Silly Plots 3: With government backing we can make it very silly

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

"Oh, uh, wait! Please, Sir! I do be not paying you yet." He reaches into a pocket and pulls out a bag of coins. The coins are mostly brass and zinc, but there's some copper and bronze coins in there, as well as a pewter coin. They're all minted in the same place, and bear on one side a dog's head in profile and on the other a number- 1 on the copper, 3 on the zinc, 4 on the brass, 5 on the bronze and 10 on the pewter. "It do be not much, but it do be all I can be sparing." He shrugs helplessly at that.

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

Koshal shakes his head and accepts the bag.
"Oh, it's no problem Mister. I'm happy to help." he assures the man, and goes to fetch his horse. Dune has been very patient, waiting through all of this.

[Murkus]

[Quiet Grove]

Lucy nods understandingly. Of course they're not gods!

She'd only sort of maybe partially thought Vivi was one.

Okay, maybe she'd genuinely thought it for a moment here or there, but she'd hadn't 100% committed to the idea!

A sly grin creeps over Lucy's face as she gently nudges Vivi in the side, "He's ruining my fun. How am I meant to properly worship you if I can't call you goddess?"

And then the moment passes and she smiles innocently somewhere vaguely in Sarcadian's direction, still not quite able to bring herself to look directly at the great stag. Sure, he may not be a god, but his form is undeniably godlike in appearance. Her jaw would drop halfway down to the forest floor if she stared directly at him!

[Quiet Grove]

Viviana emits a characteristically girlish giggle and grabs Lucy's nudgin' arm. "What you call me and what I am can be two different things," says Vivi, the ton of her voice promising all manner of licentiousness.

She looks at Lucy, then at her dear husband, both drawn into a sort of awkward silence with only the wind atop this high petal passing between them. Viviana takes the moment. She hugs an arm around Lucy and places her other hand on the younger lady's belly. "...What's the matter, dear? Your eyes are roving. Or rather, perhaps they aren't. I promise Sarcie is very fine to look at. I've wasted days doing it myself," she coos. She leans in to whisper in her new lover's ear. "And he's twice as nice to touch as he is to see. Do you want to try it?"

Sarcadian's posture starts to relax a little bit, one hand sliding to slip a thumb in his waistband, the other dangling by his side. His eyelids close halfway, and he simply seems to consider the women.

[Gnrlshrimp]

[Quiet Grove]

Presumably Sarcadian is quite used to his wife being a terrible influence on others.

Then again, maybe he enjoys being a terrible influence too, posing like that with his thumb in his waistband, standing so tall and calm like an expertly sculpted statue that-

Yeah, yeah, Lucy's staring now. Boy is she ever staring. Vivi seems to have broken whatever spell was preventing her young companion from looking, and now she can't take her eyes off him.

She audibly gulps.

"I-I may end up staring at him for as long as I stared at you."

[Slii Arhem]

Spoiler: Another World

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[Another World]

"Yes, I am an angel." Ithuriel takes the offered robe and pulls it round herself, grumbling slightly as she tucks her wings in and pulls them through the gaps in the back, an errant feather or two drifting down to the ground. She raises a hand and creates a shimmering portal in front of her and-

Ah. Okay, well that's definitely not a way out then. The portal is swiftly dismissed before the weird eye-thing on the other side gets any ideas. She shrugs. "I had to check." Nice to know she's stuck here for a week. Hopefully some freaky timey wimey nonsense will occur to mean she's not actually away from her existing duties for that long. Although Intersection does have a procedure for these things, it just involves some reeeeally tedious paperwork. And the timing isn't the greatest either. Getting snatched away from one crisis to helps with another doesn't really seem particularly helpful, overall. If she gets back to find Inside in ruins, it's hardly a fair trade for saving some other place she's never heard of...particularly when she's getting all the wrong sorts of vibes from Beauty.

