Predictions For Star Wars Episode 8

[Bartmanhomer]

This is my predictions for Star Wars Episode 8. Rey is learning the force from Luke Skywalker. The First Order and the Resistance battling each other. The villain will reveal that he's Rey's brother. And pretty much the storyline is the same as Empire Strikes Back. :)

[The Glyphstone]

You forgot the part where Finn will be captured by Captain Phasma and sealed in carbonite for delivery to Supreme Lord Snoke for interrogation.

[dancrilis]

I predict that it will be a reasonable enjoyable movie while one is watching it, but which will not hold up to any analysis.

[Legato Endless]

You forgot the part where Finn will be captured by Captain Phasma and sealed in carbonite for delivery to Supreme Lord Snoke for interrogation.

Is Finn still comatose when he's captured? Otherwise I'm not sure this is within Phasma's abilities.

[BWR]

If TFA is anything to go by, we will have a competently made but uninspired and unremarkable film that closely mirrors ESB in plot and structure and is full of call-backs to the old stuff but devoid of anything new or interesting but filled with ideas that were rightly discarded and bland characters. A safe bet trying desperately to cash in on nostalgia while in effect saying "look, we aren't the prequels, please don't hate us" without any of the magic or majesty that the OT (and even the PT, for all their many faults) had.

[Cosi]

Rey is someone's* kid. Probably Leia's, maybe Luke's.

Rey and Darth Emo get trained by their masters, probably have a showdown at the end. Rey wins again.

Chewy probably dies in this one. That or he becomes a fixture of Star Wars for the rest of the movies.

Luke dies, probably like Yoda. Maybe we get a force ghost.

*: Obviously she's someone's kid, I mean someone important.

[Rodin]

The First Order will attack the Rebel Resistance base, and in order to hide one of our characters will be forced to kill an Ewok and hide inside it, pretending to be a teddy bear.

After the movie is released, Ewok sleeping bags!

[Legato Endless]

It will have a rather misleading name like Episode VII: Rey's Awakening.

Seriously, nothing actually happened with the Force itself. I mean, that didn't really affect my enjoyment of the film, but what?

In other news, get your predictions in now, because the Script is already be rewritten. Apparently they were going to introduce a goodly number of characters with fairly substantial roles. This is now being altered to give considerably more screen time to the leading trio. Poe isn't surprising, as his survival in VII was a last minute change, but I'm more befuddled by the fact that apparently Rey and Finn were being pushed into an ensemble with ever more cast turnover? The movie after they've been introduced?

*: Obviously she's someone's kid, I mean someone important.

Not necessarily. We could get a gender flipped clone of Obi-wan Kenobi in the next movie. Not likely, but possible.

[warty goblin]

They're just going to keep blowing up erzatz Death Star substitutes forever. At some point everybody realizes that this has nothing to do with the Force, good, evil or the occasional destruction of a planet the audience never sees and doesn't care about. No, it's about the cold, hard bottom line. Because the untold story of Star Wars is that the construction and subsequent destruction of super-weapons is the only way that the galactic economy works, and the only way to end the cycle is by blowing up the corrupt arms corporations that perpetuate it. This is because although the Separatists technically lost the Clone Wars, the Boards of Directors of the Banking Clan, Trade Federation and so on picked up the pieces, and promptly bought up majority shares in the hideously over-leveraged and newly formed Empire. Vader's slaughter of the Separatist leaders was supposed to be the end of their hostile takeover attempt, but both Palpatine and Vader were played by Jar Jar Binks, economic mastermind of the whole thing.

In other words, by the beginning of A New Hope, Jar Jar owns Palpatine's ass, and gives the Rebels X-Wings on the cheap as a loss-leader for snapping up those valuable Empire defense contracts. Realizing that their so-called empire is really just a brand name for Jar Jar Galactic Enterprises, Inc, Palpatine and Vader commission the first Death Star with the ultimate purpose of killing Chairman Binks. Unfortunately because it's built by military contractors, it's hopelessly behind schedule and has a host of design defects. Binks gets wind of the impending Death Star based assassination attempt, leaks the plans to the Rebels, and chuckles merrily at its immediate destruction.

Desperate, Palpatine and Vader mortgage Coruscant to fund Death Star II, which naturally is an even bigger construction boondoggle than Death Star I. It's construction is, once again, carried out by a subsidiary of Jar Jar Galactic Enterprises, who delay completion long enough for the Rebels to blow the whole thing up, and conveniently eliminate Palpatine and Vader, the only two people who really understand the true situation.

