Stay away from my animal friend, darn it.

[Sweet]

I swear to god, every time I play a druid, paladin, ranger, or a spellcaster with a familiar in D&D or (recently) Pathfinder, somebody tries to jack my critter. They just decide that they're entitled to swipe my furry/feathered/whatever friend. This goes beyond just wanting to roleplay with it.

Last time, it was a druid that thought my paladin mount should be hers. She kept casting "Speak with Animals" and demanding to talk with my mount. The DM would shrug and gesture at me. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for taking more unique opportunies to RP, but then the rest of the party would have to watch me be forced to play Mr. Ed for ten minutes and tell the druid that I was fine with the paladin (... which was my PC) and didn't really care to "switch teams." She was persistent. She would tell everyone that she thought she was making headway.

In the current group, the dragon blooded sorceress is trying to charm my druid's velociraptor animal companion. Because it is a "dragon" and she has more of a connection to it then I. She, like that druid from before, wishes to dictate how my companion and I interact. On a few occasions she's made the attempt in combat. I've been accused of keeping the velociraptor as a slave. I just... man, I don't know. I don't know what she wants from me. I'll tell her I'm splitting my share of treasure with my "dragon" partner. I don't have enough ranks in Diplomacy for this.

Other times include when I made the mistake of choosing a cat as my wizard's familiar; the monk... she just straight up took it. She took my familiar. Wouldn't give it back. Another time, as a ranger, I had a horse companion. I wouldn't let the barbarian ride it, so he ate it. Ate my damn horse. Damn barbarians. I should note that these are pretty much all different groups over the years, often with common players between them, but different offenders in almost every case. I'm beginning to suspect a conspiracy.

FML. I need to stop playing classes with animal friends. I'm never mistreating the creature, but this almost always happens anyways. This never happens to any other players that I know.

[GoodbyeSoberDay]

A housecat might actually kill a monk at level 1.

All that said, I suppose you have the right to be paranoid about your animal companions/familiars/et cetera. So while I normally wouldn't advocate putting spell traps on animal companions like you would a spellbook, for you it might be worthwhile.

[Drakevarg]

Kill 'em in their sleep. It's the best solution for everything.

[Zore]

This actually sounds like a fairly major out of game issue, have you talked to any of the other players before/after a session and asking them why? Do they do it to all animal friends anyone has or just yours? Are they doing it only because their character would or is their an out of game motivation as well?

[Gorgondantess]

This is not your problem. This is the other player's problem. Kindly ask the DM to put a stop to it. Don't just look at him, tell him you're not happy with the way this is working. Killing/stealing an animal companion is just as bad as inter-party theft. If your DM doesn't put a stop to inter-party theft, you're playing with the wrong DM.

[The Cat Goddess]

Warn the Sorceress that your dino companion is just that, a companion... not a tame beast... and it might bite her.

Paladin's Horse is a Celestial Magical Beast... Speak with Animals won't work. Or, you have the Paladin's Horse (just as Lawful Good as said Paladin) lecture the Druid on her moral failings.

Monk grabs a cat, cat scratch's Monk's hand/face. Not all cats are nice, cuddly creatures... in fact, most aren't, especially around strangers.

What alignment was your Ranger? A CG Ranger might abandon the Barbarian who ate his horse companion... a CN Ranger might put an arrow or two through said Barbarian in his sleep.

[Greenish]

Toss the person to call your dino a "dragon" with Monster Manual and a biology book of your choosing.

[Fizban]

Tell them to knock it off? Your animal companion/special mount/familiar is not some NPC they can toy with, it's one of your class features and they have no right to mess with it. They all follow your orders and would not "leave" you for any reason. If you need to deal with the DM, then tell him you've ordered your companion not to talk to anyone but you without your permission, or just not to talk to whatever character is giving you grief.

Really, I don't see where this idea is coming from. Can you talk a cleric's god into giving you spells instead of him? I think not. Same thing.

