Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

[Bayar]

* Cannot use magic to create liquid deuterium

* Even if the DM IS my therapist, he won't give me a consultation during the game

* Cannot start The Portable Hole Quilt Club unless the club is inside the portable hole

* My dwarf is not a door to door obsidian salesman

* A kobold marshall with an army of kobold warriors is fine. A kobold marshall with an army of kobold miners is plausible. A kobold marshall with an army of kobold concubines trying to start a breeding program or genetic research is right out.

** For that matter, the draconic for kobold is not drosophila melanogaster

* Giving firearms to my undead is not allowed, even if Terraria did it

** Trying to bypass the last rule by only giving my intelligent undead firearms, while being more sensible, will only result in having to use said undead to fight a demilich dracolich piloting Mecha-Godzilla

*** Cannot use my undead as crew for anything larger than a jeep. An Aircraft Carrier is right out

[Bohandas]

* Giving firearms to my undead is not allowed, even if Terraria did it

Not to mention every movie involving either modern vampires and/or nazi zombies

undead as crew for anything larger than a jeep. An Aircraft Carrier is right out

I'm certain that I've heard of running a ship with a skeleton crew

[danielxcutter]

Guns are still pretty good in Vampire the Requiem. Think they're still useful in Masquerade too.

[KorvinStarmast]

* A kobold marshall with an army of kobold concubines trying to start a breeding program or genetic research is right out.

I am not sure I understand the problem here.

I'm certain that I've heard of running a ship with a skeleton crew

I've got one floating around in Salt Marsh that the party still has not run into ... yet.

[Telok]

*** Cannot use my undead as crew for anything larger than a jeep. An Aircraft Carrier is right out

Oh, yeah. I'm probably not allowed to infest the PC's spaceship plumbing & sewage lines with random plague zombies again. It was a big ship and they never did put any effort into an eradication progran, preferring to give the crew laser guns for going to the toilets.

[thorr-kan]

Related: My DM told me I'm no longer allowed to use pomeranians as the material spell component for flaming sphere spells.

Your DM is right. That's what chihuahuas are for.

Even if the rules allow it, I can't play as a Celestial or a Rogue Watcher in a Marvel Superheroes game.

Sounds like a DM needs to up their game...

[tomandtish]

Your DM is right. That's what chihuahuas are for.

Only if they are long hair. The long fur helps make the perfect sphere.

[Lord Raziere]

Just Exalted 3e Things:
* May not describe Solar Brawl as punching people like Goku, going Super Saiyan and firing a kamehameha
** May not describe Dragon-Blooded Brawl as being a Waterbender without the water yet still being just as effective
*** May not describe Lunar Brawl as like animal mauling you in a flexible adaptable way
**** May not describe Sidereal Brawl as someone embracing the violence with zero chill to force their foes into making hard decisions, making Sidereal Brawlers sound more terrifying and brutal than all of the above

[Rater202]

"Sherlock Holmes did it" is not an excuse or justification for faking a seizure to get out of a potentially dangerous conversation.

[Bohandas]

"Sherlock Holmes did it" is not an excuse or justification for faking a seizure to get out of a potentially dangerous conversation.

*or for doing hard drugs

[Telok]

Not allowed to refer to the party token human as "Mr. Bacon, our emergency long pig" anymore after we ended up trying to google recipies.

[Telwar]

* I am not allowed to suggest orog ranching as a means to equip the town guard with heavy armor
** Orogs do not "moult" their plate armor when they're teenagers into regular human-sized plate
*** Don't even think about other uses for the orogs
**** Even if orcs and orogs are more pig-like than humans, thus making "long pig" more reasonable.

[Bohandas]

*The Flying Guillotine is not a French trapeze performer

*Cubond is not "The Ed Gein Pokemon"
**Even if it does wear the skull of its mother

[danielxcutter]

*The Flying Guillotine is not a French trapeze performer

Do I want to know what it is then?