Over the next thirty years, the New Republic - really a shell company for Jar Jar Galactic - decides to cut out the middleman, and becomes a sovereign government. Meanwhile the remnants of the Empire swear to exterminate Chairman Binks, and sell off their AT-ATs to get their TIE fighters out of hock. This is a dark time for Chairman Binks, who lacks a war to drive up government spending on ludicrous weapons systems, so the galactic economy enters a prolonged slump. Without much of a manufacturing basis of their own, the New Order is forced to build Starkiller Base by buying parts through subcontractors (naturally owned by Jar Jar Galactic), which is why it takes so damn long. This massive deficit spending by the New Order is almost entirely responsible for the galaxy recovering economically at all; although they do so much work in-house that it's nowhere near as potent a stimulus package as DSII. Unfortunately Binks escapes its volley of hyperspace planet killing blasts, and it is once again blown up by plucky rebels unwittingly doing the bidding of their corporate overlords. This gets us to the end of Episode VI

Episode VII is a classic 'middle chapter', which mostly works to set up the concluding film. Because even the leftovers of the Empire never do anything by halves, they naturally have been building an even more ludicrous planet-killing superweapon in the wings; in this case they've welded two planets together. However once again Binks feeds the coordinates to the rebels, who blow it up, yet again. This takes place about halfway through the movie. In the riveting finale, the plucky heroes are taken prisoner and Hux, who has a Ph.D. in economics but only a couple of night classes in military strategy, sits them down and gives a very long powerpoint presentation explaining that Jar Jar Galactic now owns roughly 87% of the galaxy, and soon everyone will become a slave to Chairman Bink's perverse desires.

Episode VIII sees our heroes constructing yet another planet-killing superweapon. Unlike previous iterations however, this is a clever ruse, and they use the routing numbers on contracts to eventually work out where Chairman Binks is hiding. They then launch a two-pronged attempt to destroy Chairman Binks and dissolve Jar Jar Galactic. The first prong is the activation of the superweapon, opposed as usual by some annoying group of plucky misfits flying one-man fighters. In a clever inversion of the usual plot however, this time the audience is on tenterhooks, hoping that the weapon has time to fire.

It is inevitably blown up before firing, at which point Prong 2 swings into operation. Rey, who is secretly the child of a boardmember of Jar Jar Galactic, uses The Force her massive bank account to smuggle Finn into Chairman Jar Jar's personal quarters in order to assassinate the despicable Gungan. There, in the action packed finale, Rey and Finn must resist Jar Jar's increasingly massive cash bribes. Eventually Rey succumbs to the Dark Side, but Finn, who as a stormtrooper has basically no concept of money, resists temptation and throws Jar Jar down a conveniently located reactor shaft.

[Professor Gnoll]

I predict that people will alternate between complaining that it's too much like the originals and not enough like the originals.

[Legato Endless]

• It will take place a few years later. It can't be immediate because Kylo and Finn need time to recover, but it won't be the 10 year gap of I and II either, as we don't have anyone we need to age up. This allows the ramifications of VII to sink in across the galaxy.
• Whatever military of the New Republic that wasn't obliterated in the cosmic light show of TFW will join with the Resistance.
• It will still be called the Resistance though.
• Finn will not languish long in recovery. He'll either already be up and moving, or will get a quick cybernetic fix after waking up at the beginning.
• The film will ape every other middle part of the series, in being significantly darker.
• A master-strategist archetypical character will appear as an antagonist. This will either Hux after signifiant character development, Snoke in a more direct role, or a new underling to swell the ranks.
• A major antagonist will actually die in this movie. Possibly not an Imperial though, as even Hux seems like he's in this until episode IX.
• Someone will lose a limb. An actual limb. No more of these ambiguous stab wounds to the torso in VII.
• It will be converted to the 3D format for theaters.
• Finn and Rey will get romantically teased if not outright confirmed. It's Disney People. This is happening.
• Everyone except maybe Snoke will get new outfits for action figures.
• The film will less of an homage than Force Awakens. Frankly, it'd actually be harder for the series to continue in this trend as they've already ripped a few elements from V and VI for VII anyway.
• Luke's death will be seriously teased.
• People will be much more critical about it.
• Per Episode V, Rey's parents will be revealed, but the emotional fallout of the subplot won't actually wrap up until IX.
• It will be revealed Maz and Snoke know each other. It's a small galaxy, and they're really old.
• Luke will actually have dialogue in this movie.
• Kylo will have one sided conversations with his family. Specially, his dead father and dead grandfather.
• Kylo will get flashbacks. His family. His time with Snoke. He'll be more introspective in this film to continue his Darth Vader parallels.
• The other Knights of Ren will be in this movie.
  
