The Big One-Campagin Log

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-04, 02:34 PM (ISO 8601)

Final Approach:

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At full speed we are hours away from the Eye of the Storm. With our ship banged up and limping we figure closer to a day. From the solidness of the serpent we aren’t sure if we will have a day. The time travelling is spent resting and getting ourselves back into fighting shape. Coe-Nan is back to full capacity and ready to rock. Kemen gets a fresh set of spells and for first time in what feels like ages we don’t have excessive amounts of spells shared.

Kemen: We know he is part red dragon…so immune to fire. He displayed a cold breath weapon so I am assuming he is cold immune as well. Any spells etc should be focused on acid and electric or even sonic. I think that the artifacts are going to turn the tide here. So most of our gameplan should be based on buffing up Coe-Nan and Chulainn. I plan on loading up summon spells so we can get some allies on the scene. We don’t just have Poligius but an army of frost giants as well.

Paddock: I don’t get the spear as a lance?
Kemen: If things go south sure. But we need you on spell support and healing.
Me: And the eye patch…

Kemen: We honestly don’t know what it is intended for. The legends associate Odin’s eye patch with knowledge and foresight. Beyond that we only figured out that is provides True Seeing.

Paddock: I don’t want to think that we went through that torture for True Seeing, must have other benefits.

Me: give it to Paddock…He will look cool with an eye patch.

Our rough plan is to make a final blockade run through the frost giants and try to hammer strike against Poligius. Bring Coe-Nan straight to him and have them go toe to toe with Chulainn nipping at the hybrid’s flanks. The rest of us just give them clearance and support.

As the mountain looms ever closer…we are greeted by a small army waiting before the mountain. It is compromised of Efreets and Azer all wearing black silk armbands. Their leader a efreeti Captain Sindon hails us. All told there are three to four dozen of them. He faces Chulainn and bows…

Sindon: I was there the day you brought in Tiraxis Nis’s head. I knew then you were not a man to be trifled with. The Sultan has shamed our race and abandoned his people to doom. He pressed you to fight this battle in his place. We are the few who know the truth of your deeds on the Material Plane. If our lives can buy you time to work a second miracle then we will consider them well spent.

Chulainn: We fight for reasons beyond your Sultan’s desire. Any ally is an honored friend and we will not sully this gesture…

Kemen: Bah! Quit yapping. If you want to go and die heroically by all means do it. But tell me….who is the strongest guy you got?

Sindon: That would be me.
Kemen: Come aboard, I need you up here not down there. Any of your boys have experience with siege weapons?
A couple of azer raise their hands…
Kemen: Man a weapon and help clear us a path.

Kemen seat a trio of azer at a pair of catapults and a scorpion and gives them directions to fire on any giant that is trying to hurl rocks at us. He gives the Captain the bag of holding with enchanted rocks and tells him to go nuts with it. The remaining forces are going to draw off as much frost giant attention as they can.

As the Revenge tries to punch through the frost giant blockade, the serpent is damn near corporeal. The storm is extending for miles and the gap between worlds is bare.

Coe-Nan and Chulainn with artifacts in hand are at the front of the boat and are ready to leap into action. Paddock is close behind them on his mount and I am reduced to darting back and forth to dodge boulders and counterattack the giants looking to hem us in. Kemen is way up in the main mast and steering the ship. Poligius awaits on the mountain peak.

Frost Giants are actively trying to board the ship and the efreet Captain fills the boarding parties faces with rocks. There are just too many giants and halfway up the mountainside The Revenge’s propulsion gives way and the ship groans to a halt. Kemen tosses down a rope to Paddock, and Paddock ties it to his saddle pommel…the dwarf levitates and is dragged through the air like a kite behind the cleric. The mountain is not so steep as to avoid riding, but is slows our speed a lot. Our attempt to rush Poligius is stunted and are we forced to skirmish and engage frost giants as we continue our ascent.

Once again we are faced with splitting up our assets. Paddock, Chulainn and Coe-Nan split off and head for the peak and the hybrid giant. Kemen and I use the disabled Revenge as our own personal Alamo and keep the frost giants at bay with the scant efreet and azer backup. Kemen drops lightning bolts in mass and curses his lack of fireball preparation.

Poligius is standing at the center of the storm and is stroking the now substantial serpents scales….the trio of assassins overhears him speaking to himself.

Poligius: This is it father…the gods may have snatched you from this realm, but I will hold them ransom and see you returned. Tiraxis Nis will be reborn and I will lead his armies in glorious victory!

Coe-Nan: That explains a lot…
Paddock: maybe we can reason with him and convince him this is not the way.

Coe-Nan is trembling and the axes in his hands are actively fighting to loose themselves from his grasp.

Coe-Nan: The Axes are not going to leave us that choice.
They all go to roll for initiative and Paddock is waved off…
DM: You will act first.
Paddock: ok.

Paddock holds his action as Coe-Nan charges in on the waiting and ready giant…Poligius is waiting for the rush and he lets out a great torrent of twinned breath weapon that damn near knocks Coe-Nan out of his boots. Chulainn rushes in behind him and is buffeted with a wing attack that sends him sprawled…then like a DVR in reverse the events stop and Paddock is told it is his turn to act.

The Eye Patch gives the wearer glimpses of what is about to happen. It is played off after that first round as him basically knowing what actions the Giant is preparing to take.

Paddock: Coe-Nan he is ready for you and is going to breath on you. Chulainn watch out for the wings!

Coe-Nan is given a substantial circumstance bonus and he delays his rush to allow Chulainn to go first. Chulainn ducks the wing buffet and scores a glancing shot with the spear. Coe-Nan completes his charge and Poligius’s breath weapon fizzles. Paddock continues to shout out orders and warnings as their dance begins.

Kemen and I are hard pressed to keep the giants at bay…they are not entirely interested in us and are using each action to get to their leader. Kemen trips them up with grease spells and web spells and those that do pass us open themselves up to barrages of sneak attack boosted arrows. Sindon is grinning ear to ear as he pummels the frost giants with enchanted boulders. Too many giants are trying to pass us and soon we are hitting them from range , desperately trying to drop them before they can assist Poligius.

Coe-Nan and Chulainn are benefitting from their tactical advantages and continue to nip at the giants flanks. The Axes bite deep and the gungnir spear has an effect of forcing a kind of reverse spell resistance. Poligius has to pass a check in order to use his abilities. He is damn strong and has a very deep health pool. The breath weapons that are successful are devastating. Paddock discovers a second benefit of the Eye Patch….his spells are maximized. He puts a cure critical that goes for maximum and realizes that it applies to all spells. They are holding their own and dishing out lots of damage, the combination of reverse spell resistance, maxxed spells and axes that can’t miss are giving them the edge.

Unfortunately Kemen and I are unable to buy them enough time. We are forced to chase the reinforcements up the mountain in pursuit. Suddenly the armored wizard is excruciatingly slow.

Kemen: Leave me I will catch up.
Me: Can’t we need you…Sindon!

The efreeti captain glances in my direction…I rush to him and tie the severed end of the rope that had tied to the pommel of Paddock’s horse…the other end is still around Kemen’s waist.
Me: Think you can put one of those boulders near the chief?
Kemen: Oh HELL NO!
Me: You have heard of an orcish shotput…this is the dwarvish equalivent. You might want to cut the rope upon landing…not sure if the returning will bring you back with it.

Kemen: This is crazy…you are not flinging me attached to a boulder up the side of a giant infested mountain…

Me: PULL!

Sindon makes a heck of a throw and the sound of the dwarf yelling echoes across the mountainside…

Coe-Nan and Chulainn have the giant fighting defensively, they are scoring damage and avoiding a good deal of the return attacks. Then Paddock foresees a trio of boulders smashing into Coe-Nan and he shouts out the alert. Coe-Nan and Chulainn go tumbling and a cadre of frost giants enter the fray to assist their leader.

Paddock: This is bad
“AHHHHHHHHH” *thud*

The runesmith’s levitate slows his landing but he still slams into the mountainside about 40 feet from the thick of things. This leaves me as the lone straggler a few hundred feet away from the mix of things.

Kemen dusts himself off and immediately resuming lightning bolting giants. Coe-Nan and Chulainn are forced to dance around as multiple giants are attacking them. Paddock is forced to take defenseive maneuvers as well. From afar…enchanted boulders smash into giants and then return to their wielder who is creeping up the mountain. I take the random pot shot from afar and try to hustle up.

Coe-Nan: Out of curiousity…can I see the serpent’s head?
DM: in the space between worlds overhead what might be the head is faintly visible.
Coe-Nan: I am going for it…going to use the axes as climbing gear and ascend the serpent to get to the head.

Chulainn and Kemen keep most of the giants busy and Poligius is trying to track down where Coe-Nan went. Paddock puts a flamestrike into a center mass of giants (and right on Chulainn who evades) the flame damage doesn’t touch Poligius…but the divine damage does. We get two-three rounds of successful distraction and Chulainn is starting to take too many shots.

Without Coe-Nan to draw attacks and soak damage his evasion is giving way to lucky shots. I get in close enough to pick off the wounded giants but Poligius finally looks up and see the barbarian leaving trails of glowing blood from where he is burying his axes to climb the serpent. He roars in defiance and takes wing after the barbarian. In response Coe-Nan expels all the energy in one his axes in the form of a sonic burst that buffets the hybrid. The feedback nearly knocks him unconscious but he grits his teeth and keeps going.

The Frost Giants are all closing in on Paddock and he pops Righteous Might and tries to face them head on…its not pretty. Kemen puts an acidic sculpted fireball into the bulk of the closing giants and I manage to drop one of them with bowfire.

Poligius is back to control and rapidly ascending to get Coe-Nan.

Coe-Nan: how far from the top?
DM: five rounds plus or minus 1

Coe-Nan lets loose the full energy of the second axe and again buffets Poligius, this time he makes a fort save to avoid passing out. The next round he fully escapes our world and enter the space between. As he does…the Sha Hatal spirit that subjugated the Fenrir essence breaks free from him and takes on an astral presence. The hybrid wolf/cat bounds through space and attacks the serpent.

Poligius: No! I will not be denied. This is the only way to recover my father! You will not stop me.
Me: your father is right here!

Poligius scoffs at me…”Tiraxis raised me and made me strong. He is the only father I recognize”
Me: you think that destroying reality will bring him back?
Poligius: The gods will be forced to intervene they will free back to this world.
Me: No they won’t. They don’t interfere or take part like that. You will destroy everything before they bow to your whims.
Poligius: What do you know of the gods?
Me: not much…but I do know about stalling for time…

Poligius turns to see Coe-Nan nearly upon the head of the serpent. The Sha-Hatal spirit is attacking it with ferocity but nothing fatal. Coe-Nan starts hacking away with one axe, while clinging to the serpent via the second.
Poligius sends a breath weapon at Paddock and myself that kills five of his giants and damn near kills us. He then takes wing and hurtles towards Coe-Nan.

The barbarian is taking huge amounts of feedback damage and every swing causes him to lose health. He loads up a massive power attack and takes one final swing for the fences that drops him deep into negatives. He connects for a monsterous load of damage and we see the severed head of the world serpent drift off as Coe-Nan falls back towards the mountain top. With startling speed the storm is shrinking…the Sha-Hatal spirit is sprinting back towards the falling Coe-Nan but the rift closes as he tumbles down through the air. Poligius passes him going the other direction and cries out in misery as the rift closes and his ascent takes him strictly higher into the sky.

The remaining frost giants…seeing their leader strike down their brethren are confused and unsure of what to do. Kemen and Paddock rush during the sudden calm to Coe-Nan…his entire body is charred and frozen at the same time. The axes are gone…vanished somewhere in the space between worlds. Coe-Nan morphs back into his natural human state as the vestiges of the spirits inside him fade.

