Critters III! Now also in 5e!

[Bhu]

Deel
Medium Magical Beast (Amphibious, Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 3d10+9 (25 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 15 ft.
Armor Class: 18 (+3 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+6
Attack: Bite +6 melee (1d6+3)
Full Attack: Bite +6 melee (1d6+3) and 2 Hoofs +1 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Tossing Charge, Attach
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Scent
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +6, Will +2
Abilities: Str 17, Dex 17, Con 17, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 4
Skills: Hide +9, Listen +5, Spot +5, Swim +11
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Any Aquatic
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Herd (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 4 HD (Medium), 5-9 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Hunting and fishing isn't what it used to be Abner."

"How the hell do we cook this thing?"

Deels are an exotic cross between Moray Eels and Deer. Because apparently some group of Wizards thought Owlbears weren't bad enough.

Tossing Charge (Ex): The Deel does 2d4+4 with a successful Charge attack. If it damages an opponent it can make an opposed Str Check as a Free Action. If it succeeds it can move it's opponent 10 feet in any direction (this does not provoke attacks of opportunity).

Attach (Ex): If a Deel hits with its bite attack, it uses its powerful jaws to latch onto the opponent’s body and automatically deals bite damage each round it remains attached. An attached Deel loses its Dexterity bonus to AC and has an AC of 15. An attached Deel can be struck with a weapon or grappled itself. To remove an attached eel through grappling, the opponent must achieve a pin against the creature.

Skills: Deels have a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim Checks, and may Always Take 10 on a Swim Check. They also have a +4 Racial Bonus on Hide Checks in their natural environment.

Combat: Deels open with a charge to toss one opponent away before biting the next one.



Deel
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I will be looking at the tragically named Deel."

When Owlbears Aren't Good Enough

"So we're looking at another Owlbear type concept...what's the point of this one?"

"Do any of them have a point Jim?"

"Fair enough."


The Weirdest Taste in Durian

"I understand they can be popular livestock Jim."

"Popular with who? Madmen?"

[Bhu]

Buffalo Chicken
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+15 (42 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 14 (-1 Size, +5 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+15
Attack: Peck +10 melee (1d8+9)
Attack: Peck +10 melee (1d8+9)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spicy!
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Lowlight Vision, Scent
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 22, Dex 10, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 11, Cha 6
Skills: Listen +6, Spot +6
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary or herd (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 6-10 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---

Buffalo Chickens are chicken headed bison. Brought to you by a mage who likes bad puns and has a copy of 'The Owlbear Mechanism: A Step By Step Process To Making Godless Abominations That Will Complicate Your Life'. They don't have the mindless anger most Owlbears do, but they seem strictly interested in eating powerfully spicy plants. While it leaves them unaffected, their flesh tastes like burning. They have no natural predators.

Spicy! (Ex): Buffalo Chickens are awash in potent pain causing toxins. If they are bitten or Swallowed, their attacker must make a DC 15 Fortitude Save, or suffer a -4 penalty on attack rolls, skill checks, and ability checks for 1 hour (Save DC is Constitution based). If the Save is successful the penalty only lasts 1 Minute. Buffalo Chickens themselves are immune to this and other spicy foods. They can eat pure capsaicin with no effect.

Combat: Charge and peck is the limit of the Buffalo Chickens tactical repertoire.



Buffalo Chicken
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I will be looking at the popular Buffalo Chicken."

Spicy!

"The Buffalo Chicken is yet another mishmash of critters Harlan. Their tiny wing are too small for them to fly, but they're pretty popular in the local restaurants."

"Aren't they toxic Jim?"

"They are one of the few creatures that can subsist on the chilies that grow here. The toxins that make those chilies hot suffuse their flesh, making it hot as well."


Don't Copyright Strike Us

"I take it there are few worries about predators then?"

"Carnivores who bite them, only do it once."

[Bhu]

Skunk Cabbage
Tiny Plant
Hit Dice: 2d8 (9 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 14 (+2 Size, +2 Dex), touch 14, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-8
Attack: Headbutt +5 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack: Headbutt +5 melee (1d3-1)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Stank
Special Qualities: Plant traits, Low-light Vision
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +3, Will +1
Abilities: Str 8, Dex 15, Con 11, Int 6, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills: Hide +10, Listen +3, Move Silently +4, Spot +2
Feats: Anklebiter, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Temperate Marsh
Organization: Solitary or Grove (3-10)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 2 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment: ---

Skunk Cabbages are four legged balls of vegetation. People would keep them as pets were it not for their horrible smell.

Stank (Ex): Cabbages secrete an oily, musk-like chemical that nearly every form of animal life finds offensive. All living creatures (except Cabbages) within 30 feet of a Cabbage must succeed on a DC 13 Fortitude save or be sickened for 10 rounds. The save DC is Constitution-based with a +2 Racial Bonus. Creatures that successfully save cannot be affected by the same Cabbage’s stench for 24 hours. A delay poison or neutralize poison spell removes the effect from the sickened creature. Creatures with immunity to poison are unaffected, and creatures resistant to poison receive their normal bonus on their saving throws.

Combat: If something can make it past their stench, the headbutting commences.



Skunk Cabbage
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be taking a look at the Skunk Cabbage, better known as Symplocarpus foetidus. As usual, my gas mask wearing assistant Jim will be taking all the risks."

Peeyew!
"For once Harlan, this critter seems to have evolved naturally. Few animals can get near it, let alone eat one, due to the stench."

"They look playful Jim."

"They are. Were it not for the stench, they'd make great companions."

They Live In Patches
"There seem to be a lot of them Jim."

"That is truly an understatement Harlan. Normally they live in extended family units, but we've arrived during spring..."

[Bhu]

Troll Boar
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d10+2 (7 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 17 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/-1
Attack: Gore +6 melee (1d6)
Full Attack: Gore +6 melee (1d6)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Ferocity
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Low Light Vision, Regeneration 3, Scent, Fearless
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 17, Con 15, Int 4, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills: Listen +2, Search +2, Spot +2, Survival +6
Feats: Endurance, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Any except Aquatic
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 4-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Bert...didn't we eat thet pig yesterday?"

The village of La Mole needed a food source desperately for themselves and their poor truffle hunting pot bellied piggies. Truffles brought in some nice money, but the other village crops were getting worse each year. In desperation they turned to Prak the Mad. A psychotic mage with a thing for interspecies cross breeding. In other words, another in a long line of kooks who thought critters like the Owlbear were 'just spiffy'.

Mixing the Pot Bellied Pigs with Troll genetic material, he created a new form of black miniature pig that regenerated after being eaten. Of course constantly being killed day after day for food has made the piggies a little...omnicidal...

Ferocity (Ex): Troll Boars can fight and act normally from -1 to -9 hp.

Regeneration (Ex): Troll Boar Regeneration doesn't work against Fire or Acid damage. If a body part is severed it regrows within 3d6 minutes, or reattaches immediately if pressed against the stump.

Fearless (Ex): Troll Boars are immune to Fear and Morale Effects.

Skills: Troll Boars have a +4 Racial Bonus to Search and Survival Checks.

Combat: Troll Boars usually squeal like, well...a pig, before rushing the opponent and messily devouring his toes. They have little to no fear being as they know they'll just heal back.



Troll Boar
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim will be interviewing one of the few surviving members of the La Mole holocaust."

Magic Gone Wrong

"Greetings sir or madam! Can you tell us what happened here?"

"Damn fool wizards."

"Looks like I owe you a gold piece Jim."

"Can you be more specific?"


A Town In Need

"We wuz runnin' out of food, so we asked this guy, Prak the Mad he was called..."

"Oh boy..."

"So he makes the piggies regenerate so's we can eat them again and again. And the piggies don't like this, nosiree...."

"Let me guess. They massacred the town?"

"Well hell son, why did you ask if you already knew the story?"

"We didn't know the story, but we do know Prak..."

[Metastachydium]

Turkey

(…)

Advancement: 4-6 HD (Small)

Should be 3–6.

"Also, never feed them powdered bone, or they gain the power to disguise themselves as goats!"

The horror! The horror!

Deel
Medium Magical Beast (Aquatic)

(…)

Environment: Any Aquatic

Aren't these supposed to be amphibious? The aquatic subtype doesn't grant air breathing. (They'd also seem to be more dangerous on land. Why do they live in the water?)

To remove an attached eel through grappling

Skunk Cabbage

(…)

Skunk Cabbages are four legged balls of vegetation. People would keep them as pets were it not for their horrible smell.

Okay, these are, like, incredibly cute!

[Bhu]

will fix after I post the rest of the critters

Rhinoctopus
Large Magical Beast (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 8d10+24 (68 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft.
Armor Class: 17 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +7 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: +8/+18
Attack: Tentacle +13 melee (1d4+6)
Full Attack: 8 Tentacles +13 melee (1d4+6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Rending Constriction
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Ink Cloud, Amphibious
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +7, Will +3
Abilities: Str 23, Dex 13, Con 17, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 3
Skills: Escape Artist +11, Hide +8, Listen +6, Spot +6, Swim +14
Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Skill Focus (Hide)
Environment: Warm Aquatic or Plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 9-16 HD (Large), 17-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"How is it Wizards never have normal pet guards Bert?"

"Ah think they feel they need to live up to their reputation."

"Ah'm gonna hurt this one bad since that thing of his pooped ink in mah face."

The Rhinoctopus is a bizarre Wizardly creation involving a melding of the Octopus and the Rhino. Why someone felt the need to do it is anyone's guess, but perhaps they thought it would make an interesting all terrain guardian. It looks vaguely like a gelatinous octopoid shape with a larger than usual body, and a horned face.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Rhinoctopus successfully hits with it's tentacle attack, it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If it succeeds it may then use it's Rending Constriction.

Rending Constriction (Ex): If the Rhinoctopus successfully Grapples an opponent it squeezes him while goring it with it's horn simultaneously. It does 3d6+6 piercing damage with a successful Grapple Check.

