Results 1 to 30 of 40
Thread: overly active gods
-
2009-05-30, 04:22 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2007
overly active gods
Re-posted from here cuz its funny:
Guard: STOP! THIEF!
Theif: Help me out here, Olidamara!
*Olidamara manifests beside the guard*
Olidamara: Okay, this thief is under my protection, let him go or I'll smite you.
Guard: But...but...I made a vow to St. Cuthbert that I'd never let a criminal get away for as long as I live!
*Saint Cuthbert manifests on the other side of the guard*
Cuthbert: That's right, and you better keep your promise-I'm lawful so I'm verrrrrry particular about promises!
Thief: Running away now.
*Nerull manifests so as to get in the way of the Thief's get away*
Nerull: NO! You're not going anywhere! I know for a fact that Thievery is punishable by death in this town, and since I despise all life, even my own clerics-but I let them live as long as they keep killing people. By the way-CLERICS! ARE YOU STILL SACRIFICING ORPHANS IN MY NAME!?
Clerics in the distance: *sob* Yes, lord Nerull, please don't kill us!
Nerull: So anyway, If you run away, I'll smite you!
Theif: But if I don't run away, I'll die anyway!
Nerull: I know. I like see mortals squirm in hopelessness. AIN'T THAT RIGHT CLERICS!?
Clerics: S-sir, yes sir, that's quite right! *cries* H-here comes another sacrifice, sir!
Moradin: OI! That Orphan's a Dwarf! Hands off him, you fruity cultists!
Corelian: Stupid Moradin, always trying to one-up me... Alright, St. Cuthbert, lay off the guard, he's a half-elf.
Cuthbert: Oh, you never cared about half-breeds before, you just want don't want Moradin showing you off. You only really care about pure-blood elves.
Garl Glittergold: What a second, that thief is a gnome!
Fharlangh: HEY! You're all crowding up the roads! Move it!
Pelor: Is that Sun Screen? HOW DARE YOU!
Mayor: HELP US, ADVENTURERS! Our town is overrun by Gods that we can't all please them all!
Player Character:......... I'm not sure if I should say "Gods dammit!" or "Dammit, gods!"Thank you, Devil's Advocate for sending me this link so I can finally erase my old signature!
https://forums.giantitp.com/profile....=editsignature
-
2009-05-30, 04:44 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
- Location
- Croatia
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
It's very fun! Not to mention that the described circus happens for real when DMs take "gods grant power" in their settings too seriously...
There is no good and evil. There is only more and less.
- Khorn'Tal
-----------------------------------------
Kalar Eshanti
-
2009-05-30, 06:39 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Seventh star to the right
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
Mwahahahaha!! I haven't laughed this hard since my DM described burning villagers running around
Thanks for posting it here
-
2009-05-30, 07:16 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2006
- Location
- Sunnydale
Re: overly active gods
The Greek Gods were all Chaotic Absent-Minded. Too bad Gygax didn't think to include that in the D&D alignment system.
-
2009-05-30, 07:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- Koth
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
More like Chaotic Horny. "I'm going to go find some chicks who want to do it with a swan!"
Edit: Chaotic Furry?Last edited by Tsotha-lanti; 2009-05-30 at 07:19 AM.
-
2009-05-30, 07:27 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
- Location
- Norway
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
the word disgusting springs to mind.
really, I think the pantheons in D&D are to harmonic, granting spells to their followers but not demanding them fight the followers of other godscheck out my metal band: http://www.facebook.com/Dreamslain
Wash: "Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail."
-
2009-05-30, 08:17 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- Koth
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
That doesn't sound like the gods of Faerūn at all, to me. They're very active through their followers (when it's not the Time of Troubles...). Thing is, it's up to the DM just how active they are, and up to the DM to portray it.
-
2009-05-30, 08:39 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2007
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
ROTFLOL
Great story!
-
2009-05-30, 08:46 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- Australia
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
Oh my...
I've never seen Gods acting so hilariously before.
