Stupid things your character did (Any game)

[Killersquid]

Ok, we've had threads with stupid things a player did, but what about the character you play? Ok, here's mine. It was in an Exalted game. Dawn Caste combat sorcerer wants to pray to the Unconquered sun to find an artifact for his hearthstone, because he has no money for one. So, since he has no idea how to appease his God, he decides the best way is to lie on his back, look into the sun, and pray.

Bad move.

Storyteller calls for a Stamina+Resistance roll. I roll. 1 success. My character is blinded until further notice.

Looking back he realizes it was a stupid idea.

[Fax Celestis]

My Giovanni necromancer botched a roll to bind a ghost for questioning and combat services.

Botched binding attempts cause the ghost to instead rise as a spectre bent on destruction.

This happened to be a very powerful ghost who had some big problems with Pentex Inc.

Who then went and started blowing stuff up.

And then angered the vampires who owned the corporation, accidentally causing a breach of the Masquerade, which inevitably triggered Gehenna (which, incidentally, triggered Apocalypse too).

[PhallicWarrior]

So, since he has no idea how to appease his God, he decides the best way is to look into the sun on his back and pray.

Bad move.

Storyteller calls for a Stamina+Resistance roll. I roll. 1 success. My character is blinded until further notice.

Firstly, how did he look at the sun on his own back?!

Secondly, my stupid move: Idiotic (INT 6) Fighter. Tomb of Horrors. Statue with open mouth. Nuff said.

[Killersquid]

Firstly, how did he look at the sun on his own back?!

Secondly, my stupid move: Idiotic (INT 6) Fighter. Tomb of Horrors. Statue with open mouth. Nuff said.

Sorry, at work, bored, half asleep, and not busy at all, I'll correct it.

[Jack Zander]

There were two orcs hurling fireballs from the beads on their necklaces at us. My wizard exclaimed, "Crap! That's valuable treasure they are wasting! Quick, take them down before they waste any more!" One had already been hurt with an arrow so I ran up within ten feet of the wounded one and cast my only offensive spell I had prepared: Burning Hands.

The explosion shouldn't have killed me, but the DM rolled really good. However, he even said that was stupid rolling and he let me be at -6 or something instead.

[rayne_dragon]

Asking to be shot with a flamethrower. Mind you a big tentacled monster was grappling me at the time....

Shooting the hostage I was trying to save (It happens to me too often. I'm not allowed to use ranged weapons anymore).

Dropping to the ground in fear when attacked by a ghoul.

[chiasaur11]

Had my character attack the DM.

Not, all in all, the best idea.

[Fax Celestis]

Had my character attack the DM.

Not, all in all, the best idea.

...

...

...how does that even work?

[BRC]

Using the experimental equipment provided to them in Paranoia

[Killersquid]

Using the experimental equipment provided to them in Paranoia

Sounds awesome.

[Doomsy]

...

...

...how does that even work?

A mini and a really good pitching arm?

[starwoof]

Once our party was exploring some ruins or sewers or something beneath Sharn. My hobgoblin bard got swarmed by giant beetles, passed his bardic knowledge roll and started yelling for the party to 'kill them with fire!'

After that encounter I no longer had a hobgoblin bard.

[Texas Jedi]

I had a character jump into a pool of disentegration to get a potion. That pool almost became a TPK until we figured it out.

[Veneficus]

I once did something really dumb.

I would hesitate to say stupid but definitely not clever. Our party was once infiltrating a heavily guarded town. We snuck in and made our way into a storage building that we were planning to hide in. It was very dark in the building so I "cleverly" lit a match to see what is inside. Just before the explosion we caught a glimpse of several barrels of gun powder and several sticks of dynamite.

End result 3 dead party members. It wasn't particularly funny at the time but now I can laugh at the whole thing

[Raging Gene Ray]

The party druid shifts into an adowable widdle kitty cat in order to enter the house of the Mayor. The guards however, make the mistake of yelling "I hate cats!" and trying to schmack the kitty with his sword.

I'm playing the party cleric, and I walk up to them and demand they let the kitty in. (Keep in mind, I had Ethereal Jaunt prepared and a pair of magic boots that could've teleported me in)

This ends with me picking a fight with the guards by throwing an animal out of my Bag of Tricks. It turns out to be a tiger.

Me: "Oh, you like killing cats, huh? Well it looks like you've got your work cut out for you, a*****e. Now let the little furball in or I'll have your throat ripped out."

