought idea is that if your tell someone what your selling honestly it doesn't work so the more people that know what it is, the less people you can sell it to unless you come up with a different way to trick them into buying the deck. and now that I think about it prevents the players from buying or getting it back from anyone, so once they sell it off once they're technically rid of it forever unless someone with it travels with them, so maybe a way to sell it honestly would be something to consider. dominate person would probably work, because its adding mind control on top of it so only cause an npc to be angry at you for screwing them over two ways and not just one, so even if the players try to cheese a quick sell-off, there's story potential there. of course dominate person could then be attempted to be used to make the PCs take back the deck at some other point, so ways around it both ways!

* May not try to think all the ways The Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things could be solved and try to put in rules details or advice for all them to make things as interesting as possible.

I like turning it into a bottle imp, so each successive buyer gets one "free" Wish card on the top - but if the buyer dies with the deck still in their possession they are sent directly to Hell (and resurrection magic is useless on them). Then the fun begins. That wish is perverted as is standard with Djinni wishes. Then the next day rolls around, Wis save vs draw, drawing to happen at sunset. The party has the day to try to dispose of the cards. Any bargain they enter into to sell the deck for more than they paid fails. They keep the gold (subject to NPC disagreement), but the deck returns to their possession magically. Similarly, any bargain struck while the counterparty was under magical influence is void - again, party keeps the gold but gets the cards back. The only way to dispose of the deck is to sell to an informed willing buyer for less than they paid.

The idea of what is arguably the physical embodiment of chaos as a concept being bound by strict laws is hilarious to me, though, so your mileage may vary.

[danielxcutter]

**May not have it as a recurring item that just keeps showing up in different guises so that the party has to keep finding new ways to get rid of it.
***Turning The Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things into an entire campaign will deck your alignment, doesn't matter that you're the DM.

*wheezes*

I like turning it into a bottle imp, so each successive buyer gets one "free" Wish card on the top - but if the buyer dies with the deck still in their possession they are sent directly to Hell (and resurrection magic is useless on them). Then the fun begins. That wish is perverted as is standard with Djinni wishes. Then the next day rolls around, Wis save vs draw, drawing to happen at sunset. The party has the day to try to dispose of the cards. Any bargain they enter into to sell the deck for more than they paid fails. They keep the gold (subject to NPC disagreement), but the deck returns to their possession magically. Similarly, any bargain struck while the counterparty was under magical influence is void - again, party keeps the gold but gets the cards back. The only way to dispose of the deck is to sell to an informed willing buyer for less than they paid.

The idea of what is arguably the physical embodiment of chaos as a concept being bound by strict laws is hilarious to me, though, so your mileage may vary.

I thought imps were LE.

[Lord Torath]

*May not make an "Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things" that never runs out of cards

**May not point out that this is just the standard Deck of Many Things, at least through 2nd Edition (with the exception of the Jester and Fool cards, which did not return to the deck when drawn).

[KorvinStarmast]

I dunno, I just was like "oh the Deck of Many Things, how can I make this worse?"

Brilliant.

Spoiler: The deck, trauma

Show

The first time I ever drew from a deck of many things, in Original D&D(+Greyhawk) a specter came out and attacked me. Here's the really fun part: on a successful hit a specter drains 2, count 'em 2, experience levels from a PC. I walked away a wiser, weaker, magic user.

[danielxcutter]

Anyone who considers a Deck of Many Things to be fun in any edition after 2e mid-campaign does not sound like a good DM.

[KorvinStarmast]

Anyone who considers a Deck of Many Things to be fun in any edition after 2e mid-campaign does not sound like a good DM.

Some tables like random and whacky stuff happening. Some players thrive on it. Our bard (we finally got back in the saddle last night) player is one such. He likes crazy/chaos stuff. Our wizard just likes to kill stuff.

[Calthropstu]

Some tables like random and whacky stuff happening. Some players thrive on it. Our bard (we finally got back in the saddle last night) player is one such. He likes crazy/chaos stuff. Our wizard just likes to kill stuff.

I just thought up the greatest campaign idea.

People are disappearing. Others just die. Some disappear but are found wealthy beyond their wildest dreams. Others have their property destroyed and their lives ruined. Some suddenly proclaim their wildest wish came true. In addition, strange monsters seem to have been unleashed in the area. The land is calling for heroes to investigate and fix this strange phenomenon.

Eventually the culprit seems to be some sort of insane street magician doing card tricks with a Deck. "Pick a card, any card" leads to a deck draw. But the result happens on a 24 hour timer.

,Each night the street magician travels to a new town via magic. Fun.

