The Many Weapons of the Monk

[The Glyphstone]

Monk proponents, go away. Likewise for monk detractors. This is a tangent thread spawned by a rather odd discussion in This thread, focused on a single topic.

Monks, as written, can attack with any part of their body. Any part.
For that matter, a monk who takes Drunken Master (freaking awesome PrC, btw) can attack with any part of anything. At all.

So, what's the weirdest/coolest/most unusual way you have seen, or want to see, a monk fight? Me, I'd like to play a severely obese adventurer (he doesn't wear armor because it would bankrupt him to have a suit crafted big enough) who smacks enemies around with his massive belly fat sumo-style.

[AstralFire]

Please add another line to your warning:

"Ye of queasy stomach, go away."

[Sstoopidtallkid]

Drunken Master who dual-wields a Halfling and a Gnome. They'd normally have epic minuses to-hit, but people so want to see them hit, they stand there and take the blows.

[Ent]

This just reminds me of the Stump Knife (from somewhere in 3.0): "You cannot be disarmed of your Stump Knife."

[Stupendous_Man]

Perhaps we could take inspiration from Brock Sampson's fight with the Phantom Space Man?

[Ascension]

Priapus.

With monk levels.

Someone had to say it.

[TheThan]

Drunken Master who dual-wields a Halfling and a Gnome. They'd normally have epic minuses to-hit, but people so want to see them hit, they stand there and take the blows.

make it two gnomes tied together at the feet and you have Gnomechucks.

[Zeful]

Monk proponents, go away. Likewise for monk detractors. This is a tangent thread spawned by a rather odd discussion in This thread, focused on a single topic.

Monks, as written, can attack with any part of their body. Any part.
For that matter, a monk who takes Drunken Master (freaking awesome PrC, btw) can attack with any part of anything. At all.

So, what's the weirdest/coolest/most unusual way you have seen, or want to see, a monk fight? Me, I'd like to play a severely obese adventurer (he doesn't wear armor because it would bankrupt him to have a suit crafted big enough) who smacks enemies around with his massive belly fat sumo-style.

The one I have to mention would be Fistbeard Beardfist. He performs attacks with his fist-shaped beard. It was on the forums and I still smile thinking about it.

EDIT: Ninja'd with a link.

[playswithfire]

I remember hearing something about a dwarf monk named Fistbeard the Beardfist who sculpted his beard into a fist shape and attacked enemies with it. EDIT: OK, so it was someone's idea rather than an actual character; still a good idea; also ninja'd

Another was in a story that involved the villain interrogating the PCs, leaning in close to the monk who rolls a crit with an attack made by blowing his hair at the villain.

Less ludicrous, I'd just enjoy a Drunken Master using chopsticks (anyone else remember Surf Ninjas?)

[MeklorIlavator]

Never tried this, but use monk with the Kensia PrC, that allows one to enchant one's "signature weapon", including natural weapons. So now you can use any weapon enhancement. Now, do one of the following:

1: Enchant your fists with the Throwing, Flaming, and Returning special abilities. ROCKET PUNCH!!!

2: Enchant your head with the I]Throwing[/I] and Returning special abilities. Bonus points if you get a Hat of Disguise and ride around on a Black Horse.

What could be even funnier is leaving out the returning part. Throw your hands(or head) and then go over and pick it up.

Also, does anyone know it the Versatile weapon special ability requires any particular weapon as the base weapon, as that could be a fun one. Or the Metalline one.

[Stupendous_Man]

Natural weapon enhancement, eh?

[streakster]

Morphing is always a fun one, as well...

[Sstoopidtallkid]

Metalline ain't bad for that, either.

[Tokiko Mima]

Or Sizing. You might need Ancestral Weapon (censored) to add a property with a gp value, though.

[Eldariel]

Colossal pelvic thrusts?

[Stupendous_Man]

Colossal pelvic thrusts?

Garunteed to drive the enemy insa-a-a-a-ane.

Could be combined with Perform: Pole dancing for tons of fun.

[Oracle_Hunter]

Or Sizing. You might need Ancestral Weapon (censored) to add a property with a gp value, though.

Jeez, that gives the term "the family jewels" a whole new meaning

[Flickerdart]

I don't think you can make natural weapons Throwing, since they'll be still attached to you. So you can fly around with your fists if you do this.

There's a feat in Savage Species which lets regenerating monsters rip off limbs and throw them, but it sucks.

[Eldariel]

Garunteed to drive the enemy insa-a-a-a-ane.

Could be combined with Perform: Pole dancing for tons of fun.

"Sizing: You'll knock their brains out!"

[monty]

Didn't Kung Pow use the first idea?

For the second, I wonder if it'd be possible to make a Drunken Master/Bloodstorm Blade who can literally Throw Anything.

Gnome: All our weapons are gone!
DM/BB: No they aren't! *grab*

Hmm...would you get skirmish damage if you threw a Scout more than 10 feet?

[jcsw]

Commoner 1/Monk X/Drunken Master for epic chicken fighting.

[chiasaur11]

I think THIS may be relevant to the subject at hand, gentlemen.

[Ascension]

Colossal pelvic thrusts?

Hoooooooooooooooo~!

[mabriss lethe]

had a monk who got his hand chopped off in a fight. He got revenge on the poor fool by beating him to death with his bloody stump.

[Thurbane]

Dwarf monk who specializes in the "Glasgow Kiss" (i.e. headbutt).

[AslanCross]

...I think I remember seeing a thread that had a guy swinging an intestine around. Of course it wasn't his own, but it was one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen.

[Ganurath]

Monks: Redefining Kiss of Death since 3.0.

[Bayar]

Using 2 cats to beat the crap out of people. And the cats should deal slashing damage rather than bludgeoning...

[bosssmiley]

Priapus.
With monk levels.
Someone had to say it.

And now I must excise my imagination with a soup spoon...

[Person_Man]

A Drunken Master who kills a ninja and a pirate while in a bar fight, and then proceeds to use the ninja and pirate bodies as weapons.