LGBTAitP #31: Cuddles Are On Back Order. Have Some Snuggles!

[Karen Lynn]

Hello to all, and I'm honored to see you enter the thirty-first incarnation of the queerest, rainbow-colored, extra-friendly corner of the Playground, the LGBTAitp thread!

This is a thread where we Playgrounders, and LGBTAitp in particular, gather to discuss, share our experiences, give general advice and support one another in such matters as arise relating to, well, the world beyond heteronormativity.

Please note that although the title of the thread names only the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Asexual communities, it is intended as an all inclusive environment.

• Everyone is welcome. Let's try to keep from seeming otherwise.
• Keep this topic free of politics and religion. (so, don't violate the board rules, plz)
• It's beyond the scope of this thread to discuss whether LGBT is "Right." (And really, most discussions probably should avoid moralizing too much anyway)
• Please refrain from posting sexually explicit content. (Keep it friendly as well as board safe )

Keep in mind that content which contain strong language may be filtered (Plus, y'know, the forum-filters), and content that violates the forum rules won't be posted at all.

Here are the links for the previous threads, where much of use or interest may be found:

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1. LGBT people in the playground
   
2. LGBT people in the playground - part II
   
3. LGBTitp - part III
   
4. LGBTitp 4: We are a family?
   
5. LGBTitp - Part Five
   
6. LGBTitp - Part Six
   
7. LGBTitp - Part Seven
   
8. LGBTitp - Part Eight
   
9. LGBTitp - Part Nine
   
10. LGBTAitp - Part Ten
    
11. LGBTAitp - Part Eleven
    
12. LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
    
13. LGBTAitp - Part Thirteen
    
14. LGBTAitp - Part Fourteen
    
15. LGBTAitp - Part Fifteen
    
16. LGBTAitp - Part Sixteen
    
17. LGBTAitp - Part Seventeen
    
18. LGBTAitp - Part Eighteen!
    
19. LGBTAitp - Part Nineteen
    
20. LGBTAitp - Part Twenty - Critical Hit!
    
21. LGBTAitp - Part Twenty-One - BLACKJACK!
    
22. LGBTAitP Part 22: The Best There Is
    
23. LGBTAitP Part 23: Et tu, ~Bianca?
    
24. LGBTAitP: Alphabet Soup-with 24 different Vitamins!
    
25. LGBTAitP part 25: Doing Away With Subtitles
    
26. LGBTAitP 26: No Time For Snappy Titles
    
27. LGBTAitP 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
    
28. LGBTAitP #28: Come Taste the Rainbow!
    
29. LGBTAitP #29: The Rainbow Outreach Program
    
30. LGBTAitP 30: Free Cuddles (Enquire Within)

And, for reference, here is the Thousand&Wordster Dictionary of Commonly Used LGBTAitp Words and Phrases

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Lagerbeta: A fine brewski to be drunk by queers and allies.
LGBT: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans*
Trans*: Transsexual and Transgender
LGBTA: LGBT+Asexual/Allies
QUILTBAG:

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Q - Queer and Questioning
U - Unidentified
I - Intersex
L - Lesbian
T - Transgender, Transexual
B - Bisexual
A - Asexual
G - Gay, Genderqueer

Allies: Straight people that support equality for sexuality and gender minorities.
MtF: Male-to-Female: A woman born with male nibblies, who may or may not be seeking HRT and/or SRS. (AKA: trans woman)
FtM: Female-to-Male: A man born with female nibblies, who may or may not be seeking HRT and/or SRS. (AKA: trans man)
GQ: Genderqueer.
CS: Cis-sexual: sex and gender match (a male with male nibblies, a female with female nibblies.
TS: Transsexual: Sex and gender disparity.
HRT: Hormone replacement therapy. MtF's take more progestrogens and oestrogens and FtM's take more testosterone (I think?)
SRS: Sex Reassignment Surgery: Surgery to replace/transform a vagina into a penis, or vice versa depending on direction. Mastectomies or plastic surgery may be used on breasts.
FFS: Facial Feminization Surgery: Plastic surgery to reduce chin/nose/cheekbones. not very common.
VF: Vocal Feminization: The practice of achieving a natural sounding feminine voice without surgery.
VFS: Vocal Feminization Surgery: As VF, but with the addition of surgery.
AFAB/AMAB: Assigned Female/Male at Birth
FAAB/MAAB: Female/Male Assigned at Birth.


