Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then

[razorfloss]

*Yes Minister is not appropriate source material for Dresden Files. Therefore, though I may start as the Cabinet Secretary, this does not mean I actually rule Britain, and I am not to take that as a challenge.
** On second thoughts, I may not start as the Cabinet Secretary.
*** No matter how high my resources check, I control neither NATO, the EU, nor the Milk Marketing Board.
**** I will not introduce myself via bombardment from high orbit, unless I am playing Rogue Trader.
***** Nor will I nuke the Wild Hunt just to prove a point.
****** Nuking Maeve, however, is both acceptable and encouraged.

so why did you nuke the wildhut and what their response

[Rater202]

*I may not attempt to join the Justice League just to get Superman's DNA.
**Seriously, they have an age limit.
***And only accept permanent residents of the DC Universe.
****No, adding Green Martian and Atlantian to my "DNA gather list does not count as finding a better reason to join.

[Ksheep]

* I may not use Mage Hand to pick up and fire a ranged weapon
** Especially if the weapon's kickback delivers more than 5 pounds of force
*** Doubly so if the weapon is fully automatic
**** I should not be surprised when the machine gun starts spray wildly in all directions after dropping out of my control

[DigoDragon]

** Especially if the weapon's kickback delivers more than 5 pounds of force

*** Banned from Googling the recoil force of available weapons to find whatever comes closest to 4.99 pounds of force.

[Excession]

**** I should not be surprised when the gun starts spray wildly in all directions after dropping out of my control

***** May not use this as a grenade substitute when actual grenades are banned.

[Ferreon]

***** May not use this as a grenade substitute when actual grenades are banned.

****** Even if I can state with total accuracy, including references to specific battles, that this has in fact been done in real life.

[DigoDragon]

****** Even if I can state with total accuracy, including references to specific battles, that this has in fact been done in real life.

Well that's scarier than the scene in True Lies.

[Wookieetank]

*When tempted to restart multi-thread running gags, must take a 20 on my will check.

[Milodiah]

****** Even if I can state with total accuracy, including references to specific battles, that this has in fact been done in real life.

*******Not allowed anywhere near lower-quality Sten sub-machine guns. Ever.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

so why did you nuke the wildhut and what their response

I went for the Ripley solution to announce to the supernatural world (having got 15 on a resources check where 8 is listed as high enough to buy out a major corporation, and thus making the Cabinet Secretary the de facto ruler of not only the UK, but pretty much the entire first world) that mortal governments were about to get involved, and that they would break my laws at their extreme peril. Our group was currently dealing with the problem of the Wild Hunt being about to get their hunt on in Vegas - but they would be exiting the Nevernever in a desolate area of the Mojave, ripe for nuking.

I don't know what happened next, because (after the party stopped laughing) the Gatekeeper erased the Cabinet Secretary from the timestream, and I made a new character with no points in resources.

[aspekt]

*I may only make a Rakshasa bard again if I promise not to sing 'Eye of the Tiger' every time the party enters combat.

[IZ42]

*I may only make a Rakshasa bard again if I promise not to sing 'Eye of the Tiger' every time the party enters combat.

The sad thing here is I can(slightly) relate. I recently made a Beastbrood Gunslinger(Mysterious Stranger)//Bard with ranks in Perform(Comedy, specifically puns and wordplay). Its great.

[aspekt]

The sad thing here is I can(slightly) relate. I recently made a Beastbrood Gunslinger(Mysterious Stranger)//Bard with ranks in Perform(Comedy, specifically puns and wordplay). Its great.

Ha! That sounds great.

Revenge would be in the monster campaign making a troll bard and using the Trolololol song.

[GPuzzle]

*If the game slowly descends into becoming FLCL, I tell the GM that he should drop the GM facade, otherwise the audience will think he's genuinely a GM.

[Hyena]

* My noble prince character, seeking to take his throne back from the usurper, is called Prince Donald the Just. He is not, in fact, "Don the Crown".

If you understood the reference, I've got bad news for you. Also, this strip became inspiration for my new campaign's plot.

