The healing shiv, best story since the head of vecna

[EvilElitest]

Now i'm sure you all know the head of vecna story, where one group of Pcs is able to totally destroy the other by planting a false "head of Vecna" for the second group, who then killed themselves for the power it held.


So i was playing a game, and it was two groups fighting each other. out group was trying to bring a powerful artifact (holy Grail) to our master, while the other one was trying to catch us (technically there were three groups, a third trying to destroy it). Along the way, half of our group is killed, and the survivors knew that they were much weaker than the other group (we were pretty newly made characters). So we are weak, we are out numbered, but we are rich because we were able to loot the high members of our group for cash. One of hte magic items we found was a magic knife our ranger, that he always kept on his person (playing with it, cutting his nails with is, tossing it around). Now the knife was a plus 3 vorpal knife that did triple damage on odd rolls (special effect), which logically nobody would ever be playing with, but the ranger just wasn't very bright (lost a finger once when playing around with it, didn't stop him) group two knew he played with it, and always had it, and determined it must be magically powerful because it was his signature weapon. So we spent all of our cash in order to make it identify as a different weapon, and for some really powerful poison.

After that, (before coating the blade in poison) we "demonstrated" its powers in a city center, where they knew the second group's familiar was watching. First they found an injured man in town (in reality they bribed him before hand, his injury was self inflicted, with an illusion to make it look nastier than it was) and pretended to use the knife to heal his wound (actually he had a ring of regeneration upon him. Before the "ritual" every member of the party cut their hand with the knife before using it.
Then when the second group caught up to us, one of us "accidentally" dropped the knife, (after the knife was poisoned) but made sure we wounded one of them in the process. When the second group identified the knife, it was said to be the "healing Shiv" used to heal folks instead of harming them. In order for it to work, at least six people had to cut their hands with the knife, then the wounded man had to be stabbed as hard as possible. The amount of damage the knife would normally inflict, would instead be healed. So they all cut their hands, then stabbed their wounded fighter, instantly killing him. when they figure out what had happened, they had already accidentally poisoned themselves, so we came back and slaughtered them as they squirmed

Anyways, funny story that
from
EE

[FoE]

You've been reading 8-Bit Theater, I take it?

Pretty good story, all the same.

[chiasaur11]

Needs more Swordchucks.

[Nerd-o-rama]

Needs more Fighterdoken.

[Shovah]

Needs more cowbell.



I mean.. great story. I'm impressed.

[Laurellien]

Congratulations for the guy in the group who came up with that! Well done, you made me sneeze hot chilli couscous through my nose all over my keyboard.

obnoxious
sig

[Zenos]

Good story, funny tactic.

From
Zenos

[cenghiz]

This one's from a RP-enforced MUD, but it's nearly the same as a tabletop game if you think about it. For folks unfamiliar, it's a text-only multiplayer game where several people play different lives simultaneously and the computer rolls the dies for you, except when the game master(s) interfere.

In a Darksun-like environment, I was a powerful stone elementalist in the game. I gained the possession of an artifact metal blade - something that casts 'dispel magic' continuously at the wielder and anything that it strikes. Because of the setting's different magic rules, this item was the ultimate solution to undead and most reenegade mages of the setting and was saught after by the templerate of a city-state. (Templerate=Ruling class in a city state, drawing their magickal power upon the god-king ruler of the state)

When I was 'kindly' asked to hand over the sword, I called one of the game-masters for aid, then:

- I defecated
- I used my whole power for transmute the crap into an identical, magickal metal blade. It was a bad trade-off, I was asked to use a very powerful transmutation component for the spell.
- The spell wasn't permanent, I wanted it to be that way. It would turn back to its original state in short time. I left the sword in a cave nearby the city-state and informed the templerate that I give up and they can have the sword.
- ???
- Sorrily no.. It was not 'Profit!!'.. I got hunted down by a void elementalist - a very powerful elementalist type which has capabilities of anti-magic, teleportation and complete immunity to my own magic for that character's whole life. Still, the joke was worth it.
infectious,
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[EvilElitest]

Congratulations for the guy in the group who came up with that! Well done, you made me sneeze hot chilli couscous through my nose all over my keyboard.

obnoxious
sig

Thanks, that was me, i was reading 8-Bit theater, and i thought to my self "hey, would a healing shiv work?"
Then i figured it would be better as a trap.
I proposed it and me and the rest of the guys used it out of desperation
from
EE

[Lycan 01]

EE, your DM must have one heck of a poker face to sit there and explain how the knife "worked" to the other team.