Man: A cisman or transman. Male.
Woman: A ciswoman or transwoman. Female.
Androgyne: Gender Identity with male and female aspects.
Genderfluid: Someone who fluctuates between male and female.
Agendered: Someone who feels neither male nor female.
Third-gendered: Someone who fits in a local society's third gender, usually male performing female tasks, occasionally vice versa.
Masculine: Something generally associated with men.
Feminine: Something generally associated with women.

Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to women.
Gay: A man who is attracted to men.
Homosexual: A person who is attracted to members of their gender.
Heterosexual: A person who is attracted to members of the opposite gender.
Bisexual: A person who is attracted to two genders (usually men and women, sometimes transgender instead of one of those).
Pansexual: A person who is attracted to people regardless of gender.
Asexual: A person who does not feel any/some sexual attraction.
Demisexual: A person who is sexually attracted to someone(s) they have formed an intense emotional relationship with.
Polyamorous: A person who is interested in a relationship with more than one person.
Radosexual: A person who is only attracted to rad people.
Pomosexual: A person who avoids SO labels.

Sexual Orientation: How one identifies who they are attracted to. (SO)
Gender Identity: How one feels inside society's idea of "man, woman, or other". (GI)
Gender Expression: How one expresses their GI to society. (GE)
Significant Other(s): Person you are in a relationship with. (SO)

[Chess435]

Yay! New thread! *begins snuggling with everyone*

[Lix Lorn]

(snugglestorm!)

[Coidzor]

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Last night, I was in the parking garage of the local library because they keep the wi-fi on after hours and have an electrical outlet. Anyways, I was playing a game of League with Mynx and a bunch of other people and some guy tried to snatch-and-grab my laptop. I stopped him and jumped on him, and after we scuffed for a couple minutes, I chased him off, only to realize that my laptop was completely totaled from the fight. I ran home and called the cops, and they found the guy and brought him in, fortunately, and even found the knife that he pulled in the fight in a separate place. As a result, however, I'll be on for a while today, but I'm not gonna be able to post a whole lot or log onto Steam until I can scrape together the cash for a replacement. On the bright side, my family is really proud of me for not only fighting back, but winning, so I might be able to manage a few bucks from some people to help out. Also, if I ever get the security cam footage, I'll post it here for your enjoyment if you want.

That's an emotional rollercoaster. I'm very glad that you didn't get injured in the fracas, even if your laptop paid the ultimate price. Good luck and all speed getting it replaced.

Zorg: Thank you for that info dump, it was a most intriguing read.

Welp, dressmaking has started! Just been down to town and bought a metre of satin-backed dupion for the bodice, and a metre and a half of satin for the skirt, both in royal blue.

Well, since I don't know the exact wording you're supposed to for dressmaking, I'll just wish you goodluck.

It's a bit late, and it's, y'know, useless old 3rd and 4th hand information and all, but I've heard good things about pinterest and certain tumblrs for getting ideas as well from my friends, associates, and acquaintances of a... hands-on bent.

Helio is our resident pin-up girl.

Now that you mention it... I'm not exactly clear on the delineations between pin-up and sundry, since I've never actually been involved directly and people always seem to shuffle a bit when they discuss it with those who aren't initiated, but it does seem like glamour or glamor or glam ...one of those anyway... would be something you, Helio, might be interested in discussing with those of a photographical persuasion. Something about the feel of the word, I suppose?

Kyriarchy sounds tastier than it should be.

It sounds like it should involve shellfish to me. Possibly fried but at least grilled. Possibly something inbetween a crab and one of those things from Australian waters that is like a lobster but lacks the claws so it's just the tail that you can eat and people tried to sell it as lobster on the sly until they realized they could sell it for more than lobster once people got a taste for it.

At least some kind of invertebrate lifeform.

[Karen Lynn]

Thanks! imho they look so adorable together.

Edit. the link should work now.

Ok. It works, and D'awww! So much cute!
---
Edit: Middle of dinner with sis and brother in law, and my voice starts slipping up in pitch. Maybe the moon shine is relaxing me a bit too much... Been practicing, but not now! I've not outed myself to her yet, and worry if I do. She can't keep a secret to save her life.

[Chess435]

Ok. It works, and D'awww! So much cute!
---
Edit: Middle of dinner with sis and brother in law, and my voice starts slipping up in pitch. Maybe the moon shine is relaxing me a bit too much... Been practicing, but not now! I've not outed myself to her yet, and worry if I do. She can't keep a secret to save her life.