[razorfloss]

from warhammer
i may no longer play a psyker
i may not roll my own dice when playing a psyker
i am not to be surprised that when i mention i want to play a psyker everybody at the table shakes in fear
i am banned form ever mentioning the word psyker ever again

[Rater202]

*When arriving at the center of the Imperial City with Intent to declare war on the realm, may not do so by activating both Devil Tyrant Shintei and Demon Emperor Shintai while the Solar, Lunar, and Abyssal Flare their Animas to totemic levels and the Sid and Dragonblooded flare their Animas to the equivalent levels
**May not then use a costume upgrade to the infernal demon summoning Charm to summon 8 Third Circle Demons and 56 Second Circle Demons directly into the city before the Immaculates can get there.

[GPuzzle]

*If the BBEG claims it will "stop every major service", I may not start saying: "ZA WARUDO! TOKI WA TOMARE! WRYYYYYYYYYY!" to prove my point that he won't.

[Need_A_Life]

Hopefully a premonition for tomorrow.

x+1) I may no longer use supernatural powers to solve my mundane problems. There is, in fact, such a thing as over-kill.
X+2) I may no longer use supernatural powers to complicate my mundane problems.
X+3) I may no longer end up in a PC v. PC battle on a rooftop during a thunderstorm.
X+4) I may no longer have a higher PC bodycount than the BBEG.
X+5) I may no longer make the BBEG seem quite reasonable in comparison to myself.
X+6) I may no longer inspire the GM to use former PCs for the next campaign's BBEG.
X+7) ... even if he has to tone them down, because he can't do my brand of "petty, over-kill evil."


And some from an old FR campaign.
X+8) The paladin cannot be wilfully ignorant and oblivious to his obviously evil team members.
X+9) The paladin cannot buy "hey, he wasn't using it!" as a justification for zombifying someone's corpse.
X+10) My necromancer cleric cannot keep putting people ill at ease by promising that he'll "bring back" whoever falls in combat without specifying what spell he's going to use.
X+11) The necromancer can, however, try to bull**** anyone who doesn't have Spellcraft as to whether they can understand his magi-babble to recognize the spell he's describing.
X+12) When saying "well, it'll bring you back, almost as good as new," I should elaborate on whether I'm talking Raise Dead or Create Undead.
X+13) When playing a necromancer cleric, should not insist on asking party members whether they try to resist the spell I'm casting on them (hey, cure spells offer a save to anyone who tries to resist) just to set up that one time where they don't try to resist Slay Living.
X+14) When the fighter dies, cannot use Speak With Dead just to convince him to let me reanimate him as a ghoul instead of raising him, because "otherwise it'll have to wait until tomorrow and I've got a court date then, so..."
X+15) Should not research "Contingent Create Greater Undead Self."
X+16) If the reason I kill other necromancers is mostly over "artistic differences" the paladin really should say something.

[goto124]

X+4) I may no longer have a higher PC bodycount than the BBEG.

X+? May not get 10+ PCs killed in a single campaign

And I'm seriously curious what sort of game you're playing that allows THAT much PC killing.

[DigoDragon]

And I'm seriously curious what sort of game you're playing that allows THAT much PC killing.

Paranoia is the only one I'm familiar with.

[GPuzzle]

Paranoia is the only one I'm familiar with.

Paranoia: you can get killed by doors made of cheese!

[goto124]

Paranoia: you can get killed by doors made of cheese!

* I may no longer have players fight killer cheese zombie doors.

[dramatic flare]

Paranoia: you can get killed by doors made of cheese!

**Paranoia: DOA is the standard method of arriving to the briefing room, but not the crematorium.

[Milodiah]

**Paranoia: DOA is the standard method of arriving to the briefing room, but not the crematorium.

Paranoia: Where your weapon's blast radius is very likely to be wider than its maximum range.

[Ksheep]

* I may not call my half-human, half-horse cleric the Centaur for Disease Control

[Hyena]

* I'm playing a blaster caster.
** It means "sorcerer".
*** It does not mean "Han Solo".
**** May not refer to winning initiative as "shooting first".

[Anonymouswizard]

* I may not replace the gaming snacks with Brussel Sprouts.

[DigoDragon]

* I may not call my half-human, half-horse cleric the Centaur for Disease Control

Bravo. *applauds*

[Ksheep]

Bravo. *applauds*

Unfortunately, I cannot take credit for that. I merely saw it on the "Out of Context D&D Quotes" Tumblr and decided to share.