Edgelords

[Unoriginal]

Why is a card better than just saying something?

It's not better in an objective, it-will-always-work-for-everyone way, but some people find it easier to have a "alright, we're stopping" button.

And sometime it's just the fact of having everyone at the table agree to one before anything arise that makes the person prefer it.

There's all kind of folks out there, different things fit different people.

[Segev]

Because sometimes people don't feel comfortable talking out loud about what is bothering to them.

How does it being a card help, then?

The card is no different than, "Hey, guys, I'd like to stop this right now; it is making me uncomfortable in the extreme."

In both cases, a natural and necessary follow up is: "What do we need to stop, so we can avoid it in the future?" which brings us back to needing to talk about what bothers them.

Or is the "X Card" supposed to stop the entire session, and end the game permanently, so that nothing that might have been involved in it which might be the unspecified thing that's bothering the player who submits it can come up in that game again, because it's over? I doubt that, but I'm not sure how else you "play the X card" without having to talk about why you played it, at least to the point of saying, "I am playing it on [topic]; we should avoid [topic] at all costs in the future."

[Anymage]

I have a feeling that "the X card" is being referred to metaphorically more often than literally. An explicit rule telling people that they can and should speak up if they're being made uncomfortable (and conversely, keep an eye our for other players showing signs or discomfort so they can back off) is a good thing, because I've heard horror stories where new and/or shy players weren't aware that was an option.

A literal, physical card could make sense for times when it's hard for a player to get a word in edgewise due to other players being bulldozers. That sounds more like a table specific concession to me, though.

[Dr.Samurai]

How does it being a card help, then?

More and more we live in a society that would rather enable someone to remain as they are than overcome the things that they are struggling with.

So instead of working through why it's difficult to verbalize their thoughts or feelings with a group of friends, they're given a workaround that keeps them being apart and different from everyone else.

I'm sure I'll catch flak for saying as much but it's not really helpful to enable someone that feels uncomfortable speaking to... not have to speak. Throwing up a card to stop the flow of the game without talking about it can breed resentment, since it's a power move (ironically). But, anyways, my two cents.

[Segev]

A literal, physical card could make sense for times when it's hard for a player to get a word in edgewise due to other players being bulldozers. That sounds more like a table specific concession to me, though.

Okay, yes, I could see the value, there.

[Mastikator]

More and more we live in a society that would rather enable someone to remain as they are than overcome the things that they are struggling with.

So instead of working through why it's difficult to verbalize their thoughts or feelings with a group of friends, they're given a workaround that keeps them being apart and different from everyone else.

I'm sure I'll catch flak for saying as much but it's not really helpful to enable someone that feels uncomfortable speaking to... not have to speak. Throwing up a card to stop the flow of the game without talking about it can breed resentment, since it's a power move (ironically). But, anyways, my two cents.

On the flip side, I'm a DM, not a therapist, my D&D game is not your therapy session and I have no obligation to work through a damn thing. Just tell me what your no-no's are and I can steer clear of that. And if your no-no's prevent me from DMing the kind of game I want to DM I'd rather find a new player than fix their brain. (also goes for playstyles like if players that only want to be murderhobos and I want to do cloak and dagger game, as a DM I can dictate what kind of game it is, and who gets to play)

[Gryndle]

Why is a card better than just saying something?

because if simple communication was consistently effective in emotionally charged situations, there would never be conflict.

People often respond to symbolism better in emotionally charged situations than they do to calmly spoken words.

I would much rather someone throw a card on the table in a game instead of throwing a tantrum

[Unoriginal]

The card is no different than, "Hey, guys, I'd like to stop this right now; it is making me uncomfortable in the extreme."

It's not different for you, Segev. It is different for other people.



Having a "we stop now" button can help people when the other persons are too deep into the scene and aren't realizing how they're hurting said people, and it can help people when *they* themselves are too deep into the scene and need a clean break.

[J-H]

My thread for adventurer concepts sure wandered afield!

I think if you have emotionally mature adults at the table, it's not a problem to say "Hey, can we not?" It may be different with teenagers who haven't learned to handle emotions or talking yet, but it would also be irresponsible to take a game past a PG-13 direction with that age group anyway.

Most of the horror stories out there ("DM had my character violated in a cutscene," etc.) seem to involve playing with total strangers. In those cases, a card or whatever isn't going to help because a group of randos is probably not going to follow the same process that the person with the card wants to bring to the table. A blunt "Dude, can we not?" is more likely to be effective because it promotes a discussion instead of shutting things down.

