Anonymouswizard's Astoundingly Assonant Random Banter #240

[Peelee]

They don't have the license anymore so he can only make unnamed cameos.

Ahh, licensing issues. Truly the real greatest villain in all of Marveldom.

[Anonymouswizard]

Yes, it's definitely unlikely the Smodzilla or some other monster that the contingencies are suitable for will appear in the next few decades, licence or no.

'Oh no it's Geoff the giant radiation breathing hedgehog! If only we had plans for dealing with massive radioactive creatures who aren't the Hulk!'

[Rater202]

Yes, it's definitely unlikely the Smodzilla or some other monster that the contingencies are suitable for will appear in the next few decades, licence or no.

'Oh no it's Geoff the giant radiation breathing hedgehog! If only we had plans for dealing with massive radioactive creatures who aren't the Hulk!'

Actually, we found out about the Kaiju Chaper of the Protocols because Kaiju attacked the Island... Well, kinda.

The Hex are six Eternals who were designed to fight cosmic predators—Things like the Celestials but not the Celestials—so instead of looking like humans they look like giant monsters merged with advanced weapons technology and locked in hermetically sealed armor.

They are, however, fully sophont with human-like minds and psychology. Apparently, the fact that they're locked up and treated like weapons when not in use means that despite being a million years old they're mentally only teenagers.

They were set loose against Krakoa during the current AXE event, which started with Druig, as Prime Eternal, deciding that mutants were a form of Deviant and Mutants being able to resurrect themselves and having colonized and terraformed Mars counted as Excess Deviation declared War on Krakoa with the intent of a quick and easy genocide to secure his new position of leadership.

(The rest of the Eternals really don't care. Druig made a convincing argument as Prime Eternal but Druig was also a compromise candidate when a new Prime Eternal had to be chose quickly and he has like, no loyalists. He was voted out of power more of less immediately the next time there was a Unimind big enough to have a vote for Prime Eternal.)

It's just that, when we fond out about it, we found out that it had an entire subsection for "radioactive firebreathing dinosaurs" but not one for "Centaurs that generate their own attack Fauna."

[Anonymouswizard]

And you lost me at 'celestial'.

Why aren't there robot limbs in D&D yet? More games need to let characters start play with robot limbs. Universal cyborgs please!

[Rater202]

And you lost me at 'celestial'.

In this context, cosmic deities who resemble humanoids in powered armor but are really more somewhere in between an energy being possessing a robot and a techno-organic life form.

They're considered Gods by Marvel's internal logic and, other than the One Above All who is your classic All-Powerful, All-Knowing, All-Seeing, benevolent creator, the most powerful beings to be considered gods in Marvel's cosmology... Except for Franklin Richards but he's a fluke of genetics.

They're also frickin' huge. The Avengers were using the corpse of one as a base of operations until recently.

[factotum]

And you lost me at 'celestial'.

Why aren't there robot limbs in D&D yet? More games need to let characters start play with robot limbs. Universal cyborgs please!

Aren't Warforged from the Eberron setting basically cyborgs?

[Rater202]

Warfogrged are technically cyborgs in that they contain living organic matter, but that matter is wood, not flesh, and they were created whole cloth rather than be modified from a pre-existing base creature.

So they're more like Androids—both under the modern definition of "humanoid robot," albeit a magic-powered one rather than mechanical or electronic, and under the older definition of "synthetic or artificial human."

[Anonymouswizard]

In this context, cosmic deities who resemble humanoids in powered armor but are really more somewhere in between an energy being possessing a robot and a techno-organic life form.

They're considered Gods by Marvel's internal logic and, other than the One Above All who is your classic All-Powerful, All-Knowing, All-Seeing, benevolent creator, the most powerful beings to be considered gods in Marvel's cosmology... Except for Franklin Richards but he's a fluke of genetics.

They're also frickin' huge. The Avengers were using the corpse of one as a base of operations until recently.

You know that you can just say 'giant alien robo-deity', right?

