Let's return to playing Galactic Civilizations II - the HARD mode.

[Mercenary Pen]

One of my corporals swears by sticking harmony crystals in coffee in place of sugar.

[Eldan]

No, we tried that as well. They tend to suck up the coffee instead of dissolving.

[tribble]

No, we tried that as well. They tend to suck up the coffee instead of dissolving.

you clearly don't have enough coffee, then.

[Cubey]

Episode 12 - Shrink!

(Warning! Big update. May require frequent reloading. All the pictures are there, so I hope imageshack will be cooperative.
Also, I'm officially out of my blues. Sorry for that.)

We're still around and kicking. So are the Korx, but I hope to change that. What I want to show you here is one of the most useful screens in the game.

Spoiler

Show

The manager shows me a list of all my colonies (there's so many of them!), and their status. Constructing stuff here and there, I see...

After minor adjustments, I move forward to the next week.

Spoiler

Show

I love you, Creative.

Now that we have the ultimate in the means of Gun, let's put it to use.

Spoiler

Show

Immediately upgrading my ship to a new design burns a hole in my pocket but hey - I no longer spend all my funds on research (only 60% of them), I can afford it.

Spoiler

Show

It all shows that Lady Luck favors the bold. I knew folding here and there was a bad idea, and so was ascending while we still had unattended matters left.

Seriously, things are going great now. What can go wrong?

Spoiler

Show

And this... does NOT count as things going wrong. Seriously, the Krynn are so holed up in their little corner, discovering ultimate ancient power only means they will be of some importance. Not the big player class (like the Drath - or us! Insert maniacal laugh here), but some importance nevertheless.
It's like in that movie, where some... ape-like beings touched a dark... monolith thingy? I am a little fuzzy on the details. Anyway, I'm sure they never really got anywhere.

How's the new Phantom design working for us?

Spoiler

Show

Pretty damn well.

And as far as space battles are concerned...

Spoiler

Show

The Korx are sending several unguarded troop transports to my territory. They are flying way too close Noventa to ignore. It doesn't really count as a battle though. More like wholesale slaughter.

Time for another planetary conquest - defenses of which were blown out of the sky by the anonmyous Phantom III just a bit ago. But first, let's take a closer look.

Spoiler

Show

Planet Avignon has an Orbital Command Center. I did not want that when I was on the defensive, as it groups up all the ships in orbit into one group when any of my planets gets attacked. Which is a bad idea when I churn out Decoys as my only defense - I want the enemy to waste time destroying them one by one, not all in one fell swoop!
Swooping is bad.
Anyway, times have changed - now we are on the offensive, and this is a bonus that Korx do not deserve in my book. And since, after I conquer their Command Center, I won't be able to build one of my own (since I'll already have one)...

Spoiler

Show

Let's hastily erect one on a random planet of mine. That way, we'll have two.

Big Transport on standby, propaganda warfare prepared...

Spoiler

Show

And the results are:

Spoiler

Show

I'm happy. Well, maybe except for the part where all but 90 millions of our troops died, but hey - can't have everything. If all of them died, maybe I'd ensure all my troublesome elements are dead, but the planet wouldn't be mine, right?
And the Droid Sentries I captured allow me to work on ultimate anti-missile defenses. Not that Korx use missiles... but other races do. I am looking at you, Drath.

Soon after, an event strikes!

Spoiler

Show

Wow, another Lucky Ranger... you can't tell it from my tone of voice, but I am incredibly happy to find another huge but somehow incredibly weak unit.
Yes, incredibly happy.

Then...

Spoiler

Show

Okay, this is better. Unlike what you'd expect or hope for, our incredibly powerful robotic soldiers do not offer new invasion options. They just make warfare really, really easy. Allow me to present:

Spoiler

Show

Minimal casualties (25? Pfah!), another planet is mine. In fact...

Spoiler

Show

I'm driving the Korx off the frontier. There are only three systems left, but they're located in a place that's less of a "frontier" and more of a "inevitable Drath prey".
Well, I plan to make it Underdog prey instead.

