Hey, everybody else has started a let's play and abandoned it. Lets Play X-Com!

[Archonic Energy]

You know, that might actually explain why the damn bastards demand $40,000 every month in pay...

i always found that to be rather...excessive!

to be fair i did burn through redshirts like... well something you burn through quickly!

when you have adequate production facilities and are making more money from your sales than your governments are giving you then i generaly hire redshirts in batches of 20 & ditch the ones with low Psi scores...

[Trazoi]

You know, that might actually explain why the damn bastards demand $40,000 every month in pay...

X-COM health insurance doesn't come cheap.

[Ashtar]

In fact you'll find that 25k$ per month is spent on training costs (and that's minimal skill maintenance only), 5k$ on administrative overhead, 2k$ on food and other essentials, with only 8k$ per month going into the soldiers' pocket at most. And that includes Hazard pay for extremely hazardous duty!

Yeah, being a grunt sucks, but it does mean you get to exercise humanity's oldest instinct: "Kill what isn't like you".

On that bombshell, sign me up!

[Oslecamo]

X-COM death insurance doesn't come cheap.

There, fixed it for you. Gotta think on the families of the deceased. Yes, they won't know their beloved ones are dead, but will receive a fat check for exceptional services that will pay their kids university, so they can also eventually apply to X-COM!

Feel free to put me as another grunt. I'll be the distracted guy who gets lured into the obvious alien trap and dies horribly.

[Smight]

Shamles flaunting of my new avater by me

[Cubey]

Soldiers cost 20 000 $/month, half of their recruitment cost. Same for engineers and scientists. I guess they're getting a bonus when hired.

Funny thing, if you have 100 scientists and the same number of engies (a fair estimate for mid- to endgame), then you could have as many as 50 soldiers and it's still only 20% of your staff. I guess X-Com really fights with brains and not brawn.

[Johnny Blade]

Yeah, being a grunt sucks, but it does mean you get to exercise humanity's oldest instinct: "Kill what isn't like you".

And it would be an honor to defend humanity's noble ways with my life. And perhaps something remotely resembling a weapon.


So, where do I sign up as one of the few, the proud, the disposable?

[chiasaur11]

Nd once again, I see this place decays into paranoid madness without me, with any action even slightly out of the ordinary (which is most actions, considering we're dealing with people crazy enough to join X-COM) is grounds to murder even your best friend on suspicions of treachery.

I'm...
I'm so proud.

Also, I'd like to mention I've noticed all of you recommend torturing our captives, but none recommend putting them out of their misery. I once again approve.


As we had a new captive, I figured the leader of the enemy forces might be better... persuaded if he could see what happened to others who cross me. And as Copper was unavailable, a spare Sectoid would be excellent.

Sadly, the science staff grew fond of the subject after his (even I admit, rather pathetic) explanation of his lot in life and pleas for mercy. I began making plans for if the staff failed to accomplish their goals. Meanwhile, I contented myself with scrambling the interceptors against a small craft.



With that done, and the cleanup operation planned, I checked on Fort Fri. It finally was beginning to look like a base, even if it wouldn't be ready for anything but dumping spare ammo for a couple weeks.


As I walked back into the labs, I found a sight that was as disgusting as any I'd seen in this job. (Except Copper). The lab techs were letting the alien sit in the computer chair! I readied my trusty X-COM standard issue laser pistol. It looked like I would need a new science team pretty soon. They even gave it a name! If X-Com's trusted laser building engineers all draw salary under the name of "Other Brother Daryl", why should the Xeno get the honor of a name, even one as silly as "Chumbley"?

I grabbed the big eyed scumbag. "Allright. Anybody move, and yer new Xeno buddy bites it. You, Sectoid. Spill. What were you doing with the computer?"
The little bugger had some nerve. Opened its yap as soon as I was done talking.
"Captain! Thank you for coming in. I was hoping I would get a chance to thank you and Lopez for sparing me, and being good enough to give me a room of my own. I owe you more than I can say. Nothing I can do will ever repay you, but I wanted to do what I could. I started by filing the papers for the general plans of my species. They're on the desk there, along with all of our biological data. I was just scrambling an interceptor at the last raid planned before I left. May I get you some coffee?"




