Dumbest arguement you heard?

[Akisa]

1) Prior to session start a player and dm was arguing how much Force Points (kind of like action points) the character has. The player was not arguing that he had more Force Points, instead he was arguing he had less and the DM was stead fast that he should have more.

[Kizara]

2) In the middle of a session, my DM was arguing with me whether or not the programs running in the background of my computer were impacting it's performance. I was trying to insist we get back to the game... which we did after a moment, but it was still a really silly argument.

[Reel On, Love]

"Candles of Invocation aren't broken because the gated Solar who was called in to kill an evil dragon will have no duties and nothing better to do than to track you down and kill you for gating him, an embodiment of Warrior Good, in to fight evil."

[RandomNPC]

it's not exactly related to RPGing, but here goes.

in DBZ gokus dad gets psychic 4 days after goku is born. my friend insists he passed his psychic abilites onto goku so he could see what was coming in fights.

first, it's not genetic, second, he was already born.

[Kizara]

4) Samurai's are not inferior because they have some skill points and skills that have no synergy to the class. Including uncommon skills, such as forgery.

[Mr. Mud]

Anything out of my DM's mouth

[Issabella]

I can burn down an orphanage, kick a puppy and help an old lady across the street because I am Chaotic Neutral!


CN does not equal Chaotic stupid! grrrr

[Xefas]

I once was engaged in a brief argument regarding what equipment should be available for purchase at a specific location.

I had designed my Yuan-Ti empire after the Aztecs, and so the player contended that, since the Aztecs existed in proto-Mexico, they should be able to buy bootlegged scrolls there.

I allowed them to go around asking the locals for such items, but eventually their diplomatic immunity wore thin and they were taken captive by slavers.

[Ashes]

I once was engaged in a brief argument regarding what equipment should be available for purchase at a specific location.

I had designed my Yuan-Ti empire after the Aztecs, and so the player contended that, since the Aztecs existed in proto-Mexico, they should be able to buy bootlegged scrolls there.

I allowed them to go around asking the locals for such items, but eventually their diplomatic immunity wore thin and they were taken captive by slavers.

I don't really have anything to add, but I must say that this made me laugh.

[RandomNPC]

I once was engaged in a brief argument regarding what equipment should be available for purchase at a specific location.

I had designed my Yuan-Ti empire after the Aztecs, and so the player contended that, since the Aztecs existed in proto-Mexico, they should be able to buy bootlegged scrolls there.

I allowed them to go around asking the locals for such items, but eventually their diplomatic immunity wore thin and they were taken captive by slavers.

quite lovely, real diplomatic immunity should work something like that. i've only heard of it a few times, but apparently if they don't see you in the act you can get away with anything if you've got diplomatic immunity.

[Mewtarthio]

quite lovely, real diplomatic immunity should work something like that. i've only heard of it a few times, but apparently if they don't see you in the act you can get away with anything if you've got diplomatic immunity.

I believe you're immune to all prosecution if you've got diplomatic immunity. They can always kick you out if you start killing random people, and your home country can just prosecute you themselves if you've brought shame upon them (or, better yet, waive your immunity).

[Daze]

I can burn down an orphanage, kick a puppy and help an old lady across the street because I am Chaotic Neutral!


CN does not equal Chaotic stupid! grrrr

I agree wholeheartedly.

Any Chaotic alignment for that matter, people use it as an excuse to be raving jerks.

[Prophaniti]

Oh, I got into an argument with my brother (who admitedely likes to argue about everything) about whether or not my character, who was lawful neutral, would enjoy a barfight. Apparently the chaotic nature of a barfight meant my LN character would automatically abhore and detest them. I was just running a character with a very strict moral code - that loved to fight. It was a very silly thing to argue about, but I still think he's an idiot when it comes to alignment interpretation.

[EvilElitest]

Me- Alright, the mother dies with her last words urging you to take this baby out of enemy terroritory. The baby is sick with fever and will not last long.