[Sweet]

Warn the Sorceress that your dino companion is just that, a companion... not a tame beast... and it might bite her.

I've tried. Doesn't phase her Chaotic Neutral keister. For actually following through with that threat... well, I have trouble bringing myself to actually ever deal damage to another player's character. Which may be part of my problem.

Paladin's Horse is a Celestial Magical Beast... Speak with Animals won't work. Or, you have the Paladin's Horse (just as Lawful Good as said Paladin) lecture the Druid on her moral failings.

I actually did try this for a while! But then the player gave me this really forlorn expression when I was challenging the integrity of her character, so I just hung my head and took the crazyness like a man. In the end, I think I only encouraged her.

Monk grabs a cat, cat scratch's Monk's hand/face. Not all cats are nice, cuddly creatures... in fact, most aren't, especially around strangers.

What alignment was your Ranger? A CG Ranger might abandon the Barbarian who ate his horse companion... a CN Ranger might put an arrow or two through said Barbarian in his sleep.

Same problem as with the sorceress and the dinosaur. My best hope with the cat and the monk was to try to pass a series of really unlikely grapple checks.

[cheezewizz2000]

Solutions:

Have a "paw-shy" dog - one that REALLY doesn't like being touched.

Get ultra-defensive over your animal companion. You're a full caster druid with the terrifying power of the cosmos (thinly disguised as nature) at your command. Also, you're a bear/tiger/oscelot. Bring your fluffy, savage bulk and world-killing might to bear. As soon as that barbarian got out his skinnin' knife, he should have been inside a tree.

Edit: ah, ranger. Sorry. In that case, yeah, midnight revenge assassinations. Next time, let him ride it. Ride checks opposed to your handle animal skill. Carry the barbarian around the battlefield where YOU want him to be.

In the case of Druids hitting on your Paladin mount, play along. Have your mount like the druid better. It'll be fun role-play, keep her happy and allow you some passive-agressive fun. "No, I'm not summoning it for you. No you can't have it, it's mine". Then when you do summon it when you really need it, have it lick her or something. It'll be fun for both of you, and your friends will tell stories of your Paladin and the horse that didn't like you.

Case of the familiar? Less sure of that one. Ask your DM if your familiar can dimention door to you as a free action. He may allow it. Failing that, you're a wizard, liberally apply buffs to all party members except the monk, and have your cat "deliver touch range spells" when ever you cast them. Say it's not something that you can control and that you need the cat to be with you because you're the only one immune.

Edit: Carrying the cat makes buff spells from you ineffective, cosmic link between master and familiar, that sort of excuse. Why do harmful spells work? Magical co-evolution - Familiars can deliver touch spells from their masters because it's a powerful (super)natural defense.

On, and as for the dragon/velociraptor thing. Have the velociraptor like her more, similar to the Paladin Mount, but go all out squick. Ever try to stop the advances of an amorous velociraptor?

[tuesdayscoming]

My word, it would be great fun to play a character who had had this sort of thing happen to them in the past. The potential for chaotic, paranoia driven mayhem is simply splendid.

That's a horrible coincidence for you, though. Not terribly fond of losing my furry companions. Obviously, a terrible conspiracy is at work against you.

[kamikasei]

I've tried. Doesn't phase her Chaotic Neutral keister. For actually following through with that threat... well, I have trouble bringing myself to actually ever deal damage to another player's character. Which may be part of my problem.

Your unwillingness to engage in PvP is not the problem. Their willingness to behave badly towards you is. Tell them to stop.

[Sweet]

Solutions:
On, and as for the dragon/velociraptor thing. Have the velociraptor like her more, similar to the Paladin Mount, but go all out squick. Ever try to stop the advances of an amorous velociraptor?

This... warrants some consideration. But what if her tolerance for squick is higher than mine? If I start a game of chicken and lose, couldn't it get that much worse?

EDIT- Er, I'd like to note that this thread was meant to be slightly tongue in cheek. It is a weird coincidence that I always get razzed in this matter, but I'm not actually chagrined to the point of disliking the people I'm playing with.