As for the central front...

Spoiler

Show

We're doing good here too. The Korx territory is split in two, and each of the now-seperated parts is getting smaller and smaller with every Underdog visit.

It doesn't mean the conquest goes without trouble.

Spoiler

Show

The Korx' overpowered (and definitely overgunned) fleets did not just go and disappear. Here's one - and it's after my units! Time for a hasty retreat.

At least, until I invent overpowered spaceships of my own.

Spoiler

Show

A step in the right direction.

And because my wide-spanning plans will not fund themselves, let's pay a visit to my friends, Minor Races, again.

Spoiler

Show

That's right - I just traded a Terror Star technology to a minor race.
Will this decision come to bite me in the ass? Probably not. It's a minor race after all.
But a weak, minor ra...

Spoiler

Show

Woah! Did you know that each time someone puts a minor race down, one of them gets conquered? Good thing I sold them all my unneeded tech (that Drath have already, so they didn't capture anything useful) before that happened.

We finish another Secret Project. No big achievement, since anyone can have one of a kind, rather than being limited to one per galaxy.

Spoiler

Show

But additional Logistics will be handy for when I create my giant, undefeatable fleets.

Speaking of fleets, mine are currently preparing to conquer one half of the Korx central territories (remaining planets: 2). How are yours doing, face-melted folk?

Spoiler

Show

Chasing after mine? I see, I see... well, good luck with that!

However, before the change of ownership happens there, I focus my all-seeing (remember, Eyes of the Galaxy) gaze on the future Drath conquests frontier.

Spoiler

Show

A beautiful class 25 planet - for comparison, anything above class 14 is considered a paradise world. It must be mine. Especially since...
It has a shrinker!

Okay, everyone stop laughing now. I realize how ridiculous that sentence sounded. But a fact's a fact - Hyperion Shrinkers give a miniaturization bonus. Which means more guns (and maybe other, unnecessary and silly stuff, like armor or something) for my space-boats. I want that. Doubly so if I do this...

Spoiler

Show

I hastily build a shrinker of my own (stop laughing!). If I conquer Alenil, now I'll have two. And their effects stack.

A transport is orbiting, ready for but a signal to unleash its deadly cargo. There is but one problem.

Spoiler

Show

Enemy land forces outnumber us 4 to 1. Even if my propaganda brings the best results, I won't make my chances better than 2.5 to 1.

But hey! Who is the one with giant killer robots? Chaaaarge!

Spoiler

Show

And... we win. Remaining force: 10%. Everyone else - dead, or at least lost in action. Or, dare I say - fled in the face of the enemy. If that happened, their punishment will be harsh. Some may become Triaxx's personal assistants. Others may replace DeafnotDumb. Yet others may receive the worst punishment of all: cleaning the halls of my tech capital.
So yeah. My soldiers knew about it, so I don't think they deserted. I suppose they just blew up heroically.

But we waste time talking about casualties and horrors of war, while the real topic remains untouched - goodies! What kind of fun stuff was built on this planet?

Spoiler

Show

Not only a Hyperion Shrinker, but also a political capital!

A nice planet indeed. I set up my summer home here - and if everything goes as planned, I may even have time to visit it sometimes.

Next episode: Does everything go as planned? Of course not!

[Dark Faun]

I love this LP so much.

[tarbrush]

Time for a hasty retreat.

This statement approved by the Ministry of Flight.

Remember kids, it's still OK to retreat even if no-one's actually attacking you yet.

[Triaxx]

New assistants? Excellent. I shall have to requistion additional cleaning supplies.

[ObadiahtheSlim]

Oh a new Political Capital to use as a headquarters for a propaganda center. I'm thinking the motto for this one should be "Stomp a Krox" It just sorta rolls off the tongue.

[Mercenary Pen]

Just a report that, in our invasions of late, we have uncovered a new Korx device for facilitating access to liquid storage devices... They seem to call it the Korxscrew.

