Things Your DM Won't Let You Do(But Should Have)

[FlyMolo]

Just like the title says. They don't even have to be true. The best custom magic items you ever dreamed up in the armpit of a bad night. The best ways to level a whole city with only a few hundred gp and a cooperative artificer.

The best things you've ever built with physics. Airship balloons made of Walls of Force and emptied into a vacuum on the inside. Decanters of endless Water+Permanencied Wall of fire and a big tube= steam engine.

The time you managed to get a single wight/shadow/vampire under your control, and then overran a whole country. Delayed Blast Fireball and Time Stop used as a tool for assassinating people. DBF and Quintessence, for a nuke.

Things any sane DM wouldn't have let you do, despite how awesome they would have been.

My personal favorite is the city-leveling Airship and Spell-Storing Tiny arrows combo. Put shatter in them, fly up high and let fly. One Time Use items of Earthquake make great bunkerbusters.

Go on, run wild.

[drengnikrafe]

Hey, DM, I have an idea.
It's a staff, and all you have to do is make a DC 15+Spell Level+Casters KAM Reflex save, then a Spellcraft check DC 10+Spell Level, and you catch and return any spell fired at you! I tried to design it so that someone about level... 4ish should be able to use it (My friend wanted one for our low level campaign). It's a Staff of Return Spell!

Didn't fly.

[Jack Zander]

I tried to use my tower sheild as full-cover, then hide behind it, and then claim that it was also hidden since it was my equipment.


Didn't work...

[SilentNight]

The first time our group got the psionics handbook we somehow over-looked the maximum power points equal to manifester level rule. I put all my power points into a single energy ball and killed about fourty of the fifty drow we were facing. The DM then said that the energy ball caused the cavern to collapse, kiling the rest. Now that same DM has a ban on psionics.

[FinalJustice]

An adamantine ship with overland flight and stuff to boost flying speed permanently, controllable with move actions like a Flying Carpet.

For weaponry, permanent gate with suicidal balors. Nothing screams more awesome then firing kamikaze fire demon lords that Death Throes on impact. Some cyclonic blast cannons would be nice too. Oh, and counter measures to dispels, we do not want those balors going uncontrolled, do we?

Built in greater invisibility and zone of silence, for the obvious stealth purposes and some heroes feast daily for the crew.

Maybe some one use Locate City Bomb nukes, just for the case.

...What?

[DrowVampyre]

I used to keep a few slots open with my wizard every day, and if at the end of the day I hadn't used them, I'd prep Explosive Runes and cast it on a page in a book I carried in my haversack. Never ended up having to use it, but by the end of the campaign I had at lest a hundred or so of the runes in there...it was my mininuke ace in the hole. ^_^

[Reinboom]

Something that -ALMOST- didn't fly with my DM.

I was playing a Sorcerer / Fiend of Possession, with Leadership. (I was broken..)
My Cohort was a Barbarian with fast healing and an insane amount of Con and DR, I called him 'Kowy'.

A legion (yes, legion) of red dragons invaded the town the party was based in. When we struggled to drop in to the center of it, I did a bit of recon to find the lords, and then I had a plan in order to end it.
"I possess Kowy's axe, then I order Kowy to run straight in to the main red dragon general at the north part of the city."
DM: "Uh, no. Kowy refuses, why would he do something like that?"
Me: "Hm... because... *looks over his character sheet*.. Ah! I'm his god!"
DM: "*checks character sheet*... well, can't argue with that. He does so."

When trying to think of his patron deity when I first got him, I wrote my other character down as a joke while I tried to think of something to put there. I forgot to change it.



For something I was actually turned down on.
A repeating magical trap built in to a gauntlet with the trigger of 'when I open my hand', and the reset switch of 'when I close my hand'. The first spell idea in it was for antimagic field. He turned down everything I suggested beyond that, however.

[Mad Wizard]

An adamantine ship with overland flight and stuff to boost flying speed permanently, controllable with move actions like a Flying Carpet.

For weaponry, permanent gate with suicidal balors. Nothing screams more awesome then firing kamikaze fire demon lords that Death Throes on impact. Some cyclonic blast cannons would be nice too. Oh, and counter measures to dispels, we do not want those balors going uncontrolled, do we?

Built in greater invisibility and zone of silence, for the obvious stealth purposes and some heroes feast daily for the crew.

Maybe some one use Locate City Bomb nukes, just for the case.

...What?

Heh. This reminds me of the flying fortress me and my friend designed once... basically just a flying cube covered in spell turrets (DMG2) and dancing ballistas. It also had "traps" that went off whenever the cube was damaged that cast make whole on it, and "shields" made from a widened telekinetic sphere cast by an extremely high level caster.

[Emperor Tippy]

Heh. This reminds me of the flying fortress me and my friend designed once... basically just a flying cube covered in spell turrets (DMG2) and dancing ballistas. It also had "traps" that went off whenever the cube was damaged that cast make whole on it, and "shields" made from a widened telekinetic sphere cast by an extremely high level caster.

