Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

[TeChameleon]

* No matter how evil they are, having the BBEG kill the players with their monologue is not fun.

** Especially if the players die of boredom.

* No matter how objectively terrifying an eight-story dog would be, if it's an eight-story pomeranian, the general response is going to be 'cuuuuuute!'

** Or 'kill it with fire!' There doesn't seem to be any in-between.

[Pauly]

* No matter how evil they are, having the BBEG kill the players with their monologue is not fun.

** No matter how much they deserve it the GM is not actually allowed to kill the players. Characters on the other hand …

[Anonymouswizard]

At some point Terry Pratchett essentially said that if someone is trying to kill you, pray they are evil. Good people who decide you have to die will just kill you and get it over with where evil people will drag it out with torture and monologueing.

Eh, he's missing the other kinds of good and evil, mostly because Discworld is one step short of melodrama. It's entirely possible for an evil person to have no enjoyment of having others at their mercy, or for good people to drag it out with attempts at redemption. Vetinari is probably a good example of the former, he enjoys giving you a theatrical death but once you're at his mercy he doesn't hesitate. It all comes down to pragmatism, with Vimes and Vetinari showcasing the 'good' and 'evil' sides. Carrot meanwhile errs more towards an idealistic theatrical good, although with heavy hints that he might actually be as pragmatic as Vimes (notably he is the one in Men At Arms who just gets it over with) while the villains of Watch books trend towards theatrical evil.

[KorvinStarmast]

Eh, he's missing the other kinds of good and evil, mostly because Discworld is one step short of melodrama.

*golf clap*

[danielxcutter]

To be fair, that was from Vimes’ perspective.

Also Vetinari isn’t that bad of a man, honestly.

[Rater202]

I can't name characters Al Pocalypse, Reverend Elations, Gertie Dammerung, or Ray Gnarock.

[danielxcutter]

Okay, those unironically seem good names.

[dspeyer]

* Pokeballs are not a weapon of mass destruction
** "Rocks fall; everyone dies" is what DMs say when they're sick of a campaign, not what players say when they want to clear some territory of monsters.
*** The correct response to Earth being overrun with monsters is not to terraform Mars
**** I may not break the DM's mind with overpowered exploits before the campaign even begins.

[KorvinStarmast]

* I may no longer shove the drow priestess down the elevator shaft when the only person in the party who can speak undercommon wants to talk to her

Spoiler: No regrets

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... but darnit, I had that Shield Master bonus action and it felt good to hear the satisfying splat from 120' up.

** I may no longer render moot the DM's collection of aberrations (seven or eight of them, to include a few beauties from Volo's) by simply telling them to piss off!

Spoiler: Watcher's Will

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Yes, all seven failed their saving throw versus Abjure the Extraplanar, which I almost never get to use

*** I may no longer leave the following instructions for the catering crew at my PCs wedding: "Leave no guest un-hammered"

Spoiler: The Catering Crew?

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(The catering crew are a druid circle who make the best moonshine in the kingdom. You want us to pay taxes? Here, spiked growth, ya dadburned revenooers!

[Persolus]

* I may not turn myself in to guards running a "Death Run" to clear myself for a crime i didn't commit.

** I am supposed to run away from the dinosaurs in said Death Run, not towards them.

*** Maiming the T-Rex is very bad form.

Spoiler: Adventure Spoilers

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Tomb of Annihilation is fun >:)

[Notafish]

*If the druid has fallen in battle, we cannot try to use their body as a Magical Device after the fact to cast their unused spells.

**Not even if it's "what they would have wanted"

[Rater202]

My Bard needs to have more in their repertoire than Weird Al songs.

[Telok]

My Bard needs to have more in their repertoire than Weird Al songs.

My instant response was: "Weird Al or bagpipe speed metal polka. Choose your poison."

[tyckspoon]

My instant response was: "Weird Al or bagpipe speed metal polka. Choose your poison."

.. isn't that just more Weird Al tho?

[Persolus]

.. isn't that just more Weird Al tho?

Ah, but it's the illusion of free choice.

[KorvinStarmast]

Ah, but it's the illusion of free choice.

The dreaded Quantum Yankovic!

[Rater202]

The words "Lovecraftian" or "Geigeresque" should never be used to describe any aspect of my character.

[Mandark]

My Bard needs to have more in their repertoire than Weird Al songs.

No you don't.
There are songs that play at work that my brain auto-translates into Wierd Al that I don't actually know the real words to, even though they are playing over the air.

