Anonymouswizard's Astoundingly Assonant Random Banter #240

[Jasdoif]

So Heinz is advertizing their no-sugar-added ketchup with a just slightly too-long commercial about a woman drawn to look like a Disney princess singing a song about how much "adulting sucks."

It's a very weird call, but god damn if it isn't a mood.

Heinz' no-sugar-added ketchup isn't bad flavorwise, but it has a much runnier texture; presumably from the lack of sugar thickening it. You'll find this to some degree with nearly all no-sugar-added variants of sugar-based condiments, but regardless there are better options than Heinz.

[Rater202]

Heinz' no-sugar-added ketchup isn't bad flavorwise, but it has a much runnier texture; presumably from the lack of sugar thickening it. You'll find this to some degree with nearly all no-sugar-added variants of sugar-based condiments, but regardless there are better options than Heinz.

So I wasn't talking about the ketchup itself, but personally I don't notice a difference in either flavor or texture with NSA Heinz compared to the original, so...

[Peelee]

Heinz' no-sugar-added ketchup isn't bad flavorwise, but it has a much runnier texture; presumably from the lack of sugar thickening it. You'll find this to some degree with nearly all no-sugar-added variants of sugar-based condiments, but regardless there are better options than Heinz.

The clear solution to this is to add flour.

[Anonymouswizard]

So I wasn't talking about the ketchup itself, but personally I don't notice a difference in either flavor or texture with NSA Heinz compared to the original, so...

Has Peelee been smuggling government condiments to you or something?

[DavidSh]

Re: NSA Heinz

Has Peelee been smuggling government condiments to you or something?

Wait until the Culinary Institute of America gets involved in this.

[Peelee]

Has Peelee been smuggling government condiments to you or something?

I can neither confirm nor deny its the NSA.

[Rater202]

Has Peelee been smuggling government condiments to you or something?

Please, like I need Peelee to smuggle stuff for me.

[Keltest]

I can neither confirm nor deny its the NSA.

The fact that you are using that phrase tells me that it is not.

Source: I know a guy in the NSA and they are actually forbidden from using that specific phrasing because of how commonly it is interpreted as "yes, but with more steps."

[Peelee]

The fact that you are using that phrase tells me that it is not.

Source: I know a guy in the NSA and they are actually forbidden from using that specific phrasing because of how commonly it is interpreted as "yes, but with more steps."

To be fair, that may or may not be the case with whatever agency I'm joining, and I just don't know yet.

[Jasdoif]

The clear solution to this is to add flour.

Nonsense; if I want carbohydrates in ketchup I'm better off starting with traditional sugar-based ketchup.

[Peelee]

Nonsense; if I want carbohydrates in ketchup I'm better off starting with traditional sugar-based ketchup.

Well, yeah, you start with that and you end with adding flour.

[Keltest]

To be fair, that may or may not be the case with whatever agency I'm joining, and I just don't know yet.

Indeed. Its probably safe to assume its the case government-wide.


On a related note, he also isnt allowed to say "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" even if its obviously a joke.

[Anonymouswizard]

Indeed. Its probably safe to assume its the case government-wide.


On a related note, he also isnt allowed to say "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" even if its obviously a joke.

Of course he's not. If you told you they'd have to send you a strongly worded letter.

More seriously I'm just assuming it's one of those smaller agencies that I wouldn't hear about as I'm not American.

[Peelee]

Indeed. Its probably safe to assume its the case government-wide.


On a related note, he also isnt allowed to say "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" even if its obviously a joke.

I do know that they give us a ton of clothes and swag with the agency letters on it, but directly warn against wearing or displaying any of it before training is over becuase they haven't given us badges and guns yet and they don't want us to be potential targets.

Please, like I need Peelee to smuggle stuff for me.

Yeah, and I don't need a 1978 25th anniversary black and silver Corvette Stingray pace car, but hey, we're talking about adding style here.

[Keltest]

I do know that they give us a ton of clothes and swag with the agency letters on it, but directly warn against wearing or displaying any of it before training is over becuase they haven't given us badges and guns yet and they don't want us to be potential targets.

Now that just seems rude of them. Why give you the stuff before its OK to wear it?

[Rater202]

Tried to make a patty melt using some low-carb whole wheat, dijon mustard, "double-cheddar" and a regular (cooked) beef patty left over from the other day.

It's good, but I probably should have reheated the patty first.

[Peelee]

Now that just seems rude of them. Why give you the stuff before its OK to wear it?

The swag is to have or share with friends/family. The clothes are to wear during training.

[Amidus Drexel]

On a related note, he also isnt allowed to say "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" even if its obviously a joke.

The follow-on "joke" I've heard from all of my government-employee acquaintances is "I'd tell you, but then I'd go to jail".