Oh my, that must have been interesting. Well, at least it's becoming a bit more natural to you.

Edit: Also, I only have a couple hours left before I vanish for most likely a couple days, so if there's anything you need to say to me, get it off your chest now.

[monkyman640]

*opening post snip*

You need to add the last thread to the list of previous threads.

[Karen Lynn]

You need to add the last thread to the list of previous threads.

I had the 30th thread up there, but the link to 29 wasn't in the 30th's opening thread. Fixed now. :3

Oh my, that must have been interesting. Well, at least it's becoming a bit more natural to you.

Yeah, it is, and i have no problem with it... Just... The timing... Covered it with a cough, which isn't the best thing, but I had to cover it one way or another. Wasn't fast enough. Sis caught it, and is now using that old teasing name her and other sis always used on me. >.<;;

[Chess435]

I had the 30th thread up there, but the link to 29 wasn't in the 30th's opening thread. Fixed now. :3

Link's broken! *rushes to get fairy*

[Karen Lynn]

Link's broken! *rushes to get fairy*

Sorry. Apparently I can't format for crap on my phone right now. :P Now it's fixed.

[Chess435]

Sorry. Apparently I can't format for crap on my phone right now. :P Now it's fixed.

Yay! ^_^ *snuggles*

[Karen Lynn]

Yay! ^_^ *snuggles*

*noms*

Added results of dinner above. *points*

[Chess435]

*noms*

Added results of dinner above. *points*

Yeah, it is, and i have no problem with it... Just... The timing... Covered it with a cough, which isn't the best thing, but I had to cover it one way or another. Wasn't fast enough. Sis caught it, and is now using that old teasing name her and other sis always used on me. >.<;;

Perhaps you should wait on the voice-training until you're ready to come out, or at least close. Wouldn't want you to slip up and be forced out of the closet before you're good and ready.

[Karen Lynn]

Perhaps you should wait on the voice-training until you're ready to come out, or at least close. Wouldn't want you to slip up and be forced out of the closet before you're good and ready.

Maybe, but I'm thinking of coming out to my mother when I see her this weekend... Maybe... If something happens to lead to the topic... Possibly... >.<

Ok, yeah, I'm a coward. >.<

[Chess435]

Maybe, but I'm thinking of coming out to my mother when I see her this weekend... Maybe... If something happens to lead to the topic... Possibly... >.<

Ok, yeah, I'm a coward. >.<

Don't feel too bad about that. I, for one, intend to come out as Bi once I become self-sufficient and am a very safe distance from home. *snuggles more*

[Hylleddin]

Maybe, but I'm thinking of coming out to my mother when I see her this weekend... Maybe... If something happens to lead to the topic... Possibly... >.<

Ok, yeah, I'm a coward. >.<

Don't feel bad. Even after I told my mom I needed to tell her something important, it took me an hour of sitting there awkwardly to build up the nerve to actually say it.

[Mynxae]

Really? That would be fantastic. I'd need about a couple hundred dollars to get one of the cheap Chromebooks of a refurbished one, and I get paid a decent amount Friday, so it wouldn't be too much.

Well, at least my babe now knows I can hold my own in a fight! I will request the footage tomorrow, though I probably won't be able to get it until after the guy is prosecuted.

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Last night, I was in the parking garage of the local library because they keep the wi-fi on after hours and have an electrical outlet. Anyways, I was playing a game of League with Mynx and a bunch of other people and some guy tried to snatch-and-grab my laptop. I stopped him and jumped on him, and after we scuffed for a couple minutes, I chased him off, only to realize that my laptop was completely totaled from the fight. I ran home and called the cops, and they found the guy and brought him in, fortunately, and even found the knife that he pulled in the fight in a separate place. As a result, however, I'll be on for a while today, but I'm not gonna be able to post a whole lot or log onto Steam until I can scrape together the cash for a replacement. On the bright side, my family is really proud of me for not only fighting back, but winning, so I might be able to manage a few bucks from some people to help out. Also, if I ever get the security cam footage, I'll post it here for your enjoyment if you want.

So that's why you disconnected. We lost, but now that I know why, it doesn't matter. I'm just glad you're okay. Very sad to hear about your laptop though. Good on you for defending yourself though bub!