[Rater202]

**Commander Shepard is not in any conceivable way descended from Big Boss.

*Cannot propose a timeline wherein Shepard is the great-great-great-great-grandchild of Johnny and Meryl.
**Cannot point out that, having been part of Liquid's forces in Metal Gear Solid, Johnny is almost certainly a member of the Next-Generation Special Forces and thus, a "Genome Soldier" enhanced with Big Boss's DNA.
***Cannot then go on to cite the fact that it is known that at least one Genome Soldier test subject was modified against his will and the unethical and technically illegal nature of the experiments in general to cite that Johnny's known fear of needles would not prevent him from having been modified.
****I have to stop going out of my way to tie different settings together for the sake of roleplays.

[KorvinStarmast]

I just thought up the greatest campaign idea.

People are disappearing. Others just die. Some disappear but are found wealthy beyond their wildest dreams. Others have their property destroyed and their lives ruined. Some suddenly proclaim their wildest wish came true. In addition, strange monsters seem to have been unleashed in the area. The land is calling for heroes to investigate and fix this strange phenomenon.

Eventually the culprit seems to be some sort of insane street magician doing card tricks with a Deck. "Pick a card, any card" leads to a deck draw. But the result happens on a 24 hour timer.

,Each night the street magician travels to a new town via magic. Fun.

The chances that I steal this are pretty high ...

[Anonymouswizard]

Honestly, I could see myself using a Deck of Many Things in an Unknown Armies game. It's exactly the kind of thing an Entropomancer would create. When your primary way to get Significant Charges is to risk your life some of the consequences seem more reasonable.

Note that if you know what Entropomancers are you likely wouldn't touch any of their magic items with a ten foot pole anyway. Their entire school revolves around chance and chaos. It's just safer for you to hand them a revolver, a bullet, and ask them to cast whatever spell you need than to muck around with the Fruit Machine of Unlikely Meetings.

[Lord Raziere]

* My Tarrasquer monks goal may not be to walk the path of ascendance to become a real tarrasque

* My Bulette Folk rogue's modus operandi may not just consist entirely of using my burrow speed to dig under buildings to get to the treasure then dig upwards, take it and go back through the hole
** Mostly because I can't dig through worked stone.

* My Scorpion Folk may not be surprising helpful and supportive or shy and defensive rather than anything dangerous or aggressive
** Despite scorpions being less aggressive and dangerous than everyone thinks they are

* May not insist that Cephalids, despite their appearance and mechanics are not actually the mindflayer expies
** Even if I'm correct and its actually the Phorcysites that are the mindflayer expies

* Noumenons unarmed strikes always count as magical. that doesn't mean that I can enchant my weapons to be magical as well by licking them so they're covered with my saliva.

* My Koox Collective may not just be the Megas XLR
** Or the TTGL
*** my TTGL Koox Collective may not carry around an oar as a weapon to "row row, fight the power"

* My Saguarin may not insist on hugs because they're lonely
** Mostly because they're living cacti.

* May not make the Valumin version of The Hulk
** May yell "Valumin BURN!" as I do so.

* My ARMET may not take the form of clothes and be obsessed with fashion
** Or be a bard on top of that.
*** My ARMET's ability to become the armor for someone else may not be a magical girl transformation sequence.

* May not play races from third party books.

[Rater202]

*I cannot use The Night Begins to Shine as background music for a magical girl transformation sequence.
**Not even if I use Puffy Ami Yumi's Japanese language cover.

[Laughing Dog]

*Our group should be more than 'A bunch of regenerating priests that can each Iron Heart Surge and disembowel dragons with their bare hands.'
**Sticking some of them on horses doesn't help the problem.
***Just because it removes their ability to use their bare hands a weapons doesn't lower their power level.

*The party's go to plan for any encounter should not be 'send the goblin to his death, then wait for the goblin to respawn, rinse, lather, repeat.'
**I am not to make Squee out of setting.
***I am not to make Squee in setting either.

[noob]

*Our group should be more than 'A bunch of regenerating priests that can each Iron Heart Surge and disembowel dragons with their bare hands.'
**Sticking some of them on horses doesn't help the problem.
***Just because it removes their ability to use their bare hands a weapons doesn't lower their power level.

*The party's go to plan for any encounter should not be 'send the goblin to his death, then wait for the goblin to respawn, rinse, lather, repeat.'
**I am not to make Squee out of setting.
***I am not to make Squee in setting either.

What is the build for the clerics (or priests if it is the priest class which is totally a different class) by curiosity?

[SpyOne]

like I wondered about a more honest way to sell it off, but I'm just wondering what the tradeoff to that would be, because the current thought idea is that if your tell someone what your selling honestly it doesn't work so the more people that know what it is, the less people you can sell it to unless you come up with a different way to trick them into buying the deck. and now that I think about it prevents the players from buying or getting it back from anyone, so once they sell it off once they're technically rid of it forever

There is no shortage of ways to trick someone into buying something they know they don't want, and most have the advantage that tricking you into buying something that you don't want cis inherently a dishonest trade.
Think of any time you can include "and all its contents" in a sale: a house, a business, a chest, a beer, ...