I do know that they give us a ton of clothes and swag with the agency letters on it, but directly warn against wearing or displaying any of it before training is over becuase they haven't given us badges and guns yet and they don't want us to be potential targets.

Assuming you're telling the truth (ever the tricky one online), "guns" actually narrows it down quite a bit for a civilian job. (I don't intend to pry any further, but you are doing the online equivalent of walking around in public with your badge lanyard around your neck ).

The intelligence agency swag is pretty sweet. I've got a small collection of shot glasses from gift shops here in DC. Still need to find one for the NRO - they're by far the coolest one nobody's heard of.

[2D8HP]

Oh please, given @Peelee’s knowledge of Jerry Reed songs it’s obvious what the agency is: the soon to be combined Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Fish, Game, and Truckin’

[Peelee]

Assuming you're telling the truth (ever the tricky one online), "guns" actually narrows it down quite a bit for a civilian job. (I don't intend to pry any further, but you are doing the online equivalent of walking around in public with your badge lanyard around your neck ).

No lies, just no specifics. And I honestly doubt that narrows anything down when I've already said "oh, trust me, you have absolutely heard of/seen my agency" and that I'd have the coolest office in all the land. Though what your opinion on what exactly the coolest office in all the land is may vary.

Also, if you're ever actually interested in finding out there's one surefire way to be in the know: just become a moderator. The Forum staff all know exactly what I'm going for (and won't tell you).

Oh please, given @Peelee’s knowledge of Jerry Reed songs it’s obvious what the agency is: the soon to be combined Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Fish, Game, and Truckin’

[googles]
..... Oh the Snowman! Eeeeeeaaaaaastbound and dooooooowwwwwwn.....

[Amidus Drexel]

At my D&D group's request, I've now completed not one, but two interlocking calendars for the two largest religions in the campaign setting. I'm almost done hammering out my thoughts on their home country's system of reckoning dates, and then I'll be able to start crafting a proper history for their peoples.

I set the campaign in a foreign land where nobody really knew anything about the locals for a reason, dammit! This was supposed to be less work! So many questions about the motherland that they will almost certainly never visit.

It's a shame that I love coming up with new campaign settings for each campaign I run, because it means I have a hard time re-using all of the macro-level work I've done. I might have to run my next game in this setting. (Of course, I said that about the last setting I made too, so we'll see.)

No lies, just no specifics. And I honestly doubt that narrows anything down when I've already said "oh, trust me, you have absolutely heard of/seen my agency" and that I'd have the coolest office in all the land. Though what your opinion on what exactly the coolest office in all the land is may vary.

Also, if you're ever actually interested in finding out there's one surefire way to be in the know: just become a moderator. The Forum staff all know exactly what I'm going for (and won't tell you ).

Space station would take the cake for "coolest office" in my opinion, though it may be disqualified by the "all the land" clause.

If I really wanted to do that much work for no additional money, I'd go back to my old job and be a sysadmin again.
(You moderators are saints - I am a much lesser man. Fortunately, I'm okay with not knowing.)

[Peelee]

Space station would take the cake for "coolest office" in my opinion, though it may be disqualified by the "all the land" clause.

Fair cop. I still think I could make a case for my future office, but yeah, if that counted as "in all the land" it'd have a good backing behind it.

If I really wanted to do that much work for no additional money, I'd go back to my old job and be a sysadmin again.

You came in that thing were a sysadmin? You're braver than I thought.

(You moderators are saints)

Fun fact! Every time someone praises the moderators on here, Roland St. Jude doubles our pay.

[Amidus Drexel]

You came in that thing were a sysadmin? You're braver than I thought.

s/brave/inexperienced/, or at least I was several years ago. When that contract ended I had the wisdom to ask the new company for enough money that they hired someone else to do it instead, so now I'm a developer and am having generally a much better time.

I did end up effectively training their new guy (and even a year later my old knowledge of how stuff worked back then is useful to him), but at least the long-term maintenance and short-term garbage fires are no longer my problem. I keep telling him to ask for more money; he deserves it.

Fun fact! Every time someone praises the moderators on here, Roland St. Jude doubles our pay.

Oh, that's generous. I only ever got cruddy small-% raises. Of course, 2x0 is still zero. :P

[Rater202]

The coolest office in all the land is obviously the big fancy one at the top of the highest tower in the magic castle.

Unrelated, I think Cyclops of the X-Men has officially surpassed Batman as the most paranoid bastard in Western Comic Books.

Scott, on the fact that Krakoa doesn't have a plan to deal with being attacked by a giant centaur that can generate its own attack fauna. "Why do I always overlook the obvious!"

For context, there's an entire subsection in the kaiju chapter of the "Summers protocols" specifically for fighting Godzilla.

[Lord Raziere]

For context, there's an entire subsection in the kaiju chapter of the "Summers protocols" specifically for fighting Godzilla.