"I am Ithuriel, angel of redemption. My "warrior-like" appearance is entirely supernatural. I could never do a minute's exercise in my life and I'd still be cursed with these looks." Cursed perhaps not the typical phrase used for one blessed with eternal youth, but there's certain disadvantages to always looking quite so long. She'd be much happier if she'd be frozen at, say, 30 instead. "And as an angel of redemption, my duty is to help those who have become misguided or who are deserving of a second chance, wherever possible. What kind of warrior can't kill anyone they know can yet be turned from their harmful actions to a peaceful life?"

However, if refusing to help results in the deaths of everyone here...

Ithuriel lets out a tired sigh and rubs her forehead. Why her?

"In desperate times, even the most corrupt of kings might spin a tale of woe to seduce a brave and foolhardy knight to their cause. If you want me to help, I need to know that I'm helping the right people. And you have to accept that I cannot simply run around mindlessly killing people in your name if they could be spared and turned from their path."

A New World

"I would suggest that you refrain from attempting to breach the walls of this reality so flippantly." Beauty remarks, frowning as she "looks" at the place the large and rheumy eldritch eye had been. "To do so threatens a possibility of gaining The Mother's attention. And it is she who we are fighting. Or rather, her cult." At that, she stands and begins sauntering her way to the exit of the room, gesturing for the pair to follow. "You seek proof that what you fight is evil? I cannot provide evil. I can provide proof of a horrific means of control and indoctrination into The Cult of The Mother however. As to their goals, you will simply need to take my word for it. In the end, they seek to repair this shattered realm. Noble, no?" She asks, the wry tone to her words telling them that they had something more behind them.

She leads them out of the chamber, down a windowless stone hallway, and to a stairwell heading down. There doesn't seem to be another soul in the halls and it feels a little colder than the last time Connor visited. A little lifeless perhaps.

"Grab a torch, could you?" She asks of Connor, gesturing towards a glowing green brand hanging on the wall next to the stairway.

"This world is not like others, Ithuriel. It floats between the realms, born upon the broken and busted body an a being so large and horrifying that it can only be considered unfathomable. It gave birth to us and we live a parasitic existence upon its broken carcass. I myself have been born from a fragment of its psyche. An ideal much like my sibling War and the others out there. Call us deities if you wish. The Mother is an ideal of life and birth. This much, Connor already knows. What I tried to shield him from last time however, is just what that would mean."

She stops in front of a door made of deep red muscle and flesh. "Luckily, I have anticipated the desire for proof and have it on hand. What She does is take the souls of the dead, devours them, and takes them into herself in order to give birth to a new world. She'll devour parts of this world, including my siblings and I, to do so. And in doing so, she would doom us all by forcing this world to give birth to another Entity." When she reaches out to the door, it ripples open, revealing a ragged young man hanging from chains. He's been stripped bare, but his muscles bulge as he struggles against the chains and the pair of visitors will find a large yellow eye grown into his chest. It takes up more than a hand's worth of space and stares unblinkingly at Ithuriel and Connor. There seems to be some sort of intelligence behind it as it also focuses on Beauty. When it does so, it lets out a scream rather than the man. It reverberates over minds, betraying the entity's rage and hatred.

"The Mother's Tongue is deep inside of him. It has devoured his soul, mind, and devours his body as we speak." Beauty explains before holding up a knife of bone, pure white. "It is behind the eye, entangled with his spine and brain. It will be a mercy." She says, offering the knife out for Ithuriel. "If you do not, I shall."

Kill Six Billion Gribblies

Connor holds the eerie brand tightly in one hand, his other fishing in the deepened pockets of his coat for something else... and coming out with a symbol. A deeply acute angle with a stylized eye crudely carved inside of it, on a bronze disk. The eye has been slashed through roughly, creating, from the right perspective, the letter A. He does not do anything with the talisman but hold it close to the end of the torch, the green light showing the bright, fresh scratches starkly against the background patina of age and sending flickering reflections against one wall. He grimaces at the pitiable thing that has been so cruelly warped, and at Beauty's request, but does not speak his opinions. He knows he's no great warrior, but to demand something like that of someone who doesn't trust you fully... he'll have to see what will happen.