Aren't Warforged from the Eberron setting basically cyborgs?

Warforged are robots*. Half-golems would be closer, but if I ever get to start at a high enough level to be one I'll be sure to wake up.

On the other hand Warforged are one of the few nonhuman races I'll seriously consider playing in D&D (the other is Changelings, because their shapeshifting includes gender). Because who Tordek needs for backup isn't Jozan, it's clearly the Priestbot 5000.

* More in the Asimovian style than the realistic style.

[Rater202]

You know that you can just say 'giant alien robo-deity', right?

But that's not as fun.

[Keltest]

But that's not as fun.

I disagree. When you roll with the fact that its nonsense, then you can suspend your disbelief a lot easier. If its not trying to make sense in the first place, then the fact that it doesnt do so isnt a flaw anymore.

[Peelee]

But that's not as fun.

I promise you, from the perspective of someone reading your posts, it really is.

[Anonymouswizard]

But that's not as fun.

Is it? I had a lot of fun condensing it.

I disagree. When you roll with the fact that its nonsense, then you can suspend your disbelief a lot easier. If its not trying to make sense in the first place, then the fact that it doesnt do so isnt a flaw anymore.

Also this. American comics make as much sense to me as Warhammer 40,000, and I can't take the latter seriously either. It's not even just the fact that people take what's clearly a teenager's comedy setting as a serious franchise for adults, it's just ludicrous all the way down (except for the surprisingly well done technomysticism). Oh I still enjoy Warhammer stuff, but I embrace the silliness. Necrons are space mummies who fly inertialess pyramids around the galaxy, why the hell not

Oh sure, the Necrons have a backstory that explains that they're soulless uplifted minds in highly durable robotic shells (even if some have limited processing capabilities), who fell to that state due to warring with the Old Ones over their horrendously different lifespans.

But what you need to know is that they're space mummies who fly around the galaxy in innertialess pyramids.

[Fyraltari]

I disagree, what you need to know about the Necrons is that one keepings stelaing stuff (and people) for ****s and giggles and another has robo-alzheimer and is still one of their best generals.

[Peelee]

I disagree, what you need to know about the Necrons is that one keepings stelaing stuff (and people) for ****s and giggles and another has robo-alzheimer and is still one of their best generals.

That's still pretty short and simplified, which is still a good way to present the information to others.

[LaZodiac]

And you lost me at 'celestial'.

Why aren't there robot limbs in D&D yet? More games need to let characters start play with robot limbs. Universal cyborgs please!

There are prosthetic robot limbs in D&D actually! You can start play with a robot limb just ask your DM- they are there for use.

I disagree, what you need to know about the Necrons is that one keepings stelaing stuff (and people) for ****s and giggles and another has robo-alzheimer and is still one of their best generals.

I love the Infinite. He's my favorite robot bones and I've know him for approximately a week or so.

EDIT: Also Anon you need to specify they're also Terminators. They're mummy terminators who wants to eradicate all life because they're meaners and I love them. Silly robot bones.

[Fyraltari]

I love the Infinite. He's my favorite robot bones and I've know him for approximately a week or so.

His dozen-of-millenia-long prank war with Orikan the Divine is just excellent. At some point, they should just admit they are dating, though.

[Bartmanhomer]

Hey everyone. I got wonderful news. Facebook Dating works for me. There was a match for me and she and I are talking at the moment.

[Anonymouswizard]

EDIT: Also Anon you need to specify they're also Terminators. They're mummy terminators who wants to eradicate all life because they're meaners and I love them. Silly robot bones.

I thought that got retconned like four editions ago, and now the ones with thoughts want to steal flesh bodies.

Next you'll say that my Necron Dynasty of Ultramarines gets no boost from allying with Papa Smurf

Hey everyone. I got wonderful news. Facebook Dating works for me. There was a match for me and she and I are talking at the moment.

Give it a while, see if the conversation continues tomorrow.