[Laughing Dog]

What is the build for the clerics (or priests if it is the priest class which is totally a different class) by curiosity?

It isn't actually D&D. It's one of the stupid/silly things you can do in Fire Emblem: Three Houses. If you're still interested, I'll leave details in the spoiler.

Spoiler

Show

In Three Houses, faith magic* based classes typically have religious connotations (of all the classes that require proficiency in faith magic, only two don't.). The bishop class, when mastered, grants the renewal ability; that restores 30 percent of the units max hp at the beginning of the turn.
One of the classes from the Cindered Shadows DLC, War Monk/War Cleric, requires B+ rank in brawling and ~ C/C+ rank in faith magic. It is a tanky class that is a brawling primary class. It is also the only way for female units to have the 'Unarmed Combat' ability in game.

Now, brawling (introduced in Three Houses) is absolutely broken. All brawling weapons attacks are considered to be 'brave' (attack twice instead of once[In Three Houses, this only occurs when attacking, not defending]), and combat arts are almost entirely universal (A rank depends on each unit.)
The combat art learned at B rank is called Healing Focus, and restores 50 percent of the users max hp. This can be used each turn. When I first discovered this my reaction was "Wait, did [name] just learn Iron Heart Surge?"

The four classes that allow magic used while being mounted notably do not allow for brawling while dismounted.

*white magic, essentially

[KorvinStarmast]

* I may no longer take my party's paladin with me when I (party bard) meet with an infernal (a fiend)
** I man no longer ask him to act as my agent when I make a deal, literally, with a devil.

Spoiler: why this matters

Show

I now get residuals/royalties and full song writer credits for the songs various performers were not paying me royalties for, on various non material planes, as they performed "something they heard" that I'd both written and performed before the (literally) grateful dead - a bunch of spirits we met in the plane of Shadow who I sang for after we finished an adventure

[Telok]

No longer allowed to have a cassowary animal companion after describing it as a "smaller, grumpier, ostrich". Snarky comparisons like "a hungry tiger shark is a smaller, grumpier, manta ray" and "a rabid wolf is a smaller, grumpier, saint bernard" will be made.

[Excession]

No longer allowed to have a cassowary animal companion after describing it as a "smaller, grumpier, ostrich". Snarky comparisons like "a hungry tiger shark is a smaller, grumpier, manta ray" and "a rabid wolf is a smaller, grumpier, saint bernard" will be made.

** Describing it as a "velociraptor in drag" isn't any better.

[Eldan]

** Describing it as a "velociraptor in drag" isn't any better.

Psh. Have you seen some illustrations of velociraptors these days? A cassowary is comparably drab.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Clothes might give DR 1, but I can't stack jumpers to survive point blank high explosives.
** Because setting off high explosives at point blank range should never be part of the plan.

[Lord Raziere]

* May not make a campaign called "We Are NOT Ninjas!" about a bunch of people who act like what people think ninjas are, but are frustrated by this because they know real ninja were nothing like them and are not connected in anyway and thus set out to prove to everyone that they are not ninjas
** May not call real ninjas "pyromania-obsessed spies with a lot of creativity"
*** May not call ourselves "flashy speedy shadow warriors who are too cool to do things smart."

* My next superhero may not be called "The Not-Vampire" who has all the powers and aesthetics of a vampire except without the need to drink blood thus not seeing themselves as one and constantly has to correct people that they aren't one.

* Nor may I make a campaign called "We Are NOT Pirates!" about a bunch of daring swashbuckling high seas adventurers who fight evil, go searching for treasure, defy authority and all the usual stuff but also have to prove they are not Pirates
** May not describe real pirates as "sea bandits who mostly just wave their cutlasses around threateningly in hopes they don't get into a fight"

* My Orc fighter concept may not be "a bunch of dwarves found her when she was a babe and decided that since she was being raised by dwarves that she therefore was a dwarf"
** Cannot have her constantly refer to herself as a dwarf even though she is an orc on the reasoning that "a dwarf is a dwarf, no matter how tall, green or tusked they are."
*** She then cannot call human bandits that attack her "orcs" and claim that orcs are a social construct.

[ideasmith]

* My response to my superhero character dying may not be: "She tells death she needs to be alive again; death sighs and gives her directions."
** Not even if my superhero character is based on Squirrel Girl.
*** My superhero character may not be based on Squirrel Girl.

[danielxcutter]

Didn’t she canonically beat up Thanos?