My group at the time is a wizard, a rouge, and a paldin, the first two are long time players, the latter just showed up

Rouge- Damn it, this is going to be a hassel (elven baby, goblin terrotory, they are all goblinoid themselves but an elven baby)
Wizard- Crud, now i have to play the wet nurse
Paladin- I kill the baby


Me- Wait WTF? How the hell can you justifiy that? It is a freaking baby

Paladin- Well you told me i have to make people feel happy

Me- Thank you for taking the freaking five page manual on the to do and not to do about the paladin code i wrote and reducing it to one sentence but how is that relevant
Paladin- Well the Rouge and Wizard are unhappy about keeping the baby alive, so it i kill it it, so that should make them happy
Me- But what about hte baby' happeness
Paladin- He is crying, if i kill him what ever is making him cry won't bother him any more

Me- Dear gods in heavens, my mind

Rouge- Can i shank the pally?
from,
EE

[Jimp]

Oh god that was hilarious .

[Snadgeros]

All classes in core are balanced if you optimize them the maximum amount! For max optimization, everyone just makes Pun-Pun and voila! Everyone is EQUALLY infinitely powerful!

[Lady Tialait]

Rouge- Can i shank the pally?

Indeed you can my good man...and if you do you inherite all of his powers and hsi god's favor.

[TimeWizard]

The Core-only Fighter is better then a Warblade because at level 20 they can all out Power Attack for 60+2d6+STR damage.

[EvilElitest]

Indeed you can my good man...and if you do you inherite all of his powers and hsi god's favor.

That was pretty close to my response, the Rouge got a free level in Paladin (fluff) and the entire premise of the champain changed

Oh god that was hilarious .

you mean me?
from,
EE

[Kompera]

5) I'm banning the spiked chain from my game because I find it to be unrealistic.

Never mind all the other unrealistic weapons in the PHB, or the fact that spears or lances don't ever shatter when used, or the fact that you can sap an armored man wearing a steel helm into unconsciousness, or any of the other highly unrealistic things allowed under the D&D combat system or representation of physics. Or even the fact that the spiked chain is only fully utilized by melee types, most notably Fighters who have the Feats to spare for said utilization and who are widely regarded as the least potent of the melee classes in Core and are sorely in need of any game mechanics love that might be thrown their way.

Nope, I reserve all of my righteous indignation and insistence on "realism" for the spiked chain alone.

[Daegann Darrow]

Joe: I cast burning hands.
DM: There's a wagon in the way.
Joe: So? The range on the spell is 15' radius.
DM: And there's a wagon right freakin' there. Your spell won't hit anyone.
Joe: What the hell, are you retarded? Fire goes around stuff.
DM: Dude, it would not do that. Your spell won't hit jack.
Joe: Yes it DOES. Fire goes around and over stuff, the fire would hit it!
DM: No, it wouldn't
Joe: Well I cast it through the wagon then.
DM: What? It's a wagon carrying a hundred thousand gold's worth of magic weaponry. It's the equivalent of an armored transport truck.
Joe: Bulls**t
DM: It's not gonna work. Do you want to do something else?
Joe: No, I cast the spell becaue it would work.
DM: Your spell does nothing. Who's next?

What's even better is that "Joe" went upstairs to his room, constructed a makeshift wagon out of cardboard and zipties, and sprayed it with an AXE flamethrower. We all got thrown out of the house because the thing burst into flame (DURRR JOE!) and the plastic melted, so the smoke alarms went off. Still make fun of him for it.

[Daegann Darrow]

Here's a chaser for that last one.

My friend "Gordon" and I were running a game with some friends and the previous session we had left off at the base of a 150' tall cliff. Before we left Gordon and "Nick" were tossing around the idea of my 1/2-orc Barbarian throwing the halfling up with a rope. It was funny, but mostly forgotten. Gordon is an odd person, so when we played again two weeks later he pasted up a series of papers covered in precise calculation telling us that it could be done, using the wieght tables and the lift over head tables as his math base. He had gone to his math teacher at college and proposed the idea, and they both nerded out over it for a week and a half.

Of course, when the time came I had to crush his spirit.

Gordon: So basically since Brunk has a strength of 20 he can lift a thousand pounds. Scuzzyfeet only weighs thirty pounds! Blah Blah Blah math stuff Blah!

