1001 Hilarious Moments in D&D.

[Leliel]

As the title would suggest, this a thread about those moments in D&D that make you bend over laughing.

My own, in exact quotation:

"Math (my warlock) returns to normal, and walks behind Tyrin (our ranger), and decides to wake the gnoll in a quick and easy fashion: Hitting the whelp between the legs with a rock.

Admittedly, not the best fashion, but the most satisfying one."

[Calinero]

Moment 2: My friend and I are attacking a giant zombie chef (long story), who is all big and bloated. My friend tries to set him on fire with his pyrokinesis. Turns out, the thing was filled with methane gas...he lit the thing on fire. Giant zombie bomb. It was awesome.

[Doresain]

the group is in a lizardman infested swamp...the dwarves of the party come up with an idea to kill said lizardmen...one climbs on top of the other's shoulders and farts as the other holds a torch to his rear...it ignites the swamp gas and obliterates everything as we jump under the murky water...

why the torch didnt set it off in the first place i dont know, but who needs logic in a game with that has giant flying lizards and magical fire balls?

[cloneof]

{Scrubbed}

[TheCountAlucard]

Okay, just got through with a session, and it seems that all of my wizard's spells were used to comedic effect.

1) Invasion of orcs in the town...

Me: I Enlarge the Druid!
Druid: I Shillelagh my club!
Bard: I take cover between the Druid's legs and shoot the orcs with my crossbow!

2) More orcs, on the other side of a wall of darkness...

Me: I Ghost Sound the door, making it sound like the Cleric, shouting insults.
DM: It gets shot with about sixty arrows, and two Fireballs.

3) Offensive on these orcs, after circling around while the orcs are distracted with my insulting door...

Me: I Grease the floor!
Rogue: I begin skating and double-shanking the orcs in the kidneys!

4) Later on in the attack...

Me: I Enlarge the Cleric!
Druid: I ride on his back!

[HOHOHAHAHEEHEE]

So myself(dwarf barbarian) and my companions had just killed a small dragon and looted to oodles upon oodles of treasure. But since it was a dragon, we were pretty beat up. So our DM tells us that we come to a glowing blue tree with a celestial viper crawling around on it. We all touch it and are magically healed! In my vast stupidity I decide to try to cut it down. Long story short we ended up with about -8-9 hit points and all gold melted.

[Dhavaer]

When the Kender jumped up on the evil temple's dark altar, raised the magical ring to the sky and yelled:

"BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!"

And then he was struck by lightning and the ring ate his soul.

[Kobold-Bard]

D20 Modern Zombies with some Urban Arcana thrown in.

Me: Hugh Mungus (fake name), bloody big guy who fights with a ripped off car bumper.

Other Player: Steve Something-Or-Other, midget former paranormal investigator with moderate magical abilities and a nail gun.

Large overpowered zombie leader moving towards us with annoyingly high Defence. Our attacks are being pretty crap.

As a last ditch attempt I grapple Steve the midget and toss him at the zombie. While technically against his wishes he reacts quickly and the DM lets him try to nail the thing to the floor with his nail gun, a successful attack roll will tack one of its feet to the floor.

He rolls a natural 20, and confirms the critical with a 19. Next thing we know the zombie that has been causing us chaos is pinned to the floor by both feet, unable to move, when our resident gun-nut walks up behind it and pulls out a magically enhanced machine gun with an ammo capacity of 1000 bullets and lets rip into its skull from an inch away. The enthusiasm our DM had for his description of the subsequent gore will stay with me for some time.

[Mina Kobold]

some guy stole our money and ran into a tavernn our evil wizard run in after him and blows the tavernn to oblivion and further (that kind of thing happeed fairly often)

[kbk]

A player was playing a 2 headed silver dragon hatchling.

In a dungeon we came across a large pool of clear liquid. The dragon said "Okay, I'll swim across." He used his alternate form and jumped into the water as a shark. The dragon took a couple deep breaths of water, choked and immediately suffocated.

As it turned out, the pool of water was really a pool of acid. Now, silver dragons are immune to acid so the dragon just assumed it was water.

That day we learned the valuable lesson: "Sharks can't breathe water"

[Drascin]

Last session, the warblade tried to enter a house by breaking through the window full force.

The room he chose happened to be the alchemist's lab. The "Oh, ****" look was priceless as he crashed facefirst into a decanter full of alchemist's fire

[Ravens_cry]

We have crazy, perfume drinking (that is another story) dwarf in our party. I play a half-orc cleric and I am more subtle then him. We are trying to take down the baddies as. . .efficiently as possible. So the soorcerer uses wand of Enlarge on him, and I cast Silence.
We now have the worlds biggest, quietest dwarf in the universe.

[wadledo]

When the Kender jumped up on the evil temple's dark altar, raised the magical ring to the sky and yelled:

"BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!"

And then he was struck by lightning and the ring ate his soul.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Funniest thing ever.

[TheCountAlucard]

Funniest thing ever.