I wonder if the God of peace would try and get the rest to calm down, only to be subdued by the god of general dietic violence...
Current Avatar by Shoreward,
author of Cursed, of Course, a fantasy webcomic, right here on the forum.
-
2009-05-30, 01:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Location
- Mandelbrot set
Re: overly active gods
That is why smart players remember that the DM is the true god. Even over Ao.
That way this crap don't happen.
Looks a bit like the Disney Hercules cartoon series being played out.
-
2009-05-30, 01:24 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- Department of Smiting
- Gender
-
2009-05-30, 02:17 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Location
- Eastern NC
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
The Playgrounder Formerly Known as rtg0922
Homebrew:
"Themes of Ansalon" - A 4E Dragonlance Supplement
Homebrew Compendium
-
2009-05-30, 02:34 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Location
- UTC -6
-
2009-05-30, 02:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
To be fair to the mortal ladies, whether they wanted to or not really didn't make any difference.
Then of course you have to wonder... what was worse, Zeus forcing his affections on you in the form of [INSERT RANDOM ANIMAL AND/OR PHENOMENON HERE], or Hera getting all pissy about it afterward and taking it out on you?
I've long since said that if you're a mortal, the last thing you want is for a Greek god to notice you. The best-case scenario is that you end up as a constellation. It's like being the title character in a Shakespearean play... you're going to get some attention, but in the end, you're really going to wish you hadn't.In the Beginning Was the Word, and the Word Was Suck: A Guide to Truenamers
My compiled Iron Chef stuff!
~ Gay all day, queer all year ~
-
2009-05-30, 03:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
- Location
- Grim Up North (Michigan)
- Gender
-
2009-05-30, 05:16 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Location
- Lost in space& in meaning
- Gender
-
2009-05-30, 05:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
Re: overly active gods
Remember how I was wishing for the peace of oblivion a minute ago?
Yeah. That hasn't exactly changed with more knowledge of the situation. -Security Chief Victor Jones, formerly of the UESC Marathon.
X-Com avatar by BRC. He's good folks.
-
2009-05-30, 06:32 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
- Location
- Danville
Re: overly active gods
Yeah, but nearly everyone he left with died.
-
2009-05-30, 06:58 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2004
- Location
- Enterprise, Alabama
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
-
2009-05-30, 07:31 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Location
- Scandinavia
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
(Words spoken between a young boy and a soldier to the background of a witchhunt in the Mouse quarter, Malaz City)
"Is it true then?" Ganoes asked boldly.
"Is what true?"
"The First Sword of Empire. Dassem Ultor. We heard in the capital before we left. He's dead. Is it true? Is Dassem dead?"
The man seemed to flinch, his gaze unwavering on the Mouse. "Such is war." he muttered, under his breath, as if the words were not meant for anyone else's ears.
"You're with the Third. I thought the Third was with him, in Seven Cities. At Y'Ghatan..."
"Hoods breath, they're still looking for his body in the still hot rubble of that damned city, and here you are, a merchant's son three thousand leagues from Seven Cities with information only a few are supposed to possess." He still did not turn. "I know not of your sources, but take my advice and keep what you know to yourself."
Ganoes shrugged. "It's said he betrayed a god."
Finally the man faced him. His face was scarred, and something that might have been a burn marred his jaw and left cheek. For all that, he looked young for a commander. "Heed the lesson there, son."
"What lesson?"
"Every decision you make can change the world. The best life is the one the gods don't notice. You want to live free, boy, live quietly."
"I want to be a soldier. A hero."
"You'll grow out of it."
Excerpt from Gardens of the Moon, by Steven Erikson.
I just thought it quite suitable for the discussionBoats are like nuts, the outside is hard but the inside is usually good to eat.
And remember, things can always get worse.
-
2009-05-31, 02:18 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
Re: overly active gods
Last edited by Forbiddenwar; 2009-05-31 at 02:19 AM.
