Mystic Muse's Magnificent Masquerade Random Banter #225

[LaZodiac]

Anyway, I'm considered a mid-tier powerhouse because my challenge rating is 10.

I'm just guessing. Maybe not a CR 10 but a CR 5 or 4 at least.

And what special skills do you bring to the table? Pretend I'm some sort of lich who's interviewing you for a mid boss, maybe even a dungeon boss position. What makes you think you're worth it?

consider it a writing prompt because this sort of thing is one of my favorite.

[DataNinja]

And what special skills do you bring to the table? Pretend I'm some sort of lich who's interviewing you for a mid boss, maybe even a dungeon boss position. What makes you think you're worth it?

consider it a writing prompt because this sort of thing is one of my favorite.

Oh, if we're doing this… well, I bring a disarming innocence to the table that will make the heroes possibly pause as I politely ask them to cease their advance. At least until they realize I have zero actual skills and they can just walk right past me.

[factotum]

Why is everyone talking about the His Dark Materials trilogy like they're ancient? The first book was published in 1995! I didn't think knowledge of LGBT issues had advanced so significantly in 24 years?

[DataNinja]

Why is everyone talking about the His Dark Materials trilogy like they're ancient? The first book was published in 1995! I didn't think knowledge of LGBT issues had advanced so significantly in 24 years?

For me at least it's not so much felt as "it wasn't known" as "the author just didn't really put a whole lot of deep thought regarding it to a little bit of worldbuilding." Which, I mean, is totally fine. Sometimes things can just be light fare, done for the sake of sounding cool or interesting.

[Fyraltari]

Spoiler: me, speaking to myself to remember how to spell out the words in Google translate on my phone

Show

kwoo on muh apple lay four bee!

French sounds terrible when said like that. Good call on saying it the way you do.

Pretty rare to see a non native French speaker say that, I have to say.

[Anonymouswizard]

And what special skills do you bring to the table? Pretend I'm some sort of lich who's interviewing you for a mid boss, maybe even a dungeon boss position. What makes you think you're worth it?

consider it a writing prompt because this sort of thing is one of my favorite.

I possess a unique Special Attack called Drone, which can be used at will, takes one minute, abs forces a DC18 Will Save to avoid falling asleep. Know I realise that the activation time is a bit of an issue, but at my next level up I plan to take an Aura which will make it impossible for anybody to attack as long as they're holding a cup of tea.

Plus I can also fix the electricals in your dungeon. Flaming torches might be alright for prisoners, but what will adventurers say if they have to fight in such conditions?

[Bartmanhomer]

And what are you basing this on, exactly?

My real life skills, talents and abilities

So... maybe a party of four The Furies might stand a chance?

(Don't imagine there being four of me. That would be horrible.)

Yikes but I can handle it

CR 5 means a party of 4 level 5 characters is a fair fight. If you are a CR 5, that means you could take, for ex mple, an armored person with a sword, a wizard who can cast Fireball, an armored holy warrior with a heavy mace, and a bow-and-arrow sniper. All at the same time.

I can beat everybody.

And what special skills do you bring to the table? Pretend I'm some sort of lich who's interviewing you for a mid boss, maybe even a dungeon boss position. What makes you think you're worth it?

consider it a writing prompt because this sort of thing is one of my favorite.

I'm a weaponmaster and I'm very good with all types of weapons plus my unarmed strike.

[LaZodiac]

Oh, if we're doing this… well, I bring a disarming innocence to the table that will make the heroes possibly pause as I politely ask them to cease their advance. At least until they realize I have zero actual skills and they can just walk right past me.

Very high chance of getting a heel face turn into a mascot character, fired.

I possess a unique Special Attack called Drone, which can be used at will, takes one minute, abs forces a DC18 Will Save to avoid falling asleep. Know I realise that the activation time is a bit of an issue, but at my next level up I plan to take an Aura which will make it impossible for anybody to attack as long as they're holding a cup of tea.

Plus I can also fix the electricals in your dungeon. Flaming torches might be alright for prisoners, but what will adventurers say if they have to fight in such conditions?

A useful ability that is predicated on some pretty strict situations. Good, but not miniboss or end boss category.

They'll say "oh no we can't see" and one of them will have darkvision. That said I like your gumption on modernization.

