Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 13: This Is A Banned List Not A Drinking Game

[danielxcutter]

*I cannot genetically engineer fast-growing trees with a wolverine-style healing factor and absurdly sturdy roots and then plant them on the properties of people who support deforestation efforts.

That unironically sounds like a Technocracy thing.

[noob]

But just this once...THE IMPERIUM IS STRAPPED FOR RESSOURCES ON ALL SIDES! They let entire planets and sectors fall to overwhelming Tyranid forces, yet the Mechanicum can do **** all they want? There's people dying on all worlds to grease the war machine of the Imperium but hey, the chief engineers have time to Rube-Goldberg aliens to death? WHAT KIND OF SENSE DOES THIS MAAAA...

Did you consider that spending resources wastefully makes you more likely to be strapped for resources and so that this thing is logical?

[Spore]

Yeah, they're called Games Workshop.

*May not introduced writers or developing studios as overdeities in my games.

[Anonymouswizard]

* The backstory of the Tech Priests is not 'the Technocracy went mad when the public didn't get excited for science and began copying the Traditions'.
** The Emperor is not Caine.

[TeChameleon]

* I will no longer assume any kind of a baseline for player competency exists. PCs will blitz through a dungeon that could kill a dozen Indiana Jones' like it wasn't even there, then reach the exit, trip, and drown in a puddle

* Swim checks are the devil.

EDIT- No swim check involving a puddle has been called for in any game I have been involved in. Nevertheless, swim checks are the devil.

[Metastachydium]

* I will no longer assume any kind of a baseline for player competency exists. PCs will blitz through a dungeon that could kill a dozen Indiana Jones' like it wasn't even there, then reach the exit, trip, and drown in a puddle

* Swim checks are the devil.

EDIT- No swim check involving a puddle has been called for in any game I have been involved in. Nevertheless, swim checks are the devil.

I'm surprised you're surprised. That's, like, one of the first ten great axioms regarding possible effects of the environment on PCs: Water IS Death.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My demonic powers are not incompatible with pants.

[Rater202]

* My demonic powers are not incompatible with pants.

*I am not allowed to say nothing regarding clothes just to see how long it takes the other players to realize that my monk is walking around naked.

[danielxcutter]

I'm pretty sure there actually are abilities and/or drawbacks that involve destroying your clothes. I think there's one ability in Princess: the Hopeful allowed to Dark creatures that makes you secrete acid from your skin... and burns off not only your clothes but also your hair.

Which in hindsight is weird because I get it destroying anything you touch, but hair is part of your body.

[Metastachydium]

I'm pretty sure there actually are abilities and/or drawbacks that involve destroying your clothes. I think there's one ability in Princess: the Hopeful allowed to Dark creatures that makes you secrete acid from your skin... and burns off not only your clothes but also your hair.

You might remember the Bile Wrapped in Beauty from LA Assignment. The same's, like, half of its shtick and for some reason it's OFFICIALLY playable (if you hate yourself enough).

Anyhow, characters that don't wear clothes are no big deal. I do that a lot, actually (mainly because I like to play birdies and little lizards and the like, but still).

[danielxcutter]

You might remember the Bile Wrapped in Beauty from LA Assignment. The same's, like, half of its shtick and for some reason it's OFFICIALLY playable (if you hate yourself enough).

Anyhow, characters that don't wear clothes are no big deal. I do that a lot, actually (mainly because I like to play birdies and little lizards and the like, but still).

I saw it on TvTropes and that sounds right, yeah. For what it's worth, Princesses are really not going to get access to it anyways unless something goes very wrong sooo...

[Benoojian]

*'Everyone else was doing it' is not an excuse to create undead and does not stop it from being an Evil act

[danielxcutter]

**Creating undead is morally neutral in recent editions of D&D

[Rockphed]

* "Any Evil you have to apologize for wasn't evil enough" is not a valid philosophy for my paladin.

[Anonymouswizard]

I'm pretty sure there actually are abilities and/or drawbacks that involve destroying your clothes. I think there's one ability in Princess: the Hopeful allowed to Dark creatures that makes you secrete acid from your skin... and burns off not only your clothes but also your hair.

I mean, moving away from fan stuff, Werewolf has a good chance to end with destroyed clothing. You need to perform a rite on specific clothes in Apocalypse, another rite in Forsaken 1e*, and have the right Harmony score in Forsaken 2e.

* Which can still cause problems, because as written most characters will transform back both topless and commando.

Which in hindsight is weird because I get it destroying anything you touch, but hair is part of your body.

I dunno, some people just don't like hair.

Anyhow, characters that don't wear clothes are no big deal. I do that a lot, actually (mainly because I like to play birdies and little lizards and the like, but still).

It very much depends on genre, era, species, and which bits are or aren't covered. As the vast majority of my characters are human...

[D&D_Fan]

* You cannot persuade a rolling boulder to not crush you. It's a rock. It can't respond to your persuasion.
** You cannot deceive a rolling boulder into thinking you're actually it's cousin. It's a rock. Rocks don't have cousins.
*** You cannot intimidate a rolling boulder into running away. Even if it wanted to. Because of physics.
**** You cannot perform good enough to move a boulder. It's a rock. And you're not Orpheus.
***** You cannot persuade the god of the dead to not send you to hell. I mean, you can try, but the DC is too high for that to be a realistic possibility.

[danielxcutter]

I’m 99% sure you can actually pull that off in Mage: the Ascension. (Not sure how that works in Awakening though.)

As for the last one, I assume you’ve never seen 3.x diplomancers.