I didn't trust the Xeno. Foulblooded scumbag had obviously just faked up some evidence to put me off my guard.

"Also, if I could be trusted with a weapon (which obviously I cannot) I would ask if I could be given the honor of shooting Copper."

As I was saying, kid was alright.

[Eldan]

We should shoot Chumbley. Never trust an alien, especially not one pretending to betray his own species.

Scumbag. I always knew he couldn't be trusted.

*makes throat-cutting gestures behind the captains back at Chumbley*

[Alex Knight]

<Stuns Eldan>

Lopez still hasn't given you a clean bill of health.

Hmm...does he give one to Chumbley? Only one way to find out.

<readies stun stick>

[Colmarr]

"Also, if I could be trusted with a weapon (which obviously I cannot) I would ask if I could be given the honor of shooting Copper."

As I was saying, kid was alright.

I know NOTHING about X-com, but I have to say that this thread is made of win. The humour is spot on, Chia.

[chiasaur11]

<Stuns Eldan>

Lopez still hasn't given you a clean bill of health.

Hmm...does he give one to Chumbley? Only one way to find out.

<readies stun stick>

Well, Lopez was the guy to shoot our new lab tech to stun rather than to kill. He knew what he was doing, as always.


Anyway, we scrambled to hit the site we'd shot down before Chumbley spilled all. The other UFO had crashed in southern Africa, and X-COM's relations with Africa are somewhat... complicated. Also, we lost salvage rights to any UFOs crashed there in a card game.

Lopez scouted out the landing.

As always, he made the most of it.

He spotted another one by the alien ship, but I outdrew him. Odd, really. We'd been running into Floaters more recently. Not that I minded. Civilian killing monsters would learn a lesson the hard way. Namely that a protection racket should be checked for lasers before muscling in on their turf.

With the external guard cleared up, I poked my head into the crashed scout.

The guy in front was packing Heavy plasma, but... something wasn't right. I aimed a round over his shoulder.

Bingo. A fully armed floater dropped like a rock, a round with my name on it going through the gaping hole in the ceiling of what used to be the engine room. Lopez took out his stunned buddy.

Meanwhile, I sent Copper out to get killed by a scout I noticed in the cornfield. Sadly, that plan too failed. With a sigh, I shot the final target of the mission. It seemed fate itself planned to save Copper. Killing fate was moved to the top of X-Com's post alien killing plans.

Another week, another ho-hum mission. No dead, no wounded, no prisoners, no Elerium...

Still, Trazoi proved useful enough to promote. He managed to drop a floater that Lopez and I passed up in a farmhouse, and probably saved us some hiring bills. With that, our command roster was right back to where it was last mission. X-Com recovers quickly from minor setbacks. Heck, we even did well despite Copper.


As we came back, Chumbley handed me a large file. "All I have available on the general layout of the war effort, Commander. Got it from general base records, what my briefings were before I had the luck to be captured, and pattern studies. Sorry for the somewhat pessimistic overview at some points. I have a feeling you'll pull off a spectacular success, no matter the odds, and if I die before we see victory, I'll be no less sure I made the right choice."

"Also, I got doughnuts. Chocolate bars, right?"

And with that, Chumbley shot up the table of priorities, the way I determine, if worse comes to worst, who to save in an emergency, and who to kill.

Me
Lopez
X-Com engineers.
Chumbley
X-Com scientists
X-Com equipment


trained X-Com field operatives


Funding




Rookies





Civilians





The invaders, the foul filth, the scum who threaten the world and X-Com. They who threaten our world. The aliens X-COM was formed to fight!















Copper.

[Copper8642]

*Receives the copy of emergency priorities*

"Hey... heeyyyyyy... they included me! YES!"

*Kicks the catatonic alien leader lying on the ground.*

"Ya hear that? They actually remember we're in here! And there's not even a mission going on to remind them of that! I'm moving up in the world!"

[Alex Knight]

Well, Lopez was the guy to shoot our new lab tech to stun rather than to kill. He knew what he was doing, as always.

See that Eldan? Always trust Lopez.

Oh. Well....you'll see that when you wake up then.

[Trazoi]

Hah! My staying alive talents have been recognised! Plus I should get better weaponry and, when the time comes, sweet, sweet armour.

