Things I'm No Longer Allowed to Do While Gaming Reloaded

[Keinnicht]

Since the other one got locked on the grounds of thread necromancy, I figured I'd start a new one, because these are always entertaining (Sorry if this is against the rules, I didn't see anything about it, so I assumed it wasn't.)

Dark Ages Mage:

-No matter how grim the situation is, my escape plan may not involve using magic to destroy the barrier between the living world and the afterlife.

-I will refrain from melting the City Of Brass.

Dark Ages Vampire:

-The solution to being lost is not "burn the forest down so I can see where I'm going.

-The solution to being attacked in a bar is not to throw a fireball the size of a large house at the one person attacking me.

-I will not use a fireball the size of a large house as a light source.

-On a related note, I am never allowed to play a character who can throw fireballs again.

Dungeons and Dragons:

-No matter how well I rolled, it is not possible to sunder an entire castle with one blow, even if I am epic level.

-If my epic level Frenzied Berserker falls four miles, he's dead no matter what Deathless Frenzy says.

-For that matter, I am never allowed to play an epic level Frenzied Berserker/War Hulk again.

-I am not allowed to have the cleric cast speak with dead just so I can insult the person I just killed.

Shadowrun:

-Monofilament wire is not to be used to turn dead bodies into marionettes. Especially when the purpose of those marionettes is to fool the police into thinking that the person is alive. Especially not when the person died from being hit with a sword and shot with a flamethrower.

-Upon jumping out the window of an exploding building into a crowded street full of gawking witnesses, the correct response is not to yell "THAT WAS THE BEST CONCERT EVER!"

[Blue Ghost]

May I direct you to this thread, in SMBG?

[sengmeng]

My battle cry is not allowed to be "Talking is a free action!"

[Traveler]

I am no longer allowed to talk the bard into doing very bad things.

I am also no longer allowed to convince the bard it was his idea.

[Tjarnet]

-When an NPC is witholding information from me, I am not allowed to kill his family.

-When a misguided person is defeated by me and begs for mercy, I am not allowed to kill him and laugh at his face.

-When I am forced by the other players and the DM to be a lawful good character in order to curb my homicidal tendencies, I am not allowed to murder random commoners and cite my reason as, "They were sinners"

[Hiro Protagonest]

May I direct you to this thread, in SMBG?

I linked that in the old thread, but it's probably a good idea to repost here.

[Tjarnet]

As a cleric, I am not allowed to claim Chuck Norris or Mr. T as my deity.

[Hiro Protagonest]

As a cleric, I am not allowed to claim Chuck Norris or Mr. T as my deity.

Or O-chul.

[Axinian]

Or O-chul.

What would be the granted power of the O-Chul domain anyway?

I am no longer allowed to befriend liches. It never ends well for the other party members.

[Lemonus]

I may not play a barbarian. If I do, he may not rage the moment I enter a town

[Hiro Protagonest]

What would be the granted power of the O-Chul domain anyway?

He's a god, not a domain.

His domains are epic, pun-pun, awesome, law, and good.

[Gadora]

If the party's starship has lost a stabilizer and I am playing a droid mechanic, welding myself to the hull and making balance checks does not count as fixing the ship.

[Lemonus]

He's a god, not a domain.

His domains are epic, pun-pun, awesome, law, and good.

Also:

Win, Not Lawful Stupid.

[Axinian]

He's a god, not a domain.

His domains are epic, pun-pun, awesome, law, and good.

But surely he's awesome enough to have one of his own? Chuck Norris does, it grants the power to do awesome roundhouse kicks.

[Warlawk]

May I direct you to this thread, in SMBG?

Some people have no interest in that forum and would never see this thread if it was strictly posted there. Me for instance. I had never been in that forum or even more than vaguely aware of its existence before you linked it. Even knowing it exists I wouldn't go there, and hence miss this thread.

[Merellis]

- I am no longer allowed to play a raging druid.
- I am not allowed to abuse grapple, or a horde of angels will pull me off and kill me.
- I am definitly no longer allowed to combine the two above and toss in frenzied beserker.
- And I cannot ever invade the heavens again.
- I am no longer allowed to bite the princess' head off.

[Traab]

Preemptively decapitating the merchants plucky young assistant, "So he wont turn into a sith lord someday" is not acceptable.

I have to stop killing every npc I meet just because he has a goatee.

Especially when its the kings adviser.

I should at least have some proof BEFORE killing him, so he doesnt have his guards kill us all.

Apparently, kings frown on you seducing their queen in front of them.

No, my charisma ISNT high enough to pull it off with no hard feelings.

No, my diplomacy roll wont change that.

Neither will bluff, "I was just checking her tonsils for infection!"

