My DM is unfocused

[The Fighter]

The DM I played with for the first three years of my DnD career was fun but strict. If you made a mistake you were punished but always fairly but when you started whining you would be punished more severely. I remember one time our rouge bluffed me into sticking my hand into a bag of devouring and because I rolled with the punches so to speak I was compensated for the loss down the road. His adventures were challenging and fun. He based the encounters, traps and challenges to fit the skills and abilities of each player.

Now for the true reason I'm posting the new DM my group has adopted is for lack of a better word, terrible. He lacks focus and is too easy on the players. He once let our Dwarven Barbarian change classes completely mid-dungeon. Not to mention he uses plot devices to keep characters alive as soon as they are about to die. If we don't make choices EXACTLY the way he wants us to make them he gets pissy and stops playing. He shows favoritism to certain players. And the topper of it all is he procrastinates.

My Question to you people is to ask if theres anything I can do to help him become a better DM. I've tried to find other groups but my old DM is too busy now and I live in an area where being a "nerd" is punishable by a swift kick in the nuts. I myself lack the patience to be a DM and when ever I do I tend to kill the PC's when the start whining about the magical items they found that aren't specifically what they wanted. So I'm stuck with this guy and he's really killing my passion for the game so any suggestions?

[RTGoodman]

Ask if you can DM for a while, and teach by example. Let characters die, but don't be heavy-handed about it, don't railroad characters, and try to stay prepared for whatever the players might do. Once he sees how it works, maybe he'll like that way and can start to DM that way again.

And if not, well, just talk to him about it. I mean, if he's a friend, he should be able to take some constructive criticism. Just don't be a jerk about it.

EDIT: Also, if you don't mind me asking, what part of North Carolina are you from? I've yet to find a place here that's not friendly to (or, at least, accepting of) gamers.

[Ranis]

My advice on this situation is always thus: Tell him why he's being a bad DM, and if he doesn't change then get a new one or drop his game. With D&D you're supposed to have fun, and when you stop having fun there needs to be a change of DMs.

Also, I'm sure this "place you live in where being a nerd justifies a swift kick to the nuts" is just a fabrication.

[The Fighter]

Yeah it's not that bad but my home is surrounded by foot ball players and the like they wont play DnD with me and if they would I doubt they would be a good DM.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Play PbP. That should more or less solve the problem.

[The Fighter]

Play PbP. That should more or less solve the problem.

Not big on Acronyms, PbP means?

[Azerian Kelimon]

Play By Post. Essentially, playing on the tubes. People are much friendlier here, though games usually lag down a bit because unlike in Tabletop, not everyone is there at the same time.

[RTGoodman]

Well, depending on where you live, there should be a gaming store somewhere within driving distance. I know there are a couple in Greensboro and one in Kernersville (if you live in the Triad area), at least one or two in the Charlotte area, several in Raleigh/Chapel Hill/Durham, at least one in Fayetteville, one in Havelock, and two in Greenville (if you're in eastern NC). I don't know for sure, but I'd be willing to bet there are stores in the Wilmington area, in Boone or somewhere else in the mountains, and probably some spread throughout the rest of the state (though they're probably few and far between).

I think your first try should be just to reconcile with your current DM/group, though. If that just doesn't work, any local gaming store is gonna have people willing to play if you want to start a new group and are anywhere near enough to a store to matter.

EDIT: Or play by post, as Azerian Kelimon suggests.

[The Fighter]

I might try the play by post thing , and I live in lincoln county which is an hour outside of Charlotte.

[Khanderas]

I concur with the voices in saying, be the DM yourself and show them the path to true glory. Be the DM you look up to and remember with awe and inspire a new batch of nerds players in North Carolina to throw down the Jock supremacy rule.

Main problem, very likly, is that the DM in this case think that death would make everyone tire of the game (note that this may very well be true, your way is not the only way, even though I agree with you on a personal level).
Railroading is simply insecurity in his ability to improvise OR that the world you play in does not have enough backstory (that the DM knows about anyway) to improvise.
How to avoid the prissyness if ppl dont follow his railroads I am unsure. Either it is a maturity thing (my toy car, my rules) or he (sub)conciously diverts attention from the fact he dont know what to.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

If you don't like the lag on PbP (which can get pretty bad) you can always play over Skype or the like. There's some things that are set up for that, but Skype is the easiest IMHO to just get into and use, especially if you don't care about battlemats.

[Pronounceable]

Now for the true reason I'm posting the new DM my group has adopted is for lack of a better word, terrible. He lacks focus and is too easy on the players. He once let our Dwaven Barbarian change classes completely mid-dungeon. Not to mention he uses plot devices to keep characters alive as soon as they are about to die. If we don't make choices EXACTLY the way he wants us to make them he gets pissy and stops playing. He shows favoritisim to cetain players. And the topper of it all is he procrastinates.