...We are going to get armour, right?

[chiasaur11]

Hah! My staying alive talents have been recognised! Plus I should get better weaponry and, when the time comes, sweet, sweet armour.

...We are going to get armour, right?

Well, I am.

You guys, I dunno.

And you already have a laser. You know how many other guys have lasers?

19. No-one else.

[Copper8642]

Don't forget anyone with enough money to buy our lasers!

Yay, free trade!

[Alex Knight]

...We are going to get armour, right?

Not if it interferes with my thwackin' arm!

[Narazil]

Following this closely! Interesting stuff.



Also, if you need a redshirt, I've plenty of experience as a Conscript for the Imperial Guard. >_>

[Rockphed]

Sir, I'm a little ambiguous on this new priority chart. When does it switch from "sacrifice life and limb to protect" to "Kill Indiscriminately?"

[Alex Knight]

Sir, I'm a little ambiguous on this new priority chart. When does it switch from "sacrifice life and limb to protect" to "Kill Indiscriminately?"

It's simple. When Lopez is angry, shoot what makes him angry.

[Neo]

yeah, the line is pretty much after Lopez. The great leader's mechanised sex toy.

[Cubey]

Sir, I'm a little ambiguous on this new priority chart. When does it switch from "sacrifice life and limb to protect" to "Kill Indiscriminately?"

Why, on the funding/rookie line of course!

We're so materialistic.

[pendell]

Hmm...

First, what's with all these people wanting to kill our prisoners once we've interrogated them? Hasn't anyone here ever heard of slave labor? I've a mind to open a brothel using the prisoners, do you have any idea how much some people will pay for ...? And once you've got a psi-amp, you can make a sectoid do ANYTHING you want. ANYTHING.

Second, why haven't we researched mind probes yet? With mind probes, we can just yank the knowledge straight out of their brains, no need to induce their co-operation or get friendly with them or give them names or what not. Though I suppose Chumbley'll be all right, do we really want the science staff getting friendly with a Chrysalid? *Shudder*.

Third ... from a more tactical perspective, we need more Elerium. In my games, Elerium is the greatest resource, being necessary for most alien technology as well as providing fuel for ships. Would it be possible to wait for the saucers to land, then catch them on the ground with their Elerium supplies intact?

And you already have a laser. You know how many other guys have lasers?

19. No-one else.

I thought we were selling them out the back as quickly as we could run them off the assembly line? Why else do we have that big sign over our base in lights?

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Artanis]

Not if it interferes with my thwackin' arm!

The next level of armor is powered armor, meaning it'll help your thwackin' arm!

[chiasaur11]

The next level of armor is powered armor, meaning it'll help your thwackin' arm!

And X-Com scientists are working on turning anything into a thwacking implement. Soon, your gun will be able to be used to beat people upside the head.

Onto today's missions, research, and suchlike.


Chumbley was a great help in interrogations, presenting us the novel concept of "Bad cop, worse cop." Chumbley was bad cop. As it turned out, the Sectoid Leader spilled pretty quick. We'd need further study to get anything practical out of the thing's terrified babbling, but really, any scientific and tactical benefit is secondary to the fun of trying out the ginger beer trick. Sent everyone out of the room first, of course. They want to see it, they can buy the video like everyone else.

Fort Fri kept getting more useful. Now it probably could sustain a garrison. As soon as it has a Skyranger, some of the rookies are getting sent over there. About time they start justifying the 20,000 a month.

Of course, even the most entertaining days of alien torturing and sciencing are prone to interruption, and the sighting of a small UFO, and its subsequent shooting down, gave us all a fun afternoon.

Lopez almost immediately found the smoldering wreck. Seemed the Interceptor pilots did a number on the thing. No sense in sending scouts out for a job Lopez and I can do ourselves.

And that was that. I tuned into the Skyranger's speaker systems and received the familiar responses. Eldan insisted that (he, she, it) was human, that no-one else could be trusted, and also that heavy Plasma didn't look too difficult to figure out with "good old Hugh-MAN knowhow". BRC insisted that we should inform the alien proletariat to rise up and destroy their Bourgeoisie, then ours "present company excepted, of course". This was followed by the distinctive sound of Knight's stunstick warming up, and a silence fell on the group, barring Fiddler's repeated mutterings "If they don't notice me, they can't kill me. You are not a redshirt, you are a valued member of the team".