[Chess435]

Looks like I have to go a bit early! See ya as soon as I can. (@Karen: My paypal/email is [email protected] if you really want to donate, but please don't feel obligated to.)

[Karen Lynn]

If after my bills are paid off this paycheck.and I have enough, I may be able to donate a small bit.

[Absol197]

Hooray, new thread! (snuggles everybody!)

It seems we have a bunch of new people, so I'm going to say "Hi!" and "Welcome!"

And since it was asked, and I asked the same thing when I first came here, I will share my experiences with discovering my trans-ness.

...Just not right now. Right now, I need to be going to bed. I just wanted to get a post in so I could track the new thread, and also because I haven't posted in several pages, and thought it would be a good idea to do so >_< .

Chess, I'm glad you're alright ! Even though knife/gun defense is one of the things we practice a lot at my kung fu school, I would still be nervous in a situation like that! Speaking of, I don't know if I mentioned it here yet, so I'll do it now: a little over a week ago, I came out to one of the masters at said kung fu school. She was very supportive, and said that I can use the school as a safe place, and that she'll encourage everybody to use my chosen name (I don't know if they understand pronouns, though, and I was too nervous to request it; but they don't use pronouns very much there, anyways). It was very nice . Also, right now we're learning the Shantung black tiger style. One of the forms is called "Black Tiger Rips the Heart". How awesome is that?

Okay everybody, have a good night !


~Phoenix~

[Karen Lynn]

I'm looking forward to it, Absol.

Also, don't forget to update the link in your sig!

[Kittenwolf]

It sounds like it should involve shellfish to me. Possibly fried but at least grilled. Possibly something inbetween a crab and one of those things from Australian waters that is like a lobster but lacks the claws so it's just the tail that you can eat and people tried to sell it as lobster on the sly until they realized they could sell it for more than lobster once people got a taste for it.

At least some kind of invertebrate lifeform.

A Moreton Bay Bug?

Mmmm, tasty tasty

[Mynxae]

Only found out within a few hours ago that it's actually Monday... I thought it was Sunday. What happened to my Sunday? I literally don't remember it. At all. All I can remember is Saturday, going to sleep, then waking up this morning.

[Karen Lynn]

Magic. That is all, citizen.

Were you just tired, or what?

[Kittenwolf]

Maybe, but I'm thinking of coming out to my mother when I see her this weekend... Maybe... If something happens to lead to the topic... Possibly... >.<

Ok, yeah, I'm a coward. >.<

*Crosses fingers*
I hope all goes well, and you get to ditch one more burden hanging about your head *Hugs*

Question, what kind of voice training are you doing? I want to train mine as well and if you have a technique/link that works I would be much appreciative :)

[Mynxae]

Magic. That is all, citizen.

Were you just tired, or what?

I have no clue... But if there was a Sunday, it's completely lost in my memory.

[Axinian]

I have no clue... But if there was a Sunday, it's completely lost in my memory.

Sunday? What's that? Never heard of it

Just wanted to pop in to cuddle snuggle the new thread. Still don't post here much but I love following along

[Karen Lynn]

*Crosses fingers*
I hope all goes well, and you get to ditch one more burden hanging about your head *Hugs*

Question, what kind of voice training are you doing? I want to train mine as well and if you have a technique/link that works I would be much appreciative :)

I downloaded a few vids, and just read a lot of notes/blogs/articles/letter type things. The trick isn't making it a higher pitch, but also learning to talk from higher in the throat(or lower, if transman).

Still looking for an actual voice coach...

Decided to post it here for any other Trans-Women.
First one I listened to was Ashlee here. It's working well for me so far.

Hope this one helps you!
>.>
<.<
Wanna be voice buddies?

Edit2: Searches lead me to this, 30-Day Crash Course. I'm thinking of trying it, but it's a tad pricey.

[SiuiS]

The universe says I'm not allowed to quote I guess. The universe is a pushy jerk sometimes.

kyriarchy apparently an order of hierarchy without lateral positions. On the one hand, it's as innocuous as grading students and not letting two students hold the same place; instead of, say, one 1st place and two 3rd places, you would have to look at other variables to decide who qualifies for third. That's not bad at all. It's the same as the discussion prior on mental disorders. They aren't objectively bad, no matter how some people choose to associate them. It's not connotative at all, it's just a statement of a thing which is.

On the other hand, a founding point of a kyriarchal structure could be explained as "There is no such thing as equality. Someone is always better, or worse." and that's depressing, and being numbered and calculated is dehumanizing.


