Random MetaBanter – Random Banter no. 236 (now with Flowers!)

[Mystic Muse]

I'd say the biggest problem with that is the skirt, but I've never seen an HD Roll model. On the plus side, the hands check out perfectly.

That's fair, I may change that on the next iteration.

I got the thighs and hands colored light-blue so there's the body-suit look it should have, but am not asking the artist for any more changes this time.

[LaZodiac]

Yeah, I definitely know who you're talking about.

Also, I just learned that Canada has the single greatest martial art ever, and I, for one, am sad that your boss does karate instead of the national martial art, the noble fighting technique of Defendo.

I mean I wasn't exactly subtle (and have said the name before).

Hey everyone, look, I got a new commission.

Spoiler: Spoilered for size

Show

Meant to have it be humanoid, but miscommunicated with the artist. They're supposed to look a bit Megaman-esque. May ask them to alter the legs to help that look at some point, but not in any rush.

Looks awesome, slight miscommunications aside. Blockier or bigger boots would be the next step past the bodysuit, and yeah it'd be more a leotard than skirt nine times out of ten, but I still think she looks great.

I mentioned this to a friend a while ago but didn't mention it here: I'd really like a Shenmue or Yakuza-style open-world game...

That's a licensed game for King of The Hill.

It's the ideal setting for that kind of "mundane slice of life interrupted by occasional action" stuff type game. Mostly just an exaggerated take on realistic topics, but occasionally there are significantly higher stakes and hints that the setting isn't as mundane* as presented.

It'll never happen for a number of reasons, but it would be nice. You play as Hank and run around town solving increasingly more serious problems and occasionally having to make good on the threats to kick someone's ass.

*Off the top of my head, in the first season Bobby seems to be able to communicate with an ant queen and ends up being mind-controlled by her pheromones, the Us Military performed highly illegal human experiments on soldiers who volunteered to serve their country in an attempt to create super soldiers who could survive in arctic conditions, the last scene of Buckley's angel indicates that he's real and not just a hallucination in Luanne's head and one episode implies the existence of actual aliens.

I love this idea so much it hurts.

Don't forget the rich guy who got slaughtered like a pig because of his fetish! That also happened!

That would be where the "occasionally make good on the threat to kick someone's ass" part comes from.

Hank just throws off his shirt to show the least impressive physique known to man, the screen goes grayscale as red text blasts on screen "HANK HILL, FIRST PATRIARCH OF THE HILL FAMILY". It fades and he just says "I'll kill yer ass" in that beloved soft-angery twang.

[Rater202]

Don't forget the rich guy who got slaughtered like a pig because of his fetish! That also happened!

He didn't have a fetish, he was mentally ill: At the end when his head passes through the zappy thingy that stuns the pig he has a moment of clarity, wonders where he is and why he's dressed like that, and only realizes that he's on the killing floor right before he gets hit by the sticker.

...That episode was ****ing terrifying on so many different levels and the worst part is the commercial for it treats it like just any other episode.

Comercial: "Launnae has to deal with her new boss who's a sexist pig, comedy comedy we've got the theme song playing inthe background this is normal."

Actual episode: Literally horror movie compressed to 24 minutes. Hits all the beats of a triller type "mundane" horror.

Though to be fair, Fox had no idea how to advertise King of the Hill or who to market it to.


That happened and we let it happen.

[Peelee]

Hank just throws off his shirt to show the least impressive physique known to man

You misspelled "Dale".

[Mystic Muse]

Looks awesome, slight miscommunications aside. Blockier or bigger boots would be the next step past the bodysuit, and yeah it'd be more a leotard than skirt nine times out of ten, but I still think she looks great.

Yeah, Moss wanted to do more standard boots rather than the big blocky X style.

I wanted a skirt instead of a leotard.

[Rater202]

You misspelled "Dale".

If we're following the Shenmue/Yakuza type model, part of the game is various means of training to gain new combos.

Dale is the eccentric character who you do a bunch of optional side quests for and then you unlock the training area that teaches you all the really absurdly overpowered stuff.

You think I'm joking, but one episode established that Dale is trained in three separate martial arts and, well...