[Coidzor]

Is this the same ass player who does this? Because it sounds like it's just that the player is an ass.

Do you just attract asses? It seems like you just attract asses and that they've identified you as easily pushed around so they've decided to make a protracted joke of a tradition out of it, at least amongst the connected players.

[Biffoniacus_Furiou]

Make your pet take a dump in their shoe when you make camp. When everyone is getting up, inform them that when they put their boot on, they stick their foot into a big steaming pile at the bottom, and it gets all in between their toes and everything. That's the critter telling them to leave it alone, not you telling them.

[cheezewizz2000]

This... warrants some consideration. But what if her tolerance for squick is higher than mine? If I start a game of chicken and lose, couldn't it get that much worse?

It depends on your tolerance. I would say that if you "do go through with it", then it'll be a funny RP story to tell afterwards. If you wouldn't want to do that, then take her to one side and ask her politely to stop trying to take your animal companion because it is ruining your enjoyment of the game.

I think my Paladin's mount suggestion would work well here too. Go along with it, have the velociraptor like her more. At the end of the day, it's your class feature and you can still use it in combat as normal, but have it perhaps go out of its way to defend her more often, and out of combat have it hang around with her more.

It'll make the game more fun for her, and you will get some RP enjoyment out of it as well.

[Rising Phoenix]

This... warrants some consideration. But what if her tolerance for squick is higher than mine? If I start a game of chicken and lose, couldn't it get that much worse?

EDIT- Er, I'd like to note that this thread was meant to be slightly tongue in cheek. It is a weird coincidence that I always get razzed in this matter, but I'm not actually chagrined to the point of disliking the people I'm playing with.

Start a lecture on how half-dragons come to be...Half-dragons/ gelatinous cubes in particular. Then ask her if she really wants to 'mess' with your 'dragon'?

[Savannah]

Huh. I had that problem once and was shocked that it even happened; hopefully it's not common. I had a druid with a wolf companion and this one halfling party member kept trying to get me to let her ride my wolf. Could not seem to get it through the player's skull that it was a freakin' wolf, not a dog or a toy, and wolves generally don't go in for being ridden. (The DM was on my side, in fact he was playing the wolf.)

You might have your animal threaten whoever is trying to butt in on your relationship. I know in my case the player finally stopped after the wolf snarled at her each time she asked. (The wolf was, apparently, not just a wolf and understood a bit of common...but that's not the point, just go with whenever the sorceress comes too near or something.)

If that doesn't work, flat out tell her outside of the game that she's being a pain. The veloceraptor is your faithful friend and will never "switch sides", so she'd might as well knock it off because you are getting tired of it (if she says it's funny or something, tell her that it has happened to you repeatedly and you are tired of it). If she really wants her own, she can multiclass

I'm going to disagree with the people telling you to just let the animal like someone else better. That rewards the other player for being a jerk by trying to steal your class feature.

[cheezewizz2000]

I'm going to disagree with the people telling you to just let the animal like someone else better. That rewards the other player for being a jerk by trying to steal your class feature.

That is one way to look at it, but the way I see it is this: D&D is a game, and a game is all about having fun. One of the players wants to play with your toy. You can either obstinately refuse, which will strain the relationship between the players, or you can share. It is a class feature, and more to the point it is your class feature so you can do with it as you will, but it affects you personally in no way if you let the other player have their fun. Who knows, you might get some enjoyment out of it as well, and the DM might be kind enough to hand out some RPexp for your role-playing.

More importantly, the other players will get a kick out of it as well, and I'm sure they will continue to tell stories of how A) you're a really fun guy to roleplay with, and B) how awesome/funny it was that the Druid's animal companion liked the sorcerer better.

[Ashram]

Remember that in all cases except for an animal companion, a familiar and a paladin's mount are typically summoned and can be dismissed (At will for familiar, certain times a day for mount). If you don't want people messing with your animals, dismiss them as you see fit.