"Feminazi" the problem really, well, the one I'm going to focus on, is that it sort of trivializes an issue. If something is so much of a problem that you wish to compare that thing to a war crime, then encapsulating it in a throwaway buzzword is the worst way to go about it. As soon as you compartmentalize it, you dismiss it. Serious issues with a person can be dismissed as "Oh, that's just Barney being Barney" or other, more hurtful things glossed over like "boys will be boys" and "That's just how women are, y'know?" and suddenly you've defanged yourself. No one is going to take you seriously, which is counter productive.

If something is worth opposing, it is worth respecting. You are admitting that whatever it is, is a real force for change and not something you can sit idly by while it works. This means, by the nature of having to interpose yourself, you consider it worth effort equal to yourself. And you respect yourself, right? Hard core feminists who seem to have misappropriated the label for misandry and intolerance are worth addressing as a serious thing. If you are willing to tie something up in a pretty little package with a cute portmanteau, then you may as well ignore them. They are small fry, chump change, and every second you spend undoing their feminist fascism instead of providing an alternate, better worldview, is. Second you spend as a sucker. Believe me, I've been a sucker for a while now. It's not fun, it's not worth it.

Why? Because by opposing something you legitimize it. When someone accuses you of something, your response shapes the accuracy of their words. If you walk into work and your boss says "Why did you not do [thing you've done]" you don't explain why you didn't do it, because you did! You don't want to give the impression that the false impression is actually valid. So when someone says something completely unreasonable, you need to address that it's unreasonable but not give a point-by-point comparison unprompted, ecause then you've engaged in debate, and now the crowd thinks either they are as right a you, or you are as wrong as them.

And let's face it. No one goes into those fights to combine th other paty. Thu decry them and away the audience.


Coming out it's tough. I'm not entirely secretive about t but I am coy, so the only people who know are; this thread, two people no in this thread on this forum, my girlfriend, and her best friend. This thread has been receptive, despite my occasional hoof-in-mouth or just plain backwards notions. The two people are rather no judgmental, luckily, and I hear one of them recently went from gender fluid to transsexual themselves which seems to be a thing we do. My filly is... Still adapting. It's a difficult thing, especially since I don't have any answers and try to be cautious to avoid judgement (probably not helping our relationship any). Her friend knows because it kinda slipped out when we had a fight and she had no idea how to cope with being mad at me and also process something this life-altering. The friend knew me in my youth, so probably took my threat to firebomb her and everything she ever loved as more of a promise and has kept her mouth shut.

I feel like such a horrible human being that I can say someone is afraid of me and mean it >_<

The biggest hurdles are ones of surety. "How do you know?" "You have a penis, hence male. Sorry." and a general sort of discomfort. Discomfort that you're forcing them to acknowledge stuff so far beyond their worldview. And that's where change back behavior comes in, negativity that magically disappears when you once again conform to how you used to be. It's hard to get past, and if people in your life turn out to do this even though they claim to be supportive, bring it up in a neutral fashion. It's reflex, and most aren't aware they do it. We humans are so habitually cruel sometimes.

Information is useful. Just... Be careful. Don't give out links willy-nilly. The biggest problem with links on transsexuality for family or significant others is, quite frankly, how piss-poor awful those bits of info are designed to make them feel. Your mother, your brother, father, sister, lover? They are going through some big changes too, and whenever they look for help or support its usually "Realising you're trans*¹^ is a beautiful thing, and so this person must be allowed and or forced along the path and your thoughts don't matter. You are insignificant and how dare you think your feelings matter during such a moment as this? You're nothing, you're lucky your hot new girlfriend-who-was-your-boyfriend doesn't dump your ass so you had better swallow all that insecurity and be understanding, dammit!" which is, quite frankly, the absolute positive worst way to handle things.

End result? Being too loose with where you sen people can actually make things worse. Much worse. So don't give your folks a link or a pamphlet an then head off. Go over it with them. Acknowledge that you're an adult and they are adults and you can use the mutual awkwardness as an icebreaker, and it would be a good time to point out which behaviors are dehumanizing despite, rather than because of, gender.

[Mono Vertigo]

*crashes the new thread*

@Chess: high-five for winning the fight and managing to not even get injured.
And good luck for finding the money for a new computer. I'm seconding the proposition to sell the asshat's knife and pants.