  
• The Knights of Ren will include some of the following:
• An ambitious rival trying to replace Kylo as Master of the Knights of Ren.
• An ignored subordinate totally in love with Kylo.
• A supportive friend.
• An obsequious people pleaser/social darling/clown.
• Someone who secretly reports directly to Snoke.
• A quiet mostly undeveloped character.
• Rey will kill at least one of these people.

[The Glyphstone]

It's not fair if you just predict everything. You're bound to be right by sheer luck.

[DJ Yung Crunk]

There will be spaceships. There will be lightsabers. It will receive a disproportionate amount of hype.

I'm psychic, I promise.

[LaZodiac]

Did a quick Control+F of this thread and surprised that I didn't see the most obvious one.

Rey'll get a double lightsaber like Darth Maul, to match her staff in the first movie. It'll be awesome enough to make everyone stop complaining about smaller flaws the movie might have.

[Lord Raziere]

I'mma make a crazy prediction for once:

Luke will speak exactly like Yoda.

I'm not kidding, thats what I predict. thats what I'm going with. I know it'll probably be wrong, but I'm predicting it anyways.

[Razade]

Did a quick Control+F of this thread and surprised that I didn't see the most obvious one.

Rey'll get a double lightsaber like Darth Maul, to match her staff in the first movie. It'll be awesome enough to make everyone stop complaining about smaller flaws the movie might have.

I said the same thing right after seeing the movie. It's probable considering how she fought in the first movie.

[Legato Endless]

Rey'll get a double lightsaber like Darth Maul, to match her staff in the first movie. It'll be awesome enough to make everyone stop complaining about smaller flaws the movie might have.

Not on this forum.

It's not fair if you just predict everything. You're bound to be right by sheer luck.

Should we bet bragging rights on a percentage?

[Professor Gnoll]

I think I'd prefer some kind of lightspear or glaive, with a lightsaber resistant haft.

[Astral Avenger]

Not on this forum.

Should we bet bragging rights on a percentage?

Yes, if we want to get meta here, I'll bet Legato Endless ends up at about 7%.

I'll predict Rey getting a light war scythe because a light spear is to mainstream.
Finn goes full on transhumanist
Jar Jar does not make another appearance
The alien thingies from E.T. will be shown briefly in the background again.
Rey ends up taking the path of the grey jedi
The action sequences will be awesome
The CGI will be awesome

Spoiler: All the win

Show

They're just going to keep blowing up erzatz Death Star substitutes forever. At some point everybody realizes that this has nothing to do with the Force, good, evil or the occasional destruction of a planet the audience never sees and doesn't care about. No, it's about the cold, hard bottom line. Because the untold story of Star Wars is that the construction and subsequent destruction of super-weapons is the only way that the galactic economy works, and the only way to end the cycle is by blowing up the corrupt arms corporations that perpetuate it. This is because although the Separatists technically lost the Clone Wars, the Boards of Directors of the Banking Clan, Trade Federation and so on picked up the pieces, and promptly bought up majority shares in the hideously over-leveraged and newly formed Empire. Vader's slaughter of the Separatist leaders was supposed to be the end of their hostile takeover attempt, but both Palpatine and Vader were played by Jar Jar Binks, economic mastermind of the whole thing.

In other words, by the beginning of A New Hope, Jar Jar owns Palpatine's ass, and gives the Rebels X-Wings on the cheap as a loss-leader for snapping up those valuable Empire defense contracts. Realizing that their so-called empire is really just a brand name for Jar Jar Galactic Enterprises, Inc, Palpatine and Vader commission the first Death Star with the ultimate purpose of killing Chairman Binks. Unfortunately because it's built by military contractors, it's hopelessly behind schedule and has a host of design defects. Binks gets wind of the impending Death Star based assassination attempt, leaks the plans to the Rebels, and chuckles merrily at its immediate destruction.

Desperate, Palpatine and Vader mortgage Coruscant to fund Death Star II, which naturally is an even bigger construction boondoggle than Death Star I. It's construction is, once again, carried out by a subsidiary of Jar Jar Galactic Enterprises, who delay completion long enough for the Rebels to blow the whole thing up, and conveniently eliminate Palpatine and Vader, the only two people who really understand the true situation.