Ink Cloud (Ex): The Rhinoctopus can spew black ichor once per minute as a Free Action. Underwater this creates a 20' by 20' by 20' cloud that provides total concealment and completely obscures vision. Out of water it is a 10' ranged touch attack. If it hits the opponent must make a DC 15 Reflex Save (Save DC is Dex Based) or be blinded for 1d6 rounds, or until he can spend a full round washing it from his eyes whichever occurs first.

Combat: Rhinoctopus are ambush predators waiting underneath the water for prey to come to drink. If prey fails to appear, they can shimmy up onto land and try to chase it down, which can be a terrifying sight to anyone in the vicinity unused to their appearance.





Rhinoctopus
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I begin to regret the publication of Prak's book on monster making."

Someone Needs A Therapist

"Greetings from the castle moat of local wizard 'Fat Bob' Krushenheimer."

"What's the special of the day Jim?"

"Looks like Fat Bob has merged a rhinoceros with some sort of octopus."


High Weirdness

"So highly impractical then?"

"His argument is that it's highly disturbing appearance makes up for it."

"I suppose that's fair. Does it do anything a regular giant octopus can?"

"Not much really. I mean it has a horn it can pull targets onto, thus impaling them."

"That is a bit disturbing."

[Bhu]

https://preview.redd.it/bdplmzcfv6x4...=webp&d154ab53

Shark Bird
Tiny Magical Beast (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 1d10 (5 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Good), Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Size, +3 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-4
Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d3-1 plus bleeding)
Full Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d3-1 plus bleeding)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Wounding Bite
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Amphibious, Keen Scent
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 8, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 14, Cha 4
Skills: Listen +6, Move Silently +5, Spot +12, Swim +7
Feats: Alertness, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Any Warm except Desert or Plains
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Flock (10-20)
Challenge Rating: 1/2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---


Shark Bird Flock
Tiny Magical Beast (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 8d10 (36 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Good), Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Size, +3 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +8/-
Attack: Swarm (2d6 plus bleeding)
Full Attack: Swarm (2d6 plus bleeding)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Wounding Bite, Distraction
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Amphibious, Keen Scent, Swarm Traits, Half Damage from Slashing and Piercing Weapons
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +9, Will +4
Abilities: Str 8, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 14, Cha 4
Skills: Listen +5, Move Silently +6, Spot +15, Swim +10
Feats: Alertness, Flyby Attack, Improved Initiative
Environment: Any Warm except Desert or Plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

"Ah've always hated birds Bert. But this is the first time Ah've never liked fishin'..."

Shark Birds are magical crosses between sparrows or some similar avian, and White Sharks. They tend to swarm when food is nearby, and are much more aggressive in groups than when alone. Alone they'll pick on similar sized prey. In a feeding frenzy, groups of them will strip cattle (or their owners) clean.

Wounding Bite (ex): Opponents successfully bitten by the Shark Bird (or it's Swarm Attack if attacked by a Swarm) loses 1 hp per round until they are healed by a spell, or someone makes a DC 15 Heal Check. This is not cumulative per bite.

Distraction (Ex): Living opponents vulnerable to the Shark Bird Swarms damage who begin the round in it's area must make a DC 14 Fortitude Swarm or be Nauseated 1 round. Spellcasting or Concentrating on Spells requires a Concentration Check (DC 20 plus Spell Level), and using skills requiring patience and concentration require a DC 20 Concentration Check.

Keen Scent (Ex): This is identical to the regular Scent ability, but the Shark Bird can also scent blood from up to 1 mile away.

Skills: Shark Birds gain a +8 Racial Bonus to Spot and Swim Checks, and can always Take 10 on a Swim Check.

Combat: Lone Shark Birds tend to leave larger prey alone unless starving. Swarms will attack anything, covering it and biting it into submission after making a few Flyby attacks.





Shark Bird
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim is investigating a new coastal bird species rumoured to be terrorizing Florida."

The Toothy Menace

"Greetings from inside my cube of force Harlan. I'm here with Dill Bob, local town mayor. When did you discover this new species sir?"

"The local druids got all twitchy after accusing us of 'polluting' the local waters about the same time Prak published his book."

"Oh Jebus..."

"So what are they?"


Duh Duh

"Shark and bird combo. Nasty one too."

"Have you taken any precautionary measures?"

"We're having a Bard curse the flocks as we find them. Give them their own personal theme music so they can't sneak up on us."

"So I presume they've been troublesome?"

"You are in a cube of force Jim."

"That's pretty much standard issue for me from now on."

"Probably a good idea."

[Bhu]

Pirhanakeet Swarm
Diminutive Magical Beast (Swarm)
Hit Dice: 12d10 (66 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 60 ft., Good
Armor Class: 19 (+4 Size, +5 Dex), touch 19, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/-
Attack: Swarm (3d6)
Full Attack: Swarm (3d6)
Space/Reach: 1 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Distraction, Bloody Wounds
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Swarm traits, Immune to weapon damage, Scent
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +13, Will +6
Abilities: Str 1, Dex 20, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 14, Cha 4
Skills: Listen +9, Spot +10
Feats: Dodge, Flyby Attack, Hover, Improved Flyby Attack, Mobility
Environment: Warm Forest
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 7
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

"GOD______ I HATE BIRDS!"

"Abner you really need to learn not to take bird attacks personally. It's the curse man."

Pirhanakeets are Parakeets crossed with some form of predatory, fanged monstrosity. They seemingly do almost nothing but eat despite their tiny size. They also take every opportunity to make more of their kind. There are small forests stripped clean because of them. They appear to be mostly normal Parakeets, but their toothy beaks are preternaturally sharp and can cut through even hardened leather with ease.

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature vulnerable to the swarms damage that begins it's turn in the same square as a Swarm must make a DC 16 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based) or be Nauseated for 1 round. Spellcasting or concentrating on a spell within the swarms area requires a Concentration Check (DC is 20 plus spell level). Using skills that require patience or concentration requires a DC 20 Concentration check.

Bloody Wounds (Ex): Any opponent that is damaged by a Pirhanakeets Swarm attack loses an additional 3 hit points per round for 1d6 rounds due to blood loss. Multiple hits can extend duration, but do not do additional damage.

Combat: Pirhanakeets do the usual swarm tactics: envelop and chew profusely.



Piranhakeets
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom, we're back in Florida with yet another bird menace. Have you found us any more information Jim?

Professional Rivals

"Remember those Shark Birds the local druids used as a revenge ploy? Well, the local Wizards felt slighted and made a bird/predator combo of their own. This time a mix of Parakeets and the Gawds alone know what."

"So a rivalry then?"

"More like a bunch of immature adults upset that some other group terrifies the locals more than they do."


Voracious

"So these are pretty much like the other recent arrivals?"

"They reproduce more, but can't swim."

"I imagine the Floridian Wizards Council has issued a statement?"

"They were the flocks first victims Harlan."

"Does no one use precautions anymore?"

[Bhu]

Hummingator Swarm
Fine Aberration
Hit Dice: 10d8 (45 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 squares), Fly 25 ft. (Perfect)
Armor Class: 20 (+8 Size, +2 Dex), touch 20, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/-
Attack: Swarm (2d6)
Full Attack: Swarm (2d6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Distraction, Grip
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Immune to Weapon Damage, swarm traits
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +5, Will +9
Abilities: Str 1, Dex 15, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 14, Cha 1
Skills: Hide +18, Listen +7, Spot +7, Survival +5
Feats: Flyby Attack, Hover, Improved Initiative, Mobility
Environment: Warm Marsh
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 6
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

'Whats that noi...AAAAAAHHHH!"

Dorf the Wildly Incompetent needed some guardians, but he had such a bad rep no one wanted to work for him. So he made some, by using the spells originally used to create Owlbears, to make the first Hummingators. He judged them a failure due to their size. They ate him in his sleep. Subsequently they've infested the marshes.

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature vulnerable to a swarms damage that begins it's turn with a swarm in it's square is Nauseated for 1 round unless it makes a DC 15 Fortitude Save. Spellcasting or concentrating on spells within the area of a swarm requires a Concentration Check (DC is 20 for skills, 20 + Spell Level for spellcasting).

Grip (Ex): Leaving the area of a Hummingator swarm requires a DC 15 Strength Check (Save DC is Constitution based).

Combat: Hummingator swarms tend to fly in, grab hold, and munch away crazily. They aren't tactical.




Hummingator Swarm
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I will be taking a look at the handiwork of Florida's resident fool."

Unexpectedly devastating

"You have a professional relationship Harlan?"

"I knew him from school. His lack of patience did him no good."

"That's a given, considering what his pets have left of him."


Heightened Metabolism Equals Always Hungry

"He probably should have guessed that a Hummingbird's metabolism combined with the Alligator's carnivorous tendencies we're a bad combo."

"Thank Jebus for this Cube of Force. They stripped my horse clean in moments."


Hummingator
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 4d8+8 (26 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Good)
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+6
Attack: Bite +7 melee (1d6+6)
Full Attack: Bite +7 melee (1d6+6)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft.
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +3, Will +6
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 14, Con 15, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 6
Skills: Hide +5, Listen +4, Spot +4
Feats: Fly-by Attack, Hover
Environment: Warm Marsh
Organization: Solitary or Flock (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 5-8 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Swamp assignments always suck. Always. Oh look, it's a flying reptile. How unlikely."

Simon the Moderately incompetent inherited his Uncle Dorf's notes, and realized his relative had forgotten to carry the 2 in his math. He made more respectable sized Hummingators, which promptly devoured him in his sleep. The current holders of the notes used them to start a cooking fire, so perhaps the world need not worry about relatives making Humingdragons.

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Hummingator successfully attacks with it's Bite, it can immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it does it's Bite damage with a successful Grapple Check.

Combat: Hummingators tend to nest in trees hiding till likely prey comes by, at which point they make a few fly-by's to soften it up before grabbing and mauling it.