Did you get this guy from the Bad DMs'R Us? This guy seems far too bad to be true, he contains almost the entire list of Bad DMing.

I'd say he's beyond redemption. Some things are inherently unsuitable to some people.

[Icewalker]

pbp can take a long time, but makes for, in my experience, far better games. All of the people I've played with online have been awesome, and almost all of them made characters a step above any others I've seen offline. They are far easier to DM and as such result in better run games. Lots of really great stuff here.

That's all on here, by the way. I'm guessing the same deal applies for pbp as it does for the rest of Gitp, ie, it is several orders of magnitude nicer than the entire rest of internet meeting places, possibly combined.

[Ahiman]

I know exactly how you feel. It can be bad some times, there are really 2 choices. 1) Change him some how (by DMing, telling him est.) or 2) change groups, take as many as you can and look for someone better, they are there, just stealthy little buggers.

I wish you the best of luck and be creative and open minded, it helps.

[PnP Fan]

First off, I'll say I agree with you, your DM isn't particularly good. One way to fix this is to talk to him. Some of his behavior you can fix. Someo fo it you can't.

If he's being too easy on you, comment on it during the game. "well that was easy!" etc. . . He might step up the encounters. He might not. If he doesn't take the hint, then talk to him directly. You might even talk to the other players. They may feel the same way, or they may not. The key to talking directly to him though, is you need to be respectful. If you tell him "your game sucks!" that's an attack, and he'll retaliate, or leave. Since he seems to be the only volunteer GM inthe bunch, that's probably not desireable.

Keep in mind, he may also come from a slightly different school of gamer. I know folks I've gamed with in the past get upset when their characters die. It's weird, I know, but it happens. If he's had to deal with that alot, he may be carrying that over to your group. He may also place a heavier emphasis on story than on game. Hard to say.

As far as class changes and whatnot, I typically give my players a session or two to kind of feel their character out. If there's something that doesn't seem to work right, then I let them make changes. Usually not entire class /build changes (though I have used plot elements to allow a character to completely change classes). If the point is to have fun, and your dwarf player isn't having fun, I see nothing wrong with a change, as long as it can be explained "in game" why your barbarian can suddenlty cast spells.

Procrastinates? Don't let him. When he starts, give him a moment, he may just be thinking. After a moment or two, ask him what's going on. Don't be rude, but push him a little bit to give you the information you need. Again, if he's highly story focused, he may have some convoluted stuff going on that he has to consider. Or he might just procrastinate.

Favoritism? Whining? No clue. If his g/f or wife is playing, and she gets special treatment. .. .just get used to it. There's nothing that will change that. I play with married couples all the time, the spouse always gets treated a little more leniently. It's all about keeping peace in the household. Learn to live with it. Whining. . . that's . . . yeah I have no idea. Make a joke? lighten the mood? Ask him why he's making a big deal out of a simple decision? He may just be inexperienced at "off the cuff" GMing. I have a friend like this. He requires at least a month's notice to prepare a single game session (8 hours of game time). If that's the case, he may feel pressured and not know what to do. Ask him if he needs a few minutes to think about what's happening. And give it to him.

There is also the lead by example method, of course.

Either way, you've got your work cut out for you. Good luck!

[PnP Fan]

Oh, I almost forgot. Don't work on everything at once. He'll feel like it's a series of personal attacks. One or two things at a time until you see consistent behaviour. Like training a dog.

[Lucyfur]

Print out the Guide to being a good DM and give it to him.

Just say. "Hey dude. Do you mind if I give you a bit of constructive criticism?" And give that to him.

In game you can try the passive aggressive thing like saying. "I don't know man, is it just me or were you (going a little easy on us) (favoring a player) (railroading us)."

The trick is to point out that something is wrong without being aggressive about it. Assertive is the key, but being aggressive is never a good idea. There's a huge and important difference between being assertive and aggressive.

As long as your friendly about it and not too confrontational, having a talk with your DM can be easy and rewarding. Unless your DM is a stupid jerk, then it's a hopeless situation.

[DeathQuaker]

Ask if you can DM for a while, and teach by example.

No. No no no no no. I'm sorry, but no. Sounds like he's already a little insecure; offering to do this even if you word it as diplomatically as possible, he's going to feel like you're trying to one-up him. And, maybe, you might be, but if he's feeling bad or competitive about it, he isn't going to learn the lesson he needs to, because he's going to be on the defensive.

