I Can't Believe It's Not An Index CCXXXIII - Jasdoif's Random Banter #233

[Bundin]

It's okay I am a paid cheerleader as a job. I shout myself horse.



Nurgle is life, Nurgle is love. Papa Nurgle knows best.

Also, nurglings. Hella cute!

[Rater202]

Have you ever seen a sitution in a work of fiction where you found out that what you saw was the censored version... But it's actually worse than the uncensored version.

Like in terms of scary things or violence.

Like, In the second series of Digimon there's a plot point villain turned Sixth Ranger Ken Ichijogi's Start of Darkness moment began when he had a fight with his older brother after a previous adventure in the Digital World(which happened in a Japan-only videogame, btw) and wished that his older brother would "disappear" and then his older brother died and little Ken thought it was his fault for making the wish.

In the original Japanese, the older brother got hit by a car and died from the injuries, freak accident, random occurrence. In the Saban sub shown in America, the older brother just... Vanished one day without an explanation. They cut out the scene the brother getting hit and don't give any alternate explanation of what happened to him...

Which honestly, considering that Ken is one of those kids with vaguely defined but very subtle supernatural powers and a connection to an alternate reality full of monsters, really changes the context of that "I wish you would disappear/oh no, he disappeared" moment.

[Anonymouswizard]

Anybody else had that feeling where you finish planning and actually sit down to write a story, and you realise that the part you thought would make an interesting beginning actually has a really annoying main character.

Even if I scrap most of the plot (and thus the reason as to the journey that part 2 is all about) I still feel like I might have too long to go until I get to the actual interesting protagonist. At least now I know I start showing her PoV early instead of waiting until she actually takes over as the main character.

[Peelee]

Anybody else had that feeling where you finish planning and actually sit down to write a story, and you realise that the part you thought would make an interesting beginning actually has a really annoying main character.

That didn't stop Once Upon a Time from running for seven seasons. Go for it.

[Jasdoif]

Anybody else had that feeling where you finish planning and actually sit down to write a story, and you realise that the part you thought would make an interesting beginning actually has a really annoying main character.

Even if I scrap most of the plot (and thus the reason as to the journey that part 2 is all about) I still feel like I might have too long to go until I get to the actual interesting protagonist. At least now I know I start showing her PoV early instead of waiting until she actually takes over as the main character.

Yes. That can be a choice, though: starting a story out by showcasing the setting through the people in it is highly effective, but at the same time the people need to be highly reflective of the setting to establish that baseline; in the all-too-likely event your protagonist(s) is/are an exception to the setting's norms, using them can undercut the first impression you're trying to make.

And unless you're planning to kill off the dedicated viewpoint character in the very beginning like you're writing a Bioware game, discouraging the audience from making an emotional investment in the viewpoint character is the best way to keep them from competing with the protagonists for attention; and being "really annoying" is one way to pull that off.

[Bartmanhomer]

Last week was the last day of one of my co-worker internship at my job. I miss her and I didn't want her to go.

[Tvtyrant]

I ran two miles today, which is pretty good for how little running I have been doing since 2020 started. I also made my dental office appointment across town, although they might have wanted to avoid all of the sweat and panting.

In return I got a swanky photo!

Spoiler

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Which makes me look an awful lot like Elton John.

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[2D8HP]

Well, I've put my face on a dating website. Don't really know what to expect.

Met my wife through one of those, so I can be an anecdotal data point in the "result: hooray" column. Good luck!

I've heard a lot of stories about dating websites, the general consensus seems to be that they work great if you know how to avoid the crazies.

Rule of Thumb: If someone's profile says some variant of the Marylin Monroe Quote "I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best" then there's a high chance that their best is not worth their worst.

Especially if they only have the last part, omitting the first sentence that frames her "worst" as a negative.

(Also, considering Monroe is known to have suffered from periods of severe depression and irrational fear which is believed to have led to her suicide, her 'worst' may, in fact, have been referring to what nowadays would be considered a legitimate medical issue)

Another rule of thumb: If you message or get messaged by someone and they immediately want to know your height and weight but get offended when you ask either of them, they're not worth it. You don't want someone that shallow and hypocritical.

