LGBTAitp 29: the Rainbow Outreach Program

[Mynxae]

:smallsmile::smalltongue::smallbiggrin: Happy holidays to all, and to all a good night! :smallsmile::smalltongue::smallbiggrin:

[KenderWizard]

Another flying visit (I'm still making presents!!)



Eh, I should probably clarify a bit more:

So, it's about 350ish euros for storing it for three years and the initial lab work. That's a manageable payment for me but still quite a bit. I'd also be able to get an appointment in about a weeks time which means I wouldn't have to wait too long. Things holding me back are the fact that I don't really think it's important that my possible kids share a blood tie with me. (Not to mention that if I end up wanting kids with another woman a cis lesbian couple wouldn't have this option either.) I'm afraid though that adoption might be really hard for a trans* and possibly queer couple. :/ (I know that those aren't the only options though.) And there's also the fact that my parents have a fiat on my bank account and would probably be able to see me making the payment and ask a bunch of annoying questions.

Also, no prescriptions yet. :/ I called my endo yesterday though and they said that the letter had been sent the day before so hopefully it'll be here soon.

Go for it. 350 is expensive but worth it, I think, if you're torn and if you do want kids. Think of it as like [calculator] 32 cent a day! I think it's always worth keeping options open for longer, for these big important things, like having kids.


Just had another conversation withthe hr manager. Turns out girls are allowed to wear nail varnish but I'm not. His excuse is that I interviewed as a male, so if I turn up wearing nail varnish or presenting female or whatever I'm not the same person that he interviewed and I'd need to do anothe interview. I'm gonna read up on the appropriate laws and confront him in Jan, because that's ridiculous.

Yeah, I call bull**** on that! So if I interviewed wearing make up and nail varnish, and then showed up to work without, AM I THE SAME PERSON?! #existentialcrisis

Happy Christmas, everyone! Or other good wishes as appropriate!

[Astrella]

Go for it. 350 is expensive but worth it, I think, if you're torn and if you do want kids. Think of it as like [calculator] 32 cent a day! I think it's always worth keeping options open for longer, for these big important things, like having kids.

Hm hm. It's also just, my parents can see what I do with my bank account, so they'd notice a big payment like that....

-----

Happy holidays everyone~

[Heliomance]

You're over 18, why on earth can your parents see your bank account? Open a new one, seriously.

[KenderWizard]

Hm hm. It's also just, my parents can see what I do with my bank account, so they'd notice a big payment like that....


Oh yeah, I forgot that bit. ... What age are you? Why can other people look at your bank account? My parents couldn't even see into the little savings account I got to put my Communion money in when I was 5 years old, they certainly couldn't see into my current account, even though when I set it up at 18 years old, I was still 100% dependent on them. I don't mean to pry, but maybe it's time to sever that connection, genetic-material-freezing or not! (Also, there's more than one reason to freeze stuff, you can just say it's important to you.)

[Astrella]

You're over 18, why on earth can your parents see your bank account? Open a new one, seriously.

They talked me into giving them overview of it in case something happened to me. And opening a new one wouldn't really help, I'd still need to get the money of my existing one. :/ It's also something that could cause even more fighting at home and there's already been so much of it recently...

Edit: I'm 22. Yes, I know it sounds pathetic. :/

[Coidzor]

They talked me into giving them overview of it in case something happened to me. And opening a new one wouldn't really help, I'd still need to get the money of my existing one. :/ It's also something that could cause even more fighting at home and there's already been so much of it recently...

Edit: I'm 22. Yes, I know it sounds pathetic. :/


Well, at least since it's something that even people who are so heteronormative it hurts can realize is a mistake whatever fighting this caused wouldn't risk bringing anything out you didn't want them knowing yet/ever.

But really, for your own good, you're really going to have to bite that bullet sooner or later, you can't just let yourself get bullied by your parents for the rest of your time on earth together.

[KenderWizard]

They talked me into giving them overview of it in case something happened to me. And opening a new one wouldn't really help, I'd still need to get the money of my existing one. :/ It's also something that could cause even more fighting at home and there's already been so much of it recently...

Edit: I'm 22. Yes, I know it sounds pathetic. :/

Mmh, that's tough. Maybe there's a way to put them in as next-of-kin, so they can make the decisions if you were incapacitated, but that doesn't involve them poring over your every spending decision? Again, even if my parents were able to access my account, I bet they wouldn't bother unless they had to. It kinda sounds like your parents need to let go a little.

[Rawhide]

They talked me into giving them overview of it in case something happened to me. And opening a new one wouldn't really help, I'd still need to get the money of my existing one. :/ It's also something that could cause even more fighting at home and there's already been so much of it recently...

Edit: I'm 22. Yes, I know it sounds pathetic. :/

I... What? Seriously?

If something happens to you they will automatically get overview of it, no reason they need it now.

[monkyman640]

They talked me into giving them overview of it in case something happened to me. And opening a new one wouldn't really help, I'd still need to get the money of my existing one. :/ It's also something that could cause even more fighting at home and there's already been so much of it recently...

Edit: I'm 22. Yes, I know it sounds pathetic. :/

Well, I'm 19 and my parents have acess to my account to easily move money in/out of it. They don't look at my evry spending decision though...

[blackfox]

Well, I'm 19 and my parents have acess to my account to easily move money in/out of it. They don't look at my evry spending decision though...They're probably actual reasonable people. Astrella's mother, on the other hand, stars on My Little Micromanagement: Emotional Abuse is Magic.

In other news, when my also slightly reasonable parents reimburse me directly, they use a deposit slip. About 10 of them come in the back of each checkbook. Eventually, they run out, then mail me a check and tell me to suck it up and walk to the ATM.

[SiuiS]

Hm hm. It's also just, my parents can see what I do with my bank account, so they'd notice a big payment like that....

-----

Happy holidays everyone~

Would they notice a series of deductions over the week in random intervals "for presents"? A slow bleed, moving funds into cash, stashing it, and then using that afterward.

However...


Well, at least since it's something that even people who are so heteronormative it hurts can realize is a mistake whatever fighting this caused wouldn't risk bringing anything out you didn't want them knowing yet/ever.

But really, for your own good, you're really going to have to bite that bullet sooner or later, you can't just let yourself get bullied by your parents for the rest of your time on earth together.

This. Not that I'm one to talk at all, but you spend so much time fussin and stressing out and it seems like there's really no cause. Sure, cutting ties might cause some problems, but from the sound of it, it won't really cause problems, it will just be an excuse to bring them up. There's going to be fighting and stuff anyway, so even if you don't give them an excuse they'll be riotous. So your choices seem to be;

1; do what makes you happy and sets up your life. There will be background stress and stuff.
2; do what keeps things safe at home. There will still be background stress and stuff.

So all things being equal, luv, you're better off biting the bullet and doing this. If your mom is the kind of person I think she is, yes, she will throw it on your face. Not for any legitimate reason, but because she feels entitled to Hirt you emotionally when she feels threatened. Which means it doesn't matter what she says. Her intent is to hurt you, and if she could do so by reciting the Cyrillic alphabet she would. So she's not really upset at you controlling your ow account at all. Y'know?

That being said, take some time to think through it. That's the one thing you'll always have is time. A few days to sleep on it, mull it over. An we'll be here for ya when and if ya need us :smallsmile:

[Socratov]

fun stuff today (http://leasticoulddo.com/)

[Mina Kobold]

They talked me into giving them overview of it in case something happened to me. And opening a new one wouldn't really help, I'd still need to get the money of my existing one. :/ It's also something that could cause even more fighting at home and there's already been so much of it recently...

Edit: I'm 22. Yes, I know it sounds pathetic. :/

Doesn't sound pathetic at all, standing up to the people who have been in complete control of one's life for so long is a horrifying experience. ._.

That said, and with the knowledge that I may be hypocritical now, I think the best option really is to push back at them. They may not realise that they are going a bit too far, or they may be trying to gain as much control as possible, neither of which will get better in time. I hope things will end up much less grim than they sound, however. ^_^

Perhaps you can appeal to the stress cased by feeling watched all the time? Know I would be stressed by that, and it is a common enough theme that they might recognise it. :smallsmile:


fun stuff today (http://leasticoulddo.com/)

Funny, but isn't that like complaining that they don't supervise chocolate production for Easter and Valentine's?

...

The churches already do that, don't they? It's the true world conspiracy, isn't it? O_O

*Hides from chocolate conspiracy*

[noparlpf]

They're probably actual reasonable people. Astrella's mother, on the other hand, stars on My Little Micromanagement: Emotional Abuse is Magic.

In other news, when my also slightly reasonable parents reimburse me directly, they use a deposit slip. About 10 of them come in the back of each checkbook. Eventually, they run out, then mail me a check and tell me to suck it up and walk to the ATM.

Even my mother, who is only sometimes reasonable, and does have access to my bank account because a. I was too lazy to change that when I turned eighteen and b. it makes it easier for her to send me money, doesn't look at what I spend and on what.

Astrella, I'd suggest removing them from your account. Better sooner than later. Just wait until after holidays (if it's your holidays anyway (these aren't mine) and if not there's probably a break anyway) until you're back at school.

[pffh]

On a lighter note have some funnies for christmas (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKHIL2VmqEw)

[Mynxae]

Well, I'm 19 and my parents have acess to my account to easily move money in/out of it. They don't look at my evry spending decision though...

What my Dad and I did was that I had three bank accounts. One a 'Spendings', another 'Savings', and then a joint account with my Dad. That made him happy. Plus he had a separate savings account for me I couldn't touch so that I wouldn't spend it. :smallbiggrin:

[golentan]

On a lighter note have some funnies for christmas (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKHIL2VmqEw)

That is some of the most wildly inappropriate acceptance I've ever seen...

[Mynxae]

On a lighter note have some funnies for christmas (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKHIL2VmqEw)

That is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Can't believe I skipped over that link the first time I saw it. :smallbiggrin:

[TechnoScrabble]

I've decided to move back in with some of my old room mates, so hopefully things will go better!

[Kindablue]

Hopefully, Techno! Good luck.

[golentan]

So, I'm about halfway through The Rule of Standing on Tiptoe (http://www.amazon.com/Rule-Standing-Tiptoe-Manga-ebook/dp/B005X2GM0W/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1356502084&sr=8-1&keywords=the+rule+of+standing+on+tiptoe) and I keep daw-ing. I don't know why, but for whatever reason I don't like most romance stories (I love a good romance worked into another story, but I don't like it as a standalone as a rule of thumb), but I really like gay romance. Anyone else experience similar phenomena?

Also, I think this one is hitting some of my other buttons. One of the exceptions to my "vanilla romance" rule is Toradora (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toradora!), and there are a couple other things which have similarly tickled. I seem to have a thing about short, hyperemotional blondes with a lengthy, playfighty courtship.

[Lentrax]

I've decided to move back in with some of my old room mates, so hopefully things will go better!

Hopefully they do. Good luck!

[noparlpf]

I've decided to move back in with some of my old room mates, so hopefully things will go better!

Hopefully that helps things. Good luck.


So, I'm about halfway through The Rule of Standing on Tiptoe (http://www.amazon.com/Rule-Standing-Tiptoe-Manga-ebook/dp/B005X2GM0W/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1356502084&sr=8-1&keywords=the+rule+of+standing+on+tiptoe) and I keep daw-ing. I don't know why, but for whatever reason I don't like most romance stories (I love a good romance worked into another story, but I don't like it as a standalone as a rule of thumb), but I really like gay romance. Anyone else experience similar phenomena?

Also, I think this one is hitting some of my other buttons. One of the exceptions to my "vanilla romance" rule is Toradora (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toradora!), and there are a couple other things which have similarly tickled. I seem to have a thing about short, hyperemotional blondes with a lengthy, playfighty courtship.

"Toradora!" is adorable though. (Though the last episode of the anime version didn't do it for me.)

[KenderWizard]

I seem to have a thing about short, hyperemotional blondes with a lengthy, playfighty courtship.


Well. Maybe sometime, if I'm not currently in the throes of some overwhelming emotion, I'll tell you about the lengthy, playfighting courtship between me and my partner. I'm not _very_ short and _very_ blonde... Where's your cut-off? :smallwink:

[noparlpf]

Well. Maybe sometime, if I'm not currently in the throes of some overwhelming emotion, I'll tell you about the lengthy, playfighting courtship between me and my partner. I'm not _very_ short and _very_ blonde... Where's your cut-off? :smallwink:

Under 5'3/160cm and kind of blonde?


Edit: So I just saw this thing (http://vividlyvisceral.tumblr.com/post/38137808001/wanted-50-000-interested-readers) but I can't reblog things because I don't tumble, I just look at my friend's tumblr.

[Astrella]

I've decided to move back in with some of my old room mates, so hopefully things will go better!

Hope things go well, Techno!

-----

Hrmm, still no prescriptions and still haven't come to a decision about what to do... I really hope it's just the mail being slow cause of the holidays. I'm at dorms for a few days now luckily cause staying at home had a lot of shouting and arguing (though mostly at my brother) and my mother saying a lot of scary things again and I had a small breakdown yesterday cause of that. :s

Re: Parents... it's complicated and I'm not sure if I can actually make honest observations cause I'm in it...mum's just, she cares a lot about me but she's also really controlling and emotionally manipulative and I'm not sure if she even realized she does it... and I'm just worried about her as well and I don't want to dump the whole trans* thing and add that to everything she worries about already. :/

-----

On a brighter note; some pictures I took last week (the necklace is the Charlie one you could get from Khaos Komix.):

http://i.imgur.com/eZxpb.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/ghYzh.jpg

[The Succubus]

Oh my, you're rather stunning Lena. :smallwink:

Sorry to hear about your stressy home but at least you have a bit of peace and quiet now. You know what might help your mum out a little bit? If you can have a chat with your therapist and try to hammer out a concrete plan about what will happen next.

"Mum, this is the plan of action for my transitioning. By X date, I will have finished Y treatment, then the next step will be Z" and so on. Sometimes people go overboard with control if they're afraid of the unknown future. If you can lessen that fear, she might ease up a little.

[Lentrax]

Wow. Sorry about your situation at home. Sounds like a bit of a mess.

I'm sure you will be getting your package soon. The mail gets really slow this time of year. It'll hopefully arrive in a week or so. Though I would check on that in a couple of days, just so everyone is aware of the situation.

Also, those pictures are just so cute! I love that top! So cute I just wanna...

D'awww.

[ScionoftheVoid]

Oh, and does anyone else's mother have a magical ability to make them feel about 6 years old again?

Mine does, definitely. The person most able to intimidate me by a very long way.

I'm sorry things aren't going well for you, Lena. :smallfrown:
If it cheers you up at all, you look pretty and very cute in those pictures.

[golentan]

Well. Maybe sometime, if I'm not currently in the throes of some overwhelming emotion, I'll tell you about the lengthy, playfighting courtship between me and my partner. I'm not _very_ short and _very_ blonde... Where's your cut-off? :smallwink:

That sounds like a lot of fun. And I'm sure you're short and blonde enough. Plus if need be I can visualize you as your avatar. :smalltongue:

Lena: I'm sorry things are so stressful, but I'm seconding (or fifthing or something) the point that you are still adorable.

[Arachu]

Hrmm, still no prescriptions and still haven't come to a decision about what to do... I really hope it's just the mail being slow cause of the holidays. I'm at dorms for a few days now luckily cause staying at home had a lot of shouting and arguing (though mostly at my brother) and my mother saying a lot of scary things again and I had a small breakdown yesterday cause of that. :s

Re: Parents... it's complicated and I'm not sure if I can actually make honest observations cause I'm in it...mum's just, she cares a lot about me but she's also really controlling and emotionally manipulative and I'm not sure if she even realized she does it... and I'm just worried about her as well and I don't want to dump the whole trans* thing and add that to everything she worries about already. :/

*So many hugs!*


On a brighter note; some pictures I took last week (the necklace is the Charlie one you could get from Khaos Komix.):

http://i.imgur.com/eZxpb.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/ghYzh.jpg

You look lovely~ :smallbiggrin:


~Bianca

[Lix Lorn]

On a brighter note; some pictures I took last week (the necklace is the Charlie one you could get from Khaos Komix.):

http://i.imgur.com/eZxpb.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/ghYzh.jpg


I'm sorry things are so stressful, but I'm seconding (or fifthing or something) the point that you are still adorable.
This. Entirely this.
(huggles)

[turkishproverb]

I made it back from christmas without a suicide attempt. Yay. :smallannoyed:

[KenderWizard]

Hrmm, still no prescriptions and still haven't come to a decision about what to do... I really hope it's just the mail being slow cause of the holidays. I'm at dorms for a few days now luckily cause staying at home had a lot of shouting and arguing (though mostly at my brother) and my mother saying a lot of scary things again and I had a small breakdown yesterday cause of that. :s

Re: Parents... it's complicated and I'm not sure if I can actually make honest observations cause I'm in it...mum's just, she cares a lot about me but she's also really controlling and emotionally manipulative and I'm not sure if she even realized she does it... and I'm just worried about her as well and I don't want to dump the whole trans* thing and add that to everything she worries about already. :/

-----

On a brighter note; some pictures I took last week (the necklace is the Charlie one you could get from Khaos Komix.):

http://i.imgur.com/eZxpb.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/ghYzh.jpg

That first pic is SO CUTE!!

Also, parents are complicated. Sure, they're supposed to be unconditionally supportive and put their kids first and everything, but they're also only people like everyone else. Take things one step at a time towards a healthy independence, as you're doing. But consider making the bank account the next step. :smallwink:


That sounds like a lot of fun. And I'm sure you're short and blonde enough. Plus if need be I can visualize you as your avatar. :smalltongue:


:smallbiggrin: That could work.


I made it back from christmas without a suicide attempt. Yay. :smallannoyed:

Well. We take our victories where we find them. Are you seeing a therapist?

[turkishproverb]

Well. We take our victories where we find them. Are you seeing a therapist?

Not at the moment. Things only get really bad when I have to spend extended amounts of time around my family. They're not...accepting people. I go deep into the closet around them, but stilll...the things I hear people say....well...hard not to take them personally.

[SiuiS]

Got pictures working again!

Lixieluv: lookin' good! Very nice shade on you, especially with your skin tone. I agree with my old familiar theSuccubus about the shade.

Lena: is a wolf whistle appropriate? I feel a wolf whistle is appropriate. You have gorgeous eyes! Well, eye. I am assuming they are similar, though. Human symmetry and all :3

I am so jealouuuus. Ah well. Step one is take care of myself, step two is pretty clothes. Time for getting down to a fighting weight again!
*checks scale*
...
Time for getting up to a fighting weight again! Whichever involves slimming my tummy.

[KenderWizard]

Not at the moment. Things only get really bad when I have to spend extended amounts of time around my family. They're not...accepting people. I go deep into the closet around them, but stilll...the things I hear people say....well...hard not to take them personally.

Ah, yeah, I think I remember you talking about this before. :smallfrown: That's really horrible, and well done for getting through it, again. Time to start whittling down the lengths of your visits?

[turkishproverb]

I try, but my Grandparents are getting older, and I don't trust the rest of my family to help them out. So I'm conflicted. :smallconfused:

[Castaras]

Spend 24th-26th with main family, sort out with grandparents and extended visit?

[Zorg]

@ Turkish - sorry it was such a horrible time for you, hope you can see grandparentals free of other family.


Hello all, been around, just too busy w/ work to say much, so some quick catch ups:

@ Lixie - I like your hair, it is (or was, it's been a while sorry!) a nice shade for you :smallsmile:

@ Helio - If you haven't already seen it I was looking for some other stuff and found this which might be of use to you (http://www.yourrights.org.uk/yourrights/right-to-receive-equal-treatment/transgender-discrimination/index.html) in your situation. It's not all good news I'm afraid as it does seem to say that in the UK if you're not legally recognised as transitioning you are potentially able to be disciplined at work for wearing the uniform of the opposite gender. Of course the legal system doesn't really cover genderfluid or any other nuances, but if you can get a hold of your work's uniform policy and it has nothing specific about nail polish (ie if it's not listed as part of the female uniform) they shouldn't be able to do anything without repurcussions. Of course get some real advice, but it's soemthing to mention to someone who knows what they're doing ;)
Also hope things with family are going ok too with pronouns etc. :smallsmile:


@ Astrella - Family stuff:

I'm going to relate some advice I was once given. It is admittedly buisiness advice, but somewhat relavent
"Just because someone's great at their job, punctual and dilligent, doesn't mean they won't be an overall detriment to the workplace if they're an a-hole to everyone around them and their interpersonal actions brings the rest of the team down. You'll have one functioning employee but the rest will burn out, quit or turn into a-holes themselves.
Fix the a-hole when you see them, or get rid of them if you can't - if you don't it all goes down the tubes."

There does also come a point where you do have to stop worrying about other people's lives and what they think, no matter how much you love them. I think when it is making you sick it's already gone past it.

I'm obviously not aware of all the nuances here and you don't have to make it an all or nothing affair (and I'm also aware of the irony of telling yo uwhat to do about being told what to do!). I'm not really sure what you can do exactly, I'm afraid, but at least some small step like fixing your bank account to be just your own seems like it would de-stress you massively. If your mum freaks out tell her it's going to happen eventually and better now while she's nearby incase you need advice on things. Like pick two or three accounts you like and ask her opinion on them - might help make her feel included still but get you some freedom :smallsmile:

Pics:

First thing I noticed: OMG someone's taking my picture! :smallbiggrin:

Second thing: That's a cute top and what are those-hey skulls! Awesome.

Third thing: You have very pretty lips. Beautiful classic bow shape and nice fullness and they look very soft and I'mjustgoingtostopmyselfthereokgood :smallwink:


@ Me update: Xmas was ok, pretty sad for some of it being first without ex-GF (and she loves xmas), but otherwise ok. Almost 70 hour week leading into it, and now I've got a cold, but still good.

My bro and his partner gave me some makeup wich was really sweet, though I had to quickly conceal it with my nana and daughter in the room, which was a bit :/
Got money from parents which - and I know you'll all be shocked, shocked I say, to hear - I have converted into clothes.

Otehrwise not much going on. Few weeks until my appointment with the endo, which I'm a bit nervous about as I don't know what's going to be required and I'm worried I'll get regected because I'm missing something or haven't gotten some sign off or whatever. Should be ok, but I'm not a fan of going into the unknown.

[Mina Kobold]

Hrmm, still no prescriptions and still haven't come to a decision about what to do... I really hope it's just the mail being slow cause of the holidays. I'm at dorms for a few days now luckily cause staying at home had a lot of shouting and arguing (though mostly at my brother) and my mother saying a lot of scary things again and I had a small breakdown yesterday cause of that. :s

*Affections*

I am sure they will arrive, or at least that they can be tracked if things go weird. ^_^

Mrrr, your family life sounds sad. I hope the shouting and arguing stops soon. ;_;


Re: Parents... it's complicated and I'm not sure if I can actually make honest observations cause I'm in it...mum's just, she cares a lot about me but she's also really controlling and emotionally manipulative and I'm not sure if she even realized she does it... and I'm just worried about her as well and I don't want to dump the whole trans* thing and add that to everything she worries about already. :/

I can most likely not make nearly as honest observations, but I think it may unfortunately be that there will be someone hurt no matter what. As much as it sounds cruel, I think you may have to try to work against it or tell your mother that it feels controlling and manipulative. It is not your duty to bear the burden of keeping everybody else ignorant of what they fear, even if your family tries to make it so.