Hummingator
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I are back in Florida covering the aftermath of another local fool."

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"Apparently Dorf has a slightly more patient cousin. Just patient enough to make new mistakes instead of repeating old ones.."

"What's the new mistake?"

"He went to sleep. Oh, and he didn't have a Cube of Force."


Keep It In The Family

"That's one of the better investments the show has made. So are these any less rabid or hateful than their smaller kin?"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No."

[Bhu]

http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs9/i/200..._by_imamon.jpg

Zebrocerous
Huge Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 13d10+104 (175 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 60 ft. (12 squares)
Armor Class: 23 (-2 Size, +15 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 23
Base Attack/Grapple: +13/+33
Attack: Gore +23 melee (2d8+18)
Full Attack: Gore +23 melee (2d8+18)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: RAAAAAHHH!
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Unusually Good at Hiding
Saves: Fort +16, Ref +8, Will +6
Abilities: Str 34, Dex 10, Con 26, Int 4, Wis 14, Cha 14
Skills: Hide +6, Listen +10, Spot +10
Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Improved Initiative, Run, Skill Focus: Hide
Environment: Warm Plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 14-26 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---


"Bert?"

"Yeah Abner?"

"I quit. Screw this."

"Just exhale slowly Abner."

Unlike many magical follow ups to abominations like the Owlbear, the Zebrocerous actually worked. It's tough, it's quick, and it's mean. It was also manageable enough to keep as a guard beast. They're quite popular with warm weather dwelling Warlords, madmen, and freaks of all kinds.

RAAAAAHHH! (Su): When making a Charge Attack the Zebrocerous does 4d8+24. All attacks made against it that round have a 50% miss chance due to it's outline breaking up.

Unusually Good at Hiding (Su): Even at rest Zebrocerous are hard to hit from range. They have a +2 Deflection Bonus to AC against ranged attacks, and get a +2 Racial Bonus on Saving Throws if the ranged attack is magical. They also get a +10 Racial Bonus to Hide Checks. Which is creepy because they aren't very quiet...

Combat: Zebrocerous tend to do the usual Rhino thing: charge, repeatedly gore, if maybe opponent falls down step on him a lot.




Zebrocerous
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I will be interviewing Prak the Mad."

Big Stank!

"So what is this bush chewimg monstrosity Prak?"

"I call him Big Stank!"

"And what, pray tell, is Big Stank?"

"Well sir he's a bit of Wooly Rhinoceros, a bit of Zebra, and a dash of Displacer Beast just for giggles."

"And what purpose was he made for?"


Popular Proof of Concept

"Well, initially he was just a 'look this can actually be done' concept, but he's proven tremendously popular. Probably due to the distortion effect when they charge."

"Any downsides so far?"

"He eats a lot. Like, a lot. And lordy be, when he defecates, the world takes notice."

"I'm sure there's someone who can find a use for that as fuel or fertilizer."

[Bhu]

http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs13/f/20..._by_imamon.jpg

Crocerocerous
Huge Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 13d8+117 (188 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 23 (-2 Size, +15 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 23
Base Attack/Grapple: +13/+33
Attack: Bite +23 melee (2d8+18)
Full Attack: Bite +23 melee (2d8+18)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Shred
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft.
Saves: Fort +16, Ref +8, Will +5
Abilities: Str 34, Dex 10, Con 26, Int 3, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills: Listen +11, Spot +11
Feats: Alertness, Cleave, Endurance, Improved Toughness, Power Attack
Environment: Warm Plains or Marsh
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 14-26 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---


"Bert...didn't we just do this?"

After his success with the Zebrocerous, a certain nameless mage wanted something a little more traveling. Something not limited to the Plains. Mostly because he was fleeing the local grasslands for a swamp because it was a hell of a lot more defensible. You can only be surprised by adventurers so many times before you think "Maybe my current location isn't ideal".

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Crocerocerous successfully hits with it's Bite attack, it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If it is successful, it may do bite damage. If it Pins the opponent it can use it's Shred ability.

Shred (Ex): Each round that it successfully maintains a pin, the Croconocerous deals 4d8+36 damage to its victim

Combat: The Crocerocerous usually charges, goes for the bite, and begins ripping it's opponent a new one.





Crocerocerous
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I will be interviewing Prak the Mad again, this time after his exile from the North."

An Appetite With Legs

"Sweet Jebus, you've been experimenting with Rhinos again..."

"I must protest Harlan, I wasn't exiled, I merely made a tactical retreat."

"So is this Big Stank's brother?"

"Tell me his name isn't Big Stank 2..."


If Only It Could Swim

"Have I become predictable?"

"Only a little. I see you went for a crocodile mix this time. Presumably to take advantage of the boggy nature of you're new home?"

"That was the thought, but unfortunately Big Stank 2 can't swim so well. Thankfully, he's big enough to simply walk across the bog."

"Could you maybe convince him to stop chewing on the forcewall surrounding us?"

"Ah, I cannot, no..."

[Bhu]

http://imamon.deviantart.com/art/lla...21380653&qo=62

Llamabird
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 6d10+12 (44 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 17 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+14
Attack: Bite +9 melee (1d8+4/19-20)
Full Attack: 1 Bite +9 melee (1d8+4/19-20) and 2 Hooves +4 melee (1d4+2)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: PTOOEY!
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +8, Will +4
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 16, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +6, Spot +7
Feats: Cold Endurance, Endurance, Run, Improved Critical (Beak)(B)
Environment: Cold or Temperate Mountains
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Herd (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 7-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Bert...I do not like how that thing is looking at us..."

In one of the most bizarre incidents of magical hybridization on record, the great wizard Sandaman decided that he needed some magical guardians, but all he had to work with were the massive Llama herds surrounding his mountains, and the occasional flock of birds. So he said to hell with it and went for broke. And thus the Llamabirds were born. He still had huge herds for feeding staff, and fur to make money while he was involved with higher pursuits. It worked too. Would be opponents are genuinely reticent to wade through the Llamabirds.

PTOOEY! (ex): A Llamabird has can blind an opponent with it's spittle for 1d4 rounds if they fail a DC 15 Reflex Save (Save DC is Constitution Based). This has a range of 30', is a Standard Action, and can be done a number of times per day equal to their Constitution Modifier.

Combat: Llamabirds will tend to watch potential enemies closely while making no move against them, and then hock a loogie into their eyes to blind them before charging. Birds are mean, deceptive critters.




Llamabird
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I will be touring Sandaman Ranches, located on the Great Dividing Mountains."

As Close As You Can Get To Being Actively Malevolent Without Being Evil

"And, shockingly, it hasn't been overrun by the Spider Clan."

"We credit the Llamabirds for that. No one likes taking a hot loogy in the eye, 'specially if you got eight or more of 'em."

"So the experiment has been a success then?"

"What bird did he use in the mix? Jebus that's vicious looking."


Duck If They Clear Their Throat

"They're amazingly popular as farm animals, and as badges of high weirdness. All the craziest of mages are getting some."

"What colors do they come in?"

"Harlan, I am not taking care of these..."

[Bhu]

Todays critters all have their origins as requests


Crowolf
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 2d10+4 (15 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/+3
Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye Peck
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 16, Con 15, Int 3, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills: Hide +4, Listen +3, Move Silently +4, Spot +3, Survival +6
Feats: Alertness, Track (B), Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Temperate Forest
Organization: Solitary or Flock (8-16)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 3-4 HD (Medium) or by Character Class
Level Adjustment: ---

"CAW!"

"Abner from now, I think I need to sit in on the contract negotiations."

Crowolves are the usual magically created guardians gotten loose in the wilds. Again. You'd think mages would learn from past mistakes like the Owlbear, but each one seems to believe they can succeed where others have failed. Which is why we also have the Dire Crowolf...

Eye Peck (Ex): If the Crowolf successfully attacks an opponent who is Prone, Stunned, Paralyzed, Denied their Dex Bonus to AC, or Flat-footed their opponent must make a DC 14 Reflex Save (Save is Dex based) or be permanently blinded in one eye until Regeneration or a similar spell is cast on them. This ruins depth perception until healed giving a -2 penalty on all Ranged Attacks until healed, or until the other eye is destroyed at which point the target is Blind.

Skills: Crowolves get a +2 Racial Bonus on Survival Checks.

Combat: Crowolves aren't much different from other wolves, except that with an Int of 3 they sometimes gain a level or two in Rogue or Scout, making them quite a bit more dangerous.




Dire Crowolf
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 6d10+18 (46 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+17
Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d8+10)
Full Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d8+10)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye Peck
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +8, Will +4
Abilities: Str 24, Dex 16, Con 16, Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills: Hide +5, Listen +4, Move Silently +5, Spot +4, Survival +7
Feats: Alertness, Combat Reflexes, Run, Track (B)
Environment: Temperate Forest
Organization: Solitary or Flock (5-8)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 7-12 HD (Large) or by Character Chass
Level Adjustment: ---

Eye Peck (Ex): If the Crowolf successfully attacks an opponent who is Prone, Stunned, Paralyzed, Denied their Dex Bonus to AC, or Flat-footed their opponent must make a DC 14 Reflex Save (Save is Dex based) or be permanently blinded in one eye until Regeneration or a similar spell is cast on them. This ruins depth perception until healed giving a -2 penalty on all Ranged Attacks until healed, or until the other eye is destroyed at which point the target is Blind.

Skills: Crowolves get a +2 Racial Bonus on Survival Checks.

Combat: The Dire Crowolf usually gains a level or so in a more martial class like Barbarian given it's size (assuming it's intelligent enough).







Crowolf
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I will be on hand as Prak the Mad unveils his newest competitorr for the Owlbear."

A Little Too Smart For Their Own Good

"So. Feathery black wolves with beaks. I'm guessing a mix of crows and wolves?"

"Right you are, young Jim. They're also the smartest hybrid critters I've made."