Well, some of them should die soon enough, might as well learn to live with them until then.



As I got out at base, another memo slid into my hands. It was fairly standard stuff, "Things man was not meant to know" "unspeakable atrocities" "Lost my faith in a good and benevolent god", and of course, the words that make every X-COM lifer's heart sing, "Here's how we do it ourselves". Seemed some of the aliens had massive psychic powers. It lets them run roughshod over human minds, but some of us can fight back. They boys in the official X-COM science trenchcoats had blueprints for a lab using the captured Sectoid leader to power mental testing devices. Some of the new recruits, Tengu Temp especially, were doubtful of this whole mind control bit, but everyone involved in the base defense knew all too well how true this report was.

As I walked out, Chumbley stopped me in the hall and mentioned a man from the council of funding nations was here to see me. I then noticed I has inadvertantly handed Chumbley the memo on the use of captured Sectoid leaders to power a psionics study device. As I prepared a mental list of excuses for the body on the floor and saw the look of sheer disgust on our guest's face, I heard something I didn't expect.

"Good. After what I've read here, my former commanders deserve far worse, but human science still has limits."

I silently put back the pistol, thanked Chumbley for the advice, asked him to file the memo, and headed out to meet the guys writing my paycheck.

I tried to play it cool. Sure, Chicago had been invaded, but we managed to deal with that one fine. There was a base invasion to deal with, as well as the media fiasco with my taken wildly out of context quote "No, fire on the grey ones. You can shoot the civilians later." And the incident with the prime minister, the stun bomb, and the bobcat. And Fort Fri being the site of both a base and "X-COM land, the happiest place off Earth". But, for some reason, they handed over a larger check than ever with a glassy eyed look and a vacant grin.

This was a good month. New recruits, new base, psionic research, more money, the construction of X-COM land...

And Copper did something not useless! A suggestion we send scientists between bases at the end of a month so as to put their salaries under UN jurisdiction saved about a million. As promised, this earned him a five minute bathroom break. Under armed guard.

[Alex Knight]

And X-Com scientists are working on turning anything into a thwacking implement. Soon, your gun will be able to be used to beat people upside the head.

I have never been happier to be a member of X-Com than I am right now, sir.

<Goes to beat Copper in celebration>

[chiasaur11]

I have never been happier to be a member of X-Com than I am right now, sir.

<Goes to beat Copper in celebration>

Good man. We always like to see some enthusiasm for the work.

[Winterwind]

Chumbley was a great help in interrogations, presenting us the novel concept of "Bad cop, worse cop." Chumbley was bad cop. As it turned out, the Sectoid Leader spilled pretty quick. We'd need further study to get anything practical out of the thing's terrified babbling, but really, any scientific and tactical benefit is secondary to the fun of trying out the ginger beer trick.

Yes, I imagine being a mindless drone in an alien hive mind society that suddenly gets to break free and torture a former leader of its species must be pretty awesome.
*sniff* They grow up so fast.

I silently put back the pistol, thanked Chumbley for the advice, asked him to file the memo, and headed out to meet the guys writing my paycheck.

I tried to play it cool. Sure, Chicago had been invaded, but we managed to deal with that one fine. There was a base invasion to deal with, as well as the media fiasco with my taken wildly out of context quote "No, fire on the grey ones. You can shoot the civilians later." And the incident with the prime minister, the stun bomb, and the bobcat. And Fort Fri being the site of both a base and "X-COM land, the happiest place off Earth". But, for some reason, they handed over a larger check than ever with a glassy eyed look and a vacant grin.

It seems the Asian countries were not quite as... convinced of the value of our services.
Maybe we should pay them a little visit, if you know what I mean?

EDIT: Nevermind, somehow missed Japan in there. Still, there are some countries suspiciously absent once again... and besides, it's not like we cannot pay them a visit anyway, right?

[Cubey]

Japan increases their funding each month we promise to introduce giant robots or at least powered armor amongst X-Com's ranks.

Sorry, Enforcer still isn't canon.