And then it's just things like searching images to make sure it's not a stock photo to avoid being catfished and general "online safety stuff" like don't meet for the first time at your house or their house, meet somewhere public with lots of people, don't give away personal information, and if they refuse to meet you in public or keep demanding personal information block them.

Speaking from personal experience I've found the whole process to be disappointing, though in a few months I'll probably make another attempt myself as well. For me as a straight guy I've often felt like it was howling into the void and I noticed that in both online as well as real life dating a lot of women still implicitly expect men to conform to a traditional gender role which dictates that men are to take pretty much all of the initiative and be very assertive. Maybe that won't be problem for you and I hope it works out. Just try to keep your expectations fairly low.

Edit: Make sure to have good photo's. It's the most decisive part with respect to whether people will decide to message you back or not.

Thanks!

Thanks for the advice.

Allright, I'll keep that in mind.


Spent a bit of the morning with my sister taking pictures/skimming old pictures of me doing stuff to show me under a good light.
Not an easy task, I've liked the way I look on pictures (and any smile I make on command end up looking creepy).

What does "skin the game" mean?
And thanks for the advice.

I don't use dating apps. I prefer to be single for now although I do want a girlfriend and start to have a family someday.

No day like today, how about we set you up with an OkCupid account? It took me about five-six years to find a partner, I'm sure if we gather data from other forumgoers we can make a more accurate estimate and see how unusually long it took me.

Well, with all that I may as well say tell you that a lady has scheduled to meet me for a date tomorrow morning, and how I got that date, and a quasi-date two days ago: I posted on Facebook that I spoke to a divorce lawyer, within two days a lady invited me to live with her and another guy, and a different lady scheduled a date with me - with lots of corresponding in-between. The probable future roommate went to IKEA with me, and we looked at furniture together, she has a boyfriend so there's no likely romantic future, but I had a great time, and she at least pretended to laugh at my stories, plus she said "Keep your hair like that, you look dashing".

Dashing!

I like the sound of that!

The lady who has a date with me in the morning is driving a very long distance, plus she has her own business to maintain and 1/2 custody of a nine year old daughter so she may just not have enough time to spare, but she's said very kind things to me and seems eager.

I'm surprised by ow was I able to get dates so fast, and my guesses are:

I had a huge amount of friends when I was 17 to 22 years old, and they can vouch for me (including an ex-girlfriend who still says kind things about me and is/was an extreme social-butterfly), plus I've posted enough stories of my youth (and a few of my present), that give an idea of what I'm (or was) like, and (maybe delusionally) I think I'm a pretty good writer, especially of "tales of the '80's" that ladies my age seem to respond to. Plus I have the advantage of being my age, in-person how tired and wounded I am is apparent, but in photographs I don't look that much different than I did 30 years ago, with just a few stray hairs to show my age, and for whatever reason women my age are reluctant to date much younger men, or guys who look their age, so advantage 2D8HP!

There's a bunch of heartache and guilt along with all this, but that's for the "Woes" thread.

Last week was the last day of one of my co-worker internship at my job. I miss her and I didn't want her to go.

All condolences and best wishes to you @Bartmanhomer

[Anonymouswizard]

Yes. That can be a choice, though: starting a story out by showcasing the setting through the people in it is highly effective, but at the same time the people need to be highly reflective of the setting to establish that baseline; in the all-too-likely event your protagonist(s) is/are an exception to the setting's norms, using them can undercut the first impression you're trying to make.

And unless you're planning to kill off the dedicated viewpoint character in the very beginning like you're writing a Bioware game, discouraging the audience from making an emotional investment in the viewpoint character is the best way to keep them from competing with the protagonists for attention; and being "really annoying" is one way to pull that off.

I mean, not right at the beginning.

Got to have them start the quest to fail at it.

Well, with all that I may as well say tell you that a lady has scheduled to meet me for a date tomorrow morning, and how I got that date, and a quasi-date two days ago: I posted on Facebook that I spoke to a divorce lawyer, within two days a lady invited me to live with her and another guy, and a different lady scheduled a date with me - with lots of corresponding in-between.

Woooooo! Go 2D8HP!

