Your favourite variation on "Rocks fall, everyone dies"

[Kyeudo]

'scuse me for being a newb, but what is fangorn forest? (I can only asume that for-- is forest)

It's from LotR. Full of tree people who don't like orcs. As in "squish on sight and don't bother to check for collatoral damage."

[Dr Bwaa]

Linky Linky :)

EDIT: Kyeudoninja'd.

[Chronos]

As in "squish on sight and don't bother to check for collatoral damage."

My, my, how hasty.

[Thanatos 51-50]

"The Great Hand descends from the Sky, wielding the Great Eraser.

He attacks your character sheet.
Roll 4d6b3 six times..."

[Sebastian]

My standard method is death by Mon Calamari cruiser bombing run. It is generally warned by it looming overhead.

"But... aren't we in Eberron?"
"Yup! ^^"
"But that was... I mean... A ****ING STARWARS CRUISER?!"
"Yup again! Now, please, are you going to stop being such jackasses or shall I order it to fire?"

"IT'S A TRAP!!"


Sorry.

[Sebastian]

Second one is in Eberron.

The party is traveling to Sharn but they refuse to make any progress. Finally I tell them about this weird stones they've just discovered. Rogue and Fighter climb onto them and consider which of them should hit them first. I guess they thought the things had gold in them. That's when Lightning Rail came through, along the conductor stones the players where standing on.

That is more than a bit unfair, should not almost everyone in Eberron know how a lightining road looks like?

[Ashtar]

Mists come down and engulf the party. You wander in them until you find yourself in a desert. (Welcome to Kalidnay!)
You wander, half dead with thirst until you are quickly captured by Templars, and put to death in the Arena to please the crowds.

And this is for non native to Athas players: "Your divine magic doesn't work here (no gods on Athas) and no you can't use you arcane spellcasting (you don't know who to defile / preserve)."

This happened three times with one of my previous DMs... He would do Planescape / Ravenloft games which would systematically end with us dying in Kalidnay. At the time, I was the DM for our Dark Sun games... where one of his characters had died while exploring the ruins of Kalidnay.

[LordMalrog]

Cthulhu wakes up, and asks the party where the bathroom is. *entire partys heads explode*

[Mina Kobold]

here's a more understandable version of the fangorn one:
DM: you see a valuable stone laying on the floor
PC: I grab it!
DM: you are in a strange dark place roll spot
PC: (any result)
DM: you recognice a sign with red bloodlike letters spelling "welcome to the 8th hell". so what race shall your next character be.

[chiasaur11]

here's a more understandable version of the fangorn one:
DM: you see a valuable stone laying on the floor
PC: I grab it!
DM: you are in a strange dark place roll spot
PC: (any result)
DM: you recognice a sign with red bloodlike letters spelling "welcome to the 8th hell". so what race shall your next character be.

The proper response is: "I roll diplomacy".

[Renegade Paladin]

I roll all my dice. At once. They take that much damage.

After this GenCon, the damage potential has roughly doubled.

[NEO|Phyte]

I roll all my dice. At once. They take that much damage.

After this GenCon, the damage potential has roughly doubled.

Is that all? I roll them to see how many times I need to roll them for damage.

[Deth Muncher]

My, my, how hasty.

Agh! I seem to be suffering from Freemanic Paracusia.

Thanks a lot.

[Staven]

DM rolls a percentile, not even caring about results.

DM: What the blood guard of the ages didn't get to say before you killed him in cold blood was that his mortal coil was why he was The blood guard of ages.
Player: So?
DM: So the earth becomes sentient and punishes you for your insolence. It eats you.

[EndlessWrath]

We don't call it Rocks fall... We call it the DM's Mighty purple lightning bolt.

although my favorite was from my last game...

Thor aims his mighty Purple Lazor (yes its spelled this way purposely) at you.
me: oh sh-....
A mighty lazor strikes you from deep in the heavens. Quick roll this.
The DM hands me a d20.
i roll a 19. "Awesome what do i add?"
this
He undoes his rather large dice box... and lets loose all the dice.
now multiply this by seven-
"awe crap...
-hundred. Thats the damage done to you by Thor's Minor Purple Lazor.

all this cause I spent too much time screwing around and making fun of his Gnome bard =P
go figure

[Dr Bwaa]

Thor aims his mighty Purple Lazor (yes its spelled this way purposely) at you.
me: oh sh-....
A mighty lazor strikes you from deep in the heavens. Quick roll this.
The DM hands me a d20.
i roll a 19. "Awesome what do i add?"
this
He undoes his rather large dice box... and lets loose all the dice.
now multiply this by seven-
"awe crap...
-hundred. Thats the damage done to you by Thor's Minor Purple Lazor.

Nice touch

[D_Lord]

I never had to use this but I came up with it. For really annoying or dumb partys.
You sure you want to touch that black jewel that had all those traps around it. The one on top of a blood stained pile of gold. Ok you are portaled to the Lord of Nightmares, your souls destroy them selfs to get away from the terror. Or for annoying players my newer one. You see a purple robed figure, it's head is see through and looks like a purple fire. Chainsaws come out of it's sleeves. Roll interve.
Meet the Randomizer!

[Dr Bwaa]

DM: A commoner walks out in front of you. Roll Initiative!
PC: What??
DM: Roll it!
PC: *roll*
DM: Alright, the commoner goes first. He casts Summon Lynch Mob IX *any roll* Ooh, looks like they hanged ya. Sorry.

