Hey, everybody else has started a let's play and abandoned it. Lets Play X-Com!

[Alex Knight]

You're a solid shot, reasonably quick, and insanely brave.

Foolhardy, even.

I see my continued beatings to ensure good morale have had an effect.

[Cubey]

Alex Knight, you sound like the Drengin from Galactic Civilizations:

Beatings will continue until morale improves.

This may not necessarily be a bad thing.

[Lord of Rapture]

Can we replace "beatings" with "summary executions"? Please? I really want the guns at Fort Fri to do something other than rust.

[Cubey]

They don't just rust, we sell 'em!

X-Com is a nonprofit organisation.

[Neo]

Why not organise games of laser tag, with the emphasis on Laser

[EleventhHour]

Why not organise games of laser tag, with the emphasis on Laser

*Voluenteer's to be the customary 'Griff' that stars in things such as ; 'Throw Heavy Objects at Griff', 'Griffball the Unreal Tournament', 'How not to get killed by Blue for Dummies', 'Sarge's 50 Goodnight Tales', 'Red Versus Blue', and 'Whatever happened to those other Spartans, edition 2'*

(I'd like to be a soldier. Named Griff. In case you hadn't already caught onto that. )

[Neo]

lol, i'd be Simmons or Donut

[pendell]

Bored, bored bored bored bored.

*Steps up from the firing range for the tenth time*.

While I have no interest in not being a soldier -- maybe I could take on auxiliary duties while we're waiting for Team Fort Fri to swing into action? Does the Skyranger need a pilot? It'd at least give me a chance to *see* some action, even if I can't participate in it. Yeah, I know it's one step up from school bus driver, but it's better than nothing.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Lord of Rapture]

F*** the God-Emperor. I offered to murder thousands of filthy xenos in his name, and he gave nothing but his damning silence. It's time to embrace a new deity...

Yes, yes... give in to your desires. Enjoy all that the world has to offer you! Embrace every sensation! Take anything you can!

Yes! YES! All bow before the Dark Prince of Excess, Slaanesh! Life is my kingdom, my sandbox, and all that are weaker than me are my playthings!

YES! GIVE IN TO YOUR DESIRES! CRUSH ALL THAT STAND BEFORE YOU BENEATH YOUR BOOTS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!

Um, someone's coming, you hear that?

Uhhh... nothing to see here, folks. Nothi-BWAHAHAHAHA- uh, excuse me.

[Cristo Meyers]

F*** the God-Emperor. I offered to murder thousands of filthy xenos in his name, and he gave nothing but his damning silence. It's time to embrace a new deity...

Yes, yes... give in to your desires. Enjoy all that the world has to offer you! Embrace every sensation! Take anything you can!

Yes! YES! All bow before the Dark Prince of Excess, Slaanesh! Life is my kingdom, my sandbox, and all that are weaker than me are my playthings!

YES! GIVE IN TO YOUR DESIRES! CRUSH ALL THAT STAND BEFORE YOU BENEATH YOUR BOOTS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!

Um, someone's coming, you hear that?

Uhhh... nothing to see here, folks. Nothi-BWAHAHAHAHA- uh, excuse me.

I have to wonder how many devotees of Slaanesh would've been preemptively stopped if their mother had just walked in on them while they were converting...

[Thanatos 51-50]

I have to wonder how many devotees of Slaanesh would've been preemptively stopped if their mother had just walked in on them while they were converting...

So that's what people are calling it now.

[Kane]

Post # 639, 640, 641

I found this way funnier that it should have been.

Incidentally, I suppose I must concede, Chiasaur, if only because Patrick Stewart seems to still be alive, and Marc bit it.

But Marc is still responsible for the only successful terror mission on Cydonia.


Oh, right, also my Imperial X-Comm Infantryman's Uplifting Primer says that I should not argue with superior officers.

[Swot]

Fine. Could use more guys in engineering.

You'll be at fort Fri. Get used to building laser cannons.

*Starts humming*
You fill the diode into the... main barrel
You install the flash lamps... on the sides
You put the silver-lined mirrors... on both ends

Ok, test fire.
...
You run to the infirmary... very quickly

Note: The mirror with a little hole in the center, goes on the other side.

Note: Also the infirmary consists primarily of running hot water and gauze. Very glad I only used half power.

[Rockphed]

*Starts humming*
You fill the diode into the... main barrel
You install the flash lamps... on the sides
You put the silver-lined mirrors... on both ends

Ok, test fire.
...
You run to the infirmary... very quickly

Note: The mirror with a little hole in the center, goes on the other side.

Note: Also the infirmary consists primarily of running hot water and gauze. Very glad I only used half power.

Real men don't need more than running water and gauze. Real real men don't even need the water. I once reattached 3 fingers on one hand just using gauze.

[Johnny Blade]

That's nothing. I once operated a shot in the stomach with nothing but plastic cutlery and my own spit to clean his wounds.
And I'm sure the man could have survived if only there had been something to actually stitch him up afterwards.

[Swot]

Well of course, that's just expected.
My only worry was that with full power I would have lost my arm and cauterized the wound before it could heal.
...
You did want to kill these alien things right?
I mean, what unearthly monstrosity would die by the loss of a few fingers?

[Johnny Blade]

I mean, what unearthly monstrosity would die by the loss of a few fingers?

Judging by her yelling when she once broke her fingernail, I say my girlfriend's mother would.

[Eldan]

That's nothing. I once operated a shot in the stomach with nothing but plastic cutlery and my own spit to clean his wounds.
And I'm sure the man could have survived if only there had been something to actually stitch him up afterwards.

For stitching up, you break the cutlery into little shards and use them to stick one end of the wound to the other. That's how I got this scar here with the little plastic pieces in it.