The probable future roommate went to IKEA with me, and we looked at furniture together, she has a boyfriend so there's no likely romantic future,

Why the assumptions?

but I had a great time, and she at least pretended to laugh at my stories, plus she said "Keep your hair like that, you look dashing".

Dashing!

I like the sound of that!

The lady who has a date with me in the morning is driving a very long distance, plus she has her own business to maintain and 1/2 custody of a nine year old daughter so she may just not have enough time to spare, but she's said very kind things to me and seems eager.

I'm surprised by ow was I able to get dates so fast, and my guesses are:

I had a huge amount of friends when I was 17 to 22 years old, and they can vouch for me (including an ex-girlfriend who still says kind things about me and is/was an extreme social-butterfly), plus I've posted enough stories of my youth (and a few of my present), that give an idea of what I'm (or was) like, and (maybe delusionally) I think I'm a pretty good writer, especially of "tales of the '80's" that ladies my age seem to respond to. Plus I have the advantage of being my age, in-person how tired and wounded I am is apparent, but in photographs I don't look that much different than I did 30 years ago, with just a few stray hairs to show my age, and for whatever reason women my age are reluctant to date much younger men, or guys who look their age, so advantage 2D8HP!

There's a bunch of heartache and guilt along with all this, but that's for the "Woes" thread.

I suspect the 'dashing' may have helped as well :smallwink,:

In my mind I'm not imagining a musketeer on a motorcycle. Complete with rapier and silly hat.

[BisectedBrioche]

I had a phone call from the hospital where I had my surgery, and I'm officially allowed to wear jeans and other tight clothes again!

[Rater202]

I had a phone call from the hospital where I had my surgery, and I'm officially allowed to wear jeans and other tight clothes again!

...That is something I don't think a lot of people who don't need that kind of surgery think about when it comes to that kind of surgery.

You always here about "don't eat or drink anything before the surgery" or "don't take this food or this herbal supplement while on this medication" but you don't really hear much about what to do after a surgery beyond "take it easy until the wounds are healed enough to take off the bandages/remove the stitches."

The idea that you can't wear certain kinds of clothes after surgery... It might just be because this isn't really my area of study but this is honestly the first I'm hearing of it for anything.

But, at the same time. It makes sense when you think about it for a second

[Fyraltari]

Same.

Congratulations, Brioche!

[Peelee]

Well, with all that I may as well say tell you that a lady has scheduled to meet me for a date tomorrow morning

Huzzah!

There's a bunch of heartache and guilt along with all this, but that's for the "Woes" thread.

Awww.

Hope things work out for everyone involved.

The idea that you can't wear certain kinds of clothes after surgery... It might just be because this isn't really my area of study but this is honestly the first I'm hearing of it for anything.

I had clothing restrictions after a surgery once. Pretty sure it was a very different surgery, of course.

[factotum]

I had a phone call from the hospital where I had my surgery, and I'm officially allowed to wear jeans and other tight clothes again!

Huzzah, may your new-found freedom be enjoyed!

[Anonymouswizard]

I had a phone call from the hospital where I had my surgery, and I'm officially allowed to wear jeans and other tight clothes again!

Awesome. I've also never heard of such a restriction, but it makes sense. Glad that it's no longer impeding your style, now you can wear the futuristic jumpsuits that have never actually caught on.


My girlfriends got a self isolation order due to possible contagion, so now I don't get too see them this weekend. Why does this happen after we've finally all had both our jabs?

[LaZodiac]

Speaking of surgery, I'm gonna be funding my top surgery by streaming every Saturday. So that's cool

(I don't have to fund my eventual bottom surgery cause that's just free up here, hell yeah)

[Anonymouswizard]

Speaking of surgery, I'm gonna be funding my top surgery by streaming every Saturday. So that's cool

(I don't have to fund my eventual bottom surgery cause that's just free up here, hell yeah)

When when I have the ability to stream again (i.e. when BT gets the phone line to my house installed) I'll tune in and see if I can spare a few quid

I know too many people waiting for surgery. Including one person who's been out for like half a decade, but due to immigration head to wait another five years until she qualifies to get it on the NHS. Sadly the plague seems to have put it in the nonessential list for now.