[Zanatos777]

Dungeons and Dragons:

-No matter how well I rolled, it is not possible to sunder an entire castle with one blow, even if I am epic level.

-If my epic level Frenzied Berserker falls four miles, he's dead no matter what Deathless Frenzy says.

-For that matter, I am never allowed to play an epic level Frenzied Berserker/War Hulk again.

-I am not allowed to have the cleric cast speak with dead just so I can insult the person I just killed.

Actually these sound like things you should be able to do. Especially at epic levels.

[Marillion]

From 7th Sea:

The Vesten sympathetic healer is not allowed to carry a bag of live rats.

Using your sympathetic healer powers to transfer 5 dramatic wounds to a rat does not cause it to explode.

Showering the enemy in bits of rodent does not give a bonus to Intimidate.

The Porte mage is not allowed to use a cannon with his Bring ability.

Nor is he allowed to have a cannon in his Pocket.

It is not a "fine tradition" to be chased out of every single port you ever stop in.

Do not drink anything a Vodacce man gives you. Ever.
-Not even if he drinks some first. Especially if he drinks some first.

Glamour mages are not allowed to walk into L'Empereur's courtroom, activate Stone Knight, and then talk smack to him and the Musketeers while they try (and fail) to kill you for 12 hours.
-You ARE, however, allowed to do that to Giovanni Villanova. Do so at your own peril.

Glamour mages, after dropping dead when Stone Knight wears off, are not allowed to use Mad Jack to bring themselves back to life, walk into
L'Empereur's courtroom, and do the same goddamn thing the next day.

You cannot tie the laces on The O'Bannon's 7 League Striders together.

You may not play a "redneck Highlander".

Yes, improvised weapons break when you roll a 10 for damage. No, beating someone with a safe until you roll a 10 does not open the safe.

Faking death is sometimes a viable method of escaping trouble. However, the person whose death you are faking would appreciate it if you let them in on your plan.

[Alleran]

* I am not allowed to shout "MAXIMISE!" when Wild Shaping my Warforged Druid.

* I am not allowed to shout "TRANSFORM!" when my wizard turns himself into a Warforged Titan.

* I am no longer allowed to play a Cleric of Kamina, for fear of making the other players look effeminate.

[Kansaschaser]

If the party's starship has lost a stabilizer and I am playing a droid mechanic, welding myself to the hull and making balance checks does not count as fixing the ship.

OMG! I can't stop laughing at that! That's freakin' awesome!


What I'm not allowed to do:

-I am no longer allowed to weild the dead monk as an improvised weapon.

-I am no longer allowed to use Shrink Item to take every mechanical trap out of the dungeon and then sell them.

-I am no longer allowed to cast "Detect Evil" as a Wizard by using Purify Spell on Magic Missile and see who takes damage.

[Zanatos777]

I am no longer allowed to capture Immaculate Monks like Pokemon (solely) to assembly my own Power Ranger group

Also with some DMs I am not permitted to play spellcasters.

[John Campbell]

Actually these sound like things you should be able to do. Especially at epic levels.

Heck, my 10th level ranger/barbarian has reached the point that, at full health, I'm guaranteed to survive a four-mile fall, assuming I don't nat-1 the massive damage save (which we don't use anyway). Falling damage caps at 20d6, which is only 70 points on average and 120 max, and I've got 116 HP when not raging. If I rage, it can't even drop me, though it's just barely possible that I'd need healing to keep me from passing out when my rage and Orc Ferocity run out.

[Douglas]

Heck, actual real-life people have survived falls of multiple miles, and a 20th level barbarian is enormously tougher than the toughest real-life human who ever lived. 4 miles for an epic Frenzied Berserker? Piece of cake. It'll hurt enough to notice, but he really should be able to just get up and walk away.

[Another_Poet]

-If my epic level Frenzied Berserker falls four miles, he's dead no matter what Deathless Frenzy says.

This one seems wrong to me. Falling four miles isn't any worse than falling a few thousand feet because terminal velocity kicks in. And actually in D&D, falling damage is capped at 200 feet or 20d6. Your epic Frenzied Berserker should be able to soak 20d6 (avg. damage 70).

edit: soooo ninja'd.

[John Campbell]

One of the guys I game with actually used to be a paratrooper, and had his chute collapse on him in a training jump once, high enough that he really needed a parachute, but low enough that he didn't have time to cut the collapsed chute loose and deploy the reserve. It wasn't a complete free-fall, because he was still getting some drag from the collapsed chute, but it was still a fall of more than 100' onto hard-baked clay. He did his emergency landing properly - proven by the fact that he broke every one of the impact points - and not only survived, but got up, secured his chute, and walked to the aid station. Or so he's told... he doesn't actually remember anything between the chute collapse and waking up in the hospital afterwards. He walks with a noticable limp these days, because one of his legs is an inch shorter than the other now, but he's still alive and kicking.