-
2009-05-31, 03:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
- Location
- Greece
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
Odysseus didn't spend 10 years of hell... His journeys actually sum up to 1 year or so. The man spent 9 years with that stunningly beautiful immortal sea nymph. Alone. On a tiny island. How bad could it have been?
As for Telegonus, well... Homer didn't write that anyway.
-
2009-05-31, 03:08 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- Department of Smiting
- Gender
-
2009-05-31, 01:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2005
Re: overly active gods
I remember reading a thread somewhere on how to create a believable fantasy story. One suggestion put forth was that a world with spellcasting should contain either (a) an explanation for why wizards don't rule the world or (b) a coalition of wizards who damn well rule the friggin' world.
If a setting has gods who function essentially as super-powerful wizards, their non-rule is potentially even more problematic than that of mortal spellcasters, for the same reasons.
There are many possible explanations for why gods, wizards, and/or sufficiently advanced aliens might not render a non-superhuman protagonist's decisions irrelevant. Probably the most plausible is that while they are far more powerful than individual humans and do rule, they don't have anything like the ability to micromanage everything directly, and will only intervene in the most important of cases.
If Olidammara has thousands of thieves pestering him at any given time, he can't give all of them his personal attention. In addition, he has interests other than bailing out your lame mortal ass when you get in over your head. Heck, "To avoid being punished for something, don't get caught doing it" is probably one of his teachings. Not his fault if you can't follow such simple advice.
-
2009-05-31, 02:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
Re: overly active gods
Heh. Forgot that bit due to thinking of Christopher Bird's Odysseus Doctor Strange team up plot at mightygodking. Agreed on the Telegonus bit, by the way. Odysseus is one of the few greek myth guys to be actually tactical and manage to piss off gods and get away with it. Having him star in "Foolish mortals try to defy prophecies of their sons killing them part LXXVIII: This time it's personal" just plays wrong.
Remember how I was wishing for the peace of oblivion a minute ago?
Yeah. That hasn't exactly changed with more knowledge of the situation. -Security Chief Victor Jones, formerly of the UESC Marathon.
X-Com avatar by BRC. He's good folks.
-
2009-05-31, 10:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
Re: overly active gods
Odysseus ... was on the sea-shore as usual, looking out upon the barren ocean with tears in his eyes, groaning and breaking his heart for sorrow.
[ Odysseus was] sitting upon the beach with his eyes ever filled with tears, and dying of sheer home-sickness; for he had got tired of Calypso, and though he was forced to sleep with her in the cave by night, it was she, not he, that would have it so. As for the day time, he spent it on the rocks and on the sea-shore, weeping, crying aloud for his despair, and always looking out upon the sea.
Both from book 5 of the Odyssey.
-
2009-06-01, 04:20 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2007
Re: overly active gods
Thank you, Devil's Advocate for sending me this link so I can finally erase my old signature!
https://forums.giantitp.com/profile....=editsignature
-
2009-06-01, 07:14 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
- Location
- Danville
-
2009-06-01, 08:04 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- England
- Gender
Re: overly active gods
Last edited by DamnedIrishman; 2009-06-01 at 08:05 AM.
Spoiler
Avatar, with thanks to the wondrous Ink. Steampunk avatar by the talented KingGolem. xkcd avatar by the fantabulous happyturtle
Current Characters:
Aldon Moorcastle (Adventurer Education)
Edwick the Magnificent (Heroes & Villains)
My Homebrew: Surikats (Race)
-
2009-06-01, 12:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2005
Re: overly active gods
The Greek gods certainly tended to act like... well, about like I'd expect mortals to act if given godlike power. But they hardly all had exactly the same character.
Hestia seems pretty much Good. Ares really was Chaotic Evil. Hades, on the other hand, wasn't especially bad. Zeus and Aphrodite were not Chaotic Good; they were self-serving hedonists.
Others I'm not so sure about. To complicate matters, the character of any god probably significantly depends on which bodies of myth you look at. The most direct interpretation of this is probably that the gods changed in personality over time. (What, you think being immortal means staying the same forever?)