You are you, and nobody has any right to pressure you into giving that up. :smallsmile:


On a brighter note; some pictures I took last week (the necklace is the Charlie one you could get from Khaos Komix.):

http://i.imgur.com/eZxpb.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/ghYzh.jpg

D'aww, you look adorable. ^_^

Particularly like your hair and that shirt, they complement you nicely. :smallsmile:


I try, but my Grandparents are getting older, and I don't trust the rest of my family to help them out. So I'm conflicted. :smallconfused:

Mrr, that is indeed a dilemma. I don't know what is happening in your family, but could you maybe arrange for spending more time with your grandparents than the rest of it? Maybe suggest spending next December with just them? :smallsmile:

I admit, I have little idea what to do in this case. Only one of my grandparents is in a state needing assistance and that is already helped by the system here and our occasional visits. ^_^'


@ Me update: Xmas was ok, pretty sad for some of it being first without ex-GF (and she loves xmas), but otherwise ok. Almost 70 hour week leading into it, and now I've got a cold, but still good.

My bro and his partner gave me some makeup wich was really sweet, though I had to quickly conceal it with my nana and daughter in the room, which was a bit :/
Got money from parents which - and I know you'll all be shocked, shocked I say, to hear - I have converted into clothes.

Otehrwise not much going on. Few weeks until my appointment with the endo, which I'm a bit nervous about as I don't know what's going to be required and I'm worried I'll get regected because I'm missing something or haven't gotten some sign off or whatever. Should be ok, but I'm not a fan of going into the unknown.

Re: Zorg update
Glad you enjoyed your presents, but sad that you had to spend a normally festive time without someone that important and had to hide presents from your family members. I much hope the coming year will be fortunate enough that next December will make up for it. I would almost fly to Australia to make sure of it myself! ^_^

Lamenting my inability to finish school and University in less than a year and travel across the globe aside, you have nothing to be worried about! I really doubt you could miss anything so important that it could not be fixed in the blink of an eye, if you even would miss anything! Why would they reject you over anything at all, they are not obstacles, but helpers. :smallsmile:

And further: Curse you, Zorg! Your avatar makes me want to play Mass Effect even more! But I won't be around an Xbox for days at least! >_<

I did, however, get the trilogy itself. Yays! ^-^

[turkishproverb]

Mrr, that is indeed a dilemma. I don't know what is happening in your family, but could you maybe arrange for spending more time with your grandparents than the rest of it? Maybe suggest spending next December with just them? :smallsmile:

The problem is, the rest of the family gather's at their house for christmas. Still, I aprpiciate the thoughts, and I'm glad your relative is well taken care of.

[Lycunadari]

@Astrella: You look really cute. :smallredface:

@turkishproverb: *hugs* Lacking a supportive family must be horible. :smallfrown:

@Zorg: New clothes? Do we get pictures? :smallbiggrin: *hugs for Chrismas without a GF*

So, I read an interview with one of my favorite singers, Cuirina. She plays a bard at the biggest German LARP, and her songs are mostly about that, and about the lore of different games (WoW for example). This interview is about her work with the band Sopor Aeternus. They recorded some of Cuirinas songs, but sung by Sopor Aeternus singer Anna-Varney (who is transsexual).

In the interview, I stumbled across this part (translated from German):


Q: The work with Anna-Varney seemingly didn't pan out?
A:[some stuff about personal differences] What's bugging me is that lots was decided over my head, that my conditions were not kept. Example: I was strictly against a recording of "Sternblumennacht" with a male voice (no matter how Varney defines his/her gender, the voice in the song is male)(the song gets so a somewhat homosexual touch, I don't sing songs either that are written for men and where women are drooled over) [some other stuff that didn't work out]

(In "Sternblumennacht" (Starflower night) the lyrical I walks into the fairy forest, ignoring the warnings about the wicked fairies. They see the statue of a young man, that comes to life when they touch it. They fall in love, the man tells his story, he was cursed by the fairies 1000 years ago so that he is turned into a statue and only being a human one night every 1000 years. When dawn breaks, he is turned back to stone, and the lyrical I leaves, forever heartbroken.)

What do you think? Is it okay that Cuirina is angry? Or is she just a stupid bigot?

[Lentrax]

@Zorg: sorry about your holiday awkwardness. Yay for the clothes and makeup though. I will second the request for pics. :smallwink:

@Lucy: I would say more bigot than being angry, but still both. Anger wouldn't have involved the comments about homosexuality. It would have been about just a man singing her songs making it sound masculine.

[Socratov]

Well, to be honest, where does artistic opinion end and bigotry start?

The singer wants to tell a story and express a feeling or sentiment. If the sentiment is about girl meets boy turned to stone I can imagine the opinion expressed above. If it's a think about specifically not liking gay things then, yes it's bigotry.

In this case I'd go with just angry since the person feels restricted in his/her (?) Artistic expression...

[Mina Kobold]

Personally, I think there could be a matter of artistic expression. Cuirina did not do a very good job of expressing any such sentiment, however. The line of reasoning seems to be:

It would change the song to express homosexual themes.
and
Cuirina would not sing a song made for a different gender or which objectify women.
Therefore
This version is bad.

Which does not follow, as neither Cuirina's own preferences nor the relationship type expressed in the original are arguments against the cover version. Taken at face value, Cuirina is imposing personal taste on others (Cuirina would presumable have said no to singing any song originally sung by a male-voiced person, even with permission.) and implying that changing a romance from guy/girl to guy/guy is bad. Which is kind of rude and possibly homophobic. >_>

That doesn't necessarily mean Cuirina is being a bigot, just that the explanation is not very easy to understand. If the intend was just to imply "I don't want the song's details changed, whether it is the implied genders or anything else", then that is perfectly fine and well within the artist's rights. If the intend was "Homosexuality is bad and you should never cover a song originally by someone with a voice that implies another gender", then that is bigoted. So, uhm... Need more input? ^_^'

It was really rude to dismiss the singer's gender identity that way, even if it was unintentional. ;_;

[noparlpf]

It could be just her being really anal about small details and expressing it poorly. In that case, it kind of depends on the singer's actual voice. If the singer sings the song well, right pitch and timbre or whatever, then there's no reason to care what's between their histones.

[turkishproverb]

@turkishproverb: *hugs* Lacking a supportive family must be horible. :smallfrown:

*HUGS*

Thanks. It's not fun, I can tell you that.


So, I read an interview with one of my favorite singers, Cuirina. She plays a bard at the biggest German LARP, and her songs are mostly about that, and about the lore of different games (WoW for example). This interview is about her work with the band Sopor Aeternus. They recorded some of Cuirinas songs, but sung by Sopor Aeternus singer Anna-Varney (who is transsexual).

In the interview, I stumbled across this part (translated from German):



(In "Sternblumennacht" (Starflower night) the lyrical I walks into the fairy forest, ignoring the warnings about the wicked fairies. They see the statue of a young man, that comes to life when they touch it. They fall in love, the man tells his story, he was cursed by the fairies 1000 years ago so that he is turned into a statue and only being a human one night every 1000 years. When dawn breaks, he is turned back to stone, and the lyrical I leaves, forever heartbroken.)

What do you think? Is it okay that Cuirina is angry? Or is she just a stupid bigot?

Hmmm....depends upon how it was in the original german. if "she" simply doesn't like working on songs with male voices at all, it's probably not homophobia or transphobia, at least not directly, but instead related to misandry. The comment that "no matter how Varney defines his/her gender" suggests it's possible the expession on the album simply "felt" male, something you can easily get with both male and female performers.

[Lix Lorn]

*HUGS*

Thanks. It's not fun, I can tell you that.
(hugs tight)
I have been really, really lucky. My family are amazing.

[turkishproverb]

*Hugs* Well, good for you lix. I'm still not sure there's anyone in my family it's even potentially safe to tell.

[Kindablue]

Personally, I think there could be a matter of artistic expression. Cuirina did not do a very good job of expressing any such sentiment, however. The line of reasoning seems to be:

It would change the song to express homosexual themes.
and
Cuirina would not sing a song made for a different gender or which objectify women.
Therefore
This version is bad.

Which does not follow, as neither Cuirina's own preferences nor the relationship type expressed in the original are arguments against the cover version. Taken at face value, Cuirina is imposing personal taste on others (Cuirina would presumable have said no to singing any song originally sung by a male-voiced person, even with permission.) and implying that changing a romance from guy/girl to guy/guy is bad. Which is kind of rude and possibly homophobic. >_>
I just read it as "changing the original intention of the song is bad, period." I don't agree with that, and she's kind of being a **** about it, but authorial intent is a big thing with a lot of people.

I'm thinking of a story I heard about when Elizabeth Barney lost her lover Renee Vivian to a baroness; she sent a friend, a mezzo-soprano who played Carmen at the local opera house, to sing a lament under Vivian's balcony from a Gluck opera that was originally written for a castrato in hopes that she would open her window and catch a poem written by Barney that was tied to a bouquet of flowers and realize that she still loved her. I guess it's less a story and more a scene.

[Heliomance]

@ Helio - If you haven't already seen it I was looking for some other stuff and found this which might be of use to you (http://www.yourrights.org.uk/yourrights/right-to-receive-equal-treatment/transgender-discrimination/index.html) in your situation. It's not all good news I'm afraid as it does seem to say that in the UK if you're not legally recognised as transitioning you are potentially able to be disciplined at work for wearing the uniform of the opposite gender. Of course the legal system doesn't really cover genderfluid or any other nuances, but if you can get a hold of your work's uniform policy and it has nothing specific about nail polish (ie if it's not listed as part of the female uniform) they shouldn't be able to do anything without repurcussions. Of course get some real advice, but it's soemthing to mention to someone who knows what they're doing ;)
Also hope things with family are going ok too with pronouns etc. :smallsmile:

Damn. That does seem to leave me without much of a legal leg to stand on, which is annoying. Buggeration.

Pronouns still not great, but on the other hand, mum took me clothes shopping today, and bought me a whole bunch of girl clothes! Yay! :smallbiggrin:

[Lix Lorn]

I just read it as "changing the original intention of the song is bad, period." I don't agree with that, and she's kind of being a **** about it, but authorial intent is a big thing with a lot of people.

I'm thinking of a story I heard about when Elizabeth Barney lost her lover Renee Vivian to a baroness; she sent a friend, a mezzo-soprano who played Carmen at the local opera house, to sing a lament under Vivian's balcony from a Gluck opera that was originally written for a castrato in hopes that she would open her window and catch a poem written by Barney that was tied to a bouquet of flowers and realize that she still loved her. I guess it's less a story and more a scene.
...did it work?

[Kindablue]

...did it work?
Barney was really into Vivien; not so into monogamy. It didn't work, no.

[Coidzor]

What do you think? Is it okay that Cuirina is angry? Or is she just a stupid bigot?

Too many language barriers to really tell. What I can make out mostly just makes this Cuirina individual seem like some form or variant on the prima donna schema.

[Selpharia]

Too many language barriers to really tell. What I can make out mostly just makes this Cuirina individual seem like some form or variant on the prima donna schema.

I love this phrase so much, you may consider it officially stolen.

@Astrelia

Cute! I especially like the way you've got that bit of your bangs twirled up. My hair's so fine it refuses to be shaped in any meaningful way without chemical coaxing. I'm so jealous!

@Zorg

Hooray for additional clothes!

~Laura

[Coidzor]

I love this phrase so much, you may consider it officially stolen.

Phrase? Stolen? Do you mean prima donna or the addition of schema to the end of it? :smallconfused:

Schema's just a prettier way of saying wossname while also meaning something technically, I think mental construct or idea. ...I knew I should have googled to doublecheck the definition.

[bluewind95]

You can also train reflexes! Which I think means you coul purposefully diminish them too, but I'm not sure. Never heard of someone not kicking when Vance in the knee tendon thingy, except when physical damage has occurred.

I didn't kick when they tested that reflex. The doctor was pretty surprised. Then he poked me with something sharp below the knee. THEN I nearly kicked him on the face.

Hi guys! I fell behind on the thread, then left for like a week, but popping in to say hi and to give hugs to any who may need them.

[Zorg]

Damn. That does seem to leave me without much of a legal leg to stand on, which is annoying. Buggeration.

Pronouns still not great, but on the other hand, mum took me clothes shopping today, and bought me a whole bunch of girl clothes! Yay! :smallbiggrin:

Well do still check with someone more knowledgable than random person on the internet in another country - after all your uniform (from what you said before) is mostly unisex so if it's not specifically mentioned as male or female in the guide I would hazzard a guess you'd be in a stronger position.

And that's some great progress in action, if not words :smallsmile:



And speaking of clothes - I shall produce pictures as soon as I'm able to.

Other stuff:
My ex and I had a long talk and it seems like she's not getting over me any more than I'm not getting over her. And neither one of us really knows what to do about it. But we both know that it's not going to work out between us. Kinda awful, but at least we both know where we stand.

She might even be moving interstate later in the new year as her family has recently relocated and without me (I'm tied down here) she's not got any great reasons to stay and a few reasons (not me related) to go.

Not totally specific to the thread, but need to let it out.

[Mystic Muse]

*Hugs for Zorg and anybody else who needs them. Hugs SiuiS just because.*

[Mina Kobold]

*Show of affection for Zorg*

Sounds no fun at all, I hope for both of you that things improve. Perhaps you may not ever get over each other, but hopefully you may be able to let it be a part of your pasts, and not a wall against the future. ;_;

Perhaps you can still keep up through digital means? No reason to lose contact, if you still wish to be friends. :smallsmile:

[Heliomance]

Well do still check with someone more knowledgable than random person on the internet in another country - after all your uniform (from what you said before) is mostly unisex so if it's not specifically mentioned as male or female in the guide I would hazzard a guess you'd be in a stronger position.

And that's some great progress in action, if not words :smallsmile:


That would require the management to be organised enough to have a written dress code, which I'm not at all convinced they are. They haven't even done written contracts yet, and they've been open since July.

[Lentrax]

@Zorg: Sorry you are both so down. I wish I could offer more than words, but sadly an ocean (and a large pile of money I don't have) prevents me from doing much else. So, here goes. I know you both decided mutually that it wouldn't work out, and that's great from the mature adult angle. And what you had was and is still special, that I really can understand. So if you need to talk things out with anyone, it would probably be her. What you two had gives you that connection to be able to talk about things. But if the pain of loss is too much, we are still here, with digital hugs, cake* and Lixie glomps.

@Helio: Yay, clothes! Its a good step forward, ya? No written dress code? Then it shouldn't matter if you wear nail varnish or not. But, I am one of those people from overseas that really has no idea how things work where you are. Wish I could help more, but am realy sorry I can't.


*Sorry, I am all out of cake right now. I do have some Oreos though. Care for one?

[SiuiS]

Other stuff:
My ex and I had a long talk and it seems like she's not getting over me any more than I'm not getting over her. And neither one of us really knows what to do about it. But we both know that it's not going to work out between us. Kinda awful, but at least we both know where we stand.

She might even be moving interstate later in the new year as her family has recently relocated and without me (I'm tied down here) she's not got any great reasons to stay and a few reasons (not me related) to go.

Not totally specific to the thread, but need to let it out.

Hmm. So, why the breakup then? I mean she still likes you and you her. Moving down to probationary "seeing how this works" should cover your bases.

Still, I don't know her so I can't speak of motives.


*Hugs for Zorg and anybody else who needs them. Hugs SiuiS just because.*

Thanks. I think Lix needs them more though :smallfrown:


That would require the management to be organised enough to have a written dress code, which I'm not at all convinced they are. They haven't even done written contracts yet, and they've been open since July.

Upside, they can't stop you from doing anything. Downside, you may end up being the reason they write that stuff into the eventual handbook... Cramp.

[Lentrax]

Hey, if you think I said something really wrong, go ahead an slap me.

Or yell, or something.

Sorry if I upset anyone.

[SiuiS]

Hey, if you think I said something really wrong, go ahead an slap me.

Or yell, or something.

Sorry if I upset anyone.

Why do you think that?

[Lentrax]

I don't know. I've just been getting it alot recently in RL, so, I thought I should probably bring it up here too.

Well, not slapped, but apparently I have been saying the wrong things to everyone. So that's why I mention it.

[Mono Vertigo]

Happy new year! May 2013 be better to all of us (and anyone else) than 2012. :smallsmile:

[SiuiS]

I don't know. I've just been getting it alot recently in RL, so, I thought I should probably bring it up here too.

Well, not slapped, but apparently I have been saying the wrong things to everyone. So that's why I mention it.

Oh. Well, no worried here, friend :smallsmile:


Happy new year! May 2013 be better to all of us (and anyone else) than 2012. :smallsmile:

Cheers!

[Absol197]

Happy New Year everybody!

I know I haven't been posting much, but I've still been here! Let's see...

Lena is cute;

*Hugs* and sympathies (and more requests for pics :smallwink: ) for Zorg;

Boo hiss at Helio's management;

*glomps Lixie*;

Greetings and well-wishes for everybody else.

I think that's everything, right? If I missed anyone, let me know!


~Phoenix~

[Heliomance]

You missed excitement over mum buying me new clothes :P

[gunnar11]

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYBODY!

[Irish Musician]

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year all my lovely people!!! Been a little busy with the Holidays, but things have seemed to calm now :smallbiggrin:

Now I gotta Catch-up!:smallwink:


On the subject of the Hobbit, I continue to find it disturbing that in the fantasy universe as depicted, the only people with dark skin are the orcs and even they're lead by the white (http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Azog) guys (http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Gothmog_(Lieutenant_of_Morgul))... And the Haradrim, but they're fighting for the badguys too... Fantasy can be a bit racist sometimes is my point.
Funnily enough, there are dark skinned humans in the world of Tolkien and lest we forget, the only way that the King of the Nazgul was able to be killed was by the hand of a woman. Granted, most of the time in literature there tends to be a lean towards white men being in power, but I would chalk a bunch of that up to where most Fantasy novels takes place.... "back in the day" of the Medieval "Middle Ages" era when White, First-Born, Males were at the height of power.

Though, if you really get into Tolkien, there is some in there, but he, above 85-90% of Fantasy writers, does a good job of not stereotyping his worlds too much. I mean, he created a whole world, and about 5-6 languages from scratch....Gotta give him some slack :smallwink::smallbiggrin:

They talked me into giving them overview of it in case something happened to me. And opening a new one wouldn't really help, I'd still need to get the money of my existing one. :/ It's also something that could cause even more fighting at home and there's already been so much of it recently...

Edit: I'm 22. Yes, I know it sounds pathetic. :/
Not pathetic at all lady, but you do need to put your foot down and get them out of your privacy. Yes, it will most likely cause some heart ache at the moment, but you will feel better once it happens and everything calms down again. I say open another account, move all your money form the other one at once, and be done with it. :smallsmile:

I've decided to move back in with some of my old room mates, so hopefully things will go better!
YAY! Good Luck!



Also, glad to be back.

EDIT: @Helio, Yay for lady clothes!!! Cute clothes for a cute girl, me thinks :smallbiggrin:
~Matthew~

[noparlpf]

Though, if you really get into Tolkien, there is some in there, but he, above 85-90% of Fantasy writers, does a good job of not stereotyping his worlds too much. I mean, he created a whole world, and about 5-6 languages from scratch....Gotta give him some slack :smallwink::smallbiggrin:
~Matthew~

Not entirely from scratch though. His languages tend to have some roots in older Earth languages if I remember correctly (which I may not).

[Irish Musician]

Not entirely from scratch though. His languages tend to have some roots in older Earth languages if I remember correctly (which I may not).
True, not entirely from scratch, but definitely from more scratch than had ever been done before, as far as I know, in a fantasy world. And I would even argue most fantasy languages are somewhat derived from his. :smallsmile:

Sorry, I tend to think Tolkien is a Genius and have read his books, or have had them read to me, since I was 6.....he is my literary Idol.:smallbiggrin:

~Matthew~

[noparlpf]

True, not entirely from scratch, but definitely from more scratch than had ever been done before, as far as I know, in a fantasy world. And I would even argue most fantasy languages are somewhat derived from his. :smallsmile:

Sorry, I tend to think Tolkien is a Genius and have read his books, or have had them read to me, since I was 6.....he is my literary Idol.:smallbiggrin:

~Matthew~

Yeah, still amazing. Highly detailed fictional languages and whatnot.
I haven't read as much as I want to yet (I'm reading Toradora! and A Game of Thrones and a friend's novel right now, so maybe after that I'll finally get around to it) but I started with The Hobbit when I was five...until my mum found out I was reading it and took it away because I was "too young".

[Lentrax]

Yeah, still amazing. Highly detailed fictional languages and whatnot.
I haven't read as much as I want to yet (I'm reading Toradora! and A Game of Thrones and a friend's novel right now, so maybe after that I'll finally get around to it) but I started with The Hobbit when I was five...until my mum found out I was reading it and took it away because I was "too young".

Of course the irony in that is that Tolkien originally wrote the Hobbit down because his kids kept complaining he was messing up the details of the stories he was telling them about middle-earth for bedtime.


Also, thanks SiuiS. Makes me feel better that someone thinks that way.

[Irish Musician]

Of course the irony in that is that Tolkien originally wrote the Hobbit down because his kids kept complaining he was messing up the details of the stories he was telling them about middle-earth for bedtime.
Haha exactly!! I think children of all ages (yes I am referencing myself as a child :smallwink:) should read the Hobbit and LOTR's. And once you get into those book a lot, reading his other works (or finished works by his son Christopher) get a lot more interesting, because you get to see the history of the world that he created. Middle-Earth didn't just spring into life at the Hobbit, Tolkien basically wrote a "creation of the world" for this entire world with a rich and, admittedly sometimes confusing, history to it. I love him, he is definitely a hero of mine.

And don't worry Len, I oft times will say the wrong thing as well, and not even realize it!

[KenderWizard]

Hi everyone! Happy New Year! :smallbiggrin: Here's hoping for good and better for everyone this year, health and happiness and secure recognition of identities!

[Kindablue]

Seems like a good deal. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNjuB_lwgQE)

[Selpharia]

That's hilarious. I wonder if they have a variant package where you can just get George Takei. :smallwink:

Oh, and Happy New Year, everyone

~Laura

[noparlpf]

Of course the irony in that is that Tolkien originally wrote the Hobbit down because his kids kept complaining he was messing up the details of the stories he was telling them about middle-earth for bedtime.

I heard it was in part due to free time caused by a tennis injury.

[golentan]

I'm a bit disappointed in one of my new coworkers. She said it was "disgusting" that two male dogs she had met were in love with each other. Anyway, yeah.

[Mynxae]

I'm a bit disappointed in one of my new coworkers. She said it was "disgusting" that two male dogs she had met were in love with each other. Anyway, yeah.

Some people just need to be slapped one of these days...

[Kindablue]

Have you ever seen dogs have sex? They get all backward and lost in each others genitals--it's gross.

http://i.imgur.com/N6fol.png

If you couldn't tell by now, the latter part of this post was unrelated to the former.

[Mynxae]

http://i.imgur.com/N6fol.png

If you couldn't tell by now, the latter part of this post was unrelated to the former.

Oh wow. That is so awesome. :smallbiggrin:

[Zorg]

Thanks for all the sympathy everyone, and *hugs* back - doing better now :)

@ Siuis, the reason for the split is that while we're not over each other now, gf knows that as I transition more she won't be able to deal with it. It's very complicated to explain but I understand her reasons. Talking helped clear the air a bit about where we stood and it was somewhat cathartic for us to know we are both hurting.

First lot of clothes arrived today, so will see about pics when I get home from work (on phone at the mo). One of the dresses is very Jetsons :D

[Irish Musician]

Thanks for all the sympathy everyone, and *hugs* back - doing better now :)

@ Siuis, the reason for the split is that while we're not over each other now, gf knows that as I transition more she won't be able to deal with it. It's very complicated to explain but I understand her reasons. Talking helped clear the air a bit about where we stood and it was somewhat cathartic for us to know we are both hurting.

First lot of clothes arrived today, so will see about pics when I get home from work (on phone at the mo). One of the dresses is very Jetsons :D
*So many hugz!!!!!*

"Jane....his wife...":smallbiggrin:

[Lentrax]

I heard it was in part due to free time caused by a tennis injury.

