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  1. - Top - End - #121
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    * Cannot use magic to create liquid deuterium

    * Even if the DM IS my therapist, he won't give me a consultation during the game

    * Cannot start The Portable Hole Quilt Club unless the club is inside the portable hole

    * My dwarf is not a door to door obsidian salesman

    * A kobold marshall with an army of kobold warriors is fine. A kobold marshall with an army of kobold miners is plausible. A kobold marshall with an army of kobold concubines trying to start a breeding program or genetic research is right out.

    ** For that matter, the draconic for kobold is not drosophila melanogaster

    * Giving firearms to my undead is not allowed, even if Terraria did it

    ** Trying to bypass the last rule by only giving my intelligent undead firearms, while being more sensible, will only result in having to use said undead to fight a demilich dracolich piloting Mecha-Godzilla

    *** Cannot use my undead as crew for anything larger than a jeep. An Aircraft Carrier is right out
    **** Photobucket ; RIP avatars

  2. - Top - End - #122
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Bohandas's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bayar View Post
    * Giving firearms to my undead is not allowed, even if Terraria did it
    Not to mention every movie involving either modern vampires and/or nazi zombies


    Quote Originally Posted by Bayar View Post
    undead as crew for anything larger than a jeep. An Aircraft Carrier is right out
    I'm certain that I've heard of running a ship with a skeleton crew
    "If you want to understand biology don't think about vibrant throbbing gels and oozes, think about information technology" -Richard Dawkins

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  3. - Top - End - #123
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    danielxcutter's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Guns are still pretty good in Vampire the Requiem. Think they're still useful in Masquerade too.
    Cool elan Illithid Slayer by linkele.

    Editor/co-writer of Magicae Est Potestas, a crossover between Artemis Fowl and Undertale. Ao3 FanFiction.net DeviantArt
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    Quote Originally Posted by Squire Doodad View Post
    I could write a lengthy explanation, but honestly just what danielxcutter said.
    Extended sig here.

  4. - Top - End - #124
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bayar View Post
    * A kobold marshall with an army of kobold concubines trying to start a breeding program or genetic research is right out.
    I am not sure I understand the problem here.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bohandas View Post
    I'm certain that I've heard of running a ship with a skeleton crew
    I've got one floating around in Salt Marsh that the party still has not run into ... yet.
    Last edited by KorvinStarmast; 2023-02-13 at 08:38 AM.
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  5. - Top - End - #125
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bayar View Post
    *** Cannot use my undead as crew for anything larger than a jeep. An Aircraft Carrier is right out
    Oh, yeah. I'm probably not allowed to infest the PC's spaceship plumbing & sewage lines with random plague zombies again. It was a big ship and they never did put any effort into an eradication progran, preferring to give the crew laser guns for going to the toilets.

  6. - Top - End - #126
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by tomandtish View Post
    Related: My DM told me I'm no longer allowed to use pomeranians as the material spell component for flaming sphere spells.
    Your DM is right. That's what chihuahuas are for.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    Even if the rules allow it, I can't play as a Celestial or a Rogue Watcher in a Marvel Superheroes game.
    Sounds like a DM needs to up their game...
    I have a blog; come see what I've created: https://thewhiteminotaur.wordpress.com/
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  7. - Top - End - #127
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by thorr-kan View Post
    Your DM is right. That's what chihuahuas are for.
    Only if they are long hair. The long fur helps make the perfect sphere.
    "That's a horrible idea! What time?"

    T-Shirt given to me by a good friend.. "in fairness, I was unsupervised at the time".

  8. - Top - End - #128
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    Lord Raziere's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Just Exalted 3e Things:
    * May not describe Solar Brawl as punching people like Goku, going Super Saiyan and firing a kamehameha
    ** May not describe Dragon-Blooded Brawl as being a Waterbender without the water yet still being just as effective
    *** May not describe Lunar Brawl as like animal mauling you in a flexible adaptable way
    **** May not describe Sidereal Brawl as someone embracing the violence with zero chill to force their foes into making hard decisions, making Sidereal Brawlers sound more terrifying and brutal than all of the above
    I'm also on discord as "raziere".