[Toric]

Shortly prior to this broadcast, in the central base of the Underdog Navy's Frontier Exploration Division:

"Sir, one of our scouts is reporting."
"Ugh, what is it!? I finally got my hands on some Folder's Harmony Crystals and I'm late for my coffee break!"
"He claims it's an important discovery, sir. Shall I patch him through?"
"Go ahead."

*Crackle*"Dude, you will never believe what I just found! You remember that awesome ship I found in the Gantrozari asteroid cluster? I JUST FOUND ANOTHER ONE! And it's fully intact! It's got precursor weapons, a gaming room with a plasma-hockey table, and a 520 degree hot tub! I've charted it back to the Big Rock system, I figure Cubey can use it as his own personal pleasure yacht. Oh man, he'll be so stoked when it arrives!"
".....I see. Private Toric, er, congratulations on your latest find. Oh look I have your next assignment! There should be a planet-sized black hole in your vicinity." "Oh right, I see it. The one so black I'm going blind looking at it." "That's the one, don't take your eyes off it. Now. I want you to fly straight into it and tell me what you find." "Right away sir!" "I'll see you in the next galaxy, private."

[Hunter Noventa]

Mmmm...target practice...

[Tengu_temp]

Three most excellent inventions - gigantic ships, killer robots and black hole guns! Time to combine them into a most powerful military vehicle - a gigantic mech that shoots black holes. I'll make it my personal unit, of course.

[tarbrush]

In light of the enthusiasm shown by the good Doctor, I feel some pre-emptive fleeing is in order :)

[Nerd-o-rama]

Hm. I'll test pilot this new unit just as soon as someone puts cybernetic hands on the military health plan.

[Tengu_temp]

Too small-scale. I was thinking about the other unit that shoots black holes.

[smuchmuch]

They seem to call it the Korxscrew

Warning !
Warning !

I must tell you, in light of our new warbot programming and self defense protocols, that puns of this caliber may trigger instant retaliation.

[Flickerdart]

I've been trying to locate my own GalCivII discs galaxy simulation software datachip, but it looks like Korx spies have made off with it. Who's in charge of security around here, and how did such an incompetent oaf make it to the position?

[Eldan]

Hm. I'll test pilot this new unit just as soon as someone puts cybernetic hands on the military health plan.

Huh. Honestly, what kind of idiot calls a mech "Crippled legs"?

[Mercenary Pen]

Huh. Honestly, what kind of idiot calls a mech "Crippled legs"?

Well, a Japanese one for a start.

[Cubey]

If you don't like the name Huckebein, just call it a Gundam. Because that's what it is. Just look at it.

[Nerd-o-rama]

Oh, is that what Hückebein means? I'd been wondering.

And I move that Dr. Tengsano is not nearly pimp enough to pilot the Granzon.

[Eldan]

"Hucke", not "Hücke", this one doesn't have an umlaut.

But yes, "Bein" is "leg". Hucke has several meanings, and all of them archaic, but here, it means "limping leg".

[Nerd-o-rama]

Ah, but the actually correct spelling is Hückebein. Americans are just too damn lazy to hit Alt+129.

[ZeroNumerous]

But yes, "Bein" is "leg". Hucke has several meanings, and all of them archaic, but here, it means "limping leg".

Because the Huckebein is the first 'lurching movement' into EOT-centric machines. And because Japan never fell out of love with WWII.

[Cubey]

Episode 13 - Pushing the limit

With things as they are now, there are only two galaxy-related events that may spoil my mood. The first is all my neighbours simultaneously declaring war on me.
The second...

Spoiler

Show

This.

We're operating under a time limit now! Our mission: eliminate the Korx before others reach Tech Victo... no, let me correct that. Before others advance in their research so much, I'll be forced to reach Tech Victory myself.

Other than pompous self-important Altarians, some other guys want to contact me. They're shady and untrustworthy, so I immediately recognize them as my spies.