[Bohandas]

It's a kung-fu movie

[danielxcutter]

I see. Recently been watching clips from Kung Fu Hustle, is it comparable?

[Bohandas]

I see. Recently been watching clips from Kung Fu Hustle, is it comparable?

Flying Guillotine is much more serious in tone, despite being much sillier in concept (it's about guys who use a very implausible weapon that you throw onto people's heads and it cuts their heads off)

[Bayar]

I think Mythbusters tried to make a flying guillotine once.

[D&D_Fan]

* If you're flying a helicopter at a low altitude, while fighting terrorists, your chances of being hit by a rocket propelled grenade is nonzero.
** The fact that your character and his crew have survived multiple RPGs and subsequent helicopter crashes is concerning.

[danielxcutter]

If you're a WoD or CofD werewolf, not really.

[Bayar]

* Homebrewing land warforged be mostly male personality and aquatic warforged be mostly female is an interesting premise. Having the seaforged look like waifus from gacha games is not.

** Nor is having a seaforged pretend to be the ship's figurehead until we get into combat.

* If the game takes place only inside a city, it better not be a carbon copy of Stormwind.

* Regardless of the similarities, Danmachi is not Ptolus with the serial numbers filed off.

* Staying at the DM's house overnight is ok if he invites you. Staying up until 5 AM building decks with that other friend when you need to leave at 6 AM because you're afraid you won't be able to wake up on time is probably less so (to be fair, the DM's the only one who got any sleep that night)

* If we pause the game during combat for pizza, that doesn't mean the characters also stop to eat.

* While cool, cannot decorate my whole living room with creepy stuff for Call of Cthulhu games to the point the players start taking sanity damage.

** Not every glass has to have a skull motif, even if all of them were gifts and not bought for specifically for the previous rule.

[Rater202]

I can't name characters Al Pocalypse, Reverend Elations, Gertie Dammerung, or Ray Gnarock.

*Ray Gnarock is not a genetic chimera knitted together from the DNA of Mighty Thor and Apocalypse.
**He was not created and raised by a secret commune of superhumanly intelligent rednecks.
***The G had better be silent.

[Rockphed]

*Ray Gnarock is not a genetic chimera knitted together from the DNA of Mighty Thor and Apocalypse.

I thought "mighty thor" was the woman thor and Apocalypse a man, so wouldn't "child" be the better term than "genetic chimera"? I get that the likelihood of the two of them reproducing together is lower than Orsino Palpatine having a non creepy relationship. And that mixing genes is kinda Apocalypse's thing. X-Men is Weird.

* I cannot have a narwalman barbarian / war lock named Rage-narock.

[Rater202]

I thought "mighty thor" was the woman thor and Apocalypse a man, so wouldn't "child" be the better term than "genetic chimera"? I get that the likelihood of the two of them reproducing together is lower than Orsino Palpatine having a non creepy relationship. And that mixing genes is kinda Apocalypse's thing. X-Men is Weird.

* I cannot have a narwalman barbarian / war lock named Rage-narock.

1: Mighty Thor is just the editorial title used when referring to Marvel Thor, regardless of whether it's literally Thor Odinson or just someone wielding Mjolnir.

2: Genetic Chimera implies a certain artificialness to it.

3: All cards on the table, however, even with The Odinson, technically, given that Apocalypse can shapeshift at the molecular level and explicitly rewrite his DNA with this power it is theoretically possible that he and Thor could conceive a natural child. Several different Hells would have to freeze over, but it's theoretically possible.

[Fiery Diamond]

2: Genetic Chimera implies a certain artificialness to it.

Actually, "Genetic Chimera" is a real term, for a real phenomenon, and it has nothing to do with man-made genetic tampering. Wikipedia Entry

I mean, you could artificially create a genetic chimera (as the article states), but there's nothing about genetic chimerism that implies it.