[Fri]

*sigh* Last time you said that you got them from that wicked foodfight at woodstock. Which one is it, Eldan?

[chiasaur11]

Penguinizer's journal, continued:

The X-COM laser burns weren't just a cheap Saturday night special. They packed all the kick of a regulation blaster. Somebody I knew, or maybe one of the jokers at Fort Fri, was a killer. I ran down the suspects.

Knight was out. He'd do it with some form of blunt instrument.
The commander? No dice. He'd announce it to the world. And as the corpse had no "X-COM. You pay up or it happens to you!" on it, he was out.
Copper, Lopez, and Chumbley were all confirmed on base at the time of the shooting.

I decided to tell the chief what I knew.

"Commander, I found something."

"Dirtbag, If that statement isn't 'Sir, I can kill Cyberdisks with my mind now' I'm a bit to busy to here it. In case you didn't notice, we have three Disks at the LZ. THREE."
"A murder's been committed, chief, and I think one of the X-COM grunts is behind it."
"Does this murder take place before or after I kill the current Skyranger pilot?"
"Before. Someone might be on the take."
"Then check it out, shut up, and let those of us who don't go into the fetal position at the sight of a body do our jobs."

The Commander was as courteous and cooperative as ever. Still, I had a lead.

I spotted something odd. It was half totaled, but the ever reliable Crazy Jonlan's gorilla was there. Thing is, we don't have a shop in LA. Somebody'd faked up an X-COM base where one isn't. Someone who knows what makes the Sectoids attack. This whole invasion was to cover up one murder. (Well, not the whole invasion, just the attack on LA. Obviously. What kind of stupid mug would engineer a whole different species just for an alibi?)

I started heading back. The whole thing was coming together now.

Unfortunately, I came on the scene at a bad time.
"Nice timing, dirtbag. A grenadier came over just when you left. Trazoi iced him, but not before he threw the thing. We lost Lokxey, and if you'd been covering their hindquarters as ordered, none of this would have happened."
"Chief, I hit paydirt. I know the how of the murder, and the why of the attack on LA. Give me five minutes..."
"I'll have your badge for this if you don't pull through. Go north and try and kill somebody."
"Gee, and they say that good policework is dead."
"Like a certain wannabe private eye if he doesn't get back to his job?"

I headed north.
And right into a shot to the gut. They say your life flashes before your eyes as you die. Funny, all I got was a three second loop and one item of commentary. That wasn't a plasma bolt.

"That's the end of the log, Commander."

"Huh. I'll look into it sometime. Maybe in September."

Anyway, Lopez and I decided to clear up the last part of the area. Dropped a couple of Cyberdisks, Lopez sucked up a ton of stun rounds, I shrugged off a plasma round...


And the engineer dumb enough to mess with Lopez sucked up a cyberdisk explosion. Sucker.



Trazoi went south and took the last target, and that was the ballgame.

Two of our men dead. 100 million in property damage at minimum from all the exploding Cyberdisks. Still, we'd gotten a couple of mostly intact Disk bodies. Chumbley said he and Cubey had some ideas for those. And we saved LA, at least. Sort of. Only three civilians dead was a new record! Odd about the laser wounds on Penguinizer, though...

[Alex Knight]

Can we replace "beatings" with "summary executions"? Please? I really want the guns at Fort Fri to do something other than rust.

*Beats Lord of Rapture*

X-Com troops do not summarily execute X-Com personnel. That's why Copper is still alive.

[Rockphed]

*Beats Lord of Rapture*

X-Com troops do not summarily execute X-Com personnel. That's why Copper is still alive.

I thought it was because he controls access to all the weapons and ammo. Fortunately in lovely Fort Fri, we have other task-masters.

[Fri]

Ah, there goes our hardboiled detective.... May you get your fedora in the afterlife, Penguinizer.

Or, hey! We could totally make an afterlife based private eye agency! I can totally imagine our series.

"He's a recently-dead hardboiled detective with a quest for justice.

He's a posessed medi-kit with nothing to lose.

Together, They Fight Crime!"

[Johnny Blade]

Getting shot in a dark alleyway in downtown LA is a fitting death for a private eye, though.

Lokxy on the other hand...well, shrapnel in the face probably has its merits as well. At least you look pretty hardcore this way.

[Alex Knight]

I thought it was because he controls access to all the weapons and ammo. Fortunately in lovely Fort Fri, we have other task-masters.

A lack of weapons or ammo doesn't stop a truly determined X-Com operative.

I could beat you to death with my thumbs, for instance.....

[Copper8642]

I don't think he was concerned with your lack of weapons as much as my abundance of them.

[chiasaur11]

Getting shot in a dark alleyway in downtown LA is a fitting death for a private eye, though.

Lokxy on the other hand...well, shrapnel in the face probably has its merits as well. At least you look pretty hardcore this way.

Hey, thanks to Lokxey jumping on the thing, Trazoi and BRC got no fatal wounds.

Of course, they'll still need some medical care.

[BRC]

Hey, thanks to Lokxey jumping on the thing, Trazoi and BRC got no fatal wounds.

Of course, they'll still need some medical care.

I for one, appreicate the brave sacrifice of Locky. I will remember him forever. If "Ever" means "The next five minutes".

[Johnny Blade]

I for one, appreicate the brave sacrifice of Locky. I will remember him forever. If "Ever" means "The next five minutes".

Exactly.

Anyway, now that their deaths have been sufficiently mourned, may I ask who's going to be the next to get a shot at having their faces grilled?

[chiasaur11]

Exactly.

Anyway, now that their deaths have been sufficiently mourned, may I ask who's going to be the next to get a shot at having their faces grilled?

Recruits Ferrus and Numerous show the most promise, accuracywise, so they get the seats on the bus.

Everyone else?

Continue benchwarming.