Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 13: This Is A Banned List Not A Drinking Game

[danielxcutter]

* If I can't fence it I'm not allowed to steal it.
** No matter how high my Larceny skill is.
*** This includes historic buildings, landmarks, and internal organs.

****Fencing with swords doesn't count either.

[noob]

****Fencing with swords doesn't count either.

*****Making a fence with it does not counts either.

[LecternOfJasper]

*May no longer describe the guy they picked up in the ancient sealed tomb as the "horribly evil snake king."
**Not even if they started doing it first.
***Just because it was incredibly obvious doesn't mean you have to admit it!

[Anonymouswizard]

*****Making a fence with it does not counts either.

****** Fencing as an artless euphemism definitely doesn't count.

[PhoenixPhyre]

****** Fencing as an artless euphemism definitely doesn't count.

******* Nor does the act of creating "a barrier, railing, or other upright structure, typically of wood or wire, to enclose an area of ground to mark a boundary, control access, or prevent escape."

[danielxcutter]

*May no longer describe the guy they picked up in the ancient sealed tomb as the "horribly evil snake king."
**Not even if they started doing it first.
***Just because it was incredibly obvious doesn't mean you have to admit it!

Wasn’t there a 3.5e module like that? Barrow of the King or something?

[Rater202]

The purpose of a time machine is not to have sex with famous people from before they were famous.

[danielxcutter]

The purpose of a time machine is not to have sex with famous people from before they were famous.

*That does not mean using it to have sex with people after they became famous is acceptable either.

**It’s a time machine goddamnit there’s got to be something more creative even for sexual purposes.

[Lord Raziere]

* May not learn time-space magic just so I can summon dinosaurs to fight for me
** May not try to solve all my problems with T-rexes.
*** My response to my enemies speeches may not be "Screw you I'm riding a pterodactyl!" and flying away.

* My next character concept may not be "action prosecutor with a gun"
** may not spout lines like "the prosecution...is locked and loaded."
*** May not try to actionize ace attorney character concepts
**** even if ace attorney prosecutors already act as if they're action characters with some of the things they do.
***** trials may not consist of showdowns at high noon with the defense or the accused.
****** Especially when all I seem to do is just be a detective who kills criminals
******* May not claim that the people I shot were "guilty as hell".

* May not obtain godlike power just so I can reset my journey and randomize the world so I can do it again but with more challenge.

* My next campaign idea may not be "Lets Destroy Warhammer 40,000".
** May not propose that if the Doom Slayer were to fight the entire Wh40k universe, that the Doom Slayer would win.

[Anonymouswizard]

* There are situations being a giant snake is not suitable for.
,** First dates are one of them.

[Rockphed]

* There are situations being a giant snake is not suitable for.
,** First dates are one of them.

You have forgotten rule 34*. Tsk. Tsk.

*If I describe my character as "having a girl in every port" I should expect some of them to be unhappy at seeing my female companions.

*There is no secret knowledge based on lice.

*I am not allowed to use my knowledge of real world electronics to shut down all the GMs attempts at technobabble.
**Real lasers might not travel as slow as arrows, but they also do not explode when they hit something.
***Aliens from the future are allowed to break science any way they want.

*I will not feed my dead comrades to the hungry monster in an attempt to tame it.

*34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

[danielxcutter]

I think you may have messed up the link, Rock.

Also I'm not the only one who's brain jumped to a different rule 34 right?

[Rater202]

My Illithid Savant cannot ea the brains of literally every monster we encounter.

[Anonymouswizard]

You have forgotten rule 34*. Tsk. Tsk.

No, rule 34 is a differentkind of giant snake and activities that are perfectly acceptable on a first date.

* My character's goal is not to go on a date with every other PC.

My Illithid Savant cannot ea the brains of literally every monster we encounter.

What's the point of being an Illithid then?

** My ordinary human can't eat the brains of literally every monster we encounter either.

[Rockphed]

I think you may have messed up the link, Rock.

Also I'm not the only one who's brain jumped to a different rule 34 right?

I meant to link to the evil overlord list. I had originally just planned to quote the entry, but when I saw it was entry 34 I could not resist messing with people.

* "I'm not obsessed, I'm just observant" falls flat when I know the villain's schedule better than the gm.

[TeChameleon]

* "I'm not obsessed, I'm just observant" falls flat when I know the villain's schedule better than the gm.

* Going too far the other way, so that you struggle to remember the villain even exists (both in- and out-of-character) isn't great either.

[ghbok]

* There is a limit to the number of ears I can give a character.

[Mandark]

* There is a limit to the number of ears I can give a character.

**While there is not YET a limit on the number of ears I can take, I should make sure That I know where I was going with this tangent before typing it.

[KorvinStarmast]

The purpose of a time machine is not to have sex with famous people from before they were famous.

Wait, it isn't? Thanks for the tip!

* May no longer quip "It's an ill with that blows nobody any good" after we defeat some air elementals.

[Rater202]

*I can't run campaigns based on the premise of taking bad fanfiction tropes and playing them straight.

[Lord Raziere]

*I can't run campaigns based on the premise of taking bad fanfiction tropes and playing them straight.