Spoiler: YLEF

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[YLEF - Out of the frying pain, into the showers]

"Minion M. Control yourself. We have a job to do." Suzie reminds her faithful fishmaid, a single tentacle stroking her back gently, the tip trailing just briefly round her neck. "But if my minion so desires, and behaves herself for the rest of the mission, I'm sure I can arrange for a hot tub for all of us." It's hard for her to remember sometimes, it was never something she concerned herself with, but it is nice to offer minions the occasional reward for good service.

Suzie walks along behind Alex, "I do not like the sound of being sprayed purple. Get your uniform, then we must be on our way."

Controller Latenxy Issues?

Marina grimaces at the thought of latex spray-on clothes. That stuff felt like the absolute worst to wear, thank the gods that Suzie stopped implementing that in her standard uniform rulings. These maid dresses they've shifted to instead are so much more comfier and much less claustrophobic and clingy.

Shivering slightly at her mistress's touch, the fishmaid calms herself a little, her eyes sparkling at the idea proposed. "That would be wonderful, Milady! There's nothing quite like a nice, hot, relaxing bath after a hard day's work... But for now, we've got work to do."

YLEF - Young Lady Elf Frolics

"Of course Mistress." drones Alex dully. Heading for the lockers, he quickly ducks out of sight long enough to change. If either of them are inclined to peak, he can't really stop them from doing so, as the changing area doesn't have a lot of space to hide from prying eyes. But he won't be doing anything other than changing, and once he's finished they're both welcome to laugh at his outrageously purple and yellow spandex minioning outfit. There's a small helmet/facemask that covers his eyes with a tinted visor, and a bodysuit made mostly of purple with slashing yellow stripes as accents and fake muscle definition around the biceps, thighs, and abs. On such a lanky, twiggy man they look especially fake and ridiculous.

"Well, so long as you two wear these guest badges, this will get us through all the public areas." He says, holding up two dangling lanyards, "Once we get to the private areas like the labs and armories, which I assume you'll want to loot, there will be traps even I don't have access to bypass. I bow to your wisdom as to what we target first, and how to get past them with the fewest possible casualties." Since their expeditionary force can be counted on one half-mangled hand, zero casualties would be wonderful.

[Murkus]

[Quiet Grove]

Sarcadian takes a slow, rolling step forward. The mountain of muscle seems to settle, relaxed, or perhaps poised for motion at any moment... He keeps one hand at his waistband and extends the other with a calm motion, palm up.

"I'm good for more than just looking at, I promise," says Sarcie. "How about I cook a little later, and you two come inside so I can prove it?"

Viviana looks extremely pleased. They'll each take one of Lucy's hands, if she so permits, and lead her inside their little home in the flower. And probably directly underneath a curtain.

[Gullara]

An Epic Quest

Willa does not roll her eyes, though she almost wants to. Do they think that if she were a spirit she wouldn’t be able to make some mischief on her own? Oh well, sounds like it’s more a tradition. Willa hands the guard her staff and two pouches. The stone from Message stays in her pocket.
”I do wish we could be a little more presentable.” she mutters, still brushing off dust.

An Epic Quest

Corvus shrugs, but shakes his head when the guards turn to him.

"I've no weapons, nor items of power," he states flatly, but hands over a small pouch, in which the guards will find a small bit of jerky, a few packets of tea, and a small silver flask, which, when opened, they can tell at one point held something alcoholic, but is now empty. Curious that, despite his claim of being there to protect Willa, he's carrying no weapons, but then, a Champion of Luna such as he has little need for them. Truth be told, though, he wasn't expecting to teleport into the wilderness of a strange world when he left with Willa for MERC, and didn't feel the need to bring any of them with him.

