Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

[Anonymouswizard]

Isn't Grommet the actual artificer and Wallace is almost one?

Nah, Wallace is the one who makes all the gizmos. Grommet us a rogue (maybe an expert in 3.X).

[Metastachydium]

is a rogue (maybe an expert in 3.X).

You really have a low opinion on post-3.5 Rogues, don't you?

[Rater202]

Wallace is an Artiifcer with absurdly high intellect but he dumped Wisdom hard as represented by the fact that he uses convoluted inventions to save time or effort on things that would just be easier to do manually and additionally, he operates on a somewhat fuzzy logic. His tool proficiency likewise suggests a reasonable dexterity and he's probably got a custom feat or two that helps him cut down on the cost of actually making this stuff given that he's typically depicted as working for a living, albeit in self-run business ventures.

Grommit meanwhile is a rogue with very high Intelligence and high Wisdom.

We can also infer that he has a high charisma—it's not easy to clearly express one's thoughts using only one's brow—dexterity, and judging by how much slapstick he goes through, Constitution but tht same slapstick suggests only average strength at best.

[Anonymouswizard]

You really have a low opinion on post-3.5 Rogues, don't you?

Actually I thought 5e Rogue first, mainly because of the scene where he's using Cunning Action to lay model railway track really fast. I thought of Expert second because it would allow him to sidestep the way Class/Cross-class Skills work in 3.X.

[Metastachydium]

Grommit meanwhile is a rogue with very high Intelligence and high Wisdom.

We can also infer that he has a high charisma—it's not easy to clearly express one's thoughts using only one's brow—dexterity, and judging by how much slapstick he goes through, Constitution but tht same slapstick suggests only average strength at best.

Actually I thought 5e Rogue first, mainly because of the scene where he's using Cunning Action to lay model railway track really fast. I thought of Expert second because it would allow him to sidestep the way Class/Cross-class Skills work in 3.X.

Ah, so what you really meant was Factotum!

[animorte]

Ah, so what you really meant was Factotum!

Insurmountable, that one!

[Bohandas]

*May not eliminate the villains in a Clonus Horror type situation by infecting the clones they're harvesting their replacement organs from with a deadly disease

[KorvinStarmast]

* May no longer play the security officer in Star Trek RPG when the security officer player is unable to play.
** May no longer beat up a scientist who runs off collecting flowers (and get poisoned by local flora while so doing) while our away team is trying to hurry back to the ship before the ion storm reaches us.
*** May no longer drag that scientist by the hair back to the ship while zapping any local fauna we encounter on the way.

[Metastachydium]

** May no longer beat up a scientist who runs off collecting flowers (and get poisoned by local flora while so doing) while our away team is trying to hurry back to the ship before the ion storm reaches us

Quite on the contrary! Punish that bastard!

[Rater202]

I can't try to end a war between animal-based people and plant-based people by genetically engineering a race of planimal people.

[Rockphed]

I can't try to end a war between animal-based people and plant-based people by genetically engineering a race of planimal people.

Great, now the fungus people are trying to eat both the plant people and the animal people. Good job Rater. You made things worse.

* Trying to make -people for all the kingdoms is forbidden.
** Virus people are not the borg.

[danielxcutter]

I can't try to end a war between animal-based people and plant-based people by genetically engineering a race of planimal people.

Well, it's arguably better than how the war in MGQ went between the insects and the plants...

[Beelzebub1111]

I am not allowed to ask questions about the function of a setting's "Socialist Utopia" or make myself an enemy of the state by slowly introducing capitalism. (I almost had it, too before the GM caught on)

[Bohandas]

*Kermit the Frog is not a Deep One
**The last verse of Rainbow Connection is not a recap of the plot of The Shadow Over Insmouth

[Rater202]

When the ambiguously evil lord says that the conflict shall be resolved by the party facing his champions in the "sport of kings," my default assumption should not be "Giant Robot Basket Ball"

[KorvinStarmast]

I may no longer try to cast suck red flame sacred flame against snake swarms who have dex boost.

[Metastachydium]

When the ambiguously evil lord says that the conflict shall be resolved by the party facing his champions in the "sport of kings," my default assumption should not be "Giant Robot Basket Ball"

I suspect it's not cricket either, and that makes me sad.

[KorvinStarmast]

On behalf of our DM:

* I may no longer cast geas as an Action during combat (since it takes a minute to cast) on two consecutive rounds.

** I may no longer pronounce that word, geas, to rhyme with geese.

On behalf of me:

*** I may no longer pronounce that word as 'gay-ahz' when there is someone in our group who speaks Irish Gealic, and who will die on the hill of "that's pronounced gehsh!" (Well, it sounded like gaish?) Gash with a long a sound ... )

**** I may no longer forget that dwarfs, like my PC, are resistant to poison.

On behalf of our barbarian:

***** I may no longer ignore the gaish when it turns into a suggestion

On behalf of our bard:

****** ... may no longer post on LuteTok the pictures of our barbarian, bound from head to toe in silk rope, after we tackled her when the suggestion was taking her into what looked like dangerous magical mists.