Great story.

[EvilElitest]

EE, your DM must have one heck of a poker face to sit there and explain how the knife "worked" to the other team.

Great story.

you know, i really would have given so much to be in the room when he told them the story of the "miraculous healing shiv"

the greatest part was when we came back into the room, i heard one of the other players saying "I knew that dagger was special, no wonder they never used it"
from
EE

[Zenos]

Thought for the day: Steal more ideas from 8-bit theater.

from
Zenos.

[EvilElitest]

Thought for the day: Steal more ideas from 8-bit theater.

from
Zenos.

the solution to every problem
from
EE

[ashmanonar]

I'm curious, is the group of people you play with susceptible to this kinda stuff? I know I personally wouldn't trust a "Healing Shiv".

"Here, stab this knife into yourself. It'll magically heal you!"
"...*confused look*"

[Zenos]

It's like Tuckers Kobolds, the players must act at lower than average efficiency for the trap to function.

from
Zenos

[EvilElitest]

I'm curious, is the group of people you play with susceptible to this kinda stuff? I know I personally wouldn't trust a "Healing Shiv".

"Here, stab this knife into yourself. It'll magically heal you!"
"...*confused look*"

well to be fair our groups are use to really bloody weird magical items, so they just figured it was the DM being "creative". I mean, it is kinda cool if it actually did that
from
EE

[PanNarrans]

I once gave a PC a healing shiv that channelled positive energy. If I recall correctly, it dealt d4 damage and healed d6, so it could, in theory, be used to stabilise someone. Riskily.
Of course, at low levels it was handy against undead.

[evisiron]

Note to self: Vorpal Healing Shiv.

It heals Xd10 (X being a sufficiently high number for the level) when used on any none crit roll. However, on that 20 the vorpal rules kick in...

[FMArthur]

Note to self: Vorpal Healing Shiv.

It heals Xd10 (X being a sufficiently high number for the level) when used on any none crit roll. However, on that 20 the vorpal rules kick in...

This is possibly the greatest idea ever... from a cruel DM's standpoint. But that's me anyway.

[vicente408]

Wait, so the Vorpal Healing Shiv doesn't re-capitate someone?

[Andras]

Note to self: Vorpal Healing Shiv.

It heals Xd10 (X being a sufficiently high number for the level) when used on any none crit roll. However, on that 20 the vorpal rules kick in...

Oh wow.

I am so using that.

[EvilElitest]

Note to self: Vorpal Healing Shiv.

It heals Xd10 (X being a sufficiently high number for the level) when used on any none crit roll. However, on that 20 the vorpal rules kick in...

the cruel cruel irony
from
EE

[Irreverent Fool]

Great story. It must be stolen. In my defense...

In the days before 8-bit theater and before the internet was an easy place to get to, in a dusty old 2nd-edition game I was DMing, in the bowels of a ruin that once belonged to a horrible king, within the confines of an old torture chamber, the characters found a dagger of healing.

"It identifies as what?"

Eventually they learned that the dagger would deal 1d4+1 damage and then heal 1d4+1 damage. Thus, it could potentially heal the target of 3 damage. It could also potentially deal 3 damage. In the story, the weapon was manufactured as a torture device. It ended up being nearly the same for the characters.

Part of the problem with the healing dagger was that one took the damage first. If that damage happened to be enough to kill the subject, the healing would of course have no effect. As the party was lacking a dedicated healer, the dagger was resorted to frequently, and rarely paid off.

It was fun watching the characters stab themselves in attempts to get hp back.
obnoxious
sig

[EvilElitest]

thats actually a pretty good magic item on its own
from
EE

[Epinephrine]

Healing dagger? It's a very useful (and painful) way to find undead disguised as humans. I read of a dagger made for that exact purpose, it deals damage and heals the target.