Over the next thirty years, the New Republic - really a shell company for Jar Jar Galactic - decides to cut out the middleman, and becomes a sovereign government. Meanwhile the remnants of the Empire swear to exterminate Chairman Binks, and sell off their AT-ATs to get their TIE fighters out of hock. This is a dark time for Chairman Binks, who lacks a war to drive up government spending on ludicrous weapons systems, so the galactic economy enters a prolonged slump. Without much of a manufacturing basis of their own, the New Order is forced to build Starkiller Base by buying parts through subcontractors (naturally owned by Jar Jar Galactic), which is why it takes so damn long. This massive deficit spending by the New Order is almost entirely responsible for the galaxy recovering economically at all; although they do so much work in-house that it's nowhere near as potent a stimulus package as DSII. Unfortunately Binks escapes its volley of hyperspace planet killing blasts, and it is once again blown up by plucky rebels unwittingly doing the bidding of their corporate overlords. This gets us to the end of Episode VI

Episode VII is a classic 'middle chapter', which mostly works to set up the concluding film. Because even the leftovers of the Empire never do anything by halves, they naturally have been building an even more ludicrous planet-killing superweapon in the wings; in this case they've welded two planets together. However once again Binks feeds the coordinates to the rebels, who blow it up, yet again. This takes place about halfway through the movie. In the riveting finale, the plucky heroes are taken prisoner and Hux, who has a Ph.D. in economics but only a couple of night classes in military strategy, sits them down and gives a very long powerpoint presentation explaining that Jar Jar Galactic now owns roughly 87% of the galaxy, and soon everyone will become a slave to Chairman Bink's perverse desires.

Episode VIII sees our heroes constructing yet another planet-killing superweapon. Unlike previous iterations however, this is a clever ruse, and they use the routing numbers on contracts to eventually work out where Chairman Binks is hiding. They then launch a two-pronged attempt to destroy Chairman Binks and dissolve Jar Jar Galactic. The first prong is the activation of the superweapon, opposed as usual by some annoying group of plucky misfits flying one-man fighters. In a clever inversion of the usual plot however, this time the audience is on tenterhooks, hoping that the weapon has time to fire.

It is inevitably blown up before firing, at which point Prong 2 swings into operation. Rey, who is secretly the child of a boardmember of Jar Jar Galactic, uses The Force her massive bank account to smuggle Finn into Chairman Jar Jar's personal quarters in order to assassinate the despicable Gungan. There, in the action packed finale, Rey and Finn must resist Jar Jar's increasingly massive cash bribes. Eventually Rey succumbs to the Dark Side, but Finn, who as a stormtrooper has basically no concept of money, resists temptation and throws Jar Jar down a conveniently located reactor shaft.

Mind if I sig this?

[Dragonexx]

I think I'd prefer some kind of lightspear or glaive, with a lightsaber resistant haft.

So this?



Click image for description.

[Emperordaniel]

Kylo Ren will get a new lightsaber with a different design (seeing as Rey cut his old one in half at the end of their duel).

Kylo Ren will get a new mask (seeing as he dropped his mask when confronting Han Solo and never retrieved it afterwards).

The new mask may be made by reforging what is left of Vader's helmet & mask, sans breathing apparatus (sure he got slashed in the face, but I don't think his injuries are anywhere near those his grandfather had).

[Professor Gnoll]

So this?



Click image for description.

Pretty much exactly that. It would make a nice change from swords, without being absurdly flashy and over the top.

[thorgrim29]

I'mma make a crazy prediction for once:

Luke will speak exactly like Yoda.

I'm not kidding, thats what I predict. thats what I'm going with. I know it'll probably be wrong, but I'm predicting it anyways.

He could talk like Yoda for the first few sentences just to mess with Rey, that would be fun. And then the whole rest of the movie will be Rey slowly figuring out that he's been driven insane by grief and isolation while he trains her and at the end he completely snaps when Kylo Ren lands on his sweet island retreat and becomes Darth Joker. Then Mark Hamill can weld together his two best roles.

[warty goblin]

I said the same thing right after seeing the movie. It's probable considering how she fought in the first movie.

That would require the reboots to acknowledge that the prequels exist, which TFA only does by emphatically being not the prequels. Which is sort of a pity, because at the end of the day I think I like the prequels better than TFA.