The guard sounded the alarm. My cleric rattles off a Balde Barrier, killing a few. The DM describes the destruction.

Me: Is the Guard-Who-Hates-Cats still alive?
DM: Yes.
Me: I cast (Some Other AoE spell).

DM: He's dead...so are about 6 other guards.

Me: I cast Plane Shift to escape.

So a simple mission to knock on the door of the mayor's house ended with me becoming a wanted criminal and offending my deity (True Neutral with some NG tendencies).

[Veneficus]

Hahaha. That one was funny,

Something that happened to our whole party once. For some reason we were running low on food. Not a problem we all think. We'll get our druid to cast animal companion and then we'll have bbq badger. This worked.

Next time we try it our DM is a little wiser and does something unexpected. Our druid cast the spell and we didn't get a badger. Instead we get a really p*ssed of huge viper snake. End result 4 dead party members...also eventually bbq viper.

[Drascin]

I knew full well at the time that there would be consequences, but telling the avatar of a god that "gods are ****ing stupid anyway, and our world can administer itself well enough without meddlers from other planes coming to screw everything up" probably wasn't the best idea.

[JMobius]

I had a 9th level Favored Soul/Radiant Servant of Pelor in a group exploring the GM's homebrewed "Void Plane". Our group had nicknamed it the Plane of Suck, because of its habits of continually energy draining us, requiring a will save to wake up, the plane itself having spell resistance, and nasty monsters to boot.

At one point, we were directed by our guide that the gate off the plane we were searching for was at the bottom of a lake of pitch black goo. We were instructed that one apparently had to jump in, hold their breath, and wait to sink to the bottom, as the goo apparently served as a barrier for the town from the hostile environment. My character was not too trusting of the guide, and rather disturbed by the way the plane distanced him from his patron, so he manifested Celestial Brilliance (god I love that spell) before sinking into the ooze, so that I could see a short way through it as I descended.

Once I hit the bottom, all hell breaks loose. Town citizenry panics, as the guard quickly hits me with a dispel. Apparently, using light magic is a crime in this city, because of its potential to shine through the ooze and attract the attention of monsters from outside. I was placed under arrest for breaking this law, and as always was the case for the bizarre laws we routinely crossed under this GM, ignorance was no excuse (my favorite was one nation that held people accountable for crimes they committed under magical compulsion, with the justification essentially being "you should have made your will save").

Another running joke amongst our players was that the campaign world the GM had created was that the setting was called "The Universe of Jerks". Over the six months the campaign took, we did not encounter a single NPC that meant us well or treated us with kindness, and my internment in the town jail was no exception. The guards provided me with no food or water during the stay, which lasted three days at the end of which was a public lashing. At some point during my stay, I had no recourse but to conjure water for myself, at which point I was beaten, and sentenced to another three days and another lashing after the first set was paid. My character was not at all happy with the cruel laws of the land, but bore it all with a grim expression rather than cause unnecessary harm to the poor community that sadly didn't just find a more hospitable place to live in the infinite planes.

The straw that broke the favored soul's back came when one of my companions, a druid, came to visit me during the second stay. He had grown concerned after seeing my withered appearance during the lashing, and wanted to make sure I was okay. I told him what the guards had been doing, accusations which they vehemently denied. At this point, the captain of the guard whispers to me that I was going to pay dearly for 'lying' about his good and honorable men.

And at this point, I just couldn't take it any more.

I demanded that they let me go, or suffer the wrath of Pelor for their cruelty. They laughed, and the captain ordered me killed on the spot. This was a small town, and there was nothing of note about its people or law enforcement.

Thirty seconds later, a brilliantly shining avatar of Pelor riding a giant bear burst forth from the jail, making a break for the portal in the center of town which was our reason for coming here in the first place.

It was at this point that a curious void dragon, creatures that were well above our CR and that we'd desperately tried to avoid above ground, peeked its head through the ooze.

I guess some strange laws do have a purpose...

[Eldariel]

My Elf shot an arrow at Lolth who was busy ignoring him.

[TakeV]

It was at this point that a curious void dragon, creatures that were well above our CR and that we'd desperately tried to avoid above ground, peeked its head through the ooze.

Which the nice druid then WRESTLED TO DEATH.