Daegann: Dude. Velocity.

Gordon: Wha?

Daegann: Velocity dude. You cant lift a thirty pound halfling up over your head fast enough to throw him 150' feet straight up.

Gordon: 0_0

Daegann: lol
(Turns out there was a path hidden in a cave, lol)

[Armads]

6) If A touches B, B doesn't touch A.

[BloodyAngel]

I once had to argue with a player for twenty minutes that yes, elves in fact... COULD get lycanthropy. His character was an elf, and despite having absolutely NO proof of this, save "I know I read it somewhere", he fought with me for a needlessly long time about it.

The funny part... He had taken a mere 3 damage from said Lycanthrope in the fight... back in a second edition game. Meaning he had a 3% chance of actually getting the affliction. Most pointless arguement ever.

[Callos_DeTerran]

DM: Alright, you guys encounter a random encounter at sea...

Player A: (Leaning back in stool because it's getting uncomfortable) I bet it's like a kraken or dragon turtle from the way he's cackling over there.

DM: Hey! A bolt of lightening strikes your character for...24 points of damage.

Player A: What? How?

DM: You looked at the page of the MM!

Player A: No, I was leaning back, but I was asking how a bolt of lightening hit me in the first place. You said the sky was clear and it wasn't storm season.

DM: Because I said so.

Player A: But could you at least try and justify it to make me feel better?

[EvilElitest]

DM: Alright, you guys encounter a random encounter at sea...

Player A: (Leaning back in stool because it's getting uncomfortable) I bet it's like a kraken or dragon turtle from the way he's cackling over there.

DM: Hey! A bolt of lightening strikes your character for...24 points of damage.

Player A: What? How?

DM: You looked at the page of the MM!

Player A: No, I was leaning back, but I was asking how a bolt of lightening hit me in the first place. You said the sky was clear and it wasn't storm season.

DM: Because I said so.

Player A: But could you at least try and justify it to make me feel better?

nice

Another one

This is set in a world based after teh Greek city states. the PC are scouts for an orcish invasion
Me- Alright, the massive orcish hoards are coming, as they march towards the cannon.
Fighter- I take off my armor and sneak closer
Me- Ok i suppose
rouge- wait, didn't i just do that
Ranger- I cover him with my bow
Wizard- I watch while bored, but my familer (raven) follows him
Fighter- Alright how close am i to the first group
Me- about 20 yards
Fighter- who are they?
Me- goblin slaves led by an ogre slave driver
Figher- Alright i ready my shield
Me- Ok
Fighter- I put my longsword to the ground and equip the gladuis i found earlier.
Me- i'm beginning to dread this but ok
Fighter- I put my spear in my hand
Me- Ok
Fighter- I put my red cloak on
Me- Your not good at the whole stealth thing are you
Fighter- and i take off all my clothes other than my breeches
Me- WTF?
Wizard-hey that big sword was making up for something, what do you know
Druid-oh gods, my yes
Ranger- stab myself in the eye
Cleric (female)- Grrrrrrr
Rouge- naked warrior. Wait a second

fighter- I will jump in front of them and declare dramtically "you shall not pass, this is Spartia"
Me-WTF? Spartia doesn't even exist in this world, and your boarding racism
Fighter- But i figure that they must have seen the movie, and seeing a naked warrior will effect their moral awfully
Me- How will seeing an naked lone warrior scare them in the least?
Fighter- well if somebody takes off all their cloths and attack an army alone, then they must be crazy or bad ass to the core. so they will ether run away, knowing they are mooks and thus weak against the badass single ninja mode of attack, or they will think i'm crazy and run away to avoid catching what ever it is i have
Me- the words come out but they don't make sense
Fighter- I charge dramaticlly
Me- They raise weapons
Fighter- But they must have seen the movie and know to be afraid
me- Yes they did seen the movie, and they all hated it. You die. I'm sorry, but you broke the game. You just die
fighter- at least i had chicken
Me- They sell your body to a local necrophelic
Fighter- oh................................................ ...............no chicken
Me-nope
from,
EE

[Kaelik]