*****ALTERNATE ENDING!*****

DM: Alright, the commoner goes first. He attacks you, but he simply hurts his hand on your armor. The Twelve Lords of Chaos go next. ...You should just throw that thing out *gesture to character sheet.*
NOTE: As far as I am aware, I just made up the Twelve Lords of Chaos, so stop beating yourself up asking what it's from =P

[FMArthur]

Not a kill, but something from my latest session of frustratingly stubborn players.

Player: "Okay, so we've not-so-gently interrogated this villager. What do we find out?"
DM: "Um, that he's in a lot of pain and wants to go home."
Player: "Let's go find someone else." *coup de grace for continued secrecy*
...Later
DM: "Okay, these villagers don't know anything, and none of them are disguised villains I'm trying to surprise you with. Stop abducting them."
Player: "All right, we ask the poor guy who the most educated man in town is, and where we can find him."
...Later still
Player: "How could this noble have lived 50 years and only obtained 10 ranks in Knowledge (useless crap)? We kidnap his daughter. Maybe she has ranks in Knowledge (treasure hunting)."
DM: "Suddenly, Ouroboros uses Greater Celerity and appears before you. He restrains his various auras that would kill you instantly, and uses a Maximized, Extended, Empowered Time Stop to give you a long, hard look for 15 straight rounds."
There is silence at the game table for a few seconds..
"It's your turn now."
Player: "Uh... we go to the pub and look for quest hooks?"
DM: "Yes, you do."

[BRC]

You suddenly gain perspective of yourself and all your actions in comparison to the universe, the sheer scale of this makes you feel so puny and insignificant that you have an existential crisis, curl up into a ball, and cry.

[DiscipleofBob]

It was the final boss of this tri-shot dungeon crawl where we were all playing characters made up by the DM using the generic classes from the PHB. Against all odds, we beat bosses who were way beyond their level, the lowest of which was a level 10 Druid/Vermin Lord, the highest so far was a level 16 tri-greatsword wielding warblade. We went from level 3 to 5. The final boss (as I later found out), was a level 18 Blackguard with at least the Half-Golem and Tauric templates as well as some undead template (caused by the blackguard somehow merging with his nightmare and undead servant.) We really didn't have a chance, but that didn't stop us from winning before, so we tried our best to hurt it. Eventually, the disembodied voice of our comrade who died in the previous fight tells us to "Use the Rock!" The rock being a small rock described as having "a lot of magical power," but we couldn't tell what it did. So, we follow the advice, throw the rock at point-blank range. The DM's eyes widen at the "point-blank range" part.

The conversation went something like this:

DM: "Roll me up 4 touch attacks."
Us: "4, 7, 7, 20."
DM: "Okay, now someone look up the damage on a maximized, empowered meteor swarm."
Us: "..."

Basically cut to the test footage of the atom bomb as the boss, the dungeon, and us were blown to atoms.

[chiasaur11]

You suddenly gain perspective of yourself and all your actions in comparison to the universe, the sheer scale of this makes you feel so puny and insignificant that you have an existential crisis, curl up into a ball, and cry.

Of course, Immortal Tippyesque wizards may get a save. There's no way they don't make a long term massive impact.

[Chronos]

Of course, Immortal Tippyesque wizards may get a save. There's no way they don't make a long term massive impact.

I don't think even Tippy's wizards generally have any impact beyond their own galaxy... Maybe not even that much.

To put this into some semblance of perspective: Take the Hubble Deep Field. Shrink that down to the size of a sewing needle, held end on, and hold it at arm's length. Make enough other copies of that to completely surround the space around you. Now look at one of the specks of light in that image. That's a galaxy. Tippy's wizards affect less than a single one of those specks.

[tribble]

18 (insert age) (insert color) dragons fly down out of the sky. roll for initiative.

[Dr Bwaa]

I don't think even Tippy's wizards generally have any impact beyond their own galaxy... Maybe not even that much.

To put this into some semblance of perspective: Take the Hubble Deep Field. Shrink that down to the size of a sewing needle, held end on, and hold it at arm's length. Make enough other copies of that to completely surround the space around you. Now look at one of the specks of light in that image. That's a galaxy. Tippy's wizards affect less than a single one of those specks.

If that's not a challenge to a certain Playgrounder whose name rhymes with "Hippie" and starts with a T, I don't know what is

[Vexxation]

I don't think even Tippy's wizards generally have any impact beyond their own galaxy... Maybe not even that much.

The smallest action has repercussions, ever-growing ripples that affect the entire universe around you... a small kindness can inspire hope, while a minor cruelty can cause a greater evil to be served...
[/Kriea]

But yeah, Total Perspective Vortex is a beautiful way to kill.

[Collin152]

I don't think even Tippy's wizards generally have any impact beyond their own galaxy... Maybe not even that much.

Tippy's wizards could affect the fabric of reality.
I think that impacts the universe.

[Shades of Gray]

Once my players were fighting a Stone Golem.
Our Fighter jumped off a cliff to get to him (the golem was in a chasm)

"You jump, unfortunately it's a long way down, however you manage to land on the golem, roll falling damage for both of you"

*rolls*

Ummm... You fall, rock dies...

The player survived, the golem ( who as weakend) died. I love Irony.

[BRC]

But yeah, Total Perspective Vortex is a beautiful way to kill.

That sounds like an awesome name for a ninth level spell, Will Save or feel so insignificant that you lose all motivation to do anything.

[Flickerdart]

Tippy's wizards could affect the fabric of reality.
I think that impacts the universe.

The Butterfly Effect is maximized when the butterfly can bend space-time to its will.