The people who lack that sense of appropriateness/etiquette/responsibility/taste enough to bring up what we could probably call R-rated topics at the table are probably the same ones who need things explained to them, with words, in a direct and clear fashion for them to understand it.

The whole discussion is a bit foreign to me, as I run my games generally PG, including a "please don't use foul language at my table" rule. I'm not likely to ever run anything with content that anyone would object to or whatever.

[Greywander]

More and more we live in a society that would rather enable someone to remain as they are than overcome the things that they are struggling with.

So instead of working through why it's difficult to verbalize their thoughts or feelings with a group of friends, they're given a workaround that keeps them being apart and different from everyone else.

I'm sure I'll catch flak for saying as much but it's not really helpful to enable someone that feels uncomfortable speaking to... not have to speak. Throwing up a card to stop the flow of the game without talking about it can breed resentment, since it's a power move (ironically). But, anyways, my two cents.

Agreed. If they're not comfortable vocalizing their discomfort then that's an issue that goes far beyond the D&D table. Such a card might make it a little easier for them in the short term but it isn't applicable away from the table. TTRPGs should be a low stakes environment where they can learn those sorts of skills with much less risk than a real world situation. Taking that away by offering an easy way out does a disservice to that person.

As for edgelord characters, one concept I came up with a while back that I thought was pretty funny was an angsty lycanthrope who won't shut up about how he's a danger to those around him and how much blood he has on his hands. The first time the party would witness his transformation, he would beg them to stop him from hurting anyone, killing him if necessary.

He would then turn into a very confused golden retriever.

Not sure how you'd build that, though.

[RogueJK]

Not sure how you'd build that, though.

Shifter Monk. Probably Longtooth Shifter, for the dog bite.

When they shift, rather than turning into a hybrid humanoid with some animalistic features like the typical Shifter, they instead turn fully into a dog. (Then just flavor it like they can only communicate Lassie-style while Shifted, even though Shifters usually don't lose the ability to speak while shifted.)

But because they're a Monk, they don't need weapons, armor, or equipment to remain combat viable, even while in dog form.

[Dualight]

That concept sounds like an NPC through and through. Commoner and Cat(but size= Small) stat blocks should be enough, they are delusional, not dangerous, so there is no need for them to possess any combat strength.

[Segev]

Rather than a golden retriever, might I suggest a chihuahua?

[Ionathus]

I will never need an "X-card" at a tabletop gaming session with friends, for many reasons. I know my friends, I know myself, I know that I'm comfortable speaking up when something is bothering me. It is not the only way to play by far. But it can be helpful to have for people who aren't like me (or Segev, or most of us).

There are lots of non-assertive quiet people, and they should feel comfortable and safe at a gaming table. Same goes for neuro-divergent people, or people with specific, powerful traumas. Not everyone is capable of articulating their discomfort in a coherent manner when they are in the middle of experiencing that discomfort, and it's not going to break the freaking hobby to make minor accommodations for those people when needed.

An "X-card", or "stop card" or whatever you want to call it, isn't some Exodia power move used to bring the session to a screeching halt. I think it's unfair to frame the experience as "card is played, everyone stops, nobody talks about it ever again, the player who played the card 'wins' their little ego trip." Obviously the table would talk about it, once the player in question feels ready to do so. Obviously the card is offered as an option and then played in good faith, at a table that understands why they need it.

It isn't a replacement for a good DM, a good table dynamic, a session 0, or talking openly and honestly about the play experience before and after a tough session. It is simply a different way to achieve the same ends for people who need a slightly alternative solution - like including a handicap-accessible elevator, or closed-captioning. But even less so, because it costs the table nothing to offer as an option.

And as a side note, I think it's terribly rude to speculate on someone's mental health, maturity, sportsmanship, or eligibility for playing D&D based on their preferred method of tapping the roleplay brakes. Unless someone here is a licensed psychologist, it's not our place to psychoanalyze and judge someone for not always knowing how to shout down their excited extrovert friends in the middle of an intense scene. This hobby is already gatekept to hell and back at every opportunity, we don't need another reason to do so.

[Cygnia]

One of my GMs works conventions and uses the X-card at his games because of what Ioanthus says -- he doesn't know other people's experiences or mental health issues, but he will be accomodating to everyone at his tables.

[truemane]

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