...Still, couldn't you have found a way to post your humor at the situation with something other than a wall of text? I'm sure that even the fairly-dreaded "lol" would even be acceptable in this situation, compared to that monstrosity...

[ocato]

...Still, couldn't you have found a way to post your humor at the situation with something other than a wall of text? I'm sure that even the fairly-dreaded "lol" would even be acceptable in this situation, compared to that monstrosity...

Hyperbole seems unfitting. Omegabole? (oh-mah-gabo-lee)

[OracleofWuffing]

There's a bit of backstory here... The encounter didn't go as I had intended to, so there weren't magical rubber balls going everywhere, but I had placed normal rubber balls in specific locations- like the second step of a staircase- to annoy my players and sort of foreshadow.

Paladin: Ah, so you're... Whipsmart McCoy, I presume?
BBNG: The one and only. I presume you've heard tales of my heroics?
Monk: I believe this belongs to you. *Hands over said rubber ball*
BBNG: Oh, I see you've already been introduced to my balls.

That line was less funny in practice than my party made it out to be.

[Nahal]

Just prior to attempting to fight through an army (literally) in order to recover an artifact we needed to fix the universe because we had broken it earlier.


Wizard (me): Okay, what's the plan?
Ranger: There's a plan?
Wizard: ... First time for everything.

[KazilDarkeye]

My old standby:

My group was trekking through Yuan-Ti Forest and had split into 2 parties. This story consists of one party:
NPC: Human (Archery) Ranger
My Friend: Duergar Barbarian
My Sister: Aasimar Bard.

They were walking along when they heard two voices calling out to them

Yuan-Ti: Tresspasserssssss will be killed...
Bard: Hey, they are about 180 f.t away, right?
Me (DM): Yeah, about.
Bard: So we can do stuff before they get here?
Me: Yeah, you could hide.
Barbarian: Not a bad idea.
Bard: I'm gonna cast some spells.
Me: Sure
Bard: First I'll cast Light on my headband.
Me: Right...
Bard: Next I'll cast Summon Monster to summon a Celestial Owl, and cast Light on it as well.
Me: Right....
Bard: I'll tell it to hold on to my back.
Me:O.K.....
Bard: Now I'm gonna use Bardic Knowledge. What's the name of a REALLY powerful angel?
Me: I dunno.....Celestius?
Bard: That's a boy's name.
Me: Fine.......Celestia?
Bard: Great. Now Bluff check (natural 20)
STOP! I AM CELESTIA!

.................................................. ...................................

<Yuan-Ti start bowing>

[Staven]

The group is playing football with a team comprised of opposites of them (long story). My character is a hateful elf ranger who despises all people who are happy (essentially, the entire enemy team).

Tobias (me): Before the game started, I wanted to wish you guys good luck. Here's a scroll I was given, but you can put it to better use.
Not-Tobias (his opposite): Thanks, friendly opponent! We'll surely beat you! Just kidding, I'm not overconfident! Have a good game!
Tobias: Sure, you too (walks away, snickering. That scroll was a maximized, empowered meteor swarm, and he just activated it).
Not-Tobias: Hey, team! Look what the QB from our opponent's side so graciously *BOOM*

Tobias walks away akin to the Joker from the hospital scene in the dark knight.

Only charred corpses remained.

[Nahal]

Reminds me of a Fallout 3 trailer where they demonstrate pickpocketing and the dude plants a live grenade on a Ghoul. Hi-larious.

We had something similar in a homebrew campaign setting, where I had come into possession of some bags of toxic resin that would combust violently when heated. Due to a pair of generous rulings allowing Magic Missile spells to target objects and Scorching ray spells to heat these bags without destroying them, my Wizard basically had a number of especially nasty firebombs whose effects tended to be amplified according to how creatively I employed them.

Fast forward a ways, to where I had basically allowed myself to be lured into an epic BBEG's temple (peacefully, oddly enough. Apparently he just needed to kill me to complete part of an elaborate ritual, at which point I would revive with no loss of health or level). While it initially looked like a pretty decent place, I successfully disbelieved the illusion and realized that this was a temple straight outta Lovecraft.

Once I manage to get the BBEG to tell me his plans for me (and not believing him about the no ill effects bit), I decide I'm going to take the bastards out with me. Discretely arming one of the bomb-bags with a Scorching Ray (don't ask how, GM was feeling generous I guess), I toss it to the BBEG.

"You think to bribe me?" the BBEG asks, equal parts amused and insulted (poor bugger thought it was gold). In response, I poke my head up and use a Magic Missile spell to detonate the bag, then pray my reflex save is good enough to live through the explosion that will occur about 10ft away.

Apparently the creativity bonus on this one was pretty high. The resulting explosion brought the entire structure down around us, killing the BBEG and almost all of his followers. I, meanwhile, pull an Indy-in-the-fridge and suffer no damage by hiding behind the stone altar. The rest of the party sees the explosion from a few blocks away and manages to dig me out, and I get to gloat about bringing down an epic NPC single-handed.