I think I mentioned this before

Now thats obviously a work of satire and is about 70% bull, but... Those feats of strength, toughness, pain tolerance, drug tolerance, and recovery as well as the "has consumed enough tobacco products that he should have died years ago" are straight from the source material

[Lord Raziere]

Though to be fair, Fox had no idea how to advertise King of the Hill or who to market it to.

To be fair, Fox has no idea how to do much of anything!

[Cazero]

I wanted a skirt instead of a leotard.

I'm pretty sure a skirt can work. Maybe with a belt?

[Peelee]

If we're following the Shenmue/Yakuza type model

I am not, largely due to having no idea (or interest in) what that is.

Dale is the eccentric character who you do a bunch of optional side quests for and then you unlock the training area that teaches you all the really absurdly overpowered stuff.

You think I'm joking, but one episode established that Dale is trained in three separate martial arts and, well...

I think I mentioned this before

Now thats obviously a work of satire and is about 70% bull, but... Those feats of strength, toughness, pain tolerance, drug tolerance, and recovery as well as the "has consumed enough tobacco products that he should have died years ago" are straight from the source material

OK, but we've seen him take off his shirt. We know, with absolute fact, what his physique looks like. Nothing you or that video said (presumably, I'm not going to watch a 40 minute video just to respond to you, but feel free to let me know if I'm wrong) changes that.

[Rater202]

I am not, largely due to having no idea (or interest in) what that is.

Open world game that consists entirely of traveling around in a town, solving problems and doing favors for people while investigating some primary cause and occasionally doing violence to people who pick fights with you.

Or you can just get distracted doing inane side stuff: In the original Shenmue, you can spend all day every day at an arcade playing Space Harrier.

Edit: Quoting my original post on this topic for the sake of clarity.

I mentioned this to a friend a while ago but didn't mention it here: I'd really like a Shenmue or Yakuza-style open-world game...

That's a licensed game for King of The Hill.

Edit 2: And regardless, I wasn't trying to contradict you. Just jumping off the mention of Dale.

[Peelee]

Quoting my original post on this topic for the sake of clarity.

Edit 2: And regardless, I wasn't trying to contradict you. Just jumping off the mention of Dale.

Ah, my bad.

Hinestly, if the game had Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer as playable characters, that'd be pretty awesome. The whole cast was pretty great.

[Mystic Muse]

I feel like they'd all have to have very different plots.

Dale gets involved with things that he thinks are supernatural, or conspiracies, but pretty much always turn out to be mundane. Of course, he never believes they're mundane.

Bill I would want to have some plotlines that actyally involve him getting a win every once-in-a-while. The show seems to just repeatedly beat him down.

Boomhauer could go a few different directions.

[LaZodiac]

He didn't have a fetish, he was mentally ill: At the end when his head passes through the zappy thingy that stuns the pig he has a moment of clarity, wonders where he is and why he's dressed like that, and only realizes that he's on the killing floor right before he gets hit by the sticker.

...That episode was ****ing terrifying on so many different levels and the worst part is the commercial for it treats it like just any other episode.

Comercial: "Launnae has to deal with her new boss who's a sexist pig, comedy comedy we've got the theme song playing inthe background this is normal."

Actual episode: Literally horror movie compressed to 24 minutes. Hits all the beats of a triller type "mundane" horror.

Though to be fair, Fox had no idea how to advertise King of the Hill or who to market it to.


That happened and we let it happen.

Okay yeah I'll cop to that I forgot how it ended I was like 12 at the time.

You misspelled "Dale".

He's more wirey then dumpy dad-bod Hank and his concave ass.

Yeah, Moss wanted to do more standard boots rather than the big blocky X style.

I wanted a skirt instead of a leotard.

Fair, fair.

If we're following the Shenmue/Yakuza type model, part of the game is various means of training to gain new combos.

Dale is the eccentric character who you do a bunch of optional side quests for and then you unlock the training area that teaches you all the really absurdly overpowered stuff.

You think I'm joking, but one episode established that Dale is trained in three separate martial arts and, well...