[An Epic Quest]

The offered items are taken and the party proceeds towards the central tower. They walk down a packed dirt road past modest stone buildings. For the most part people seem to be going along their way. The place is manned like a military encampment, but it seems like a normal community otherwise. The people they pass give them a large berth, stopping and staring, muttering to each other.

The guards don't plan to slow, however, and soon they'll reach not the central tower itself, but a large building near it. Unlike most of the rest of the town, this structure is grand and rich. Guards outside of the huge double doors push them open without question when the party approaches. In the lofty entrance hall, a man stands. He wears impeccable silken clothing draped loosely over his slender form. He touches his hand to his forehead, just below his small turban, and inclines his head slightly. "Greetings noble spirit. My masters welcome you to their domain. If you would like to wash yourself after your journey, we can accomodate you. Your attendant is free to partake in food and drink while he waits for your business to be done."

[Deathkeeper]

[An Epic Quest]

Willa smiles and nods to the man. She’s being treated as nobility so she is probably expected to act like it. At least acting is something she can do.
”A wash would be greatly appreciated. If it isn’t rude, I would prefer if my companion stayed with me. If not he, well, food is his call.” she says, trying to sound imperious and important.

[Nova_Eclipse]

[An Epic Quest]

Attendant, eh? Corvus shrugs, an amused smile playing on his lips.

"I will do as my lady wishes," he says, with a bow.

[Gullara]

[An Epic Quest]

The man raises his eyebrows. "Very well. I will call for you soon. In the meantime, please make yourself comfortable." And with that, unless they have more to say, two servants will guide them to another room. A water basin and towels have been placed in the room, along with a table bearing fine foods and water. The servants bow their heads and wait outside the room.

[Deathkeeper]

An Epic Quest

Willa nods sagely to the...servant? Greeter? Herald? But the moment he and the servants leave she pulls off her dusty gear with a sigh of relief.
”Thank every god who’ll listen. I’ve never seen dust so stubborn to make you uncomfortable. Would you mind helping?” Willa’s shape makes it far easier to bathe with help than without it. Sometimes she misses that huge shower she and Walter used to have. Well actually she misses it every day.
Hopefully the man doesn’t re-enter while the two guests are busy.

[Gnrlshrimp]

[Quiet Grove]

Whatever they really are, in Lucy's eyes they're both divine. And who in their right mind would say no when two such godly creatures offer their hands?

Lucy wordlessly accepts, taking their hands and letting the two of them pull her away to do as they wish with her, eagerly pulling the curtain behind her as she steps inside their flower-home.

*****

[A Strange World]

Ithuriel can't help but recoil slightly at the sight of the man with that sickly yellow eye buried in him. Such a sight, it's hard to imagine any such thing could be redeemable in any way. Certainly, it provokes an instinctive desire to kill it, to get rid of it, to make that horrible thing stop screaming!

Ithuriel clenches her fist, grits her teeth, and holds back.

"So, you live upon some great, undying entity, and your world actively seeks your death." Ithuriel sighs. It sounds quite unpleasant. Trying to fight what you live on sounds futile. This seems like something of a forgone conclusion. Surely death is inevitable? Ideally she'd try and give them a way out, an opportunity to flee to somewhere safe, but she saw how the portal turned out.

There is nothing wrong with this idea of rebirth, is there? But to take the lives of those living upon it when they're unwilling to go...it's hard to define such a thing as evil, per se. But it feels wrong. And what of this man, a victim of this "Mother" who at this point cannot be saved? It's hard to take at face value. Beauty will surely be able to see the uncertainty, the indecision on Ithuriel's face as she looks for some other solution here.

"Then, what? I am to buy you some more time? Say I do my part and go on my way, would I not just be prolonging your suffering? Help me understand, how do I end this? And how do I know this man can't be spared?"

