Table Tales: PC/DM Brilliance/Stupidity

[FlyMolo]

Just as the title says.

Gazebo stories, I attack the darkness stories, and stuff that just plain made no sense, from either side of the screen. Post 'em here, for the Playground's edification and amusement. Go on, we won't laugh.

I miss the old Player Stupidity threads.

[Nohwl]

i tried making a rat flail once, but my dm threatened me with the plague.

[Methabroax]

Best player stupidity was in ADnD. One of my players was an old fashioned assassin (Back in the day when they had a chart for death strike succeeding as a flat percent chance.

The assassin snuck into a cave. I told him he came upon a sleeping owlbear. He says he's going assassinate it. I remind him that he has a very very low chance of killing it with one shot. He says 'no problem'. I take my shot. He pulls off a 01% on his roll and kills it and says 'i'm going to search it's pockets'. I tell him it doesnt have pockets, it's an owlbear. He was thinking it was a bugbear (2 hd, good chance of getting killed from the backstab damage even if the assassination roll failed) He cuts off the head and wears it like a hat for the rest of the campaign (a la Belkar and the kobold)

Big difference 2 hd Bugbear vs 8 HD party killing owlbear that was supposed to get avoided.

Good times.

Methabroax

[theMycon]

We're running through what is basically a magic volcano. Being chased by a big earth elemental (not "no reason to try" big, but "there's a good chance it could kill one or two of us" big), we run into a lava flow, 10' across, and we've got maybe 3-5 rounds to cross it before he catches up. I, druid, can wildshape into a bird and fly over, and Fighter can probably jump it, but the wizard doesn't have fly yet. Wizard comes up with the solution "well, we can try to make the rock monster run straight past us and into the lave, get a bridge, but it's risky.

"I can summon a few small earth elementals. There's about 4' tall, we can can make a smaller bridge."
"You can't order them to just commit suicide, can you?"
"I don't need to. I can make them appear where ever I want."

I roll a 3 on the 1d3 summoned elementals. We can now calmly walk across, will them out of existence, and the elemental keeps on chasing us, right into the lava.

[lumberofdabeast]

I had a druid in a game I was playing, when learning of a minor kobold problem in a cave in the forest, suggest setting the forest on fire.

[Hadrian_Emrys]

I DM'ed a game with young players, and had them encounter a single goblin at a level where it would be absurdly easy to off him. The catch? He is mentally traumatized, dying, and has the canyon wired to blow. Against the odds, the party cleric (the youngest player in the group) managed to roll high enough to merit calming the greeny down and gaining plot revealing dialogue. Just when the situation was about to be diffused, the party wizard makes a lunge for the alchemist's fire in the goblin's hand...

[Kizara]

6-man lvl 2 party (high powered stats) vs 2 displacer beasts

Druids wins initiative. "I cast entangle on the party."

Me + Party: "WTF?!"

Druid: "Well, they won't want to come and attack us if there's all the entangling plants around."

Us: *spend 10 minutes trying to explain to him that such is a stupid idea*

Druid: "No, it will work! Its my character and that's what I'm going to do!"

Obviously, the displacers weren't actually very afraid of being entangled, and proceeded to mop-up the sitting-ducks of the party who couldn't run or even fight them much.

Said player isn't allowed to play casters anymore.