I think I mentioned this before

Now thats obviously a work of satire and is about 70% bull, but... Those feats of strength, toughness, pain tolerance, drug tolerance, and recovery as well as the "has consumed enough tobacco products that he should have died years ago" are straight from the source material

The first Conspiracy Theorist fighting style move is Pocket Sand, absolutely.

[Rater202]

He's more wirey then dumpy dad-bod Hank and his concave ass.

He does have a beer gut though.

And yet he can lift 200 pounds in an overhead press with one hand.

The first Conspiracy Theorist fighting style move is Pocket Sand, absolutely.

Yes.

The way I see it: It been a few years since the series finale, but everyone has barely aged because of course, they have. Poor economy has hit everyone hard, the crime rate is a bit higher than it used to be, and after reading about a mugging in the newspaper Hank decides to try and get in shape and get in the habit of practicing the skills needed to defend himself. You start with basic formless kicks and punches, but early on he takes a class at the Y or something to refresh himself on his old boxing skills which gives you access to very basic upgrades and serves as the combat tutorial.But Hank already knows how to box, he just needs the brief refresher so he doesn't really learn much, and one thing leads to another and it ends with the Rainy Street Gang pooling their resources to help each other learn how to defend themselves if they need to.

Bill: Bill's the least healthy member of the gang, but from time to time the high school athlete turned soldier comes out, I figure he's got some good... Power charges, for lack of a better term. From Bill, you learn how to throw your weight around.

Boomhower, as established in the series finale, is a Texas Ranger. This means that, among other things, he has eight years of experience in law enforcement, so it's not only plausible but probable that he knows some grabs and restraints and submission type things—whatever it is you need to know how to do to wrestle a belligerent drunk twice your size into a pair of cuffs.

Those two are your early game options for learning new things for the combat system.

Later on, Kahn gets convinced to join in on this scheme. In the episode where he just gives up and decides to become a Hillbilly, he ends up in a fight with a belligerent Hick and demonstrates that he has at least moderate skill in Pencak Silat. This is your mid to late-game stuff.

..Cotton would be dead by this point in show continuity, but "hey we found some of your dads things and sent them to you... oops there was a mixup and they're scattered around town" could be used to justify leveling up a "basic military CQC" fighting style via excerpts from Cotton's War memoirs detailing exactly how he killed some of those fitty men in the pacific.

And like I said, Dale is the optional Unlock who teaches you all of the really overpowered stuff despite being the last guy you'd expect to know that.

The hard part is balancing it: The combat should be fun, but it should also be clear that these are a bunch of middle-aged men practicing how to defend themselves if they need too rather than the Dad-Bod brigade training themselves up into the A-Team.

[LaZodiac]

He does have a beer gut though.

And yet he can lift 200 pounds in an overhead press with one hand.


Yes.

I mean more strong-men are pretty bulky. Those chiseled muscle-models are at their weakest- starved and dehydrated so every muscle is popping. A real strong person who can lift so much weight is going to look like a human barrel.

[Rater202]

I wish we had bacta tanks instead of beds.

The buoyancy of the bacta would probably provide better support than laying flat on a solid material, i'ts always "comfortably warm" so there'd be no need for blankets, and it both heals you and encourages your body to heal faster and more efficiently so you're going to wake up feeling great in the morning.

You're gonna absolutely need that shower first thing in the morning, but otherwise...

[Tvtyrant]

Had what felt like a really creepy nightmare that woke me up. First time in a while I got one that bad, not.since I got my cpap machine.

Somehow the protagonist found a sentient book that addicts the reader to it when they read it. They become obsessed with the book, and also gain some sort of blood based power (think vampires but not dead.)

The book compels the holder to show other people the book, but their obsession drives them to rebel and try to kill the holder. The protag is actively gathering sacrificial victims and cult members while being attacked by the cult, and the book is actively trying to kill him.

Dreams are silly things but boy did that book scare me. Everytime the dream showed the illustrations I freaked out, and I could palpably feel its malevolence.

[Form]

I wish we had bacta tanks instead of beds.