Me: Can you heal him?
Paddock: No…there is nothing left to heal. I don’t think he even felt the fall…he was gone before then.

Kemen: Where is the damned half breed?
Gone. Only the faintest sight of his wings are visible in the distance.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-04, 03:10 PM (ISO 8601)

Requiem:

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The remaining frost giants throw down their weapons and mass together in exodus from the mountain. From the distance comes a legion of efreets. The banner of the Sultan at their forefront.

I carry Coe-Nan’s body down the mountain where Captain Sindon is sifting through his loyalists for survivors. Paddock heals the rest of us and we sit there in a daze while the Sultan approachs.

The Sultan himself is all smiles…in his resplendent robes and followed by his scores of Yes Men. Upon the palanquin carrying him is Chulainn’s daughter, dressed in gems and silks like a true princess. She is frail…sickly so, but alive and coherent.

Sultan: You have defied this world an end. For that I welcome you with a new beginning. Take back your wayward daughter and rejoice for not only her liberation, but the liberation of our world as well!

Chulainn eyes the Sultan warily but welcomes his daughter with open arms.
Chulainn: Thanks…

Sultan: So where is the monster’s head? This half breed abomination. I wish to parade through all the cities of my realm.
Kemen: He isn’t dead. He escaped.
Sultan: Escaped? To one day return and torment us again. This is unacceptable.

Paddock: Coe-Nan severed the world serpent’s head…there wont be an “again”

Sultan: I assure you that as long as this creature draws breath….then he
Me:…is still my son. His motives were selfish for all the right reasons. If we had taken the time to understand the pain he must have felt then we would have been able to reason with him. He didn’t want glory or prestige. He wanted someone dear to him returned from beyond the veil. I think that is something we can all appreciate.

Sultan: nonsense…he is a pillager and traitor to all races including his own.
Me: bide your words carefully Sultan…
Sultan: You would admonish me? How dare you.

Kemen: We dare by virtue of having in our possession the spear of Odin…Gungnir…by bearing the Patch of the All Father gifting its wearer with wisdom and foresight. We know the power they grant and the strength they impart. You want to take that chance?

Sultan: Perhaps…an exception would be merciful.

Kemen ignores the final response and beckons us return to the Revenge. Sindon follows us back and volunteers to Plane Shift us back to the Material Plane. Kemen works out an arrangement for him to get the Revenge back as well and we are Plane Shifted back home. He brought us to the docking area of Cinhill Rue.

We make it a first priority to travel to the plains where Coe-Nan hailed from. We bury him in a cairn fit for a king. There is a high degree of uncertainty at this point. In many ways it feels like the end of this campaign all together and for the most part, none of us is ready to part ways with this set of characters just yet. Our DM is remaining guarded in terms of what’s next. We are dreading the moment he says “Alright…I need a break who wants next?”

A lot of downtime developments are unfolded.

1st: Chulainn has become one of the wealthiest men in all of creation. The combined wealth of the Tiraxis vault and the troves of magic items contained are a fortune that dragons would salivate over. He donates enormous amounts to Kord and those who follow in his faith. He creates a lifetime endowment for CInhill Rue with the caveat that Cinhill Rue always be a sanctuary for any githerazai that enter its halls.

2nd: He invests a kings ransom to Kemen directly urging him to help rebuild Kay-Varn and build The Weald into a place that will one day rival the great dwarven capital.

3rd: He brings his family fully to the Material Plane where they are fully re-united.

4th: Kemen and a host of skilled craftsmen begin repairs on the Revenge.
And finally…

We return from The Weald to Cinhill Rue and find a stranger in tattered clothes stained with mud from the road watching the craftsmen work on the Revenge. The man is old but stout and missing one eye. He leans heavily on a bad leg. As we enter the workshop Paddock cheerfully introduces himself.

Paddock: Welcome to Cinhill Rue stranger.
Stranger: Ahhh many thanks. That is a fancy patch you are wearing…I find myself in need of one.

Before Paddock can respond the Stranger is placing the Eye Patch over his missing eye.

Stranger: Fits perfectly.

Hey now…wait a second.

The Stranger looks at Chulainn who has Gungnir on his back…
Stranger: That looks like a fine walking stick…

Chulainn reaches for his spear to find it gone. The Stranger suddenly has a gnarled and plain stick that he leans upon.

Stranger: I feel much better.

A cawing noise emits from his cloak and the Stranger takes a handful of grubs from his cloak and feeds them to a pair of fledgeling ravens.

Kemen: So…stranger…what do you think of the ship?
Stranger: Things change all the time. Only the past stays the way it was. Although...

He pauses in the course of walking around…
Stranger:…somethings like courage are timeless. I expect that few know more about that then you lot.

Kemen: you know I think I know your name stranger…
*shhhhh* the man says in a hushed whisper
Stranger: I imagine you do.

Me: It seems that we managed to bring something lost back to you…do you think its possible that we might…
Stranger:…receive back “someone” that was lost to you. I’m afraid not. Death is not to be reversed lightly.

The Stranger looking much haler begins walking out of the workshop…as he fades from sight. He pauses for the briefest of moments and says.

Stranger: Although I am told that sometimes not all it what it seems. You don’t need to wear an eye patch to see all the loopholes of this world. I’m sure you will figure it out.

As he fades…from the recesses of his cloak pops out the molting and dusty Parrot. It squawks in distress and lands upon it’s cage in the dock area. It rummages within a nearby satchel and spills out the barbarians axes…

Dread Parrot: *yawn* Wake me up when the cracker bitch gets back…
Chulainn: Cracker bitch?

As if it is answer enough the Parrot relieves itself all over Coe-Nan’s axes and begins laughing in an insane squawking cackle.

**CoffeeIncluded** · 2013-02-04, 03:12 PM (ISO 8601)

...What a way for Coe-Nan to go.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-04, 04:06 PM (ISO 8601)

The Search for Squawk:

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Me: Ok…It’s not just me right now. That was Odin that just stole back the artifacts that we busted our asses for right?

Kemen: yeah, pretty sure that was Odin. And he gave us back the Parrot.
Paddock: So what loopholes do you think he is talking about?

Kemen: I’m not sure…but in a few weeks the Revenge will be mobile again. We could try chasing the Parrot around and see where it goes…but something tells me that is going to be a wild goose chase.

Coe-Nan rejoins the game with a new character sheet. We are super confused now…he is steadfast in simply saying “no comment” as to whether there is something in the wings we don’t know about.

His new character is called Kneel Yung (*sigh*) and he is a straight up human Paladin. He is level 14 and similiarly equipped to the rest of us. He plays himself off as a crusader that was referred to us by Erick. We take him in stride and try to figure out where we go from here. In game time four months have passed since Coe-Nan died to seal off the world serpent. Chulainn is intrigued enough at the prospect of “saving” Coe-Nan to leave his family in their new home at The Weald and once again hit the road. We are two weeks away from a fully restored Revenge and there is still a few action items worth pursuing.

*Poligius is out there somewhere and from the lengths he was prepared to go the first time we expect him to do something else to try and raise Tiraxis.
*We know there are at least 13 liches of staggering power out there somewhere.
*Snickle is still owed retribution for stealing our ship.

I am going to take a hiatus (maybe a day or ten not sure) from this write up to try and finish the ChaoticGoodfellas log.

**juicycaboose** · 2013-02-04, 08:57 PM (ISO 8601)

I finally check back on this thread after months and it's gone from two pages to six! I'm loving your writeup kaveman.

**Deepbluediver** · 2013-02-05, 09:19 AM (ISO 8601)

Players CAN have nice things...but world-ending artifacts are probably a bad idea in the long run.

When they started losing game-breakers like that, I was expecting the parrot to turn out to be one of Odin's Ravens in disguise.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-06, 04:29 PM (ISO 8601)

Embracing The Trauma:

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Approximately 8-9 months have passed in game since the Darkness Event that caused nearly every sentient creature to fall under Ven and Tiraxis’s control. The regions of the world have been put back together to a certain extent and a sense of normalcy has returned. From that standpoint we are encouraged by the prospect that we may find a way to get Coe-Nan back.

To that end we have decided to journey forth and seek out the wisdom of any pre-eminent clerics or wizards we are able to track down.

We also make the call to try and track down Snickle. To that end, we pull the Revenge from its dock at Cinhill Rue and set course for the town of Flynt. If the little bugger double crossed us he may have returned to a place where he had contacts. We are ten to fifteen miles outside of Flynt when the weirdness begins. The whole countryside has been scoured clean and the landscape is now festooned with human sized birdhouses. Tall Poles with open air structures are frigging everywhere. Like a bird house cemetery.

Me: Something is seriously wrong here.
Kemen: Ya think?

The Revenge presses onwards and as we get within sight of Flynt the weirdness grows.

The whole city is now one giant bird’s nest. Griffons and Roc’s are thick as mosquitoes in the sky above the city. There is something off about them though…their feathers are painted and adorned with bright festive colors. At the center of the city an immense wicker parrot spreads its wings over the city.

Chulainn: Are we all thinking the same thing and are just too afraid to say it?
Me: If you mean the whole city converted to some cult worshipping our parrot then yes.

The Parrot hops onto the mast of the ship and surverys the landscape.

Parrot: Bout time someone got around to making me a god.

As The Revenge steers closer to the city some of the bird house’s are occupied. Bug Eyed humanoids in bright plumage wearing griffon skull helmets hop around their over sized bird houses and caw at us. When the Dread Parrot caws back the sound is like a clap of thunder. The bizarre bird cultists instantly awestruck and prostrate themselves before their deity.
The zealots create an honor guard around us and escort us into the bird’s nest. Seated above the talons of the wicker parrot idol is Snickle. He is wearing the brightest feathers of all and is surrounded by decorated rocs and griffons. Around his neck is an amulet…

To describe his reaction as shocked when he sees us is the understatement of the year. His look when he spots the parrot…puts the previous look to shame.

Snickle: My feathered friends and comrades…BEHOLD! The Great One has returned to us. The Dread Parrot Roberts in all his Avian Glory has come to take us beneath his wings and fly with us into a new destiny. We owe his escorts homage for their service to the OverParrot.

Our first impulse is to flamestrike/lightning bolt/rapid shot him in the face. Dozens of huge and larger flying allies dissuade that approach.

Kemen: So I love what you have done with the place…
Snickle: I saw that my purpose was here. To spread the word of our OverParrot praised be his feathers. This world shook off the husk of it’s old pantheon just like our lord molts his feathers. The time is now for us to create a new future where the skies are our home.

Chulainn: Has anyone bothered to ask what the Parrot thinks?

The Parrot who is happily preening himself on our ship’s mast looks up and coughs…sending a shower of gold and jewels scattering off the ship and into the reeds of the nest.

Parrot: I am happy with being a god…but there better be booze. I am thirsty.

With a snap of his fingers Snickle has a roc dive bombing straight to the base of the statue. Around its neck like a St. Bernard carting whiskey to a mountain climber is a cask of grog.
Parrot: Carry on little bird guy…spread the word.
Snickle: The OverParrot has spoken!

Kneel: I think we are quickly getting in over our heads.
Me: Can we have a word in private Snickle? I will gurantee that our parley goes without aggression or abduction.

Snickle: To honor those who returned our lord to us…all requests are welcome. I shall return shortly my brethren.

The moment we are all below decks Snickle rips off his headdress and practically begs us to get him the hell out of there.

Snickle: These people are F**KING INSANE. I can’t take another day of some schlub chewing up my dinner and vomiting it into my throat. GET ME OUT HERE!

The little guy is sobbing uncontrollably and is clearly terrified. But we fell for that once before.