"So they're easy to train?"

"I wouldn't say easy, but once trained they are quite versatile. You have to be careful or they get into things though."


They Come In Biggie Sized Too

"I'm surprised you didn't make giant ones too."

"Er...yes...well, about that..."

[Bhu]

Dire Owlbear
Huge Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 15d10+105 (160 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 19 (-2 Size, +1 Dex, +10 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +15/+33
Attack: Claw +23 melee (2d6+10)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +23 melee (2d6+10) and 1 Bite +21 melee (2d6+5)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 120 ft., Scent
Saves: Fort +16, Ref +10, Will +6
Abilities: Str 30, Dex 12, Con 25, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills: Listen +12, Spot +12
Feats: Alertness, Diehard, Endurance, Multiattack, Run, Track
Environment: Temperate Forests
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 7
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 16-30 HD (Huge), 31-45 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment: ---

"HOO!"

"My name is Abner."

As if Owlbears weren't bad enough a group of drunken mages decided one evening "Hey let's screw with the local Druids and make giant ones, and release a horde of them to wipe things out so we can move in and take over to mine the ruins for artifacts without interference". Then they sobered up. Unfortunately, the prototypes were not only successful, the mages were also arrogant enough to dismiss them as no more harmful than regular Owlbears, so they turned them loose anyway. They had approximately 1400 children within 5 years, and they're meaner and more disagreeable than ever.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Dire Owlbear successfully hits with it's Claw attack it can immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Combat: Die Owlbears attack on sight. Tactics are pretty much *RAWR* grab, bash, bash, bash. You get the idea.





Giant Owlbear
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I will be talking to Brob, a chief riival of Prak, and a successor to the Wizard Gargantua."

Holy Crap This Was Unnecessary

"We understand iinstead of hybrids, you specialize in making giant versions of regular fauna?"

"And anything else that can't get away, yes.""

"So what's on today's menu?"

"And do I need the forcewall up before you unveil it?"."


Yeah, You'll Need The Forcewall

"Behold! The Giant Owlbear!"

"SHREEEEE!"

"Who requested this?"

"You know...people..."

"You can teleport me out any time now Harlan."

[Bhu]

Bearmaid
Large Magical Beast (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 4d10+12 (34 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), Swim 40 ft.
Armor Class: 14 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+13
Attack: Claw +8 melee (1d4+5)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +8 melee (1d4+5) and 1 Bite +3 melee (1d6+2)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Scent, Amphibious
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 20, Dex 13, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Hide +1, Listen +4, Spot +4, Swim +14
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Cold or Temperate Aquatic
Organization: Solitary or Pair
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 5-10 HD (Large), 11-20 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Bert, I'm not happy bout this. I was hopin' to go fishin' today."

Bearmaids were an attempt at creating aquatic bears. The Gods alone know what for, as regular bears are pretty decent swimmers already. Apparently their creator thought quite highly of bears, and assumed they would be the perfect godless killing machines if only they were amphibious. Bearmaids do not quite fit that description, as they are not inhuman avatars of destruction. They have, however, wreaked havoc sometimes on etiologies they were introduced too. Bearmaids appear to be large black bears with blue-grey scaly hides and fins, and a long fishlike tail.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Bearmaid successfully hits with it's Claw attack it can immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Skills: Bearmaids get a +8 Racial Bonus on Swim Checks, and can always Take 10 on a Swim Check.

Combat: Bearmaids tend to be primarily ambush predators waiting in the water, then opportunistic scavengers, and only occasionally hunters. They are curious by nature, and it is possible to escape encounters with them without violence if they aren't hungry and you don't provoke them.





Bearmaid
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I will be on hand as Prak the Mad unveils his newest counter to the Giant Owlbears."

Perfect Godless Killing Machines

"I'm just gonna prep the forcewall now..."

"No need young Jim. My newest creation is under my total control."

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Indeed! This is the Bearmaid! Half Bear! Half Mermaid! It is an all-purpose avatar of destruction!"


Prak...Buddy, We Need To Talk

"I'm not sure this makes any more sense than the Giant Owlbear."

"Don't be silly, they're much more cost effective."

[Bhu]

Cetus Rex
Huge Magical Beast (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 18d10+144 (243 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: Swim 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 21 (-2 Size, -1 Dex, +14 Natural), touch 7, flat-footed 21
Base Attack/Grapple: +18/+36
Attack: Bite +26 melee (2d8+15)
Full Attack: Bite +26 melee (2d8+15)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Swallow Whole, Sonic Boom
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Low-light Vision, Improved Scent, Blindsense 60 ft., Camouflage
Saves: Fort +19, Ref +10, Will +8
Abilities: Str 30, Dex 8, Con 26, Int 3, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Hide +2 (+8 in natural surroundings), Listen +12, Spot +12
Feats: Alertness, Cleave, Improved Initiative, Improved Natural Attack (Bite), Power Attack, Skill Focus (Hide), Track
Environment: Warm or Temperate Aquatic
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 11
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 19-36 HD (Huge); 37-54 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment: ---

"You modified the Owlbear ritual for use with a Seahorse and a Tyrannosaur."

"Yes."

"So now we have an aquatic T-Rex that can hide itself?"

"Yes."

"Explain to me again how this is a good thing?"

The Cetus Rex looks like a Tyrannosaur from the waist up, a seahorse from the waist down, with a few random cosmetic mutations thrown in. Proving once again that only Wizards have access to the truly good illegal alchemical compounds. Stay away from drugs kids. One day you're joining Wizard school, and the next you're competing to see who can make the hybrid most likely to be voted Abomination Before Man and Gawd.

Improved Grab (Ex):T o use this ability, a Cetus Rex must hit an opponent of up to one size smaller with its bite attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it wins the grapple check, it establishes a hold and can try to swallow the foe the following round.

Swallow Whole (Ex): A Cetus Rex can try to swallow a grabbed opponent of up to two sizes smaller by making a successful grapple check. The swallowed creature takes 2d8+8 points of bludgeoning damage and 8 points of acid damage per round from the Cetus Rex’s gizzard. A swallowed creature can cut its way out by using a light slashing or piercing weapon to deal 25 points of damage to the gizzard (AC 17). Once the creature exits, muscular action closes the hole; another swallowed opponent must cut its own way out.

A Huge Cetus Rex’s gizzard can hold 2 Medium, 8 Small, 32 Tiny, or 128 Diminutive or smaller opponents.

Sonic Boom (Su): As a Standard Action the Cetus Rex can breathe a 50 ft. cone of sonic energy once every 1d4 rounds. It does 10d6 Sonic damage, but opponents can make a DC 27 Reflex Save to take half damage. Additionally opponents who fail to Save are Deafened permanently, and Stunned 1 round.

Improved Scent (Ex): A Cetus Rex can notice creatures by scent in a 180-foot radius and detect blood in the water at ranges of up to a mile.

Camouflage (Ex): A Cetus Rex can use the Hide skill in any sort of natural terrain, even if the terrain doesn’t grant cover or concealment.

Skills: The Cetus Rex has a +2 Racial Bonus to Hide, Listen and Spot Checks. The Hide Bonus increases to +8 around seaweed, coral reefs and similar underwater areas,

Combat: Cetus Rex tend to hang out near coral reefs or seaweed beds where they can take advantage of their camouflage ability. They like to wait until prey is close enough they can swallow one, and then blast the others with it's breath weapon.



Cetus Rex
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I will be talking to Prak yet again."

An Unusually Powerful Mutt

"I take it the Bearmaid wasn't a best seller?"

"The public is cruel and fickle. Let me warm up the palantir to view my newest aquatic creation."

"What's this one made of?"

"A little bit flesh-eating dinosaur, a little bit seahorse, and a little bit undetermined."

"Undetermined seems a little scary."


Dragons of the Sargasso

"Behold the magnificent Cetus Rex as it...er, well it appears to be attacking the local pirates I hired to keep my enemies away."

"What, no goofy name like Sea Rex?"

"I wanted it to sound spiffy for the clientele."

"Would that be them in the yacht it's blasting a hole in?"

"Dammit, Fluffy..."

[Bhu]

Owl-Honey Badger
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 2d10+6 (17 hp, 21 hp when Raging)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Burrow 10 ft.
Armor Class: 15 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 12
Armor Class (Raging): 13 (-2 Rage, +1 Size, +3 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 124, flat-footed 10
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/-2 (+4 Raging)
Attack: Claw +3 melee (1d3)
Attack (Raging): Claw +5 melee (1d3+2)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +3 melee (1d3) and 1 Bite -2 melee (1d3)
Full Attack (Raging): 2 Claws +5 melee (1d3+2) and 1 Bite +0 melee (1d3+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Rage
Special Qualities: Superior Low-Light Vision, Scent, Owl-Honey Badger Doesn't Care
Saves: Fort +6 (+8 Raging), Ref +6, Will +1
Abilities: Str 10 (14 Raging), Dex 17, Con 16 (20 Raging), Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Balance +3, Climb +3 (+5 Raging), Escape Artist +7, Listen +11, Spot +6
Feats: Track, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Warm Plains and Forest
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 3 HD (Small), 4-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

It's unknown who first decided to magically hybridize Burrowing Owls with Honey Badgers, and for their sake it's probably for the best. The Gnome Wizards from the magical College in Arrival are prime suspects, mostly because they can't stop laughing when the critters are mentioned.

Rage (Ex): An Owl-Honey Badger that takes damage in combat flies into a berserk rage on its next turn, clawing and biting madly until either it or its opponent is dead. It gains +4 to Strength, +4 to Constitution, and -2 to Armor Class. The creature cannot end its rage voluntarily.

Superior Low-Light Vision (Ex): An Owl-Honey Badger can see five times as far as a human can in dim light.