And if not, well, just talk to him about it. I mean, if he's a friend, he should be able to take some constructive criticism. Just don't be a jerk about it.

This should be the first and primary thing The Fighter should be doing. The only way to fix this problem is to directly to the source and address it. Most people are not telepathic. He is not going to realize people aren't having any fun unless someone says, "Dude, we're not having any fun."

Of course, you can do this tactfully. Always start with the positive (to keep the listener upbeat, then go to the negative in a non-accusatory tone to keep him from going on the defensive). Something like, "Hey, thanks for GMing this campaign. I know it's really hard to prepare stuff like this, and I thought the fight with x was cool. I wanted you to know though, that I'm used to GMs that are willing to give us some more free will than this. I was really frustrated because you wouldn't let me do x, when it made total sense. And this is happening a lot, man. If you're having trouble with alternative solutions on the fly, I can help you out. My favorite GM did stuff like this, and this is what he did...."

And so on.

If you do your best to communicate with the GM in a friendly but diplomatically critical way, and he responds like a complete jerk--then you know what? He's a complete jerk.

Then this is what you do: leave the game, and start your own, without him.

There are more gamers in the world than sometimes we think, and there's no reason to put up with a complete twit when you can find good people to play with instead.

[AKA_Bait]

Print out the Guide to being a good DM and give it to him.

Just say. "Hey dude. Do you mind if I give you a bit of constructive criticism?" And give that to him.

Although I'm flattered, just handing him a copy of my guide and saying "Read!" could be taken the wrong way and cause some of the problems that DeathQuaker rightly pointed out might happen if you offered to take over. I'm not saying it wouldn't be helpful if he read it, but an approach like "hey check out this thing I found online" might come across better.

In the end, as many above me have said, talk to him. He probably has a different idea of what is expected of him as a DM than you. I'll venture a guess and say he thinks his job is to provide a story, much like a computer rpg, that you folks play through and that you don't want your characters to be in danger. Because he's new, when things start slipping out of that, he doesn't know what to do and gets defensive, because he doesn't want to be seen as a bad DM and hasn't yet learned the various survival mechanisms for when the unexpected happens in game.

So, bearing that in mind, approach him in a nonconfrontational way and talk about dimensions of the game you would like to see. Phrases like "More character driven plot" are better than "less railroading" for this sort of thing.

Of course, if he reacts like a jerk... follow DeathQuakers advice and stop playing. Presumably this fellow is your friend. Few things ruin a friendship like feeling compelled to do things with a person that tick you off. If so, leave and be nice about it, it's not worth it.

Also, I hope the comment about getting a kick in the crotch for being a nerd in your area is hyperbole. If not, seriously join a Dojo or something. Just because you know who Pun-pun is does not mean you shouldn't also be able to break your foot off in someone's behind if they wanna throw down.

[Tsotha-lanti]

My advice on this situation is always thus: Tell him why he's being a bad DM, and if he doesn't change then get a new one or drop his game. With D&D you're supposed to have fun, and when you stop having fun there needs to be a change of DMs.

The only reasonable option, as always. When there are OOC problems, players - regardless of their age - need to be adult enough to talk about them and resolve them. RPGs are a social activity and require that much maturity.

If the DM isn't interested in reacting to player feedback, the role of DM needs to be passed to someone else; hopefully amicably, so the old DM can just be a player.

[RTGoodman]

No. No no no no no. I'm sorry, but no. Sounds like he's already a little insecure; offering to do this even if you word it as diplomatically as possible, he's going to feel like you're trying to one-up him. And, maybe, you might be, but if he's feeling bad or competitive about it, he isn't going to learn the lesson he needs to, because he's going to be on the defensive.

I'm not talking about staging a coup and taking over; I just meant start another game with him in it so he can see how others DM. The way I read it, he's more inexperienced than anything (though there may be some insecurity). We regularly have two different DMs, alternating campaigns each week. I mean, if everyone likes to play, are they really gonna be mad if you suggest playing two games?

Just talking to him, of course, isn't ever a bad idea.

[SCPRedMage]

If you don't like the lag on PbP (which can get pretty bad) you can always play over Skype or the like. There's some things that are set up for that, but Skype is the easiest IMHO to just get into and use, especially if you don't care about battlemats.

For something like that, I'd suggest a combination of VC software like Skype, Ventrillo, or Teamspeak, and something like OpenRPG. Even if you don't use the "gametable" type of stuff, it'll still let you pass ninja-notes to the DM, have a copy of your character sheet available for you AND your DM to look at (so you both are on the same page), and even includes a dice roller to prevent people from lying about their rolls...

[Starbuck_II]

He once let our Dwaven Barbarian change classes completely mid-dungeon.

