Good Intro Scene for a Villain?

[Leliel]

Anyway, for 4E D&D, I plan on making a campaign set in a high-magic world turned cyberpunk ecumenopolis. Reverse Shadowrun, in other words.

Anyway, a major in the story is thwarting the intents of the rouge cybernetic super soldiers, the Vulcan Hunters. Like their MGS inspirations, each member is actually introduced long before the fight with them. This here is the intro to one:

In the next room of the Vulcan base, you come across some kind of in-ground water reservoir. On the other side of the pool, you see a squad of the soldiers that were sent in before you (Note by Author: Since the player's mission is secret, they can't make themselves known to the squad). Suddenly, from behind the left wall of the room, you here a scream followed by gunshots and the distinctive sound of bullets hitting metal. The soldiers quickly rush to that sides door, and you quietly follow them.

The new room is a grisly sight. The whole floor is coated in blood and gore, and claw marks dot one of the walls. On the ground lie the several bodies of another squad, some with missing limbs and decapitated. The ones that still have faces have them frozen in an expression of terror. "Damn," says the leader of the still living squad. "They must have just finished Charlie as we reacher the door." Before given a chance to examine their deceased comrades however, they hear footsteps from behind another door, and take cover. Safely behind a barrel, the leader of the troops pokes his head out and shouts. "This is Sergeant Jeremiah Davidson of the Chaebol Security Division! Come out with your hands up!"

Without any attempt at negotiation, in walks the perfect likenesses of the supposedly dead Charlie. "Don't worry kids, we come in pe-Holy sh--!" exclaims the leader as he spots his doppleganger on the ground. "Al?" asks the rightfully suspicious sergeant. "Is that really you?" "Yes it's me! 'The sun is beautiful at sunrise', all that sentimental crap!" "Yep, it's you." replies the sergeant, not even bothering to say the code phrase. "But if you're you, than who's that on the-Oh, f---", a look of horrified realization on his face. "MOVE AWAY FROM THE SOUTH ENTRANCE! IT'S A TRA-JOHNSON!"

At that moment, the eponymous Johnson is seized by a pair of thin metal tentacles thrust through the door. In the other room, you see that they belong to a colossal cyborg, who drags the unfortunate soldier into an evil-looking pair of steel jaws, which close around him to form a makeshift prison. "LET HIM GO, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" shouts the captive's sergeant as the other troops open fire on the metal beast, which doesn't even seem to notice until someone his it with an RPG, and even then, it only leaves a dent in the metal beast's hide. Lazily, it turns it's single eye to the responsible soldier, and sprays a liquid form it, blinding him. It uses the opportunity to release another batch of tentacles from hatches on it's joints, which massacre him and his surrounding friends with newly-revealed blades. Another group of soldiers at temps to get behind it, only to be swept into a group of waiting tentacles by a thick iron tail. Reinforcements, drawn by the sound of the fighting, come in wearing power suits, only to meet their own end at the business end of a railgun mounted on the cyborg's back.

Pretty soon, only Sergeant Davidson remains, caught in a knot of tentacles. The cyborg lifts him to a lid on it's back, which opens to reveal a cockpit, filled with water. Strapped to the underside of the hatch is a dark-haired man, wearing the suit the Vulcans use to control their cybernetic armor. Tattooed on the man's right eye is the Vulcans' logo, so made as to have his own eye as it's centerpiece. The lower half of his face is covered by a scuba mask, but this one isn't for air. Rather, it is actually pumping water into his lungs, which he seems to breathe as easily as oxygen. Your scouters (Author's note: Think the DBZ gadget, if it told you more than someone's power level) recognize the Hunter, and his title and codename flash on your monocle:

Amphibian Trapper
LONE CROCODILE

"A pity..." sighs the Vulcan though his mask as he holds out an open palm. "And I had just made your acquaintance." With those words, he quickly curls his hand and arm, and the tentacles respond, snapping the sergeant's spine in two. Unfazed, Crocodile activates a radio set in his hatch. "...HQ? Yes, I have the prisoner you requested. He is not of very high rank, but knowing his employers, I suspect he will know the numbers and general location of his comrades. He may also give us info about the Ronin (Author's Note: That's slang for the PC's organization) in the base, and any abilities they might have. I'm taking him to the drop-off point. Lone, signing off." With that done, he closes his armor's hatch, and inflates an air sack in his jaws. Turning to face the pool, he gracefully dives into a hidden hatch, disappearing into the depths.

So, do you think that this is a good, badass intro to a good, badass villain?

And before you tell me: Yes, Crocodile's armor doesn't count as a cyborg-it doesn't have any living components other than a pilot-but it's called that anyway because in the story since people bound to power armor like that lose the ability to survive long outside of it, like an actual cyborg with an artificial heart.

[Leliel]

Bump for comments.

[Occasional Sage]

If the players can't do anything through this, it strikes me as very long.

You've certainly made it seem imposing and dangerous, but not frightening; were I a player in this game, my newly-introduced nemesis would fail to impress me. All I'm doing is crunching numbers in my head on how to beat a big metal killing machine. There needs to be a psychological element that gets under the players' collective skin. Give them a reason to have nightmares about the villain, not just a reason to look for bigger guns.

[Leliel]

If the players can't do anything through this, it strikes me as very long.

You've certainly made it seem imposing and dangerous, but not frightening; were I a player in this game, my newly-introduced nemesis would fail to impress me. All I'm doing is crunching numbers in my head on how to beat a big metal killing machine. There needs to be a psychological element that gets under the players' collective skin. Give them a reason to have nightmares about the villain, not just a reason to look for bigger guns.

Hey, he was inspired by Metal Gear Solid.

Of course he's going to have long cutscenes!

On a more serious note, thinking "big metal monster" is kind of the point; As with FOXHOUND and their ilk, part of the point of the Vulcans is that underneath all that armor they wear, behind the artifical couture of a mechnical monster, lies a tormented, very much human, soldier. There's a reason for introducing them long before the actual fight with them-it's called character development.

I. for one, cannot wait to see the player's faces when they see the big bad pseudo-robot risking his life to save a child.

[Worira]

Yeah, your biggest problem here is that you have players, and they're going to try to do something. This would make a great video game cutscene, but unless all your players' characters are paralyzed, they're going to interfere.

[puppyavenger]

Yeah, your biggest problem here is that you have players, and they're going to try to do something. This would make a great video game cutscene, but unless all your players' characters are paralyzed, they're going to interfere.

well, paralyzed or cowardly, I've played with a sorcerer who paid for an at will item of hold person.

[Leliel]

OK.

How do I make it so the players don't leap on me for taking control away from them for a few minutes?

Note: I play online mostly, so it should be noted that this intro is all one big post on a game thread. This question is for what to do in a live game.

[Revanmal]

If you can put some form of obstacle in their way, the players may hesitate to go after something that should feel obviously much more powerful than them. A gap that may be too wide to jump or some such thing. Even a simple flimsy barrier can prove an effective impediment to lazy people. :P

[LatemYvaeh]

Put the players in a hall above with a glasssteel wall to where they can see the action but know that by the time they get to the entrance it would be too late to interact with the scene. That would allow them the freedom to run along the hall witness the scene then make their entrance to the room just as the villian departs with hostage in tow.