Owl-Honey Badger Doesn't Care (Ex): An Owl-Honey Badger can scorn death and unconsciousness while in a Rage. As long as her Rage continues, she is not treated as disabled at 0 hit points, nor is she treated as dying at –1 to –9 hit points. Even if reduced to –10 hit points or less, she continues to fight normally until her Rage ends. At that point, the effects of her wounds apply normally if they have not been healed. This ability does not prevent death from massive damage or from spell effects such as slay living or disintegrate. During Rage they are also Immune to Mind-Affecting effects, and take no Size Penalties to rolls of any kind.

Skills: Owl-Honey Badgers have a +8 racial bonus on Listen checks and a +4 racial bonus on Escape Artist and Spot checks.

Combat: Owl-Honey Badgers are most definitely not tacticians and generally jump into the fray without thinking.



Owl-Honey Badger
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I are visiting a local competitor of Prak's to see the debut of, let me check my notes...the latest Owlbear variant."

"It's got nothin' ta do wit Bears. It's a Badger Owl."

Owl-Honey Badger Don't Care

"What kind of Badger?"

"The kind wot likes honey."

"Better get that forcewall up Jim."


No Fear

"What are you lot afraid of, it's just badgers."

"Are you aware of the Honey Badgers reputation?"

"Pffft..it's oversold."

"Look, there's one now!"

"I'm out. Good luck to ya."

"Wait, you never said what these things were for!"

[Bhu]

Fire Succubi
Medium Elemental (Chaotic, Extraplanar, Evil, Fire, Tanar'ri)
Hit Dice: 6d8+12 (39 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 20 (+2 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+5
Attack: Slam +5 melee (1d6+1 plus 1d6 fire)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +5 melee (1d6+1 plus 1d6 fire)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Burn, Aura, Spell-Like Abilities
Special Qualities: Demonic Resilience, Darkvision 60 ft., Elemental traits, Immune to Electricity and Fire damage, DR 10/Cold Iron or Good, Energy Resistance 10 (Acid), SR 18
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +7, Will +6
Abilities: Str 13, Dex 15, Con 14, Int 10, Wis 12, Cha 20
Skills: Bluff +11, Concentration +4, Diplomacy +11, Intimidate +5, Knowledge (any 1) +2, Listen +3, Search +2, Spot +3
Feats: Dodge, Improved Invisibility, Mobility
Environment: Abyss, Elemental Plane of Fire
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 7
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral or Evil
Advancement: 7-12 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

"So...this is the new hotness..."

Fire Succubi are Demons magically crossed with Fire Elementals, used by Demons to sway said Elementals to their cause. They appear as bald, nude humanoid women with horns and flaming red skin. They don't speak much ironically, and aren't as bright as the masters of the Abyss hoped for. They're still popular due to their Aura though.

Burn (Su): A fire elemental’s slam attack deals bludgeoning damage plus fire damage from the elemental’s flaming body. Those hit by a fire elemental’s slam attack also must succeed on a DC 15 Reflex save or catch on fire. The flame burns for 1d4 rounds. A burning creature can take a move action to put out the flame. The save DC is Constitution-based. Creatures hitting a fire elemental with natural weapons or unarmed attacks take fire damage as though hit by the elemental’s attack, and also catch on fire unless they succeed on a Reflex save. Unlike other Fire Elementals, they are not Vulnerable to Cold damage.

Aura (Su): Often referred to as the Aura of Hawtness, any living thing that can see the Fire Succubi must make a DC 18 Willpower Save or want her to like them (Save DC is Cha based). Generally this means they are compelled to not attack her unless she attacks first (which ends the Aura's effect). Curiously this does not extend to her Burn ability, as many a would be paramour has hugged a Fire Succubi to death (they do at least get a Save each round they take damage to end the Aura's effect. A successful Save means the opponent is immune to this Fire Succubus' Aura for 24 hours. This is a Mind-Affecting, Compulsion effect.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At will: Charm Monster, Detect Good, Detect Thoughts, Plane Shift, Polymorph, Suggestion. Caster Level 12th.

Demonic Resilience (Ex): All the Fire Succubi Saves are Good Saves.

Combat: Fire Succubi rely on their Aura. If that doesn't work they try their SLA's. Failing that, they Plane Shift.




[size=14pt]Fire Succubi[/size]
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I are visiting local mage "Big Daddy" Faustivus."

Recycled Minions

"We understand you have some new minions for hire?"

"Naw, they're old. We initially made them to seduce the government of the Elemental Plane of Fire, but since we're cut off from the other Planes we're hiring out to topple mortal governments."

"They look rather intimidating..."

"Harlan, why are we here? We're a nature show."


Everyone Wants What They Can't Have

"Hey, this here is about nature. Just of a different sort."

"Mutual of Gnomeahaw wants us to evaluate the threat they represent to policy holders Jim."

"Seriously?"

[Bhu]

Trash Gryphons

https://www.redbubble.com/people/til...trash-gryphons

It's unknown where Trash Gryphons come from. No one takes credit for their creation, and they seem to fill a niche that implies they may have evolved naturally. There are many species featuring different bird/mammal mixes, all of them living in or near civilized areas. In theory they may even be domesticable, though they would make difficult pests.

Pigeon Rat
Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1/2d10 (2 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 15 ft. (3 squares), Climb 15 ft., Swim 15 ft., Fly 50 ft.
Armor Class: 14 (+2 Size, +2 Dex), touch 14, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-11
Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d3-4)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d3-4) and 2 Claws +0 melee (1d2-4)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Disease Carrier
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent, Immune to Disease
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 2, Dex 15, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills: Balance +10, Climb +10, Hide +17, Listen +3, Move Silently +9, Spot +3, Swim +10
Feats: Stealthy (B), Weapon Finesse
Environment: Any except desert
Organization: Solitary or Pair
Challenge Rating: 1/4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

Pigeon Rats get little respect, and many consider them vermin of the sky.

Disease Carrier (Ex): When exposed to disease the Gryphon must make a Fortitude Save as usual. If it fails it still doesn't suffer the effects of the disease. It does now carry it as though infected though, so it can pass the disease as appropriate.

Skills: Rats have a +4 racial bonus on Hide and Move Silently checks, and a +8 racial bonus on Balance, and Climb checks. A rat can always choose to take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened. A rat uses its Dexterity modifier instead of its Strength modifier for Climb and Swim checks. A rat has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line.

Combat: Pigeon Rats are fearless, and will bite anything that gets close.


Sparrow Mouse
Diminutive Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1/4d10 (2 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 15 ft. (3 squares), Climb 15 ft., Fly 20 ft.
Armor Class: 17 (+4 Size, +3 Dex), touch 17, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-16
Attack: Bite +8 melee (1d2-5)
Full Attack: Bite +8 melee (1d2-5)
Space/Reach: 1 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Disease Carrier
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent, Immune to Disease
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities: Str 1, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills: Balance +11, Climb +11, Hide +22, Listen +3, Move Silently +10, Spot +3, Swim +11
Feats: Stealthy (B), Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm or Temperate Lands
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Flock (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 1/4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

Sparrow Mice don't fare much better than Pigeon Rats.

Disease Carrier (Ex): When exposed to disease the Gryphon must make a Fortitude Save as usual. If it fails it still doesn't suffer the effects of the disease. It does now carry it as though infected though, so it can pass the disease as appropriate.

Skills: Mice have a +4 racial bonus on Hide and Move Silently checks, and a +8 racial bonus on Balance, Climb, and Swim checks. A mouse can always choose to take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened. A mouse uses its Dexterity modifier instead of its Strength modifier for Climb and Swim checks. A mouse has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line.

Combat: Sparrow Mice generally flee unless they're cornered.


Vulture Opossum
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d10+2 (7 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), Climb 20 ft, Fly 60 ft. (Average)
Armor Class: 16 (+1 Size, +2 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-
Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d3-1) and 2 Claws -1 melee (1d2-1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent, Immune to Disease, Deathwatch, Feign Death, Venom Resistant
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities: Str 8, Dex 15, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 6
Skills: Balance +6, Climb +10, Disguise -2 (+6 Feign Death), Jump +2, Hide +6, Listen +4, Move Silently +4, Spot +6, Survival+6
Feats: Track (B), Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm Plains
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Kettle (3-10)
Challenge Rating: 1/2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: 2 HD (Small)

Vulture Opossums are loathed, as they seem to be able to sense death.

Deathwatch Su): Vulture Opossums permanently have the benefits of the Deathwatch spell

Feign Death (Ex): An opossum can play dead with great accuracy. It lies stiffly on its side and secretes a foul odor, so it looks and smells like a dead animal. Although able to smell, hear, and know what is going on, the opossum is effectively blind while feigning death.

A creature examining the opossum may attempt a Heal or Spot check opposed by the opossum's Disguise check to detect the ruse. The opossum gains a +8 circumstance bonus on Disguise checks to feign death.

Venom Resistant (Ex): Opossums have a +2 racial bonus on saves against poison.

Skills: Opossums have a +4 racial bonus on Balance, Spot and Survival checks. Opossums have a +8 racial bonus on Climb checks. They can use their Dexterity modifier instead of their Strength modifier for Climb, Jump and Swim checks.

Combat: Vulture Opossums pretend to be dead against obviously powerful foes they can't fly away from, but they can be remarkably brave when hungry enough.


Crow Raccoon
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d10 (5 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), 20 ft Climb, Fly 60 ft. (Average)
Armor Class: 16 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-
Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d3-2)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d3-2) and 2 Claws +0 melee (1d2-2)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Bad Omen
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent, Kleptomania, Immune to Disease/Poison
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 6, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 6
Skills: Balance +11, Climb +11, Hide +7, Listen +5, Move Silently +5, Spot +5, Survival +6
Feats: Alertness (B), Weapon Finesse
Environment: Any land
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Flock (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 1/2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 2 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment: ---

Crow Raccoons are considered bad luck, and for once the superstitious mob is right.

Bad Omen (Su): Anything adjacent to a Crow Raccoon is subjected to a Doom spell, DC 12 (Save DC has a +4 Racial Bonus).