Kemen: You stole our ship and left us for dead Snickle. The chances of us helping you are somewhere between Slim and None.
Snickle: look…times were rough. I thought the world was ending ok. Cut me a little slack.

Me: Start by telling us what happened.

Snickle: So after I got the boot off the ship I drifted for a few weeks and when people got control of themselves back they found me living high on the hog in Flynt. Most of the people returning to the city were confused and the last thing they remembered was the Parrot attacking them. I saw an opening and took it. Told them the parrot got the darkness lifted and that I was his prophet. The next thing I know I got hundreds if not thousands of people all looking to me as high priest for a religion I got to improvise on the fly. I set them to building bird houses just to get them off my back. They took it upon themselves to build the nest and statue. I figured I could just slip away when things settled down. Before I can pack my bags…the whole city is swarming with griffons and Rocs. There is enough belief for these people that some force is actually answering their prayers. My fake religion got enough juice to become a real religion and Im stuck as their leader.

Chulainn opens his mouth to respond at least five times and nothing comes out.
Snickle: You mute again?

Chulainn: No just speechless.
Kemen: I think you need to realize something Snickle. You need to listen very carefully.

Snickle: ok.

Kemen: As crazy as you think these people are…the parrot is worse. Right now he is in good mood and laughing it up. In an hour…he might order everyone to burn down every tree in the world because he wants a stiffer breeze. You just created a zealous following for a bird that has no moral compass or remorse. You just created the world’s hardest to predict time bomb.

Chulainn: I suppose we could just say that you are coming with us on a mission to retrieve an item of great importance for the Parrot.

Kemen: Mark my words…no matter what we plan…this ends badly.

**Amidus Drexel** · 2013-02-06, 04:35 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Kaveman26

Embracing The Trauma:

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-snip-

Hehehe

Perfect.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-06, 05:03 PM (ISO 8601)

More Plumage than a Shubbery:

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Snickle emerges from the Revenge…façade and headdress both back on.

Snickle: Nestlings…brothers. Our gracious friends…the escorts to our lord have begged me join them on a noble quest. With our Parrot’s blessing I shall accompany them to places not yet enlightened and spread the word of our noble lord.

A chorus of dissenting voices raises up. They don’t want their high priest to leave.
The Parrot who was happily drinking his grog perks up and flies to the top of his statue.

Kemen: Here comes the trouble.

The Dread Parrot resized himself to colossal and his booms across the lands.

Parrot: FOLLOWERS. DISCIPLES. These minions will go forth to spread my word. And right now my word is WENCHES! I want some bright colored…longtail feathered green hued lady parrots here in five days time or I will destroy the nearest city. And what does a demi god need to do to get some flying monkeys. Find me flying monkeys my children…no chimps…only baboons and gorillas.

Chulainn: Well as far as commandments go his first two are rather blunt. Lady Parrots and Flying Monkeys (no chimps). I could imagine worse as the basis for a new theology.

Kemen: humor me for a few hours fellas.
Kemen steers the Revenge to the outskirts of the birdhouses and he makes a simple box with a sign that says CITY OF NEW TOWN.
Kemen: There is the closest city.
Me: Come on…you think that will work.

Kemen: I have every confidence that It doesn’t matter.
Chulainn: so are we actually going to find some parrots?
Paddock: Nah…Im sure he will forget all about it in no time.

No sooner are the words are out his mouth then a swarm of riders mounted on griffons and rocs come streaking through the sky…a lone Roc breaks off and hurtles into the City Of New Town, destroying it.

Snickle: Brothers what are you doing?

Rider: God got impatient and told us to destroy the City and then find him a parrot. He said if he didn’t have a parrot within 24 hours we were to destroy anything we found without feathers. Except for sea turtles and dire badgers…he said to spare those.

Me: We should sell the parrot, maybe that will force it to follow someone else around.

DM*cough*: Technically Coe-Nan is the owner of the Parrot and he is currently dead. This leaves the state of the Parrot undefined. In terms of what that means to you…he can’t be leveraged or coerced. An owner more or less implies the parrot will follow. An owned but presently ownerless parrot…well it will prove eventful.

Kneel: Where do we find a parrot?
Me: this is a temperate zone…not much lush or verdant jungle around.

Kemen: The only verdant jungle I am aware of is the Hullbreaker Islands. That means Cinhill Rue. Paddock could get a sending to Androka and he could possibly teleport us there, or teleport himself here with a parrot. We could conceivably have a parrot here in hours.

Kneel: Sounds like a plan.
Within a few hours Androka teleports to our position with a cageful of Parrots.

We anxiously pilot the Revenge back to the OverParrot and present our offerings to the new god.

The dread parrot reverts to his normal form and preens his musty feathers. He then hops to his own cage and performs a hasty and ineffective clean out.
Dread Parrot: alright ladies come to papa.

The Dread Parrot hops to attention and surveys his offerings…

Thunderclouds form overhead and lightning arcs from the sky in all directions. In an instant the Dread Parrot is once again enormous and his voice is somehow even louder.

Parrot: MALE PARROTS! MALE PARROTS? HOW DARE YOU OFFEND YOUR LIEGE. DID I NOT SAY LONG GREEN TAIL FEATHERS! THESE ARE BLUE.

BLUE TAILFEATHERS!

Parrot: be gone from my sight. Minions…if any of these six ever appear in your sight again…kill them. Leave no trace of their bodies. BE GONE!
In haste we get the heck out of Flynt and kick into high gear.

Kemen: This is going to bite us someday…and maybe soon. We need to get Coe-Nan back in the worst possible way.

Me: Question guys…are we more mad at Snickle now? Or less mad? Cause I still have a desire to keelhaul him or make him walk a plank. Something nasty.
Snickle: Don’t do anything permanent. I can still be useful.

Kneel: you are the treacherous former high priest of a mad religion. Your followers have order to kill you on sight and the only people that trusted you want you dead. Describe useful.

Snickle: I know where to find a wizard that can get your friend back.
Kneel: Doubtful but we are listening.

**Axinian** · 2013-02-06, 05:04 PM (ISO 8601)

Forget ven aus, the parrot being in charge of a religion is by far the greatest danger that campaign world will ever face.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-06, 06:29 PM (ISO 8601)

It got cold real fast:

Spoiler

Show

So here goes the tale spun by Snickle:

When the darkness hit…one place was unaffected. An arctic island as far north as you can get. According to Snickle the world’s most powerful wizard lives on this island…isolated from the rest of the world and secluded from it’s concerns. He claims to know this from a sailor he helped shanghai, claims that is where he got his diving bell/bottle of air rig. A ship this guy had been on that made it to the island.

If there is a chance of recovering Coe-Nan it will be from this hermit mage on an island of ice. All we would have to do is sail thousands of miles through treacherous and churning nearly frozen water and track down an epic wizard that doesn’t want to be found in the harshed climate on the planet.
Unspoken is all also the concept that we would be we trusting the guy that already burned us once.

Paddock: I suppose freezing to death on a fool’s errand while trying to rescue a friend is a better end than being eaten by a crazy bird cult.

After a brief stop for some extremely cold weather clothing The Revenge turns north and lays on the gas.

There is the slightest sigh of relief when the island comes into view…at least it is real. The bulk of the trip is uneventful, a few sea serpents attack us, but nothing of a threatening nature. The Revenge hovers the last few miles over fractured and ever shifting ice and arrives at the island proper. Waiting at the edge of the continent is a towerin polar bear. It is wearing a fur lined parka and holding a drink tray…

Above the gale force winds and flying snow it speaks to us in clear and articulate Common

Polar Bear: My master is expecting you. He pursued several possible outcomes of your trip here and finally decided to tell you to get lost in person. Figured it would save time.

Kemen: Well that is inviting.

The polar bear waiter leads us overland to an igloo carved from diamond. One solid mind numbingly perfect and priceless diamond…big enough for the polar bear to walk upright inside. He leads us to an underground bunker where his master awaits.

Snickle: told you I was telling the truth.

Standing on top of a rolling office chair is a goblin wearing wizard robes.

Goblin Wizard: So you are here to ask me to help you get your dead friend back and somehow stop your parrot from destroying the world during a mood swing. You are willing to do just about anything and have no fear of death. Not interested…not buying…sod off.

Chulainn: You are a goblin?

Goblin Wizard: yeah and my master was a kobold and his master was an awakened squirrel. **** happens. Now once again sod off.

Kemen: You have the ability to see the future and you knew we were coming. Why tell us in person?

Goblin Wizard: Because otherwise you would have torn apart my island and done so in all the wrong areas. We had to haggle a bit so that when I finally did ask you to go destroy stuff on my island it was the right stuff.
Kneel: So…you are going to help us?
Goblin Wizard: Yes tin man…I am going to help you.

Without even bothering to look back at us the wizard causes a scroll to levitate right to Paddock.

Goblin Wizard: Eye for an Eye Tooth for a blah blah blah. There is a list of five things you can find on the island. I don’t feel like getting themself and that is what I will require for helping you get your friend back. But don’t tarry too long. My offer has a 180 day expiration after that you are on your own.
Kemen: you think it will take six months for us to get this stuff?

Goblin Wizard: Probably less…slight chance the full time. Not really interested in describing details. The Polar Bear will show you out.
Me: Well that was unusual.

Paddock: Well he wants a crystal chalice from an ancient white dragon that lives on the highest peak of the continent. He wants a rare iceflower that bears blue-sapphire berries and only grows at the bottom of a never freezing lake. He wants a sliver of ice frozen by an ice titan that lives in a cave not too far from here and he also wants a platinum and heavily enchanted wand from a duergar that is runs a tribe of arctic dwarves.

Kemen: What is the fifth item?
Paddock: A bottle of clear liquid inside an unbreakable clay urn from beneath the island.
Me: Picky little bugger isn’t he?

Kneel: You remember what happened the last time we got put onto a side quest?
Kemen:Trying to forget. So Ice Titan huh? Can’t say I have ever heard of those. But if it is closest we should start there.

Paddock: There is even a crystal holder for the ice.

So…at the whim of a nearly omnipotent goblin we trek through frozen tundra and high winds to find an Ice Titan. His cave is not too hard to find and we quickly park the Revenge to block out the majority of the wind and proceed on foot inside. Chulainn has point with Kneel in the rear. A burst of frost jets comes flying out of nowhere and from the walls of the cave a pair of 11 headed cryohydras ambush us. Chulainn is panicking as he is forced to make almost two dozen saves in one round and Kemen is tickled pink that he gets to lob fireballs like mad.

Kneel immediately steps up to the front lines and engages the hydras and Paddock follows a Kemen fireball with a cleric flamestrike. We are having fun and rolling lots of damage dice…when two more hydras emerge from deeper in the cave. That changes the complexion a bit…44 jets of frost are now pouring out into the space. Chulainn lands a killing blow on 1 hydra and even with his fantastic reflexes he is failing saves.

Kneel takes down a second and we breathe a bit easier. Paddock flamestrikes to bring down number 3 and arrows dispatch the fourth. We tread lightly from there out and are scanning the walls and the cave ahead. At the heart of the cave is a throne room carved from ice….scaled to proportions that dwarf even our storm giant friends.

Sitting upon the throne is a true to life titan…but it is as if he is carved from ice. Across his lap rests a greatsword of pure crystal.

Ice Titan: Has the goblin sent you to murder me after all these years?

Kemen: no….he is just sending us on errands and your place was on our list. We are happy to not kill you. We just need some ice frozen by you.

Ice Titan: is that all?
Chulainn: Yes.
Ice Titan: did you kill the hydras?
Me: Sorry?

Ice Titan: Then you have murdered me. Those creatures were my last line of defense. Without that I am sitting seal waiting for the shark’s mouth.

Kneel: You are a 30 foot tall titan with a greatsword that could behead a whale…how are you helpless.

