Personal Woes and Advice 6

[Lissou]

I'm glad she woke up! I hope she continues to recover :)

[Bartmanhomer]

That is great news! Best wishes for continued recovery!

I'm glad she woke up! I hope she continues to recover :)

Thank you. I like to thank everybody for the support.

[Solamnicknight]

It seems a small thing, I know, but I'm a little less cripplingly depressed. My friend group is at least talking to me again, so that's good. I'm still stuck thinking really mean things about myself.

I accept that professionally, I am easy to replace, though I feel like I'm pretty easy to replace in my interpersonal relationships too. Going down the list of people I know, most of them fill a particular niche as well or better than me. I guess it's good to know that people I care about will be fine without me, but I'm still stuck wondering what my place is and whether or not anyone would notice if I disappeared.

I may be a complete stranger but don’t think like that. You have self-worth. I know from experience beating yourself up becomes this vicious cycle that makes you miss that life is worth living. What are some things you like? Books? Movies? Things in nature? I find thinking of the most beautiful and inspiring of those things can help you center yourself. Or doing something simple sitting down someplace comfy and drinking a non alcoholic beverage like tea, hot chocolate or a soda. Also you seem to have friends and care for them so that’s a big deal!

[The Fury]

Thank you. I like to thank everybody for the support.

Not much to add, but good luck, buddy.

I may be a complete stranger but don’t think like that. You have self-worth. I know from experience beating yourself up becomes this vicious cycle that makes you miss that life is worth living. What are some things you like? Books? Movies? Things in nature? I find thinking of the most beautiful and inspiring of those things can help you center yourself. Or doing something simple sitting down someplace comfy and drinking a non alcoholic beverage like tea, hot chocolate or a soda. Also you seem to have friends and care for them so that’s a big deal!

Seeing my own value has always been hard for me. Seeing myself as a friend that can be replaced fairly easily doesn't really help that, but in a way it's sort of comforting. Like I said, if something happens to me, at least the people I care about will be fine.

Also, I mentioned in this thread that I have trouble accepting love and care when it's shown to me. I don't really understand why anyone would act that way to me. I understand people needing me to do something for them, like help them with chores or someone to vent to. When people don't necessarily need me for anything but want me around because they like me... I just find that confusing. In a weird way, it's sort of a relief that I just misunderstood the situation.

[Solamnicknight]

Not much to add, but good luck, buddy.



Seeing my own value has always been hard for me. Seeing myself as a friend that can be replaced fairly easily doesn't really help that, but in a way it's sort of comforting. Like I said, if something happens to me, at least the people I care about will be fine.

Also, I mentioned in this thread that I have trouble accepting love and care when it's shown to me. I don't really understand why anyone would act that way to me. I understand people needing me to do something for them, like help them with chores or someone to vent to. When people don't necessarily need me for anything but want me around because they like me... I just find that confusing. In a weird way, it's sort of a relief that I just misunderstood the situation.

I hope I didn’t make you feel worse or anything like that! Glad you are doing better though. I have self-esteem issues that came from bullying and issues when I was in school and I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten past them. I have autism and I feel like people use that as an excuse to manipulate or bully me at times. I’ve also had workplace drama along those lines. It’s this disconnect where people think I’m too awkward, stupid, or naive to realize that they’re playing games with me but the problem is I do realize it and I’ve had multiple instances of people being outright shocked or condescending when I stand up to them, I think they assume that being autistic means that I’m dumb or don’t have feelings and it’s draining at times.

[The Fury]

I hope I didn’t make you feel worse or anything like that! Glad you are doing better though. I have self-esteem issues that came from bullying and issues when I was in school and I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten past them. I have autism and I feel like people use that as an excuse to manipulate or bully me at times. I’ve also had workplace drama along those lines. It’s this disconnect where people think I’m too awkward, stupid, or naive to realize that they’re playing games with me but the problem is I do realize it and I’ve had multiple instances of people being outright shocked or condescending when I stand up to them, I think they assume that being autistic means that I’m dumb or don’t have feelings and it’s draining at times.

Many of my friends that I've had over the years, people I've dated even, are autistic or otherwise somewhere on the neurodivergent spectrum. For all I know, I might be too. So I have some understanding of the frustration. I've had people assume that autistic folks don't have feelings, or that they're dumb. Obviously that isn't true. Some people just think and feel differently.

edit: No, you didn't make me feel worse. Don't worry about it. Truthfully, the issues that I've been talking about are ones that I've been struggling with for years. I'm in a spot where I feel hopeless, but I might learn to be OK with not recovering. I'm actually pretty good at being functionally depressed.

[Illven]

Apparently I'm the biggest ******* for being able to play a game well.

[The Fury]

Apparently I'm the biggest ******* for being able to play a game well.

What happened? Are folks upset with you?

[Bartmanhomer]

I got some terrible news about my friend's mother health. Today I spoke to my friend on the phone today and he told me that her lungs have dropped pretty closer to death. She relapse. I thought things are getting better but it's really not.