Kleptomania (Ex): Crow Raccoons are curious and compulsive thieves. If they see a shiny object or food they must make a DC 15 Willpower Save or try too snatch it and run off.

Skills: Raccoons have a +8 racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks and a +4 racial bonus on Listen and Survival checks. They can always choose to take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened. They use their Dexterity modifier instead of their Strength modifier for Climb checks.

Combat: Crow Raccoons go straight for the eyes. They're mean little bastards.


Ibis Possum
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d10 (5 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), Climb 20 ft., Fly 50 ft. (Poor)
Armor Class: 16 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-
Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d3-2)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d3-2) and 2 Claws +0 melee (1d2-2)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent, Wading, Wisdom
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 6, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 3, Wis 15, Cha 8
Skills: Balance +11, Climb +11, Jump +5, Hide +7, Listen +8, Move Silently +5, Spot +8, Survival +6
Feats: Alertness (B), Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm Forest, Plains or Swamp
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Flock (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 1/2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 2 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment: ---

Ibis Possums are prized as pets, as they are considered good luck.

Wisdom (Su): Ibis Possums have a +1 Insight Bonus on Willpower Saving Throws against Illusion spells, and powers/abilities that duplicate their effects.

Wading (Ex): Although it does not have a swim speed, an ibis suffers no movement penalty when walking through water less deep than the length of its legs.

Skills: Possums have a +8 racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks and a +4 racial bonus on Listen, Spot and Survival checks. They can always choose to take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened. They use their Dexterity modifier instead of their Strength modifier for Climb or Jump checks.

Combat: Ibis Possums try to flee unless they have no choice


Bluejay Squirrel
Diminutive Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1/4d10 (2 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Climb 10 ft., Fly 40 ft. (Poor)
Armor Class: 17 (+4 Size, +3 Dex), touch 17, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-
Attack: Bite +8 melee (1d3-5)
Full Attack: Bite +8 melee (1d3-5) and 2 Claws +3 melee (1d2-5)
Space/Reach: 1 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent, Servitor of Fiends
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 1, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 8
Skills: Balance +11, Climb +11, Hide +15, Jump +11, Listen +2, Move Silently +3, Spot +2
Feats: Run (B), Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm or Temperate Forest
Organization: Solitary, Pair
Challenge Rating: 1/3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

Bluejay Squirrels are rumored to be the friends of Fiends. Probably cause Fiends pop up around them.

Servitor of Fiends (Su): There is a 35% chance when attacked or scared that the Bluejay Squirrel causes a Lemure to appear. This is otherwise identical to Summon Monster I (Caster Level is 5th).

Skills: Squirrels have a +8 bonus racial bonus on Balance, Climb, and Jump checks. A squirrel can always choose to take 10 on Climb and Balance checks, even if rushed or threatened, and always counts as having a running start when using the Jump skill. A squirrel uses its Dexterity modifier instead of its Strength modifier for Climb and Jump checks.

Combat: Bluejay Squirrels are notoriously territorial, and dive bomb anyone approaching their nest.


Magpie Skunk
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d10 (5 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), Burrow 5 ft., Fly 40 ft. (Average)
Armor Class: 13 (+1 Size, +2 Dex), touch 13, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-
Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d3-4)
Full Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d3-4) and 2 Claws -1 melee (1d2-4)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spray
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities: Str 3, Dex 15, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 8
Skills: Hide +6, Intimidate +6, Listen +3, Move Silently +6, Spot +3, Survival +4
Feats: Skill Focus (Intimidate)(B), Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm or Temperate Forest
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Flock (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 1/2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 2 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment: ---

Magpie Skunks are more feared than regular skunks (they can fly after all).

Spray (Ex): Once per round and no more than three times per day, a skunk can emit a line of yellowish sulfuric liquid to a range of 5 feet. A creature in the area must make a successful Reflex save (DC 12) or be blinded and nauseated for 1d4 rounds. The save DC is Constitution-based and includes a +2 racial bonus. A delay poison or neutralize poison spell removes the effects from a nauseated creature.

Creatures with immunity to poison are unaffected by the nauseating effects of skunk musk but are still blinded if they fail their save. Additionally, the target suffers a -10 circumstance penalty to Hide checks while wearing clothes or armor contaminated with skunk musk. The creature also suffers a -4 circumstance penalty to all Charisma-based skill checks while wearing contaminated clothes or carrying contaminated gear.

Flesh, leather goods, metal goods (weapons, armor, and the like) must be washed in a concentrated mixture of vinegar over a period of three days in order to fully remove the stench of skunk musk. The prestidigitation spell cannot clean items stained by skunk musk.

Skills: Skunks have a +4 Racial Bonus on Intimidate and Move Silently Checks.

Combat: Magpie Skunks are generally pretty chill unless you make sudden moves towards them or make loud noises. Then they spray, spray, spray.


Starling Cat
Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1/2d10 (2 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 20 ft., Fly 40 ft. (Average)
Armor Class: 14 (+2 Size, +2 Dex), touch 14, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-
Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d3-4)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d3-4) and 2 Claws +0 melee (1d2-4)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent, Mimicry
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 3, Dex 15, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills: Balance +10, Climb +6, Hide +16, Jump +10, Listen +3, Move Silently +8, Spot +3
Feats: Stealthy (B), Weapon Finesse
Environment: Any non-Desert land
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Flock (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 1/4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

Starling Cats are also popular pets, and quite affectionate.

Mimicry (Ex): The Starling Cat can use Ghost Sound and Ventriloquism at will as Supernatural Abilities.

Skills: Cats have a +4 racial bonus on Climb, Hide, and Move Silently checks and a +8 racial bonus on Jump checks. Cats have a +8 racial bonus on Balance checks. They use their Dexterity modifier instead of their Strength modifier for Climb and Jump checks. *In areas of tall grass or heavy undergrowth, the Hide bonus rises to +8.

Combat: Starling Cats are pretty much like any stray cat really.

[Bhu]

Trash Gryphons
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom Jim and I are on site at Prak's latest laboratory, where he is being accused of malfeasance."

But They're So Adorable!

"Rumor has it the waste from your experiments with the Owlbear formula has spawned a few unplanned critters"

"Look everyone makes mistakes. Some of the formula leaked, local wildlife got into it...really, it's all under control."

"The newly created critters have caused multiple incidents sir!"

"People are exaggerating the size and scope of things Harlan."

"The skies are black with Weasel Chickens Prak.""


Gotta Catch Em' All

"No worries good sirs, my daughter is on the case. She wants some new pets."

"CRITTERS!"

"Yeahh, good luck with that...."

[Bhu]

Penguin Seal
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d10 (5 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 10 ft. (6 squares), Swim 40 ft.
Armor Class: 14 (+1 Size, +1 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-
Attack: Bite +2 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack: Bite +2 melee (1d3-1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, Hold Breath
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 8, Dex 12, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 6
Skills: Listen +3, Spot +3, Swim +7
Feats: Endurance, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Cold Aquatic
Organization: Flock (11-30)
Challenge Rating: 1/2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

Penguin Seals are fish stealing miscreants.

Hold Breath (Ex): A Penguin Seal can hold its breath for a number of rounds equal to 6 × its Constitution score before it risks drowning.

Skills: Penguin Seals have a a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. They can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. They can use the run action while swimming, provided they swims in a straight line.

Combat: Penguin Seals generally flee for the water rather than fight.




Penguin Seal
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom we're in Lumi, with Prak and his daughter ince again!"

Gosh Darn Pitchfork Bearing Mobs
"So you've relocated your lab again after the Gryphon incident?"

"Yup. On the plus side my daughter enjoys the snow."

"What are those creatures over therre Prak? Goodness man, have you learned nothing?"

"I'm afraid you can blame my daughter for these."

Bringing the Jiggle
"Viewers are of course familiar with the previous incident."

"Your daughter deliberately made a new Trash Gryphon? Why?."

"Because they're all flubbery and huggable."

[Bhu]

Dire Duck
Medium Animal
Hit Dice: 3d8+3 (16 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 25 ft. (5 squares), Swim 30 ft., Fly 80 ft. (Average)
Armor Class: 13 (+1 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/+2
Attack: Bite +3 melee (1d6)
Full Attack: Bite +3 melee (1d6)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Hold Breath
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities: Str 11, Dex 13, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +4, Spot +4, Swim +8
Feats: Endurance, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Any Warm or Temperate except Desert
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Flock (5-30)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement:
Level Adjustment: ---

"Bert...Bert ah heers suthin' outside.."

"Would you calm down? You always get nervous when we rob people."

"But this farm smells like duck poop. And pappy allways said never to rob a farm what smells like duck poop."

The origin of Dire Ducks is unknown. In recent times some of them have been domesticated, and are raised as guard animals on farms. They are surprisingly well suited to the role, being abnormally sassy given that they're, well, ducks.

Skills: Ducks gain a +8 Racial Bonus on Swim checks, and may always Take 10 on a Swim Check. They may also use the Run action while swimming provided they swim in a straight line.

Combat: Ducks like to run at foes quacking and raising hell in an attempt to intimidate them (which usually doesn't work), and then proceed to bite before fleeing out of range of the opponent, and then going back in to bite again.




Giant Duck
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be taking a look at the works of local farmer wizard John "El Monstruo" Sherman, and his continuing work on the Gargantua Principle."

Release The Quacken
"We understand your first project species are ducks. Why ducks?"

"Well aside from being food animals, they make great guard animals. They raise nine kinds of hell if anything gets within a mile of this place."

"Have you domesticated them?"

"In theory..."

Sassy
"What's the most difficult part of your new found business?"

"Convincing the little (beep) to nest here and not fly away."