Christopher explains it as he kept correcting his dad on all the details to the point where Tolkien wrote it down so he had it right.

Anyway, glad you are feeling better Zorg. And yay for clothes!

*hugs*

[Heliomance]

Spoilered for amateur philosophizing, psychologizing, and potential angst. Also length. So. I've been doing a bit of soul-searching and I'm starting to wonder if I'm not actually gender fluid at all. I'm starting to think maybe I'm more classically trans, and my male phases are just times when I can't accept that. As far back as I can remember, I used to think that I'd have made a better girl than I do a guy. And today, I've managed to say "I am a girl" and have it ring true in my mind, which I've found really hard thus far.

I used to wear pseudo-Victorian formalwear around basically all the time, but I've stopped doing that now. I'm wondering if that was either an effort to distance myself from my female side by means of hypermasculinity (albeit in an untraditional form) or trying to appease it by wearing pretty, yet sociably acceptable clothes.

I am however slightly worried by the fact that I'm actually hoping this is the case. I want to want to be female, if that makes sense. And that doesn't feel like valid reasoning. That feels like I'm faking it.

For whatever reason though, today I started thinking about HRT and full transition as actual potential options, something that I might actually do someday. And I've never done that before, I've always been too scared that I might hate it while in a male phase. I also decided that when I eventually get laser, I'm going to do my face as well. The potential ability to grow a beard is no longer important to me. Mrr. I am confuse.

[Lix Lorn]

Spoilered for amateur philosophizing, psychologizing, and potential angst. Also length. So. I've been doing a bit of soul-searching and I'm starting to wonder if I'm not actually gender fluid at all. I'm starting to think maybe I'm more classically trans, and my male phases are just times when I can't accept that. As far back as I can remember, I used to think that I'd have made a better girl than I do a guy. And today, I've managed to say "I am a girl" and have it ring true in my mind, which I've found really hard thus far.

I used to wear pseudo-Victorian formalwear around basically all the time, but I've stopped doing that now. I'm wondering if that was either an effort to distance myself from my female side by means of hypermasculinity (albeit in an untraditional form) or trying to appease it by wearing pretty, yet sociably acceptable clothes.

I am however slightly worried by the fact that I'm actually hoping this is the case. I want to want to be female, if that makes sense. And that doesn't feel like valid reasoning. That feels like I'm faking it.

For whatever reason though, today I started thinking about HRT and full transition as actual potential options, something that I might actually do someday. And I've never done that before, I've always been too scared that I might hate it while in a male phase. I also decided that when I eventually get laser, I'm going to do my face as well. The potential ability to grow a beard is no longer important to me. Mrr. I am confuse.
(hugs tight)
You'll look lovely whatever you do, and wanting your life to be simpler is a perfectly good reason, as is wanting to keep on being what you are now.

[Lentrax]

(hugs tight)
You'll look lovely whatever you do, and wanting your life to be simpler is a perfectly good reason, as is wanting to keep on being what you are now.

These are my beliefs on your philosophizing as well, Helio.

And Lixie is right, you will be (are) a beautiful wonderful person no matter what you present on the outside.

[Heliomance]

I'm pretty sure it's not motivated by wanting my life to be easier though. Not this time. It could just be that I enjoy being female more than I enjoy being male, but that seems like a poor motivation for hoping I'm trans. I'm worried that it's motivated by lingering misandric tendencies that I know I harbour (though this thread has done an awful lot in curbing my sexism - thanks guys) - that I don't want to be a guy because guys suck.

The bit that really has me confused though is, again, that I'm hoping to be trans. Wishing that my fluidity would settle one way or the other is wishing for a simpler life, but I'm not doing that anymore. I'm actively hopig it settles on female. And that is not the path to a simple life.

[Lix Lorn]

I'm pretty sure it's not motivated by wanting my life to be easier though. Not this time. It could just be that I enjoy being female more than I enjoy being male, but that seems like a poor motivation for hoping I'm trans. I'm worried that it's motivated by lingering misandric tendencies that I know I harbour (though this thread has done an awful lot in curbing my sexism - thanks guys) - that I don't want to be a guy because guys suck.

The bit that really has me confused though is, again, that I'm hoping to be trans. Wishing that my fluidity would settle one way or the other is wishing for a simpler life, but I'm not doing that anymore. I'm actively hopig it settles on female. And that is not the path to a simple life.
Oooh. Well. if you enjoy being female more, that sounds like an EXCELLENT reason to be trans. I mean, you could argue that's what I did with all my RPing, just with less use.
(I'm hoping you're spoilering for length, else I'd spoiler too)

[Heliomance]

Oooh. Well. if you enjoy being female more, that sounds like an EXCELLENT reason to be trans. I mean, you could argue that's what I did with all my RPing, just with less use.
(I'm hoping you're spoilering for length, else I'd spoiler too)

I'm spoilering so that uninterested parties don't have to read my angst :smallyuk:
Also because I wrote those two posts on an iTouch, so I had little conception of how long they were.

Does it? Really? Because it doesn't sound to me like a good reason to subject myself to all the problems that being trans brings.

[Lix Lorn]

Well, being happy is important. If being female will make you happy, then yeah, it's worth it. It'll take a long time to get there, but it's easily worth it.

[The Succubus]

Well, being happy is important. If being female will make you happy, then yeah, it's worth it. It'll take a long time to get there, but it's easily worth it.

I think Lixy's right on the money here. :smallsmile:

[Lix Lorn]

I think Lixy's right on the money here. :smallsmile:
Well, slow as I am, I am sort of an expert... :smalltongue: I've thought about this a lot.

[KenderWizard]

Have you ever seen dogs have sex? They get all backward and lost in each others genitals--it's gross.

http://i.imgur.com/N6fol.png

If you couldn't tell by now, the latter part of this post was unrelated to the former.

I totally wasn't going to look at what was behind the spoiler in case it was dog-sex!! >,<

But that story is amazing and heartwarming and such a good sign!


Spoilered for amateur philosophizing, psychologizing, and potential angst. Also length. So. I've been doing a bit of soul-searching and I'm starting to wonder if I'm not actually gender fluid at all. I'm starting to think maybe I'm more classically trans, and my male phases are just times when I can't accept that. As far back as I can remember, I used to think that I'd have made a better girl than I do a guy. And today, I've managed to say "I am a girl" and have it ring true in my mind, which I've found really hard thus far.

I used to wear pseudo-Victorian formalwear around basically all the time, but I've stopped doing that now. I'm wondering if that was either an effort to distance myself from my female side by means of hypermasculinity (albeit in an untraditional form) or trying to appease it by wearing pretty, yet sociably acceptable clothes.

I am however slightly worried by the fact that I'm actually hoping this is the case. I want to want to be female, if that makes sense. And that doesn't feel like valid reasoning. That feels like I'm faking it.

For whatever reason though, today I started thinking about HRT and full transition as actual potential options, something that I might actually do someday. And I've never done that before, I've always been too scared that I might hate it while in a male phase. I also decided that when I eventually get laser, I'm going to do my face as well. The potential ability to grow a beard is no longer important to me. Mrr. I am confuse.

((hugs)) All you can do, Helio, is what seems right and best for you at any time. You don't have to decide right now if you're actually 100% female or anything else. You just have to live your life the way it works for you, and if that's mostly female right now, that's awesome and fine and valid and you don't have to be X amount of "maleness" to qualify as genderfluid or Y amount of certain to qualify as trans. You might just be in a transitional (dammit, language!) period where your mind is trying to sort it out, you know? I say try to relax and just let yourself think about it, and talk to us and anyone else you can trust. :smallsmile:

Edit: I forgot! Asta got in touch with me, his cat died. :smallfrown: He was an old cat and he was put down peacefully but Asta is, understandably, sad. But he's doing alright.

[ScionoftheVoid]

@Helio As someone who struggles with their identity on the grounds of "is it real or do I just want it to be" I think you should take into account what you want as fairly important. A lot of my focus is on being who I want to be, eventually, even if it might be difficult in the meantime. Because I think it'll be worth it. If you think it would be worth the trouble, that it would make you happy, then that might be reason enough to think that it's real. People who aren't women don't tend to seriously consider the possibility that they might be and worry about the problems of being trans in today's society may bring. They might sometimes, but it's not common enough that you can't take it as a factor to consider.

Of course, to move to something unrelated to the thread (sorry), I am apparently a terrible person who does jerk-y things in part so that they have something to point to when people tell me that I'm not, so my advice should be taken with a whole mountain of salt.

[TechnoScrabble]

I always live by a motto, "Surround yourself with people who are happy when you are happy, and then do what makes them happy."

So, if you'd rather be a chick, FECKIN GO FER IT!

Also, the kids I babysit sometimes had to move today, and after their dad picked them up, I noticed they had snuck a gift box onto the couch. The box had 'For: Bear King' (their nickname for me because I have a bear hat with a crown on it), and inside was a little plush polar bear, with a tiny lego crown superglued to its noggin.

The result was:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8sksjzdrn1qb0wnho1_500.png

Freaking manly tears all up in my beard.

Which I have to shave off for drill now. Dammit.

[Socratov]

I always live by a motto, "Surround yourself with people who are happy when you are happy, and then do what makes them happy."

So, if you'd rather be a chick, FECKIN GO FER IT!

Also, the kids I babysit sometimes had to move today, and after their dad picked them up, I noticed they had snuck a gift box onto the couch. The box had 'For: Bear King' (their nickname for me because I have a bear hat with a crown on it), and inside was a little plush polar bear, with a tiny lego crown superglued to its noggin.

The result was:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8sksjzdrn1qb0wnho1_500.png

Freaking manly tears all up in my beard.

Which I have to shave off for drill now. Dammit.

awwwwwww, damnit, now I feel all warm, fuzzy and gooey inside...
but yeah, that is pretty sweet/cute/endearing/etc.

anyway, last week I saw my best bro-turned-chick again and it was great. her beard is gone (only lasershadow remains for now) things are looking good for her. All I could think of was how I miss hanging out with her since I moved away to another town :smallmad: Ah well, it will be a good reason to look her up from time to time when I'll go back to school again...

[Triscuitable]

I'm rather confused at what has just happened. I think my girlfriend just came out to me as trans*, but she's "mid way" as she calls it (not in terms of HRT or SRS). I'm quite confused and don't really know how to handle this, despite actually almost putting myself in the same situation with her. At this point, I guess we're both just gender-confused teens, but she seems pretty keen on transitioning.

I just want someone to talk to.

[Socratov]

sure, hit me up. i don't know if i can help in any way or capacity, but I have some attention to spare...

[Mono Vertigo]

@Helio: sounds confusing to figure out. :smallfrown:
I'll second the general advice here: if you feel transition could be the right thing to do, do it. We'll support you throughout it, even - especially - if transition turns out not to be the answer (which is unlikely, and I really hope it doesn't happen, but we've discussed that very subject several pages ago, and, alas, that might happen, but don't let that stop you).
*hugs*

@Triscuitable: sounds even more confusing. :smalleek:
My box is also open for discussion. Anyway, you must already be aware of it, but I believe the best thing to do here is to wait for your girlfriend to figure out herself what's going on. Nobody else can do that for her.

[Mina Kobold]

Does it? Really? Because it doesn't sound to me like a good reason to subject myself to all the problems that being trans brings.

You already know of those hardships, yet you are still wishing it to be true, are you not? That certainly sounds like a very good reason.

Though I may be biased, I think it may be erroneous to look at the hardships of a path like this as evidence against walking it. It is not being trans which creates those hardships, but the society and technology in which we live. That should never be a reason to avoid doing what you really wish to do, whether that is getting an education in a time where women were discouraged from it, changing the world or just being the person who you want to be. There is no "true" trans narrative which is the only one allowed to pursue happiness, but a plethora of them that are all valid. :smallsmile:

And if it helps, I spend a good deal of time identifying as genderqueer and questioning anything that seemed to indicate that I was trans. Identify as trans now, but I certainly questioned whether I was just confused or wanting to be something else. In the end, I am who I am and will be who I want to be, however. It may be a more difficult journey, but if one is willing to venture out, there is no need to question them. :smallsmile:


@Techno: Sad to hear that you have to shave if you don't wish to, but that is an adorable story. ^_^

@Triscuit: It is possible that you are both gender-confused, but if your SO really wish to transition, then I think my best advice is to be supportive and to talk about it. If anything worries you, then you should be honest, but otherwise it is a choice I bet your SO would want you to support. Mid-way may not be exactly the same point for both of you, but you can still be supportive of each other's wishes and choices. :smallsmile:

[SiuiS]

I'm a bit disappointed in one of my new coworkers. She said it was "disgusting" that two male dogs she had met were in love with each other. Anyway, yeah.

Those moments suck. It's really weir trying to figure ou in a timely fashion whether this particular instance bears addressing...

I'm sorry ya had to deal with that, luv.


Have you ever seen dogs have sex? They get all backward and lost in each others genitals--it's gross.

All sex is gross. I hear that's part of the appeal.


http://i.imgur.com/N6fol.png

If you couldn't tell by now, the latter part of this post was unrelated to the former.

Neat! Kinda feel bad for the guy who got chastised out of line, but I get the impression he was falling back on "c'mooonnnnnnnnn" and "it's my opinion I have a right to it this is America" and such.


Thanks for all the sympathy everyone, and *hugs* back - doing better now :)

@ Siuis, the reason for the split is that while we're not over each other now, gf knows that as I transition more she won't be able to deal with it. It's very complicated to explain but I understand her reasons. Talking helped clear the air a bit about where we stood and it was somewhat cathartic for us to know we are both hurting.

Aye. I just have hope that after the actual changes things will settle down into the happy humdrum background noise they always were. When you hit a speed bump, you get jostled, but you settle eventually. It's what humans do.


Spoilered for amateur philosophizing, psychologizing, and potential angst. Also length. So. I've been doing a bit of soul-searching and I'm starting to wonder if I'm not actually gender fluid at all. I'm starting to think maybe I'm more classically trans, and my male phases are just times when I can't accept that. As far back as I can remember, I used to think that I'd have made a better girl than I do a guy. And today, I've managed to say "I am a girl" and have it ring true in my mind, which I've found really hard thus far.

I used to wear pseudo-Victorian formalwear around basically all the time, but I've stopped doing that now. I'm wondering if that was either an effort to distance myself from my female side by means of hypermasculinity (albeit in an untraditional form) or trying to appease it by wearing pretty, yet sociably acceptable clothes.

I am however slightly worried by the fact that I'm actually hoping this is the case. I want to want to be female, if that makes sense. And that doesn't feel like valid reasoning. That feels like I'm faking it.

For whatever reason though, today I started thinking about HRT and full transition as actual potential options, something that I might actually do someday. And I've never done that before, I've always been too scared that I might hate it while in a male phase. I also decided that when I eventually get laser, I'm going to do my face as well. The potential ability to grow a beard is no longer important to me. Mrr. I am confuse.


I'm pretty sure it's not motivated by wanting my life to be easier though. Not this time. It could just be that I enjoy being female more than I enjoy being male, but that seems like a poor motivation for hoping I'm trans. I'm worried that it's motivated by lingering misandric tendencies that I know I harbour (though this thread has done an awful lot in curbing my sexism - thanks guys) - that I don't want to be a guy because guys suck.

The bit that really has me confused though is, again, that I'm hoping to be trans. Wishing that my fluidity would settle one way or the other is wishing for a simpler life, but I'm not doing that anymore. I'm actively hopig it settles on female. And that is not the path to a simple life.

Relax and see where it goes, luv. Wondering isn't a problem. All HRT thoughts are, is soul-searching unto a certain benchmark. Then considering moving to the next benchmark. It's like getting into a hot bath, really; first a toe, then if that's okay, the foot, then both feet, etc. And just like a hot bath, you've got up to the genitals before you're really committed.

It's entirely possible to, say, get through a five yet fantasy of your life as a woman, come back to reality, do the math and say "78% satisfaction isn't enough, I am gender fluid".

Myself, I found that my biases were reversed. It wasn't "I don't want to be a guy because guys suck" but "guys suck because I don't want to be a guy". So that's not really a thing to worry about, necessarily. Heck, I decided to be a guy at one point and threw myself into it. Months before my arrival in this thread I had nine-inch wide mustache and a free pass to a pirates festival. And it was because if I'm stuck with facial hair, I may as well rock it! If I'm a male, and I can't fix that, then I'm goin to be a damn good one, and have a long talk with my gods when I go round the bend.


I think it was Asta Kask and Succubus who brought up secondary sexual characteristics in enough detail to make me reevaluate that choice. And it's something I'm constantly looking at, whether this is okay and I am good enough here or if I should go further. It sucks. I'm still dealing with comments from my closest friend because he's "traditional", I still worry about my girl throwing this all in my face if we have another fight. But as I go I have come to realize its not the highs and lows that are important to me (decision wise! They are totes important), it's the median. I think my generic "blegh I have a cold and don't want to go to work, lemme stumble to the shower" time will be better as a woman. The majority of my life, that is.

Does this work for you? Who knows? (hint: future!Helio probably knows.) but what you're doing isn't deciding. It's thinking. Wondering. Exploring. And the most important thing at the end of the day, is that you don't feel bad for asking questions and gettin unexpected answers. Enjoy the trip while you're leaning from it, and I promise you that wherever you go, no matter how far or for how long you travel, you can turn aroun at any point, even while your hand is raised to knock.

Even better, you can turn around again if the journey back isn't as worth it as the journey forward.

:smallsmile:


I'm spoilering so that uninterested parties don't have to read my angst :smallyuk:
Also because I wrote those two posts on an iTouch, so I had little conception of how long they were.

Does it? Really? Because it doesn't sound to me like a good reason to subject myself to all the problems that being trans brings.

Devices do get weird. Seeing posts on an actual computer monitor baffles me. Every paragraph is like, two lines.


I'm rather confused at what has just happened. I think my girlfriend just came out to me as trans*, but she's "mid way" as she calls it (not in terms of HRT or SRS). I'm quite confused and don't really know how to handle this, despite actually almost putting myself in the same situation with her. At this point, I guess we're both just gender-confused teens, but she seems pretty keen on transitioning.

I just want someone to talk to.

I'm willin to talk, but I don't think I will be all that useful. Our types of logic and emotive thinking aren't compatible, you and I. But I wanted to show you I'm here if you need help :smallsmile:

[Heliomance]

Conclusion: I really need to get my doctor to refer me back to the psych. Any tips on how to get a competent psych/therapist? Because the last one I had was utterly useless.

[The Succubus]

Well, I know that a lot of NHS GP practices have patient review sections. I'm not sure whether this extends towards actual consultants and ancillary services yet though - I don't believe my own field has something like that.

Thinking about it from my own perspective, word of mouth between specialists is usually the way I go if I'm looking for a specific person to refer on to. Of course, it doesn't help if you don't happen to know anyone suitable.

My best advice would be to make contact with local LGBT organisations - by email - and ask from a list of names about who to be referred to and who to avoid. Most GPs, if they're dealing with something they're not overly familiar with, will usually listen to patient suggestions about onward referrals, especially if you've done a little homework on the subject.

"After speaking on the forums of my local LGBT association, they spoke highly about Therapist XYZ, who can be found at GHI practice at LGB address." I'm going to send you a PM as well with a few other tidbits in.

[Absol197]

*Massive hugs for Helio*

There isn't really much I can say that others haven't already said ten times better, but I'll see what little advice I might be able to give.

I think it's important for you to wait on all of this until your next male phase, should it ever come. If you are generfluid, then your thoughts right now make perfect sense, because you're a woman and want to be one in body as well as mind. Asking yourself that question now is important, but it doesn't take into account all of you. If you ask yourself the same questions, honestly, when you're next feeling male, and you get the same answer, well, then, you've got the truth :smallsmile: . However, if you get a different answer, then you have still more soul-searching to do.

And of course, if that next male phase never comes, then you've also got an answer!

That would be my advice, although I will admot I don't quite understand how it feels to be genderfluid, so I might be off on some things. Grains and salt and all that.

Whatever you decide, you're a wonderful person, and we're all here to help you! *more hugs!*


~Phoenix~

[The Succubus]

You know, "Genderfluid" sounds like an awesome name for a cocktail, but what would be the ingredients for it though?

[Selpharia]

*hugs* for Helio.

I hope things get clearer soon.

So, I came out to my mom last night. It didn't go very well, but at least she's not throwing me out or anything.

Spoilered for angst and ramble


My mom pretty muvh argued that I just think I'm trans because I have convinced myself both that no one will ever love me as I am, and that being a woman would make filling the emotional and physical needs of a relationship easier. Naturally, she was really skeptical that I had thought things through properly, and said "You've only been seeing [my counselor] for four months, that's not very long, how can you be sure?" discounting what I'd told her about feeling like this for years, and more strongly as time went on. She made sure of course, to endlessly harp on about how hard it is to transition (despite not actually knowing anything about it, or understanding that not transitioning gets just as hard) She also discounted my therapist, since he's trans, she said it was like getting a medical opinion from a surgeon on whether or not you should have surgery, they'll say yes. She told me that in order to satisfy her need for "proof" I would have to get a second opinion and "try a standard [read:heterosexual male] relationship. Because apparently I should find a girl and lead her on to prove to my mother that I'm what I say I am.

And since she thinks I'm deluding myself, there's no worth in how good its felt to start using a new name, shave my legs, let my hair grow and act more femininely when I can, or how I really do feel more comfortable dealing with a relationship as a woman. And of course, if I get upset when she repeatedly tells me that she's never thought I was out of place as a guy, and how I'm fundamentally incapable of having enough self-worth to judge correctly, I'm just being unreasonable because she's being "totally supportive" and just raising "concerns" like how everyone in the world will be disgusted by a trans woman with a limp. Thankfully, I could talk to my aunt right afterward and she didn't require I jump through any hoops and actually believed in my ability to decide for myself, so I only spent four hours agonizingly turning every "concern" my mother had raised about my fear of intimacy and lack of self-confidence over and over in my mind instead of eight. And I just made myself angry and felt horrifically dysphoric and un-feminine all night.

Things are a little better today. I've decided I'll get a second opinion at some point maybe, but if my mother is looking for me to be in a relationship as a man, she'll be looking for a long time. She now wants to know everything I've told anyone about this [she was shocked that my roommate didn't care] and when I'm going to tell my dad, so they can have "productive discussions," whatever that means, but I've no intention of letting her know. How nice of her to try to manage this for me :smallannoyed:

Sorry if this sounds really angry and childish, I should probably be more grateful, but the smug superiority my mother had going the whole time has really gotten under my skin.





~Laura

[Irish Musician]

Well, being happy is important. If being female will make you happy, then yeah, it's worth it. It'll take a long time to get there, but it's easily worth it.
So much this. I would say, Helio, just talk it out with yourself (and a therapist if you are able to fine one that will actually help you) and figure out what you want. If being, or becoming, a woman makes you happy, then do that. Yeah, due to society's general "weirdness" when it comes to trans, it won't be the easiest thing in the world to do, but it will make you happy, and ultimately, you will find peace in that. After you are legitimately happy, everything else tends to be a LOT easier to deal with, and easier to let go of because you know this is what you want and how you are supposed to be.....this is YOU! Much luck in finding a therapist!

I'm rather confused at what has just happened. I think my girlfriend just came out to me as trans*, but she's "mid way" as she calls it (not in terms of HRT or SRS). I'm quite confused and don't really know how to handle this, despite actually almost putting myself in the same situation with her. At this point, I guess we're both just gender-confused teens, but she seems pretty keen on transitioning.

I just want someone to talk to.
:smalleek: I'm sorry, much love, hugz, cookies, etc, to you. I don't know how much help I'd be, but you can always PM me and at least get it all out :smallsmile:

~Matthew~

[noparlpf]

Helio: That sounds confusing. Everyone else has said some good things, so I don't think I need to repeat any of it besides that we're all here to support you.