[Anonymouswizard]

No you don't.
There are songs that play at work that my brain auto-translates into Wierd Al that I don't actually know the real words to, even though they are playing over the air.

I wanna bowl with, the gangsters...

[animorte]

No you don't.
There are songs that play at work that my brain auto-translates into Wierd Al that I don't actually know the real words to, even though they are playing over the air.

I realized that I Weird Al everything I don't care for, or even things I actually like just because I'm in that mood.

[Telok]

The words "Lovecraftian" or "Geigeresque" should never be used to describe any aspect of my character.

Correct, they shouldn't describe any aspect of a character. They should describe every aspect of the character.

Probably no pictures tho.

Definite nope on larping that.

[KorvinStarmast]

Correct, they shouldn't describe any aspect of a character. They should describe every aspect of the character.

Probably no pictures tho.

I think that Lovecraft is to blame for Hentai.

[Anonymouswizard]

I think that Lovecraft is to blame for Hentai.

Hey now, not all Hentai is naughty tentacles! There's some where the schoolgirls date other monsters!

* If my villain's plan can be mistaken for the plot of a Hentai I'm to stop the game until I come up with something different.

[Lord Raziere]

* If the character sheet is 74 pages long, no one is ever going to read it

* If my character can legitimately consider long-running comic book characters weak in comparison to them, they're not allowed

* May not become a being devoted to copying, stealing, devouring and generally collecting powers, memories, appearances, items and so on just because I'm indecisive about my identity and want to try things out
** May not use my replication powers to make two duplications of a unique weapon to dual-wield against the person wielding the original

* May not create a "chicken pox" that actually turns people into chickens
** May not use it on the enemy army
*** May not enhance it to become a Cuccoo pox
**** May not defeat the leader of the enemy army with a swarm of cuccoos transformed from their own men

[KorvinStarmast]

* May not create a "chicken pox" that actually turns people into chickens
** May not use it on the enemy army
*** May not enhance it to become a Cuccoo pox
**** May not defeat the leader of the enemy army with a swarm of cuccoos transformed from their own men

But you may shout out "I'm Cuccoo for Cuccoo pox" while you battle them, right?

[Lord Raziere]

* The Numidium Vs the Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann will probably just result in the surrounding reality being destroyed by reality-breaking shenanigans
** Combining the Numidium and Spiral Power is just completely ridiculous

* May not use vast Jumper powers to create a race of lesbian monster girls loyal to me
** May not begin conquering worlds with them and offer people to become one of them with magic
*** May not offer healing to people that turns them more monster girl the more it heals them

* May not create an artificial universe just to test what happens when someone divides by zero in it

* Even if my Stand is to switch the places of subjects and objects, may not go around switching random things for comedic effect
** May not switch anyone's food with a bomb
*** Especially if it makes my enemies exclaim "YOUR FOOD JUST BECAME A BOMB! OOOOH NOOOOOOO!!!" Joseph Joestar style

* My options for empowering other people may not be "become an Exalt" "become a planeswalker" "become immortal" or "become mythical progenitor of a new species of your own creation"
** may not take options to become an anyone-absorbing, infinite clone replicating, supernatural disease creating, shapeshifting hivemind

[thorr-kan]

* If the character sheet is 74 pages long, no one is ever going to read it

"Old Man Henderson, is that YOU?!"

[tomandtish]

* No matter how objectively terrifying an eight-story dog would be, if it's an eight-story pomeranian, the general response is going to be 'cuuuuuute!'

** Or 'kill it with fire!' There doesn't seem to be any in-between.

Related: My DM told me I'm no longer allowed to use pomeranians as the material spell component for flaming sphere spells.

[Rater202]

Even if the rules allow it, I can't play as a Celestial or a Rogue Watcher in a Marvel Superheroes game.

[Lord Raziere]

Even if the rules allow it, I can't play as a Celestial or a Rogue Watcher in a Marvel Superheroes game.

* May not be someone with Rogue's powers plus some way of extending and multiplying limbs to grab as many people as possible

* May not go into superhero universes just to teach FMA Alchemy so people can make bread out of grass
** May not point out that FMA Alchemy is safer than most superhero powers, as its rules are known and easily followed, its abuses are easily identifiable and the worst things it can do require a lot of knowledge of how it works and very big transmutation circles to make work requiring centuries to properly set up.

* the mastermind behind everything may not be a dog from an alternate timeline