The buoyancy of the bacta would probably provide better support than laying flat on a solid material, i'ts always "comfortably warm" so there'd be no need for blankets, and it both heals you and encourages your body to heal faster and more efficiently so you're going to wake up feeling great in the morning.

You're gonna absolutely need that shower first thing in the morning, but otherwise...

Can't cuddle with my plushies in one of those tanks, so they're a no go for me.

[Rater202]

Had what felt like a really creepy nightmare that woke me up. First time in a while I got one that bad, not.since I got my cpap machine.

Somehow the protagonist found a sentient book that addicts the reader to it when they read it. They become obsessed with the book, and also gain some sort of blood based power (think vampires but not dead.)

The book compels the holder to show other people the book, but their obsession drives them to rebel and try to kill the holder. The protag is actively gathering sacrificial victims and cult members while being attacked by the cult, and the book is actively trying to kill him.

Dreams are silly things but boy did that book scare me. Everytime the dream showed the illustrations I freaked out, and I could palpably feel its malevolence.

...Okay, that sounds downright Lovecraftian. That...

That's the kind of dream you have at the beginning of a cosmic horror story before it starts happening for real.

And I'm not anywhere near close to figuring out how to open portals to fictional universes yet, so I can't equip people with symbiotes* just in case of cosmic horror.

*In addition to the whole 'fight eldritch fire with eldritch fire' aspect, symbiotes were literally created to be able to murder gods and anything that roughly resembles a god. Since most Lovecraftian and/or cosmic horror involves malevolent, alien gods or godlike entities... I mean if you think you might run into werewolves you bring silver bullets. Even if it doesn't end up working it can't possibly hurt to try. Same basic principle.

[Anonymouswizard]

Had what felt like a really creepy nightmare that woke me up. First time in a while I got one that bad, not.since I got my cpap machine.

Somehow the protagonist found a sentient book that addicts the reader to it when they read it. They become obsessed with the book, and also gain some sort of blood based power (think vampires but not dead.)

The book compels the holder to show other people the book, but their obsession drives them to rebel and try to kill the holder. The protag is actively gathering sacrificial victims and cult members while being attacked by the cult, and the book is actively trying to kill him.

Dreams are silly things but boy did that book scare me. Everytime the dream showed the illustrations I freaked out, and I could palpably feel its malevolence.

Hmmmmm.... Mind if I steal this idea for a short story?

If I can get enough evil book themed short story ideas together I might consider a themed anthology. Although at this point the only other one I have is 'the Necronomicon would be in the public domain...'.


I also need to find some more short story collections. I just like them, and don't always have time for a full novel.

[Form]

Hmmmmm.... Mind if I steal this idea for a short story?

If I can get enough evil book themed short story ideas together I might consider a themed anthology. Although at this point the only other one I have is 'the Necronomicon would be in the public domain...'.


I also need to find some more short story collections. I just like them, and don't always have time for a full novel.

Are you already familiar with The King in Yellow as a play? The SCP foundation wiki is also full of horror stories, some of which deal with evil books or stuff more or less similar if you're looking for inspiration.

[Tvtyrant]

...Okay, that sounds downright Lovecraftian. That...

That's the kind of dream you have at the beginning of a cosmic horror story before it starts happening for real.

And I'm not anywhere near close to figuring out how to open portals to fictional universes yet, so I can't equip people with symbiotes* just in case of cosmic horror.

*In addition to the whole 'fight eldritch fire with eldritch fire' aspect, symbiotes were literally created to be able to murder gods and anything that roughly resembles a god. Since most Lovecraftian and/or cosmic horror involves malevolent, alien gods or godlike entities... I mean if you think you might run into werewolves you bring silver bullets. Even if it doesn't end up working it can't possibly hurt to try. Same basic principle.

I fully intend to not look in the direction of any eldritch tomes for at least a week just in case.

Hmmmmm.... Mind if I steal this idea for a short story?

If I can get enough evil book themed short story ideas together I might consider a themed anthology. Although at this point the only other one I have is 'the Necronomicon would be in the public domain...'.


I also need to find some more short story collections. I just like them, and don't always have time for a full novel.

Go for it.

