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    Default Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Welcome, one and all to the latest edition of the Random Banter thread, where we talk about things that don't deserve their own thread but we still want to inflict on the eyeballs of our fellow forumites!

    Spoiler: Ye Olde Reules
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    1. Spam. For RB, one-word posts are generally considered spam. Likewise, posts that are nothing but *actions like this* are also be considered spam. Remember that the quality of the post's content is much better than the speed of your response.
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    Spoiler: Ye Olde Former Threds
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    Last edited by Fyraltari; 2023-09-29 at 04:37 AM.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    You only think that because Americans drive for anything over ten metres!

    Also 'had'? It's still daytime in the British Empire.
    Another fine example of context - the Brits think they still have an empire.
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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    Another fine example of context - the Brits think they still have an empire.
    Meanwhile America thinks they aren't an empire

    (I might be misremembering, but I think the way the US government is split between state and federal makes it technically fit the definition.)
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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Meanwhile America thinks they aren't an empire

    (I might be misremembering, but I think the way the US government is split between state and federal makes it technically fit the definition.)
    I went and checked, and I think the fact that we lack a supreme authority (ie an emperor) disqualifies us.
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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Revised Plan for killing Jason Vorhees since it's almost spooky season and I have literally nothing else to post to keep track of thread.

    1: Lure him into ambush.

    2: Hidden snipers equipped with dart guns pump him full of elephant tranquilizers. Assuming that Thunder Cave and/or my seventh-grade English teacher didn't lie to me, enough of that to knock out an elephant is a death sentence for a normal human so a few dozen doses should suffice for Jason.

    Optional plan 2B, have one of his blood relatives stab him in the heart in order to banish his soul to hell. This may require digging his physical body out of the earth afterward, JGTH was a weird movie.

    3: Once he's unconscious, dead, or otherwise no longer moving, wrap his body in heavy chins and then place his body in a water-tight steel container and fill it up with gasoline around him. Gasoline causes irritation on skin contact or when ingested and ingestion of large quantities of it can lead to coma or death so it should keep him dead if he's dead and it should finish him off if he's merely drugged unsconscious. Also, the fact that gasoline is flammable means that he should burn up slightly faster than he otherwise would have when we move to the body disposal stage and we want to be pretty thorough when we get to that part since every method of ressurection he'd demonstrated, even the time Freddy Krueger helped him escape from Hell, was dependant on his physical body existing in some form.

    4: As with the previous plan, Camp Crystal Lake, his shrine to his mother, and his shack are all destroyed via burning. Dismantle everything, coat everything in accelerants, put it all up in a big pile and ignite it with a termite charge. Have various Holy men come in to bless or consecrate the grounds just in case. Repeat the process with the old Vorhees house and especially make sure to put the copy of the Necronomicon they have there for some reason to the torch.

    5: Once that is taken care of, carefully retrieve Jason's body, including his mask and machete, from the sealed container of gasoline and pack it in exotic thermite as in the original plan, place the container in blast furnace s original plan, just leave the damn thing running until it runs out of fuel. Meanwhile, dump out the container of gasoline, burn it all off, and clean out the container multiple times with different products and solvents to remove all traces of Jason residue.

    6: As in the original plan, the products of the thermite reaction as well as any ashes or other remains will be dissolved with a strong solvent which will then be diluted in holy water, then regular water. Meanwhile, the blast furnace will be scrubbed clean for the same reasons as the container.

    7: The solution of Jason's dissolved remains will be boiled to hell and back to reduce it to a reasonable volume and to try and kill off any cells that have somehow survived this entire process.

    8: Since it's not plausible that he can just have it shot into the sun, the distilled essence of cremated Jason will be sealed in concrete and buried an undisclosed location that will be consecrated while funerary rites are performed. For added security, several endangered species of plant will be planted above and around their final resting place to limit the chances of it being disturbed.

    Advantages over previous plan: simplifies the act of killing him and storing his body before disposal, reduces need for cleanup of initial incapacitation/killing, reduces risk of causing a forest fire. ODing on elephant tranquilizer is probably a more merciful way to go than being riddled with bullets and blown to pieces.
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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Step 9: Jason pulls some hitherto unseen new power out of the ashy equivalent of his butthole and becomes a sentient killer ash cloud for one movie before returning to the status quo.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Rynjin View Post
    Step 9: Jason pulls some hitherto unseen new power out of the ashy equivalent of his butthole and becomes a sentient killer ash cloud for one movie before returning to the status quo.
    I mean, burning up on atmospheric reentry seems to have killed him for good bring some novels of dubious canonicity and IIRC those were clones.

    The burning of all the places he could haunt and the consecration and funeral rites are mostly just cover bases—he shares film continuity with Freddy Krueger, a vengeful spirit and can be forced into dormancy by giving his body proper funerary rights and in a comic book crossed over with Evil Dead so better safe than sorry.
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Rater, where this you get these theories from anyway?
    It's time to get my Magikarp on!

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    Rater, where this you get these theories from anyway?
    A combination of too much time on my hands and autism brain.
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    I mean, burning up on atmospheric reentry seems to have killed him for good bring some novels of dubious canonicity and IIRC those were clones.

    The burning of all the places he could haunt and the consecration and funeral rites are mostly just cover bases—he shares film continuity with Freddy Krueger, a vengeful spirit and can be forced into dormancy by giving his body proper funerary rights and in a comic book crossed over with Evil Dead so better safe than sorry.
    Look, I dunno what to tell ya. He comes back next movie, and you're killed in the opening credits sequence.