Edit: I forgot! Asta got in touch with me, his cat died. :smallfrown: He was an old cat and he was put down peacefully but Asta is, understandably, sad. But he's doing alright.

Aww. That's always a sad time. I'm sorry to hear that.


So, I came out to my mom last night. It didn't go very well, but at least she's not throwing me out or anything.

Spoilered for angst and ramble


My mom pretty muvh argued that I just think I'm trans because I have convinced myself both that no one will ever love me as I am, and that being a woman would make filling the emotional and physical needs of a relationship easier. Naturally, she was really skeptical that I had thought things through properly, and said "You've only been seeing [my counselor] for four months, that's not very long, how can you be sure?" discounting what I'd told her about feeling like this for years, and more strongly as time went on. She made sure of course, to endlessly harp on about how hard it is to transition (despite not actually knowing anything about it, or understanding that not transitioning gets just as hard) She also discounted my therapist, since he's trans, she said it was like getting a medical opinion from a surgeon on whether or not you should have surgery, they'll say yes. She told me that in order to satisfy her need for "proof" I would have to get a second opinion and "try a standard [read:heterosexual male] relationship. Because apparently I should find a girl and lead her on to prove to my mother that I'm what I say I am.

And since she thinks I'm deluding myself, there's no worth in how good its felt to start using a new name, shave my legs, let my hair grow and act more femininely when I can, or how I really do feel more comfortable dealing with a relationship as a woman. And of course, if I get upset when she repeatedly tells me that she's never thought I was out of place as a guy, and how I'm fundamentally incapable of having enough self-worth to judge correctly, I'm just being unreasonable because she's being "totally supportive" and just raising "concerns" like how everyone in the world will be disgusted by a trans woman with a limp. Thankfully, I could talk to my aunt right afterward and she didn't require I jump through any hoops and actually believed in my ability to decide for myself, so I only spent four hours agonizingly turning every "concern" my mother had raised about my fear of intimacy and lack of self-confidence over and over in my mind instead of eight. And I just made myself angry and felt horrifically dysphoric and un-feminine all night.

Things are a little better today. I've decided I'll get a second opinion at some point maybe, but if my mother is looking for me to be in a relationship as a man, she'll be looking for a long time. She now wants to know everything I've told anyone about this [she was shocked that my roommate didn't care] and when I'm going to tell my dad, so they can have "productive discussions," whatever that means, but I've no intention of letting her know. How nice of her to try to manage this for me :smallannoyed:

Sorry if this sounds really angry and childish, I should probably be more grateful, but the smug superiority my mother had going the whole time has really gotten under my skin.



~Laura

Oh geez. Sorry to hear that. That sounds really frustrating.

[Irish Musician]

Oh Laura dear, I am so sorry. It doesn't sound childish at all. These situations just make me so mad :smallfurious: Your mom needs to take her ego out of it and just see past how this is supposedly affecting her (which it isn't) and at the very least acknowledge the fact that, you are your own person, with your own feelings, and you are more in tune with how you feel than she is. I don't mean to hate on her or anything at all, I just get super frustrated in situations like this. I am sorry it is happening to you dear. :smallfrown:

Spoilered for length, got done with this and it ended up quite long, so people don't have to read my (probably dumb) rantings:
I want to take parents by the shoulders sometimes and just shake them!!!! I mean, this is your child trying to bear their soul to you and you are, basically, slapping them in the face (in my eyes anyway). I understand that it is probably hard for them as a parent to think of their child as (male) for their whole life and then they are saying they are actually (female). I understand that this is a hard adjustment.....but this is your child who you love, and you should be asking them, at the very least, what you can do to help them. Obviously I, being a silly straight boy (:smallwink:), can't imagine how hard it must to be to come out to those you love and say "I am not *this*, but *this*", esp not knowing how they will react. However, I will never in my life stop giving my whole-hearted support for those people, whether they are LGBTA or even interracial (which really makes me crazy there is still stupid racism) people and couples. I really wish that we could take out egos out of the equation (which your mother hasn't Laura) and just look at the people we love just as that......people, no different from us, even if they are changing. Tell them we love them, and we will be there in whatever capacity they need us so that they can be happy.

~Matthew~

[The Succubus]

*hugs* for Helio.

I hope things get clearer soon.

So, I came out to my mom last night. It didn't go very well, but at least she's not throwing me out or anything.

Spoilered for angst and ramble


My mom pretty muvh argued that I just think I'm trans because I have convinced myself both that no one will ever love me as I am, and that being a woman would make filling the emotional and physical needs of a relationship easier. Naturally, she was really skeptical that I had thought things through properly, and said "You've only been seeing [my counselor] for four months, that's not very long, how can you be sure?" discounting what I'd told her about feeling like this for years, and more strongly as time went on. She made sure of course, to endlessly harp on about how hard it is to transition (despite not actually knowing anything about it, or understanding that not transitioning gets just as hard) She also discounted my therapist, since he's trans, she said it was like getting a medical opinion from a surgeon on whether or not you should have surgery, they'll say yes. She told me that in order to satisfy her need for "proof" I would have to get a second opinion and "try a standard [read:heterosexual male] relationship. Because apparently I should find a girl and lead her on to prove to my mother that I'm what I say I am.

And since she thinks I'm deluding myself, there's no worth in how good its felt to start using a new name, shave my legs, let my hair grow and act more femininely when I can, or how I really do feel more comfortable dealing with a relationship as a woman. And of course, if I get upset when she repeatedly tells me that she's never thought I was out of place as a guy, and how I'm fundamentally incapable of having enough self-worth to judge correctly, I'm just being unreasonable because she's being "totally supportive" and just raising "concerns" like how everyone in the world will be disgusted by a trans woman with a limp. Thankfully, I could talk to my aunt right afterward and she didn't require I jump through any hoops and actually believed in my ability to decide for myself, so I only spent four hours agonizingly turning every "concern" my mother had raised about my fear of intimacy and lack of self-confidence over and over in my mind instead of eight. And I just made myself angry and felt horrifically dysphoric and un-feminine all night.

Things are a little better today. I've decided I'll get a second opinion at some point maybe, but if my mother is looking for me to be in a relationship as a man, she'll be looking for a long time. She now wants to know everything I've told anyone about this [she was shocked that my roommate didn't care] and when I'm going to tell my dad, so they can have "productive discussions," whatever that means, but I've no intention of letting her know. How nice of her to try to manage this for me :smallannoyed:

Sorry if this sounds really angry and childish, I should probably be more grateful, but the smug superiority my mother had going the whole time has really gotten under my skin.





~Laura


*squeezes Laura*

The thing about medical diagnoses is that you can't cherry pick the one you want. It either is, or it isn't. It's equally true from the therapist's perspective as well. A therapist listens to what the patient tells them and makes a diagnosis based on that. It's not like they're trying to convince you to be trans so the two of you can be "happy little trans friends together" which seems to be what your mother is thinking. You don't get a £50 gift voucher for every patient you diagnose with dysphoria.

All that said, a second opinion is never a bad move. It raises the question though as to what your mother will say when you present her with a letter from a "normal" (:smallyuk:) therapist saying exactly the same thing.

With regards to "productive discussion", how do you think your dad will take the news?

[Lix Lorn]

*hugs* for Helio.

I hope things get clearer soon.

So, I came out to my mom last night. It didn't go very well, but at least she's not throwing me out or anything.

Spoilered for angst and ramble


My mom pretty muvh argued that I just think I'm trans because I have convinced myself both that no one will ever love me as I am, and that being a woman would make filling the emotional and physical needs of a relationship easier. Naturally, she was really skeptical that I had thought things through properly, and said "You've only been seeing [my counselor] for four months, that's not very long, how can you be sure?" discounting what I'd told her about feeling like this for years, and more strongly as time went on. She made sure of course, to endlessly harp on about how hard it is to transition (despite not actually knowing anything about it, or understanding that not transitioning gets just as hard) She also discounted my therapist, since he's trans, she said it was like getting a medical opinion from a surgeon on whether or not you should have surgery, they'll say yes. She told me that in order to satisfy her need for "proof" I would have to get a second opinion and "try a standard [read:heterosexual male] relationship. Because apparently I should find a girl and lead her on to prove to my mother that I'm what I say I am.

And since she thinks I'm deluding myself, there's no worth in how good its felt to start using a new name, shave my legs, let my hair grow and act more femininely when I can, or how I really do feel more comfortable dealing with a relationship as a woman. And of course, if I get upset when she repeatedly tells me that she's never thought I was out of place as a guy, and how I'm fundamentally incapable of having enough self-worth to judge correctly, I'm just being unreasonable because she's being "totally supportive" and just raising "concerns" like how everyone in the world will be disgusted by a trans woman with a limp. Thankfully, I could talk to my aunt right afterward and she didn't require I jump through any hoops and actually believed in my ability to decide for myself, so I only spent four hours agonizingly turning every "concern" my mother had raised about my fear of intimacy and lack of self-confidence over and over in my mind instead of eight. And I just made myself angry and felt horrifically dysphoric and un-feminine all night.

Things are a little better today. I've decided I'll get a second opinion at some point maybe, but if my mother is looking for me to be in a relationship as a man, she'll be looking for a long time. She now wants to know everything I've told anyone about this [she was shocked that my roommate didn't care] and when I'm going to tell my dad, so they can have "productive discussions," whatever that means, but I've no intention of letting her know. How nice of her to try to manage this for me :smallannoyed:

Sorry if this sounds really angry and childish, I should probably be more grateful, but the smug superiority my mother had going the whole time has really gotten under my skin.





~Laura
(hugs tight)
She's wrong, but she's wrong for the right reasons. If you're old enough that you can get away with it, just say 'No, you're wrong.' and repeat it until she's stunned into a long enough silence to make your point.

I'd give better and more in depth advice, but I'm not having the best day.

[KenderWizard]

*hugs* for Helio.

I hope things get clearer soon.

So, I came out to my mom last night. It didn't go very well, but at least she's not throwing me out or anything.

Spoilered for angst and ramble


My mom pretty muvh argued that I just think I'm trans because I have convinced myself both that no one will ever love me as I am, and that being a woman would make filling the emotional and physical needs of a relationship easier. Naturally, she was really skeptical that I had thought things through properly, and said "You've only been seeing [my counselor] for four months, that's not very long, how can you be sure?" discounting what I'd told her about feeling like this for years, and more strongly as time went on. She made sure of course, to endlessly harp on about how hard it is to transition (despite not actually knowing anything about it, or understanding that not transitioning gets just as hard) She also discounted my therapist, since he's trans, she said it was like getting a medical opinion from a surgeon on whether or not you should have surgery, they'll say yes. She told me that in order to satisfy her need for "proof" I would have to get a second opinion and "try a standard [read:heterosexual male] relationship. Because apparently I should find a girl and lead her on to prove to my mother that I'm what I say I am.

And since she thinks I'm deluding myself, there's no worth in how good its felt to start using a new name, shave my legs, let my hair grow and act more femininely when I can, or how I really do feel more comfortable dealing with a relationship as a woman. And of course, if I get upset when she repeatedly tells me that she's never thought I was out of place as a guy, and how I'm fundamentally incapable of having enough self-worth to judge correctly, I'm just being unreasonable because she's being "totally supportive" and just raising "concerns" like how everyone in the world will be disgusted by a trans woman with a limp. Thankfully, I could talk to my aunt right afterward and she didn't require I jump through any hoops and actually believed in my ability to decide for myself, so I only spent four hours agonizingly turning every "concern" my mother had raised about my fear of intimacy and lack of self-confidence over and over in my mind instead of eight. And I just made myself angry and felt horrifically dysphoric and un-feminine all night.

Things are a little better today. I've decided I'll get a second opinion at some point maybe, but if my mother is looking for me to be in a relationship as a man, she'll be looking for a long time. She now wants to know everything I've told anyone about this [she was shocked that my roommate didn't care] and when I'm going to tell my dad, so they can have "productive discussions," whatever that means, but I've no intention of letting her know. How nice of her to try to manage this for me :smallannoyed:

Sorry if this sounds really angry and childish, I should probably be more grateful, but the smug superiority my mother had going the whole time has really gotten under my skin.





~Laura

Grateful for _what_? People don't get cookies and gratitude for meeting basic levels of decency, like _not_ throwing their kids out of the house. No no, honey, you are right to be angry and upset, your mother dealt with that poorly and any reasonable person who had part of their identity denied or shut down like that would be angry and upset. Your feelings are legitimate. She is the one being childish; refusing to really listen to what you're saying, clinging to her own ideas of what you "should" be or do, and acting frankly petulantly. I'm loath to just write her off, I mean, everyone copes badly sometimes and she could come around after the shock has worn off. I'm so glad you have your aunt to talk to, and I'm also really impressed you came out to your mother even though you knew she probably wouldn't deal with it so well, that was brave of you. :smallsmile:

[ScionoftheVoid]

Hugs for those who want them. Being interrogated about your identity instead of supported in it sucks. :smallfrown:

[Mina Kobold]

*hugs* for Helio.

I hope things get clearer soon.

So, I came out to my mom last night. It didn't go very well, but at least she's not throwing me out or anything.

Spoilered for angst and ramble


My mom pretty muvh argued that I just think I'm trans because I have convinced myself both that no one will ever love me as I am, and that being a woman would make filling the emotional and physical needs of a relationship easier. Naturally, she was really skeptical that I had thought things through properly, and said "You've only been seeing [my counselor] for four months, that's not very long, how can you be sure?" discounting what I'd told her about feeling like this for years, and more strongly as time went on. She made sure of course, to endlessly harp on about how hard it is to transition (despite not actually knowing anything about it, or understanding that not transitioning gets just as hard) She also discounted my therapist, since he's trans, she said it was like getting a medical opinion from a surgeon on whether or not you should have surgery, they'll say yes. She told me that in order to satisfy her need for "proof" I would have to get a second opinion and "try a standard [read:heterosexual male] relationship. Because apparently I should find a girl and lead her on to prove to my mother that I'm what I say I am.

And since she thinks I'm deluding myself, there's no worth in how good its felt to start using a new name, shave my legs, let my hair grow and act more femininely when I can, or how I really do feel more comfortable dealing with a relationship as a woman. And of course, if I get upset when she repeatedly tells me that she's never thought I was out of place as a guy, and how I'm fundamentally incapable of having enough self-worth to judge correctly, I'm just being unreasonable because she's being "totally supportive" and just raising "concerns" like how everyone in the world will be disgusted by a trans woman with a limp. Thankfully, I could talk to my aunt right afterward and she didn't require I jump through any hoops and actually believed in my ability to decide for myself, so I only spent four hours agonizingly turning every "concern" my mother had raised about my fear of intimacy and lack of self-confidence over and over in my mind instead of eight. And I just made myself angry and felt horrifically dysphoric and un-feminine all night.

Things are a little better today. I've decided I'll get a second opinion at some point maybe, but if my mother is looking for me to be in a relationship as a man, she'll be looking for a long time. She now wants to know everything I've told anyone about this [she was shocked that my roommate didn't care] and when I'm going to tell my dad, so they can have "productive discussions," whatever that means, but I've no intention of letting her know. How nice of her to try to manage this for me :smallannoyed:

Sorry if this sounds really angry and childish, I should probably be more grateful, but the smug superiority my mother had going the whole time has really gotten under my skin.





~Laura

Wow, my apologies, but why are so many parents so... Evil? ._.

Spoilered for ranting response:
I would not call that being supportive or raising concerns, as emotional abuse and uninformed bigoted arguments that treat someone as an unruly child are directly confrontational and discouraging. Saying "Don't do this unless you do XYZ for me" is setting up a barrier, rather than supporting you over one. ;_;

You honestly sound quite mature about it, and a lot more calm and rational than your parent. You are actually willing to take the productive bits in the nonsensical arguments and use them, while your parent is demanding that you try out your parent's favoured type of relationship because... Uhm, because your parent tried dating as another gender? That really is the only way that requirement would make sense. If being sure that you are trans requires trying to be cis, then the opposite has to be true for your parent. If not, then it is an unreasonable double-standard.

Also doubtful that your parent's "everyone" is all that inclusive. Ableism and transphobia are neither universal nor in any way something that can be used as an excuse for emotionally abusing one's children or wards. If your parent has a problem, that is not something to hurt you with.

Second opinions are always a plus, but the logic is dubious unless convincing someone to transition got your therapist benefits. Unless someone having experience with something makes them unreliable, then your therapist is many times more reliable than a non-expert parent. Especially one who seems cruel enough to both destroy someone's self worth and then use that fact as an argument against her making her own choices. :smallmad:

Sorry about that, needed to rant about it. Will get off the soapbox now ^_^'

Glad to hear that your aunt was much better about it and that your roommate is supportive. I don't think you were unnecessarily angry or in any way childish, you handled it quite well and seem to be very good at looking at the issue from different angles. Even when your parent tried to use your fear of intimacy and confidence issues, you seem to be doing very well. Just remember that there is no evidence that any of those ever tied into delusions about transness (or that such delusions exist) and I am sure you can overcome your parent's meanness. :smallsmile:


---------------

On a personal note: Dysphoria on top of irrational stress and anxiety is not fun. >_<

EDIT: And everybody already said what I wanted to express much better than me... Listen to them, they are wise and not mean! ^_^

[Zorg]

Lots of hugs for everyone here, seems a lot of stress is going around :smallfrown:

@ Helio -

I can very much relate to you talking about non-traditional hypermasculinity, as I was (am) very much of the same persuasion - expensive suits, cufflinks, tie, shoes, belt & watch all matching, making Don Draper look like a hobo (~I mean the girls at my local coffee joint renamed my choice drink "sex in a cup after me"~) but it was all a show (though I do love nice clothes).

I guess because you've lived so long "in between" as it were there's no real eureaka moment for you as I had, but all I can say is explore these feelings and that doubt isn't a bad thing. I have doubts, but I take comfort in the fact that I can instantly dismiss them as groundless to know I'm doing the right thing.
And whilst I may show off clothes that make me look like a Stepford Wife, I'm still not 100% girly - I own lots of tee shirts, punk-y sort of gear and whatnot so even if you are embracing femininity it doesn't mean you can't be masculine in any way. I mean Marlene Dietrich rocked the tux better than anyone, man or woman.

But still, to play a bit of devil's advocate, I would try and talk to someone before you make a decision. You've had a pretty big week with being a girl with parents taking you shopping, getting family to try and use pronouns and all that work business, so I can see why it would be on your brain pan more than usual as a "thing".
Of course it could just be the trigger to something else :smallsmile:


@ Laura - I'm so sorry it didn't go well, and you didn't sound childish at all - you sound far more composed than I know I would be in your situation.
There's not much more I can add that others haven't already said besides my best wishes.



Aye. I just have hope that after the actual changes things will settle down into the happy humdrum background noise they always were. When you hit a speed bump, you get jostled, but you settle eventually. It's what humans do.

If you mean settle down as in us back together, it's not going to happen. The decision is made and various things are in motion that will mean we won't be getting back together, mostly to do with kids and stuff but also boring things like living arrangements and whatnot. We're not really at the age or stage in our lives where we can wait and see anymore, especially as it could be something that could take years of waiting.

On a more positive note, a couple of pics:

Dresses need ironing, they're fresh out of the mail:

http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/05_zps924a484e.jpg


http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/06_zpse39c475b.jpg

[Kindablue]

All sex is gross. I hear that's part of the appeal.
I think it was Tennessee Williams who said nothing human disgusts me, unless it's unkind or violent. He never saw the Internet though. And it's not like they jeered that guy out of the bread line in 18th century France; he's going to be alright not getting that pizza.

[Eurus]

You know, "Genderfluid" sounds like an awesome name for a cocktail, but what would be the ingredients for it though?

That actually sounds like a rather unsettling name, personally. "Gender fluid"? :smalltongue:

[Coidzor]

That actually sounds like a rather unsettling name, personally. "Gender fluid"? :smalltongue:

Better than Sex Fluid, at least. :smallconfused:

Laura: I'm going to have to side with Keveak on this one and go with my initial gut reaction that your mother sounds like she's being emotionally abusive and manipulative, sorry.

If she hasn't always been this way, then you might consider making a push for relationship counseling rather than cutting her out of your life as much as you possibly can at every opportunity.

Helio: I wish I could say something suitably uplifting about not getting discouraged with the search for a good fit, but I'm not the right person for it anyway so I'll just say good luck.

[Mina Kobold]

If you mean settle down as in us back together, it's not going to happen. The decision is made and various things are in motion that will mean we won't be getting back together, mostly to do with kids and stuff but also boring things like living arrangements and whatnot. We're not really at the age or stage in our lives where we can wait and see anymore, especially as it could be something that could take years of waiting.

On a more positive note, a couple of pics:

Dresses need ironing, they're fresh out of the mail:

http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/05_zps924a484e.jpg


http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/06_zpse39c475b.jpg

Impossible love is always a sad thing, but I hope both of you find a future that you can enjoy and share as friends. Perhaps you may one day look back with nostalgia from lives unimagined by even the best science fiction writers. :smallsmile:

Those pictures are most lovable, though I sadly never have been good at judging these particular styles well. I think my sense of fashion is leaping between the 1800s and sometime in the next millennium. Yet you still look great in them! ^_^


That actually sounds like a rather unsettling name, personally. "Gender fluid"? :smalltongue:

A super-advanced mix of hormones and nanomachines that change your traits to match your gender identity, perhaps? :3

I wish we had something like that... ^_^'

[Lycunadari]

I'm too lazy to multiquote.

@ Helio: There's not much I can say to help you further, sadly. But I guess the stuff the others said is better than anything I could come up with anyway. *hugs*

@Laura: *hugs* I really hope your mum makes up her mind!

Somehow I feel like I never have any usefull advise. Or any advise at all. ._.

@Zorg: Your dress is really cute! And that skirt! All of that clothes, really! But what have you done with your feet? They look awfully hurt. :smalleek:

@Kender/Asta: I'm so sad his cat died. But at least he had a long, nice life with Asta.

Hugs/cookies for everyone else who needs them.

Something personal (spoilered for rambling):
The last few weeks I was feeling mostly agendered but still confused, so on the last day of school before the holidays I made another experiment. This day is among my friend always "dress different"-day. My friends usually go "full gothic/punk", but I decided to try something, well, different. I altered some of my clothes and borrowed a bow tie from my father and went to school in mostly male, and rather outdated, looking clothes. I got a lot of strange looks but no comments (aside from a hangoverish girl who said how nice I was dessed in comparison to her) , and I had a lot of fun at flirting with my friends :smallbiggrin:
But, during the day, I was feeling more and more uncomfortable, so that I actually changed clothes in the evening. The next day I felt fully female, more female than in weeks. It was ... strange. It stayed about two days, than my femaleness was fading again, and by now I'm feeling again mostly agendered.
It's confusing. *sigh* But, at least I now know that during my agender-phases I'm really genderless and not somehow male. That's something, I guess.

[Coidzor]

Lycunadari: I'm sorry to ask, but what do you mean by outdated?


Dresses need ironing, they're fresh out of the mail:
http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/06_zpse39c475b.jpg

That second dress is really pretty, at least from what I can see of it. Or is the coat-like element actually part of the dress? Because if so that's actually pretty nifty. The scarf is neat too, though I'm kind of confused by the Westie and whether it's a part of the coat or merely fastened to it.

[Triscuitable]

I'm starting to wonder why all my relationships end up becoming such confusing endeavors. This is the first big hurdle we've had to deal with as a couple, and it's HUGE. Most couples just have to argue about friends and stuff, right?

I just want to mash every key on my keyboard silly. My entire head is just a mess. No, I am not going to play Hotline Miami; that is not going to help!

Maybe I should start dressing in drag, and tell my parents about my own thoughts on the matter.