If you need any more details I can still remember the book is alive somehow, and sometimes the protagonist spared people and the book would make them show up again until he infected them.

[Anonymouswizard]

Are you already familiar with The King in Yellow as a play? The SCP foundation wiki is also full of horror stories, some of which deal with evil books or stuff more or less similar if you're looking for inspiration.

I'm aware of The King In Yellow, although I haven't read it (guess it's time to head back to Project Gutenberg). As for SCP, I've read some of its articles, but none of the book related

I mean, it's no reason not to do it. But yes, being aware of how it's been done is important.

[LaZodiac]

I'm aware of The King In Yellow, although I haven't read it (guess it's time to head back to Project Gutenberg). As for SCP, I've read some of its articles, but none of the book related

I mean, it's no reason not to do it. But yes, being aware of how it's been done is important.

I've heard it is not great (and also the OG King isn't even... a horror thing, really). But have fun!

[Form]

If you need any more details I can still remember the book is alive somehow, and sometimes the protagonist spared people and the book would make them show up again until he infected them.

Was it bound in human skin too? That's always a classic.

I'm aware of The King In Yellow, although I haven't read it (guess it's time to head back to Project Gutenberg). As for SCP, I've read some of its articles, but none of the book related

I mean, it's no reason not to do it. But yes, being aware of how it's been done is important.

Fun fact: Some authors took it upon themselves to actually write The King in Yellow as a play. So there's the collection of short stories that first introduced the eldritch play as a concept and then there's the actual play all written down too.

I think there is a Daevite themed SCP foundation story with a history book that compels people to add to it (using their own blood?) which retroactively alters history so that the Daevite empire lasts longer. Then there's the symphony that compels people to complete it, also using their own blood until they die. The SCP foundation wiki hosts a fairly large collection of horror stories of varying quality, but if you want to plumb its depths I don't doubt you'll find something useful. And all you really need are evil stories or evil information in any kind of media format, not necessarily books. An evil film or oral retelling or any kind of evil story can always be cast into the shape of a book.

[Tvtyrant]

Was it bound in human skin too? That's always a classic.



Fun fact: Some authors took it upon themselves to actually write The King in Yellow as a play. So there's the collection of short stories that first introduced the eldritch play as a concept and then there's the actual play all written down too.

I think there is a Daevite themed SCP foundation story with a history book that compels people to add to it (using their own blood?) which retroactively alters history so that the Daevite empire lasts longer. Then there's the symphony that compels people to complete it, also using their own blood until they die. The SCP foundation wiki hosts a fairly large collection of horror stories of varying quality, but if you want to plumb its depths I don't doubt you'll find something useful. And all you really need are evil stories or evil information in any kind of media format, not necessarily books. An evil film or oral retelling or any kind of evil story can always be cast into the shape of a book.

Nah, it was black bark shaved from a wood base as a relief. I doubt it would function as a book in reality.

[Rater202]

I screwed up my circadian rhythm by staying up till noon two weekends in a row.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have done that.

I've said this before but I'd really like it if I had one or more semi-autonomous remote-controlled puppet bodies that could go out and do things for me while my real body stayed home and slept/otherwise rested.

[Keltest]

I screwed up my circadian rhythm by staying up till noon two weekends in a row.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have done that.

I've said this before but I'd really like it if I had one or more semi-autonomous remote-controlled puppet bodies that could go out and do things for me while my real body stayed home and slept/otherwise rested.

That seems like an incredibly roundabout way of just wishing you could sleep better and more consistently.

[Tvtyrant]

That seems like an incredibly roundabout way of just wishing you could sleep better and more consistently.

I don't know, I would also like to be a hive mind so I get it.

[Bartmanhomer]

If you work at the movie theater, you should have some knowledge of what the movie is about. So anyway, I went to the movie theater yesterday to buy my movie tickets in advance for the movie called Flee. The cashier asked me what Flee was about. I said to the cashier: "You work at the movie theater and you don't know what this movie is about?" She said "No. I need to catch up on my movies." So I did kindly explain to the cashier what Flee is about. Mostly 95% of the employees of the movie theater that I go to have some movie knowledge.