Spoiler

Show

Hey, thanks a lot! This captured tech will be of use. Especially since what we have here is one of the better armors. And what's the best defense against Korx and their railguns? Armors, you say? What a coincidence!

Unfortunately, it seems data extraction did not proceed completely without the Drath knowing about it.

Spoiler

Show

As their leader contacts me immediately and, with a slack-jawed expression, asks for a recompensation.

I earn buckets of money per week now, bub. Take it, take these 500 billion and drown in them.

Also, my miniaturization research is completed. I'm not telling you this for any reason, other than the news robot is being amusing about it.

Spoiler

Show

Of course, even with maxed out miniaturization AND two Shrinkers, we are still way behind compared to others.
Fun times.

I'll make the Altarians share my bitterness. And also slow down their ascension attempts, but it's mostly about playing sour grapes here.

Spoiler

Show

How do you like them saboteurs?

Next, I find out who doesn't hate them completely yet.

Spoiler

Show

The Krynn, huh? Let's change that.
Of course, even with the race slowly achieving omnipotent divinity (they won't reach it before I do though), the Krynn are still too weak to go to war with the Altarians on their own, no matter how much I pay them.
But, with a quick change of perspective...

Spoiler

Show

I should feel guilty about this. Probably.

But, can you blame me when we have ascension at the stake? And despite my best efforts, Altarians will reach it. Eventually. Unless we do it first.

Spoiler

Show

Okay, 28 weeks. That's not too bad. I still have breathing room.

Next, some unusual events take place! It seems the closer to ending the struggle we are, the weirder things happen.

Spoiler

Show

Where is Titus I, I don't even know. But another Lucky Ranger will have its uses - not as my personal transport, of course not. It's too ridiculous for my refined tastes. But I hope drawing away enemy fire is enough to let its crew feel... accomplished, right before they go down with their ship.

Okay, that was a joke. Really. I do not plan to sacrifice my Rangers. You heard nothing.
*shifty eyes*

Too late! It seems the universe itself eavesdropped on my scheming, and decided to punish me with another headache.

Spoiler

Show

Now we have Altarians and the Drath trying to ascend. The projected deadline just got a little more annoying.

But I think I'll manage. Just watch the Underdog transport, as it moves through space towards its quarry.

Spoiler

Show

The Korx territory is very small now - two planets at the frontier to the far right, and a few worlds to the left, just out of this screen's range. The latter are accompanied by a huge fleet. No, the fleet does not belong to the Korx, although they have their tough-to-beat units hiding just behind the corner, I assure you. The fleet belongs to the Krynn - their technology is outdated and their ships are weak as single units, but there's just so damn many of them!
And they're mobilized because not only the Drath, but now the Altarians are waging war on them. Gee, I wonder who paid them to do that?

Speaking of payment, I was recklessly throwing money left and right during the last month or two. I wonder will it have any side effects on the galaxy-wide econo...

Spoiler

Show

My.

Another recession. It is actually quite welcome! The Underdogs are used to bad finances. Other races - not so much. This should slow down their ascension attempts.

Speaking of other races, let's meet up with them again. That's right, time for another council meeting!

Spoiler

Show

Whatever. Forget about silly politics (3 bc per planet? Come on, I know we have a crisis but does a sum that small really make a difference?), we have fighting to do.

And fighting includes sacrifices. Take this scene, for example.

Spoiler

Show

A lone Phantom of mine, just destroyed the defenders of a Korx planet. But, it has a huge fleet on its tail - and because it just fought, it is slowed down. It will not run away in time.

What can it do?

Spoiler

Show

Blaze of glory, my friends. Blaze of glory.

But the fleet that just destroyed my Phantom is nothing in numbers and firepower compared to what is after Noventa's skin. Almost all forces that Korx had on the frontier are aiming their guns at him. Run, run!

Spoiler

Show

He will do a lot of this fleeing - and he'd better do it well. I expect these forces to not be around the planets when my transports come!

Speaking of transports... wait, I receive another secret message.

