Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then

[Rater202]

*******I am absolutely never to do this if the players think this is a d&d 3.5 game.

********I'll get shot from orbit if I do this in Ponies & Parasprites

[Milodiah]

*Not allowed to preserve the "surprise" of Call of Cthulhu by falsely convincing them we're just using the system/character sheets and not the Mythos part.
**Cannot dramatically reveal that we ARE playing Call of Cthulhu by having the players simultaneously remove the tape concealing the Cthulhu Mythos skill.
***No longer allowed to twirl my mustache and deliver an evil laugh while doing so.
****Especially since my mustache isn't actually thick enough to properly twirl.
*****Cannot wear a false mustache all session for the express purpose of twirling it during the reveal.
******Not allowed to lull them into a false sense of security by playing a generic fantasy/scifi/western/etc RPG, then suddenly spring the Mythos on them.
*******Should not be surprised if my players no longer believe we're playing anything BUT Call of Cthulhu.

[Anonymouswizard]

*Not allowed to preserve the "surprise" of Call of Cthulhu by falsely convincing them we're just using the system/character sheets and not the Mythos part.
**Cannot dramatically reveal that we ARE playing Call of Cthulhu by having the players simultaneously remove the tape concealing the Cthulhu Mythos skill.
***No longer allowed to twirl my mustache and deliver an evil laugh while doing so.
****Especially since my mustache isn't actually thick enough to properly twirl.
*****Cannot wear a false mustache all session for the express purpose of twirling it during the reveal.
******Not allowed to lull them into a false sense of security by playing a generic fantasy/scifi/western/etc RPG, then suddenly spring the Mythos on them.
*******Should not be surprised if my players no longer believe we're playing anything BUT Call of Cthulhu.

********Cannot, at this point, pull outExalted and play it straight.
*********Cthulhu cannot beat a circle of solars.

[Adrastos42]

********I'll get shot from orbit if I do this in Ponies & Parasprites

*********Incidentally, I may not have my Deathwatch RPG start with the players all meeting in a tavern.
**********Ok, unless they all picked Space Wolves.

[Rater202]

*In a Freeform mega crossover campaign, when one of the PCs somehow manages to become a Night Guard at Freddy Fazebear's Pizza, he is not allowed to reprogram the bots to sing the Power Rangers theme song.
**Nor can he let in one of the Other PCs to do it for him.
***Five PCs can not comfortably fit in that one room.
****Not even if half of them use their Omnitrices to turn into smaller forms.
*****Letting Jury Rig near haunted animatronics is a very bad Idea.
******Great, now they've been combined into a haunted miniature Voltron, happy know?
*******This does not look like a job for Superman!
********Not allowed to call my Kryptonian form Superman.
*********Not allowed to ask the GM what any of this has to do with collecting the DNA of sentient Species.
**********May not throw the book at the GM when the animatrons turn out to be clockwork droids haunted by specters born from the fear and rage of the children murdered to provide their organics.
***********We are to wait until after we destroy the haunted clockwork droid voltron and then safely exited the building before we torch the place.

I swear to God, I'm not making that up.

[Hyena]

* If my bard ever faces off another bard in combat, not allowed to do a rap battle.

[Hiro Protagonest]

* If my bard ever faces off another bard in combat, not allowed to do a rap battle.

**Or a yo momma joke battle
***Depending on the game, a rock battle may or may not be allowed

[Doorhandle]

*Not allowed to preserve the "surprise" of Call of Cthulhu by falsely convincing them we're just using the system/character sheets and not the Mythos part.
**Cannot dramatically reveal that we ARE playing Call of Cthulhu by having the players simultaneously remove the tape concealing the Cthulhu Mythos skill.
***No longer allowed to twirl my mustache and deliver an evil laugh while doing so.
****Especially since my mustache isn't actually thick enough to properly twirl.
*****Cannot wear a false mustache all session for the express purpose of twirling it during the reveal.
******Not allowed to lull them into a false sense of security by playing a generic fantasy/scifi/western/etc RPG, then suddenly spring the Mythos on them.
*******Should not be surprised if my players no longer believe we're playing anything BUT Call of Cthulhu.

*x infinity: not to run a Call of c'thuhu game without a single mythos monster, in order to crush my players under the weight of their paranoia.

[Rater202]

*I am to remember that there are better solutions to most of my problems then "turn into a dragon".
**Those other solutions are not "turn into a hyper evolved dragon bred for War"
***The fact that I have 22 other forms is somehow relevant to this discussion.

[braveheart]

**Or a yo momma joke battle
***Depending on the game, a rock battle may or may not be allowed

***when in a yo momma joke battle with a troll telling an awesome joke then saying that he just got burned does in fact negate his damage reduction

[DigoDragon]

No longer allowed to shake the captain's hand before wiping the blood off mine.

[GorinichSerpant]

* In a game of Mutants and Masterminds 3e, I'm banning time travel.

** No, freezing time is not allowed either.

*** Time machines are straight out

**** You cannot travel back in time to bypass these rules. That doesn't make ANY sense whatsoever.

*****Powers that allow your character to hop into our dimension where they can time travel back to prevent this ban is banned.