[The Fury]

I got some terrible news about my friend's mother health. Today I spoke to my friend on the phone today and he told me that her lungs have dropped pretty closer to death. She relapse. I thought things are getting better but it's really not.

There's not much that I can say. Keep being there for each other, take care of each other.

[HalfTangible]

My cousin's an EMT, so he's on the front lines of this pandemic. He was exposed to the virus at least 3 times in ambulance transit and is now under quarantine for 2 weeks. It's not definitive that he has it, I don't think, but... well, 3 chances to be exposed while inside an ambulance (those things are freaking tiny) with people who had the virus? He probably does.

He's a hearty guy tho, even if he does have it he'll pull through. Probably.

[RazorChain]

My cousin's an EMT, so he's on the front lines of this pandemic. He was exposed to the virus at least 3 times in ambulance transit and is now under quarantine for 2 weeks. It's not definitive that he has it, I don't think, but... well, 3 chances to be exposed while inside an ambulance (those things are freaking tiny) with people who had the virus? He probably does.

He's a hearty guy tho, even if he does have it he'll pull through. Probably.

If he's under 40 then the deathrate is about 0.2% and if he has no pre-existing medical conditions then it's far less.


Source: https://www.who.int/docs/default-sou...nal-report.pdf
http://weekly.chinacdc.cn/en/article...b-fea8db1a8f51

[Lissou]

Aw man Bart, I'm so sorry to hear that :( I hope things work out.

[Chen]

My cousin's an EMT, so he's on the front lines of this pandemic. He was exposed to the virus at least 3 times in ambulance transit and is now under quarantine for 2 weeks. It's not definitive that he has it, I don't think, but... well, 3 chances to be exposed while inside an ambulance (those things are freaking tiny) with people who had the virus? He probably does.

He's a hearty guy tho, even if he does have it he'll pull through. Probably.

I mean if he had PPE and the patients didnt directly cough on his face or something this doesnt necessarily mean he’d catch it. Doctors are managing to treat patients and not get it. The fact he’s in quarantine may imply there was more contact or a particular incident I suppose though.

[The Fury]

So, I screwed up again.

Spoiler: TW: discussion of suicide

Show

As I've mentioned earlier, I've been feeling suicidal. I'm much better now, and I have called the National Suicide Prevention line. That said, I feel like the people I'm closest with deserve to know what's been happening with me. So there's a short list of people that I felt I should tell, and most of them handled it fairly good. Then there was my friend that I speak to over video chat regularly... when I told her she started crying. Now to put this into context, normally this friend doesn't cry and is pretty reserved so I didn't think she'd react that way. This was shortly after her cat died, so I can't help but think that the timing was bad and I should have waited. Hindsight is 20/20 and all, but sometimes I'm the literal worst.

[Tvtyrant]

So, I screwed up again.

Spoiler: TW: discussion of suicide

Show

As I've mentioned earlier, I've been feeling suicidal. I'm much better now, and I have called the National Suicide Prevention line. That said, I feel like the people I'm closest with deserve to know what's been happening with me. So there's a short list of people that I felt I should tell, and most of them handled it fairly good. Then there was my friend that I speak to over video chat regularly... when I told her she started crying. Now to put this into context, normally this friend doesn't cry and is pretty reserved so I didn't think she'd react that way. This was shortly after her cat died, so I can't help but think that the timing was bad and I should have waited. Hindsight is 20/20 and all, but sometimes I'm the literal worst.

Ennui and depression make it hard to interpret other people's reactions. Your friend had a sympathetic response, telling you how important you are to them. Your depression is causing you to see interpret signs of emotional closeness and as selfishness on your part, what you need to do now is reach out more and reassure them not withdraw to spare them.

No one is quite sure why depression is so self-protective, but it has a well known mechanism of interpreting things and steering actions towards self-harm and away from getting better.

[The Fury]

Ennui and depression make it hard to interpret other people's reactions. Your friend had a sympathetic response, telling you how important you are to them. Your depression is causing you to see interpret signs of emotional closeness and as selfishness on your part, what you need to do now is reach out more and reassure them not withdraw to spare them.

No one is quite sure why depression is so self-protective, but it has a well known mechanism of interpreting things and steering actions towards self-harm and away from getting better.

The other two people I've told had a pretty sympathetic response too. They were both understandably worried and upset. I don't think they cried though, it was over voice chat so I wasn't sure. I guess I was just... shocked? I honestly didn't think my friend would react that way.

[Bartmanhomer]

Hey everybody. I got terrible and sad news about my friend mother health. Today he called me a few minutes ago that his mother has passed away. I was very devastated to hear the news. I thought that she was getting better but she wasn't. I'm very upset right now.

[Lissou]

That is so sad, I'm so sorry :( Hugs to you and your friend.

[Sermil]

Hey everybody. I got terrible and sad news about my friend mother health. Today he called me a few minutes ago that his mother has passed away. I was very devastated to hear the news. I thought that she was getting better but she wasn't. I'm very upset right now.

So sorry to hear that. You have my sympathy.