[LaZodiac]

His dozen-of-millenia-long prank war with Orikan the Divine is just excellent. At some point, they should just admit they are dating, though.

No idea who that one is.

I thought that got retconned like four editions ago, and now the ones with thoughts want to steal flesh bodies.

Next you'll say that my Necron Dynasty of Ultramarines gets no boost from allying with Papa Smurf

Give it a while, see if the conversation continues tomorrow.

Look, they still get back up after being shot, are still skeleton robots with giant guns, and still march menacingly over piles of human skulls. No amount of techno-egypt aestheticism is going to stop them from being terminators in my brain.

[Anonymouswizard]

Look, they still get back up after being shot, are still skeleton robots with giant guns, and still march menacingly over piles of human skulls. No amount of techno-egypt aestheticism is going to stop them from being terminators in my brain.

Now that's just any standard Killbot 6000A. Now if you're willing to splurge on the Killbot 6000C we can have them dancing over the skull piles. Prices start at $2,467,000 for the Macerena up to $999,999,999.50 for a full ballet.

Dressing them up as lesbian schoolgirls will cost extra.

[LaZodiac]

Now that's just any standard Killbot 6000A. Now if you're willing to splurge on the Killbot 6000C we can have them dancing over the skull piles. Prices start at $2,467,000 for the Macerena up to $999,999,999.50 for a full ballet.

Dressing them up as lesbian schoolgirls will cost extra.

Celeste does model painting if I wanted necrons in sailor suits I'd just pay her in kisses.

[Mystic Muse]

Celeste does model painting if I wanted necrons in sailor suits I'd just pay her in kisses.

This would probably, somehow, tick a certain group of people off less than my majority-female Space Marine Legion with their own primarch.

Whose name I am still workshopping, but her title as a warp entity is "The Tree That Denies the Fire."

[Anonymouswizard]

This would probably, somehow, tick a certain group of people off less than my majority-female Space Marine Legion with their own primarch.

There are no female Space Marines.

There are no male Space Marines.

Every Space Marine's gender is Space Marine.

I still want to collect an all-female Kreigers regiment. Not that anybody can tell of course, those costs and masks are great at hiding physical characteristics.

[LaZodiac]

There are no female Space Marines.

There are no male Space Marines.

Every Space Marine's gender is Space Marine.

I still want to collect an all-female Kreigers regiment. Not that anybody can tell of course, those costs and masks are great at hiding physical characteristics.

While this is, on paper, true, boy they sure do look like big chunks of male coded meat and smurf armour.

Also lets be fair Sisters of Battle are basically space marines but cooler. The paladin to their fighter.

[Fyraltari]

No idea who that one is.

Another Necron hero character. The book The Infinite and the Divine stars these two idiots and their millenia-long rivalry and is honestly just a bundle of fun to read, which is pretty rare for 40k literature.

Edit: for example, early on they have a brawl and the narration notes that, while they are two immortal inhumanly strong robots which means their fight is rather impressive and destructive, had it happened back when they both had mortal bodies, it would have looked rather pathetic since it'd have been two old nerds with no combat training whatsoever pointlessly slapping each other.

[Anonymouswizard]

While this is, on paper, true, boy they sure do look like big chunks of male coded meat and smurf armour.

Yes, in the same way that Eldar are feminine coded. The bigger issue is having half the bloody factions Space Marines. There's no escape from them!

Also lets be fair Sisters of Battle are basically space marines but cooler. The paladin to their fighter.

Nah, Space Marines are Barbarians. The Imperial Guard are Fighters.

[LaZodiac]

Another Necron hero character. The book The Infinite and the Divine stars these two idiots and their millenia-long rivalry and is honestly just a bundle of fun to read, which is pretty rare for 40k literature.

Edit: for example, early on they have a brawl and the narration notes that, while they are two immortal inhumanly strong robots which means their fight is rather impressive and destructive, had it happened back when they both had mortal bodies, it would have looked rather pathetic since it'd have been two old nerds with no combat training whatsoever pointlessly slapping each other.