[Bhu]

Dire Chicken
Large Animal
Hit Dice: 5d8+15 (37 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Clumsy)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+11
Attack: Peck +6 melee (1d8+4)
Full Attack: 1 Peck +6 melee (1d8+4) and 2 Claws +6 melee (1d6+2)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Flying Charge
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Short Term Flight
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +6, Will +2
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 15, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 7
Skills: Listen +4, Search +6, Spot +4
Feats: Improved Multiattack, Multiattack
Environment: Any Temperate or Warm except Aquatic
Organization: Solitary or Flock (10-30)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 6-10 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---

"YAY!!! CHIKINS!!!

"Much as our niece enjoys this here farm Abner, Ah can't trust a man raises giant chikins."

"Yup."

Dire Chickens were a once rare farm animal escaped into the wild. Subsequently they bred out of control and are now massive pests.

Flying Charge (Ex): When the Dire Chicken charges it uses it's Flight Speed to gain momentum, launching itself onto it's opponent in the air. It makes a Full Attack with the charge, and it's opponent must make a DC 12 Willpower Save (Save DC is 10 plus half Hit Dice plus Cha Modifier plus a +2 Racial Bonus) or be Shaken for 1d6 rounds.

Short Term Flight (Ex): A Chicken can fly for (3 plus Constitution Modifier) rounds before it must land and rest. It gains altitude half as quickly as other fliers do as well, but it may subtract 20' from any fall before calculating damage.

Skills: Dire Chickens gain a +8 Racial Bonus to Search Checks.

Combat: Dire Chickens usually fly sharp-bits-first right into opponents. Many adventurers refer to them as "the worlds tastiest flying saw".





Giant Chickens
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be taking a look at Farmer John's efforts to solve the various hunger crises around the world."

BAWK!
"Holy crap, are those chickens?"

"Yessir. One of my bigger successes."
"Sir, are you aware of what they are believed to be descended from?"

"You two scare of a few chickens?"

Fat Birb T-Rex
"I have a cube of force. I fear no chicken."

"Please. How often have you had to use that versus mere farm animals?"

"Far more often than I'd like..."

[Bhu]

Dire Cow
Huge Animal
Hit Dice: 12d8+60 (114 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (-2 Size, +10 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +9/+27
Attack: WHAP! +17 melee (2d8+15)
Full Attack: WHAP! +17 melee (2d8+15)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Trample (3d8+15), Stampede
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves: Fort +13, Ref +8, Will +5
Abilities: Str 30, Dex 10, Con 20, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +11, Spot +10
Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Improved Bull Rush, Large and in Charge, Power Attack
Environment: Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary, or Herd (4-12)
Challenge Rating: 7
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 13-18 HD (Huge), 19-24 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment: ----

MOO!

"Bert I blame you for this."

"Blame me for what? Nuthin's happened yet."

MOO!

"Giant cows Bert? Have we learned nuthin' in our travels?"

MOO!

"So you think herding the Dire Cows was a bad idea?"

"No I think it's perfectly fine"

"Well what..."

"OF COURSE I THINK IT'S A BAD IDEA DAMMIT!"

MOO!

Dire Cows were a well meaning Wizard experiment on creating more food. They forgot that bigger cows need more feed though. So while there's lots more milk and beef, you really need to have a buttload of hay (or whatever you feed cows). It's easier to let them roam wild and find their own food and hunt them down when you need one for dinner. But letting them run free can be dangerous (although it's not exactly easy to pen them up at their size).

Trample (Ex): DC 26 Reflex Save for half damage (Save DC is Str Based).

Stampede (Ex): If Dire Cattle get spooked they will stampede, royally screwing up the day of anyone in their path. Anything in the path of the Stampede takes 3d8+15 damage for every 2 cows in the herd, with a DC 26 Reflex Save for half damage (Save DC is Str Based).

Combat: Dire Cattle usually kick, headbutt or just squash anything much smaller than them. If it's large or bigger, or makes lots of sudden noise they stampede.




Giant Cow
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be taking a look at Farmer John's prize winning cow."

MOO!
"Sweet Jebus..."

"Big 'un ain't she?"

"How can you afford to feed her?"

"I can't. She pretty much goes where she wants to for food."

Don't Make Any Sudden Noises
"How do you get her to come back?"

"She feels safe here at night."

"Really?"

[Bhu]

Dire Turkey
Huge Animal
Hit Dice: 10d8+50 (95 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Clumsy)
Armor Class: 16 (-2 Size, +2 Dex, +6 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+22
Attack: Peck +12 melee (2d6+9)
Full Attack: Peck +12 melee (2d6+9)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Blind Panic
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Short Term Flight
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +9, Will +4
Abilities: Str 24, Dex 15, Con 18, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills: Listen +10, Spot +9
Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Improved Toughness, Reckless Charge
Environment: Temperate Forest
Organization: Solitary or Flock (4-6)
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 11-20 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---


"We're gonna eat good t'night Abner..."


Dire Turkeys are massive gobbling fiends who actively repress the local peasants by chasing them about when they gather nuts in the forest. Or at least that's what the local peasants claim. The starving, slightly wounded peasants carrying bird hunting bows...

Blind Panic (Ex): Whenever a Dire Turkey is subject to a Fear effect or Morale Penalty it completely freaks out and runs down the source of the fear, before fleeing into the distance. This is a Charge attack doing 4d6+14 damage if it is successful. If it hits, the victim must make a DC 22 Fortitude Save (Save DC is 10 plus half HD plus Str Modifier) or be knocked Prone and Dazed 1 round.

Short Term Flight (Ex): A Dire Turkey can fly for (3 plus Constitution Modifier) rounds before it must land and rest. It gains altitude half as quickly as other fliers do as well, but it may subtract 20' from any fall before calculating damage.

Combat: Dire Turkeys usually charge in an attempt to back opponents off. Or they go screeching into the forest. One of the two.




Giant Turkeys
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be finishing up our tour of Farmer John's animal husbandry program."

GOBBLEOBBLEOBBLE!
"Somehow I just knew it would be turkeys..."

"Hssh. They're very sensitive to loud noises and criticism. We don't wanna spark a panic."

"Never fear good sir. Jim is alays equipped with Mutual of Gnomeahaw's trusty cube of force!"

"Oh yeah. Still I'd leave them well enough alone."

TREE CULTISTS?

"So why are they endlessly circling that tree to the accompaniment of chanting?"

"Have I mentioned we also have a pet business?"

"Only as an obvious dodge to my question..."

[Bhu]

Dire Bunnies
Large Animal
Hit Dice: 6d8+18 (45 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares), Burrow 20 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+11
Attack: Claw +6 melee (1d6+3)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +6 melee (1d6+3) and 1 Bite +1 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Rake (1d6+3)
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Immune to Nausea, Magic Tinkering, Scent, Scamper
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +8, Will +4
Abilities: Str 16, Dex 16, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills: Jump +11, Listen +13, Spot +8
Feats: Alertness, Fleet of Foot, Run
Environment: Temperate Forests or Plains
Organization: Solitary, Pair, Group (4-8), Colony (Several thousand)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 6-9 HD (Large), 10-18 HD (Huge), 19-36 HD (Gargantuan), 37+ HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment: ---


"Mommie I found a bunny can I keep 'im."

"HOLY (BEEP)!!!"

"Mommie you always told me I wasn't 'sposed to use that word..."


Rumor has it that Dire Bunnies began as either a drunken joke, or the result of a mad farming mage who wanted a bigger food source. If so the joke was on him. A diet of pure rabbit meat can lead to a condition known as "rabbit starvation", and they mindlessly reproduce much quicker than sheep or cattle. Some are extwa fwuffy though, so their fur is quite prized. they aren't as good at burrowing as their regular sized cousins, but they can still scamper quite fast.

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Dire Rabbit hits with it's Claw Attack, it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it may Rake.

Rakes (Ex): In a Grapple the Dire Rabbit has 2 Rake Attacks +6 to hit doing 1d6+3 damage.

Immune to Nausea (Ex): Due to their odd digestive system, rabbits cannot vomit, and so are immune to being Sickened/Nauseated.

Magic Tinkering (Ex): Unlike most Dire Animals, Dire Rabbits come about as a result of magic used to increase their potential (much like Magebred horses in Eberron). Unfortunately it went awry, and instead Dire Rabbits continue to grow with age. Maximum size and age are currently unknown.

Scamper (Ex): If it wishes to flee a Dire Rabbit can temporarily increase it's Land Speed to 80 ft for (3+Constitution Modifier) rounds. Once it Scampers it is Fatigued and may not scamper again until it has rested.

Skills: Dire Rabbits have a +8 Racial Bonus on Jump checks. They also have a +4 Racial Bonus on Listen checks.

Combat: Bunnies are much like cats in that they prefer to grab hold and rake.



Elder Dire Bunnies
Super Deluxe Extra Biggie Sized "Hep Me Jebus" Animal
Hit Dice: 100d8+1500 (1950 hp)
Initiative: +8
Speed: 70 ft. (14 squares)
Armor Class: 34 (-16 Size, +40 Natural), touch 0, flat-footed 34
Base Attack/Grapple: +75/+115
Attack: Claw +85 melee (8d6+20/19-20)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +85 melee (8d6+20/19-20) and 1 Bite +85 melee (8d6+10/19-20)
Space/Reach: 100 ft./65 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Rake (8d6+20)
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Immune to Nausea, Magic Tinkering, Scent, Scamper, Invulnerability 20/-
Saves: Fort +67, Ref +52, Will +39
Abilities: Str 50, Dex 10, Con 40, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 40
Skills: Jump +40, Listen +40, Search +19, Spot +40
Feats: Alertness, Awesome Blow, Blind-Fight, Cleave, Daunting Presence (Lords of Madness), Defensive Sweep (PHB2), Devastating Critical (Bite, Claw, Epic), Dire Charge (Epic), Endurance, Epic Endurance, Epic Prowess x5, Epic Will, Fleet of Foot (Complete Warrior), Great Cleave, Hear the Unseen (Complete Adventurer), Improved Bull Rush, Improved Critical (Claw, Bite), Improved Initiative, Improved Multiattack, Multiattack, Overwhelming Assault (PHB2), Overwhelming Critical (Bite, Claw, Epic), Power Attack, Run, Superior Initiative (Epic), Weapon Focus (Claw, Bite) 1 more
Environment: Temperate Forests or Plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 37
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 101+ HD (Big)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Lookit it...just standin' aout there...wigglin' it's nose...it's EVIL I tells ya!"

