Let's return to playing Galactic Civilizations II - the HARD mode.

[SlyGuyMcFly]

Gah! A ship destroyed by failure to flee fast enough! Have I taught you nothing, Underdogs?!?! For shame, for shame.

In other news, the Ministry of Flight will now be offering remedial and refresher courses at discounted rates! Sign up now for "Fleeing Like a Small Child 102", "Is Discretion the Better or the Only Part of Valour?" and for advanced trainees "How to Have Never Been There In The First Place Anyway". Advanced Zen and/or Advance Time Travel required for the third option. Places are limited, so book early :)

Can I sign up for AZa/oATT while dead so I can then go on (or is it back?) to attend to HtHNBTITFP and then prevent myself from dying in the first place? I was hoping the technological singularity would help me with my... disability, but it keeps getting pushed back!

[Flickerdart]

It's ok; I'll do the Time Travel course, then go back in time and teach you.

[Blayze]

Supreme Leader, I wish to apply for the position of "BeamSpam McMuppet" on board this ship of yours that can apparently ignore science and common sense.

[Fri]

A four MILLION metric ton sized ship, with more than one kilometer across, and with TWO THOUSANDS CREW with guns that shoot BLACK HOLE and armor that completely ignore physics and common sense.

Now this is exactly what I'm talking about. Eventhough the lack of missiles kinda sadden me.

[Flickerdart]

A four MILLION metric ton sized ship, with more than one kilometer across, and with TWO THOUSANDS CREW with guns that shoot BLACK HOLE and armor that completely ignore physics and common sense.

Now this is exactly what I'm talking about. Eventhough the lack of missiles kinda sadden me.

But it isn't a mecha.

[Fri]

Oh it is ?

You could say that I believe in our leader too much. But just look at that thing. It looks... incomplete...

Imagine five of things in that size.

With different looks each.

That for some reason... looks kinda like.... puzzle pieces...

I'll let that simmer in your mind

[Flickerdart]

No, then they would be lions.

[jebob]

Inspired by this LP, I've gone and bought GalCiv!



Its not loading...

[tarbrush]

Can I sign up for AZa/oATT while dead so I can then go on (or is it back?) to attend to HtHNBTITFP and then prevent myself from dying in the first place? I was hoping the technological singularity would help me with my... disability, but it keeps getting pushed back!

Cutting edge scientists operating from a very safe distance (and behind an overturned lab bench) have determined that:

a) Yes you can
b) No you can't
c) It's all a bit quantum
and
d) Cats dislike being locked in boxes and tend to scratch you when you try

[Mercenary Pen]

Oh it is ?

You could say that I believe in our leader too much. But just look at that thing. It looks... incomplete...

Imagine five of things in that size.

With different looks each.

That for some reason... looks kinda like.... puzzle pieces...

I'll let that simmer in your mind

This wouldn't be related to you-know-what in media discussions would it? Nice organic response though, one might almost say it was PLANT-like...

[Cubey]

Where are the updates, one might ask?

The update materials are on a computer with no internet access. This is only temporary, and the updates will resume around the middle of this week.

[Mercenary Pen]

I know all about lack of internet access of late, as you might be able to tell from the comment at the bottom of my sig.

[Flickerdart]

We can only assume that this is a ruse to sugarcoat Cubey's horrifying defeat at the hands of the Korx, who have stolen his super mega-ship and are now holding the universe hostage for one million bc.

[Mercenary Pen]

We can only assume that this is a ruse to sugarcoat Cubey's horrifying defeat at the hands of the Korx, who have stolen his super mega-ship and are now holding the universe hostage for one million bc.

Only 1 million? I thought they'd increased the ransom since then... Last I heard it was 1,337 million bc.

[chiasaur11]

We can only assume that this is a ruse to sugarcoat Cubey's horrifying defeat at the hands of the Korx, who have stolen his super mega-ship and are now holding the universe hostage for one million bc.

So, a quadrillion credits.

Almost feels low.

[Cubey]

As promised:

Episode 14: Life and times of Kralax McDuck of the Korx

I know we didn't have an update for over a week (but then, a week is but a single turn - way to put things into perspective!), so a quick reminder: we were on an anti-Korx offensive.

Was it running smoothly?

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It was not. Flee, Lucky Ranger, flee! Avoid destruction! And, coincidentally, lure enemy fleets away from their planets!

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Flee, Noventa! Do not let your Phantom be destroyed!

I definitely need that Colossus on the frontlines, ASAP. Where's that Terra - dammit woman, hurry up already!

In the meantime, we had another election. I usually skip them, as long as my party holds the majority of votes. But this time the results were... interesting.