The story had a happy ending, though, as the village became lost in the plane of air and we never heard from them again. ^_^

[Saintjebus]

I have 2. My very first character was a 5th level Wild Elf Wizard in FR. Very first session, my DM gives me a ring with a link to the Elemental Plane of Fire. This ring had the property of randomizing aspects of fire spells. In our first big battle, we were fighting vampires, and I started throwing fireballs. First couple got enhanced by about 50% damage. I was making sure they were a good 60-70 ft away, though. Then I got a little cocky and cast searing ray at a vampire 40 ft away from me. When the 60 foot radius fireball disipated, all enemies and all allies were still alive, albeit damaged. Then somebody said, "Where's the wizard?" They eventually found the small pile of ash that I had become. The ring was sitting on top of the ash.

Second story, I played a paladin who thought that he was a tank while wearing full plate. He tried charging through a door that had a lightning trap on it. It took my party members 3 hours to cut me out of my fused full plate.

[OracleofWuffing]

Not my own character...

"Those chokers don't look like they've seen us yet."
"You know, we're kind of busy, so let's see if we can sneak on by them."
"Yeah, good idea. No point in fighting if it can be avoided."
*Good Hide/Move Silently rolls all around*
"Awesome, Perform (Percussion)!"
*18*

[Raging Gene Ray]

*Good Hide/Move Silently rolls all around*
"Awesome, Perform (Percussion)!"
*18*

Was he trying to fascinate the chokers? Was he just hungry for XP and Inspiring Courage to make you fight? Was he trying to get you killed? WHY Would he do that? There's a difference between stupid and suicidal, and that could be either one depending on the context.

[Lappy9000]

Politely waving to fanatical guards of the Blood of Vol cult who were guarding the entrance to a tower we were infiltrating (losing us the surprise round and giving them time to charge us). My fighter then proceeded to grapple one of the guards (who was a halfling) and use her as an improvised bludgeoning weapon against one of the other guards for two rounds.

[Vortling]

My warlord in KotS walked into an obviously trapped room when no one in the party had thievery to disarm the traps. He did make it out alive but it was close and he nearly got the paladin killed.

[Lazy Zomb]

Once filled in for a player during a session, first game. Anyhoo, I was the groups cleric, a dwarf of some war god or other... We're coming round a bend and see two pirates that aren't looking at us, but have crossbows in their hands and swords at their sides. Its obvious they're pirates. We're looking for such a group of people for raiding a lighthouse. So, the party sorceror yells out a hello...

So, first round of combat my clerics grumbling about having to save the sorceror at -9 from dying by crossbolt wound while the rest of the party gets to kill them some pirates...

Turns out that sorceror had a bad habit of introducing himself to bad things, I'm not sure he ever actually got to do anything besides bleed in any battles...

[Pie Guy]

I grappled a choker. At level 3.

[monty]

Entering the Tomb of Horrors.

[Lappy9000]

Entering the Tomb of Horrors.

Oh snap. The horror.....

[Piedmon_Sama]

Had to think to answer this, as most of my players are pretty smart.... I honestly can't provide any stories about PCs of my own, since I get to play so rarely.

Both of these incidents come from my very first campaign. The party had set out at 1st level to explore a cave, and unwittingly stumbled into a subterranean Kobold fortress. Well, they kind of doomed themselves when they surrendered to the Kobold Chief at his demand, not thinking of, say, rolling a Sense Motive check (newbie players... I should have reminded them, but then I was a newbie DM).

Instead of just killing them, the Chief gave them a chance to make 'restitution' by going into the territory of a Goblin tribe to the north and uncovering the reason for recent attacks the Goblins had made against the Kobolds. As 'collateral,' the Chief took from them the Wizard's spellbook, the Cleric's holy symbol, the Bard's instruments, and the Fighter's axe. So to get to the north, they had to cross a lake. Mind, this is in an arctic region; so as they're paddling along on their raft a Plesiosaur bursts out of the water and attacks them. The monk, largely by herself, managed to fight it off with some lucky rolls (like most animals, the Plesiosaur was just looking for an easy meal and didn't want to get injured). But before then, the Cleric decided since they were in sight of shore it would be a good idea to jump off and swim for safety.

Honestly, he should have died from exposure a few minutes after jumping in, but I was feeling merciful (and like I'd made things tougher for the party than I'd meant to) so I allowed the Kobold Ranger who was with them to build a fire and get it roaring with amazing speed and save the Cleric's life (as well as the monk and anybody else who'd been dunked in water).