Based on the Stronghold Builders Guide death ships cost about 260K each.

[Ascension]

Heh. This reminds me of the flying fortress me and my friend designed once... basically just a flying cube covered in spell turrets (DMG2) and dancing ballistas. It also had "traps" that went off whenever the cube was damaged that cast make whole on it, and "shields" made from a widened telekinetic sphere cast by an extremely high level caster.

So basically a borg cube?

Let me guess, it's crewed by a group of half-golem artificers who capture the best and the brightest from across the planes in order to assimilate them into their sinister crew...

[Sstoopidtallkid]

...half-golem...

Schwa? Please tell me that that's not actually a template. I don't want to consider how it came about. I'd have just called 'em Warforged.

[Ascension]

Schwa? Please tell me that that's not actually a template. I don't want to consider how it came about. I'd have just called 'em Warforged.

Yep, it is. I picked it for the fantasy borg because the golem parts are grafted on, making it simple to become a half-golem, while it's rather difficult to become a warforged.

IIRC it's in MM2, so it's 3.0, but not hard to convert. Also I think you have to make a will save when you get the parts grafted onto you to resist going crazy, or something like that.

[monty]

Schwa? Please tell me that that's not actually a template. I don't want to consider how it came about. I'd have just called 'em Warforged.

Book of Templates has a half-creature metatemplate that can be used with golems. Beyond that, though, I don't know if there's anything.

[Collin152]

Schwa? Please tell me that that's not actually a template. I don't want to consider how it came about. I'd have just called 'em Warforged.

Not all half-un's were... spawned... the same way.
Just look at halflings.
And centaurs.

[Reinboom]

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/we/20020803a
Has the "More half golems!" web enhancement for MMII

[Sstoopidtallkid]

Hey, you know as well as I do that Halflings are the result of Elves and Dwarves boinking a thousand years ago. As for Centaurs, well...a Wizard did it.

[Collin152]

As for Centaurs, well...a Wizard did it.

No doubt, only a wizard could get that lonely.

[Ascension]

No doubt, only a wizard could get that lonely.

Wizards and Catherine the Great of Russia, if you believe the rumors.

[Collin152]

Wizards and Catherine the Great of Russia, if you believe the rumors.

That would yield a beast with the lower body of a human, the hed of a horse, and possibly the forelimbs of a horse.
Frighteinng, stupid, and not at all fun to ride on.

[Randel]

DM: No you can't take Divine metamagic and Fell animate at first level in order to start play with an army of zombified sheep.

[expirement10K14]

The DM would not let me gain divine ranks by using my insane diplomacy to gain followers. What a Jerk was he, I had around 3000 (Evangelist with an insane charisma in a metropolis full of godless level 1 commoners )

Edit: Remembered another.
There is a feat somewhere (can't find it now) that allows your to deal one negative level on a target, once per day against a will save. Use this at level one with a 4 wisdom and 18 charisma, and in 1d4 days you are a wight. The DM said no.

[Dode]

Introduce a water pump.

[Bassikpoet]

Step 1: Get turned to stone
Step 2: Use stone shape to enlarge female pectoral area
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit

[Tsotha-lanti]

Make someone unknowingly commit interspecies homosexual necrophilia by having my pixie pale master assume the shape of a human woman and seduce the NPC (with suggestion, so I guess it's also rape and mindrape).

I had perfectly logical reasons to do it!

[Azerian Kelimon]

Casting Magic Missile at the darkness. It gives you c XP.

[loopy]

Permanent ring of glibness. Man that would of been awesome.

[Azerian Kelimon]

"He's a sharp dressed man, easy goin' man..."

[Talic]

10x10 Box in airship. Continuous reset trap, activates 1 round. delay 1 round, resets 1 round. It cycles, once every 3 rounds. Effect: Summon Nature's ally 3, for 1d4+1 Monkeys.

Other part of the trap. Continuous reset trap.

Trigger: Weight on floor.
Effect: Delay 1 round, then open trapdoor in floor. Round 3, reset.

Now, we summon between 2-5 monkeys, one round later drop them out of the box, and reset.

Now make 20 boxes like this. 40-100 monkeys, every 18 seconds, falling out in a delightful rain, hitting the ground, and going back where they came from. Note: for monkeys to impact ground, you must be at an altitude of 900 feet or below (+300 for every caster level you raise the 1st trap effect).

I was hoping that, after a month, every monkey in the world that saw the bottom of the ship as it flew overhead, would run in terror.

[Kesnit]

DM: No you can't take Divine metamagic and Fell animate at first level in order to start play with an army of zombified sheep.

Speaking of Catherine the Great...

[Burley]

I've been trying to think up a way to make the Megazord, with individual zords. My DMs have never once even given me a suggestion... They turn me down as soon as I say: "'Member the Power Rangers? Well, I was thinkin'..."