Like the inverse of Doctor Strange and Dormammu having a fist fight cause they ran out of magic. Idiot wizard slap fight that is impressive purely because they're indestructible robot skeletons.

I ****in' love Necrons. I don't know this series at all can you be a Necron in Rogue Trader?

Yes, in the same way that Eldar are feminine coded. The bigger issue is having half the bloody factions Space Marines. There's no escape from them!

Nah, Space Marines are Barbarians. The Imperial Guard are Fighters.

I mean that's just normal elf ****. No one argues you can't be a male elf. But if you dare say "girl space marine", certain parts of the fanbase open up a rift in the warp with the amount of butthurt they have about Girls Existing.

Honestly yeah that's fair. Imperial Guard are fighters, Space Marines are Barbs, and the Sisters are Paladins.

[Mystic Muse]

I'm leaning more towards Paladins with most of my factions. The intent is to do something more along the lines of Brighthammer than base Warhammer.

[Anonymouswizard]

I ****in' love Necrons. I don't know this series at all can you be a Necron in Rogue Trader?

40kRPG stuff time!
Dark Heresy: humans only.
Rogue Trader: humans core, Eldar, Orks, and Tau added in expansions.
Deathwatch: Space Marines only
Black Crusade: humans and Space Marines.
Only War: humans and abhumans (Ogryns and Ratlings).
Wrath & Glory (current): humans, Eldar, Orks, Space Marines, and ****offnobodylikesyouyourenotevenanactualimprovene nt* Marines core, abhumans in an expansion.

To the best of my knowledge no Necrons yet.

* Pronounced 'cash grab'.

I mean that's just normal elf ****. No one argues you can't be a male elf. But if you dare say "girl space marine", certain parts of the fanbase open up a rift in the warp with the amount of butthurt they have about Girls Existing.

Honestly yeah that's fair. Imperial Guard are fighters, Space Marines are Barbs, and the Sisters are Paladins.

I mean what do you expect when Games Workshop has the Squa...

And yeah, people getting annoyed about vaginas being allowed in their super soldier treehouse club is not something I get. I also don't like attempts to justify it. After everything Space Marines go through? A) do those bits even work B) would they care what's between your legs anyway C) why would recruiters discriminate based on gender when they live on hellholes.

I have no issue with fem marines, but I'd prefer some female Catachan models. Other guard regiments too, but there's something unique about them. I think it's the idea of entire units of women that make Abby from The Last of Us Part 2 look like a Final Fantasy hero.

I'm leaning more towards Paladins with most of my factions. The intent is to do something more along the lines of Brighthammer than base Warhammer.

Good news, there is a brighter Warhammer setting!

It's called Warhammer Fantasy Battles

In all seriousness though I just don't get Brighthammer. The ridiculous darkness is like 99% of the reason I laugh so hard.

[LaZodiac]

40kRPG stuff time!
Dark Heresy: humans only.
Rogue Trader: humans core, Eldar, Orks, and Tau added in expansions.
Deathwatch: Space Marines only
Black Crusade: humans and Space Marines.
Only War: humans and abhumans (Ogryns and Ratlings).
Wrath & Glory (current): humans, Eldar, Orks, Space Marines, and ****offnobodylikesyouyourenotevenanactualimprovene nt* Marines core, abhumans in an expansion.

To the best of my knowledge no Necrons yet.

Good news, there is a brighter Warhammer setting!

It's called Warhammer Fantasy Battles

In all seriousness though I just don't get Brighthammer. The ridiculous darkness is like 99% of the reason I laugh so hard.

At least I can be an anime furry... but why no robot skeletons! Ridiculous. No video game understands that no one wants to play as the choir boys anymore.

Ultimately the point of Warhammer 40K is that it is functionally parody. "The grim darkness of the future" is not a line that should be taken seriously. That said, people like the setting and want to treat it seriously, so we get people like Celeste who want to make her cool heroes that'll make the world maybe a little less Awful. I think that's cool.