The second incidence came later in the adventure, when the PCs were traveling through a forested canyon in the same arctic area. They found a bunch of dead Dwarven treasure-hunters, and took supplies and weapons off the bodies. One of the Dwarves had a wheellock pistol with a horn of shot, which the (human) party rogue took and put in the baggage mule for later.

As it happened, the PCs had already gotten clues that a mysterious tower lying deep in the forest was a former Necromancer's hideout and had been taken over by some kind of monster. It had absolutely nothing to do with the PCs' main quest (reaching the Goblin village), but the players were thinking "XP and lewts" and undertook to explore the tower. The Cleric, standing on the principal of not wanting to waste anymore time in the frozen, haunted forest, refused to go with them. Thus he was left outside the tower with the baggage mule, and an NPC who'd been traveling with the party, an Orc Rogue.

This Rogue had been so far playing up the "dumb orc barbarian" stereotype, convincing the party that he was just your average Barbarian with the mind of an ADHD-riddled child. Seeing his chance then, he quietly took the pistol out of the mule's saddlebag and loaded a shot, while behind the oblivious Cleric's back. In the next moment, the Rogue had a pistol pointed at the Cleric's head, and with the mule in tow escaped into the forest. The PCs never found him, and were now facing death by starvation or possibly a Half-Ogre fighter desperate enough to try cannibalism. That one is more of a unanimous failure on the party's part to exercise common sense than the Cleric's, admittedly, though after being robbed he was treated to seeing the gruesome corpse of a party member who had fallen 90 feet immediately after entering the tower.

EDIT: Remembered more moments of glory from this campaign after a bit of reflection.

-Early on, the Bard made an indecent proposition to the Draconic Elf Monk to share his tent and let him help her "keep out the cold." Mind, this was an Elf Bard with 8 Con and 8 hp at first level. The monk's response was to spin around and deck him, rolling a perfect 9 nonlethal damage and rendering the Bard unconscious. The Half-Ogre Fighter became enraged (he had a shared backstory with the Bard), and since he had no axe at this point attempted to grapple and pin the Monk.... it ended with the Bard and the Fighter sharing a tent after both were knocked out.

-After the conclusion of the tower adventure, the PCs were found by a pair of strange Fey beings, brother and sister (a homebrew race I made up). They were apparently the last of an ancient race living in one of the sides of the canyon, and took the PCs in and patched up their wounds and fed them. As it turned out, the Fey were of a mind to hunt mortals who entered their wood for sport, but first intended to kidnap half the party (reduced to four at that point) and replace them with pod-grown clones. The Bard, sad to say, made this absurdly easy by inviting the sister to join him in a bath the Fey were providing. That player really wanted his character to be a lady's man. T_T

-After finally reaching the Goblin village, the PCs found the reason for the attacks was that the heretofore peaceful Goblins had been taken over by a band of exiled Hobgoblin warriors. Their captain had set up a lodge at the head of the village, which the party infiltrated while a group of allied Goblin rebels roused the villagers for an assault on the Hobgoblins' (separate) barracks.

After a long fight against the Captain's lieutenants (a monk and a swashbuckler), the party had his two henchmen at their mercy. Worse, the Captain learned his soldiers were being overwhelmed by a Goblin uprising. The Captain said that if the PCs spared his lieutenants, he would leave the village peaceably and never return--and also give them a map to a great treasure (this was my intended hook for the next adventure). Injured and not sure if they could take on another NPC boss, most of the party were happy to negotiate (even the monk who had heretofore rigidly insisted on a 'no survivors' policy).

Well, that didn't set with the Bard. Actually, at this point his character was in possession of the magically preserved skull of a slain Demon, which he was hiding from the party. The skull telepathically communicated to the Bard suffer not his insolence! None who challenge my vessel should live! I didn't even bother to make a Diplomacy check, assuming the Bard would throw out the suggestion. Instead, he knocked an arrow in his bow and shot at the Captain (who, it turned out, had an Entropic Shield already up). That rather fouled up negotiations. They managed to kill the Captain, but the Monk was unconscious and wounded in the fight and they never found the treasure map.

-The Half-Ogre Fighter, when the players first began exploring the cave that turned out to be a Kobold fortress, insisted on leading the way. A large character, moving through a narrow (5' wide) corridor. By the second round of the first encounter, he was sprouting crossbow bolts like a pincushion and down to 2 hp.