[LaZodiac]

When when I have the ability to stream again (i.e. when BT gets the phone line to my house installed) I'll tune in and see if I can spare a few quid

I know too many people waiting for surgery. Including one person who's been out for like half a decade, but due to immigration head to wait another five years until she qualifies to get it on the NHS. Sadly the plague seems to have put it in the nonessential list for now.

Oof, that sounds... super rough.

[Form]

Well, with all that I may as well say tell you that a lady has scheduled to meet me for a date tomorrow morning, and how I got that date, and a quasi-date two days ago: I posted on Facebook that I spoke to a divorce lawyer, within two days a lady invited me to live with her and another guy, and a different lady scheduled a date with me - with lots of corresponding in-between. The probable future roommate went to IKEA with me, and we looked at furniture together, she has a boyfriend so there's no likely romantic future, but I had a great time, and she at least pretended to laugh at my stories, plus she said "Keep your hair like that, you look dashing".

That seems... fast? Maybe think about offer a bit and vet them before taking them up on it? You don't want to suddenly wake up in a bathtub full of icecubes, no recollection of the last 24 hours and scar where there used to be one of your kidneys.

I had a phone call from the hospital where I had my surgery, and I'm officially allowed to wear jeans and other tight clothes again!

Huh, I did not know that was a thing. Well, congrats! Spandex? Spandex!

[2D8HP]

That seems... fast? Maybe think about offer a bit and vet them before taking them up on it? You don't want to suddenly wake up in a bathtub full of icecubes, no recollection of the last 24 hours and scar where there used to be one of your kidneys.

Potential roommate was vouched for by mutual friends, most significantly by my brother's ex-girlfriend who is a sweet lady.

Potential girlfriend was vouched for by mutual friends, most significantly my ex-(briefly) girlfriend, who is a long-time friend who doesn't mince words.

I'm sitting in my room in the house in San Francisco surrounded by my books, leather jackets and shoes, wool coats, and sweaters

[Mith]

Potential roommate was vouched for by mutual friends, most significantly by my brother's ex-girlfriend who is a sweet lady.

Potential girlfriend was vouched for by mutual friends, most significantly my ex-(briefly) girlfriend, who is a long-time friend who doesn't mince words.

I'm sitting in my room in the house in San Francisco surrounded by my books, leather jackets and shoes, wool coats, and sweaters

I know this is all bittersweet, but at least you are surrounded by community. I am glad to hear that at least.

[Anonymouswizard]

Oof, that sounds... super rough.

It's not nice, but she's coping as best she can. It helps that she's not with anybody who cares about her equipment (but does care about the effect it has on her mental health).

But it's also one of the underreported mental health effects of this pandemic. I know too many people* who were due to have it in the first half of least year and still haven't had the opportunity.

* i.e. more than none.


Okay, moving more towards happy fun talk! I rewatched Alien the other day, and it's still one the best executed horror movies ever. Even if the head is a little bit on the nose, which I only just noticed with this rewatching.

[Bartmanhomer]

Hey everyone. I got an interesting question, would you date an anti-vaccinated person?

[Rater202]

Hey everyone. I got an interesting question, would you date an anti-vaccinated person?

If I was captured by the Jigsaw Killer and told my only chance of not being horribly mutilated to death was to go on a date with an anti-vaxxer... You'd never see my fatass ever again.

The Anti-Vaxx movent is funded on the idea that it's better to risk letting a child die of a one hundred percent preventable infection than to risk them growing up autistic.

Would you want to date someone who thinks that you should have died as a small child rather than grow up to be the person you are?

And that's not even touching the damage that anti-vaxx attitudes are causing when there's a god-damned pandemic going on.

[Bartmanhomer]

If I was captured by the Jigsaw Killer and told my only chance of not being mutilated to death was to go on a date with an anti-vaxxer... You'd never see my fatass ever again.

The Anti-Vaxx movent is founded on the idea that it's better to risk letting a child die of a one hundred percent preventable infection than to risk them growing up autistic.

Would you want to date someone who thinks that you should have died as a small child rather than grow up to be the person you are?

And that's not even touching the damage that anti-vax attitudes are causing when there's a god-damned pandemic going on.

Yes, I'm aware of the anti-vax movement. In all honesty, if I date a woman who anti-vax I would dump her real quick and say "Sorry hun but I'm pro-vax and I don't think this relationship will work out."