Mm.

No thats seems pretty reasonable for a superhero universe. giant monsters causing a lot of destruction is a stock superhero problem. practically expected.

the real paranoia is when you start planning for when a mad scientist/corporation starts selling evil shampoo bottles or something whose effects only show up like seven days after application or something, because mad scientists being declared mad and people rejecting their ideas is actually a good thing; it keeps the mad scientists from selling some dangerous product as a legitimate thing that a superhero can't stop without looking like a jerk. its why Lex Luthor is so dangerous because if he wanted to sell a product like mind control shampoo whose effects work on a delay so that if Superman does something immediately about it he looks bad, he could do it and people would buy it, and then you have a bunch of people under Lex Luthor's control from the shadows.

[Rater202]

Mm.

No thats seems pretty reasonable for a superhero universe. giant monsters causing a lot of destruction is a stock superhero problem. practically expected.

the real paranoia is when you start planning for when a mad scientist/corporation starts selling evil shampoo bottles or something whose effects only show up like seven days after application or something, because mad scientists being declared mad and people rejecting their ideas is actually a good thing; it keeps the mad scientists from selling some dangerous product as a legitimate thing that a superhero can't stop without looking like a jerk. its why Lex Luthor is so dangerous because if he wanted to sell a product like mind control shampoo whose effects work on a delay so that if Superman does something immediately about it he looks bad, he could do it and people would buy it, and then you have a bunch of people under Lex Luthor's control from the shadows.

So I was gonna say that I forget to point out that the Marvel version of Godzilla has been dead for nearly 20 years, but double checking apparently "Leviathan" has been retconned to not be Marvel! Godzilla with a name change and retconned backstory(becuase Marvel no longer has the liscence) but a completly separate entity.

[Lord Raziere]

So I was gonna say that I forget to point out that the Marvel version of Godzilla has been dead for nearly 20 years, but double checking apparently "Leviathan" has been retconned to not be Marvel! Godzilla with a name change and retconned backstory(becuase Marvel no longer has the liscence) but a completly separate entity.

So?

Cyclops in an experienced hero, he knows a new crossover could happen at any time. He lives in a reality where one of the parallel universes is nothing but cartoon animal versions of everyone, nothing is off limits.

[Peelee]

The coolest office in all the land is obviously the big fancy one at the top of the highest tower in the magic castle.

So I was gonna say that I forget to point out that the Marvel version of Godzilla has been dead for nearly 20 years

So he's due to come back any day now?

So?

Cyclops in an experienced hero, he knows a new crossover could happen at any time. He lives in a reality where one of the parallel universes is nothing but cartoon animal versions of everyone, nothing is off limits.

Archie and friends exist in the Marvel universe, IIRC, so this holds pretty true.

[Rater202]

So?

Cyclops in an experienced hero, he knows a new crossover could happen at any time. He lives in a reality where one of the parallel universes is nothing but cartoon animal versions of everyone, nothing is off limits.

The X-Men don't really have contact with that reality. It's more of a Spider-Man thing, and even then only via The Spider-Verse stuff.

Granted, apparently, some upcoming storylines involve Peter Parker's "destiny" being tied to Krakoa due to "changes in their ressurection protocol" so that could change.

...I'm gonna be very disappointed if AXE doesn't result in a new Uncanny Avengers book. It's the perfect set up for it.

So he's due to come back any day now?

They don't have the license anymore so he can only make unnamed cameos. He was last seen in 2007.

Archie and friends exist in the Marvel universe, IIRC, so this holds pretty true.

No, actually. The "Archie meets the Punisher" story was an AU and it was published by Archie Comics so it's more that a couple of Marvel characters exist in the Archie universe, assuming that that story is considered "canon" for Archie.

You can tell becuase Frank acts really out of character. He's less violent, unwilling to engage in collateral damage or "ruin the innocence" or the locals in Riverdale, and double-checks that he has the right target before putting a bullet in the guy's head.

Compared to the canon Frank, who has mistakenly murdered enough cosplayers that he just takes it on faith when someone claims to be a cosplayer in a villain costume.

[Lord Raziere]

The X-Men don't really have contact with that reality. It's more of a Spider-Man thing, and even then only via The Spider-Verse stuff.

Granted, apparently, some upcoming storylines involve Peter Parker's "destiny" being tied to Krakoa due to "changes in their ressurection protocol" so that could change.

...I'm gonna be very disappointed if AXE doesn't result in a new Uncanny Avengers book. It's the perfect set up for it.

Its Superheroes, Rater. doesn't matter if he doesn't have contact.

He's seen enough weird stuff.

He has what, 60 years of history? he's done and seen it all in some form or manner.

he would encounter enough weirdness just by sheer inevitability.