[Kansaschaser]

Other things I'm not allowed to do:

- I'm not allowed to use "personal massagers" as an improvised weapon if I play a Drunken Master.

- I especially can't "sheath" my "personal massagers" anwhere it seems appropriate.

- Nor am I allowed to use pies as an improvised weapon.

- Nor am I allowed to use any body part of any fallen victim as an improvised weapon. (tried this with a werewolfs claws on his werewolf buddies to bypass the damage reduction.)

- I cannot tie up the bad guy with his slain friends entrails.

[Psyborg]

- I may not spend my downtime buying sacks, oil, and alchemist's fire, putting 19 flasks of oil and 1 alchemist's fire in each sack, and placing the sacks in my Heward's Handy Haversack for easy access to use as improvised thrown ammunition dealing 20d6 Fire damage on hit.
-- Particularly if being a halfling bard with maxed-out Inspire Courage means I can actually give myself enough of a to-hit bonus to actually hit things with them on a consistent basis.

[zenon]

No one in my group is allowed to wield other partymembers, who will be wielding greatswords at the same time.

[Just_Ice]

>No longer allowed to play characters that are pathological liars

>No longer allowed to poison alchohol, drink from it and then offer it to rest of party

>No longer permitted to create characters that hold weapons bigger than themselves

>Cannot beseige castles by summoning bison 100 feet above them as artillery

>No longer able to salvage iron golems using wire

>No more mentioning "The Wire Conspiracy"

>I won't attempt to stop cannonballs with my body anymore, even if I can succeed (and do)

>No throwing oversized spiked gauntlets and yelling "ROCKETO PANCH"

>My robots no longer permitted missle batteries, especially not for use in slowing aerial descent

>Cannot wield fighter jets

>No longer allowed to kill the lich on the grappling hook using falling rules just because the DM forgot to give him fly

>"throw anything" and diamonds are right out

>unarmed is bad in 4E for a reason

>Cannot be Clint Eastwood as a dwarf

>Cannot circumnavigate "dried up water" plot by simply heading down the well

>Cannot kill teammates, even if they struggle to do so to me for ten gold while I climb an icy cliff

> Cannot eat halflings and gnomes or can them in any way

>I won't kill anyone with a hang glider ever again

>No more setting myself on fire as an attack

>Especially on a hang glider

>I will not ignore my only decent weapon and use its sheath as a spyglass, ladder handle and doorstop instead

>Have to fight myself, can't let my horse do all the work

>Cannot pretend to die every other round

>We will never talk of "firecicles" ever again

>No abusing fly to chill in the spike pit while everyone else fights

>TWF with clubs when you have negative strength mod is right out

>Do not put caltrops in the shoes of all of the enemy soldiers

>Do not ride horses out of second story buildings

>Horses cannot run with three legs, even with a crit ride check

>No longer allowed to use disguise or bluff for any reason

>Not allowed to make fake signs, knowing that cartography is poor in Feudal Japan

>Not allowed to use "discern North" to look for the movie by the same name, even if I know the campaign is secretly a post-apocalyptic setting

>No shining finger references

>No robot horses driven by horses, either

>Stop tumbling out of combat

>Cannot tip minecart mimics

>Otyughs are not distracted by schoolgirls

>No wielding more than two axes

>Must have at least one limb

>earthquakes should be used responsibly

>Maxwell is just banned

>Flare Jordan, Serf of THE FUTURE is banned

>No more killing the party for treating you as a medkit

>references to inazuma kick will cause instant death to character

>All wrestler characters are out

>no more use of chains

>Cannot knock out displacer beast one-on-one using embarassingly simple trap

>Cannot sell trap design as collar

>Cannot kill fairy companion with spring-loaded fly-swatter

>Should not use explosives for any reason

>No Beatles themed characters, especially if they're not even bards

>Revolver stake is not appropriate to black-ops mission

>Tactical nukes cannot be disguised/used as coat rack

>No more campaigns that are thinly veiled re-imaginings of Super Mario Brothers' 1-1, even if the players don't get it

>No more Destronians

>Hokkaido is no longer allowed at the table. Even though it was one campaign.

>Cannot get villain's phone number and text him fake advertisements

>Cannot make a character based off of Morshu, even if Lamp Oil, Rope and Bombs are all readily availible to Pathfinder's Alchemist class

>What is a tonfa carbine anyways

>No riding BBEG's shoulders, even if they are standing in a pool of acid

>Not allowed to make fun of every enemy I come across and make the DM cry

>Not allowed to meet gods while wearing groucho glasses