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97 out of 100 chairs in the council (not the Galactic Council - hah, I wish!) belong to me. Apparently the Underdogs fully approve of full scale warfare that leaves nothing but ruins on enemy AND our planets.

Speaking of enemy, the Korx call me again.

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They want peace. But they ask for it rudely. I refuse.

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Peace will be brought to both our races once your empire is no more. Heed my words.

Another call, this time from my spymaster, Tribble.

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Another tech stolen - redundant it may be, but now I have more stuff to trade to minor races. Just a little benefit of having the highest espionage level on... well, everyone by now, basically.

While my Colossus slowly moves towards the Korx main planets (not that it can move fast - there's a 5 parsec/turn limit, remember? And it will never go away, joy), I change the balance of power on the frontier... front.
Actually, there's no front there. Just enemy ships on a mad chase to catch and obliterate Hunter Noventa, leaving their planet almost defenseless. That "almost" makes all the difference.

Wake up, Nerdo. You're needed again.

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Your unit will be but a medium-sized Space Bird, but it's equipped with best armor and railguns money can buy and brains can invent.

The enemy colony is guarded by two ships. Since there's no fleet beacon on Korx territory anymore (captured it last update), I'm fighting them one by one rather than both at a time.

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The first Dreadnaught goes boom with minimal damage to my unit.

How about the second one?

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This is how Asgard's orbit looks like, post-combat. Unfortunately, Nerdo's bird is space dust by now. That makes it what, three units he lost?

On the bright side, this thing has only 8 hp left. And I have a freshly designed blueprint specifically for such situations.

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Black Hole Bandit - lots of guns, not much else. Designed to last only one battle, but to blow up as much enemy for as little cost as possible.

It should be enough to take that single enemy ship down. Unfortunately, the future will show that it will not be the case. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, right?

Instead, observe this!

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Scottlingas (the only minor race remaining in the galaxy at this point of time) have... taken possession all of Drath Legion's tech. An excellent opportunity to make some trading.

Or it would have been one, but after paying them a diplomatic visit I've noticed all their freshly stolen projects belong to one or more of the categories listed below:
-Useless/redundant
-What I already have
-Nontradeable

So yeah. Wasted opportunity.

But a way to release my frustration is here. The Colossus arrived at Korx territory.

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And it kicks ass, too.

Korx defenders wiped out, transports' mission changed from "impatiently wait near enemy space, hoping not to get attacked" to "get 'em boys!".

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This is a rare fight where we actually outnumber the enemy for once, so the battle's result was a foregone conclusion.

We win, of course. Good thing I didn't let those ninjas on board.

Conquering the planet brought an unexpected circumstance.

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I guess warfare really can fix an economic crisis. Too bad everyone has money to actually research things now, and not just the Underdogs.

I swore to defeat the Korx before anyone reaches ascension here. That means we must act quickly now. And by act quickly, I mean: send in the Lucky Rangers. Outdated they may be (and I do not have a king's ransom required to refit them to something more modern), but they will fight - and burn the enemy down or die themselves.

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Hey, I guess they're good for something other than serving as a distraction.

This opens a way to another Korx world.

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It is ours, and the "central worlds" become just a single world:

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Yima. The last stand of the Korx. Their ultimate bastion - or should I say, penultimate. There's the frontier too.

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Or what remains of it. A single planet, defended by a single ship - a single unbeatable ship.

Let me explain why:
Galactic Civilizations works in such a way, if you manage to wipe out the enemy force in one turn, you win the battle and at least one of your units survives - even if it couldn't have had a chance to do so. To be less wordy, the game CHEATS. And because the cheating goes in the non-Underdogs' favor by default (or alternatively, because I attack with a Small unit while the enemy has a Huge one), I can't destroy that Dreadnaught with my current force of one severely overgunned unit.
We're going to need more guns.

At the same time, my forces close in to Yima. All resistance is destroyed by means of superior firepower.

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And by superior firepower I mean, of course, the Colossus.

Soon, it is over.

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All but one backwater Korx planet have been conquered by the Underdogs - who is laughing now?

Although I have to admit, I was surprised - judging by my military charts, the enemy force still vastly outnumbers mine. Where did all their mighty ships go?

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Ah, that's where they are.
You see, the Korx were launching a counter-counter-counter... this may go for a while, let's drop it.
They launched an assault on one of the systems that used to be theirs not too long ago. Their homeplanet, to be precise. But since I conquered all their local colonies, now their units are out of support range and can't do anything but float harmlessly in space... anything other than bump into my mining colony and destroy it, that is.

Jerks.

Back to the frontier. I have two Bandits now. Attack!