  9. - Top - End - #129
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    Rater202's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    "Sherlock Holmes did it" is not an excuse or justification for faking a seizure to get out of a potentially dangerous conversation.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here. Homebrew Material Here Rater Reads the Hobbit and Dracula
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    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  10. - Top - End - #130
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Bohandas's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    "Sherlock Holmes did it" is not an excuse or justification for faking a seizure to get out of a potentially dangerous conversation.
    *or for doing hard drugs
    "If you want to understand biology don't think about vibrant throbbing gels and oozes, think about information technology" -Richard Dawkins

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  11. - Top - End - #131
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Not allowed to refer to the party token human as "Mr. Bacon, our emergency long pig" anymore after we ended up trying to google recipies.

  12. - Top - End - #132
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    * I am not allowed to suggest orog ranching as a means to equip the town guard with heavy armor
    ** Orogs do not "moult" their plate armor when they're teenagers into regular human-sized plate
    *** Don't even think about other uses for the orogs
    **** Even if orcs and orogs are more pig-like than humans, thus making "long pig" more reasonable.

  13. - Top - End - #133
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Bohandas's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    *The Flying Guillotine is not a French trapeze performer

    *Cubond is not "The Ed Gein Pokemon"
    **Even if it does wear the skull of its mother
    Last edited by Bohandas; 2023-02-15 at 02:19 AM.
    "If you want to understand biology don't think about vibrant throbbing gels and oozes, think about information technology" -Richard Dawkins

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  14. - Top - End - #134
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    danielxcutter's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bohandas View Post
    *The Flying Guillotine is not a French trapeze performer
    Do I want to know what it is then?
    Cool elan Illithid Slayer by linkele.

    Editor/co-writer of Magicae Est Potestas, a crossover between Artemis Fowl and Undertale. Ao3 FanFiction.net DeviantArt
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    Currently playing: Red Hand of Doom(campaign journal) Campaign still going on, but journal discontinued until further notice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Squire Doodad View Post
    I could write a lengthy explanation, but honestly just what danielxcutter said.
    Extended sig here.

  15. - Top - End - #135
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Bohandas's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    It's a kung-fu movie
    "If you want to understand biology don't think about vibrant throbbing gels and oozes, think about information technology" -Richard Dawkins

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  16. - Top - End - #136
    Titan in the Playground
     
    danielxcutter's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    I see. Recently been watching clips from Kung Fu Hustle, is it comparable?
    Cool elan Illithid Slayer by linkele.

    Editor/co-writer of Magicae Est Potestas, a crossover between Artemis Fowl and Undertale. Ao3 FanFiction.net DeviantArt
    We also have a TvTropes page!

    Currently playing: Red Hand of Doom(campaign journal) Campaign still going on, but journal discontinued until further notice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Squire Doodad View Post
    I could write a lengthy explanation, but honestly just what danielxcutter said.
    Extended sig here.

  17. - Top - End - #137
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Bohandas's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by danielxcutter View Post
    I see. Recently been watching clips from Kung Fu Hustle, is it comparable?
    Flying Guillotine is much more serious in tone, despite being much sillier in concept (it's about guys who use a very implausible weapon that you throw onto people's heads and it cuts their heads off)
    "If you want to understand biology don't think about vibrant throbbing gels and oozes, think about information technology" -Richard Dawkins

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  18. - Top - End - #138
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    I think Mythbusters tried to make a flying guillotine once.
    **** Photobucket ; RIP avatars

  19. - Top - End - #139
    Orc in the Playground
     
    D&D_Fan's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    * If you're flying a helicopter at a low altitude, while fighting terrorists, your chances of being hit by a rocket propelled grenade is nonzero.
    ** The fact that your character and his crew have survived multiple RPGs and subsequent helicopter crashes is concerning.

  20. - Top - End - #140
    Titan in the Playground
     
    danielxcutter's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    If you're a WoD or CofD werewolf, not really.
    Cool elan Illithid Slayer by linkele.

    Editor/co-writer of Magicae Est Potestas, a crossover between Artemis Fowl and Undertale. Ao3 FanFiction.net DeviantArt
    We also have a TvTropes page!

    Currently playing: Red Hand of Doom(campaign journal) Campaign still going on, but journal discontinued until further notice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Squire Doodad View Post
    I could write a lengthy explanation, but honestly just what danielxcutter said.
    Extended sig here.