EDIT: Well Bartmanhomer, it's an impressive resume, but as we here at Avernum, Santana and X always say; bring me the source of your power. I'm gonna need some references.

[Anonymouswizard]

A useful ability that is predicated on some pretty strict situations. Good, but not miniboss or end boss category.

No, that's fair, I have been trying to get experience slaying dogooders but unfortunately the kobolds have pretty much dried up entry level jobs.

Also I just remembered that the Giant did the exact same joke near the start of OotS.

They'll say "oh no we can't see" and one of them will have darkvision. That said I like your gumption on modernization.

Why thank you. Now if you'll excuse me ExploreCorp has just got in touch, there's an ancient alien artefact that they need up and running by the time the main characters arrive.

[The Fury]

*Waiting patiently to be called into lich Zodi's office*

Whew! Is anyone else nervous? because I'm nervous. Bartmanhomer just interviewed for the position and he can defeat four of me! I'm not sure how we know this, since there isn't four of me, thank goodness. I've been told that one of me is a little much to deal with! heheh...

Sorry, I talk a lot when I'm feeling anxious. Good luck everyone!

And what special skills do you bring to the table? Pretend I'm some sort of lich who's interviewing you for a mid boss, maybe even a dungeon boss position. What makes you think you're worth it?

consider it a writing prompt because this sort of thing is one of my favorite.

I... ah... I have a fairly long adventuring career myself and have died multiple times but as you can see, I do not stay dead. Because of my demeanor, I'm usually considered a joke character until I do something cool. Though full disclosure, I'm usually only able to one cool thing per campaign.

[Bartmanhomer]

Very high chance of getting a heel face turn into a mascot character, fired.



A useful ability that is predicated on some pretty strict situations. Good, but not miniboss or end boss category.

They'll say "oh no we can't see" and one of them will have darkvision. That said I like your gumption on modernization.

EDIT: Well Bartmanhomer, it's an impressive resume, but as we here at Avernum, Santana and X always say; bring me the source of your power. I'm gonna need some references.

My supervisor, Lolth will give you the detail to confirm my resume.

[Anonymouswizard]

*Waiting patiently to be called into lich Zodi's office*

Whew! Is anyone else nervous? because I'm nervous. Bartmanhomer just interviewed for the position and he can defeat four of me! I'm not sure how we know this, since there isn't four of me, thank goodness. I've been told that one of me is a little much to deal with! heheh...

Sorry, I talk a lot when I'm feeling anxious. Good luck everyone!

Uh, yeah, that's right, certainly less than four of you, certainly not seventy two versions *draws curtain across cloning machine*

[The Fury]

Uh, yeah, that's right, certainly less than four of you, certainly not seventy two versions *draws curtain across cloning machine*

This... explains a lot actually.

(Psst! do you think lich Zodi will notice that my resume is just some blank sheets I stapled together?)

[LaZodiac]

I... ah... I have a fairly long adventuring career myself and have died multiple times but as you can see, I do not stay dead. Because of my demeanor, I'm usually considered a joke character until I do something cool. Though full disclosure, I'm usually only able to one cool thing per campaign.

I was looking for actual skills (I was expecting like, actual Your Personality traits, but this is fun) but we always need a recurring minion. Hired because I like your gumption and because I'm envisioning this as some sort of shy deredere style zombified Agrias and this is cute to me.

My supervisor, Lolth will give you the detail to confirm my resume.

Not for nothing but citing a god of lying liars who lie is not a good look.

[Bartmanhomer]

I was looking for actual skills (I was expecting like, actual Your Personality traits, but this is fun) but we always need a recurring minion. Hired because I like your gumption and because I'm envisioning this as some sort of shy deredere style zombified Agrias and this is cute to me.



Not for nothing but citing a god of lying liars who lie is not a good look.

I assure that Lolth is very honest and she doesn't condone fabrication and exaggeration.

[Peelee]

Not for nothing but citing a god of lying liars who lie is not a good look.

Lolth? She's dishonest, and a dishonest god you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.

[Mystic Muse]

I assure that Lolth is very honest and she doesn't condone fabrication and exaggeration.

...Are you getting Lolth mixed up with somebody else?

I just looked it up and one of her domains is trickery.

Also odd you work for her given how Drow culture, and her by extension feel about men.

[Bartmanhomer]

...Are you getting Lolth mixed up with somebody else?

I just looked it up and one of her domains is trickery.