Ice Titan: I swore a vow to not attack a single native to this island. With the hydra’s gone I will soon fall prey to the dark dwarf and his barbarian horde.

Kemen: he is on our list too right?
Paddock: Yeah. Pretty sure we are planning on killing them though.
Kemen: you are confident they will come for you once they realize the hydras are gone?
Ice Titan: Certain.

Kemen: Well…make us some ice and we will defend you to the exclusion of all else.
Me: We are defending the immortal all powerful titan?

Chulainn: Its definitely a role reversal that is for sure.

**Doorhandle** · 2013-02-06, 10:36 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Kaveman26

It got cold real fast:

Spoiler

Show

So here goes the tale spun by Snickle:

When the darkness hit…one place was unaffected. An arctic island as far north as you can get. According to Snickle the world’s most powerful wizard lives on this island…isolated from the rest of the world and secluded from it’s concerns. He claims to know this from a sailor he helped shanghai, claims that is where he got his diving bell/bottle of air rig. A ship this guy had been on that made it to the island.

If there is a chance of recovering Coe-Nan it will be from this hermit mage on an island of ice. All we would have to do is sail thousands of miles through treacherous and churning nearly frozen water and track down an epic wizard that doesn’t want to be found in the harshed climate on the planet.
Unspoken is all also the concept that we would be we trusting the guy that already burned us once.

Paddock: I suppose freezing to death on a fool’s errand while trying to rescue a friend is a better end than being eaten by a crazy bird cult.

After a brief stop for some extremely cold weather clothing The Revenge turns north and lays on the gas.

There is the slightest sigh of relief when the island comes into view…at least it is real. The bulk of the trip is uneventful, a few sea serpents attack us, but nothing of a threatening nature. The Revenge hovers the last few miles over fractured and ever shifting ice and arrives at the island proper. Waiting at the edge of the continent is a towerin polar bear. It is wearing a fur lined parka and holding a drink tray…

Above the gale force winds and flying snow it speaks to us in clear and articulate Common

Polar Bear: My master is expecting you. He pursued several possible outcomes of your trip here and finally decided to tell you to get lost in person. Figured it would save time.

Kemen: Well that is inviting.

The polar bear waiter leads us overland to an igloo carved from diamond. One solid mind numbingly perfect and priceless diamond…big enough for the polar bear to walk upright inside. He leads us to an underground bunker where his master awaits.

Snickle: told you I was telling the truth.

Standing on top of a rolling office chair is a goblin wearing wizard robes.

Goblin Wizard: So you are here to ask me to help you get your dead friend back and somehow stop your parrot from destroying the world during a mood swing. You are willing to do just about anything and have no fear of death. Not interested…not buying…sod off.

Chulainn: You are a goblin?

Goblin Wizard: yeah and my master was a kobold and his master was an awakened squirrel. **** happens. Now once again sod off.

Kemen: You have the ability to see the future and you knew we were coming. Why tell us in person?

Goblin Wizard: Because otherwise you would have torn apart my island and done so in all the wrong areas. We had to haggle a bit so that when I finally did ask you to go destroy stuff on my island it was the right stuff.
Kneel: So…you are going to help us?
Goblin Wizard: Yes tin man…I am going to help you.

Without even bothering to look back at us the wizard causes a scroll to levitate right to Paddock.

Goblin Wizard: Eye for an Eye Tooth for a blah blah blah. There is a list of five things you can find on the island. I don’t feel like getting themself and that is what I will require for helping you get your friend back. But don’t tarry too long. My offer has a 180 day expiration after that you are on your own.
Kemen: you think it will take six months for us to get this stuff?

Goblin Wizard: Probably less…slight chance the full time. Not really interested in describing details. The Polar Bear will show you out.
Me: Well that was unusual.

Paddock: Well he wants a crystal chalice from an ancient white dragon that lives on the highest peak of the continent. He wants a rare iceflower that bears blue-sapphire berries and only grows at the bottom of a never freezing lake. He wants a sliver of ice frozen by an ice titan that lives in a cave not too far from here and he also wants a platinum and heavily enchanted wand from a duergar that is runs a tribe of arctic dwarves.

Kemen: What is the fifth item?
Paddock: A bottle of clear liquid inside an unbreakable clay urn from beneath the island.
Me: Picky little bugger isn’t he?

Kneel: You remember what happened the last time we got put onto a side quest?
Kemen:Trying to forget. So Ice Titan huh? Can’t say I have ever heard of those. But if it is closest we should start there.

Paddock: There is even a crystal holder for the ice.

So…at the whim of a nearly omnipotent goblin we trek through frozen tundra and high winds to find an Ice Titan. His cave is not too hard to find and we quickly park the Revenge to block out the majority of the wind and proceed on foot inside. Chulainn has point with Kneel in the rear. A burst of frost jets comes flying out of nowhere and from the walls of the cave a pair of 11 headed cryohydras ambush us. Chulainn is panicking as he is forced to make almost two dozen saves in one round and Kemen is tickled pink that he gets to lob fireballs like mad.

Kneel immediately steps up to the front lines and engages the hydras and Paddock follows a Kemen fireball with a cleric flamestrike. We are having fun and rolling lots of damage dice…when two more hydras emerge from deeper in the cave. That changes the complexion a bit…44 jets of frost are now pouring out into the space. Chulainn lands a killing blow on 1 hydra and even with his fantastic reflexes he is failing saves.

Kneel takes down a second and we breathe a bit easier. Paddock flamestrikes to bring down number 3 and arrows dispatch the fourth. We tread lightly from there out and are scanning the walls and the cave ahead. At the heart of the cave is a throne room carved from ice….scaled to proportions that dwarf even our storm giant friends.

Sitting upon the throne is a true to life titan…but it is as if he is carved from ice. Across his lap rests a greatsword of pure crystal.

Ice Titan: Has the goblin sent you to murder me after all these years?

Kemen: no….he is just sending us on errands and your place was on our list. We are happy to not kill you. We just need some ice frozen by you.

Ice Titan: is that all?
Chulainn: Yes.
Ice Titan: did you kill the hydras?
Me: Sorry?

Ice Titan: Then you have murdered me. Those creatures were my last line of defense. Without that I am sitting seal waiting for the shark’s mouth.

Kneel: You are a 30 foot tall titan with a greatsword that could behead a whale…how are you helpless.

Ice Titan: I swore a vow to not attack a single native to this island. With the hydra’s gone I will soon fall prey to the dark dwarf and his barbarian horde.

Kemen: he is on our list too right?
Paddock: Yeah. Pretty sure we are planning on killing them though.
Kemen: you are confident they will come for you once they realize the hydras are gone?
Ice Titan: Certain.

Kemen: Well…make us some ice and we will defend you to the exclusion of all else.
Me: We are defending the immortal all powerful titan?

Chulainn: Its definitely a role reversal that is for sure.

EEEENTRESTING.

Defense is what this group seems to do best. This is not going to be the dwarf's day.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-07, 08:53 AM (ISO 8601)

King of The Castle:

Spoiler

Show

The following morning Chulainn comes sprinting through the cave to announce the presence of the dark dwarf…along with 200 arctic barbarians.

Chulainn: The duergar is awaiting at the lip of the cave he wants to talk.
We assemble and move to the front of the cave where the dark dwarf awaits…he has a formidable army of nearly slavering barbarians.

Dark Dwarf: did the goblin put you up to this?
Kemen: Yes.
Dark Dwarf: no evasions no denials?
Kemen: Nope.

Dark Dwarf: You know he is a fraud right? He has made commitment to nearly everyone on this continent and keeping us at each other is the only reason he has endured.

Me: We are ready to take our chances.
Dark Dwarf: Is there any way I can talk you out of that cave?
Kemen: You could leave…
Dark Dwarf: I see. Alright. Boys…let’s go.

As he says lets go a Circular Wall of Ice encircles everyone but Paddock and Chulainn. The moment the spell is away all 200 barbarians break into a charge and stampede the cave entrance. Chulainn and Paddock are our two fastest characters and they manage to turn tail and get ahead of the horde. Paddock mentally commands the stone horse while making a concentration check to cast Wall of Stone at a full gallop…sealing off part of the cave and hopefully buying enough time for us to get free of the ice wall.

Chulainn takes up a spot in the cave hallway and draw a line in the ice with his spear.

Chulainn: They are going to have to bleed to pass this line.

Paddock gets behind Chulainn and puts up Wall of Stones on either side of the monk…it basically turns him into a spear wielding turnstile…anyone passing him will trigger AOO.

Kneel hacks a hole through the wall of ice and the three of us take off in hot pursuit. Kemen levitates and I drag him through the air to catch up to the horde. The arctic dwarves have deep health pools, but poor attack skills, when they connect its with force…but they miss a lot of attacks. The dark dwarf mostly hangs in the back and tries to dispel magic.

Kemen gets within range and starts launching sculpted fireballs into clusters of barbarians. Wherever the fireball lands the Ice Titan groans in pain.

Chulainn: Hurting the room is hurting him Kem!
Kemen: son of a ….

Kneel and I tear into the caster and he starts lobbing some high level spells at the Paladin. Kemen continues to fireball but is aiming higher to avoid splash damage against the floor. It is still hurting the titan, but far less than extra attacks against him would.

Paddock ends up standing directly in front of the titan…and he keeps up a torrent of healing for the big guy. Everyone else is taking and dishing out damage. Kneel keeps the duergar occupied and barbarian dwarves begin dropping like flies. We kill 35 ish and the rest along with their leader break and flee.

Kemen: no way….

He puts up a Wall of Force to block their escape and we continue hammering them.

Bluntly speaking we blow our entire load on the encounter and route the barbarians. The grateful Ice Titan provides us a sliver of ice cooled by his own breath. Kemen recovers the enchanted wand from the remains of the dark dwarf caster.

The Ice Titan seem melancholy but content to remain where he is.
We decide to hit the dragon last and proceed to the never freezing lake. The Revenge will not dip below the surface of the water and we are faced with a predicament. Kemen loads up on cold resistance and gets water breathing in the form of a bottle of air. He then gets thrown out into the lake where he will sink like a stone…once he has the berries in hand he will levitate back up. The journey to recover the berries is uneventful and he surfaces without incident. As he tow him back in…a shimmering figure walks across the surface of the lake towards us. She is a water sprite with gossamer frosted wings and ice blue eyes.

Sprite: Tread carefully. Your presence, brief though it has been is changing the balance of this place. Even now the dragon awakens from it’s slumber to hunt the vulnerable Titan.

Me: We just saved the Titan from the dwarves…
Sprite: The dwarves are dead?
Kemen: I suppose some may have gotten away but yes.
Sprite: Then we are all doomed.
Chulainn: Anyone else beginning to think the dark dwarf was telling the truth about the goblin wizard?
Sprite: Goblin Wizard? There is no goblin wizard on this continent.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-07, 01:03 PM (ISO 8601)

Twisted Logic:

Spoiler

Show

All action comes to a screeching halt. There is a tangle of unknowns that we suddenly feel right in the middle of.

Chulainn: We just met a goblin wizard inside a giant diamond igloo…he knew things about us and why we came.

Sprite: Then you are being manipulated by the true force of this place. There is no goblin wizard, no diamond igloo. There is a wizard in this place, but he never makes his presence known. He is like the wind…everywhere and nowhere. Whatever tasks he set you to is strictly to his benefit and not your own.

Kemen: I believe her…still think we should press forward and complete the tasks. We can think ourselves in circles but we have three of the five items he told us to fetch, might as well finish the job.
Sprite: What else did he send you for?
Kemen: A chalice from the white dragon and a bottle of liquid from under the continent.
Sprite: I do not know what he wants with these items but I implore you not to kill the dragon.
Me: Ummm, question. Why did us saving the Titan from the dwarves mean we doomed this place?