  21. - Top - End - #141
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    * Homebrewing land warforged be mostly male personality and aquatic warforged be mostly female is an interesting premise. Having the seaforged look like waifus from gacha games is not.

    ** Nor is having a seaforged pretend to be the ship's figurehead until we get into combat.

    * If the game takes place only inside a city, it better not be a carbon copy of Stormwind.

    * Regardless of the similarities, Danmachi is not Ptolus with the serial numbers filed off.

    * Staying at the DM's house overnight is ok if he invites you. Staying up until 5 AM building decks with that other friend when you need to leave at 6 AM because you're afraid you won't be able to wake up on time is probably less so (to be fair, the DM's the only one who got any sleep that night)

    * If we pause the game during combat for pizza, that doesn't mean the characters also stop to eat.

    * While cool, cannot decorate my whole living room with creepy stuff for Call of Cthulhu games to the point the players start taking sanity damage.

    ** Not every glass has to have a skull motif, even if all of them were gifts and not bought for specifically for the previous rule.
    **** Photobucket ; RIP avatars

  22. - Top - End - #142
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    Rater202's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    I can't name characters Al Pocalypse, Reverend Elations, Gertie Dammerung, or Ray Gnarock.
    *Ray Gnarock is not a genetic chimera knitted together from the DNA of Mighty Thor and Apocalypse.
    **He was not created and raised by a secret commune of superhumanly intelligent rednecks.
    ***The G had better be silent.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here. Homebrew Material Here Rater Reads the Hobbit and Dracula
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    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  23. - Top - End - #143
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Rockphed's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    *Ray Gnarock is not a genetic chimera knitted together from the DNA of Mighty Thor and Apocalypse.
    I thought "mighty thor" was the woman thor and Apocalypse a man, so wouldn't "child" be the better term than "genetic chimera"? I get that the likelihood of the two of them reproducing together is lower than Orsino Palpatine having a non creepy relationship. And that mixing genes is kinda Apocalypse's thing. X-Men is Weird.

    * I cannot have a narwalman barbarian / war lock named Rage-narock.
    Quote Originally Posted by Wardog View Post
    Rockphed said it well.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sam Starfall
    When your pants are full of crickets, you don't need mnemonics.
    Dragontar by Serpentine.

    Now offering unsolicited advice.

  24. - Top - End - #144
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    Rater202's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rockphed View Post
    I thought "mighty thor" was the woman thor and Apocalypse a man, so wouldn't "child" be the better term than "genetic chimera"? I get that the likelihood of the two of them reproducing together is lower than Orsino Palpatine having a non creepy relationship. And that mixing genes is kinda Apocalypse's thing. X-Men is Weird.

    * I cannot have a narwalman barbarian / war lock named Rage-narock.
    1: Mighty Thor is just the editorial title used when referring to Marvel Thor, regardless of whether it's literally Thor Odinson or just someone wielding Mjolnir.

    2: Genetic Chimera implies a certain artificialness to it.

    3: All cards on the table, however, even with The Odinson, technically, given that Apocalypse can shapeshift at the molecular level and explicitly rewrite his DNA with this power it is theoretically possible that he and Thor could conceive a natural child. Several different Hells would have to freeze over, but it's theoretically possible.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here. Homebrew Material Here Rater Reads the Hobbit and Dracula
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    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  25. - Top - End - #145
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Fiery Diamond's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    2: Genetic Chimera implies a certain artificialness to it.
    Actually, "Genetic Chimera" is a real term, for a real phenomenon, and it has nothing to do with man-made genetic tampering. Wikipedia Entry

    I mean, you could artificially create a genetic chimera (as the article states), but there's nothing about genetic chimerism that implies it.
    Last edited by Fiery Diamond; 2023-02-19 at 09:44 AM.

