Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

[Rockphed]

*The exisfemce of psi9nic fattoos is not proof fhat all psionicists are hipsters
**Nor does it indicate that psionics is a skill that you learn in jail

***Hipster prison is not a secret Psion if training facility.

[sithlordnergal]

* Just because a dead body is technically an Object and can therefore be considered an "Item", it does not mean you can make a Medium sized Body and 4 Small bodies via Performance of Creation and Creative Crescendo

** I am not allowed to cast Animate Objects on any bodies created in that way as pseudo-Undead

*** I am not allowed to use Animating Performance on one of the bodies after Animate Object ends

**** I am no longer allowed to play high level Creation Bards

[Tohron]

* Just because a dead body is technically an Object and can therefore be considered an "Item", it does not mean you can make a Medium sized Body and 4 Small bodies via Performance of Creation and Creative Crescendo

** I am not allowed to cast Animate Objects on any bodies created in that way as pseudo-Undead

*** I am not allowed to use Animating Performance on one of the bodies after Animate Object ends

**** I am no longer allowed to play high level Creation Bards

*****I may not play "Thriller" while doing any of the above.

[TeChameleon]

* When introducing my new Player Character to the group, having a bitter feud with the local leader/quest giver because "The old fool refuses to recognize my genius!" is not a way to reassure them of my character's competence. Or sanity.

** The fact that the sanity, at least by human standards, is very definitely questionable, does not help (gnomes, wheee!)

*** When it comes out that the reason that my character joined the group without a backwards glance to his thriving business is "What about this (gnomish) country makes you think my people have anything even vaguely resembling good impulse control?", it probably won't help.

[Rater202]

I can't have a plan to vivisect everyone I meet.

The tournament where people send their children to show off and attract attention as a substitute for war is not a "genetic shopping trip."

*I can't make plans to hunt down and devour the corpse of a god in order t become a deity myself.
**Even if the alternative is killing a planet.

[danielxcutter]

Okay, that last one? I can honestly think of worse when the alternative is an entire world dying.

[Rater202]

Okay, that last one? I can honestly think of worse when the alternative is an entire world dying.

The options are "I eat the dead god" or "I eat the planet," not "the planet will die if I don't eat the dead god."

[danielxcutter]

That does not actually contradict my statement.

[Rater202]

That does not actually contradict my statement.

There is no external threat justifying the descision.

[Bohandas]

Oh I think they may mean "the alternative way to become a deity..."

[thorr-kan]

The name of my next band.

Pronunciation: psi-NINE-nic FA-two

"One night only: psi9nic fattoo!"

You're right.

Yeah, it was like 3:00 in the morning when I tried to type that last post

No, no, your "typo" was obviously Destiny.

[TerrickTerran]

That vivisection rule would really crimp some character ideas I've had.

[Melayl]

*****I may not play "Thriller" while doing any of the above.

No no no. You *MUST* play Thriller while doing so!

[KorvinStarmast]

* May no longer forget to cast Death Ward on me and my flying mount.
** May no longer deliberately breed with a Drow noblewoman of exotic tastes with the excuse that 'they need fresh blood in their heritage' - no matter how many alternate timelines I have seen.
*** May no longer get a Drow oracle drunk on moonshine.
**** May no longer charge into the Slime king's body guards, leaving my party without my saving throw bonus. (Paladin)

[D&D_Fan]

* Top-Secret shadow organizations can absolutely get away with violating the Geneva conventions.
** Yeah they're evil, but nobody can stop them if nobody knows who they are.
*** That's kind of the reason why they are the bad guys.
**** When was the last time you saw the good guys use chemical weapons and commit arson, anyway?
***** This shouldn't be a hard question.