I'm a bloody coward. I know they'll be accepting of it, but it's just so nerve-wracking.

[Irish Musician]

On a more positive note, a couple of pics:
Dresses need ironing, they're fresh out of the mail:
http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/05_zps924a484e.jpg
http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/06_zpse39c475b.jpg
Oh honey, that dress is SUPER.....I don't know. Cute definitely, but almost Audrey Hebburn in a Sun Dress....to me anyway :smallsmile:

Somehow I feel like I never have any usefull advise. Or any advise at all. ._.
A shoulder to lean/cry on, sometimes, is all that someone needs :smallwink:


Something personal (spoilered for rambling):
The last few weeks I was feeling mostly agendered but still confused, so on the last day of school before the holidays I made another experiment. This day is among my friend always "dress different"-day. My friends usually go "full gothic/punk", but I decided to try something, well, different. I altered some of my clothes and borrowed a bow tie from my father and went to school in mostly male, and rather outdated, looking clothes. I got a lot of strange looks but no comments (aside from a hangoverish girl who said how nice I was dessed in comparison to her) , and I had a lot of fun at flirting with my friends :smallbiggrin:
But, during the day, I was feeling more and more uncomfortable, so that I actually changed clothes in the evening. The next day I felt fully female, more female than in weeks. It was ... strange. It stayed about two days, than my femaleness was fading again, and by now I'm feeling again mostly agendered.
It's confusing. *sigh* But, at least I now know that during my agender-phases I'm really genderless and not somehow male. That's something, I guess.
Well, the road to figuing out who you are isn't a short one. At least you seem to be figuring something out, which is super awesome! I am very happy for you!

~Matthew~

[Selpharia]

Thanks so much everyone. Reading everybody's awesome and supportive responses made me feel a lot better about the whole thing. I've been getting the cold shoulder from my mother since last night, except for her wanting to know who I told what, and just general talking about things like packing, which dodge the issue. Knowing her, she's probably confused why I don't want to talk to her. I'm going home tomorrow though, so at least I won't have to deal with that for much longer.


Oh Laura dear, I am so sorry. It doesn't sound childish at all. These situations just make me so mad Your mom needs to take her ego out of it and just see past how this is supposedly affecting her (which it isn't) and at the very least acknowledge the fact that, you are your own person, with your own feelings, and you are more in tune with how you feel than she is. I don't mean to hate on her or anything at all, I just get super frustrated in situations like this. I am sorry it is happening to you dear.

Thanks, Matthew. I like a good session on a soapbox myself now and then, and yours was a lovely example. I canunderstand her hesitstion and all of the things she said, because I think Lixie's right and she's wrong for all the right reasons. She is emotionally manipulative in the extreme though, and I can't wait to get away from it.

I was going to omit that, but then I finally got a callback from a company that I applied to in the fall and would be ecstatic to work at, because the job is what I've wanted to do for a really long time, and the organization looks to be, at least on paper, very accepting of LGBTQ people. My father congratulated me but my mother's first questions were whether I had thought through how "what I am doing" will affect my career opportunities, so I really can'tr chalk it up to the heat of the moment.


Grateful for _what_? People don't get cookies and gratitude for meeting basic levels of decency, like _not_ throwing their kids out of the house. No no, honey, you are right to be angry and upset, your mother dealt with that poorly and any reasonable person who had part of their identity denied or shut down like that would be angry and upset. Your feelings are legitimate. She is the one being childish; refusing to really listen to what you're saying, clinging to her own ideas of what you "should" be or do, and acting frankly petulantly. I'm loath to just write her off, I mean, everyone copes badly sometimes and she could come around after the shock has worn off. I'm so glad you have your aunt to talk to, and I'm also really impressed you came out to your mother even though you knew she probably wouldn't deal with it so well, that was brave of you.

I know I use *hugs* a lot, but I really just want to hop a plane to Ireland, and find you to give you a huge hug for this (And only a little bit because it would mean I could go back to Ireland). It's sometimes hard for me to judge what is and isn't reasonable when it comes to my mother's reaction, just because I tend to give her a lot of slack, because I know her so well and I do respect her a lot, even though at times like this, she shows her worst sides. I'm always worried about getting angry about things because when I do, I go full tilt, and I almost always end up saying or doing something I regret, and and up feeling like a raging hair-beast, which does nothing good for my dysphoria. I do think I could have said things better, but it's nice to know other people think she was out of line.


Glad to hear that your aunt was much better about it and that your roommate is supportive. I don't think you were unnecessarily angry or in any way childish, you handled it quite well and seem to be very good at looking at the issue from different angles. Even when your parent tried to use your fear of intimacy and confidence issues, you seem to be doing very well. Just remember that there is no evidence that any of those ever tied into delusions about transness (or that such delusions exist) and I am sure you can overcome your parent's meanness.

Kobolds are especially adorable on soapboxes! I really appreciate the complements, and the confirming of what I thought about such "delusions." I told my mom I didn't think they correlated, but she sensed weakness and pounced anyway.

I don't think my mother is evil though, at least not intentionally, she just really thinks what she says is true, doesn't understand how much or why it hurts, and wants to "improve" things. I'm less and less inclined to make excuses for her though, sicne everyone else decent I talked to managed to put the acceptance before the questions and the counter-arguments, and the ridiculous proof requirements. It's hard to believe, but in D&D terms, she's Lawful Good overall most of the time, just not Lawful Nice when she disagrees.

Honestly, I think the only thing that will bring her around is having to accept me being happy in transition. So I'm going to buy myself a couple outfits with Christmas gifts to start up my girl closet and get on with my life. I fulfilled my filial duty in telling her, and I'm going to do what I want and need to do to be happy no matter what she says.

I didn't tell her my name, though, I don't see why she should know that if she's going to be this way about it. She'd probably just use it to mock me.

I know I didn't quote everyone's replies directly, but they were all wonderful, and I love the entire thread and everyone in it.

@Lycundari- I'm glad that you're figuring things out. Sometimes it's the littlest discoveries that mean the most.

@Zorg Your clothes are so classy and you look great!

~Laura

[Mynxae]

*hugs* for Helio.

I hope things get clearer soon.

So, I came out to my mom last night. It didn't go very well, but at least she's not throwing me out or anything.

Spoilered for angst and ramble


My mom pretty muvh argued that I just think I'm trans because I have convinced myself both that no one will ever love me as I am, and that being a woman would make filling the emotional and physical needs of a relationship easier. Naturally, she was really skeptical that I had thought things through properly, and said "You've only been seeing [my counselor] for four months, that's not very long, how can you be sure?" discounting what I'd told her about feeling like this for years, and more strongly as time went on. She made sure of course, to endlessly harp on about how hard it is to transition (despite not actually knowing anything about it, or understanding that not transitioning gets just as hard) She also discounted my therapist, since he's trans, she said it was like getting a medical opinion from a surgeon on whether or not you should have surgery, they'll say yes. She told me that in order to satisfy her need for "proof" I would have to get a second opinion and "try a standard [read:heterosexual male] relationship. Because apparently I should find a girl and lead her on to prove to my mother that I'm what I say I am.

And since she thinks I'm deluding myself, there's no worth in how good its felt to start using a new name, shave my legs, let my hair grow and act more femininely when I can, or how I really do feel more comfortable dealing with a relationship as a woman. And of course, if I get upset when she repeatedly tells me that she's never thought I was out of place as a guy, and how I'm fundamentally incapable of having enough self-worth to judge correctly, I'm just being unreasonable because she's being "totally supportive" and just raising "concerns" like how everyone in the world will be disgusted by a trans woman with a limp. Thankfully, I could talk to my aunt right afterward and she didn't require I jump through any hoops and actually believed in my ability to decide for myself, so I only spent four hours agonizingly turning every "concern" my mother had raised about my fear of intimacy and lack of self-confidence over and over in my mind instead of eight. And I just made myself angry and felt horrifically dysphoric and un-feminine all night.

Things are a little better today. I've decided I'll get a second opinion at some point maybe, but if my mother is looking for me to be in a relationship as a man, she'll be looking for a long time. She now wants to know everything I've told anyone about this [she was shocked that my roommate didn't care] and when I'm going to tell my dad, so they can have "productive discussions," whatever that means, but I've no intention of letting her know. How nice of her to try to manage this for me :smallannoyed:

Sorry if this sounds really angry and childish, I should probably be more grateful, but the smug superiority my mother had going the whole time has really gotten under my skin.





~Laura


I'm starting to wonder why all my relationships end up becoming such confusing endeavors. This is the first big hurdle we've had to deal with as a couple, and it's HUGE. Most couples just have to argue about friends and stuff, right?

I just want to mash every key on my keyboard silly. My entire head is just a mess. No, I am not going to play Hotline Miami; that is not going to help!

Maybe I should start dressing in drag, and tell my parents about my own thoughts on the matter.

I'm a bloody coward. I know they'll be accepting of it, but it's just so nerve-wracking.

<3 *hugs to all who need them* <3

~ Max

[Lentrax]

Dangit, you folks need to stop being so active while I am asleep!

Just kidding, though it does make it hard for me to not think I left anyone out. If I do *hugs.*

Zorg: Cute dresses! Especially that second number there. Very super awesome!

Laura: Everyone here has already expressed thier feelings on the matter, and I hate to sound like I am copying everyone elses words. So I'll just go ahead and tell you I have an open message box if you need to talk.

Lucy: Figuring yourself out is part of life, hon. At least you have an idea of what you want, even if its just to know what you are. That is still more than a lot of people I know have.

Helio: Sorry you are having trouble. But for finding someone you can speak with, it is really going to come down to your comfort. And yeah, it may take two or three or four therapists until you find one you are comfortable with. Don't be afraid to tell them you are uncomfortable with them, they are in a far better position to try and help you find someone you are comfortable with than most of us here.

Love you all. You are all wonderful beautiful people, no matter what you look like, present as, feel about yourselves, or what others think of you.

I love you all. *hugs*

[noparlpf]

Hey guys, how do you think one should deal with a parent who keeps nagging an asexual child to try a relationship on the principle "don't knock it before you try it"? To me that's the same as telling your gay kid to try a heterosexual relationship before coming out to anybody else because "it could just be a phase" or whatever BS. My mum is at least willing to just ignore it even if she doesn't think I'm actually asexual, so I didn't have to deal with that particular kind of nagging myself. Anyway, she seems willing to just ignore it, but I'm a mite nosey on occasion.

[TechnoScrabble]

Parents, man...just...parents.

Well, in my case, parent, because my dad and stepmom are cool with it. It's mom that decided to throw a fit.

But I'm now moved into positivespace's flat, so hugs all around, and next time someone's driving through Kansas, I'll lend you some kimchi.

[turkishproverb]

*Hugs to those who need them*


Congrats technoscrabble!

[Mina Kobold]

Kobolds are especially adorable on soapboxes! I really appreciate the complements, and the confirming of what I thought about such "delusions." I told my mom I didn't think they correlated, but she sensed weakness and pounced anyway.

Aww, thanks. :smallredface:

You're welcome, just hope people will begin to learn that pouncing on insecurities does not mean they are right. >_<


I don't think my mother is evil though, at least not intentionally, she just really thinks what she says is true, doesn't understand how much or why it hurts, and wants to "improve" things. I'm less and less inclined to make excuses for her though, sicne everyone else decent I talked to managed to put the acceptance before the questions and the counter-arguments, and the ridiculous proof requirements. It's hard to believe, but in D&D terms, she's Lawful Good overall most of the time, just not Lawful Nice when she disagrees.

That does not necessarily make it not evil. To use an outdated cliché; the road to [Bad underworld here] is paved with good intentions. Most people do honestly believe they are right and are doing good, but that does not stop them from harming others who are doing nothing wrong. Whether that is evil is up to you, though. ^_^'

I think it can help to think of the fact that the paragons of Lawful Good, Paladins, are known to be cruel and put adherence to nonsensical rules above Good. They may do much Good when the two overlap, but that does not excuse their actions when they do not. :smallsmile:

My goodness, I got up on the soapbox again. Excuse me, don't listen to the crazy Kobold!


Honestly, I think the only thing that will bring her around is having to accept me being happy in transition. So I'm going to buy myself a couple outfits with Christmas gifts to start up my girl closet and get on with my life. I fulfilled my filial duty in telling her, and I'm going to do what I want and need to do to be happy no matter what she says.

I didn't tell her my name, though, I don't see why she should know that if she's going to be this way about it. She'd probably just use it to mock me.

I know I didn't quote everyone's replies directly, but they were all wonderful, and I love the entire thread and everyone in it.

~Laura

To use an old phrase; You go, girl! ^_^

Hope your parent comes around after seeing how happy it makes you, keep up doing what makes you happy! :smallsmile:


Hey guys, how do you think one should deal with a parent who keeps nagging an asexual child to try a relationship on the principle "don't knock it before you try it"? To me that's the same as telling your gay kid to try a heterosexual relationship before coming out to anybody else because "it could just be a phase" or whatever BS. My mum is at least willing to just ignore it even if she doesn't think I'm actually asexual, so I didn't have to deal with that particular kind of nagging myself. Anyway, she seems willing to just ignore it, but I'm a mite nosey on occasion.

Ask if they have tried X thing they don't want to, like eating spiders if they don't like spiders. Or for that matter, why heterosexual people are not questionable if they never tried same-sex sex or long-term celibacy. From what I have read, it is quite normal for people to fail at the latter, but that is seen as a proof that they are heterosexual. Double-standard much? :3

Also, even if someone is just in a phase, that is no reason not to let them act as they want in that phase. Never seen why someone not wanting sex or just wanting it with members of Gender Group Delta should only be allowed if it is for life. ^_^'


Parents, man...just...parents.

Well, in my case, parent, because my dad and stepmom are cool with it. It's mom that decided to throw a fit.

But I'm now moved into positivespace's flat, so hugs all around, and next time someone's driving through Kansas, I'll lend you some kimchi.

Yay for positivespace and chill parentses! ^_^

No idea what Kimchi is, but this Kobold will take you up on it if I ever visit Kansas. :smallsmile:

[KenderWizard]

I know I use *hugs* a lot, but I really just want to hop a plane to Ireland, and find you to give you a huge hug for this (And only a little bit because it would mean I could go back to Ireland). It's sometimes hard for me to judge what is and isn't reasonable when it comes to my mother's reaction, just because I tend to give her a lot of slack, because I know her so well and I do respect her a lot, even though at times like this, she shows her worst sides. I'm always worried about getting angry about things because when I do, I go full tilt, and I almost always end up saying or doing something I regret, and and up feeling like a raging hair-beast, which does nothing good for my dysphoria. I do think I could have said things better, but it's nice to know other people think she was out of line.


((hugs!)) Sometimes an outside perspective is really useful to know if someone's being unreasonable or not, and that's part of why we're here! :smallsmile:


Hey guys, how do you think one should deal with a parent who keeps nagging an asexual child to try a relationship on the principle "don't knock it before you try it"? To me that's the same as telling your gay kid to try a heterosexual relationship before coming out to anybody else because "it could just be a phase" or whatever BS. My mum is at least willing to just ignore it even if she doesn't think I'm actually asexual, so I didn't have to deal with that particular kind of nagging myself. Anyway, she seems willing to just ignore it, but I'm a mite nosey on occasion.

(a) "Let me do this in my own time."
(b) "Have you tried same-sex sex?" "Have you tried polygamy?" "Have you tried EVERYTHING?!"
(c) "Does it really really matter to you if I'm in a relationship right now and, if so, why?"
(d) All of the above.

[Triscuitable]

How can I talk to my partner without setting them off? I just want to be able to clarify a few things with them, but it feels like treading on gender-related timebombs.

[Socratov]

You know, "Genderfluid" sounds like an awesome name for a cocktail, but what would be the ingredients for it though?
Dark rum, liquor 43, lime juice, iced tea, stirred, served over ice in a collins glass, garnished with an orange peel (I guess). It has both male (dark rum), and female (43) oriented taste elements with the lemon twist and bittersweet of the iced tea, stirred to combine and incorporate in one drink.

For asexual (or agender) I'd go for wodka base (very limited taste and scent) with cassis which is neither here nor there.


Anyway, hugs for laura and trisc for their troubles. I have some room left in my pmbox if you need honest and slighty blunt feedback on thoughts. (Before you ask, apparently I subconsciously specialize in verbal blunt force trauma according to some people)

[TechnoScrabble]

No idea what Kimchi is, but this Kobold will take you up on it if I ever visit Kansas. :smallsmile:

:smalleek:

Okay, okay, here's what you do. You grab some cabbage, onion, and whatever other veggies you want, stick them in a pot with an arseload of spices, throw that underground, and wait for a few weeks/months.

I typically serve it with noodles and some sort of meat or fish that compliments the batch.

[noparlpf]

That does not necessarily make it not evil. To use an outdated cliché; the road to [Bad underworld here] is paved with good intentions. Most people do honestly believe they are right and are doing good, but that does not stop them from harming others who are doing nothing wrong. Whether that is evil is up to you, though. ^_^'

I think it can help to think of the fact that the paragons of Lawful Good, Paladins, are known to be cruel and put adherence to nonsensical rules above Good. They may do much Good when the two overlap, but that does not excuse their actions when they do not. :smallsmile:

My goodness, I got up on the soapbox again. Excuse me, don't listen to the crazy Kobold!

There are Lawful Good Paladins and there are Lawful Good Paladins and then you just have Lawful Stupid Paladins. You're thinking of the latter.


Ask if they have tried X thing they don't want to, like eating spiders if they don't like spiders. Or for that matter, why heterosexual people are not questionable if they never tried same-sex sex or long-term celibacy. From what I have read, it is quite normal for people to fail at the latter, but that is seen as a proof that they are heterosexual. Double-standard much? :3

Also, even if someone is just in a phase, that is no reason not to let them act as they want in that phase. Never seen why someone not wanting sex or just wanting it with members of Gender Group Delta should only be allowed if it is for life. ^_^'

Yeah, I pointed out the double standard thing. Dunno.


(a) "Let me do this in my own time."
(b) "Have you tried same-sex sex?" "Have you tried polygamy?" "Have you tried EVERYTHING?!"
(c) "Does it really really matter to you if I'm in a relationship right now and, if so, why?"
(d) All of the above.

Yeah, pointed out the double standard there myself.
She says her mum thinks romance can make people happy, therefore it's a good thing for anybody to try. She's one of those supportive parents who doesn't care if their kid dates a guy or a girl, but thinks they really ought to be dating somebody. She also said that her mum might think it's about trust, but I don't see how non-romantic friendships can't fulfill that. Dunno.
Like I said, she doesn't seem to mind all that much, I just tend to get nosey, and overbearing or nagging parents sets me off a little bit.


:smalleek:

Okay, okay, here's what you do. You grab some cabbage, onion, and whatever other veggies you want, stick them in a pot with an arseload of spices, throw that underground, and wait for a few weeks/months.

I typically serve it with noodles and some sort of meat or fish that compliments the batch.

I had some at a Korean place last week. It was good but kind of really spicy.

[Astrella]

Hi again, everyone and sorry for not posting in a while... I was really sure how to reply to all your lovely compliments and the good advice (thanks a ton for those by the way, they made me feel really good about myself. :smallredface: You folks are the best. :smallsmile:) and then I just kept delaying replying and I've been feeling a bit drained in general.

Happy (belated) new year!

Also hugs for everyone and if I'm not replying to you that's probably cause someone has already said the stuff I wanted to say but you still have my sympathies and thoughts with me.

Self-update: No prescriptions yet. Went hunting the post offices without succes and in the end I just called my endo again and they're resending the prescriptions. If they don't arrive now I'm just going to pick them up in person. >.> Also still haven't really figured out what to do storing wise...

-----

@Kender; that really sucks to hear about Asta's cat; I know he really adored him. Could you pass along well-wishes on behalf of the thread if you haven't already?


Third thing: You have very pretty lips. Beautiful classic bow shape and nice fullness and they look very soft and I'mjustgoingtostopmyselfthereokgood :smallwink:

Oh my... :smallredface:


@ Me update: Xmas was ok, pretty sad for some of it being first without ex-GF (and she loves xmas), but otherwise ok. Almost 70 hour week leading into it, and now I've got a cold, but still good.

My bro and his partner gave me some makeup wich was really sweet, though I had to quickly conceal it with my nana and daughter in the room, which was a bit :/
Got money from parents which - and I know you'll all be shocked, shocked I say, to hear - I have converted into clothes.

Otehrwise not much going on. Few weeks until my appointment with the endo, which I'm a bit nervous about as I don't know what's going to be required and I'm worried I'll get regected because I'm missing something or haven't gotten some sign off or whatever. Should be ok, but I'm not a fan of going into the unknown.

Stuff with your ex sounds sucky, Zorg, I'm sorry to hear that. That's a really neat gesture from your brother though. And I'm sure the endo appointment will go well. For me it was just a really short summary of stuff and filing in medical info and a few tests and such, nothing that's really huge or worrisome.


Cute! I especially like the way you've got that bit of your bangs twirled up. My hair's so fine it refuses to be shaped in any meaningful way without chemical coaxing. I'm so jealous!

Oh, that really wasn't intentional, my hair sorta has a will of it's own these days. :smalltongue: Glad you liked it though. :smallredface:


I'm rather confused at what has just happened. I think my girlfriend just came out to me as trans*, but she's "mid way" as she calls it (not in terms of HRT or SRS). I'm quite confused and don't really know how to handle this, despite actually almost putting myself in the same situation with her. At this point, I guess we're both just gender-confused teens, but she seems pretty keen on transitioning.

I just want someone to talk to.

Give yourself enough time to process this, cause it's a pretty big reveal no matter who you are. Once you've gone through the initial shock there'll be plenty of time to talk, but you need to process this new information on your own a bit first I think.

*all of the hugs and sympathies*


Spoilered for angst and ramble


My mom pretty muvh argued that I just think I'm trans because I have convinced myself both that no one will ever love me as I am, and that being a woman would make filling the emotional and physical needs of a relationship easier. Naturally, she was really skeptical that I had thought things through properly, and said "You've only been seeing [my counselor] for four months, that's not very long, how can you be sure?" discounting what I'd told her about feeling like this for years, and more strongly as time went on. She made sure of course, to endlessly harp on about how hard it is to transition (despite not actually knowing anything about it, or understanding that not transitioning gets just as hard) She also discounted my therapist, since he's trans, she said it was like getting a medical opinion from a surgeon on whether or not you should have surgery, they'll say yes. She told me that in order to satisfy her need for "proof" I would have to get a second opinion and "try a standard [read:heterosexual male] relationship. Because apparently I should find a girl and lead her on to prove to my mother that I'm what I say I am.

And since she thinks I'm deluding myself, there's no worth in how good its felt to start using a new name, shave my legs, let my hair grow and act more femininely when I can, or how I really do feel more comfortable dealing with a relationship as a woman. And of course, if I get upset when she repeatedly tells me that she's never thought I was out of place as a guy, and how I'm fundamentally incapable of having enough self-worth to judge correctly, I'm just being unreasonable because she's being "totally supportive" and just raising "concerns" like how everyone in the world will be disgusted by a trans woman with a limp. Thankfully, I could talk to my aunt right afterward and she didn't require I jump through any hoops and actually believed in my ability to decide for myself, so I only spent four hours agonizingly turning every "concern" my mother had raised about my fear of intimacy and lack of self-confidence over and over in my mind instead of eight. And I just made myself angry and felt horrifically dysphoric and un-feminine all night.

Things are a little better today. I've decided I'll get a second opinion at some point maybe, but if my mother is looking for me to be in a relationship as a man, she'll be looking for a long time. She now wants to know everything I've told anyone about this [she was shocked that my roommate didn't care] and when I'm going to tell my dad, so they can have "productive discussions," whatever that means, but I've no intention of letting her know. How nice of her to try to manage this for me :smallannoyed:

Sorry if this sounds really angry and childish, I should probably be more grateful, but the smug superiority my mother had going the whole time has really gotten under my skin.