    Sorry, I don't make the rules.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Keltest View Post
    I went and checked, and I think the fact that we lack a supreme authority (ie an emperor) disqualifies us.
    Arf, if only you had someone who would preside over all this land!

    Edit: joking aside, the U.S.'s better qualification as an Empire isn't its subdivision into states, but it's hegemonic psotion relative to many, many other countries.
    Last edited by Fyraltari; 2023-09-28 at 12:01 PM.
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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Rynjin View Post
    Look, I dunno what to tell ya. He comes back next movie, and you're killed in the opening credits sequence.

    Sorry, I don't make the rules.
    I'm from the Scream generation, ****ing with the rules is our bread and butter.
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    Revised Plan for killing Jason Vorhees since it's almost spooky season and I have literally nothing else to post to keep track of thread.

    1: Lure him into ambush.

    2: Hidden snipers equipped with dart guns pump him full of elephant tranquilizers. Assuming that Thunder Cave and/or my seventh-grade English teacher didn't lie to me, enough of that to knock out an elephant is a death sentence for a normal human so a few dozen doses should suffice for Jason.
    Your plan for defeating an undead monster starts with them having a functionning cardiovascular system?
    Last edited by Fyraltari; 2023-09-28 at 12:10 PM.
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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    A combination of too much time on my hands and autism brain.
    A fatal combination. Next thing you know you'll be writing fanfiction that ships Futaba with the Venom symbiote.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fyraltari View Post
    Arf, if only you had someone who would preside over all this land!

    Edit: joking aside, the U.S.'s better qualification as an Empire isn't its subdivision into states, but it's hegemonic psotion relative to many, many other countries.
    I was intentionally ignoring that because it's less funny.

    It's like an exploit YouTuber uploading 'can you beat Skyrim/Minecraft/Baldur's Gate 3 with a modded in gun'. Just feels like it's going against the spirit of things.

    Now the French would have an Emperor, but when asked for help with the revolution the other European monarchs got messages saying 'the French are revolting', agreed, and got on with their day
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Fyraltari View Post
    Your plan for defeating an undead monster starts with them having a functionning cardiovascular system?
    He was drugged unconscious in Freddy vs Jason.
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Now the French would have an Emperor, but
    he's currently trapped on the moon.
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    Wow.
    That took a very sudden turn for the dark.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Now the French would have an Emperor, but when asked for help with the revolution the other European monarchs got messages saying 'the French are revolting', agreed, and got on with their day
    I mean, we got another one after this one.
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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Mmmm, new thread smell.

    I think semantic debates over "empire" are not as useful as the simple acknowledgement that a political entity is a world superpower with a sphere of influence/control/hegemony that ascends cultural, geographical, and ethnic borders, with other powers aligning themselves in relation to that nation and its culture.

    The US has the same function in the nation-state era as various empires have had throughout history. "Was middle-kingdom Egypt an empire?" Doesn't matter. It was Egypt. That, by itself, said enough.
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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Keltest View Post
    I went and checked, and I think the fact that we lack a supreme authority (ie an emperor) disqualifies us.
    Wait, then who is this "Uncle Sam" character?
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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by DataNinja View Post
    Wait, then who is this "Uncle Sam" character?
    Colonel Trautman.
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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by DataNinja View Post
    Wait, then who is this "Uncle Sam" character?
    A propaganda poster.
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    A propaganda poster.
    Mine was better.
    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by DataNinja View Post
    Wait, then who is this "Uncle Sam" character?
    Is this the guy who makes bread from people? I remember something about him kneading you...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    A fatal combination. Next thing you know you'll be writing fanfiction that ships Futaba with the Venom symbiote.
    Real talk if I were to ship Futaba with anyone it would be Sophia from Strikers due to their chemistry, but even that's iffy: While Futaba is clearly into girls based on... Honestly a lot of stuff, she has dialog in Royal's third semester that suggests that she's only romantically interested in dudes.

    Granted, given that Sophia is an AI I'm not sure how that would work anyway, they'd only be able to physically interact in the Metaverse and typically if that's the case they've got more serious problems to deal with.
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Meanwhile America thinks they aren't an empire

    (I might be misremembering, but I think the way the US government is split between state and federal makes it technically fit the definition.)
    Quote Originally Posted by Keltest View Post
    I went and checked, and I think the fact that we lack a supreme authority (ie an emperor) disqualifies us.
    You have a president who is clearly a quasi monarch with a lot more power than Victoria had here, a congress, a senate, generally your federal overrules your states. Then there's your behaviour toward the rest of America, which you rule with not much of a velvet glove at all.
    The end of what Son? The story? There is no end. There's just the point where the storytellers stop talking.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by halfeye View Post
    You have a president who is clearly a quasi monarch
    *nervous sweating*
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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by halfeye View Post
    Y... a lot more power than Victoria had here, ...
    If I recall correctly, she wasn't Empress of Britain, she was Empress of India. I don't know how much influence she actually had over the Raj.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidSh View Post
    If I recall correctly, she wasn't Empress of Britain, she was Empress of India. I don't know how much influence she actually had over the Raj.
    You don't need to be an emperor to have an empire.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

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    Default Re: Fyraltari's Furiously Farcical Random Banter Thread #247

    Quote Originally Posted by Fyraltari View Post
    *nervous sweating*
    "Quasi", not "Queasy"...
    Warning: This posting may contain wit, wisdom, pathos, irony, satire, sarcasm and puns. And traces of nut.

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