*****

[YLEF - Cut off the head, and you can claim the loot for free later!]

Suzie's disgust at Alex's garish outfit is obvious to see. A tentacle strays towards the new outfit she has tucked away for him, as if thinking that surely it'd be worth getting him into that thing just to spare him (and her eyes) from this abomination!

She also snatches one of the lanyards with another tentacle, twirling the loop around it and...keeping it there, instead of wearing it around her neck like a sensible person would do.

"Loot? Loot? HAH!" She poses dramatically, pointing a tentacle in roughly the direction she figures Alex's ex-boss is probably in (almost certainly in completely the wrong direction) "No, my minions! We shall not let ourselves be distracted by trinkets and toys! We go straight for our target! We shall be on him before he even knows what's happening! And once he has fallen and his lair is leaderless, then we shall take what we wish with no one there to oppose us! MINION A! LEAD THE WAY!" The krakengirl has spoken. Straight after the boss it is.

[UncleWolf]

A New World

"Biding time is precisely what I want. This world will win out eventually, but unless you have a method to transport a population of tens of thousands away, then trying to stop it is useless. As to how he may or may not be spared, let me show you why." Beauty says, scowling before simply appearing next to her prisoner, knife in hand. She didn't seem to move or use magic to teleport over. Instead it was as if reality itself decided that she should be there instead, and before either of her guests can react she slams the knife into the man's chest, right above the eye, and rips it downward. Instead of the mass of blood and organs that would typically be expected from the screaming man, there is a single writhing mass inside of him. The man's screaming stops as the writhing stops, but a few coils twist inside of him after a moment as the "head" of it leaps towards Beauty. Another flick of the knife and the head is neatly severed before a several meter long fleshy tendril flops to the floor. The head looked like a lamprey's with a longer "V" shaped gash for the mouth that splits wide open to grasp with several dozen stubby fangs.

"Say hello to the Mother's Tongue, the source of thralldom that devours organs, minds, and soul alike. You hesitated one way or the other, so I took it upon myself to end it." Beauty says, disgust evident on her face as she uses the knife to slice through the restraints as well. There's a flash of violet on her for a moment when she does so, and when she shoulders the body to turn to Ithuriel, a single large violet eye has appeared on her face as well, smack dab in the middle of the bony plate on the upper half of her head. "If you want to see just what it can do to a man, then take it." She growls, clearly aggravated as she walks over to Ithuriel and dumps the body onto the ground. "Whatever you decide, decide it here and now. And it is your choice to make. But I would have you make it quickly." She says, all but glaring at Ithuriel for the moment as her eye and the all-too-many shark-like teeth that had appeared in her mouth vanish from reality once more as if Connor and the angel had hallucinated it.

They didn't.

"If this is not to your taste, then you will be given a guest room, servants, plenty of food and entertainment as you wish, and I will send you back as soon as we are able to do so. But I have a war to wage and I do not have the privilege of distaste preventing me from fighting." She crosses her arms then, ignoring the blood on her body and expensive clothing, and waits. She'll move to let them examine the body and "Mother's Tongue" if they wish, but she's drawn a figurative line in the sand.

[Nova_Eclipse]

An Epic Quest

Corvus smiles gently as he moves to help Willa.

"I don't mind in the least." He's gotten used to her unique needs in the time they've been living together, though it's never been odd for him, given what he is. "It will be good for both of us to get cleaned up a bit, I think."

[Gullara]

[An Epic Quest]

After a short while has passed and they've had a moment to refresh themselves, a servant opens the door. "Sheikh Diaw will see you now." He will guide them to the central chamber, a vaulted room where whole crowd could be audience. Today, however, it is all but empty. In the center of the room, a man sits upon a throne. He was clearly once tall and strong, but the years have worn on him. Though his head may have no hair and his dark skin is spotted with age, he has a regal bearing. Around him are his guards and attendants, but they stand aside.

