Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: Bard is not a valid choice

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot ask who's carrying the nun's piano.
* My character's desire for organised religion cannot be 'nun'.
* Cannot kill the DMPC.
** Despite the fact that I literally fought against it's inclusion.
*** And the fact the DM wanted them to be a higher level than the party.

* Must remember that, as this is the internet, people expect all female parties to be lesbian harems.

[Gallade]

* If a person is walking towards me with a hand outstretched and talking a language I don't understand, I should BRIEFLY consider the fact they're trying to cast Share Languages on my party before attacking them.
** I should also learn to say "Sorry I cut your hand even though you meant no harm to me" in most common languages.
***I should also not argue that they should have learned to say "Don't cut my hand, I mean you no harm" in my language first
**** I should no longer leave home without Comprehend Languages prepared.

[JAL_1138]

**** I should no longer leave home without Comprehend Languages prepared.

*****I may not bypass a combat encounter with Comprehend Languages and a couple of skill checks.
******Even if it ended the encounter with a minimum of bloodshed, almost certainly saved the lives of several bystanders who would've likely gotten caught up in the fight otherwise, and calmed down a confused and angry but non-evil creature that was arguably far more useful to the town alive than dead since it could help keep actually-evil creatures from attacking through the tunnels below, the DM will only give us half-XP because we didn't fight it to the death.
****May not try for a peaceful solution, apparently.

[DigoDragon]

* Cannot kill the DMPC.

If the DM breaks the 'Cannot have a DMPC' rule, then all bets are off here.

* I am no longer allowed to throw a fight just so the BBEG ends up killing the DMPC.
** Especially not allowed to have the entire party in on the plan just for the look on the DM's face.

[cavalieredraghi]

If the DM breaks the 'Cannot have a DMPC' rule, then all bets are off here.

* I am no longer allowed to throw a fight just so the BBEG ends up killing the DMPC.
** Especially not allowed to have the entire party in on the plan just for the look on the DM's face.

*may not create a DMPC in a game with Digo.
**May not now suddenly worry for that DMPC
***Even if DMPC is not over powered,
****Actually is rather underpowered compared to the party.

[Lacco]

If the DM breaks the 'Cannot have a DMPC' rule, then all bets are off here.

* I am no longer allowed to throw a fight just so the BBEG ends up killing the DMPC.
** Especially not allowed to have the entire party in on the plan just for the look on the DM's face.

*** If I ever again manage to participate in fight between BBEG and DMPC I am no longer allowed to use only action "Beg for my pitiful life" and "Cower in fear".
**** Even if they are completely in-character.
***** Especially if I am the one who manipulated the DMPC into the fight.
****** Especially if I can then one-shot the BBEG, showing that I could easily turn the tables in the battle.
******* This is especially valid if the reason I can one-shot the BBEG is because I manipulate the GM into giving me huge morale bonus for charge-while-shouting "He was my friend, you monster!"
******* Especially if these were DM's two favourite characters fighting for their lives.

[Anonymouswizard]

If the DM breaks the 'Cannot have a DMPC' rule, then all bets are off here.

* I am no longer allowed to throw a fight just so the BBEG ends up killing the DMPC.
** Especially not allowed to have the entire party in on the plan just for the look on the DM's face.

*** Doing it because I agree with the BBEG instead of the DMPC is not better.
**** The alignment on my character sheet is 'Chaotic Good', I should not be taking over as the campaign villain.
***** No, wait, actually, that makes a lot of sense.

* My plan cannot start with using mage hand and prestidigitation to create a 20 foot deep hole around the DMPC's bedroll while he's asleep, and then using silent image to create an illusion of 'the ground'.
** Phase 2 is not 'add spikes'.
*** Cannot use mage hand to levitate a coin above his head.
**** I didn't play the tinker gnome engineer bard (...who actually uses a 'one gnome band') so that towns wouldn't be set on fire.

[Fable Wright]

If the DM breaks the 'Cannot have a DMPC' rule, then all bets are off here.

* I am no longer allowed to throw a fight just so the BBEG ends up killing the DMPC.
** Especially not allowed to have the entire party in on the plan just for the look on the DM's face.