  26. - Top - End - #146
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    Rater202's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fiery Diamond View Post
    Actually, "Genetic Chimera" is a real term, for a real phenomenon, and it has nothing to do with man-made genetic tampering. Wikipedia Entry

    I mean, you could artificially create a genetic chimera (as the article states), but there's nothing about genetic chimerism that implies it.
    I know that... But I assumed that the context changing the meaning would be obvious. It was not, and assuming made an ass of me.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here. Homebrew Material Here Rater Reads the Hobbit and Dracula
    Awesome Avatar by Emperor Ing
    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  27. - Top - End - #147
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    * Unless I as a player first get a WHOOOOOOOOLE lot of singing lessons, not allowed to role-play bardic performances.
    ** A similar ban now exists on instrumental performances.
    *** Pre-recorded lute music of "It's A Small World" is not an acceptable substitute.
    **** The DM doesn't know how I can pre-loot recorder music, doesn't want to know, and doesn't need to know. It's forbidden regardless.
    ***** Other banned songs include "99 bottles of beer", "Henry the VIIIth", "My Heart Will Go On", the Barney Song, "This Old Ma-"
    ****** No longer allowed to share details and RP samples like these about my backup character as a way of ensuring that my current character survives.
    ******* No longer allowed to build bard characters.
    I'm not an evil GM! Honest!

  28. - Top - End - #148
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reltzik View Post
    ******* No longer allowed to build bard characters.
    Well... That certainly escalated. I'm curious to know exactly how long it took to get from the first bullet ruling to the last.

    Was going to say you can always fall back on beat poetry.
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  29. - Top - End - #149
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    Lord Raziere's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    * If someone says my character would kill their own mother for a nickel, may not correct them by saying "Excuse me, it was for a dime"

    * May not be a "Klyntar-Poison-Extrembiote Hybrid"
    ** Mostly because most people don't even know what those are

    * May not copy everything about a person including their powers then just go around as them doing stupid things to make them look stupid.
    ** Such as randomly breaking out into unrelated songs that have nothing to do with the situation
    *** or if they're rich donating large amounts of money to causes they claim to hate.
    **** May not disguise myself as Lex Luthor then go around announcing "ME LOVE SUPERMAN MUCH, ME KISS KISS LOVETIME GO" to screw with him
    ***** or as Doctor Doom to say "I would like to admit that me talking in the third person is silly and that I'm just jealous that Susan Storm stole Reed Richards away from me. I'm actually incredibly tsundere-yandere about the whole thing"
    ****** Not sure how I'd go about humiliating The Joker, because I'm pretty sure he'd laugh at whatever attempt I do, but I still may not do it.
    I'm also on discord as "raziere".


  30. - Top - End - #150
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

    Quote Originally Posted by animorte View Post
    Well... That certainly escalated. I'm curious to know exactly how long it took to get from the first bullet ruling to the last.

    Was going to say you can always fall back on beat poetry.
    It's been a long time since this one happened, but I think it took somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 minutes?

    We took a break in the game because the pizza had arrived. One player went to the door to collect it and pay the delivery guy, one player went to the kitchen to grab some plates and glasses and napkins (and stayed in there for a bit to chat with the guy who went to the door), one player took advantage of the break to hit the bathroom, the DM stayed at the table to (try to) make some notes about the session up to that point, and I pulled out my backup character sheet and started talking at the poor soul. The conversation went something like...

    Me: "By the way, I've got this bard as backup in case my rogue dies."
    DM: "Cool."
    Me: "I'm thinking I'll actually role-play the bardic performances."
    DM: "Yeah, okay, whatever, I'll take a look at it after-"
    Me: "You know, something like-" *starts singing, quietly, so the other players can't hear*
    DM: "NO. Not unless you take a million singing lessons first."
    Me: "What if I played an instrument?"
    DM: "Do you, the player, know how to play an instrument?"
    Me: "If we chose to define knowing how to play as-"
    DM: "Absolutely not."
    Me: "Fine. What about pre-recorded music? I could probably find a lute rendition of It's A Small World..."

    And I teased the DM like that for a few minutes until it became clear that it was all "don't kill my character" extortion and I got told not to do that. (Not actually serious extortion, we would make big shows of pulling crap like that as jokes with the goal of getting caught and called out on it as the punchlines.) When the other players came back to the table, the DM called for everyone's attention and officially announced (without any context provided to the rest of the group) that I was now banned from even creating a bard character ever again and if they ever so much as SAW me holding a character sheet with the word "Bard" written in the class entry they were under orders to pelt me with dice.
    Last edited by Reltzik; 2023-02-22 at 03:42 AM.
    I'm not an evil GM! Honest!

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