Sprite: The Titan is what holds this island together. If his spark is extinguished this whole place will sink and be lost.

Me: And if we kill the dragon then we prevent the island from sinking…how is that a bad thing.
Sprite: I can’t answer that question.
Paddock: This all makes no sense.

Kneel: If we defend the Titan again won’t we be obligated to kill the dragon?
Kemen: New Plan…Paddock myself and Kneel will keep the Titan alive. Chulainn and Marilius go fetch the chalice from the dragon’s cave. The sprite will go get the bottle from under the island.
Sprite: Why would I do that?
Kemen: Because we ask politely?
Sprite: no.
Kemen: Do you want your island to sink?
Sprite: No.

Kemen: Then help us. No matter his intention the wizard of this place will only reveal himself or communicate with us once we have all five items. Get us the five items and we will not kill or destroy anything. Once we get a chance to talk with the wizard then we will right whatever wrongs we may have set in motion. Prove to us that you are not trying to manipulate us.
Sprite: Very well…

The Sprite leaves and once she vanishes within the waters Kemen turns to us.
Kemen: Alright…all five of us are going to straight up incinerate this dragon…
Me: We are?
Kemen: yes, the sprite is definitely trying to manipulate us, so is the Titan and so is the “wizard”.
Chulainn: How do you figure?

Kemen: Because they are giving us reasons to help. They are too dismissive of events. I don’t care who brings it to my attention an igloo crafted from diamonds bears investigation or questioning not outright dismissal. The wand, the berries and the ice are tangible. For whatever reason someone wants us close to this Titan and I think it’s a trap.

Kneel: And if you are wrong?
Kemen: Then the dragon’s lair will be unguarded and we walk in and take the chalice.
Me: And if the island sinks?

Kemen: We had to go under the island anyway for the last piece. No matter his intention any wizard worth his salt won’t let that happen.
The five of us make our way to the mountain peak and locate a frozen over entrance into the mountain. Kemen burning hands it open and we find a series of frozen walls sealing off access to the interior. We wand out a flaming sphere and use like a snow blower to clear a path in front of us. I have to grab Chulainn by the belt to prevent him from triggering a nearly invisible trip wire that would have dropped the ceiling on us. Slowly and surely we burn a path into the dragon’s lair. Paddock triggers a true seeing before we enter the cavern and give us a small hand signal we worked out in advance…”occupied”. The dragon is home.

Paddock: looks empty guys…made sure to sweep the ledge on the far east and didn’t see anything
Translation: The dragon is concealed on the far east ledge and waiting for us.

A chortling and excited Kemen hands out 4 spell shared fireballs and we blow up the alcove in a fireball volley. The white dragon bursts from silent invisibility and laces the hallway with it’s breath weapon. Chulainn and Kneel sprint off to attack the dragon while the rest of us dodge. We attack it with zero finesse and straight up aggression. We eat a boatload of damage but we are hammering away with ruthlessness and fire. Our DM is used to us evading and maneuvering and the fact that we just went for the knockout threw him off.

Chulainn gets the killing blow and we breath a sigh of relief that no one died.
Paddock: This was too easy…
Me: Easy we got torn up
Paddock: Yeah, but we didn’t have to stretch ourselves. When is the last time we fought against something solitary and powerful without being challenged?
Me: I honestly don’t know.
Kemen: We found the chalice that is what matters.
Paddock: But no horde…not a single coin, gem or item.
Kemen: The horde is probably hidden somewhere else.
Paddock: Probably, just something feels off.

We head back out and return to the lake where the Sprite is waiting for us. She is holding the bottle and appears vexed.
Sprite: You lied to me. You killed the dragon.
Kemen: Turns out it was home. We had to improvise. However…I do notice that we are still standing here…not swimming. So that’s something.

The Sprite tosses the bottle to us and dives back into the lake wordlessly. By the time we can turn around the Polar Bear Waiter is there waiting for us.

Polar Bear: My master will see you now.

Jeeves (our nickname for him) takes us back to the diamond igloo and we once again enter the lair of the alledged goblin wizard. Once again he pays us almost zero attention and hardly moves from his workbench. The Polar Bear puts everything on the table and then fades away. The goblin appraises the items and then sits in his chair, turning to look at us. As he turns the goblin fades and is replaced by a half-elf.

Half Elf: You may call me T’Hun.
Kemen: Ok T’Hun, we found what you requested…and far faster than 180 days.
T’Hun: Indeed you did. And what did you make of your trip?
Me: We were hoping you would explain that.
T’Hun: I do so wish to hear your interpretation first.
Me: Heck if I know.
CHulainn *shrugs shoulders*
Kneel: I think you are deceitful and playing at something beyond us.
Kemen: There are no seals…
Paddock: No seals?

Kemen: Something the Titan said “like a seal waiting for the shark”. We haven’t seen a single seal in this place, no walrus, no polar bears (aside from the waiter) and no flora or any kind.

Me: So?
Kemen: So what does a white dragon and 200 dwarves feed on? There is no ecology here. No ecosystem. I think the whole place is just an experiment. I am reasonably certain everything here is manufactured or illusionary not quite sure which. The only living creatures we have seen are the ones we are sent to interact with.

T’Hun: I am impressed. So few notice the lack of wildlife. But surely not all of it can be fake.
Kemen: Reasonably certain the dragon was real, maybe the Titan. The dwarves and their leader probably fake…as was the sprite.
T’Hun: Fake? But certainly you have the items in hand I sent you for do you not?

Kemen: Sure…because we were supposed. Something tells me that you wanted us to kill the dragon but something prevented you from telling us to do it. So you engineered circumstances where we were supposed to make the choice ourselves
T’Hun: Outstanding.

T’Hun gives us a full detailed account of what has transpired and fills in the gaps for us. First off he is a half elf wizard with remarkable mind control and illusionary spells. The whole island was meant as a sanctum for himself and the only other inhabitant was a white dragon. The white dragon had access to a very old and powerful trap that once triggered prevented the person who it set it off from harming him. T’Hun was prohibited from taking action against the dragon, but conceived a workaround to get someone else to do it for him.

The Ice Titan, the dwarves and the sprite were remarkably accurate illusions and most of the encounter took place in our heads. The white dragon was real.

Paddock: I don’t understand why it acted oddly then.
T’Hun: I am a master manipulator and illusionist, he never knew what was real on this island, and even through I could not harm him, I could trick him into harming himself. When you attacked he couldn’t know what you really were. You might have been squirrels or fire giants. He couldn’t trust himself to guess.
Me: This seems like an awfully complex plan for such a simple goal. Why not just tell us the truth.

T’Hun: Because deception is in my blood. It is my ultimate talent and talent begs to be used. Now as to your friend. I have seen in mind the method of his return and if you will kindly meet me at the place where he was buried in 5 months and 11 days we will see your friend return together.

Kemen: *sigh* that is a long time for any spell.

T’Hun: All things in due time. In the meanwhile there are few things I would ask of you and a few things that you need to know. 1st I have a second list of items I would like to see you locate. And second…your Parrot has begun destroying the land around Flynt. You might want to go deal with that.

Chulainn: One last question T’hun, could you take the Parrot in a fair fight?

T’Hun: A fair fight? Don’t have any idea what one of those is. I will rephrase the question. If I utilized every resource at my disposal and was willing to commit to an all out confrontation and had time to plan ahead I would not stand a chance.

Chulainn: That is comforting.
T’Hun: One final thing. Don’t kill the Halfling…Snickle is his name?
Kneel: Why would we kill the Halfling? His lead this time was accurate. He brought us to you.

T’Hun: I know…but he also stole your boat again.
Kemen: What? That’s impossible I have the keys in my bag of holding.
T’Hun: You mean the bag of holding that he switched out on you?

Kemen starts swearing under his breath and we catch something about “got your long green”

Me: I missed that Kemen, what did you say?
Kemen: I said I am going to tar and feather the little **** and stick a long green tail feather on him. Then give him to the Parrot as a new girlfriend

**Deepbluediver** · 2013-02-07, 01:31 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Kaveman26

Embracing The Trauma:

Originally Posted by Kaveman26

More Plumage than a Shubbery:

Oh god, it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. And no matter how much I want to look away, I find myself compelled to just. Keep. Reading.

The bulk of the trip is uneventful, a few sea serpents attack us, but nothing of a threatening nature.

This line perfectly sums up adventure-logic, I think.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-07, 02:36 PM (ISO 8601)

Press Ganging Celestials

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We trudge back through the harsh tundra with a very angry dwarf to confirm for ourselves that the ship is actually gone. When we arrive to the coast we find Snickle alone and half frozen huddling for shelter in a make shift lean to.

Snickle: Thank the gods you guys came back…some wizard stole the ship.
Kemen: MOTH****CKER! He tricked us. Got me to say where I had the keys and HE switched the bags out. I am going to murder a dozen dragons to learn teleport if I have to.

(Our DM doesn’t outright tell us that we can’t have teleport as a spell but he goes to drastic lengths to limit it’s availability)

Chulainn: I think you should read the letter he gave us…

Dear Friends,
I was very impressed with your ship and decided to borrow it for the time being. Fetch me everything on the second list and meet me at the burial site a the agreed upon time and I will give you back the ship and reunite you with your friend.
P.S.: There is a boat on the far wester portion of the island. Its slow and a bit cramped but serviceable. Enjoy!

Me:Well if you can’t trust a deceptive genius who can you trust?

The group plus Snickle makes an about face turn and cuts west to search for the spare boat. In game we are furious and chomping at the bit to smash something. At the table our DM has a little smirk and seems like he is ready to dodge shrapnel. Overland through high winds and blowing snow we trek the barren landscape and locate the boat he mentioned. Its basically a rickety U-Boat. It moves just below the surface of the water and has a periscope. It is propelled by what amounts to an exercise bike and it barely fits the six of us. We estimate being 2,000 miles from the mainland and we can pilot the ship at four miles an hour without working ourselves to exhaustion. With us rotating in and out (no easy feat given the cramped space) we can keep the ship going 24 hours a day or close to it. That means just under a 100 miles a day…or 200 days. 9 days outside the window for meeting with the wizard and not counting overland.

All attempts to reach for outside assistance via Androka etc are blocked. So there goes the easy solution…call for help. We need to find a way to accelerate movement and make up time. Paddock comes up with the closest thing to a solution.

We pack every single non vital item into bags of holding. This includes Paddock’s horse and nearly all our armor to reduce as much as possible. Paddock and Kemen prepare a very unusual list of spells every day. All Summon Monster and Expeditious Retreat spells. The duo cycle through every summon spell possible to keep up a stream of creatures to work the pedals furiously and achieve faster speeds or even water elementals to act like outboard motors.

From an outside perspective the ship must look completely bizarre, every minute to minute and a half creatures pop into the ship and immediately pedal like crazy…or celestial orca whales appear and pull the ship forward. We are sitting ducks against random encounters but they manage to help cut time and improve us to 150 days approximated travel time. With coordination and practice they tweak out a mix of summoned creatures for maximum efficiency and trim us to 145 days.

Chulainn and I take turns hanging out on the periscope as the caster keep creatures rotating in and out. Four months later a group of extremely haggard and foul smelling adventurers emerge from our metal tube and set foot on dry land.

Me: A few months ago we saved the world and now we are celebrating another major victory…being able to walk ten feet.

Kneel: I see something odd in that clearing ahead.

The Something Odd is a lightweight but durable wicker idol of the Parrot. As we head inland we find the things everywhere.

Paddock: We are ten days walk from Flynt…its not too far out of the way back to the Plains, should we make a stop?

Me: I think our priority has to be finding the remaining list items and getting to the Plains on time.