*** "Be professional, be polite, and have a plan to kill everyone you meet" is not the kind of phrase the DM actually expects characters to live by.
**** Not allowed to confer with a team of backup engineers when faced with something usually considered unkillable.
***** DMPCs and Mary Sues are not "the greatest game," nor should my character sheet have notches for each one taken down.
***** * Not allowed to have a second notch track for bardsniping.
***** ** "They will probably sleep with my future wife and/or daughter" is not an acceptable reason wage war on bards.
***** *** Even if it is true.

[JAL_1138]

*There is no such item as a Scroll of Detect Coffee.
**May not award Inspiration to players in exchange for coffee.

[DigoDragon]

**May not award Inspiration to players in exchange for coffee.

Heck, if it's good coffee, I'll award exp points. :D

[NRSASD]

*** "Be professional, be polite, and have a plan to kill everyone you meet" is not the kind of phrase the DM actually expects characters to live by.
**** Not allowed to confer with a team of backup engineers when faced with something usually considered unkillable.
***** DMPCs and Mary Sues are not "the greatest game," nor should my character sheet have notches for each one taken down.
***** * Not allowed to have a second notch track for bardsniping.
***** ** "They will probably sleep with my future wife and/or daughter" is not an acceptable reason wage war on bards.
***** *** Even if it is true.

***** ****May not wonder what your character sheet is made of, given that you can notch it.
***** *****May not wonder how many notches it already has.

[dspeyer]

From actual games:

* May not attempt to recruit random encounters into the party

* May not burn down the capital city
** In an effort to prevent burning down the capital city again, may not summon a giant rainstorm that causes severe flooding
*** After having done both, may not ask the survivors which was worse

* The goal of a Chistmas-themed campaign is not to find baby Jesus and eat his heart thereby acquiring his powers

* When running a Hannukah-based campaign, may not be a stickler for historical accuracy. Especially if using 3.5.

* May not hold off on picking a gender for my character until I see what's more plot-useful

* When using the Wall of Stone spell, I must select a reasonably common type of stone

* May not reinvent the entire TCP/IP stack from memory for wondrous items of sending

Things I've only thought about:

* If I'm DMing and the paladin goes to sleep with lay-on-hands unexpended in a city with hurt people, that isn't grounds for falling

* May not incorporate any material from Dungeons and Discourses into games in other systems

[Rater202]

* May not attempt to recruit random encounters into the party

**Nor may I eat the random encounters to gain their power.
***Especially if that's a real thing I can do.
****Especially if there's no limit to how many powers I can absorb.
*****Especial if I also get their abilities and not just their raw power.
******Especially if eating multiple of creatures or eating similar creatures makes my absorbed abilities stronger.
*******Especially if I gain a significant amount of the consumed enemies' powers and abilities.
********Especially if there's no limit to how many I can use at a time.
*********Especially if I can combine them into stronger or more versatile powers.
**********Especially if I don't have to eat the whole thing to absorb it's power.
***********Especially if it doen'st have to be dead when I eat it/part of it.
************I'm not allowed anywhere near the City Built Around the Tarrasque.

[Elxir_Breauer]

This is from a couple years ago, we were short a couple players and decided to continue through the plot as much as we felt we could. Keep in mind, these characters are all roughly level 5.

Spoiler: Cast

Show

Arna: Dragonwrought Kobold Dragonfire Adept (Can't remember his age, but he's pretty dang old. He adopted Tyrion at a very young age.)
Riktik: Ratfolk Artificer
Tyrion: Krynn Minotaur Fighter

There was no Friday session. It didn't happen.

The kobold did not become simultaneously the most loved and hated figure in three kingdoms.

The fact that the minotaur is a professional stripper did not come up more than once.

Nor was it actually relevant at some point.

We did not foil an ambush by having an elderly PC shout, "Get off my lawn!"

We especially did not skip the entire dungeon by arguing with said ambushers about who was there first, then befriending them.

Nor did anyone ask the ambushers for a do-over.

The minotaur fighter did not beat both insufferable know-it-alls on a knowledge check.

Nor did he solve two out of three of the riddles.

The DM did not resort to saying, "Please do not have sex with the door."

We did not find out the truth behind The Prophecy weeks early.

The phrase,"What's 'hole' in Dwarvish?" did not advance the plot.

The DM did not say, "I feel violated. My CAMPAIGN was violated."

The DM did not play through sixteen minutes of The Stanley Parable to teach the players a lesson.

[Fable Wright]

***** ****May not wonder what your character sheet is made of, given that you can notch it.
***** *****May not wonder how many notches it already has.