[Bohandas]

*Victor Frankenstein's recurrent sudden losses of interest throughout the novel are not a metaphor for bad sex

[Lord Raziere]

* You cannot persuade a rolling boulder to not crush you. It's a rock. It can't respond to your persuasion.
** You cannot deceive a rolling boulder into thinking you're actually it's cousin. It's a rock. Rocks don't have cousins.
*** You cannot intimidate a rolling boulder into running away. Even if it wanted to. Because of physics.
**** You cannot perform good enough to move a boulder. It's a rock. And you're not Orpheus.

***** Unless your an Exalted with like ridiculous amounts of Presence or Performance and Charisma, then yes your totally Orpheus and that rock will listen to you.
****** Or a superhero who persuade meteors to not crash into the earth on the regular as if your some speech superman
******* May not invent rock and roll to make boulders dance at my concerts
******** or heavy metal to make suits of armor join in
********* sticks of bubblegum, candy or soda do not show up when I start playing pop music.

[DCraw]

**** You cannot perform good enough to move a boulder. It's a rock. And you're not Orpheus.

The earthbenders from Shyamalan's abomination "The Last Airbender" would like a word with you.

[Lord Raziere]

The earthbenders from Shyamalan's abomination "The Last Airbender" would like a word with you.

* May not create a magic curse that punishes anyone who references bad movies
** or a magic curse that punishes anyone every time they utter the words "demographic appeal", "profit", "monetization", "Microtransactions" or "nostalgia"
*** or a magic curse that punishes anyone they utter "Twitter" or "social media" in any context.
**** magic curse punishments may not include: helium voice, getting hit with pies, mean laugh track for the day only the speaker can hear, getting their hair turned pink and styled in pigtails, suddenly being dressed as a clown, being forced to wear a trollface mask until you go to sleep, being forced to dance, being forced to tell the truth for a day, being plagued by a goose, anything you write or type suddenly turning into a pink and cute font, or dreaming that your furniture all grow mouths and start saying "mefork!" at you in silly voices.
***** dance punishments may not include: gangnam style, the charleston, the macarena, spinning on your head, any dance from Peanuts, dabbing repeatedly, prisyadka, or the chicken dance.

[Anonymouswizard]

The earthbenders from Shyamalan's abomination "The Last Airbender" would like a word with you.

* I may never mention that I once legitimately enjoyed that film.
** Look, I hadn't actually seen the series...

* Making an alchemist is not an excuse to get addicted to as many drugs as possible.
** Especially not before the game starts.

[KorvinStarmast]

* I may no longer interfere with the mayor of a local town who abuses his citizens.
** I may not threaten to take on the entire town guard and militia when they try to run me out of town

Spoiler: what?

Show

I have to go along nicely because our paladin says so

[Notafish]

* I may no longer interfere with the mayor of a local town who abuses his citizens.
** I may not threaten to take on the entire town guard and militia when they try to run me out of town

Spoiler: what?

Show

I have to go along nicely because our paladin says so

Are we in the same campaign?

*My barbarian's alignment is Chaotic-Neutral, not Anarcho-Primitivist

[Telok]

Are we in the same campaign?

*My barbarian's alignment is Chaotic-Neutral, not Anarcho-Primitivist

For many years I have not been allowed to define my character's alignment.
* overly exuberant heroic, is not a d&d alignment.
* self-preservation fraudulent, is not a d&d alignment.
* double-agent scumbag, is not a d&d alignment.
* lawful lunatic, is not a d&d alignment.
* hot electric death, is not a d&d alignment.
* too sexy for alignment, is not a d&d alignment.
* i don't know, is not a d&d alignment.
* lazy murder hobo... is a d&d alignment but its still not allowed on my character sheet.

[KorvinStarmast]

Are we in the same campaign?

*My barbarian's alignment is Chaotic-Neutral, not Anarcho-Primitivist

I don't know. Is your barbarian named Ormhildr?

... is not a d&d alignment.

Heh, you have evoked a memory.
We had an assassin player in an AD&D 1e game who once said that his alignment was psychotic neutral. (think he was slightly buzzed at the time).
The DM did a "wait, do you mean chaotic neutral" and then stopped.
He broke into a grin.
"Yes, you are psychotic neutral"
(And he wrote down a note somewhere behind the screen)

[Notafish]

I don't know. Is your barbarian named Ormhildr?
Heh, you have evoked a memory.
We had an assassin player in an AD&D 1e game who once said that his alignment was psychotic neutral. (think he was slightly buzzed at the time).
The DM did a "wait, do you mean chaotic neutral" and then stopped.
He broke into a grin.
"Yes, you are psychotic neutral"
(And he wrote down a note somewhere behind the screen)

Ha, no - my barbarian's called Fla'a. We just have similar issues with corrupt local officials distracting from the main quest. In my case, it's the bard talking me down.

[D&D_Fan]

* Player characters are no longer allowed to own precious gem mines simply because they took the noble background and "it makes sense", this due to the inherent imbalance
(yes, I had a player pull this stunt to buy a ton of good gear early one, but they ended up getting kicked out for an unrelated reason which was PVP murderhoboing, which is somehow worse than regular murderhoboing since the problem player immediately tries to kill not only every NPC but every other PC as well.)

* Just because the DM used a shopping mall floor plan for a dungeon does not mean you can refer to the merchant NPC as "Mr. Sears." nor are you allowed to ask about the "Blue Light Special"
(Not everyone has enough time to make a detailed map, okay?)

*Dolphin as a player race is allowed but a very, very bad idea. Most locations can't be expected to cater towards those without any arms or legs. And good luck holding a longsword with flippers.

[Bohandas]

*There is not a Ninja Turtle named Bob Ross

[Rockphed]

*There is not a Ninja Turtle named Bob Ross

Of course not: Bob Ross had an afro as his one defining trait and turtles do not grow hair. Bob Ross is what Splinter would name a rat protege.