[2D8HP]

I know this is all bittersweet, but at least you are surrounded by community. I am glad to hear that at least.

Thank Mith, you're very kind, sadly I'm not literally "surrounded" by community at all, my brother (who has been a sounding board), lives in another State, my ex-girlfriend (who vouched me to my potential girtfriend, and her to me) lives in Europe, my brother's ex-girlfriend (who vouched for probable roommate), does live near, but with covid-19 we've only corresponded, not talked face-to-face, my "community" is by correspondence and telephone, the exception is the guys at work,

Spoiler: Spoiling the rest as it fits "Woes and advice" more

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who recommend going to brothels because "divorce and girlfriends are too expensive", and they don't seem to understand my objections to that. There is one lady co-worker across the hall I sought out for "a woman's opinion" (but she's an air force veteran and in many ways I'm "girlier" than her, but I had few other options), and I had her read a letter I wrote for my wife - it made her cry and she wasn't sure if I should send it, I felt she "got it" more than the guys, but I didn't want to burden her anymore with my troubles.
The date went well I think, she brought me to her favorite restaurant on Haight Street, we walked, talked, and window shopped on Haight Street, and then (at me suggestion) we window shopped near the financial district/Union Square. She's still legally married, it's a complicated story - the type of life "drama" one usually steers clear of, but given my own situation, and my need for an understanding woman of my generation and sub-cultural leanings, she fits the bill.
Most of what we do for each other is talk of our lives, and how we wound up where we are - I need that now, and it has to be a divorcée or pre-divorcee, or it would feel too predatory on my part (and be unlikely to happen at all).
For what it's worth this isn't the first time I had an affair with a married woman, but the last time I was unmarried myself and less than half my current age, but back then I had a few dates with her before finding out about and meeting her husband, and then we had a few more dates because I was too lonely not to (at 19 and 20 when I was still with my first steady post junior high school girlfriend I was a really nice boy, by 22 after the break-up with "first" I was basically a thug).
I don't have the excuse of ignorance now, and neither does she, and we both have told each other of our residual love for our spouses, and why we have to leave them.
It's been both very hard (emotionally), and also all-to-easy (apparently I have a talent for scheduling illicit meetings, I wish my life had gone in such a way that I never discovered that about myself)

In happier news I saw a movie
("Cruella") in a theater for the first time in a very long time, and I LOVED it!
Bought yet another long wool coat, black leather boots, and black leather shoes today, as well as a DVD of a Billy Wilder movie - all of which I brought to the new place.

[Form]

If I was captured by the Jigsaw Killer and told my only chance of not being horribly mutilated to death was to go on a date with an anti-vaxxer... You'd never see my fatass ever again.

The Anti-Vaxx movent is funded on the idea that it's better to risk letting a child die of a one hundred percent preventable infection than to risk them growing up autistic.

Would you want to date someone who thinks that you should have died as a small child rather than grow up to be the person you are?

And that's not even touching the damage that anti-vaxx attitudes are causing when there's a god-damned pandemic going on.

And even that's a false dichotomy. Vaccines don't cause autism, so it's not either or.

Anti-vaxxers are crazy and completely out of touch with reality.

[Anonymouswizard]

I wouldn't dare an anti-cancer, we have different values. I care a data, they care about me shutting up about data, peer reviewed journal articles, and how neurodiversity isn't actually that terrible a thing.


@2D8HP, I'm glad that the date went well. Just remember, dating a married person is okay as long as the marriage is in the process of ending or their spouse says it's okay. As it sounds like clause A is in effect don't worry about it at all. I'm glad the date went well and wish you many more.

Also, girlfriend's are too expensive? Divorce or no divorce saying this as an absolute is offensive. But only does the suggestion ignore the fact that you may be sheet the emotional connection more than three beast with two backs, but it ignores the existence of women who don't even let you pay for their tea while on dates.

[DataNinja]

they care about me shutting up about data

Well, how rude. I didn't think I was that annoying that I could do it via proxy.

[Anonymouswizard]

Well, how rude. I didn't think I was that annoying that I could do it via proxy.

Well you're a ninja, we've never made the spot check to verify you're not there