Also odd you work for her given how Drow culture, and she by extension feel about men.

I do work for her and she does tolerate men. I'm also a Drow as well.

[The Fury]

Welp, so far it's been a productive morning! I got a new job as a recurring minion and the gaps in my backstory are starting to come together! I guess I really am some sort of zombie, which explains why I need so much coffee in order to function. Also my sickly, greyish complexion and why I don't bleed when I get stabbed... huh.

I suspect that Anonymouswizard reanimated me. That would explain why there's evidently clones of me and why I died so many times. I really should ask about that. I wonder if they're down to hang this weekend... I guess I should also ask lich Zodi about my new work schedule. I'm not even sure I have weekends off. Why do I never think to ask questions at interviews?

(edit: some of the traits that came up really are true about the actual me-- getting chatty while nervous, being shy, and getting underestimated until I demonstrate actual knowledge or competence in something.)

[Peelee]

I do work for her and she does tolerate men.

Do you have any bridges in Waterdeep to sell us?

[Bartmanhomer]

Do you have any bridges in Waterdeep to sell us?

What do you mean by that?

[Mystic Muse]

My real life skills, talents and abilities

Yikes but I can handle it

I can beat everybody.


I'm a weaponmaster and I'm very good with all types of weapons plus my unarmed strike.

You have failed to in any way elaborate or explain how your abilities are special, or why your theoretical Lich interviewer should actually hire you.

I do work for her and she does tolerate men. I'm also a Drow as well.

"Tolerate" is being extremely kind. To her, and drow society in general, men are considered inferior to women (no idea how she feels about trans people) and best case scenario are generals, worst case they're slaves and expendable.

[Peelee]

What do you mean by that?

Oof, my Brooklyn-born-and-raised dad is rolling over in his grave at you missing that one. He was also upset about the Dodgers to his dying day, I tells ya!

I mean this:

You have failed to in any way elaborate or explain how your abilities are special, or why your theoretical Lich interviewer should actually hire you.



"Tolerate" is being extremely kind. To her, and drow society in general, men are considered inferior to women (no idea how she feels about trans people) and best case scenario are generals, worst case they're slaves and expendable.

[LaZodiac]

What do you mean by that?

Reference to George C. Parker, a scam artist who "sold" landmarks to immigrants to trick them out of money. Originator of the phrase "if you believe that I've got a bridge to sell you" which is an expression implying sheer gullibility.

Ironically I literally looked up this information yesterday to talk to a friend about wacky history things and I always knew this story, but thought it was a guy selling it to the government and ****ing them over and getting paid for it but no, he's just a ****ty person. That sucks. History was a lot more fun when I was ignorant of how it's secretly just a bunch of bad people doing bad things.

Between this and the Fabio Roller Coaster story, all my "haha funny" moments are turning into "set fire to bad people" moments. Which, valid.

[Peelee]

History was a lot more fun when I was ignorant.

Imean, good things and people being happy don't make it into the history books as often.

[The Fury]

You have failed to in any way elaborate or explain how your abilities are special, or why your theoretical Lich interviewer should actually hire you.

Well, being strong enough to defeat four of me is something, right?

[Peelee]

Well, being strong enough to defeat four of me is something, right?

That depends on what your stats and abilities are, though, which we also don't know!

[LaZodiac]

Imean, good things and people being happy don't make it into the history books as often.

True and disappointing. Let's do our part to correct that grievous error. Don't forget the sins and pain of our past, but do remember the good times.

Well, being strong enough to defeat four of me is something, right?

You could take Bartmanhomer in a fight, absolutely. Based on what little I know of the both of you.

[The Fury]

That depends on what your stats and abilities are, though, which we also don't know!

Good enough to be a recurring minion, evidently. Which is admittedly better than I expected.

You could take Bartmanhomer in a fight, absolutely. Based on what little I know of the both of you.

You're not going to ask me to do that, are you?

[Bartmanhomer]

You have failed to in any way elaborate or explain how your abilities are special, or why your theoretical Lich interviewer should actually hire you.



"Tolerate" is being extremely kind. To her, and drow society in general, men are considered inferior to women (no idea how she feels about trans people) and best case scenario are generals, worst case they're slaves and expendable.

I master every weapon that exist throughout the entire world. I can even invent my own weapons.

If that was the case then why did Lolth hired me then?