Mind if I sig this?

Go for it.

[Misery Esquire]

...and becomes Darth Joker.

Darth Humour ; "Hey. Hey, Snoke."
Snoke-hologram ; "Yes?"
DH ; "Want to see a force trick?"
Snoke-gram ; "Really? You killed all the guards and Kylo to ask if I want to see a force trick?"
DH ; "Yeah."
Snoke-gram ; "Why not."
Darth Humour throws his lightsaber at the hologram, hitting the real Snoke in the eye on the other end of the galaxy.
DH ; "I'm so good at this. Now to find my father's helmet. And blow everything up. Again."

[Emperordaniel]

That would require the reboots to acknowledge that the prequels exist, which TFA only does by emphatically being not the prequels. Which is sort of a pity, because at the end of the day I think I like the prequels better than TFA.

The Force Awakens does make references to the prequel era, though - off the top of my head, Kylo Ren comments at one point on the ineffectiveness of the kidnapped-and-trained-from-childhood stormtroopers at apprehending BB-8, and makes a remark that "maybe we should go back to using clone troopers", which is a pretty obvious reference to Attack of the Clones/The Clone Wars/Revenge of the Sith.

[Bulldog Psion]

I predict that people will alternate between complaining that it's too much like the originals and not enough like the originals.

Well, I think you definitely won this thread.

[jere7my]

The Force Awakens does make references to the prequel era, though - off the top of my head, Kylo Ren comments at one point on the ineffectiveness of the kidnapped-and-trained-from-childhood stormtroopers at apprehending BB-8, and makes a remark that "maybe we should go back to using clone troopers", which is a pretty obvious reference to Attack of the Clones/The Clone Wars/Revenge of the Sith.

They're also happy to reference the prequels in their other properties. Rebels has recurring characters who are aging clone troopers, e.g.

[Razade]

That would require the reboots to acknowledge that the prequels exist, which TFA only does by emphatically being not the prequels. Which is sort of a pity, because at the end of the day I think I like the prequels better than TFA.

Are you saying that the only way the new Trilogy is going to hand out a double bladed lightsaber is if they nod to the Prequels? That's...the worst argument I've ever heard. Double bladed lightsabers predate that in the EU by a huge margin and the new Trilogy is raiding the EU like crazy. You're also crazy if you think you can make any sort of definitive estimation comparing a single movie in a trilogy to an already completed trilogy.

[warty goblin]

Are you saying that the only way the new Trilogy is going to hand out a double bladed lightsaber is if they nod to the Prequels? That's...the worst argument I've ever heard. Double bladed lightsabers predate that in the EU by a huge margin and the new Trilogy is raiding the EU like crazy. You're also crazy if you think you can make any sort of definitive estimation comparing a single movie in a trilogy to an already completed trilogy.

No, I'm saying that the strongest association most people have with a double bladed lightsaber is Episode 1. Which is a guess, maybe everybody and their cousin read a bunch of EU stuff, but I think it's a pretty fair guess. I'm also saying that one of the major marketing and creative thrusts of TFA is that it is Star Wars like the OT, right down to selling it as using loads of practical effects and the near constant references to the original trilogy throughout the film. Possibly because people spent the last ten years hating the prequels with a really quite astonishing vigor. Ergo it would be a fairly substantial change in their modus operandi to put in something that most people would strongly associate with a movie that they've put a lot of work into distancing themselves from. Not impossible, but I wouldn't bet on it.

And sure I'll compare TFA to the prequels, why not? They're all movies I could watch, so comparing them seems an eminently sensible thing to do. Sure it's the first of a trilogy, so what? I could compare the first Hobbit movie to Fellowship of the Ring and conclude it was much, much worse, regardless of the next two films. Maybe the next Episode takes the loose ends from TFA and does amazing things with them, that doesn't make me think TFA is a better way to park my butt in a chair for two plus hours. That makes me glad I watched TFA once or twice so I could enjoy Episode VIII.

So if I had to rank the Star Wars movies, I'd go with:
1) Empire Strikes Back
2) Revenge of the Sith in a close second
3) A New Hope
4) Attack of the Clones
5) The Force Awakens
6) Return of the Jedi
7) The Phantom Menace

There's a certain amount of flexibility in the lower rankings; the difference between TFA and Return of the Jedi is small enough I'd be happy to switch 'em given a reason. Really the first two spots are the only ones I'm liable to pop in the DVD player on any given evening.