The most useless spells.

[Adumbration]

I was looking through Sorceror spells today, when I ran into a seventh level spell that I simply couldn't figure out an use for. Some of you may guess it.

That's right. Instant Summons.

Let's sum it up. It's a seventh level spell. It requires to use another spell, and a 1000 gp sapphire, and what does it do? You can summon an item to your hand - sounds handy, right? Like, when you lose your spellbook, you can use it to summon a back-up, right?

Not quite. First of all, anything that gets your spellbook - say, for example through Tomb of Horror-esque trick - gets the sapphire. Which is required to summon the item. And which is apparently fragile enough to be crushed by the muscles of a mage.

But hey, this could be handy in a case, say, someone steals your spellbook! Again! But this time, you've inscribed the Arcane Mark on you original spellbook! Now you can do the ha-ha! on your would-be thief!

Right?

Wrong. You can't summon the item if it's in the possession of another creature. I mean, c'mon, what spell could be more filled with suck than that? I honestly can't come up with any remotely useful way of using it. And this is a seventh level spell! For goodness sake. It's right next to Spell Turning and Mage's Magnificent Mansion.

Now, what other sucky spells are out there, completely out of their league and useless?

[Kurald Galain]

Hold Portal?

[mostlyharmful]

I used this in a homebrew in combination with teleport Object to make a spellbook enchancement that it can be summoned and replaced once per day from wherever it is, no more worrying about it when it's locked up safe and sound in the biggest safe buried under your tower on anouther continent. Other than that yes, its more than a little sucky.

[Xefas]

Flare! A useless spell when compared to the dynamo that it must share a spell level with: Prestidigitation.

A -1 to attack rolls for 1 minute, requiring a save and susceptible to spell resistance, to one creature OR flavor my morning oatmeal to taste like lobster. Is there really a competition?

[Falrin]

Detect Undead.

60 Ft cone? Concentration +1min/LvL? hooray, you spot the zombie before he catches you, that sneaky bastard.

[Chosen_of_Vecna]

Detect Undead.

60 Ft cone? Concentration +1min/LvL? hooray, you spot the zombie before he catches you, that sneaky bastard.

Best part: Detect Evil will also Detect pretty much any undead, and other things, and it's the same spell level.

[Demons_eye]

"If the item is in the possession of another creature, the spell does not work, but you know who the possessor is and roughly where that creature is located when the summons occurs"

Well you would know who had your spell book were it is at, ect....
And A nice thing for the lost wedding rings and car keys and other things you lose alot.

[Chosen_of_Vecna]

Detect Undead.

60 Ft cone? Concentration +1min/LvL? hooray, you spot the zombie before he catches you, that sneaky bastard.

Best part: Detect Evil will also Detect pretty much any undead, and other things, and it's the same spell level.

[Solo]

Tenser's Floating Disk.

[Callos_DeTerran]

Tenser's Floating Disk.

Dude...don't mock the disk. I thought it was useless at first too but my group has come up with all sorts of interesting uses for it. Not one of which was 'Swoop over the toiling hired workers/slave labor screeching profanity and threatening with arcane doom'

[Solo]

Dude...don't mock the disk. I thought it was useless at first too but my group has come up with all sorts of interesting uses for it. Not one of which was 'Swoop over the toiling hired workers/slave labor screeching profanity and threatening with arcane doom'

Except that it can't float more than a few feet off the ground.

[streakster]

Dude...don't mock the disk. I thought it was useless at first too but my group has come up with all sorts of interesting uses for it. Not one of which was 'Swoop over the toiling hired workers/slave labor screeching profanity and threatening with arcane doom'

Midget slaves, I take it?

[hylian chozo]

Except that it can't float more than a few feet off the ground.

But it can float over pressure switches, trip wires, and other traps. Very useful.

[Sir_Elderberry]

Tenser's disk is awesome. Recently, we were fighting something that stayed underwater (we were in a cave) and our warmage made the disk, put the bard on it, and had him float above where we knew the creature was and whirling blade. Not to mention I was transported across the water without exposing myself to getting grappled by the thing.

[Neithan]

I think virtue is really useless. 1 temporary hp is an increase by 10 to 20% for 1st level wizards or rogues, but you probably drop after the first hit anyway.
I'd rather prepare one additional Light spell.

[Swooper]

I remember a one-shot evil party my group once played.. We had an overweight goblin sorcerer who had a constant Tenser's Floating Disc effect to sustain his bloated body - his legs were crippled and couldn't. Pretty visually impressive concept in it's own freaky way, I guess (think Baron Harkonnen).