Joe: I cast burning hands.
DM: There's a wagon in the way.
Joe: So? The range on the spell is 15' radius.
DM: And there's a wagon right freakin' there. Your spell won't hit anyone.
Joe: What the hell, are you retarded? Fire goes around stuff.
DM: Dude, it would not do that. Your spell won't hit jack.
Joe: Yes it DOES. Fire goes around and over stuff, the fire would hit it!
DM: No, it wouldn't
Joe: Well I cast it through the wagon then.
DM: What? It's a wagon carrying a hundred thousand gold's worth of magic weaponry. It's the equivalent of an armored transport truck.
Joe: Bulls**t
DM: It's not gonna work. Do you want to do something else?
Joe: No, I cast the spell becaue it would work.
DM: Your spell does nothing. Who's next?

What's even better is that "Joe" went upstairs to his room, constructed a makeshift wagon out of cardboard and zipties, and sprayed it with an AXE flamethrower. We all got thrown out of the house because the thing burst into flame (DURRR JOE!) and the plastic melted, so the smoke alarms went off. Still make fun of him for it.

Show Joe the part of the spell that says "Burst."

Then show him the description of Burst that says things with Total Cover to the point of origin are not effected. Then show him the part where Spread says it goes around corners. Then show him that Fireball is a Spread. Then show him that he wants to cast Fireball.

(If he's level one, show him Color Spray.)

[BRC]

nice

Another one

This is set in a world based after teh Greek city states. the PC are scouts for an orcish invasion
Me- Alright, the massive orcish hoards are coming, as they march towards the cannon.
Fighter- I take off my armor and sneak closer
Me- Ok i suppose
rouge- wait, didn't i just do that
Ranger- I cover him with my bow
Wizard- I watch while bored, but my familer (raven) follows him
Fighter- Alright how close am i to the first group
Me- about 20 yards
Fighter- who are they?
Me- goblin slaves led by an ogre slave driver
Figher- Alright i ready my shield
Me- Ok
Fighter- I put my longsword to the ground and equip the gladuis i found earlier.
Me- i'm beginning to dread this but ok
Fighter- I put my spear in my hand
Me- Ok
Fighter- I put my red cloak on
Me- Your not good at the whole stealth thing are you
Fighter- and i take off all my clothes other than my breeches
Me- WTF?
Wizard-hey that big sword was making up for something, what do you know
Druid-oh gods, my yes
Ranger- stab myself in the eye
Cleric (female)- Grrrrrrr
Rouge- naked warrior. Wait a second

fighter- I will jump in front of them and declare dramtically "you shall not pass, this is Spartia"
Me-WTF? Spartia doesn't even exist in this world, and your boarding racism
Fighter- But i figure that they must have seen the movie, and seeing a naked warrior will effect their moral awfully
Me- How will seeing an naked lone warrior scare them in the least?
Fighter- well if somebody takes off all their cloths and attack an army alone, then they must be crazy or bad ass to the core. so they will ether run away, knowing they are mooks and thus weak against the badass single ninja mode of attack, or they will think i'm crazy and run away to avoid catching what ever it is i have
Me- the words come out but they don't make sense
Fighter- I charge dramaticlly
Me- They raise weapons
Fighter- But they must have seen the movie and know to be afraid
me- Yes they did seen the movie, and they all hated it. You die. I'm sorry, but you broke the game. You just die
fighter- at least i had chicken
Me- They sell your body to a local necrophelic
Fighter- oh................................................ ...............no chicken
Me-nope
from,
EE

Dude, thats Madness

[EvilElitest]

Dude, thats Madness

yes, yes, it is
don't push me down a well
from,
EE

[Kompera]

6) If A touches B, B doesn't touch A.

There is a person on this board (whose name escapes me at this time) whose .sig includes words to the effect that you can't use an English definition to contradict the rules. Yes, if A touches B, B touches A. But "touch" is both a Noun and a Verb, and in the context of the argument the RAW was clearly using the Verb, while those looking to twist the RAW to their advantage liked the Noun better. But I'll agree that it was indeed amongst the dumbest arguments I've heard, I just think that the dumb was on the other side from that which you obviously support.