* My next campaign may not just be an isekai fic where the players wreck the canonical Naruto timeline
** or a campaign where we are all "Sues" chosen by gods of chaos to go forth and wreck established canonical universes by abusing our unfairly given powers
*** Nor may I play them so straight and deconstruct the bad fan fiction tropes following them through to their conclusions
**** May not attempt to make the "Watchmen", "NGE" or "PMMM" of bad fan fiction tropes.
***** May not get meta and make a magical girl sue character whose superpower is "warp the narrative of the universe to be about transgender lesbian autistic people".
****** May not deny doing any of this to Exalted because "they already have Getimians".
******* If I ever include anything involving Deadpool in this I'm doing it wrong because its supposed to be BAD fanfiction.

[Rater202]

* My next campaign may not just be an isekai fic where the players wreck the canonical Naruto timeline
** or a campaign where we are all "Sues" chosen by gods of chaos to go forth and wreck established canonical universes by abusing our unfairly given powers
*** Nor may I play them so straight and deconstruct the bad fan fiction tropes following them through to their conclusions
**** May not attempt to make the "Watchmen", "NGE" or "PMMM" of bad fan fiction tropes.
***** May not get meta and make a magical girl sue character whose superpower is "warp the narrative of the universe to be about transgender lesbian autistic people".
****** May not deny doing any of this to Exalted because "they already have Getimians".
******* If I ever include anything involving Deadpool in this I'm doing it wrong because its supposed to be BAD fanfiction.

*Cannot do one of those stories where the protagonist has a massive harm of dozens of girls... And depict him asa complete sociopathic duchebag wh brainwashes women, meanwhile the girls are all scheming against each other with violence for the position o "master's favorite."
**Not even if the PCs are playing as psychic detectives working for the FBI specialized in breaking up cults.

*Cannot have a pack of werewolves that follow the "Alpha Male, Beta Male, Omega" policy... And depict them all as a bunch of total incels who can't function with a rival pack of werewolves that acts like actual people instead of trying to imitate an outdated study being highly successful in both the supernatural world and as civilians.
**The "Omega" can't be a fourteen-year-old orphan boy they forced to join who sets the others up to die after he gets fed up with getting the crap kicked out of him every time "Lord Alpha Doom wolf" fails to convince a random woman to come back to his sex tarp.

Spoiler: XkCD

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[Anonymouswizard]

* Terminally Ill and Immortality are not compatible.

[Rater202]

* Terminally Ill and Immortality are not compatible.

I mean, if the immortality is artificially induced and the only thing keeping you alive...

...One of the characters in The Eternals, in the comics that is, is an Eternal whose role requires him to be old.

It's described as if he's constantly seconds away from dropping dead of old age.

[danielxcutter]

That was actually an intended punishment for John Dee in The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel; his Elder masters intended to remove his immortality, causing him to rapidly age, and then give it back right before he died of old age and leave him like that for eternity.

[Lord Raziere]

* My next campaign idea may not be "Dark Souls but in Australia"
** May not insist that the Australia part is the more terrifying part of that sentence.

* May not invent a word called "gloib" to parody the use of "chad"
**may not proclaim that "gloib" is the hot new thing that everyone is talking about and that chad is so last season
*** may not try to make "gloib" a thing. especially since gloib doesn't mean anything and is randomly used negatively
**** I am not the "gloibiest of gloibs"

* may not make a bunch of parodies of dark souls players to be the parties enemies
** the STR player may not be a heavily armored giantdad with some big weapon who is incredibly clumsy because he has no dex
*** the DEX player may not be a dual-wielding swords guy wearing no armor constantly dodge-rolling around to the point of looking like they're Sonic
**** the thief can't be someone constantly throwing daggers, firebombs and firing arrows while constantly running away from you or stabbing you with a poisoned dagger
***** the mage player may not be someone keeping out of range and trying to kill people while out of your reach
****** the cleric player may not be someone trying to lure you to a cliff so they can use a spell to push you off to fall to your death while praising the sun.
******* nor may the cleric constantly throw lightning at you
******** the deprived player is not wearing only a loincloth and wielding a club yet also the most powerful of all of them.
********* the entire dark souls party may not be argue about which of their weapons or ways of fighting is the best while calling the others bad
********** may not all be glowing red and appear out of nowhere as if they're invading your world.

[thorr-kan]

*while waiting for my Kickstarter GURPS Girl Genius and my mail-order GURPS Discworld, I am to quit contemplating playing a Girl Genius social Spark aware of narrative causality in Discword; "Shut UP already, you've been harping on this since the playtest!"

[Telok]

* not allowed to breakfast in Baator on double decker demon bacon burgers even though the service is terrible.
** not allowed to lunch in Celestia on... whatever (the kitchens are clean but the food is bland).
*** not allowed to dine in Pandemonium on flaming chocolate cake phone books.
**** The sorcerer is no longer allowed to take Plane Shift instead of Teleport to tease the fighters about them eating uncooked trail rations, drinking muddy water, and not getting baths on the 80 mile swamp hike to the next dungeon.

[Anonymouswizard]

*while waiting for my Kickstarter GURPS Girl Genius and my mail-order GURPS Discworld, I am to quit contemplating playing a Girl Genius social Spark aware of narrative causality in Discword; "Shut UP already, you've been harping on this since the playtest!"

* I am not to brag about already having had my copy of GGG for weeks.

[Rater202]

*while waiting for my Kickstarter GURPS Girl Genius and my mail-order GURPS Discworld, I am to quit contemplating playing a Girl Genius social Spark aware of narrative causality in Discword; "Shut UP already, you've been harping on this since the playtest!"

Unless they released an updated version, 'm pretty sure that Gurps Discworld is based on an earlier edition.

Like, it was apparently outdated when I got it back in middle school.