" Bob...it's a rabbit...they all do that."

It'll be a'comin' fer our alfalfa fields...Ah knows it...Ah'm psychic that way..."

" Bob...rabbits eat alfalfa."

"Guess it's up to me to stop it!!"

10 minutes later:

"Dude...what the hell is Bob doing? Is he attacking a 300 foot tall rabbit with a hoe?"

"Yeah. Good thing the rabbit hasn't even noticed him. Oh wait I think it just sniffed him..."

BOOM

"Well...guess we won't have to bail Bob out of jail anymore..."

Some Dire Rabbits get old enough to become truly gigantic. Many an adventurer have been goaded into attacking one to avoid being called a chicken. Not many of them survive the dare. Those who do have one really lucky rabbits foot necklace (which requires some sort of magical levitation device to tow around).

Invulnerability (Ex): Invulnerability is similar to Damage Reduction, but it also blocks damage from energy attacks, spells, spell-like abilities, and supernatural abilities. For example the Elder Dire Bunny has Invulnerability 20. That means it negates the first 20 points of damage from any attack (this includes untyped damage).

Combat: Dire Elder Bunnies rarely need to attack. They're less an opponent than a mobile aspect of nature.







Giant Bunnies
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be looking at the pets Farmer John has for sale."

More Dangerous Than They Appear
"Rabbits? You made Giant Rabbits? Aren't the regular ones big enough pest now?"

"Bunnies are surprisingly loyal to owners who treat them well. They've successfully defended many a peasant froom wolves or coyotes."

"Are there any difficulties with them?"

"There is a kink we haven't quite worked out..."

OH CRAP

"What might that be?"

"They grow bigger with age. But it's not like they're immortal. What's the worst that could happen"

[Bhu]

Dire Hamster
Small Animal
Hit Dice: 1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Burrow 20 ft., Climb 15 ft.
Armor Class: 13 (+1 Size, +1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/-5
Attack: Nibble +1 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack: Nibble +1 melee (1d3-1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Wrasslin'
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Rubber Spine
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +1
Abilities: Str 8, Dex 13, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 8
Skills: Climb +9, Escape Artist +9, Hide +5, Listen +6, Search +1, Spot +2
Feats: Weapon Finesse
Environment: Any Warm or Temperate except Aquatic or Marsh
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-50)
Challenge Rating: 1/4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

"Where the hell is that halfling with our dinner? Check the kitchen Bert."

10 minutes later

He's wrasslin' a 40 pound hamster over a carrot Bob."

"Friggin' hamsters...HEY JIMMY!! QUIT MESSIN' AROUND AND MAKE SOME FOOD ALREADY!"

Dire Hamsters are dangerous, just not in the traditional sense. They aren't particularly powerful, but they breed quick, they always seem hungry, and a colony of them can wipe out a farm community pretty quick.

Wrasslin' (Ex) Hamsters love to wrestle over food or mates. They may attempt a Grapple check without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Rubber Spine (Ex): Hamsters subtract 10 feet from the distance of any fall before figuring up falling damage.

Skills (Ex): Hamsters have a +4 Racial Bonus on Listen and Search checks. They also have a +8 Racial Bonus on Climb and Escape Artist checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check. They may use their Strength or Dexterity Modifier for Climb Checks, whichever is better.

Combat: Hamsters will grapple opponents their own size or smaller, but generally flee other opponents unless their pups are threatened.



Giant Hamsters
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be looking at the pets Farmer Johns...Giant...Hamters."

Everything Is Potentially a Nom
"Surely these would be voracious devourers of grain were they to get loose in the wild?"

"We don't intend for that to happen."

"Famous last words for many a mage."

"Good sir, I have the backing of shrewd investors. They know a safe bet when they see it."

I'll Wrassle You Fer That Carrot

"Why is that one staring us down?"

"Well, some of them are kind of territorial..."

[Bhu]

Dire Guinea Pig
Medium Animal
Hit Dice: 2d8 (9 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Burrow 10 ft., Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class: 13 (+1 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/+1
Attack: Nibble +2 melee (1d4)
Full Attack: Nibble +2 melee (1d4)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities: Str 11, Dex 12, Con 11, Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 8
Skills: Hide +2, Jump +2, Listen +8, Spot +2, Swim +8
Feats: Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm or Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-50)
Challenge Rating: 1/6
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

"Why is the ground rumbling? What the hell is that squeaking noise?"

Dire Guinea Pigs are either the pets of odder than usual Giants, or livestock animals for smaller humanoid races who have been brave enough to steal them from Giants and raise them on their own. Few towns are insane enough to steal a Giants beluved pet, so quite frankly most of the humanoids you'll encounter raising these will be pretty freaky too. Let's face it, what kind of insane whackadoo steals the pets of something that can squish them without a second thought?

Skills: Guinea Pigs have a +4 Racial Bonus to Listen Checks, and a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim Checks.

Combat: Guinea Pigs run, they don't fight. If they're cornered or defending their kids they'll put on a show, but they aren't really great combatants. Fortunately, as they are pets, combat is rare.




Giant Guinea Pigs
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be continuing our adventures with Farmer John."

Surprisingly Brave For Furry Potatoes
"I've had regular Guinea Pigs. They can be awful short tempered about the quality of their food..."

"That's why we also market Farmer Johns Perfect Piggie Rations!"

"Saw that coming..."


Crops? What Crops?

"Again, wouldn't these be devastating to crops if they were to get loose?"

"Why does everyone think so little of our security? We only employee the finest, most experienced Gremlins."

[Bhu]

Dire Swan
Medium Animal
Hit Dice: 3d8+6 (19 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft., Fly 80 ft. (Average)
Armor Class: 15 (+2 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/+4
Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d6+2)
Full Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d6+2) and 2 Wing Slaps -1 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Hold Breath, Rouse
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 14, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills: Listen +4, Spot +4, Swim +10
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Any Temperate
Organization: Domesticated, Solitary, Pair, or Flock
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 4-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

"So what's this weeks assignment Abner?"

"S'nother bird"

"Oh Jebus wept..."

Dire Swans are raised as living ornaments, and sometimes as guard animals. They are surprisingly mean tempered after all, and make decent guard animals as they're quite loud when surprised or angered.

Hold Breath (Ex): Dire Swans may hold their breath for (4 times Constitution modifier) before it risks drowning.

Rouse (Ex): If the Swan spots something it hasn't seen before it unleashes such sonic Hell it can be heard for a mile away. Anything within 100 feet is instantly awakened, even if it is unconscious due to magic (but not due to damage).

Skills: Dire Swans have a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim Checks, and may always take 10 on a Swim check.

Combat: Swans tend to charge forward and start biting. They're loud, and very much not subtle.




Giant Swans
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be looking at the more unusual side of Farmer John's pets.

Mess With The Honk, You Get The Bonk
"So these are pretty much vanity pets for the wealthy aren't they?"

"Oh, no sir. They make good early warning systems too."

"When I was a young man, I remember the Swans on our homestead. They made quite the ruckus whenever there were visitors. Announced or otherwise.."


Overly Aggressive

"Speaking of which, they seem to be stampeding our way..."

"Yeah, I need to teach them not to charge the guests. They're stubborn that way."

[Bhu]

Dire Parrot
Medium Animal
Hit Dice: 2d8+2 (11 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), Fly 80 ft. (Average)
Armor Class: 15 (+2 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/+2
Attack: Bite +3 melee (1d6+1/18-20)
Full Attack: 1Bite +3 melee (1d6+1/18-20) and 2 Talons -2 melee (1d4)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Cracking Beak
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Mimicry
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 15, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills: Listen +5, Perform (Mimicry) +7, Spot +5
Feats: Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm Forest or Plains or Hills
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Flock (4-10)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

"RAWK! Polly wants a cracker!"

"How much we bein' paid to catch these things Abner? Ah like money an' all but damn these birds are annoying."

"RAWK! Polly wants some gold pieces!"

"Thats why we're fetchin' em. Don't know whut them boys have in mind, but it's worth it for 20 GP a bird."

"RAWK! Polly bein' used!"

"Yeah but Ah think they go out of their way to be jerks y'know."

"RAWK! Polly knows about Bert's being drunk and nekkid in the woods!"

"THAT'S IT! Ah've taken all the ____ Ah'm gonna take from birds! Open that cage and give him an axe, we'll settle this now!"

".....um...Bert...you been eating the local berries? Birds can't hold axes."

"Good! That'll make this easier!"

Dire Parrots are incredibly large parrots who not only can repeat what they've heard, the can expand upon it, and almost seem to do so somewhat maliciously.

Cracking Beak (Ex): Parrots beaks are incredibly powerful for their size, and can even crack nuts. They threaten a Critical on a successful 18-20.

Mimicry (Ex): The Dire Parrot can mimic most sounds it has heard. A creature that hears the sounds can tell they are imitations with an opposed Perform versus Sense Motive Check.

Skills: The Dire Parrot gains a +4 Racial Bonus on Perform (Mimicry) checks.

Combat: Parrots go straight for the bite before flying off. They know better than to hang around.



Giant Parrots
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens! Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be taking a look at Farmer John's potential undoing."

RAWK!
"You know Parrots repeat things, right?"

"True, but I've done nothing they can tell on."

"But what about your employees?"

[size=14pt]"THE BODIES ARE UNDER PIER 12!! RAWK!!"[/size]

Never Trust A Parrot
"That doesn't bode well."

"Dammit...SECURITY!! I need a sweep of the docks."