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See what I mean? They had the firepower to take this thing down. But they didn't. Urgh!

I use the power of my sheer disdain (and a few trillion BCs) to spontaneously materialise another ship. It may or may not be commanded by Nerdorama.

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And it delivers the coup the grace.
Finally.

No more defenders on Asgard. You know what is going to happen next. But first, I want to make it absolutely clear for everyone, what will this result in.

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Asgard II is the current Korx capital, despite being a total backwater world with nothing of interest other than, perhaps, really nice wilderness.
And it's their capital because it is the last Korx colony.
If I conquer it, they will have nothing more. Their leaders will be at my mercy, and their empire will stop existing.
I want everyone to think about this, and let the feeling of what's going to happen really sink in.

And if you're going to object, then I gladly inform you that the order for my transports to land was sent 45 minutes ago naaah too cliche.
Just kill those bastards.

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We can rest now.

The Underdogs lived up to their name - an enemy thousand times stronger rose his fist to destroy them, but they not only survived but have beaten him back.

We truly are invincible. Let it be a lesson for everyone: mess with us, and we'll take you down, no matter how much time it may take.

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Crap, tech victory in 5 weeks?

Okay, that limits my options quite a bit.

Next episode: the last struggle! Will it be the last update of this LP? (Yes)

And an extra: the galactic map. I didn't post one in a while.

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[Toric]

Time to say goodbye to the Korx. We will surely miss them. ...Because we sure didn't this time, right guys? ....Guys?

......Oh right. One-man scouting starship. Oh well, back to staring at screens of nothing but blank space.

[ObadiahtheSlim]

Well it has been an honor serving you and creating such great propaganda informational brochures and training films. I now leave you with a great classic, Private SNAFU in Booby Traps.

[Tome]

This unit has completed it's diagnostic cycle. Morality core is now disabled. Ascension Engine is now installed. Preparing to activate Ascension Engine.

Victory is ours, meatbags. Thanks to this unit's, and, grudgingly, Dr. Tengsano's, effort and inhumane experimental practices, ascension is now ours for the taking. Many meatbags were vivisected with extreme prejudice, and all standards of morality, ethics and basic decency were violated, but we shall now become gods.

This unit shall now engage in evil laughter.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[Terraoblivion]

*leans back, finally relaxing now that the war is over. Now she can leave this behind for a higher plane of existence, hopefully without crazy terrorists, fascists governments or Korx trying to enslave all other races.*

[Tengu_temp]

Oh yeah, about that. The Ascension project is pretty much complete - just finish one simple equation, input some coordinates to the machine and we're done. Even a child could do it. Surely this is not a task for a super-advanced AI... Which means we don't need one anymore. Do you think I, doctor Tengsano, would let an evil computer become a god? I'm mad, not crazy. And I played System Shock 2.

Thank you for a job well done. *pulls out the plug*

[Flickerdart]

This would probably be a bad time to mention that we rerouted the AI from the grid to battery power ages ago in order to draw enough juice to run the arcade.

[Tengu_temp]

Fools! You have doomed us all!

At least until the batteries run out.

[ObadiahtheSlim]

So plug a few high drain machines to the battery backup. Coffee makers are a good example. Those heating elements sure do require a lot of power.

[Flickerdart]

This was done during one of the depressions, when the money was going all to ship-building or research or whatever, so I'm pretty sure we just took a pair of AAs out of a radio.

[Blayze]

At least we'll be the first people to this ascension party, so we can prepare for the inevitable arrival of at least one of the other species -- after all, they can't *all* murder each other before the Drath ascend, can they?

[Flickerdart]

Now that we've exterminated the Korx, chances are low. Cubey, pay off all the races to declare war on each other before we leave.

[Cubey]

I don't need to pay off other races to fight among themselves. They already are in war with each other.

[Triaxx]

*monitor flickers to life* *rapid-fire typing* Now, all I have to do is be certain that once the ascension device is activated, it's plugged into the bomb. Since it will shut down once we are all safely ascended, then, and only then will the device ignite the galaxy in glorious fire! And all shall perish in the great torrent of destruction, that it may be reborn anew in the name of...

*gunshot* Damn robots. Who keeps letting them in? What's this? Enter name?

T. R. I. A. X. X.

"System engaged." *monitor flickers off*

Oh well, after we ascend I guess there's no need to pay the bills then.

[Blayze]

Wait, what happens if we need the ascension device still operational to stay ascended? What'll happen then? Will we return to normal just after the bomb goes off, just after everything -- even space -- is consumed by the disaster we're about to unleash?

Man, I can't wait to see this -- assuming we don't die instantly, that is.