******I'm not sure, but evidence points to time-travel being banned in this world as well.

*******Dimension travel as well for that manner.

********If this were to succeed, then we'd be having bigger problems right now.

[Kato]

*I may not demand from my players to play Cthulhu in the dark to create more atmosphere. (Except a small flash light to see their dice)
** No, it's not a valid excuse that their characters are also in complete darkness in the catacombs of Paris.
*** No, using scary sound effects and turning the light completely off when I feel like it isn't okay either.

[Oneris]

*My professor's battle cry cannot be "Tenure!"

[Anonymouswizard]

* I may no longer play gay characters just for immunity against Beautiful women.
** A vow of chastity does not give me immunity against beautiful women.
*** Beautiful woman is not the same word as succubus.

[Wookieetank]

*May not play a grumpy old Druid with the battlecry of, "Get off my lawn!"
*Grumbling about kids these days is a bit of a stretch when you're one of them.

[cesius]

* Present the plan to kill all elves named Balthar as a good thing because, "They're Sarah Conner and it's like Terminator!"

[Justin Sane]

So, I ran the intro story for Promethean: the Created. Things got weird.

My players:
*"Pornstar" isn't a good concept for a PtC character, even if using Autonomic Control (which does exactly what it says on the tin) does allow you to ejaculate on command.
**May not use Autonomic Control to orgasm in order to lubricate the restraints in which you are held.
***May not clarify you weren't trying to get sweaty, but to aim where your ejaculation landed.
****If your course of action makes the ST call for a 5-minute break to procure some brain-bleach, you should reconsider your action.

Myself:
*May not have the sadistic Ulgan be possessed by a pain-spirit.
**May not be surprised when said Ulgan thinks said possession to be highly beneficial.
**May not have said possessed Ulgan manifest needle-like claws (ala Lust, from Fullmetal Alchemist).
***May not have the pain-spirit command him to insert said claws on the back of the head of one of the villains.
****May not rule said claws go in the back of the head and come out through his eye, while leaving him alive.
*****I am to be held responsible if some players have nightmares about said scene.
*I may not present the BBEG in a way that makes half the party want to join him.

[Bucky]

*I may not boast at the start of a campaign that my character has crit every attack he's ever made.
**Not even if it's trivially true because I've never used the character before.
***I may not make a similar boast at the start of the third session.
****It'd be a much more impressive claim if my character ever actually attempted to hit things. So shut up.

[Cazero]

*I may not boast at the start of a campaign that my character has crit every attack he's ever made.
**Not even if it's trivially true because I've never used the character before.
***I may not make a similar boast at the start of the third session.
****It'd be a much more impressive claim if my character ever actually attempted to hit things. So shut up.

*****Still not allowed to boast if my 100% crit rate is based on exactly one attack in a lifetime.

[DigoDragon]

* I am no longer allowed to talk smack to the murder-death-bots attacking my team.
** Specifically banned from talking smack in Spanish to the murder-death-bots.
*** Not allowed to confuse the GM as to why a zebra is cursing out robots in Spanish.

[Rater202]

*After burning down the haunted pizzeria we were hired to guard, and the owners call the cops on us after we destroyed the evidence that it was haunted, I'm not to convince the cops to leave by turning into a Green Martian and threatening them with "The Probe".
**I'm not allowed to turn into Fixit(Jury Rig) for the sake of building guns in the basement.
***The fact that I'm in two completely unrelated games playing as a preteen that builds functional firearms in his basement says an awful lot about me, doesn't it?

[Silus]

*As DM, I am not allowed to use the Amalgam template for Pathfinder under any circumstances.
**I may also no longer listen to "No Strings on Me" from the Age of Ultron trailer when looking at templates.
***Amagamizing an Annihilator Robot and an Adult Red Dragon and putting an evil AI at the helm will get books thrown at me.
****No, giving it paraphrased Ultron dialogue doesn't help, it'll only just cause more stuff to be thrown at me.
*****Doing it in a voice that's a combination of Ultron and Smaug doesn't help either.

[Rater202]

*May not play a Lunar just so I can turn into a T-Rex

[ChaosArchon]

*May not play a Lunar just so I can turn into a T-Rex

**nor is it ok to play a Lunar just to turn into a ladybug, fly into people's stomachs, then turn into a furnace rhino. that's just rude
***neither is it a good idea to eat a mouse of the sun so you can play pranks on Solars. the UCS is very fond of those mice and will smite you

[goto124]

***neither is it a good idea to eat a mouse of the sun so you can play pranks on Solars. the UCS is very fond of those mice and will smite you

**** May not start a Holy Trinity of the Mice.
***** Not, not even if it has computer mice as members.
****** What the heavens are holy computers anyway?

[Wookieetank]

****** What the heavens are holy computers anyway?

Ones with holes in them obviously.

[GPuzzle]

*If the game becomes Shin Megami Tensei x Fire Emblem before that game is out yet, let's just play Smash 4, taking a shot for every swear we say.
**It can't become Neon Genesis Evangelion x Fire Emblem x Doctor Who x Looper x Saving Private Ryan either.
***How did we started with a dungeon crawl and ended up in Stalingrad anyway?

[Godie1803]

*I may no longer name my bard Johnny B. Goode
**Specially if the "B" stands for Bonham
***Specially if it look like Robert Plant

[DigoDragon]

*How did we started with a dungeon crawl and ended up in Stalingrad anyway?

Maybe the party was too much in a hurry for a 'crawl'. After all, isn't everyone rushin' in Stalingrad?