As for the topic: I always thought Nystul's Magic Aura was pretty lame. Ditto on Tenser's Floating Disc, Misdirection (2nd level spell for something so ludicrously situational?), Fire Trap (it's a nice idea, but 1d4+1/level on a 4th level spell that you can't even cast directly at something?) and Rary's Mnemonic Enhancer (OK, not 100% useless, but has anyone used this? Seriously?).

[Squash Monster]

I've never understood Virtue, myself. I always feel like it should have some hidden secret useage, like how Cure Minor Wounds is an auto stabilize. But I've never found that use.

[Chronos]

Tenser's Floating Disk isn't worthless, exactly... It's just useful so seldom (especially compared to other spells) that you'd never actually prepare it, and certainly not use one of your precious Spells Known on it as a sorcerer. A Warmage is about the only class that ever would have good reason to use it (since it's automatically available anyway).

And don't knock Magic Aura or Fire Trap. Magic Aura means that you don't light up like a Christmas tree under Detect Magic, which is essential for any character trying to be subtle, and it can be used in some great swindles. And Fire Trap isn't meant to be cast in combat; it has a duration of "permanent until discharged", so you cast it on the things you want to protect during your downtime, when you're just resting up between adventures. Also note that it doesn't harm the object it's warding, which makes it one of the best protections available for your spellbook, until you're able to craft magic item traps for it.

[AmberVael]

Phantom Trap.
Second level spell- you make someone THINK there is a trap. Really... that's kind of useless. Maybe level 1, I could see, but by the time level 2 spells come around you, as an untrained wizard, could likely set up a real trap with a craft skill and your intelligence modifier, or possibly with the use of another spell.
Why bother making someone think there is a trap when you can make a REAL trap? It's not like you're wasting gold- Phantom Trap requires 50 gp to cast.

Gentle Repose
Sure, it's a handy spell, but is it really worth a second/third level spell slot? No. It makes corpses stink less (albeit in a more complex fashion). Sure, it's still used, but that's only because there isn't another method. It's not something that is good for its level.

Minor Creation.
You can... um... honestly, I can't think of a good use for this spell. Major creation? Yes. But temporary wood and vegetable matter creations that you have to use a craft check to make anything interesting out of (and with a casting time of one minute) kind of limits the use of this spell.
Best use? Create Door Stop. This is fourth level- a little more versatility would be nice.

Secret Chest.
You... hide... something. For sixty days. In an expensive chest. At 5th level. The only real use it has is to screw up some evil baddy's plans by tossing something in the chest, then chopping the mini chest focus in half so it is "irretrievably lost." Oh wait, you can actually mount an expedition to find it, so "irretrievable" is a misuse of the word, apparently. Granted, it might take them a while, but you might as well take a bag of holding, put said object in and stab said bag of holding to lose it. It would even be less expensive, and you wouldn't waste a spell slot.
Bleh. Bad spell.

[Eldariel]

Nystul's Magic Aura is an awesome tool against the PCs to give them the wrong idea of what items they've acquired, to sell them junk, and to overall empty their purses. Also, it's a great tool for selling Mount-summoned Horses for cash and overall for all sorts of scams. Oh, and it's a fine way of hiding the magically infused PCs from Arcane Sight/Detect Magic-variants. The spell is definitely one of the most versatile non-combat spells out there; I'd never leave it out of my spellbook.

[mabriss lethe]

Nystul's Magic Aura is an awesome tool against the PCs to give them the wrong idea of what items they've acquired, to sell them junk, and to overall empty their purses. Also, it's a great tool for selling Mount-summoned Horses for cash and overall for all sorts of scams. Oh, and it's a fine way of hiding the magically infused PCs from Arcane Sight/Detect Magic-variants. The spell is definitely one of the most versatile non-combat spells out there; I'd never leave it out of my spellbook.

Exactly. In a magic-heavy campaign I was in a while back, it was the smuggler's bread and butter. (there was a lot of magic, but it was all very tightly regulated.) We made a mint using this spell to get black market magic items into and out of cities.

[Draz74]

Gentle Repose
Sure, it's a handy spell, but is it really worth a second/third level spell slot? No. It makes corpses stink less (albeit in a more complex fashion). Sure, it's still used, but that's only because there isn't another method. It's not something that is good for its level.

This one, I don't have a problem with.

Secret Chest.
You... hide... something. For sixty days. In an expensive chest. At 5th level. The only real use it has is to screw up some evil baddy's plans by tossing something in the chest, then chopping the mini chest focus in half so it is "irretrievably lost." Oh wait, you can actually mount an expedition to find it, so "irretrievable" is a misuse of the word, apparently. Granted, it might take them a while, but you might as well take a bag of holding, put said object in and stab said bag of holding to lose it. It would even be less expensive, and you wouldn't waste a spell slot.
Bleh. Bad spell.

Ah, but you can't have a Bag of Holding without Secret Chest.

But yes, pretty much the only real use for Secret Chest is so your party Wizard can Craft some Handy Haversacks and Bags of Holding.

[Ryuuk]

Minor Creation.
You can... um... honestly, I can't think of a good use for this spell. Major creation? Yes. But temporary wood and vegetable matter creations that you have to use a craft check to make anything interesting out of (and with a casting time of one minute) kind of limits the use of this spell.
Best use? Create Door Stop. This is fourth level- a little more versatility would be nice.

There is one use, but I'm not sure how it would rank as far as cheese goes. How high are the DCs for crafting poison?

[streakster]

I don't agree. Minor Creation can be very nice. See, it does require craft checks. And I agree, that's kind of bad - it should waive that unless the craft DC is over a certain number, or give a craft bonus, or some such thing. But with a wizard, you've got a decent chance to succeed - so, what use is this then? It should really be called "Summon Mundane Item". Now, a lot of people hate mundane items, and ignore them. I've got bit of a MacGyver streak, and I've played the Tome of Horrors, so I love mundane items - and being able to make almost anything off the mundane EQ list is, for me, a huge asset.

My 2cp, anyway.

[Kyeudo]

Minor Creation.
You can... um... honestly, I can't think of a good use for this spell. Major creation? Yes. But temporary wood and vegetable matter creations that you have to use a craft check to make anything interesting out of (and with a casting time of one minute) kind of limits the use of this spell.
Best use? Create Door Stop. This is fourth level- a little more versatility would be nice.

The arcane version does suck, but it has it's uses. Mostly involving large quantities of vegtable oil and fire or large quantities of poison.

The psionic version is infinitely more useful, since it's a first level power. Instant bridges, rope, ladders, etc.

[Solo]

I don't agree. Minor Creation can be very nice. See, it does require craft checks. And I agree, that's kind of bad - it should waive that unless the craft DC is over a certain number, or give a craft bonus, or some such thing. But with a wizard, you've got a decent chance to succeed - so, what use is this then? It should really be called "Summon Mundane Item". Now, a lot of people hate mundane items, and ignore them. I've got bit of a MacGyver streak, and I've played the Tome of Horrors, so I love mundane items - and being able to make almost anything off the mundane EQ list is, for me, a huge asset.

My 2cp, anyway.

Summon pot.

Sell pot.

Make profit, repeat until desired result is achieved.

[monty]

Summon pot.

Sell pot.

Make profit, repeat until desired result is achieved.

Step 1: Cast Minor Creation
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Profit!

[Eldariel]

Summon pot.

Sell pot.

Make profit, repeat until desired result is achieved.

I'll bet Pot isn't the drug of choice in D&D.

[Kurald Galain]

Many of the spells mentioned here are situational spells that are useful for a wizard during downtime (you won't be preparing them if you expect combat) and probably not worth the slot for a sorcerer.

Nystul's Magic Aura - useful for con artists and trader types, and if I had a residence somewhere I'd cast this on absolutely everything just to annoy visiting warlocks. I seem to recall the 2E version was permanent.

Likewise, during downtime you can go nuts protecting everything you own with Fire Traps, and drive visiting thieves nuts by throwing Phantom Traps liberally around in your home (and don't forget to add a few real traps, of course).

I've made good use of Mnemonic Enhancer during days where having not enough spells, or not the right spells, as a wizard would be problematic.

Minor Creation is completely awesome. The craft checks are only required for complex items, and arguably a rope, basic weapon, or similar practical object doesn't count as complex. Well, it is too high level, but still nice.

Secret Chest is very useful for the stylish traveling wizard who has more luggage than he could carry. It's slightly too high in level, again, but the only reason this spell isn't useful in 3E is because of the idea that everybody can buy any magic item they want from the market at any time.

[Squash Monster]

In the last campaign I was in, my DM really liked to put the party in jail. If we played for one more level, my sorcerer would have had Major Creation. One casting of Major Creation would put a brand new adamantine battle axe in Rex Irongroin's cell, and probably kill most of our jailers. I think that's a plenty good use of a spell.

I'll bet Pot isn't the drug of choice in D&D.

I bet the drug of choice is still plant matter.