******* Even if it seems kinky and ... c'mon, man, a bard's gotta bard!

[Anonymouswizard]

When the ambiguously evil lord says that the conflict shall be resolved by the party facing his champions in the "sport of kings," my default assumption should not be "Giant Robot Basket Ball"

I suspect it's not cricket either, and that makes me sad.

I was going to go for rugby, at which point the all-out war option might cost fewer lives.

[TeChameleon]

I was going to go for rugby, at which point the all-out war option might cost fewer lives.

And even beyond that, if it's lacrosse, you may as well just go for the weapons, because yeesh.

* If the party discovers that we have travelled back in time more than 20 years after encountering a massive, unstoppable invasion, and have been dropped in the country said invasion came from, I am to contain my glee at the thought of abusing time travel.

** My scarlet macaw aarakocra monk with next to no CHA should have a better method for blending into the hideously racist dragonborn empire than 'just walk in like you own the place'.

*** If the enemy has a functionally infinite supply of undead troops, that does not just make violence plan 'B'. Should probably move it down a few more notches than that.

**** When discussing the return of a previous character, him being immediately remembered (years later) as 'oh yeah, that creepy-*** assassin' maaaay not be a compliment. Still taking it as such, though

[PhoenixPhyre]

* Counterspell only has a somatic component: a solitary raised middle finger.
** the verbal component for fireball may include the phrase "Goodness gracious, great balls of fire", but only if cast by a bard.

[Rater202]

*I can't sing edgy anime theme songs that are vaguely appropriate to my character's backstory/internal conflict in character.
**Especially if I've never actually seen the anime in question.

[KorvinStarmast]

* May no longer suggest to the war mage that we step outside and cool off after he set fire to a building in a fit of pique.
** May no longer hire two dwarven lap dancers for the same mage when he gets drunk for the first time in his life.
*** May no longer laugh out loud as same war mage clumsily, and ineffectively, gets overly affectionate with the druid before passing out.
**** May of course unceremoniously dump him into his bed, but may no longer ask (wildfire) druid if she can prepare some ice-based spells for the war mage's hangover.

[motionmatrix]

* You are no longer allowed to play cannibal witches who poke children in the street to check how “marbled” they are.
** you are no longer allowed to play cannibals that care more about random animals and resurrects them over key npcs.
*** you are no longer allowed to cook key npcs, regardless of how tasty the stew might be.
**** you are no longer allowed to play crafting wizards called some variation of Tony Stark and encase yourself inside golems.
***** you are no longer allowed to play kender rogues and try to outsteal everyone and everything, especially jewelry and weapons from nobility who are currently wearing/carrying such items.

[KorvinStarmast]

* May no longer sacrifice the rogue to Strahd so that someone else can DM.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Inquisitors do not send cells of acolytes to fetch their coffee.

[Pauly]

* Inquisitors do not send cells of acolytes to fetch their coffee.

I think I could write an entire module around that concept.

[Lord Raziere]

* Stock markets are not a Tzeentch cult
** nor are casinos
*** neither of them are also Slaanesh cults
**** advertising/marketing is not a Tzeentch/Slaanesh cult

* May not try to improvise mystery plots
** may not try to plan mystery plots

* May not combine darksteel, a darksteel reactor, time magic and artifice from MTG and artifact crafting from Exalted to make a pseudo-infinity gauntlet by speeding up my adamant circle sorcery so I can do anything but resurrect and time travel

* May not become a goddess of WH40k Orks
** may not take on both Gork and Mork at the same time to establish dominance
*** may not teach orks the joys of anime
**** may not use Goku as a role model for orks to teach them to be better people
***** My first orky invention may not be "the Busta Choppa"

*May not constantly seduce Adepta Sororitas to my side
** or teach them to be my personal army of ninjas
*** or turn them into first circle demons to improve their combat ability

* Slaaneshi cultists may not set up random restaurants advertising things like "MORE than you can eat!!" and "ALL THE CONDIMENTS!!"
** they may not all be called "McSlaaneshi's"
*** they may not also sell drugs
**** when asked whats on their burger they may not answer with "EVERYTHING!"
***** There may not be a competing restaurant called Khorne's Steak House
****** Khorne's Steak House does not exclusively serve butchered meat from anything. or have fight pits.

[danielxcutter]

I mean Slaanesh is the Chaos God of excess among other things.

[Anonymouswizard]

I think I could write an entire module around that concept.

Oh, I'm currently brainstorming how to make it an Imperium Maledictum adventure. I'm trying to obfuscate it without going to the ridiculous extents of 'awareness elixir'...