"Speak what you will to the honoured sheikh." The servant says. Sheikh Diaw simply nods his head.

[Deathkeeper]

[An Epic Quest]

Willa bows formally.
”Good day, honored one. My companion and I come to your domain on errantry. We seek something called ‘living wood’ by the elf who called for my aid.” she explains, trying to be as simple and formal as possible. Don’t want to get anyone angry.

[WarKitty]

[Desert Town]

Kray happily takes the recommendation, even though she's never been a wine drinker. She's feeling refined today. But she probably won't actually like it. The food though, is good. And working the fork on the noodles is easier than it used to be with her less bulky fingers.
"Well, thank you, either way. You've given me a lot seemingly on a whim." she tells him, poking at her food.

Latrans smiles A magical evening is always worth some expense. You should eat, it'll keep you going for the evening.

[Deathkeeper]

Desert Town

Kray eats what she can. And she can eat a lot; being slightly smaller than usual doesn't make her not still a nearly seven-foot pile of muscle.
"Oh, evening? Do you have a schedule for the whole night as well?" Not that she minds. It would be a shame to stop here at this rate...

[WarKitty]

Desert Town

Well, for starters, I do believe the evening dance is about to start? He stands up and holds out a hand politely.

[Deathkeeper]

[Desert Town]

Kray looks...less than enthusiastic.
"Oh, I...I can't dance. At all. R-she definitely learned that. I'll only embarrass you."
Though to be fair Rassa got Krayger pretty drunk at that party. He would have been even worse than usual.

[WarKitty]

Desert Town

Oh just give it a try. This one's simple. Let me show you! He keeps his hand out as he says this, and Kray can hear the notes of a waltz starting up in the background.

[Deathkeeper]

Desert Town

Kray nervously stands up and takes the man's hand. "Well, you act like you run the place, so I guess there's no harm in embarrassing you." Maybe he's just a regular. A really rich, magical regular.

[WarKitty]

Desert Town

Latrans leads Kray off to the dance floor, the new jewelry clinking. Surprisingly, once they're on she find she *does* know these steps, although with no memory of where she learned them.

[Deathkeeper]

Desert Town

Kray smiles despite herself, and despite the telltale clack and clop of a hoofed person doing footwork. It's always been one of the small little things that's embarrassed her.
"Well, it seems you're a better lead than I thought." she jokes weakly, though in truth it's a little bit disturbing to have muscle memory come unbidden from sources unknown. At least for now it's doing no harm.

[WarKitty]

Desert Town

Her date(?) smiles and says I think you're better than you thought. I always loved dancing, don't you?

[Deathkeeper]

Desert Town

"Well, I'm having fun now. But I've never really done it before. I mean, I don't think I have. Never well. We're not usually considered built for it." One might think that, seeing Krayger's normal, huge frame. But maybe that's just a stereotype.

[WarKitty]

Desert Town

The man smiles once more. It sounds like you haven't had nearly enough people appreciate your charm. Can I interest you in the outdoor jacuzzi after this? I'm sure there's something suitable to wear in the bags.

[Deathkeeper]

Desert

”Well, that sounds lovely. But I hope it has a good dryer. Or you have a spell for that, Magic Man.” Krayger bathes very regularly and is well familiar with how long it takes to dry a full body coat. He’s always been overly worried about his presentation in the office.

[WarKitty]

Desert Jacuzzi

After the dance is finished, Latrans directs Kray out to a hill a short ways away, chattering away. There are a couple of individual changing rooms with showers, and he directs her to one. Your stuff should be in there already, miss.

Inside sitting on the shelf is a black tankini with gold swirl embroidery. It's big enough to cover Kray without leaving her feeling too exposed.

[Deathkeeper]

Desert Jacuzzi

Kray changes into the new suit. It certainly seems fine enough.
”You know we can probably use names if you’d like, Latrans. I’d say you’ve been good enough to me for me to forgive your earlier impression.” she tells him slyly.