[Sweet]

@cheezewizz

*sigh* I think you're right. I think the easiest thing may be to bite the bullet once again. I have one level as a rogue, so at low levels I was fairly dependent on flanking with my animal companion. I'm getting to that level where I can stand on my own, so strategically, it makes a little bit of sense to have the animal companion running interference for the sorceress.

Rassa-frackin' dinosaur might actually start buying into all this "dragon" nonsense. Delusions of grandeur, I tell ya! Next thing you know she'll be digging through my pack, not for my spare rations, but for coin. Trying to make herself a little hoard to sleep on.

... but I'm drawing the line at letting her [EDIT- the sorceress] put anymore bows on the velociraptor. She's making her look like Birdo from Super Mario Bros 2.

[cheezewizz2000]

@cheezewizz

*sigh* I think you're right. I think the easiest thing may be to bite the bullet once again. I have one level as a rogue, so at low levels I was fairly dependent on flanking with my animal companion. I'm getting to that level where I can stand on my own, so strategically, it makes a little bit of sense to have the animal companion running interference for the sorceress.

Rassa-frackin' dinosaur might actually start buying into all this "dragon" nonsense. Delusions of grandeur, I tell ya! Next thing you know she'll be digging through my pack, not for my spare rations, but for coin. Trying to make herself a little hoard to sleep on.

... but I'm drawing the line at letting her [EDIT- the sorceress] put anymore bows on the velociraptor. She's making her look like Birdo from Super Mario Bros 2.

Continue to set up flanks for yourself, but if things go south your velociraptor can save the day. Also, a velociraptor with delusions of grandeur is amazing.

"Guys, can you help me out?"
"What"
"Gordon..." *snarl from dinosaur* "Sorry, Thraxisillis the Terrible" *purr* "won't go to sleep unless it's on a pile of money. Can you just pile your magic items up here please"
"Seriously?"
"Look, it's either that, or we all stay awake while Thrax throws a hissy fit. Do you want that? I don't!"

[Greenish]

Continue to set up flanks for yourself, but if things go south your velociraptor can save the day. Also, a velociraptor with delusions of grandeur is amazing.

"Guys, can you help me out?"
"What"
"Gordon..." *snarl from dinosaur* "Sorry, Thraxisillis the Terrible" *purr* "won't go to sleep unless it's on a pile of money. Can you just pile your magic items up here please"
"Seriously?"
"Look, it's either that, or we all stay awake while Thrax throws a hissy fit. Do you want that? I don't!"

Really, now.

[Avilan the Grey]

@cheezewizz

*sigh* I think you're right. I think the easiest thing may be to bite the bullet once again. I have one level as a rogue, so at low levels I was fairly dependent on flanking with my animal companion. I'm getting to that level where I can stand on my own, so strategically, it makes a little bit of sense to have the animal companion running interference for the sorceress.

Rassa-frackin' dinosaur might actually start buying into all this "dragon" nonsense. Delusions of grandeur, I tell ya! Next thing you know she'll be digging through my pack, not for my spare rations, but for coin. Trying to make herself a little hoard to sleep on.

... but I'm drawing the line at letting her [EDIT- the sorceress] put anymore bows on the velociraptor. She's making her look like Birdo from Super Mario Bros 2.

I have to repeat the question from upthread: Do you attract asses? It also sound like you have a "Lousy DM" problem, or you have not made it clear to the DM how much you detest this (it should be obvious though).

To mess with a familiar / animal companion is equal to demanding that the fighter parts with his +2 family heirloom greatsword of doomidy doom; after all, "it likes you better".

At this point I would definitely have the raptor attack the sorceress, hopefully it has enough HP so that she will die and or learn a lesson before it is toast. Of course if it turns into a fight or she runs to you and complain, side with your companion! She should know better than to pet strange dogs dinos.