[PhoenixPhyre]

* May no longer forget to cast Death Ward on me and my flying mount.
** May no longer deliberately breed with a Drow noblewoman of exotic tastes with the excuse that 'they need fresh blood in their heritage' - no matter how many alternate timelines I have seen.
*** May no longer get a Drow oracle drunk on moonshine.
**** May no longer charge into the Slime king's body guards, leaving my party without my saving throw bonus. (Paladin)

*****May no longer chant "boing boing boing" at subliminal volumes to cause psychic distress among my players.

[Telok]

**** When was the last time you saw the good guys use chemical weapons and commit arson, anyway?
***** This shouldn't be a hard question.

Is it bad that I started counting on reading this and immedately trying to figure out a rate per campaign?

* Pseudo-exponentially spawning undead are not "good guy" type solutions.
** I should not have to remind the players of this every six months.

[Rater202]

I am not allowed to perform grotesque medical experiments on myself using the pilfered tissues of a variety of different people in order to bootstrap myself to some kind of Frankenstein godhood.

[Lord Raziere]

* If I want people to believe I'm a hero I should probably stop taking powers like "infect people with my cells to mind control them"
** or "the persona that does the utopia brainwashing"
*** or "become a lord of chaos with a queen of monsters as my companion"
**** or "the godbound words of theft, deception and murder"
***** or "become daedric prince of knowledge"

[Samayu]

I cannot make a customer lineage dragonborn who breathes slashing. Which means I can't get resistance to slashing damage that way.

[Telwar]

I cannot make a customer lineage dragonborn who breathes slashing. Which means I can't get resistance to slashing damage that way.

** I am not allowed to make a "Karen" dragonborn, that has to be an act, not an ancestry.
*** I certainly don't get to do bonus damage to minions that's minimized if there's a boss monster present.
*** Mostly because my GM doesn't want to always have boss monsters.
**** And I am not allowed to riff off of a clear mobile autocorrect entry. Or am I?

[KorvinStarmast]

** I am not allowed to make a "Karen" dragonborn, that has to be an act, not an ancestry.
*** I certainly don't get to do bonus damage to minions that's minimized if there's a boss monster present.
*** Mostly because my GM doesn't want to always have boss monsters.

You naughty person, I nearly spilled my drink! Well done.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My magick cannot literally be fueled by pointless arguments on the internet.
** Even if the rule system and setting metaphysics support it.

[danielxcutter]

Which one is that? Mage the Ascension?

[Anonymouswizard]

Which one is that? Mage the Ascension?

Nah, Unknown Armies. Haven't completed drafting out the school, but it's paradox is along the lines of 'a means of communication which fosters conflict'.

[danielxcutter]

Nah, Unknown Armies. Haven't completed drafting out the school, but it's paradox is along the lines of 'a means of communication which fosters conflict'.

Ah, the "you did it" game.

[Lord Raziere]

* May not postulate that Goku, Saitama and so on think of the joy of battle too narrowly
** May not further explain that there are actually at least Three Joys of Battle:
*** The First Joy of Battle is not defeating a weaker foe stylishly in an impractical manner to show off
**** The Second Joy Battle is not defeating an equal foe with pure force with adrenaline rushing through one's veins, the joy everyone focuses on
***** The Third Joy of Battle is not defeating a greater foe through cleverness and skill to counter their greater power.

[danielxcutter]

I mean, Saitama specifically wants the second one, and the third and possibly second one physically can't be a thing for him either.

[ReaderAt2046]

* Setting the building on fire is not the solution to every problem. Especially if I'm playing the paladin.
* If my paladin is the most ruthless character in the party, something has gone wrong somewhere.
* Before playing a werewolf, I will make sure that none of the existing PCs have "Hates Werewolves" as an Aspect.
* Destroying the moon was the correct course of action this time. It never will be again.

[Rockphed]

* If my paladin is the most ruthless character in the party, something has gone wrong somewhere.

At some point Terry Pratchett essentially said that if someone is trying to kill you, pray they are evil. Good people who decide you have to die will just kill you and get it over with where evil people will drag it out with torture and monologueing.

* No matter how evil they are, having the BBEG kill the players with their monologue is not fun.