Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

[Bohandas]

I cannot make my villains thinly veiled references to current politicians.
* I cannot make my villains a mashup of current politicians.
** My villain's plan cannot be to merge all the politicians into a single person.

***and certainly not by making them into a human centipede

[KorvinStarmast]

* May not try to talk the rest of a party into buying a house in Barovia - Death House - on the basis that it's a fixer upper.
** May not try to induce the Barbarian into Real Estate Rage when the house implodes after our first walk through ...

[Bohandas]

*"Hufflepuff" is not slang for weed

[Lord Raziere]

* My Dragon-Blooded does not possess a necklace proclaiming themselves to be "$THE IMMACULATE DRAGON OF BLING$" in white jade.

* Chejop Kejak does not proclaim "Kill them all its the only way" every time Solar Exalted are mentioned

* The first thought of every Exalted is not to go find some random ruins and pick up cool artifacts that are conveniently exactly what they want.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Exterminatus is a privilege, not a right.
** Even for Inquisitors.

[animorte]

* Exterminatus is a privilege, not a right.
** Even for Inquisitors.

***But for the Daleks, it is a requirement.

[Anonymouswizard]

***But for the Daleks, it is a requirement.

I believe they call it 'Skaroforming'.

[Tohron]

* My Dragon-Blooded does not possess a necklace proclaiming themselves to be "$THE IMMACULATE DRAGON OF BLING$" in white jade.

** I may not play a dragon that wears their entire hoard as bling.

[Rater202]

I may not spend all my time scheming on ways to steal famous corpses.

[Telok]

No longer allowed any miscommunications that result in "armor nipples" appearing on the equipment lists.

[Anonymouswizard]

No longer allowed any miscommunications that result in "armor nipples" appearing on the equipment lists.

But how else will I play Batman!?

[danielxcutter]

** I may not play a dragon that wears their entire hoard as bling.

There actually was a Korean fantasy novel called Shadow Eraser with a dragon like that. He's a contrarian.

I may not spend all my time scheming on ways to steal famous corpses.

I mean, there is that Promethean merit that represents the corpse (or one of them) used to make you being a famous person so...

[Bohandas]

*Church's Chicken does not ward off vampires

No longer allowed any miscommunications that result in "armor nipples" appearing on the equipment lists.

for some reason I misread that as "razor nipples"

[danielxcutter]

*Church's Chicken does not ward off vampires

...is that a thing in the States?

for some reason I misread that as "razor nipples"

That's probably a Dark Eldar thing.

[Rockphed]

*Church's Chicken does not ward off vampires

* neither does Popeye's.
** Chick-fil-A might, but you have to be a cow with poor spelling.
*** KFC will only ward off vampires who are on a diet.
**** ... And have willpower to resist breaking their diet.
***** pulling out a Long John Silvers bag full of the fry crumbs and dumping it on a table might make a vampire compulsively count them. Or they might just eat them.
****** Dominos pizza will get you a mercy death from most vampires.

[Bohandas]

...is that a thing in the States?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church's_Texas_Chicken

[Rater202]

My character's campaign goal needs to be more ambitious than "gain eternal youth and become rich enough to live in leisure indefinitely."

[danielxcutter]

My character's campaign goal needs to be more ambitious than "gain eternal youth and become rich enough to live in leisure indefinitely."

That unironically sounds like a fairly good one.

[Rater202]

*I cannot create a clone of The Doctor that lacks higher brain functions and farm it for regeneration energy in order to revitalize myself.
**The GM doesn't want to hear my explanation for why I only need the one.
***Apparently I hallucinated Timeless Child.

[Anonymouswizard]

*I cannot create a clone of The Doctor that lacks higher brain functions and farm it for regeneration energy in order to revitalize myself.
**The GM doesn't want to hear my explanation for why I only need the one.
***Apparently I hallucinated Timeless Child.

The Timeless What now?

[danielxcutter]

The Timeless What now?

I think you just proved their point.

[TeChameleon]

* I may no longer one-shot an Ancient Green Dragon with a non-combat spell.

* I may no longer sink significant resources into some experimental gnome-tech 'warheads' (mounted on ballista bolts) and proceed to miss every single shot. Somebody downrange had either a very, very bad day or a fairly surreal one.

* I may no longer get off the plot rails by accelerating the plot so hard that it jumps the track on its own.

[Pauly]

* I may no longer one-shot an Ancient Green Dragon with a non-combat spell.

.

Sounds impressive. What did you do?

[Bohandas]

***Apparently I hallucinated Timeless Child.

are you sure you're not thinking of the Nightmare Child?

[Lord Raziere]

The Timeless What now?

Timeless Child, google is your friend

* May not invent to a martial art attack to make everyone realize "let me google that for you" exists with a punch
** may not go around doing that to every person that asks a question I don't have the answer to
*** May not consider it worth it when I'm arrested for punching people because I'll at least I'll make the world more educated in the process.

[Anonymouswizard]

Timeless Child, google is your friend

The Timeless What now?

[Lord Raziere]

The Timeless What now?

I'm assuming this is some in-joke about the thirteenth doctor and how everyone doesn't like that run, so I'm just going to say I don't get it and move on.

* May not make a ki using martial artist who only fires ki blasts with finger gun blasts like a wild west gunslinger
** supernatural martial artists do not have finger gun showdowns at high noon
*** Sidereals especially do not settle fate disputes with finger gun showdowns at high noon

[Rater202]

*When the GM proposes an ExvsWoD game about a group of Exalts on a road trip around the country investigating hauntings and monster sitings, the players are not to conspire to each make a different member of Mystery Inc and see how long it takes the GM to notice.
**No matter how much I want to say "Rooby-Roo!" in the voice I affect for my wolf-totem's War Form when they realize.
***While Fred could plausibly be represented by a Zenith Caste, Velma by a Twilight, and Daphne by a Chosen of Serenity, Shaggy is not a Dawn Cast.
****No number of clips from Phantosaur will convince the GM otherwise.

[TeChameleon]

Sounds impressive. What did you do?

It may be a bit less impressive than it sounds, as it was mostly an excercise in catgirl-killing. The level 12 party was on an airship being pursued by four ancient green dragons (hello, plot railroad... admittedly sorta-kinda at the request of some of the players, who wanted to do a shipwreck scenario).

So, fairly high-speed chase scenario (at least as far as D&D goes).

My gnomish wizard/rogue skillmonkey had Force Ladder prepared in case of aerial combat. Waited until one of the dragons had their mouth open, then cast it as far down the dragon's throat as the DM would allow, pinning it to the sky like a butterfly to a corkboard.

At that point the DM apparently decided that most of your internal organs rupturing simultaneously (immovable ladder inserted down your throat at ~50mph) didn't allow for a whole lot of saving throws, and declared the dragon either dead or unconscious and quickly left behind, out of the fight.

[Hellpyre]

It may be a bit less impressive than it sounds, as it was mostly an excercise in catgirl-killing.

That reminds me of a fun one

*May not use wind wall and an explosive potion to form an impromptu breaching charge
**May definitely not them proceed to sweep rooms with fireball while we advance room-by-room
***The paladin should most definitely not be advocating to kill them all and let the gods sort them out.