[Rater202]

Actually, "Genetic Chimera" is a real term, for a real phenomenon, and it has nothing to do with man-made genetic tampering. Wikipedia Entry

I mean, you could artificially create a genetic chimera (as the article states), but there's nothing about genetic chimerism that implies it.

I know that... But I assumed that the context changing the meaning would be obvious. It was not, and assuming made an ass of me.

[Reltzik]

* Unless I as a player first get a WHOOOOOOOOLE lot of singing lessons, not allowed to role-play bardic performances.
** A similar ban now exists on instrumental performances.
*** Pre-recorded lute music of "It's A Small World" is not an acceptable substitute.
**** The DM doesn't know how I can pre-loot recorder music, doesn't want to know, and doesn't need to know. It's forbidden regardless.
***** Other banned songs include "99 bottles of beer", "Henry the VIIIth", "My Heart Will Go On", the Barney Song, "This Old Ma-"
****** No longer allowed to share details and RP samples like these about my backup character as a way of ensuring that my current character survives.
******* No longer allowed to build bard characters.

[animorte]

******* No longer allowed to build bard characters.

Well... That certainly escalated. I'm curious to know exactly how long it took to get from the first bullet ruling to the last.

Was going to say you can always fall back on beat poetry.

[Lord Raziere]

* If someone says my character would kill their own mother for a nickel, may not correct them by saying "Excuse me, it was for a dime"

* May not be a "Klyntar-Poison-Extrembiote Hybrid"
** Mostly because most people don't even know what those are

* May not copy everything about a person including their powers then just go around as them doing stupid things to make them look stupid.
** Such as randomly breaking out into unrelated songs that have nothing to do with the situation
*** or if they're rich donating large amounts of money to causes they claim to hate.
**** May not disguise myself as Lex Luthor then go around announcing "ME LOVE SUPERMAN MUCH, ME KISS KISS LOVETIME GO" to screw with him
***** or as Doctor Doom to say "I would like to admit that me talking in the third person is silly and that I'm just jealous that Susan Storm stole Reed Richards away from me. I'm actually incredibly tsundere-yandere about the whole thing"
****** Not sure how I'd go about humiliating The Joker, because I'm pretty sure he'd laugh at whatever attempt I do, but I still may not do it.

[Reltzik]

Well... That certainly escalated. I'm curious to know exactly how long it took to get from the first bullet ruling to the last.

Was going to say you can always fall back on beat poetry.

It's been a long time since this one happened, but I think it took somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 minutes?

We took a break in the game because the pizza had arrived. One player went to the door to collect it and pay the delivery guy, one player went to the kitchen to grab some plates and glasses and napkins (and stayed in there for a bit to chat with the guy who went to the door), one player took advantage of the break to hit the bathroom, the DM stayed at the table to (try to) make some notes about the session up to that point, and I pulled out my backup character sheet and started talking at the poor soul. The conversation went something like...

Me: "By the way, I've got this bard as backup in case my rogue dies."
DM: "Cool."
Me: "I'm thinking I'll actually role-play the bardic performances."
DM: "Yeah, okay, whatever, I'll take a look at it after-"
Me: "You know, something like-" *starts singing, quietly, so the other players can't hear*
DM: "NO. Not unless you take a million singing lessons first."
Me: "What if I played an instrument?"
DM: "Do you, the player, know how to play an instrument?"
Me: "If we chose to define knowing how to play as-"
DM: "Absolutely not."
Me: "Fine. What about pre-recorded music? I could probably find a lute rendition of It's A Small World..."

And I teased the DM like that for a few minutes until it became clear that it was all "don't kill my character" extortion and I got told not to do that. (Not actually serious extortion, we would make big shows of pulling crap like that as jokes with the goal of getting caught and called out on it as the punchlines.) When the other players came back to the table, the DM called for everyone's attention and officially announced (without any context provided to the rest of the group) that I was now banned from even creating a bard character ever again and if they ever so much as SAW me holding a character sheet with the word "Bard" written in the class entry they were under orders to pelt me with dice.