***** ***** * May no longer call cutting triangles out of a character sheet with scissors 'notching it'
***** ***** ** That would be telling.

[Drynwyn]

*If I summon a demon and demand the formula for an Elixir of Immortality, may not act surprised when the elixir turns me into a vampire.

**If I can sprout giant bat wings and fly as a result of being a vampire, should be wearing more then a nightgown when I try this out.

***"What's so great about the giant cancer-ball anyway" is not an acceptable response to becoming a vampire.

[Anonymouswizard]

**** May not become a vampire with the reasoning 'life already sucks'.
***** My pun license is still revoked.

[Rater202]

*Not allowed to insist on a system with a magic system that can accurately model the magic of the base setting.
**Not allowed to insist on a system where you don't arbitrarily not have access to skills or powers.
***Not allowed to insist on a system where you can actually play a starting character of 2/3s of the setting's core races
****Not allowed to offer Fate as a compromise, since it's the only system I can think off that everybody can get what they want from.
*****Not allowed to repeatedly explain that I don't want to use D&D because the magic system is incompatible with the setting and because tge character I've been working on for over a year doesn't work under that system.
******Not allowed to offer Fate Accelerated, The System we're currently using, or just screwing systems and using freeform as a compromise when another player expresses reluctance to learn a new system, citing lack of time.
*******Not allowed to feel like I wasted my time when I worked so hard to keep a game from dying and the group from breaking up, only for it to fall apart a few months later when talking about the next game.
********Not allowed to feel like it's my fault when people start bowing out because of the arguing.
*********I need to accept that I'm never going to find a solution that makes everyone happy and that all of my attempts will just end in misery.

[JAL_1138]

*"Existential-Horror Man" is not a valid superhero concept.
**May not justify it as "still a better superhero than Florida Man."
***The DM doesn't disagree, but that's too low a bar.

[NRSASD]

*I shall never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, agree to play in a game described as "the Valentine's Day Special"
**Even though it was spectacular

[Madbox]

*I may not (out of character) correct the rogue's lockpicking technique (in character).

*"Existential-Horror Man" is not a valid superhero concept.
**May not justify it as "still a better superhero than Florida Man."
***The DM doesn't disagree, but that's too low a bar.

***Albert Camus is not a valid superhero, either.

[JAL_1138]

***Albert Camus is not a valid superhero, either.

****Søren Kierkegaard is right out.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Even if my only power is to switch sex, Transman is inappropriate as a superhero name.
** I can play 'Ohman' if I can give him thematic powers

[Rater202]

*I can not play as Bizzaro Floridaman.
**If I have incredible super powers, I can't live as a civilian and only fight street level crime if I happen to be there a the time.
***If I have the combined powers of The Incredible Hulk, Wolverine, The Lizard, The Scorpian, Kraven the Hunter, Carnage, 3/4s of the Fantastic Four and two different Spider-men, I need to do more super heroics than stopping the occasional mugging.
****It doen'st matter if all of their powers are at 1/10th strength at the most.
*****I need to have a secret identity.
******Again, I can not use any variation of Anti-Floridaman.
*******With that power set, I could call myself Chimera, or Menagerie, or something like that. Thus, I may not call myself Snuggles.

[JAL_1138]

*"The Edition Warrior" is not a valid superhero concept.
**May not use reality-warping powers to change the game to a previous edition of the rules.

*The answer to "what do you get if you cross Deadpool with Mr. Mxysptlk" is "vetoed."

[Anonymouswizard]

*The answer to "what do you get if you cross Deadpool with Mr. Mxysptlk" is "vetoed."

** That is the verdict, not what I put next to concept.

[goto124]

* May not hold off on picking a gender for my character until I see what's more plot-useful

** Must not suggest "female" on the basis of gender-related plot-points more likely to be friendly towards females.

[DigoDragon]

*I can not play as Bizzaro Floridaman.

I don't think anyone wants to play as anything Floridaman.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot play a wild sorcerer without telling other players of the minimum safe distance.
** I should tripple the distance I give if I'm also a Tinker Gnome.
*** GNO GNOMES!

[JAL_1138]

I don't think anyone wants to play as anything Floridaman.

But wouldn't Bizarro Florida Man be, like, a clever, effective, competent, morally-upright superhero with a lot of common sense? I mean, if you're looking for the opposite of Florida Man...