~Laura

Nothing angry or childish about this, Laura. Your mother is acting pretty horribly here... it doesn't matter that she thinks you can manage pretending to be a guy or stuff like that, you know how you feel, not her and you know yourself best. If she was fully supportive she'd listen to you, rather then tell you what to do. Ask you how she can help you with this and not throw up additional roadblocks.

*jumbo jet of hugs on the way*


Dresses need ironing, they're fresh out of the mail:

http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/05_zps924a484e.jpg


http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/06_zpse39c475b.jpg

Neat! :smallbiggrin:

The second picture is broken for me though. :smallfrown:


Something personal (spoilered for rambling):
The last few weeks I was feeling mostly agendered but still confused, so on the last day of school before the holidays I made another experiment. This day is among my friend always "dress different"-day. My friends usually go "full gothic/punk", but I decided to try something, well, different. I altered some of my clothes and borrowed a bow tie from my father and went to school in mostly male, and rather outdated, looking clothes. I got a lot of strange looks but no comments (aside from a hangoverish girl who said how nice I was dessed in comparison to her) , and I had a lot of fun at flirting with my friends :smallbiggrin:
But, during the day, I was feeling more and more uncomfortable, so that I actually changed clothes in the evening. The next day I felt fully female, more female than in weeks. It was ... strange. It stayed about two days, than my femaleness was fading again, and by now I'm feeling again mostly agendered.
It's confusing. *sigh* But, at least I now know that during my agender-phases I'm really genderless and not somehow male. That's something, I guess.

It's really confusing and it sucks that it can be so hard to figure stuff out. But hey, it sounds like (at least initially) you had a great time and you seem to have learned a bit more about yourself, so that's pretty neat? :smallsmile:

[Mynxae]

Me ranting, enter if you dare. :smallfrown:

Recently single as of last night (complicated story as to why I broke up with him), I've already been looking for someone else because, well... I can't help it. I hate being alone. Damn Anuptaphobia (fear of being single). I almost didn't break up with him because of that fear, of being alone. I just hate it. I feel so empty... And then now that I'm single, I'm moody, both cranky and depressed, swinging into highs and lows.

Heck, I can go onto a dating site, request to be a friend on someone's profile who I think would actually be a decent boyfriend, and when they reject me, well.. It's like a part of me dies inside, or something like that. A sinking feeling that just makes me feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, and never will be. Or at least anyone who doesn't lie to me. Every single partner I've had over the past year, I've had to break up with because they lied to me about this or that major thing. I was brought up partially by my mother, and then by my father. My Mum is a compulsive liar, which I hated. My Dad and Stepmum hate lying with a passion, hence why I fit in so well when I lived with them... I just... Can't there be anyone decent in the world for me? At all? I'm beginning to feel that way... :smallfrown:

[turkishproverb]

Even if you're not in a romanti relationship with us, we're here for you. :smallsmile:

*Hugs* Sorry we can't give more. I can tell you there's plenty of time to find someone though.

[Mina Kobold]

As Turkishproverb said, we are here for you, even if we cannot help you directly, Mynxae. :smallsmile:

I am sure there are plenty decent people for you out there. Humans are not that different, and the chances of someone valuing honesty and being a candidate for a relationship with you are quite certainly higher than one-in-a-million (compulsive lying is by far less common than honesty). But even if they were not, there are 7000 one-in-a-million people in the world at every time, so never give up! ^_^

And even if it seems hopeless, remember that your Dad and Stepmum found each other, so why should you not be able to find someone too? :smallsmile:

[Socratov]

I would like to point out that according to terry pratchett one-in-a-million chances seem to pan out 9 times out of 10 :smallwink:

[Lycunadari]

Lycunadari: I'm sorry to ask, but what do you mean by outdated?


Maybe outdated was the wrong word, but I meant really old, formal clothes. Like knickerbockers, stockings and a hat. Would old-fashioned be a better word?





A shoulder to lean/cry on, sometimes, is all that someone needs :smallwink:

But it's difficult to offer a shoulder across the Internet! :smallwink:



Well, the road to figuing out who you are isn't a short one. At least you seem to be figuring something out, which is super awesome! I am very happy for you!

Thank you! I'm glad about every little step I can take on this road. :smallsmile:



Lucy: Figuring yourself out is part of life, hon. At least you have an idea of what you want, even if its just to know what you are. That is still more than a lot of people I know have.

I know, I just sometimes think that if I hadn't started questioning everything about myself so much (not only gender), I could be happy (even if that meant that I wouldn't know myself) instead of confused or worse. *sigh*


Love you all. You are all wonderful beautiful people, no matter what you look like, present as, feel about yourselves, or what others think of you.

I love you all. *hugs*
You're wonderful as well. I'm glad you're here. :smallsmile:


I'm starting to wonder why all my relationships end up becoming such confusing endeavors. This is the first big hurdle we've had to deal with as a couple, and it's HUGE. Most couples just have to argue about friends and stuff, right?

I just want to mash every key on my keyboard silly. My entire head is just a mess. No, I am not going to play Hotline Miami; that is not going to help!

Maybe I should start dressing in drag, and tell my parents about my own thoughts on the matter.

I'm a bloody coward. I know they'll be accepting of it, but it's just so nerve-wracking.
*hugs* I hope you find a way to sort things out with your SO. We're all here to listen if you want to talk about it.


Hi again, everyone and sorry for not posting in a while... I was really sure how to reply to all your lovely compliments and the good advice (thanks a ton for those by the way, they made me feel really good about myself. :smallredface: You folks are the best. :smallsmile:) and then I just kept delaying replying and I've been feeling a bit drained in general.

Happy (belated) new year!

Also hugs for everyone and if I'm not replying to you that's probably cause someone has already said the stuff I wanted to say but you still have my sympathies and thoughts with me.

Self-update: No prescriptions yet. Went hunting the post offices without succes and in the end I just called my endo again and they're resending the prescriptions. If they don't arrive now I'm just going to pick them up in person. >.> Also still haven't really figured out what to do storing wise...



Welcome back! I hope you get your prescriptions soon and without further hurdles!



It's really confusing and it sucks that it can be so hard to figure stuff out. But hey, it sounds like (at least initially) you had a great time and you seem to have learned a bit more about yourself, so that's pretty neat? :smallsmile:
Yes, I had a great time, I love dressing up. :smallsmile: And I guess if I figure out enough small things, sooner or (probably) later I'll stop being confused. ^^


Me ranting, enter if you dare. :smallfrown:

Recently single as of last night (complicated story as to why I broke up with him), I've already been looking for someone else because, well... I can't help it. I hate being alone. Damn Anuptaphobia (fear of being single). I almost didn't break up with him because of that fear, of being alone. I just hate it. I feel so empty... And then now that I'm single, I'm moody, both cranky and depressed, swinging into highs and lows.

Heck, I can go onto a dating site, request to be a friend on someone's profile who I think would actually be a decent boyfriend, and when they reject me, well.. It's like a part of me dies inside, or something like that. A sinking feeling that just makes me feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, and never will be. Or at least anyone who doesn't lie to me. Every single partner I've had over the past year, I've had to break up with because they lied to me about this or that major thing. I was brought up partially by my mother, and then by my father. My Mum is a compulsive liar, which I hated. My Dad and Stepmum hate lying with a passion, hence why I fit in so well when I lived with them... I just... Can't there be anyone decent in the world for me? At all? I'm beginning to feel that way... :smallfrown:
*hugs* I'm sure that you will find someone who you can be happy with. :smallsmile:

[Irish Musician]

How can I talk to my partner without setting them off? I just want to be able to clarify a few things with them, but it feels like treading on gender-related timebombs.
For length
It is a hard thing to do. Sometimes, with my wife, there is a subject she is sensitive about but I need to talk to her about it, and I do my best to be as gentle as possible about it. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but the thing is, if you are feeling a certain way about something, your partner needs to know how you feel about what is going on, whether they will admit it or not (and whether they will react poorly or not). With things like that sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and go for it (albeit nicely and not meanly, obviously) and talk it out. There might be yelling and tears and hurt feelings.....but in the end once you both talk it out and get all of your feelings out in the open, you will feel much better. Negative feelings festering does nobody any good, esp in the long run.

Me ranting, enter if you dare. :smallfrown:

Recently single as of last night (complicated story as to why I broke up with him), I've already been looking for someone else because, well... I can't help it. I hate being alone. Damn Anuptaphobia (fear of being single). I almost didn't break up with him because of that fear, of being alone. I just hate it. I feel so empty... And then now that I'm single, I'm moody, both cranky and depressed, swinging into highs and lows.

Heck, I can go onto a dating site, request to be a friend on someone's profile who I think would actually be a decent boyfriend, and when they reject me, well.. It's like a part of me dies inside, or something like that. A sinking feeling that just makes me feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, and never will be. Or at least anyone who doesn't lie to me. Every single partner I've had over the past year, I've had to break up with because they lied to me about this or that major thing. I was brought up partially by my mother, and then by my father. My Mum is a compulsive liar, which I hated. My Dad and Stepmum hate lying with a passion, hence why I fit in so well when I lived with them... I just... Can't there be anyone decent in the world for me? At all? I'm beginning to feel that way... :smallfrown:
For length
I am very sorry and I hope you feel better soon. I, too, hate to be alone and used to wish nothing more than to find someone I could legitimately spend the rest of my life with. I also used to think that no one would want me, nor would I ever find anyone that would love me or want me. But ya know what....I waited and it paid off. Now I am married to my best friend and she reminds me every day that I am worth something as a person and I remind her every day that I am so lucky to have her. My point is, that you WILL find someone and when it is right, most (not all) of that self-doubt and negative thinking will fly out the window because they will remind you that...."Here, here is someone that loves me for me and they want me to stay that way." I know, believe me, it is hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there. I hope this helps even a little bit.

~Matthew~

[noparlpf]

I would like to point out that according to terry pratchett one-in-a-million chances seem to pan out 9 times out of 10 :smallwink:

But that book was intentionally quite silly. Therefore not a reliable source of proverbs or truisms.

Mynxae, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't really know what to say besides that being single doesn't say anything about how good a person you are.

[Heliomance]

I've adopted a policy of malicious obedience as regards my manager. I may not be allowed to dress girl on the floor, but he can't stop me turning up as a girl and getting changed there. I don't think he's noticed yet, though.

[KenderWizard]

I would like to point out that one-in-a-million chances pan out 9 times out of ten ... in fiction and on the Discworld. In real life, I'm afraid, odds are odds. :smallwink:




Yeah, pointed out the double standard there myself.
She says her mum thinks romance can make people happy, therefore it's a good thing for anybody to try. She's one of those supportive parents who doesn't care if their kid dates a guy or a girl, but thinks they really ought to be dating somebody. She also said that her mum might think it's about trust, but I don't see how non-romantic friendships can't fulfill that. Dunno.
Like I said, she doesn't seem to mind all that much, I just tend to get nosey, and overbearing or nagging parents sets me off a little bit.


Kinda sounds like you got it covered, then. Maybe just try letting it go a bit? Not my usual line of advice, but sometimes it's the right thing to do.




@Kender; that really sucks to hear about Asta's cat; I know he really adored him. Could you pass along well-wishes on behalf of the thread if you haven't already?


I told him we were here for him. :smallsmile: Also, welcome back! I completely know the feeling of putting off replying and then you keep putting it off and then it kind of gets away from you!


Me ranting, enter if you dare. :smallfrown:

Recently single as of last night (complicated story as to why I broke up with him), I've already been looking for someone else because, well... I can't help it. I hate being alone. Damn Anuptaphobia (fear of being single). I almost didn't break up with him because of that fear, of being alone. I just hate it. I feel so empty... And then now that I'm single, I'm moody, both cranky and depressed, swinging into highs and lows.

Heck, I can go onto a dating site, request to be a friend on someone's profile who I think would actually be a decent boyfriend, and when they reject me, well.. It's like a part of me dies inside, or something like that. A sinking feeling that just makes me feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, and never will be. Or at least anyone who doesn't lie to me. Every single partner I've had over the past year, I've had to break up with because they lied to me about this or that major thing. I was brought up partially by my mother, and then by my father. My Mum is a compulsive liar, which I hated. My Dad and Stepmum hate lying with a passion, hence why I fit in so well when I lived with them... I just... Can't there be anyone decent in the world for me? At all? I'm beginning to feel that way... :smallfrown:

((hugs)) I think you might need to try to explore why you feel this way. Not about lying (although, if you hate lying so much you can't tolerate harmless lies or white lies at all, then you might need to explore that too, since that'll just be super-inconvenient your whole life). But why are you so afraid of being romantically unattached? (You don't have to answer here if you don't want, this is just for you to think about.) Do you feel you have no one else to call on for support or affection when you're single? Do you feel you can't deal with the stresses of life as an individual and need the support of a partner? Do you feel that if you're single you're undesirable or not worth enough, or else someone would love you? Do you just hate sleeping alone or being alone in the evenings?

If I were you, I'd take some time to try explore those horrible feelings you have, even though that's not fun. There are a few ways you can do it, you can just take some time to yourself to think this through, maybe writing things down. Or you can talk to someone you trust about it, let them listen while you hash it out for yourself. Or you can see a therapist or counsellor, even just for one or two sessions, who'll be able to guide you through it. It sounds like you need to heal from them, and then you'll be able to concentrate on yourself and your life, and be able to approach potential relationships without being crippled by the fear of rejection, and also possibly have more freedom to be more discerning.

And we're here for you. :smallsmile:

[noparlpf]

I've adopted a policy of malicious obedience as regards my manager. I may not be allowed to dress girl on the floor, but he can't stop me turning up as a girl and getting changed there. I don't think he's noticed yet, though.

I like it. Keep it up.


Kinda sounds like you got it covered, then. Maybe just try letting it go a bit? Not my usual line of advice, but sometimes it's the right thing to do.

Yeah, probably. That's just one of those things that bugs me, so I'm being extra-nosey. Probably a good idea to just relax a bit.

[Selpharia]

I've adopted a policy of malicious obedience as regards my manager. I may not be allowed to dress girl on the floor, but he can't stop me turning up as a girl and getting changed there. I don't think he's noticed yet, though.

That's so clever, and wonderfully legalistic. I'm always in favor of technically allowed workarounds that allow people to do what they want without worrying about stupid rules that help no one. And really, the only reason you can't work as a girl is because of a technicality, so reciprocity is only fair.

[Lix Lorn]

I've adopted a policy of malicious obedience as regards my manager. I may not be allowed to dress girl on the floor, but he can't stop me turning up as a girl and getting changed there. I don't think he's noticed yet, though.
I'm sure I should object to that kind of passive aggression. I love it. xD

[KenderWizard]

I've adopted a policy of malicious obedience as regards my manager. I may not be allowed to dress girl on the floor, but he can't stop me turning up as a girl and getting changed there. I don't think he's noticed yet, though.

I'm also pro-work-to-rule! :smallbiggrin: Do what makes you happiest without getting you fired!

[Irish Musician]

I've adopted a policy of malicious obedience as regards my manager. I may not be allowed to dress girl on the floor, but he can't stop me turning up as a girl and getting changed there. I don't think he's noticed yet, though.
DAMN THE MAN!!! SAVE THE (LADY)EMPIRE!! :smallbiggrin:

[Triscuitable]

I came out to my parents about my gender-identity issues yesterday. I was actually surprised by how well-versed my mom was on the topic; she immediately offered getting me a therapist. I'm just trying to deal with school right now, so I declined, but the fact that they were willing to do that after about 5 seconds of reasoning was... Impressive.

(My parents are the epitome of a "new age" Seattle couple. Only they're not gay).

[Mynxae]

But that book was intentionally quite silly. Therefore not a reliable source of proverbs or truisms.

Mynxae, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't really know what to say besides that being single doesn't say anything about how good a person you are.

Aww. Thank you :smallsmile:


For length
I am very sorry and I hope you feel better soon. I, too, hate to be alone and used to wish nothing more than to find someone I could legitimately spend the rest of my life with. I also used to think that no one would want me, nor would I ever find anyone that would love me or want me. But ya know what....I waited and it paid off. Now I am married to my best friend and she reminds me every day that I am worth something as a person and I remind her every day that I am so lucky to have her. My point is, that you WILL find someone and when it is right, most (not all) of that self-doubt and negative thinking will fly out the window because they will remind you that...."Here, here is someone that loves me for me and they want me to stay that way." I know, believe me, it is hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there. I hope this helps even a little bit.

~Matthew~

Perhaps my 'prince charming' is just around the corner then eh? :/


*hugs* I'm sure that you will find someone who you can be happy with. :smallsmile:

Some day...


As Turkishproverb said, we are here for you, even if we cannot help you directly, Mynxae. :smallsmile:

I am sure there are plenty decent people for you out there. Humans are not that different, and the chances of someone valuing honesty and being a candidate for a relationship with you are quite certainly higher than one-in-a-million (compulsive lying is by far less common than honesty). But even if they were not, there are 7000 one-in-a-million people in the world at every time, so never give up! ^_^

And even if it seems hopeless, remember that your Dad and Stepmum found each other, so why should you not be able to find someone too? :smallsmile:

Very true...


Even if you're not in a romanti relationship with us, we're here for you. :smallsmile:

*Hugs* Sorry we can't give more. I can tell you there's plenty of time to find someone though.

*hugs* That's perfectly alright.


((hugs)) I think you might need to try to explore why you feel this way. Not about lying (although, if you hate lying so much you can't tolerate harmless lies or white lies at all, then you might need to explore that too, since that'll just be super-inconvenient your whole life). But why are you so afraid of being romantically unattached? (You don't have to answer here if you don't want, this is just for you to think about.) Do you feel you have no one else to call on for support or affection when you're single? Do you feel you can't deal with the stresses of life as an individual and need the support of a partner? Do you feel that if you're single you're undesirable or not worth enough, or else someone would love you? Do you just hate sleeping alone or being alone in the evenings?

If I were you, I'd take some time to try explore those horrible feelings you have, even though that's not fun. There are a few ways you can do it, you can just take some time to yourself to think this through, maybe writing things down. Or you can talk to someone you trust about it, let them listen while you hash it out for yourself. Or you can see a therapist or counsellor, even just for one or two sessions, who'll be able to guide you through it. It sounds like you need to heal from them, and then you'll be able to concentrate on yourself and your life, and be able to approach potential relationships without being crippled by the fear of rejection, and also possibly have more freedom to be more discerning.

And we're here for you. :smallsmile:

Little/'white' lies are fine, they're not a major issue. It's just the big ones that rattle me up and make me very angry.

But why are you so afraid of being romantically unattached?

I just hate being alone when I go to sleep. And having someone who can say every day, without fail, 'I love you'. I just feel unloved without a partner. Heck, I can have everyone in my family, all my friends, even my pseudo-family (Elemental's family) all say they love me but... It's just not the same. I don't know why. I just... Feel like it's not enough?

Do you feel you have no one else to call on for support or affection when you're single?

Exactly! Or I feel like any affection I can get when I'm single is just stuff like hugs from friends and/or family which doesn't feel the same as someone who I'm romantically attracted to.

Do you feel you can't deal with the stresses of life as an individual and need the support of a partner?

Yes, to a degree. Considering I have several mental disorders that are fairly debilitating (depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, OCD), if I have a partner and they know about all those and still care about me... Well, then I feel like they practically disappear. They make all the worry disappear. No matter what I do, I worry about it in some way. Will it impact my life? Could it ruin my life? Could I get yelled at? (angry yelling, even if it isn't at me, sets off my schizophrenia, which couples with anxiety, and then turns into severe depression)

Do you feel that if you're single you're undesirable or not worth enough, or else someone would love you?

Very much so. Whenever I'm single, I feel empty... Like I husk. When I have a boyfriend, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like I've got a cat purring inside me. I just feel... Complete. When I'm single, I feel like no-one will ever love me again, and that I'm not worth anyone's time.

Do you just hate sleeping alone or being alone in the evenings?

It is that also, to a degree. I have a toy stuffed wolf that I cuddle at night which helps keep away the nightmares that helps me sleep. Although as of last night, I swear I'm going to have one of those recurring dreams about a guy who'll be a perfect match. In the dream, they will be. Then I'll meet them in real life and they'll be a slob. It's happened before actually. But I digress. I hate sleeping alone, but I also hate that feeling that no-one loves me and never will again.

I'm expecting a call from a mental health agency any day now. They said they'd get back to me after Christmas because they were changing the computer system but they never did. :/

[Heliomance]

I'm a girl.

I can say it at last, and it feels right. I'm really hoping this one sticks. I thought I was messed up, then I thought I was androgynous, then I thought I was gender fluid. I didn't like being gender fluid though, it always annoyed me. Now I think I'm trans, and that doesn't annoy me. It feels right, it feels like who I'm supposed to be. I really hope I keep this identity now. I don't want to slip back into a male phase. I'm not afraid to be a girl anymore. I'm a girl, and I want to stay that way.

[Absol197]

I'm a girl.

I can say it at last, and it feels right. I'm really hoping this one sticks. I thought I was messed up, then I thought I was androgynous, then I thought I was gender fluid. I didn't like being gender fluid though, it always annoyed me. Now I think I'm trans, and that doesn't annoy me. It feels right, it feels like who I'm supposed to be. I really hope I keep this identity now. I don't want to slip back into a male phase. I'm not afraid to be a girl anymore. I'm a girl, and I want to stay that way.

:smallbiggrin: Three cheers for Tam!

*cheers!*


~Phoenix~

[Lix Lorn]

I'm a girl.

I can say it at last, and it feels right. I'm really hoping this one sticks. I thought I was messed up, then I thought I was androgynous, then I thought I was gender fluid. I didn't like being gender fluid though, it always annoyed me. Now I think I'm trans, and that doesn't annoy me. It feels right, it feels like who I'm supposed to be. I really hope I keep this identity now. I don't want to slip back into a male phase. I'm not afraid to be a girl anymore. I'm a girl, and I want to stay that way.
You make a beautiful girl. (hugs)
We'll all be here for you. :smallsmile:

[Mynxae]

I'm a girl.

I can say it at last, and it feels right. I'm really hoping this one sticks. I thought I was messed up, then I thought I was androgynous, then I thought I was gender fluid. I didn't like being gender fluid though, it always annoyed me. Now I think I'm trans, and that doesn't annoy me. It feels right, it feels like who I'm supposed to be. I really hope I keep this identity now. I don't want to slip back into a male phase. I'm not afraid to be a girl anymore. I'm a girl, and I want to stay that way.

Congratulations madam. *tips hat*

[Triscuitable]

Forgive me if I come off as callous, but congratulations nonetheless. I'm just wading through confusion creek without so much as a Wise-Up Potion.

[Lentrax]

I'm a girl.

I can say it at last, and it feels right. I'm really hoping this one sticks. I thought I was messed up, then I thought I was androgynous, then I thought I was gender fluid. I didn't like being gender fluid though, it always annoyed me. Now I think I'm trans, and that doesn't annoy me. It feels right, it feels like who I'm supposed to be. I really hope I keep this identity now. I don't want to slip back into a male phase. I'm not afraid to be a girl anymore. I'm a girl, and I want to stay that way.

Allow me, if you will, to be cliche:

You go, girl! :smallbiggrin:

[Heliomance]

...and of course, now that I've made that declaration, I'm scaring myself with the thought that this is just another phase, and in a few months I'll have moved on to something else. I really don't want that to be the case :smalleek:

[Castaras]

Take life as it comes, one day at a time. If it turns out it is a phase, then you'll find out in a few months. If it isn't a phase... you'll realise it when the time you spend as you are currently continues for longer than 2 or 3 "phases".