[Pink]

I can't help but think an animal companion that attacks a PC (or even puts a poo in a shoe) isn't long for the world unless you have an ally of some sort on this matter. Especially with animal companions, there's no real penalty for losing one, you can get a new one right away. And PCs are afterall, very very violent.

[Greenish]

I can't help but think an animal companion that attacks a PC (or even puts a poo in a shoe) isn't long for the world unless you have an ally of some sort on this matter. Especially with animal companions, there's no real penalty for losing one, you can get a new one right away. And PCs are afterall, very very violent.

I agree, you'd better kill 'em all while they sleep.

[Drascin]

That is one way to look at it, but the way I see it is this: D&D is a game, and a game is all about having fun. One of the players wants to play with your toy. You can either obstinately refuse, which will strain the relationship between the players, or you can share. It is a class feature, and more to the point it is your class feature so you can do with it as you will, but it affects you personally in no way if you let the other player have their fun. Who knows, you might get some enjoyment out of it as well, and the DM might be kind enough to hand out some RPexp for your role-playing.

More importantly, the other players will get a kick out of it as well, and I'm sure they will continue to tell stories of how A) you're a really fun guy to roleplay with, and B) how awesome/funny it was that the Druid's animal companion liked the sorcerer better.

Somehow, I doubt the kind of players that think trying to get other player's animal companion to "switch sides" and dislike its master, or plain taking their familiar away just because they want, or eating another character's animal companion for ****s and giggles, are funny, are the kind of people who will think of anyone as "fun to roleplay with" - except in the punching bag way. Mostly, it strikes me as a mark of serious selfishness. Not to mention more than a bit contrived - so wait, the Paladin and his steed have shared dozens of battles helping one another like true comrades in arms (and let's not forget Paladin horses are almost as smart as commoners), and suddenly this druid comes and talks to it every now and then, and because she's a druid the magical beast from Heaven has to like her better? Yeah, not seeing it.

Really, I'd suggest talking about it with your DM, about how you're starting to get tired of people making thinly velied attempts to wrestle your animal companions from you. That's what we DMs are here for, man.

[Avilan the Grey]

Somehow, I doubt the kind of players that think trying to get other player's animal companion to "switch sides" and dislike its master, or plain taking their familiar away just because they want, or eating another character's animal companion for ****s and giggles, are funny, are the kind of people who will think of anyone as "fun to roleplay with" - except in the punching bag way. Mostly, it strikes me as a mark of serious selfishness. Not to mention more than a bit contrived - so wait, the Paladin and his steed have shared dozens of battles helping one another like true comrades in arms (and let's not forget Paladin horses are almost as smart as commoners), and suddenly this druid comes and talks to it every now and then, and because she's a druid the magical beast from Heaven has to like her better? Yeah, not seeing it.

Really, I'd suggest talking about it with your DM, about how you're starting to get tired of people making thinly velied attempts to wrestle your animal companions from you. That's what we DMs are here for, man.

Exactly; I missed this advice the first time but I definitely disagree with Cheezewizz2000's advice. These people are at best ignorant, rude and obstinate, and at worst extremely immature (the barbarian's player seems to be a very young boy, is that true?).
Anyway, "Having fun" is not the same thing as bullying another player for fun (which is what this about). The person being bullied should talk to the DM, and if that does not help he needs to get new friends, who, you know, actually are friendly.

[Kaun]

I would wait till it was my watch then gut the sorceror in their sleep then let the raptor eat her.

Sends a message thats hard to deny.

[Shinizak]

Have it play nice while you're around, maybe even pretending to like the other players as well. But when you're gone the rules change. Without it's friend to guide it, that velociraptor goes back to it's nature and FLIPS THE F--- OUT! That friendly sorceress suddenly looks like more of a meal then she did 5 minutes ago. that could actually be an RP point also, why keep a velociraptor around when you could have something much safer? maybe you're really a woodland knight of some kind. Maybe the velociraptor really is a dragon that has been feeble minded and had it's wings removed, but somehow you dull the enchantment.