Kemen: What is on the list?
Paddock: a white cow with three black spots…yellow kernels from a tall green plant, and refined olive oil from olive grown on the south slope of a vineyard.

Chulainn: This guy is a whack job. Do you think there is any chance he is actually going to come through on helping?

Kemen: We have come this far. Might as well see it finished.

Sendings once again work and we manage to wrangle Androka into getting us the oil. Chulainn is sent as a solitary scout to investigate Flynt while the rest of us try to track down a cow and the green plant with yellow kernels.
We all meet back up on the outskirts of the Plains where Coe-Nan was laid to rest with 2 nights to spare. The cow turned out to be the hardest item to track down.

Chulainn gives us a dire update. The entire region around Flynt has converted to the Parrot. Anything in the world with wings has flocked (pun very much intended) to his cause. Every sphinx, harpy, roc, griffon, chimera, and sparrow for a thousand miles lives to peck at his commands. Worse for us…a number of sphinxes that survived the spear temple are now his personal retinue and they confirmed the avionic atrocities we committed.

Any one that speaks out against him is dropped into a nest and eaten alive. A whole cities population is dedicated to polishing bird eggs across the country. The wicker idols have spread like wildfire everywhere. Too much of the world is still trying rebuild and put together a semblance of order…as such there are no armies that could stand up against him. Chulainn goes on further to explain one of the 13 liches attempted an assassination attempt on the Parrot when he infringed on the liches domain. The Parrot handed his ass back to him on a silver platter and is now using him as a regenerating chew toy.

We make camp at the tomb of Coe-Nan and wait for the wizard to hopefully show up. There are equal parts relief and terror when the Revenge comes into sight the following night. The friggin wizard turned into a party boat with lots of lights and decorations. We see him lounging on the deck sun tanning surrounded by at least 50 elven maidens and nymphs. As he gets within bowshot of us the serving girls and decorations disappear. He cheerfully waves to us from the stolen ship and welcomes us aboard.

T’Hun: you guys made it huh? You must be really comitted to making this happen.
Kemen: you have no idea…

T’Hun: Alright then…lets do this…

The wizard teleports himself off the ship and over to the tomb. He flips the key and flute back to Kemen and then claps his hands making a full workbench appear. He then calmly sits down and milks the cow…

T’Hun: 3 black spots…perfect.

As the milk sits in a pedestal a mortar starts churning it as if wielded by an invisible hand. The green vegetable’s yellow seeds and the oil go into a pan over some coals…

Chulainn opens his mouth to interrupt the description being given then shakes his head and stays quiet.

As the milk is churned to butter it too is placed over some hot coals and begins to melt…we watch as the seeds begin to pop in the oil…

Paddock: he is making…popcorn?

In a haze we watch the wizard cook himself up a bowl of popcorn complete with home churned and melted butter. He then takes the five objects we retrieved for him and goes to work on a potion. By potion I mean he takes the clear liquid that suddenly unstoppered smells a lot like vodka and mixes it with the lake berries. The sliver of ice is dropped inside and he stirs the mixture with the enchanted wand. The whole thing goes inside the crystal chalice and he takes a sip of it…

T’Hun: This is honestly the best vodka martini I have ever made. Now let’s see about your friend…

The wizard leans back in a suddenly summoned chair and sips his martini while chewing popcorn. In stunned silence we watch him munch away for about twenty minutes and then it strikes midnight….a swirling portal in the sky opens and a shimmer of light descends to the barbarians tomb. Moments later the earth heaves and Coe-Nan rises from his own grave choking on dust. He looks perfectly healthy and human.

Kemen: Ok…what the hell is going on?

T’Hun: your comrade was technically the avatar of a demi god at the time he died. As he died outside his home plane he was banished from the Material Plane for 1 year’s time. Midnight tonight marked the one year anniversary.

Kemen: So you did absolutely nothing. He would have come back no matter what. You intervened in no measureable way.

T’hun: hell no…that sounds too much like work. I just made popcorn and a drink to watch the show. Not often you get to see something like that.

T’Hun walks up to the dazed barbarian and slaps him on the shoulder.

T’Hun: If you survive the parrot I would love to hear about your last year. Until then I plan on getting back to my island and keeping my head low. Have fun gents and whatever you do don’t kill Snickle.

Coe-Nan: Snickle? You guys found the Halfling? He didn’t steal our ship again did he?

**Lord Torath** · 2013-02-07, 03:02 PM (ISO 8601)

I think you need to re-check your math. 2,000 miles at 100 miles per day is 20 days, not 200. And if your DM meant 20,000 miles from the continent, that's a biiiig planet you're on, as Earth is only 25,000 miles around (so you are never more than 12,500 miles from any particular location).

I'm surprised no-one tried to kill the half-elf. That'd of been my first order of business.

So with ~~Conan~~Coe-nan back, what happens to Kneel?

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-07, 03:14 PM (ISO 8601)

I think you need to re-check your math. 2,000 miles at 100 miles per day is 20 days, not 200. And if your DM meant 20,000 miles from the continent, that's a biiiig planet you're on, as Earth is only 25,000 miles around (so you are never more than 12,500 miles from any particular location).

I dont think we ever questioned that at the time....but that is a good point.

I'm surprised no-one tried to kill the half-elf. That'd of been my first order of business.

We were a bit shell shocked at the turn of events and it actually didnt come up then...that came later.

So with ConanCoe-nan back, what happens to Kneel?

Ill have that answer posted before the end of the day.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-07, 04:12 PM (ISO 8601)

Ruffled Feathers:

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Kneel: You know…Erick told me you were all valiant heroes and honorable men. I would not go so far as to dispute that assessment, but I do feel that chaos shares your bedrolls. I think it would be best if we simply parted ways. I have seen this Parrot and think that I can better serve my homeland there and not with you.

Coe-Nan:What has my parrot gotten himself into?

Me: Snickle accidentally created a cult of zealots that treat him as their god. He has expanded his sphere of influence for hundreds of miles in all direction and raised an army of anything with feathers and wings. His followers are complete off the scale nutjobs and fervent worshippers. He has commanded his followers to kill us and bring him lady parrots and flying monkeys (no chimps). He also put forth an edict not to harm to dire badgers or sea turtles…so he has a merciful side

Coe-Nan: Jeez you go and get yourself killed for a year and the whole world goes to pot. Feel like we just saved it too.

Kemen: You missed the U-Boat…be thankful…very very thankful. Now we just need a plan for how to work against the Parrot. We have been banking on Coe-Nan having influence as it’s owner, but that does us little good if the bird doesn’t care anymore or it kills us before we can get within range of it.

Me: I got this one guys…I had lots of time to think while in the boat…Snickle we are going to need you for this one…and its probably going to be dangerous.

Kemen: If its dangerous for him Im in.
Me: Good. We are going to need lots of white paint.

A few days later:

The Dread Parrot Roberts sits upon a throne at the heart of Flynt. Legions of winged fanatical creatures attend his every whim. From the fringe of the great nest and the heart of his ever expanding empire a great ruckus begins. Snickle…in full high priest regalia comes back to the nest…atop a great floating egg. Before he can be eaten he goes into his planned spiel.

Snickle: Behold my brethren…the Great Feathered One has a son! In this egg grows the heir to the OverParrot’s empire. He sups upon the yoke of conquest and is nurtured by the shell of strength. I his humble prophet have returned his offspring to the nest where he will take wing and follow in his fathers footsteps…err wingspan.

Kemen from inside the Trojan Egg…
Kemen: Are they buying it?

Snickle *whisper*: Don’t know he is mostly looking confused just like everybody else…
Me: Close enough.

A wall of armored Roc’s stop Snickle’s forward progress just shy of the Dread Parrot.

The Parrot eyes the egg and finally turns to a fence whereupon a 100 green tailed lady parrots sit.

Dread Parrot: Alright…someone has some explaining to do. Who laid the egg? Not even a heads up? I don’t even have a cigar…

ALL: Get HIM!

The thin shell of the fake egg is broken and Coe-Nan makes a jumping leap over the Roc’s with the Parrot’s cage in hand. He tackles the parrot into the cage and slams the door shut.

Dread Parrot: Hey it’s the cracker bitch! Figured you would be feeding worms by now. I had plans for picking them out from your corpse…they are extra juicy when they are corpse fed.

Coe-Nan: you have been busy….

Dread Parrot: eh…the whole deity thing was getting kind of boring…they couldn’t even find a decent flying monkey…

As he says that he gestures with his beak to a poor little Rhesus Monkey with some fake wings glued to it’s back.

Coe-Nan: So you want to tell your cult to disperse…
Dread Parrot: yeah…only had one thing left to command anyway and now that you guys are here I can wrap it up.

BURN THIS WHOLE PLACE TO CINDERS. IMMOLATE EVERYTHING.

Kemen: Well it almost worked…

Coe-Nan: I know you are insane but are you crazy? You will be burned up too.

Dread Parrot: well I think I’m part phoenix figured it was worth looking into.

Kemen: Alright fireballs at the ready, Im going to explode anyone that even thinks about burning this place down…

Me:Think about what you just said…
Kemen: oh yeah….giant wicker bird nest…right.

The Dread Parrot’s “clerics” don’t hesitate and begin dropping flamestrikes everywhere. Towers of flame ignite all over the place and the whole place instantly starts going up like a candle. On the battle mat our DM grabs several red circles and places them in random spots on the map. He then takes two handfuls of dice and just kind of throws them all over the place.
DM: Red for Roc…Green for Griffon…Clear for Chimera…Steel for Sphinx. Red circles are fire.
All: Yikes…that’s a lot of birds and a lot of fires.

Coe-Nan leaps back to the egged Revenge and throws the parrot in his cage below deck. As we hear the cage rolling down the stairs…

Parrot: Is that anyway to treat a god?

Kemen is trying to mentally steer the Revenge out of the rapidly burning nest-city while Paddock starts summoning water elementals as anti fire measures. I am sniping against anything buzzing the ship while Chulainn provides cover for the casters. Birds keep making diving fly by attacks where they try to grapple us and throw us off the ship. Coe-Nan scrambles up the ship’s main mast and shouts at the top of his lungs.

Coe-Nan: I HAVE TAKEN YOUR GOD…IF YOU WANT HIM BACK COME FOR ME!
Chulainn: You know that Kneel guy was pretty bland…im glad to have Coe-Nan back…
Me: you and me both.

Pretty quickly the birds alter tactics and begin carrying cleric/barbarians to the ship and dropping them off to attack us. Chulainn is kept extremely busy and Kemen is forced to devote his resources to deck duty while Paddock tries to manage the rising flames. Coe-Nan is drawing in attackers like moths to the flame and he lays waste with axes all over the place. It actually complicates things for us on deck as we have to avoid falling corpses. Snickle goes MIA and we aren’t sure where he ended up.

I blow the first opposed check and get snatched by a Roc and tossed into a burning circle.

Me: glad to know all the fire resist stuff we crafted turned out to be more useful inside a giant birds nest than on the ELEMENTAL PLANE OF FIRE.

The fire damage is not the end of the world, but the scores of crazed cultists are problematic. Kemen dutifully swings the ship around to pick me up but they are under heavy attack and soon after I get the winged boot so to does Coe-Nan. His falling is like a starter gun as circling swarms descend to attack him.

Kemen: Well the city is burning already…going to make it extra toasty in here.

Kemen starts lobbing fireballs all around Coe-Nan and manages to drive off the majority of attackers. Chulainn jumps from the ship and goes to aid the barbarian while I sprint to catch up to them from behind. Paddock’s water elementals are containing some of the blaze, but the fireballed area is spiraling out of control. He surges his summoned minions to that spot and it becomes our Little Big Horn. Coe-Nan is the flag we rally around and make a gritty stand with.

Alone he is fighting most of his attackers to a standstill and with Chulainn in tow they cut a swathe of frying chicken. Kemen get snatched by a Roc and he goes tumbling in an opposite direction…then stabilizes in mid air via levitate. A coordinated formation dive bombs and snatches Paddock up flinging him in a different direction. The battle becomes pure madness as we now have four different engagements being waged.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-07, 05:07 PM (ISO 8601)

Getting Along Like a Bird-House On Fire:

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Things get desperate in a hurry. Paddock is able to take care of himself with elementals supporting him and self healing. Kemen is harried and flipped around but not heavily attacked. Coe-Nan and Chulainn are hit from every side and angle. They are covered head to toe in viscera and blood and the corpses stack up around them. They end up backing up INTO the flames for cover.

I am being constantly attacked by cultists and I am struggling mightily to avoid allowing AOO’s against me. I am garbage with melee weapons and I eat a fair number of AOO’s just to get full attacks into those on me. Paddock makes it to the melee and hits them with some much needed healing. Kemen puts a few hound archons near me and takes off some of the pressure.
There is no retreat in them and they are not hesitating to suicide bomb us.
Kemen seizes on an idea and runs with it…he tried to mentally command the crew despite not being on the ship and it responds moving to him…he puts the ship under him and levitates down to the crow’s nest. He then brings the ship towards me and starts burning paths with flaming spheres….

Me: What are you doing? We are almost out of room.
Kemen: So are they.

I get aboard the Revenge and take control of the ship as Kemen keeps a steady burn across the last blank parts of the map. He swings the Revenge around to Paddock and Co and puts his last fireballs to work around them, adding a Wall of Fire.

Kemen: Safe to say the whole place is blazing?
DM: Yep…
Kemen: Everyone below deck…lets wait em out.

We shelter inside the Revenge while the city burns around us. The following morning we pop the hatch and witness the aftermath. There are still lots of flyers all over the countryside, but the city is about clear. We kick the Revenge into high gear and pick up a steady stream of flyers on our tail. Chulainn happens to notice the hatch closing on the ship and realizes that we are now locked out on the deck.

Parrot: The breeze was a little stiff with all these trees burned down…so I closed the door

Kemen and I attack from maximum range and try to thin the pursuing flock. Coe-Nan pivots a scorpion and starts sending eight foot long bolts into the air. He crits and kills a griffon and fist pumps

Coe-Nan: Chicken kabobs served fresh!

We are cleaning house and dropping birds like flies when Paddock gets a note…
Paddock: We got incoming from the other side.
Kemen: More rocs?
Paddock: no…angels…Devas and Planetars…
Coe-Nan: no…he didn’t convert…

Sure enough there half a dozen Astral Devas and a Planetar all wearing bright face paint and covered in rainbow plumes. They are still clearly angels…but something is horribly wrong with their eyes.

We hear the parrot cackling from below deck…

Parrot: I’ve gone multiplanar…sweet
Paddock: We can’t kill angels…
Kemen: I think they are definitely going to be trying to kill us…
Chulainn: Don’t you think attacking ANY angel will trigger reprecussions? Even fanatical cultist angels?

Me: what else can we do?
Coe-Nan: might be able to talk to them?

Kemen brings the ship to a full stop and raises a white flag. The Angels wave off the pursuers and slowly fly to the ship.

Planetar: Free our Parrot or face oblivion.
Coe-Nan: hey Roberts…they want you.
Parrot: Occupied at the moment…tell em to come back later.
Coe-Nan: Your god is busy at the moment he said come back later.
Planetar: We will wait…

After about three minutes of awkward tension the hatch opens and The Parrot comes on deck, out of its cage.

The Angel goes to one knee and bows before the Parrot.
Planetar: We have to liberate you Great One.
Parrot: Don’t bother…I am done with the whole god thing…could really go for some silver though.
Planetar: My lord I don’t understand.
Parrot: Go worship something else…I’m retired.
Planetar: But…you saved us this world…you have given all those with wings new hope…
Parrot: go find some turkey and worship it for all I care.
Planetar: What have they done to you Great One?

Parrot: They kidnapped me and told me if I didn’t say these things they would murder my real heir.
Coe-Nan: We said no such thing!

Planetar: Silence! You animals would dare threaten his offspring? We shall secure your heir my lord and once he is safe we will rescue you.

Parrot: Check the city…pretty sure he was left there somewhere. *chuckle*

The Angels take wing and all the other flyers join them…we watch them race back to the burned city.

Parrot: What a maroon..he bought that. I kill me sometimes. So where do you keep all the coins at? Im famished.

Coe-Nan: Come on ill get you some silver.
Me: so what do we do when they come back? We can’t slaughter angels.

A few minutes later Coe-Nan comes back up top.
Coe-Nan: Did you guys move all the good stuff out of the vault?

Kemen: No…it still has everything in there.
Coe-Nan: Are you sure? Cause it’s empty.

Kemen moves faster than even the monk and his metal boots send sparks flying as he races for the vault. The empty vault….
Chulainn: Empty…
Me: empty…
Paddock: we did lose track of Snickle during the fight in the nest.

I won’t lie…dice got thrown at our DM here. Heavy metal dice…

**Axinian** · 2013-02-07, 05:47 PM (ISO 8601)

Ok im pretty sure even a LG character would kill Snickle in cold blood at his point.

Also, does the parrot EVER get explained? Or does he just exist without reason?

**Amidus Drexel** · 2013-02-07, 06:31 PM (ISO 8601)

Keep the story/parrot shenanegins coming!

Originally Posted by Axinian

Ok im pretty sure even a LG character would kill Snickle in cold blood at his point.

Also, does the parrot EVER get explained? Or does he just exist without reason?

I'm pretty sure the Parrot exists to derail the plot when the players fail to do so in a timely manner.

**Doorhandle** · 2013-02-08, 06:47 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Axinian

Ok im pretty sure even a LG character would kill Snickle in cold blood at his point.

I'm about ready to do that at this point. Ideally, by picking up the dread parrot roberts and beating him with it, or vice versa.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-08, 08:26 AM (ISO 8601)

Also, does the parrot EVER get explained? Or does he just exist without reason?

I will not say one way or another until I finish the full recap. I can tell you where the genesis of the Parrot came from. It was according to our DM A combination of the Parrot from Terry Pratchett's book Eric and the Monty Python/Cheech and Chong/Mel Brooks Troop movie Yellowbeard. Yes Monty Python, Cheech and Chong, Marty Feldman,Madeline Khan and Peter Boyle all made a movie together. It was the awful-hilarious stuff that breeds a cult following.

In Eric, a young boy uses his grandfathers occult lab and makes a summoning circle to bring forth a devil to grant him wishes. He ends up sumonning the world's worst wizard. In the attic where all the occult junk is kept is an ancient and decrepit parrot with a bad memory.

Yellowbeard is a ridiculous pirate movie and has a scene where the main character is recreating the events that led to him burying his treasure. Words can't describe it. You have to watch it.

Our DM siezed on the idea of a parrot that COULD lead you to untold riches, but it was too messed up to do it with any consistency. It morphed into a full blown cursed item and popped up in this campaign eventually.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-08, 09:39 AM (ISO 8601)

You Would Have Done the Same-

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Kemen: Alright…the Parrot’s Cult can wait. They should be off on a wild goose chase for the Parrot’s heir. I want to track down Snickle and then build a demi-plane dedicated to making him suffer.

Strangely enough no one voices any dissent, even Paddock is hard pressed to resist tracking him down. The question then becomes…where did he go. I am proud of the group when we first scour the ship top to bottom to ensure he is not stowed away or just hiding on the ship. Once we eliminate the possibility of a stow away we next look at a map of the region. There is a sizeable coastal settlement to north that could be reached without great hardship. Any other major cities or habitations are under siege by the Parrot Cult or farther treks to reach.

We put the Revenge on an intercept course for the coastal town of Pholl. It takes most of the afternoon and when we arrive it’s like we arrived during mardi gras. Straight up dancing in the streets and rejoicing. As we pull in everyone acts like a group of teenagers that just got caught drinking in the high school gym…lots of shushing and snickers. A portly man wearing a wealth of jewels and gems (most of which are familiar to us) walks up to the Revenge…

Mayor: I am the mayor of Pholl…how can we help you fine folks
Me: We are looking for a Halfling…calls himself Snickle.
Mayor: Ahhh yes. We became very familiar with that fine fellow just a few hours ago.
Kemen: Where is he?
Mayor: Wouldn’t tell us. He spent more money in half an hour then we see in a year and bought every vessel,frigate and cog in the harbor. Hired out every able bodied man and boy to man the crews and took on a mountain of provisions. Then he boarded one of the ship’s and they all left in different directions.

Paddock *in an aside to us*: So I have consulted Kord for guidance and direction. He told me that specialized demi planes for punishment are allowable given the circumstances.

The Halfling purchased a whole town’s supplies and ships and then split them off in four different fleets, all heading in different compass directions. He made himself the shell in a shell game and we have to somehow figure out which way he went. We are halfway tempted to roll a d4 and just pick from that. Instead we try to divine intelligence from the plot.

North is the frozen continent and home of T’hun

East is Cinhill Rue and the Hullbreaker Islands

The Weald is west of us…but that is staffed by a group of people familiar with the Halfling and we can reasonably exclude anything of note in that direction.

South…is mostly Parrot Territory. The Dread Parrot told us that he was encouraging his people to head south because migratory birds would deem that a good omen.

So from a plot standpoint North and East feel most likely. But because we are adventurers and because we overthink things…West could make sense from a “last place we would expect” perspective.

We elect to head north and alert Androka at Cinhill Rue and have him tell us if the Halfling shows up.

The Revenge can outrun just about any other ship and within hours we find the northern fleet. More accurately the remains of it. All ten ships are destroyed…badly burned and ripped apart. A few survivors are pulled from the water. They confirm a few suspicions.

Survivor: The Halfling wasn’t with us. He paid for us to meander the northern waters for a week then return to port. Almost immediately after we launched a winged giant began following us. When he approached we told him the Halfling wasn’t with us. It made him angry and he destroyed our whole group.

Chulainn: Why would Poligius be chasing Snickle?
Survivor: He didn’t say.
Kemen: Which fleet was the Halfling with?
Survivor: he didn’t tell us.

Me: Let’s cut west…that is the least likely route so it is now the most likely route.

We make a short layover to return the survivors home then head West at full steam, we hug the coast and dart in and around much like our pattern of searching for the Pride so long ago. The Western fleet is located in the same state as the northern. A few survivors all saying that a dragon winged giant attacked them.

Increasingly perturbed we cut overland south and grumble for a few days as we head around parrot territory. An extensive and time consuming search eventually locates the southern fleet, no survivors and barely any wreckage left. Also no Halfling.

Kemen: How is Poligius moving so fast and how does he know where to look?

No one ventures a guess. Other than him having access to spells like teleport.

Me: Ok…if you were an obnoxious twit that somehow knew a truly devastating and unstoppable half breed warrior was after you…where would you hide?

Kemen: I would create a trail to draw him off and then find the single most secure unfindable spot possible.
Paddock: I know where he is!
Coe-Nan: He never left the town did he?
Paddock: No…Poligius would be able to backtrack to the town. I would expect Pholl is now in ashes. But Snickle was with us when we located an undetectable and highly secured position.

Kemen: Where?
Paddock: The vault inside the Titan’s Pride.

**CoffeeIncluded** · 2013-02-08, 10:07 AM (ISO 8601)

When even the paladin suggests stuffing you into the Demiplane of Extremely Painful Torture, you may want to rethink your life choices.

**Amidus Drexel** · 2013-02-08, 10:13 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded

When even the paladin suggests stuffing you into the Demiplane of Extremely Painful Torture, you may want to rethink your life choices.

Hehehehe.

Indeed.

You don't mind if I sig that, do you?

**CoffeeIncluded** · 2013-02-08, 10:22 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Amidus Drexel

Hehehehe.

Indeed.

You don't mind if I sig that, do you?

Not at all! In fact, I'm honored!

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-08, 10:53 AM (ISO 8601)

Wounded Pride-

Spoiler

Show

The Pride was last anchored far to the east and our attempts to communicate with Bjorn the Elder are futile. Either he is dead, or the ship’s full defenses are active. Neither prospect is good.

We mix overland and sea travel to make the most direct course to the last known position of the Pride. It takes a degree of searching and hunting but we manage to hunt down the Pride. The ship appears to be fine and all the normal operations we would expect are in their proper flow. Bjorn himself hails us from the deck and invites us aboard.

Bjorn: A Halfling? The little bugger that tried to abandon you? Haven’t seen any Halflings in a long time. Most of them don’t venture far from home anymore.

Kemen: We think he may have hidden in your vault.
Bjorn: I doubt that is possible. But feel free to follow me down and we can take a look together.

We follow Bjorn down to the lower levels and Kemen and I begin an investigation of the vault, trying to locate any extradimensional spaces or unusual features. We come up with nothing.

Bjorn: I told you he wasn’t inside the vault.
Snickle: Bjorn is telling the truth…because I’m right here.

We all turn from our position inside the vault and see Poligius and Snickle entering the room. Bjorn drops to a knee and bows before the hybrid.

Poligius: One of the first questions I asked my father was why he didn’t allow me to be born in control of many races. He gave me a simple and profound reason. With duplicate keys placed it increased my level of control and expanded the range. It was a much stronger and focused control…to the extent that those who bowed to my will would not only do so out of requirement but they would utilize their natural talents and take initiative on my behalf.

The hybrid turns to Snickle and pats him on the head.

Poligius: You have done well little one. I have fulfilled my end of our agreement. The wizard T’Hun is dead.

Paddock: Why did you do this Snickle? We rescued you. Twice.

Snickle still manages to look contrite. He gives us a half hearted smile and grimaces…

Snickle: When I left you the first time I was telling the truth…the world looked like it was about to end and I was looking for the winning side. I said I was looking for someone that actually could do something with their amulets. I hit the jackpot with Poligius here. After you killed his hopes of restoring his father he told me to find a way to bring you to him. I was happy to oblige.

Chulainn: Why would you have him kill T’Hun? T’Hun was his best shot at restoring Tiraxis.

Snickle: T’Hun was a charlatan. A scam. A con. Trust me I know. That guy was never going to help. And after I heard you guys talking about the diamond igloo… I mean come on that is the kind of gemstone that could set you up for a thousand lifetimes. I sure wasn’t going to steal it from a illusionist, but my friend here had no such problems.

Me: What is your angle in this Poligius? Revenge? Payback?

Poligius: No. I think I have finally found the one creature left that could restore Tiraxis to his glory. I want you to be present for his rebirth. I want to watch you in cower in anticipation knowing that his blade will snuff out your lives.

Coe-Nan: Who? The Parrot?

Poligius furrows his eyebrows…and shudders.

Poligius: Not that wretched creature. A true deity, one that has reclaimed his divine glory. He has not yet returned to the Cosmos…he still bides and waits for the strength for that. I have felt the sting of his spear and suffered the knowledge of his sight. In this window he possesses the power to resurrect Tiraxis and I will force him into submission and compel him to doing so.

From within his armor he removes a single tooth…long as a man’s arm and razor sharp.

Poligius: You slew the world serpent and left it’s corpse rotting in the space between worlds. A single tooth fell from on high to be reclaimed by me. A god can not be killed by an item of this world. Luckily for me…I have one not of this world.

Kemen: He is going to hold Odin hostage and force him to return Tiraxis.

Poligius: You shall witness these events firsthand. Until then enjoy your time inside the vault. I am told it is quite impervious.

Chulainn makes a sprint for the door and for a split second it looks like he will make it…then he runs into a Wall of Force. The vault door shuts and we hear a locking from the outside.

Coe-Nan starts swearing and smashing his axes against the door. The Parrot takes up a perch on the top of the door and yawns. He flies through the door and comes back a few minutes later munching on a silver necklace.
Kemen: Any chance you can do the same for us?
Parrot: Nah *munch munch* It gives me a headache.

**Kaveman26** · 2013-02-08, 12:47 PM (ISO 8601)

Ramming Speed:

Spoiler

Show

Hours and various skills are spent searching for a way out. The place is damn secure.

Kemen: I would have thought Beordie the type to build an escape hatch or backdoor. Sadly if he did we can’t find it.
Me:We have attacked the walls for hours with adamantine and can’t even scratch the paint.
Chulainn: I tried to Dimension Door out…no luck
Paddock: My attempts to reach out via prayer are blocked.
Coe-Nan: You think Snickle stole our ship again?
Kemen: No I have the keys with me.
Me: Can you control the ship from inside?
Kemen: I can try.

It requires a staggeringly difficult concentration check, but Kemen is able to make a mental connection to the ship and he keeps a vague mental picture of it’s location.

Kemen: Yeah I can move it, but barely.

Coe-Nan: Hey Parrot…what would it take for you to unlock the door from the other side?
Parrot: It would take me getting off my duff and flying through the door. Fat chance that will happen.

Coe-Nan: Right…all that hard work. Much better to wait here. I mean every minute we sit here is another minute that Snickle gets further away with a few million dollars worth of snacks.
Parrot: I do love me some gemstone crackers.

Coe-Nan: I know right? I mean he is heading straight for a diamond the size of a house, and I’m sure you won’t mind the former high priest of your religion taking it for himself. Maybe its just me but a diamond the size of a house would be the most fantastic birdcage ever!
Parrot: You are willing to give me the diamond as a bird house.
Coe-Nan: Nah…that would require me getting off my duff and tracking down the backstabbing little devil.

Parrot: WELL WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR YOU LILLY LIVERED RAPSCALLION KNAVES. GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASSES AND GET ME MY NEW BIRDCAGE!

*click*

The vault door opens.

Kemen: Subtle.

Poligius and Snickle are gone, but a ready supply of fanatic storm giants thralls remain.

Me: I am getting a horrible sense of Déjà vu. Seems like only yesterday Chu and I were trying to break into the vault and then hunt down Snickle to get our ship back. Now we are breaking out of a vault to get on our ship and hunt down Snickle.

Storm Giants sent lightning bolts down hallways and spear sized arrows streak through the air. We are forced to fight deck to deck against the ship’s crew and our former allies. Paddock does his best to stabilize any fallen but not dead giants.

Paddock: If we end Poligius we can save them. I can’t bear the thought of needlessly killing them.

Kemen has the Revenge in motion as we reach the ship’s top deck and we are scrambling to board as arrows and lightning strike all around us. We know we can outrun the Pride but she is putting all her siege weapons to bear and dropping an armies worth of ammunition at us. Our ship is durable, but the bigger siege weapons and boulders are denting the hull and interrupting the hovering capability of the ship.

The Parrot is laughing and flying through the air dancing with the falling projectiles when it suddenly nose dives into the ocean…The Revenge makes an ugly lurch then suddenly pitches forward at double it’s top speed. Churning it’s wings underwater in a bizarre circle is the suddenly enormous dread parrot…he is pushing the ship fast enough to send us skipping like a speedboat on choppy water.

We get a substantial lead on the Pride and then the parrot lands on the deck and shakes out its feathers…drenching us all. It then reverts to its normal size and takes a nap.

Coe-Nan: Any thoughts on how we track down Odin?

Kemen: Well in stories he is a wanderer, a trickster and a man of wisdom. It is said that he gave up an eye for knowledge and spent a week hanging from the Tree of the World to gain wisdom and insight. He is also associated with ravens and the spear. We know he has the eye patch so he has already given up the eye. He got his spear back from us and we saw his ravens. That leaves the world tree. If you were going to ambush a god I suppose you want to do so when he is vulnerable.

Chulainn: I have never heard of anything along the lines of a single grand tree on this plane.

None of us has.

Me: *clearing throat* I do have one potential contact familiar with nature. They may be able to give us a lead.

Coe-Nan: one of the druids?
Paddock: Wahloon?
Chulainn: Oh…do you mean who I think you mean?
Me: Well I did have a good rapport with the nymph on the Hullbreaker’s Edge islands.

Kemen: Good rapport? You left her knocked up!
Me: Well yeah but she didn’t seem too mad about it.

Chulainn: The last time we got involved with one of your flings we ended up on the Elemental Plane of Fire trying to stop your son from destroying reality to bring back my arch nemesis from beyond the grave. Is that really all we have to work with?

Me: Unless someone else can think of something?

A few days later we approach the Hullbreaker chain and I do my best to curry comb my fur and make my fangs nice and shiny. Just because I’m a bugbear doesn’t mean I cant look my best.

We hover inland to her clearing and find her resting on a boulder near her spring….a trio of small children run back and forth through the glade…jumping in and out plants in an advanced game of fae hide and seek.

Kemen: Triplets? Oh Morradin be merciful. This is going to end badly.
Me: So how are things?

Nymph: Splendid. The children are vibrant and full of life…a bit mischevious, but that is too expected. Your fur looks quite splendid….did you brush it?
Me: A little touch up.

Kemen: *ahem* World Tree…resurrection of the bad guy…death of a god. Take your pick but all of those are important than your small talk flirting.

Nymph: World tree? Ydrassil?

Kemen: If that is the Tree of Life or World Tree then sure.

The nymph is suddenly weary and an unspoken command send the three fae blooded half nymphs into hiding beneath the spring. She is suddenly all business.

Nymph: of what concern is the world tree to you?

Me: Well you see there is this hybrid…my son actually…who…

We spill the whole story to her and leave nothing out. She is shocked and disturbingly…rather interested in my son. She is also dismayed at our information regarding Odin. Her first reaction is check on her children. After ensuring they are safe below the springs she emerges and tells us what she knows.

Nymph: If these gods once again are walking the material realm it means a shift in the world approaches. To locate the World Tree is no easy task. Not because it is guarded or special, but because it is so mundane in appearance. I honestly do not know how one such as this Poligius would be able to find it.

Kemen: He seemed confident that he could locate Odin and this is the only lead we have to work on.

Nymph: I am hardly all knowing. He may have means I can’t fathom. I will show you how to find Ydrassil but you must swear an oath stronger than my ties to the land.

Paddock: Name it.

Nymph: The tree must not be harmed. If Odin already hangs from it’s branches you must not allow him to touch the ground. At all costs and no matter what perceived consequence he must not be allowed to touch the earth until his eyes open.

Kemen: We so swear.

The nymph goes to the highest point of her glade and makes a graceful swan dive into the waters below…as the mist from her landing sprays over us…so too does a haze of mist that smells like flowers and dew…

We come back to our senses in a cavern coated entirely in quartz and silver. A single ray of light pierces from outside and shines a beacon to a small bonsai looking plant at the edge of an underground river. The nymph goes to the tree and examines it closely. A caterpillar’s cocoon sits amongst the tiny branches.

Nymph: He is here…your rival does not yet appear to have found him.
Me: The caterpillar is Odin?
Nymph: yes.
Coe-Nan: That plant is the world tree?
Nymph: yes
Kemen: Stop being so doubtful. Great things come in small packages…I am living proof of that.

Me: How long before he…matures?

Nymph: I don’t know when he arrived, but two weeks give or take.
Kemen: Then we should get down to securing this cavern for as long as we can.

We are bumped to level 15 (7th level cleric spells become available) and we prepare to defend a caterpillar god.

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