*hugs* Therapists could be useful, if you can try and find them - do you know any trans people from near you? Maybe ask them which therapists they saw and (if they were good) see if you can get a referral to those specific ones?

[Socratov]

So, it seems congratulations for various people are in order :smallamused:

first: Trisc: congratulations on having a very successful coming out to your parents. glad it went well (you had me rolling over the floor with the only not gay remark)

Second: helio: congrats on finding yet another piece of yourself. next up convincing your boss that you want to continue working there as a girl. (if you are going to transition I bet stuff will get get noticedmaking this easier.

[KenderWizard]

Congrats, Trisc, that's great that your parents are so supportive!


*snip*

Okay, so, you're doing pretty well, you're honest with yourself and you have good recognition about your own issues, including which are important and which are less important. Your short term solution should be coping, finding ways (like the stuffed wolf) to deal with the symptoms so you can function. Medium term, try again with dating, including perhaps underlining early on how important honesty is to you and how a big lie is grounds for immediate breaking up. Long term, and this is the tricky one, and something I still struggle with despite having fewer mental-health issues and more luck in romance than you, is trying to accept yourself and really _know_ that you're worth loving. Loving yourself. I have anxiety and I'm emotionally fraught and insecure, so I understand some of what you're going through. But I have actually improved, more than I would have believed when I was 18. so it does happen. I really hope the mental health place gets back to you, maybe you should get in touch with them to let them know you're waiting? And PM me any time. :smallsmile:


I'm a girl.

I can say it at last, and it feels right. I'm really hoping this one sticks. I thought I was messed up, then I thought I was androgynous, then I thought I was gender fluid. I didn't like being gender fluid though, it always annoyed me. Now I think I'm trans, and that doesn't annoy me. It feels right, it feels like who I'm supposed to be. I really hope I keep this identity now. I don't want to slip back into a male phase. I'm not afraid to be a girl anymore. I'm a girl, and I want to stay that way.

Yay! :smallsmile: One day at a time, Helio, you're doing great!

[The Succubus]

I'm a girl.

I can say it at last, and it feels right. I'm really hoping this one sticks. I thought I was messed up, then I thought I was androgynous, then I thought I was gender fluid. I didn't like being gender fluid though, it always annoyed me. Now I think I'm trans, and that doesn't annoy me. It feels right, it feels like who I'm supposed to be. I really hope I keep this identity now. I don't want to slip back into a male phase. I'm not afraid to be a girl anymore. I'm a girl, and I want to stay that way.

\o/

You'll make someone an awesome girlfriend one day. ^_^

[Das Platyvark]

Hi Guys!
I don't really identify as anything yet—I'm young and still working through things in my head. I just wanted to thank you folks for having this thread here at all—I've been lurking for a while, and it's helped me work out how I function, and just generally restored my faith in humanity when that needed doing.
Thank you all!

[Triscuitable]

/r/lgbt (http://reddit.com/r/lgbt) is a good place for anyone here to visit.

[Lentrax]

Hi Guys!
I don't really identify as anything yet—I'm young and still working through things in my head. I just wanted to thank you folks for having this thread here at all—I've been lurking for a while, and it's helped me work out how I function, and just generally restored my faith in humanity when that needed doing.
Thank you all!

Good for you! Welcome! Hugs and Cake!

[noparlpf]

Hi Guys!
I don't really identify as anything yet—I'm young and still working through things in my head. I just wanted to thank you folks for having this thread here at all—I've been lurking for a while, and it's helped me work out how I function, and just generally restored my faith in humanity when that needed doing.
Thank you all!

What the heck...the preview I see on the email notifications is showing '—I' as 悠.
Anyway, you're welcome, I guess.

[Selpharia]

I'm a girl.

I can say it at last, and it feels right. I'm really hoping this one sticks. I thought I was messed up, then I thought I was androgynous, then I thought I was gender fluid. I didn't like being gender fluid though, it always annoyed me. Now I think I'm trans, and that doesn't annoy me. It feels right, it feels like who I'm supposed to be. I really hope I keep this identity now. I don't want to slip back into a male phase. I'm not afraid to be a girl anymore. I'm a girl, and I want to stay that way.

That's excellent, I'm so happy for you, Tam! You're a wonderful girl.

*hugs*

Oh, and somebody left two of their three cheers, so have two more!

*Cheers*
*Huzzah!*
:smallsmile:
And Trisc, you're not allowed to come off as callous, that's my job. :smallwink:

EDIT: Hi, Platyvark, and welcome! Your avatar is veey stylish, I like it!

~Laura

[Zorg]

Hi, Platyvark - if you want to sort stuff outside you're head we're here to help, or if you have any questions there are lots of knowledgable people here.



@Zorg: Your dress is really cute! And that skirt! All of that clothes, really! But what have you done with your feet? They look awfully hurt. :smalleek:

That's just a side effect of getting changed right after coming home from work - nothing painful, just red from being on my feet for hours on end. But thanks for asking :smallsmile:

Hope you're feeling more comfortable now :)



That second dress is really pretty, at least from what I can see of it. Or is the coat-like element actually part of the dress? Because if so that's actually pretty nifty. The scarf is neat too, though I'm kind of confused by the Westie and whether it's a part of the coat or merely fastened to it.

Thanks :smallsmile: The dress and coat are seperate, and the applique is a little lamb, and came as part of the coat.




Stuff with your ex sounds sucky, Zorg, I'm sorry to hear that. That's a really neat gesture from your brother though. And I'm sure the endo appointment will go well. For me it was just a really short summary of stuff and filing in medical info and a few tests and such, nothing that's really huge or worrisome.

Ex stuff is kinda working itself out. Kinda...
My worry is more that I've self referred as it were, rather than having any sort of "official" diagnosis. You're right that it should be ok - I'm just a worrier :smalltongue: and it was very cool of my bro - just got to find time to learn how to use it properly!

Any luck with your prescriptions yet?



I'm a girl.

I can say it at last, and it feels right. I'm really hoping this one sticks. I thought I was messed up, then I thought I was androgynous, then I thought I was gender fluid. I didn't like being gender fluid though, it always annoyed me. Now I think I'm trans, and that doesn't annoy me. It feels right, it feels like who I'm supposed to be. I really hope I keep this identity now. I don't want to slip back into a male phase. I'm not afraid to be a girl anymore. I'm a girl, and I want to stay that way.

:smallbiggrin:

[Mina Kobold]

I'm a girl.

I can say it at last, and it feels right. I'm really hoping this one sticks. I thought I was messed up, then I thought I was androgynous, then I thought I was gender fluid. I didn't like being gender fluid though, it always annoyed me. Now I think I'm trans, and that doesn't annoy me. It feels right, it feels like who I'm supposed to be. I really hope I keep this identity now. I don't want to slip back into a male phase. I'm not afraid to be a girl anymore. I'm a girl, and I want to stay that way.

Congratulations. :smallsmile:

It really does feel wonderful to be able to say that, doesn't it? Finally finding an answer you are happy with and knowing where to go. ^_^

Though I have not said it myself...


/r/lgbt (http://reddit.com/r/lgbt) is a good place for anyone here to visit.

Thanks, that looks really interesting. ^_^


@Zorg: Being more and more curious each time I saw your avatars, I have now finally acquired and begun the Mass Effect Trilogy! It is really as fun as you said, even though I have not even met your lookalike! ^_^

It does irk me that they default to male (for Shephard on the box art and for Turians in-game) and light-skinned (The entire human crew so far), though. But that does just leave something to fix if I ever work on the series! :3






I'm a girl.

I said it! ^_^

[Lix Lorn]

I'm a girl.

I said it! ^_^
Isn't that like, not a big thing for kobolds? :smalltongue:
(snuggles lotsly)

[Zorg]

@Zorg: Being more and more curious each time I saw your avatars, I have now finally acquired and begun the Mass Effect Trilogy! It is really as fun as you said, even though I have not even met your lookalike! ^_^

It does irk me that they default to male (for Shephard on the box art and for Turians in-game) and light-skinned (The entire human crew so far), though. But that does just leave something to fix if I ever work on the series! :3

I'm glad you're enjoying it :smallsmile: playing as FemShep or BroShep?
Funnily I always thought Ash was meant to be South American, but turns out she isn't, or got whitewashed in 3.
You do get female turian, krogan and slarian peeps in later games, so they get better! Slightly spoilerific for later games, but amusingly on topic (http://www.awkwardzombie.com/index.php?page=0&comic=123112).




I'm a girl.

I said it! ^_^

:smallbiggrin:

[Lix Lorn]

I remember how to write porn! ^_^

[Lycunadari]

I came out to my parents about my gender-identity issues yesterday. I was actually surprised by how well-versed my mom was on the topic; she immediately offered getting me a therapist. I'm just trying to deal with school right now, so I declined, but the fact that they were willing to do that after about 5 seconds of reasoning was... Impressive.

(My parents are the epitome of a "new age" Seattle couple. Only they're not gay).

Hey, that's really great! Congratulations! :smallsmile:


*snip*

*HUGS* I know a lot of these things myself (not wanting to sleep alone, feeling lonely despite having a wonderful family around, feeling empty inside...). I hope you'll find a way to solve your problems – Kender already gave you better advise than I can, so I don't need to write any more. *hugs*


I'm a girl.

I can say it at last, and it feels right. I'm really hoping this one sticks. I thought I was messed up, then I thought I was androgynous, then I thought I was gender fluid. I didn't like being gender fluid though, it always annoyed me. Now I think I'm trans, and that doesn't annoy me. It feels right, it feels like who I'm supposed to be. I really hope I keep this identity now. I don't want to slip back into a male phase. I'm not afraid to be a girl anymore. I'm a girl, and I want to stay that way.
I'm happy you finally know who you are. :smallsmile:


Hi Guys!
I don't really identify as anything yet—I'm young and still working through things in my head. I just wanted to thank you folks for having this thread here at all—I've been lurking for a while, and it's helped me work out how I function, and just generally restored my faith in humanity when that needed doing.
Thank you all!

Welcome aboard! :smallsmile:



I'm a girl.

I said it! ^_^

:smallsmile:

---
I found out another thing about myself: my sexuality changes in connection with my gender. When I'm feeling female, I'm more or less equally attracted to boys and girls, but when I'm feeling agendered, I'm nearly exclusively attracted to girls or other non-binary people and hardly attracted to boys. I can perfectly see myself in a lesbian or (as a girl) straight relationship, but the thought of being in a relationship with a boy while being agendered seems really odd to me. It's strange. :smallconfused:

Edit: @V Asta! Welcome back! *glomp* Those words are really cool!

[Asta Kask]

Hi. It's me. You seem to have been up to no good while I was gone. Excellent.

I've been studying Indo-European during my absence. A sample of relevant words:

Antiamajotor - heterosexual (lit. opposite-lover)
Njebhotor - asexual (lit. not-a-f***ker)
Nstarogenjos - genderfluid (lit. unstable gender)
Oljamajotor - pan/bisexual (lit. all-lover)
Pertigenjos - transgender (lit. otherwise-gendered)
Smlisamajotor - homosexual (lit. same-lover
Snigenjos - agendered (lit. without gender)
Upérgenjei - genderqueer (lit. above gender)

[KenderWizard]

Hi Guys!
I don't really identify as anything yet—I'm young and still working through things in my head. I just wanted to thank you folks for having this thread here at all—I've been lurking for a while, and it's helped me work out how I function, and just generally restored my faith in humanity when that needed doing.
Thank you all!

Hi! Welcome aboard! Do ask questions and feel free to tell us your story! :smallsmile:




I'm a girl.

I said it! ^_^

Are you? :smallbiggrin: (I kind of always think of you as agendered...) That's awesome!



*HUGS* I know a lot of these things myself (not wanting to sleep alone, feeling lonely despite having a wonderful family around, feeling empty inside...). I hope you'll find a way to solve your problems – Kender already gave you better advise than I can, so I don't need to write any more. *hugs*



:smallredface: :smallsmile:


Hi. It's me. You seem to have been up to no good while I was gone. Excellent.

I've been studying Indo-European during my absence. A sample of relevant words:

Antiamajotor - heterosexual (lit. opposite-lover)
Njebhotor - asexual (lit. not-a-f***ker)
Nstarogenjos - genderfluid (lit. unstable gender)
Oljamajotor - pan/bisexual (lit. all-lover)
Pertigenjos - transgender (lit. otherwise-gendered)
Smlisamajotor - homosexual (lit. same-lover
Snigenjos - agendered (lit. without gender)
Upérgenjei - genderqueer (lit. above gender)

AAAAASSSSTTTAAAAAAAAA!!!! *GLOMP!* WELCOME BACK!!! I LIKE YOUR NEW WORDS, ESPECIALLY "OLJAMAJOTOR"!! I like the concept of "all-lover" and I really like the idea of being "above gender". :smalltongue:

[Kindablue]

Is it ol-ya-ma-yo-tor, or ol-ja-ma-jo-tor?

[Socratov]

I remember how to write porn! ^_^
*grins*
So I guess you're up to no good now :smallamused:
Please elaborate while keeping it pg-13 :smallbiggrin:


Hi. It's me. You seem to have been up to no good while I was gone. Excellent.

I've been studying Indo-European during my absence. A sample of relevant words:

Antiamajotor - heterosexual (lit. opposite-lover)
Njebhotor - asexual (lit. not-a-f***ker)
Nstarogenjos - genderfluid (lit. unstable gender)
Oljamajotor - pan/bisexual (lit. all-lover)
Pertigenjos - transgender (lit. otherwise-gendered)
Smlisamajotor - homosexual (lit. same-lover
Snigenjos - agendered (lit. without gender)
Upérgenjei - genderqueer (lit. above gender)

*highfives Asta*

welcome back buddy, I see you've been busy expanding your horizons of knowledge :smallwink:

[Mina Kobold]

Isn't that like, not a big thing for kobolds? :smalltongue:
(snuggles lotsly)

It wouldn't be, but we have not had any societies of our own for millennia, so I have to make a big deal out of it to get stubborn humans to let me be who I am. Kind of like how marriage can be really important when it is denied, or how small trinkets get really valuable because they belonged to a dear friend! ^_^

That, and I am a terrible miner, trapper and sorcerer anyway, so why care about the old Kobold cultural values now? X3

... That reminds me that I want to write up a Fantasy world in which Kobolds and other non-humans are not single-culture species. Yayifications! ^_^


I'm glad you're enjoying it :smallsmile: playing as FemShep or BroShep?
Funnily I always thought Ash was meant to be South American, but turns out she isn't, or got whitewashed in 3.
You do get female turian, krogan and slarian peeps in later games, so they get better! Slightly spoilerific for later games, but amusingly on topic (http://www.awkwardzombie.com/index.php?page=0&comic=123112).

FemShep, I am a bit tired of playing games with male protagonists. Not that I don't ever play outside my gender, I do, but the industry really has a problem with defaulting to a James instead of considering a Heather, to make a geeky reference. :3

Even with Ashley, that would still make the Normandy's crew less statistically representative of human variance than the crew of the USS Enterprise... By the satellites of Jupiter! Star Trek must be the future of Mass Effect! O_O

Yay, they get better! ^_^

That is amusing, and so specific that I have no clue what they are spoiling. Thanksies! :smallsmile:


:smallbiggrin:

:smallsmile:


I remember how to write porn! ^_^

I remember how to write silly things about tiny dromaeosaurs!

Not that I forgot, but I couldn't think of another reply. ^_^'


---
I found out another thing about myself: my sexuality changes in connection with my gender. When I'm feeling female, I'm more or less equally attracted to boys and girls, but when I'm feeling agendered, I'm nearly exclusively attracted to girls or other non-binary people and hardly attracted to boys. I can perfectly see myself in a lesbian or (as a girl) straight relationship, but the thought of being in a relationship with a boy while being agendered seems really odd to me. It's strange. :smallconfused:

That is quite curious indeed. I hope it is more strange in a "Let's investigate the strange phenomena for romanscience!" and not as in "Scary and strange and eep! >_<". That would be a terrible strange. :smallsmile:

Perhaps part of your attraction is based on the identity framework of the situation? You are attracted to straight relationships, gynosexual relationships and non-binary relationships, so to speak, and without feeling female, the first one doesn't work? Does that make sense? ^_^'


Hi. It's me. You seem to have been up to no good while I was gone. Excellent.

I've been studying Indo-European during my absence. A sample of relevant words:

Antiamajotor - heterosexual (lit. opposite-lover)
Njebhotor - asexual (lit. not-a-f***ker)
Nstarogenjos - genderfluid (lit. unstable gender)
Oljamajotor - pan/bisexual (lit. all-lover)
Pertigenjos - transgender (lit. otherwise-gendered)
Smlisamajotor - homosexual (lit. same-lover
Snigenjos - agendered (lit. without gender)
Upérgenjei - genderqueer (lit. above gender)

Asta! *Affections*

I did not even know that was a possibility to study. I really need to open my eyes a bit. That would be an interesting language to study. Thanks. :smallsmile:

I like how genderqueer is the ubergender and I find Oljamajotor just plain adorable. ^_^

So, I would be a Pertigenjos and a Njebhotor, I should use those sometime. Though perhaps not in casual conversation, lest someone knows what the later transliterates as. :smalltongue:

@Kender: Pretty sure, though I am really really nervous about talking about myself in gendered contexts, so I don't have much objection to being misread as agendered. :smallsmile:

[Triscuitable]

So I found you can "Prestige" guns in Black Ops II to add your 4-character "clan tag" to your gun. I took advantage of this with a rather large clan.

http://cloud.steampowered.com/ugc/542948466546088831/23CB2E587183236AF82A1AFF8BBFEB474EF9FC89/

[Lix Lorn]

Hi. It's me. You seem to have been up to no good while I was gone. Excellent.
ASTA
(GLOMP)


*grins*
So I guess you're up to no good now :smallamused:
Please elaborate while keeping it pg-13 :smallbiggrin:
xD
I was bored and hyper, and I was thinking about naughty things, and I was like 'I bet I can still do this.'
So I did. And I can. It's technically pokemon fanfic, but my setting is as much mine as it is theirs by now.


It wouldn't be, but we have not had any societies of our own for millennia, so I have to make a big deal out of it to get stubborn humans to let me be who I am. Kind of like how marriage can be really important when it is denied, or how small trinkets get really valuable because they belonged to a dear friend! ^_^

That, and I am a terrible miner, trapper and sorcerer anyway, so why care about the old Kobold cultural values now? X3
Oh, I was only teasing. (snuggles)
Races of the Dragon is the only d&d book I own in hard copy.

[Triscuitable]

I gotta say, the ability to have LGBT engraved on the back of a futuristic Personal Defense Weapon is actually pretty neat; I thought it'd be silly, having letters on your gun, but it's oddly perfect.

[Asta Kask]

Is it ol-ya-ma-yo-tor, or ol-ja-ma-jo-tor?

Olyamayotor. Olya = all. Amayo = to love. -tor transforms a verb into an agent noun (someone who performs the action).


Asta! *Affections*

I did not even know that was a possibility to study. I really need to open my eyes a bit. That would be an interesting language to study. Thanks. :smallsmile:

Download it here. (http://dnghu.org/en/indo-european-language-grammar/)

But I have a physical book purchased from Amazon. *smug* Part of my Christmas stash. And when I saw there was a word for "gender" I just had to try and translate some terms to Indo-European.

Like so many things, it's for my roleplaying games. I'd like to construct a Bronze Age setting some day, and making the language Indo-European is a natural choice.

[Astrella]

*hugs for Mynxae and Triscuitable*

Yays for Helio.

Hi again, Asta~ (Really sorry to hear about your cat. :smallfrown: )


Hi Guys!
I don't really identify as anything yet—I'm young and still working through things in my head. I just wanted to thank you folks for having this thread here at all—I've been lurking for a while, and it's helped me work out how I function, and just generally restored my faith in humanity when that needed doing.
Thank you all!

Hi, and welcome. Glad the thread could have been of help. :smallsmile:


Any luck with your prescriptions yet?

Nothing yet, I'm hoping they'll arrive one of these days.



I'm a girl.

I said it! ^_^

Yay!

(Oh, uhm... does that mean a possible pronoun change? Not that that's required, just wanted to check cause I'd like to address you the way you're most comfortable with. ^^' )

[turkishproverb]

Hi Guys!
I don't really identify as anything yet—I'm young and still working through things in my head. I just wanted to thank you folks for having this thread here at all—I've been lurking for a while, and it's helped me work out how I function, and just generally restored my faith in humanity when that needed doing.
Thank you all!

Welcome!

*Hugs*

[Mynxae]

I gotta say, the ability to have LGBT engraved on the back of a futuristic Personal Defense Weapon is actually pretty neat; I thought it'd be silly, having letters on your gun, but it's oddly perfect.


So I found you can "Prestige" guns in Black Ops II to add your 4-character "clan tag" to your gun. I took advantage of this with a rather large clan.

http://cloud.steampowered.com/ugc/542948466546088831/23CB2E587183236AF82A1AFF8BBFEB474EF9FC89/

... If I had an Xbox 360 or a PS3, I would totally do this.

[Heliomance]

\o/

You'll make someone an awesome girlfriend one day. ^_^

...I quite literally curled up and squeed when I read this. :smallredface::smallredface::smallredface:




I'm a girl.

I said it! ^_^

Sorry Keveak, I can't think of you as anything other than a kobold, and I don't know how to tell kobold gender! :smalltongue:

[supernerd]

Sorry Keveak, I can't think of you as anything other than a kobold, and I don't know how to tell kobold gender! :smalltongue:

In your defense, even if you saw one naked, they're reptilian so they don't have mammaries, and I couldn't tell the difference between a cloaca and a vagina.

I've been lurking far too long. Welcome back Asta!

And to add my own personal things, I spent the 25th-2nd in Colombia, my father's country of origin! And when we made wishes on grapes for New Years(eat twelve grapes at midnight and make a wish for the new year on each of them) my first wish was for parents who accept the fact that I am a homosexual. Though I'm probably going to have to bring it up myself. Gonna be hell when I do. I'll probably just write up an anthology of my past relationships for evidence and then put it in a letter and leave it with them.

[Selpharia]

I'm a girl.

I said it! ^_^

Yay Keveak! Are there social or secondary physical differences between male and female kobolds? Either way, you're adorable!

Also, since even though I sign my name on all my posts and take female pronouns, it's nice to say, I'm a girl!

It's kind of funny how just a few months ago I would have been wracked by doubt in saying that, but now it's not so difficult.

I guess that's just because when it comes down to it, the only way to be a girl or a guy is to be one, regardless of anything else, and whatever other people say a girl or a guy is supposed to be.

~Laura

[Mynxae]

I have a little problem. I think I'm crazy. *giggles uncontrollably* I've had a crush on a guy for a while who emulates qualities I love in a guy. Honest, intelligent, cute... The whole package! (:smallwink:) And he told me he likes me back and wants me (once again... :smallwink:) but there's only one major problem. He has a girlfriend. But she lives in Canada and he lives only on the Gold Coast (about 2 and a half hour train ride south, I'm just north of Brisbane). And I'm going crazy because I nearly had a nervous breakdown last night thinking about it last night, you can even ask Ele (Elemental, best friend, at his place till this afternoon some time) and I can feel it coming on again somehow. Ele stopped it before it got worse though and took me upstairs to his Mum. And also this guy (who's name is Mason), called me up leading up to this nervous breakdown crazy thingy and told me what he'd do to me if I was there with him at his place right then. It kind of.. Just wow. Wow is the only word to describe the wow of it. :smalleek: (good stuff, not bad stuff)

I'm going insaaaaane! :smalleek: They need a manically crazy emoticon here!

[Absol197]

Mynxae, how do you get so lucky? If I remember right, you've had three different SO in the five months I've been a part of the thread, and it doesn't seem that you have to try very hard to find them. And they're gay! Not that that's bad, of course, but I would think that such relationships would be harder to find, with the significantly smaller section of the population that is seeking such a relationship.