Spoiler

Show

Ultimate armor that works in spite of physics or common sense is mine now! Now, where was I?

Ah yes.
Speaking of transports.

Spoiler

Show

I made a mistake, and foolishly let one of them get close to one of my planets, Hadrian.
I blame DeafnotDumb. He distracted me with his failure to die. Let's fix that - I nominate him the chief defender of Hadrian's security forces!

Spoiler

Show

That... didn't work as intended.
But at least the planet is still mine, so I guess not having my assistant killed off is but a minor side effect.

There are also another transports going for nearby Jessuins, but I spotted them when the distance was bigger than just "entering atmo any second now". So I had time to deploy countermeasures.

Spoiler

Show

To be precise - a single, economically built Space Knight.

Spoiler

Show

So weak, but so cost-efficient!

Good thing I don't plan to have it fight anything more dangerous than transports. But do not let your guard now - it's the Korx. Even their transports can kick your ass.

Speaking of kicking ass. I am working on a secret project, something that will drop my enemies to their knees. But to finish that before all my planets crumble to dust from extreme age, I need money. Lots of money.

Spoiler

Show

Desperate times call for desperate solutions. No production of any kind takes place until my funds are there!
I need about 20 000 bc. The number would be even bigger than that, but one of my worlds was busy creating this... thing, in total secrecy. It was busy for a longer while now.
In fact, most of the production took place while the colony was still under Korx regime. So secret was the work that they did not notice! Or something like that. I totally did not take existing production and change its focus into my own design, no. That would be low-class.

At the same time, the distraction provided by Hunter Noventa fleeing like mad worked.

Spoiler

Show

The planet was unguarded and has been swiftly taken over.
The other one has two battleships in orbit though. I sense trouble.

Spoiler

Show

And it's not the kind of trouble a Lucky Ranger will solve.
Seriously, what's the matter with these things? You can't dig a hole in your backyard without finding one!

No, I need something more... overwhelming. Such as - this!

Spoiler

Show

Totally not inspired by a Bongolian Deathcrab. Well, maybe a little.

Next episode: Will we manage in time? Will the Korx be beaten, or will they turn the tables on the Underdogs?

(Sorry for lack of personal cameos in this update. You can be sure it will be better the next time. Also, I'm sure we all know who is sitting on the captain's chair of my Colossus.)

[DeafnotDumb]

I'm not sure whether the Supreme Leader is displeased with me for not dying or pleased with me for heroically repelling the invasion. Knowing my luck, probably the latter.

So, could somebody send a ship to get me off this wartorn hellhole of a planet, guys? Guys? Hey, guys?

...Guys?

[Triaxx]

Ah ha! My Transporter Device works!

Unfortunately it only connects between Hadrian and the main supply warehouse for Harmony Crystals!

DnD is going to be very mad if he ever gets off the planet. IF.

[Flickerdart]

I'm not sure whether the Supreme Leader is displeased with me for not dying or pleased with me for heroically repelling the invasion. Knowing my luck, probably the latter.

So, could somebody send a ship to get me off this wartorn hellhole of a planet, guys? Guys? Hey, guys?

...Guys?

A morale drone has been dispatched to make your stay more comfortable. All ships are currently occupied in the war effort. Frankly, if a ship shows up, it'll be to take you to get shot at somewhere else.

[tarbrush]

Gah! A ship destroyed by failure to flee fast enough! Have I taught you nothing, Underdogs?!?! For shame, for shame.

In other news, the Ministry of Flight will now be offering remedial and refresher courses at discounted rates! Sign up now for "Fleeing Like a Small Child 102", "Is Discretion the Better or the Only Part of Valour?" and for advanced trainees "How to Have Never Been There In The First Place Anyway". Advanced Zen and/or Advance Time Travel required for the third option. Places are limited, so book early :)

[ObadiahtheSlim]

It seems our propaganda efforts have backfired. Other races were so enthralled by our technological singularity movies that they have tried to duplicate our research. We shall correct this in our next batch of films.