I think you are a little prissy (for lack of a better word) on him here.
Why is letting him change classes bad?
For Clarification:
Do youi mean make a new character or multiclass?

PHB 2 allows retraining. Nothing wrong with it happening in a dungeon if character sucks.

The rest of your issues are good concerns: I hope you best of luck.

[The Fighter]

I think you are a little prissy (for lack of a better word) on him here.
Why is letting him change classes bad?
For Clarification:
Do youi mean make a new character or multiclass?

PHB 2 allows retraining. Nothing wrong with it happening in a dungeon if character sucks.

The rest of your issues are good concerns: I hope you best of luck.

I understand letting a character change classes if he doesn't like it but at the time we were lvl 7 and had been playing for a while and it just kinda threw a wrench into things. It was right after a battle and our Dwarf magically turned into a gnome bard some how and we had to take time out for him to make the new character and as a result the DM lost interest and started fooling around on the internet.

[The Fighter]

I'd like to add that this is a good guy and as a player he's the tops. When he's actually in the party hes attentive a good problem solver and a great role player
but when he gets the DM's guide in his hands he becomes a completely different person.

[Starbuck_II]

I understand letting a character change classes if he doesn't like it but at the time we were lvl 7 and had been playing for a while and it just kinda threw a wrench into things. It was right after a battle and our Dwarf magically turned into a gnome bard some how and we had to take time out for him to make the new character and as a result the DM lost interest and started fooling around on the internet.

You didn't mention he changed race... But hey you just explained it: Magic!
Yes, that is magical (magic).

Did the player suck as a dwarf (uneffective characters can suck) or just unhappy with choice? Why did he want a Bard?

Did you roleplay it out?
Dwarf: "Ahhh"
Rest of Party, " What?"
Dwarf, " Ach, something feels strange within me... I feel shorter...when did 'ou guys get 'o much talla'?" (he went small size)
Party: Whoa, guys he might have been cursed!
Gnome/Dwarf: I feel different. But ... I remember ancient Dwarven magic rituals... I think i might stand back and cast a little in next couple battles. At least, till I get hang of this happenstance, 'Kay.
Party: Sure.

[The Fighter]

You didn't mention he changed race... But hey you just explained it: Magic!
Yes, that is a magical (magic).

Did the player suck as a dwarf (uneffective characters can suck) or just unhappy with choice? Why did he want a Bard?

No he was good as a dwarf but we had two many martial classes so he wantes to try out bard problem is our DM makes dungeons strictly combat oriented and shortly after making the bard and after he ignored spells that didn't do damage and the fact that bards are skill based he decided to go back to the dwarf

[TheCleric]

Hey listen, somehow it's starting to seem like such a deep issue involving each person's inner psychi, insecurity, or soon their philosophical point of view on life. I think I read earlier someone pointing out "Hey he's just bad at it." And I agree, I think it's simply that, from knowing him personally he's got no trauma involved with a bad roll of the dice in childhood or some other comical predicament where DnD could be used to relate it to this conversation.
Let's get him to play with Shon DM-ing, I've seen him play once as a Barbarian and he got killed by a Bard, maybe he needs more in game experience to be a better DM.
And I was a Half Elf Bard, not Gnome.

[skywalker]

I don't know for sure, but I'd be willing to bet there are stores in the Wilmington area, in Boone or somewhere else in the mountains, and probably some spread throughout the rest of the state (though they're probably few and far between).

There is nothing in Boone besides a hippie university with a kickass football team(I know, bizarre, right?) and the requisite drinking, whoring, and eating establishments of said team and university.


Clearly this was all meant as a joke, you live in NC, I have never been to Boone, and my knowledge of it comes solely from my hippie friends who go to ASU.

I recommend trying to follow along with what he wants you to do for a little while. I had a DM who is almost exactly as you describe, hard to deal with, the whole bit, and when we relaxed and started letting him railroad us a little bit, he revealed himself as, first off, very generous with exactly the magic items we wanted, and second, a great storyteller with an EPIC for us to take part in.

Just my two cents, tho.

[The Fighter]

Hey listen, somehow it's starting to seem like such a deep issue involving each person's inner psychi, insecurity, or soon their philosophical point of view on life. I think I read earlier someone pointing out "Hey he's just bad at it." And I agree, I think it's simply that, from knowing him personally he's got no trauma involved with a bad roll of the dice in childhood or some other comical predicament where DnD could be used to relate it to this conversation.
Let's get him to play with Shon DM-ing, I've seen him play once as a Barbarian and he got killed by a Bard, maybe he needs more in game experience to be a better DM.
And I was a Half Elf Bard, not Gnome.

You were so a Gnome you silly little Fur ball