[Bartmanhomer]

That is so sad, I'm so sorry :( Hugs to you and your friend.

So sorry to hear that. You have my sympathy.

Thank you both. I've been supported by my friend since this troubling times and we've going to go through together.

[The Fury]

Thank you both. I've been supported by my friend since this troubling times and we've going to go through together.

The only way you get through this is together, right? Keep being there for one another, it's how we survive.

[Comrade]

Times like this I sure wish I felt comfortable confiding in friends. I never was the kinda guy to open up to folks in my life about things that are weighing on me, just never really learned to do it. Being down in the dumps all by my lonesome is kind of a bummer (and the quarantine ain't helping).

[halfeye]

Times like this I sure wish I felt comfortable confiding in friends. I never was the kinda guy to open up to folks in my life about things that are weighing on me, just never really learned to do it. Being down in the dumps all by my lonesome is kind of a bummer (and the quarantine ain't helping).

For me the quaratine is life as usual. Play games, read comics and webserials. There's plenty to do. Chat on message boards like this one if you need people. That song about "people who need people being the luckiest people" really annoyed me, because I was brought up 1/4 mile from almost everyone, and I like people, but I DON'T need the beggars.

[Comrade]

You got me all wrong. It's not that I don't have people-- I've still been able to see friends, either through Zoom hangouts or one-on-one in person-- or that I have nothing to do with the quarantine (I'm working two jobs remotely and am a full-time student online, my schedule ain't exactly bare). Just that I wish I was more capable of being vulnerable even with trusted friends. Be nice to be able to get stuff off my chest that way.

[The Fury]

You got me all wrong. It's not that I don't have people-- I've still been able to see friends, either through Zoom hangouts or one-on-one in person-- or that I have nothing to do with the quarantine (I'm working two jobs remotely and am a full-time student online, my schedule ain't exactly bare). Just that I wish I was more capable of being vulnerable even with trusted friends. Be nice to be able to get stuff off my chest that way.

Speaking for myself, vulnerability is hard. In truth, I'm actually really bad at it and I feel like I'm a very guarded person. It's only recently that I felt safe opening up to people at all. I'm really only kind of able to be candid and vulnerable partly because of friends being so open and trusting to me about their struggles. Another part of it was the fact that I've wanted that kind of relationship for so long.

I know what I'm dealing with isn't quite the same as what you are, but I bring it up to show that having that friendship where you can talk things through can take a lot of time. Even when you have a friend who you feel safe around, (and learning to trust someone with your feelings can be big thing too,) it can take time to sort through what you're comfortable sharing and with whom.

[Bartmanhomer]

So anyway I would like to thank everybody for all the support. I know this wasn't the easiest time to express my feeling since I always updated on my friend's mother health every day. By at the end, she's no longer in pain. So thanks, everybody. FYI, my friend and his family are hanging in there and I'm supporting them. So again thanks.

[Lissou]

No worries, it's important to stick together. This could have been anyone's mom. I'm glad you guys are hanging in there and you're right, she's not in pain anymore, that much is good at least :S

[dehro]

So... After 5 years together, me causing some pretty harmful things to or relationship, finding out to I can't have children, some more pretty tough times and circumstances, the better part of a year spent in different countries coming down to not seeing one another since before the pandemic exploded in Italy, my girlfriend has called it quits and, after some soul-searching,I find myself agreeing with her. We love one another very much, but the deck is just too stacked against us being happy together.
I find myself having to come to terms with the idea of being single, of loving someone but having to move on and get over her.
It's not easy.

Not looking for anything in particular, just had to get it off my chest

[The Fury]

So anyway I would like to thank everybody for all the support. I know this wasn't the easiest time to express my feeling since I always updated on my friend's mother health every day. By at the end, she's no longer in pain. So thanks, everybody. FYI, my friend and his family are hanging in there and I'm supporting them. So again thanks.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I guess in the coming days/weeks/unspecified intervals of time, it's important to take the time to process your grief however you deal with it. I don't know how you deal with it, maybe you're feeling inconsolably sad, and that's OK. Maybe you're feeling relatively fine, and that's OK too. All of you be safe.

So... After 5 years together, me causing some pretty harmful things to or relationship, finding out to I can't have children, some more pretty tough times and circumstances, the better part of a year spent in different countries coming down to not seeing one another since before the pandemic exploded in Italy, my girlfriend has called it quits and, after some soul-searching,I find myself agreeing with her. We love one another very much, but the deck is just too stacked against us being happy together.
I find myself having to come to terms with the idea of being single, of loving someone but having to move on and get over her.
It's not easy.

Not looking for anything in particular, just had to get it off my chest

Hey, if you need to get it off your chest that's fine. As long as your feelings aren't eating you up anymore. I might not know entirely how your relationship ended, in fact I know I don't, but I know that breakups hurt. As bad as they might feel, keep in mind that you're still a person capable of love and you still deserve to be loved. It might be too soon to start a relationship with someone new, but that doesn't mean it won't happen in the future.