And yet, here it is, approaching the sixth anniversary of my one and only girlfriend breaking up with me, and I've yet to even meet a single person or have a date...:smallfrown:

I don't really have any advice for you, other than to say that I would make it clear to this guy that you shouldn't be doing anything unless he either breaks up with his girlfriend first, or gets her blessing. Because while I've never been cheated on, I know people who have, and it really, really hurts :smallfrown: . And it's essentially a major lie, and how would you feel about being on the receiving end of a lie like that? Otherwise, feel free to be crazy! You're very lucky, you should be glad for that!

And jumping on the declaration bandwagon, I'm a girl!


~Phoenix~

[Triscuitable]

... If I had an Xbox 360 or a PS3, I would totally do this.

I saw a guy with a rainbow emblem on his gun.

I totally owned that noob and picked up his lame-o shotgun.

It had a rainbow on it, and LGBT was carved into the side of the barrel.

[Kindablue]

THE WALLS HAVE EARS (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEDGrPKW24E)

[noparlpf]

I'm a boy!



Hi. It's me. You seem to have been up to no good while I was gone. Excellent.

I've been studying Indo-European during my absence. A sample of relevant words:

Antiamajotor - heterosexual (lit. opposite-lover)
Njebhotor - asexual (lit. not-a-f***ker)
Nstarogenjos - genderfluid (lit. unstable gender)
Oljamajotor - pan/bisexual (lit. all-lover)
Pertigenjos - transgender (lit. otherwise-gendered)
Smlisamajotor - homosexual (lit. same-lover
Snigenjos - agendered (lit. without gender)
Upérgenjei - genderqueer (lit. above gender)

Hey! Great to see you back! Are you feeling a little better now, then? Really sorry to hear about your cat. :< *hugs*

[Kindablue]

I'm a pretty flower.

[Triscuitable]

I'm a Planeswalker.

[Mystic Muse]

I'm a pony.

I'm also tired, and need to do a workout, and need to get my computer sent in, and all the things.

[Mynxae]

I'm a pony.

Ponies unite! <3

[Lix Lorn]

I'm a Lixie.


...I quite literally curled up and squeed when I read this. :smallredface::smallredface::smallredface:
Wait, you didn't know that?
Weren't four or five of us threadgoers fighting for your hand at one point?
...
DIBS.

[golentan]

I'm a Krynchatl.

Lix, wasn't there that fic you were going to work on involving me? :smallwink:

[Asta Kask]

Yeah, I'm a man. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiXaT_1I-vw)

Spillover from another forum - a gay guy there is wondering about the responses he got when he came out. Apparently some said "I already knew that." This raises several questions - did they really know or did they just suspect? How did they know - he's not particularly camp*? To what extend is there a 'gaydar' and to what extent is this an example of the toupée fallacy? Have you had similar experiences coming out?

*not that all gays are camp, but if you're very camp people may be more prone to suspect you're gay.

[Lanaya]

I have a little problem. I think I'm crazy. *giggles uncontrollably* I've had a crush on a guy for a while who emulates qualities I love in a guy. Honest, intelligent, cute... The whole package! (:smallwink:) And he told me he likes me back and wants me (once again... :smallwink:) but there's only one major problem. He has a girlfriend. But she lives in Canada and he lives only on the Gold Coast (about 2 and a half hour train ride south, I'm just north of Brisbane). And I'm going crazy because I nearly had a nervous breakdown last night thinking about it last night, you can even ask Ele (Elemental, best friend, at his place till this afternoon some time) and I can feel it coming on again somehow. Ele stopped it before it got worse though and took me upstairs to his Mum. And also this guy (who's name is Mason), called me up leading up to this nervous breakdown crazy thingy and told me what he'd do to me if I was there with him at his place right then. It kind of.. Just wow. Wow is the only word to describe the wow of it. :smalleek: (good stuff, not bad stuff)

I'm going insaaaaane! :smalleek: They need a manically crazy emoticon here!

I hate to get all negative about stuff, but generally people who are already in relationships are off limits (poly stuff excepted of course, but you didn't mention that so I'm assuming it's not a factor). Unless things are going badly with this girlfriend of his and he's about to break it off anyway, which would be understandable because LDRs don't generally work out, he's either leading you on or plans on cheating, neither of which are good signs. Maybe I'm just being too pessimistic, but it sounds a bit dodgy to me.

[Mynxae]

I hate to get all negative about stuff, but generally people who are already in relationships are off limits (poly stuff excepted of course, but you didn't mention that so I'm assuming it's not a factor). Unless things are going badly with this girlfriend of his and he's about to break it off anyway, which would be understandable because LDRs don't generally work out, he's either leading you on or plans on cheating, neither of which are good signs. Maybe I'm just being too pessimistic, but it sounds a bit dodgy to me.

Don't worry, I ruined the whole situation anyways and now I'm stewing in my own sorrow with a dash of angst and a pinch of Taylor Swift. (didn't ruin his relationship with his girlfriend, he told her, she forgave him)

[Lanaya]

Don't worry, I ruined the whole situation anyways and now I'm stewing in my own sorrow with a dash of angst and a pinch of Taylor Swift. (didn't ruin his relationship with his girlfriend, he told her, she forgave him)

Oh. Well. Now I just feel like the world's biggest meaniepants. :smalleek:

Internet hugs?

[Mynxae]

Oh. Well. Now I just feel like the world's biggest meaniepants.:smalleek:

Internet hugs?

*internet hugs* <3

[Asta Kask]

Hey! Great to see you back! Are you feeling a little better now, then? Really sorry to hear about your cat. :< *hugs*

The new medicine seems to be working. I was feeling pretty good until the cat died. Now I feel pretty bad, but it's sorrow not depression.

[The Succubus]

*internet hugs* <3

Mynx the man magnet mesmerises many marvellous men and I'm sure the silly pony won't be alone for long. :smallsmile:


The new medicine seems to be working. I was feeling pretty good until the cat died. Now I feel pretty bad, but it's sorrow not depression.

Have you got any stories about the things your kitty got up to? I'd love to hear them. =)

[Mynxae]

Mynx the man magnet mesmerises many marvellous men and I'm sure the silly pony won't be alone for long. :smallsmile:

Speaking of silly pony, I'm probably going to be doing my basic avatar week pony from your idea pretty soon. :3

[Asta Kask]

Have you got any stories about the things your kitty got up to? I'd love to hear them. =)

I'll post them in the appropriate thread.

[Mono Vertigo]

I'm unable to pronounce quite a few of these words.
... what?

[ScionoftheVoid]

I'm not entirely sure what I am.[/clingingtothetailendofthebandwagon]

*hugs* for Mynxae, Asta, Absol and anyone else who wants them (it is entirely okay for anyone mentioned to opt out if you don't want hugs (from me)).

I haven't had anyone to cuddle with recently, and it's annoying... The guy I have a crush on has a girlfriend, the girl I have a crush on/squish for (I am not entirely sure which) has a boyfriend and both of the people I've previously been allowed to cuddle are now back in America... Mew... There's a girl who's incredibly friendly to me, but a) I think she's just like that to everyone and b) I am probably seeing it as more exaggerated than it is because I don't expect it. And c) I'm fairly sure she's in a relationship as well.

[Asta Kask]

I'm unable to pronounce quite a few of these words.
... what?

Practice, practice. You never know when it comes in handy.

[Mynxae]

I'm not entirely sure what I am.[/clingingtothetailendofthebandwagon]

*hugs* for Mynxae, Asta, Absol and anyone else who wants them (it is entirely okay for anyone mentioned to opt out if you don't want hugs (from me)).

I haven't had anyone to cuddle with recently, and it's annoying... The guy I have a crush on has a girlfriend, the girl I have a crush on/squish for (I am not entirely sure which) has a boyfriend and both of the people I've previously been allowed to cuddle are now back in America... Mew... There's a girl who's incredibly friendly to me, but a) I think she's just like that to everyone and b) I am probably seeing it as more exaggerated than it is because I don't expect it. And c) I'm fairly sure she's in a relationship as well.

*cuddles* Want to borrow my stuffed Wolf for cuddles? His name is Wolfy. He's always grumpy. :/ Cuddles cheers him up! :3

That made me so childish. Eh, who cares, it's fun.

[Irish Musician]

The new medicine seems to be working. I was feeling pretty good until the cat died. Now I feel pretty bad, but it's sorrow not depression.
Very warm welcome back Asta man. Glad you are feeling generally better, but I am sorry about your kitty cat. I have 3 of them myself and would be beside myself if anything happened to any of them. But remember the good times :smallsmile:

*cuddles* Want to borrow my stuffed Wolf for cuddles? His name is Wolfy. He's always grumpy. :/ Cuddles cheers him up! :3

That made me so childish. Eh, who cares, it's fun.
Childish? Pish! I have a dragon, named Dunken, that I have had since before I was born. I am now a 28-year-old, fairly large and intimidating, man....and my dragon STILL sleeps next to me on my nightstand (and sometimes in the bed curled up next to me when I am feeling esp. frumpy). If that make me childish..... then give me a bottle and some footie pajamas!! :smallbiggrin:

~Matthew~

[Asta Kask]

Especially if the bottle contains some 18-year old single malt?:smallwink:

[Mynxae]

Basic Forest Wind (My OC)

http://i1052.photobucket.com/albums/s451/Mynxae/ForestWind-BasicAvatarWeek_zps60c7b391.png

What do you guys think? :3

[Asta Kask]

Needs a cutie mark. A crude "X" should suffice. :smallsmile:

[Mynxae]

Needs a cutie mark. A crude "X" should suffice. :smallsmile:

Drat, I knew I forgot something! /head-desk

http://i1052.photobucket.com/albums/s451/Mynxae/ForestWind-BasicAvatarWeek_zps37068cbd.png

[Mono Vertigo]

Practice, practice. You never know when it comes in handy.
I'm going to need to be a cunning linguist someday, is that what you're saying?



(Note to self: new year's resolution: stop the groan-inducing puns.)

[Asta Kask]

Drat, I knew I forgot something! /head-desk

http://i1052.photobucket.com/albums/s451/Mynxae/ForestWind-BasicAvatarWeek_zps37068cbd.png

Needs 20% more gay.

Also, this song is for you. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXZcJojTucg) I think.

Except the pants. They're mine.


I'm going to need to be a cunning linguist someday, is that what you're saying?



(Note to self: new year's resolution: stop the groan-inducing puns.)

I hear the ladies like a man with a powerful tongue.

[Lix Lorn]

I'm a Krynchatl.

Lix, wasn't there that fic you were going to work on involving me? :smallwink:
Uh.
Well.
See, the thing about that is.
LOOK, A DEMONIC DUCK OF SOME SORT
(flees)

I still want to do it!

[Mynxae]

Needs 20% more gay.

Also, this song is for you. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXZcJojTucg) I think.

Except the pants. They're mine.

Needs more rainbows? :smalltongue:

I'm nineteen, get it right! :smallbiggrin:

Wouldn't the pants look much better off of you my dear? :smallwink:

[Asta Kask]

Sadly no. The beauty of the naked human body is highly over-rated.

[Mynxae]

Sadly no. The beauty of the naked human body is highly over-rated.

I dunno. Your avatar has barely any pants on as it is!

[Astrella]

@Scion: That sucks.. *hugs for compensation?*

-----

So, I got my letter, lab results and all that and a field evaluation mentioning a dosis Etinyloestradiol at the end, but no prescription in the envelope and I don't think I can just go to the pharmacy with just the letter... so guess I'll have to call them again.

It's like everything that can go wrong goes wrong, isn't it? :smalltongue:

[Mina Kobold]

(Oh, uhm... does that mean a possible pronoun change? Not that that's required, just wanted to check cause I'd like to address you the way you're most comfortable with. ^^' )

Well, my confused-stage preference was "they", which says nothing about gender, (and thus doesn't misgender) so I am not sure I can require people to change that. ^_^'

So I would be really happy with "she" if someone prefers to use gendered pronouns, but don't feel like you have to. That make sense? :smallsmile:


Sorry Keveak, I can't think of you as anything other than a kobold, and I don't know how to tell kobold gender! :smalltongue:

Shows a quite open mind, most people tend to gender everything male if it is not distinctly female. Including Kobolds, living chessboards, computers and even collective consciousnesses. So yay, maybe? Yaybe? ^_^'


Yay Keveak! Are there social or secondary physical differences between male and female kobolds? Either way, you're adorable!

~Laura

Physically, males apparently tend to be slightly taller and heavier on average. Not much else I know of, never met many other Kobolds. :3

Thanks. :smallredface:


Practice, practice. You never know when it comes in handy.

A very nice creed to live by, though it kind of means I have ridiculously many things I plan to learn. O_O


Drat, I knew I forgot something! /head-desk

http://i1052.photobucket.com/albums/s451/Mynxae/ForestWind-BasicAvatarWeek_zps37068cbd.png

Very nice. :smallsmile:


Uh.
Well.
See, the thing about that is.
LOOK, A DEMONIC DUCK OF SOME SORT
(flees)

I still want to do it!

*Looks*

I can't see it! >_<

And since everybody seems to agree, and I feel cheery enough to jump on a bandwagon I already am on, I am a Kobold! :3

[The Succubus]

@Scion: That sucks.. *hugs for compensation?*

-----

So, I got my letter, lab results and all that and a field evaluation mentioning a dosis Etinyloestradiol at the end, but no prescription in the envelope and I don't think I can just go to the pharmacy with just the letter... so guess I'll have to call them again.

It's like everything that can go wrong goes wrong, isn't it? :smalltongue:

Don't be too disheartened. The fact that you've received the letter with all the details is a hgihly encouraging sign that things are moving forward for you and drawing up a prescription is a pretty simple job for a doctor. With a little luck, it might only be 2 or 3 days before you're good to go. =)

[Lix Lorn]

*Looks*

I can't see it! >_<
:smalltongue:
It feels used. (http://www.egscomics.com/?date=2002-04-22)

[Asta Kask]

@Scion: That sucks.. *hugs for compensation?*

-----

So, I got my letter, lab results and all that and a field evaluation mentioning a dosis Etinyloestradiol at the end, but no prescription in the envelope and I don't think I can just go to the pharmacy with just the letter... so guess I'll have to call them again.

It's like everything that can go wrong goes wrong, isn't it? :smalltongue:

They don't have e-prescriptions where you live? Although then you'd have to wait in line at the pharmacy's to find out nothing had happened so maybe that wouldn't be better.

[noparlpf]

The new medicine seems to be working. I was feeling pretty good until the cat died. Now I feel pretty bad, but it's sorrow not depression.

Well, that's good news. And really bad news.


So, I got my letter, lab results and all that and a field evaluation mentioning a dosis Etinyloestradiol at the end, but no prescription in the envelope and I don't think I can just go to the pharmacy with just the letter... so guess I'll have to call them again.

It's like everything that can go wrong goes wrong, isn't it? :smalltongue:

Geez. How much hassle can this become?
(I've been having fun with pharmacies lately. Had to get my inhaler refilled, they gave me a more expensive name brand when I asked for generic. Picking up codeine for my brother after his hernia surgery Friday, they took well over an hour to fill it, so by the time I got back the anaesthesia had worn of completely and he was writhing on the couch in pain. :smallmad: Apparently despite being the major pharmacy in the area they can only afford one pharmacist, and a couple of assistants who mill about because they're not allowed to actually fill prescriptions. :smallsigh: Picking up my mum's prescriptions yesterday (including for her thyroid, which kind of keeps her alive) they said that she was out of refills and had to call the doctor to write a new prescription...which you'd have thought they could have told her over the phone when she called in the prescriptions the day before. :smallmad:
Moral of the story is, just like anything else, it's some sort of a bureaucracy, so something has to go wrong somewhere.)

[ScionoftheVoid]

@Scion: That sucks.. *hugs for compensation?*

-----

So, I got my letter, lab results and all that and a field evaluation mentioning a dosis Etinyloestradiol at the end, but no prescription in the envelope and I don't think I can just go to the pharmacy with just the letter... so guess I'll have to call them again.

It's like everything that can go wrong goes wrong, isn't it? :smalltongue:

I'll survive. *accepts hugs*

Awww, that's not good. :smallfrown: I hope everything gets sorted out soon, you've had to deal with a lot of delays to this, now.

[Irish Musician]

Especially if the bottle contains some 18-year old single malt?:smallwink:
Oh yes......or Irish Whiskey

I hear the ladies like a man with a powerful tongue.
Indeed they do.....:tongue:


Hugz for everyone who needs/wants them....hope they help!

~Matthew~

[Lycunadari]

I am a ... dunno, something? That doesn't sound good, let's try again:

I am a part-time girl and a part-time androgyne! Still doesn't sound right... let's try again in a few months.




That is quite curious indeed. I hope it is more strange in a "Let's investigate the strange phenomena for romanscience!" and not as in "Scary and strange and eep! >_<". That would be a terrible strange. :smallsmile:

Perhaps part of your attraction is based on the identity framework of the situation? You are attracted to straight relationships, gynosexual relationships and non-binary relationships, so to speak, and without feeling female, the first one doesn't work? Does that make sense? ^_^'



It's like a mix of both stranges. I'm curious about it and really want to investigate it (so it's like the first strange), but I'm also a bit scared, because it makes stuff more complicated. What if I fall in love with a boy while I'm a girl and then feel uncomfortable around him when I'm agendered? And that brings me to another scary thought: what if I fall in love with a girl who is really only attracted to girls? I already see myself trying to be a girl all the time for a potential girlfriend, and failing, and being unhappy and having to break up because of that... eep >.< :smalleek:

And your theory makes very much sense! I haven't looked at it that way before, but it sounds really plausible! :smallsmile:


*cuddles* Want to borrow my stuffed Wolf for cuddles? His name is Wolfy. He's always grumpy. :/ Cuddles cheers him up! :3

That made me so childish. Eh, who cares, it's fun.

Not childish at all. I always have my two stuffed penguins in my bed. One I "inherited" from my sister (Pinga is already on pictures where my sister is small, but somehow I owned her since I can remember),and the other I named after my brother (I missed him a lot when he moved out) and he makes a perfect pillow.



@Scion: That sucks.. *hugs for compensation?*

-----

So, I got my letter, lab results and all that and a field evaluation mentioning a dosis Etinyloestradiol at the end, but no prescription in the envelope and I don't think I can just go to the pharmacy with just the letter... so guess I'll have to call them again.

It's like everything that can go wrong goes wrong, isn't it? :smalltongue:
*hugs* That sounds really annoying and nerve-wracking.

[KenderWizard]

I am a woman!




@Kender: Pretty sure, though I am really really nervous about talking about myself in gendered contexts, so I don't have much objection to being misread as agendered. :smallsmile:

Cool! Pronouns for you? ke/ker? :smalltongue: See, cause you're a kobold. It's a joke. But seriously, pronouns?



So, I got my letter, lab results and all that and a field evaluation mentioning a dosis Etinyloestradiol at the end, but no prescription in the envelope and I don't think I can just go to the pharmacy with just the letter... so guess I'll have to call them again.

It's like everything that can go wrong goes wrong, isn't it? :smalltongue:

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, what do we do? We swim! [/singing]

[Lanaya]

Sadly no. The beauty of the naked human body is highly over-rated.

Absolutely! I mean, it's more exciting when people are naked, but IMO clothed people are more aesthetically and sexually attractive. But then when I say that people tell me that I'm weird. And they're totally right, but that's not the point.

[SiuiS]

Hi all the people! I'm not gonna quote anything because then I will quote everything because moderation is for people with self control.

Part Time Girl is an awesome word set. So is Krynchatl, though it's hard to say with my feeble human mouthparts.

Hi Asta! We missed you. It's good to have you back.

Helio, Castaras has good advice, I think.

And just generally hugs for all~
*hugs!*


And yes, bloo. you are a pretty flower.

[Socratov]

Sadly no. The beauty of the naked human body is highly over-rated.
not that highly... this is the internet after all and rule 34 is not far away... :smallamused:


I hear the ladies like a man with a powerful tongue.
Eloquence is quite the handsome trait :smallbiggrin::smallcool:

hm...

...

*glomps Lixie and tickles*

*invites Celtic to help tickling*

[golentan]

Part Time Girl is an awesome word set. So is Krynchatl, though it's hard to say with my feeble human mouthparts.

It can be pronounced Kryn-Cha-Tal. It means "half-person."

So, I'm feeling sexy and... feminine isn't quite right... at the moment. I've had a series of dreams the past few nights involving a tremendous amount of romance and odd things. It's nice because I almost never dream.

[Irish Musician]

*glomps Lixie and tickles*

*invites Celtic to help tickling*

OOOOOOoooooo, a Lixie Ticklefest!!!

*glomphs Lixie and tickles her as well*

~Matthew~

[Lix Lorn]

I am a woman!
It's good that, like Linkara, you know what to yell when punching.


Eloquence is quite the handsome trait :smallbiggrin::smallcool:

hm...

...

*glomps Lixie and tickles*

*invites Celtic to help tickling*


OOOOOOoooooo, a Lixie Ticklefest!!!

*glomphs Lixie and tickles her as well*

~Matthew~
OH MEW WHY

[Mina Kobold]

I am a ... dunno, something? That doesn't sound good, let's try again:

I am a part-time girl and a part-time androgyne! Still doesn't sound right... let's try again in a few months.

You are you, and that is the most important thing. :smallsmile:

Maybe we should make a venn diagram and figure out a way to generate names for all the areas? I think yours may be girl-agender fluid, but I am sure I am terrible at titles. ^_^'


It's like a mix of both stranges. I'm curious about it and really want to investigate it (so it's like the first strange), but I'm also a bit scared, because it makes stuff more complicated. What if I fall in love with a boy while I'm a girl and then feel uncomfortable around him when I'm agendered? And that brings me to another scary thought: what if I fall in love with a girl who is really only attracted to girls? I already see myself trying to be a girl all the time for a potential girlfriend, and failing, and being unhappy and having to break up because of that... eep >.< :smalleek:

And your theory makes very much sense! I haven't looked at it that way before, but it sounds really plausible! :smallsmile:

That does sound bad, but perhaps it is not much different than falling for someone whose sexuality does not match? It could be difficult, but I am sure that anyone you fall for will be amazing and fully accepting if it turns out you cannot be a couple. :smallsmile:


Cool! Pronouns for you? ke/ker? :smalltongue: See, cause you're a kobold. It's a joke. But seriously, pronouns?

Ker-ploing! *Bounces like a spring*

As I noted above, I can't really demand people to stop using gender-neutral pronouns (they are, by definition, not dependent on the subject's gender). Other than that, "her" is perfect, "hen" is Swedish and "he" is bad. :smallsmile:

@Astrella: Oh my, that does sound quite like an unfortunate series of events. I hope the streak breaks and that you soon will acquire the prescription. :smallsmile:

On an unrelated note: Positive Psychology as a theme apparently is enough to make me silly and cheerful for the rest of the day, even though half of us objected to the assumptions in it. Yayifications! ^_^

[noparlpf]

It can be pronounced Kryn-Cha-Tal. It means "half-person."

So, I'm feeling sexy and... feminine isn't quite right... at the moment. I've had a series of dreams the past few nights involving a tremendous amount of romance and odd things. It's nice because I almost never dream.

Weird, I've been dreaming lately too. Except about weird random things, not romance. A couple nights ago I was arrested for robbing a children's library's donation bin of Pokémon figures, and last night I think I was exploring a seabed goblin castle and attempting to evade capture. Also I may have had a portal gun? No idea.

[Asta Kask]

I had a dream about my city being transformed into a post-apocalyptic wasteland. I had forgotten all about it until I saw a post-apocalyptic movie.


I dunno. Your avatar has barely any pants on as it is!

Coffee drew it. You'll have to take up any pantslessness with her... :smallbiggrin: