Support Relationship Woes & Advice, Sex (6, you dirty minds!) [Archive]

Syka

2008-11-18, 12:01 AM

Well...After the confession thread, I saw way too many "what do I do in this situation" threads popping up, so here is one nice compendium. Come here to post questions about how to approach the opposite sex, the dread first date and, should you be in a relationship already and fairly certain they don't read Giant, a place to complain/seek advice about a current flame.

If you'd rather not make it public, I will compile a list in this thread of people who will accept PM's to give advice.

The biggest bit of advice I've seen bandied around is the truest- no matter what else is true about the situation, always be yourself. It's no good to act like someone else, because eventually the true you will come out and the other person will not be happy you hid that from them.

Rules Of Relationships:
#1- Communicate. If you can't talk with your partner, it's probably not going to work.

#2- Be yourself. Admittedly, if you have some really bad habits you should probably try to change them, but be honest about who you are. No one wants to find out they were loving a lie, and no one likes to live a lie (...well, normally).

#3- Accept your partner. In mine, and other people's, experience you have to be able to accept your partner as they are, because they probably won't be able to change. Also, don't change drastically for someone. I've tried it, my friends have tried it, it doesn't work and it doesn't end pretty.

#4- Hints. Do. Not. Work. Or they might, but the chance of that happening is limited. Some people are like me and just utterly oblivious unless it is blatantly stated, others are (also like me) and don't want to assume, and yet others don't care. You won't know which they belong to unless you actually spell out your intentions and/or feelings. I would consider this a corrolery to Rule #1 except that it comes up so often. Do NOT assume someone should know something from hints. Hints, by nature, are subtle. Clue Bats/Crow Bars/Mack Trucks are not. Try hitting them with one of those. ;) (No, not literally. I mean be upfront if you are trying to get someone to know something.)

Private Advice Givers:
Eh, I'm pretty sure any regular has an open PM box for you.

RULES. YOU READ THESE.
-Anything of a sexual nature, please PM to either myself or one of the regular advice givers. If you just want general opinions post something like: "I have this problem, but it is not board appropriate. Could one of you guys PM me?" I know from experience that you will in fact get help.

-KEEP IT NICE. Disagreements are bound to happen, but please don't be rude.

-Joking is all fun and games, within reasons. Please do not get derogatory.

I decided to put this up because, evidently, it was not apparent that these should be followed. I do not want this thread to be scrubbed again, and we were blessed to get it back.

Cheers,
Syka

Banners By Felix:

Banners

Okay, so I now have the banners as gif/png. Everyone who has a banner in their sig will need to swap it for the new banner, or Rawhide will be sad.

Banner One:
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Pocketa

2008-11-18, 12:06 AM

So, yeah, I posted last in the RWAV, so, here it is in case you missed it.

I'm taking my boyfriend to a GitP meetup in my area.

He hates DnD and M:tG and nerdy stuff.

We'll end up ditching and going to Telegraph probably.

But yeah.

He has this annoying habit of saying he's busy, then I make my own plans, then he changes his mind and says he isn't busy. It's already happened twice, which is why I'm bringing him to the meetup. I haven't seen him for 2 weeks, so I might as well do two birds, one stone.

Krytha

2008-11-18, 12:15 AM

So he doesn't enjoy your hobbies? That's a shame.

Dragonrider

2008-11-18, 12:31 AM

Well, there's time for conversion. :smallwink:

Neko Toast

2008-11-18, 12:33 AM

Pocketa: He doesn't like gaming?! :smalleek:

I kid. It's a shame that you don't share the same hobbies, though.

Then again, opposites attract.

Well, have you already warned him about the heavy gaming atmosphere that will most likely be present at said meet up?

Krytha

2008-11-18, 12:49 AM

Au contraire, opposites attracting is a pop-science myth. Many studies support the idea that it is in fact similarities that draw people together.

Don Julio Anejo

2008-11-18, 12:56 AM

Well, most studies say that the single most telling factor of whether two people will get together is how often they see each other.

So you're more likely seeing Mulder and Scully (or other such TV different gender cop buddy partners) sleeping together than you are seeing pink ballet princess falling in love with the sk8r boi.

Don Julio Anejo

2008-11-18, 12:58 AM

Pocketa

2008-11-18, 01:06 AM

Well, we have other interests, and he treats me really well. We're not controlling, etc. Yeah, he's protective, only when his roommate that's also my ex is mean to me.

Other interests!!!

music
same clothes style
video games
each other

But yeah.

He said he'll pack a pocket protector.

And he doesn't even know my username!

Pyrian

2008-11-18, 01:17 AM

If a girl likes me (you know, likes me likes me), and I barely know her, but I'm open to getting to know her better and maybe getting into a relationship, how do I do it?Traditionally, you start by asking her out. This can take many forms (shared interests help, but if you don't know her well a personal interest can substitute, especially if it's interesting), but first dates best involve time to talk and/or otherwise interact.

Just a hypothetical question, it's come up several times in my past, and every single time we just ended up really good friends for a while and then drifted apart.Off-hand, I'd guess you never "made a move", so to speak. If you're male and want to have a relationship with a woman, you're generally expected to try to find a private moment and kiss her, usually on the first or second date.

Hadrian_Emrys

2008-11-18, 01:22 AM

Pocketa: Eh, not much to say here. I usually dislike the worst of the gaming crowd myself, despite being a fan of nerdy things. Something about how being big on tabletop usually means that you also have a serious fear of running water touching your skin. It's not that hard guys! A little scrub goes a LONG way. :smallfurious:

Krytha/Don Julio: I'm afraid I have to dispute your collective stance. The exotic is often viewed as erotic, especially on a base level. It's a matter of maintaining a healthy diversity in the next generation. Thus, opposites attract. However, I will state that the things that hold people together after the initial attraction are the things a couple have in common. What a sick joke that is huh? Being wired to gravitate towards something different, but only sticking with them if they are the same.

Don: It's simple really, do just that. Arrange to meet somewhere neutral, where there is no pressure to stay put if things do not progress comfortably. I'd suggest something like mini-golf personally. It's a fun little activity that is low impact, thus allows for a setting and environment suitable for chatting folks up.

reorith

2008-11-18, 01:32 AM

Okay, my turn to ask advice in this thread..

If a girl likes me (you know, likes me likes me), and I barely know her, but I'm open to getting to know her better and maybe getting into a relationship, how do I do it?

Just a hypothetical question, it's come up several times in my past, and every single time we just ended up really good friends for a while and then drifted apart.

dude this is how its done. first ignore your fear of anything. then go up to this girl and say "so i heard you liek me." at which point she'll probably say "why yes don julio anejo, yes i do. i would love nothing more than to use my ovipositor to lay my eggs in your abdominal cavity." after this, check your geiger counter. if it reads 12 or more, she's escaped the zone and you'd be best served to get out of there fast. eleven to eight is still risky and assess the threat against how cute she is. seven to negative three, i'd go ahead with order 66. or you could act as if you're not seeking a relationship. i read somewhere that women like guys that don't act in obvious predictable ways. show her some spontaneity with a pick up game of russian roulette.

Don Julio Anejo

2008-11-18, 01:45 AM

Well, that's the thing. If a girl I know doesn't have a crush on me, I have no trouble hitting on her and getting her attracted to me.

But if a girl already likes me, I'm kinda at a loss of what to do - it feels as if all the work has been done already, so I pretty much don't do anything. I don't really flirt with her, I don't do anything romantic. I just treat her as if she was a friend, which kinda kills the attraction after a few months.

Hadrian_Emrys

2008-11-18, 01:48 AM

What? You only do those sweet nothings as a way to make someone like you? :smallconfused: Half of the fun of the early part of the dating game is doing those little things, and having a time all the while. If someone thinks they like you, that's only the first step down. The REAL work is actually getting a true relationship going. If you need a task to work for, that one is often a tall order.

Pyrian

2008-11-18, 02:20 AM

But if a girl already likes me, I'm kinda at a loss of what to do - it feels as if all the work has been done already, so I pretty much don't do anything. I don't really flirt with her, I don't do anything romantic. I just treat her as if she was a friend, which kinda kills the attraction after a few months.Wait, are you one of those guys who only enjoys "the hunt"? Is that what this is about? Because, y'know, most guys who are presented with an attractive sure thing are going to just go ahead and, um, partake.

Headless_Ninja

2008-11-18, 02:32 AM

SilverSheriff

2008-11-18, 02:56 AM

I have a crush on one of my bosses, we get along really well; talking about video games and such. She's 6 years older than I am which makes things awkward on top of the fact that she is my Boss.

I think the reason I like her is because I'm not hanging around young ladies my own age.... :redface::eek:

I know that work-place relationships tend to end badly, so should I just keep walking?

Pyrian

2008-11-18, 03:25 AM

Workplace relationships are more dangerous than they might be otherwise, but whatever. Trying to date your boss or a subordinate, however, is a very bad idea.

Don Julio Anejo

2008-11-18, 03:33 AM

It's not that I'm one of the "thrill of the hunt" guys, I don't chase women for the purpose of chasing women (I'm actually pretty conservative compared to some of my slutty friends) or I cut notches in my bed rest. It seems closer to this empty feeling that you get once you achieve your life's goal... (can't remember the psychological name for the love of me).

@ Black Pants Guy: depends if your job is something you can easily quit and find another one like it if your relationship backfires. Nothing wrong with dating someone older than you though... Hell, my (most exciting) relationship was with a girl 8 years older than me (I was 19, she was 27).

Evil DM Mark3

2008-11-18, 03:41 AM

Thank you sktarq for your advice. I would mention at this point that neither of us have even the faintest idea about this sort of thing.

Coidzor

2008-11-18, 04:46 AM

Well, Jules, it's one of those unfortunate things that you can't rest on your laurels after winning someone's interest. You have to put some effort in both confirming at least a mutual interest and in maintaining said interests.

It's kinda disappointing when you realize how much one's reasoning abilities can be hampered by the situations one puts oneself in...

SilverSheriff

2008-11-18, 05:25 AM

@ Black Pants Guy: depends if your job is something you can easily quit and find another one like it if your relationship backfires. Nothing wrong with dating someone older than you though... Hell, my (most exciting) relationship was with a girl 8 years older than me (I was 19, she was 27).

I started my job a two months ago, I'd seem lazy if I were to quit within the next 4 months, not that I'd want to; It's one the small list of things that still make me happy (I assure you that Roleplaying is indeed on that list). To be exact my interest is the Deputy Manager of the store (the Manager of the store is my Dad's Girlfriend's Son's Girlfriend, thus explaining how I managed to get the job in the first place)(the store in question is a nation-wide store chain), I find myself talking too her everyday, hell, when a black-out shutdown the store for the day we found ourselves talking about Zombie films. the problem with my age is that I'm sixteen, which is an age nowhere suitable for a relationship with a twenty-two year old woman.

summing it up: I'm happy with my job and I'm too young to have a relationship with her, but maybe I could try in say...two years.:annoyed:

what I'm looking for is advice in how to ask her out when I have a bit more credibility to my name, how could I impress her through my work?

ForzaFiori

2008-11-18, 06:11 AM

@ previous thread:
I hear you on the 'spend less time with her' idea, but I sit next to her in all my lessons and her birthday is coming up, so there are some times that I can't be away from her. I also don't want her to think I'm avoiding her.

spending less time doesn't help, in my experiences. It just makes you miserable cause you don't see her, she gets sad cause you don't see each other, and you wind up thinking about her more. I'm sorry to say that the only thing I know of you can do is just wait. Whether you want to wait for the feelings to go away or the boyfriend is up to you. Personally I'd go with an either/or type deal.

Coidzor

2008-11-18, 06:31 AM

spending less time doesn't help, in my experiences. It just makes you miserable cause you don't see her, she gets sad cause you don't see each other, and you wind up thinking about her more. I'm sorry to say that the only thing I know of you can do is just wait. Whether you want to wait for the feelings to go away or the boyfriend is up to you. Personally I'd go with an either/or type deal.

Well, that's why one should also be putting in the effort to meet new people and in general, busy oneself so that brooding is that much more difficult to actually sit down and do. Whether you meet someone new who you can really click with or you just hone your social skills and show that you're not obsessed and can let something happen naturally if the SO leaves the picture.

It's not going to work for everyone, but it seems like a good plan for what to do while waiting for things to die down. But you are right about how simply spending effort in avoiding her would be self-defeating and unpleasant. Probably messy too. And that it is the time more than the simple distraction that does the trick... "Time Heals All Wounds" and all. Well, except for mortal ones... and lobotomies...

Edit: Question about question-framing/asking.... In regards to the situation I posted about just before the end of the last thread. What's a good way to phrase a question asking "Do you actually know your intentions towards me/Are you actually looking for something here or can we get to the awkward this can't work out?" Basically I'm trying to work it out and my ability to frame a question is feeling rather clunky. I'm trying to figure out if a girl even knows what's going on in regards to her end, and if she has taken a position regarding me (other than, see what happens as a result of a date), figure out what that position is and whether I should get the awkward turning down of doomed sexual tension out of the way beforehand or just go on the date, make sure she doesn't try anything and figure out how to let her down as a part of that or after that.

Did any of that make sense?

I just asked her if she had taken a position on things for the date. And admittedly I am tired so my phrasing was poor... She just thought that I was confirming details with her or something. Should I ask her what she wants to happen/expects and just gauge that for how dangerous it'll be for me?

Felixaar

2008-11-18, 07:24 AM

DJA, kinda depends on whether your interested in the girl or not. A simple "hey, would you like to go out some time?" works fairly well if you're the confident person you appear.

Black Pants Guy, as you say, you're too young yet to get into shennanigans withsomeone so far over your age. I'm all for not letting age be a barrier to love, but when you're still (I assume) a young schooling, it's not a good idea. I'd simply say to wait it out and it will pass, unless she does something.

Coid, it's one of those "lets talk" situations where you need to sit her down and have a serious talk about it. Or, alternatively, just put up with it all. It's up to you.

SilverSheriff

2008-11-18, 07:49 AM

Black Pants Guy, as you say, you're too young yet to get into shennanigans withsomeone so far over your age. I'm all for not letting age be a barrier to love, but when you're still (I assume) a young schooling, it's not a good idea. I'd simply say to wait it out and it will pass, unless she does something.

For the record: I work for my living, I quit school mid-year to get out and make some money before I hit 18 (thats when my Dad promised he'd kick me out, great family I have eh?).

loopy

2008-11-18, 08:59 AM

I have a general question. Is there any 'tips' (though I am loathe to use the word) on how to be just friends with a girl? As I have a rather shocking record of falling for girls I am friends with.

I can supply more details if requested, but yeah.

SilentNight

2008-11-18, 09:23 AM

valadil

2008-11-18, 10:00 AM

three08

2008-11-18, 10:15 AM

Edit: Question about question-framing/asking.... In regards to the situation I posted about just before the end of the last thread. What's a good way to phrase a question asking "Do you actually know your intentions towards me/Are you actually looking for something here or can we get to the awkward this can't work out?" Basically I'm trying to work it out and my ability to frame a question is feeling rather clunky. I'm trying to figure out if a girl even knows what's going on in regards to her end, and if she has taken a position regarding me (other than, see what happens as a result of a date), figure out what that position is and whether I should get the awkward turning down of doomed sexual tension out of the way beforehand or just go on the date, make sure she doesn't try anything and figure out how to let her down as a part of that or after that.

Did any of that make sense?

I just asked her if she had taken a position on things for the date. And admittedly I am tired so my phrasing was poor... She just thought that I was confirming details with her or something. Should I ask her what she wants to happen/expects and just gauge that for how dangerous it'll be for me?

it is going to involve more than just one question, as felixaar says, but if you're looking for a solid phrasing to get the ball rolling, may i suggest

"do you know yet how far you might be interested in going with this relationship?"

or similar. if you ask about the date, then yeah, that's probably what i would assume you meant. if you ask about the relationship, it's clearer and less ambiguous. course, this assumes you do have a relationship already, ie that it isn't the first date. if the relationship is new, i don't think there's really any way to ask that question without coming off shallow.

AKA_Bait

2008-11-18, 10:19 AM

I've been with my girlfriend for a little over a year. She's a geek but not a gamer. I'm cool with that and we agree that it's probably for the best that I can use D&D as a guys night out.

Here's the problem. She tells me she's interested in hearing about the story that I'm coming up with for the game I'm about to GM. It's based on GRRM's books, which she enjoyed. But every time I try to run storylines by her she doesn't let me.

I wouldn't mind if she said she flat out told me she didn't care about gaming. It's that she keeps telling me I can talk about gaming and then assures me she's interested in hearing about it without ever actually giving me a conversation.

What does 'doesn't let you' mean exactly? Also, bear in mind that she may just be being polite and attempting to be a supportive SO when she doesn't really care. You have never pretended to be interested in something of hers that wasn't exactly up your alley? I'd just take the gesture for what it is, well intentioned, and not get annoyed if she doesn't really seem interested.

Krytha

2008-11-18, 10:29 AM

Krytha/Don Julio: I'm afraid I have to dispute your collective stance. The exotic is often viewed as erotic, especially on a base level. It's a matter of maintaining a healthy diversity in the next generation. Thus, opposites attract. However, I will state that the things that hold people together after the initial attraction are the things a couple have in common. What a sick joke that is huh? Being wired to gravitate towards something different, but only sticking with them if they are the same.

Ok, but what evidence do you have to support that claim? I mean, even a quick scholar.google search will link "opposites do not attract" to a bunch of articles and article abstracts which cite actual studies. I've never seen anything that supports a genetic "wiring" for attraction to people who are radically different from ourselves. Got a link to something that says otherwise?

valadil

2008-11-18, 10:36 AM

What does 'doesn't let you' mean exactly? Also, bear in mind that she may just be being polite and attempting to be a supportive SO when she doesn't really care. You have never pretended to be interested in something of hers that wasn't exactly up your alley? I'd just take the gesture for what it is, well intentioned, and not get annoyed if she doesn't really seem interested.

Doesn't let me means that as soon as I start she interrupts and explains why she can't listen to it right now. I think you're right that she's just being polite when she says she's interested, but she could at least zone out while letting me babble about the game. Feigned interest I can deal with, but she isn't even bothering to do that. She's telling me she has feigned interest. Does that make it twice feigned?

Neko Toast

2008-11-18, 10:56 AM

Question: Could relationships include 'friendships', or should I seek another thread?

There's something I need to get off of my chest, and I want people's opinions, too.

Headless_Ninja

2008-11-18, 11:06 AM

Thanks for the advice folks. Meeting new people is doable (in fact I've recently started spending time with a completely different circle) although I have limited free time due to the proximity of my exams. So the difficulty now is spending more time with other friends without making it obvious?

Krytha

2008-11-18, 11:20 AM

Question: Could relationships include 'friendships', or should I seek another thread?

There's something I need to get off of my chest, and I want people's opinions, too.

Well, by sheer technicality relationships do include friendships and all sorts of things, so I don't see why not. As far as I can tell - Go for it.

Neko Toast

2008-11-18, 11:36 AM

Alright then.

The reason why this came up in the first place was because of Prom Week. Reminded me of the prom at my school, and why I couldn't go.

This (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=97013) is why I couldn't go to my senior prom. Didn't feel like retyping that.

Several other issues came up with this "Friend" of mine during my last year of high school, and during that summer.

The main issue was that, despite our "friendship", she was always embarrassed whenever I was around her when her other friends were around. I mean, I'm quirky. It's just how I am. Once those friends leave, she always nags me to stop being so 'awkward'. To be frank, she wanted me to be something I wasn't.

I don't remember exactly how it started, it may have been the prom thing, but I eventually cut her off and stopped 'being her friend', so to speak. She was rather pissed about this, and she sought revenge.

She got this 'revenge' on the Day of Silence. The Day of Silence takes place in April, where people who are against the oppression of homosexuality cease talking for a whole day. Some people were verbal that day, but wore a pin saying they still supported it. I chose to be silent that day. So when we were getting dressed for gym class, she took this opportunity to verbally abuse me, since she knew that I couldn't retaliate verbally. I eventually gave her a light slap upside the head, just to get her to shut up. She proceeded to attack me again, this time saying that I 'broke the rules' because I 'communicated' through actions.

A lot of other small things happened throughout the year. I think that, at some point before graduation, we 'made up', and spoke to each other again. But after I came back from my trip to France, and my last year of summer swim team commenced, her old habits started coming back. Not able to take it anymore, I broke it off for good at our last swim meet, aka All City. I haven't seen her since. She now goes to UW Eau Claire, while I'm at UW Stevens Point.
Just wanted to get this off of my chest. I do have a question, though: Does all of this sound silly, or did I do the right thing by breaking it off?

Extra Note - Ironically, when we first met in elementary school, we were worst enemies. We made amends in middle school, and we were best friends through that and most of high school.

Krytha

2008-11-18, 11:45 AM

It's definitely too bad that you had to break off being friends, because that is never nice. But, if you were no longer enjoying each other's company and constantly fighting and antagonizing each other, then yes, it was for the best.

It seems clear that you were headed in different directions for quite some time - not only in social circles, but mannerisms and behaviour. Once again, it is terrible to lose a friend you've known for a while, but if that person is not acting like a friend to you, then you lost them a long time ago and it is time to move on.

Syka

2008-11-18, 12:17 PM

On opposites attracting: This was actually a small section in my relationships book because it's a popular myth.

Opposites do NOT attract, EXCEPT in cases were it is complimentary. If one member is submissive and the other dominant (in general life, not sexually), that works better than if both are submissive or dominant. But, in the long run opposites attract no more than any other type and they stay together less often.

Cheers,
Syka

Pyrian

2008-11-18, 12:39 PM

Just wanted to get this off of my chest. I do have a question, though: Does all of this sound silly, or did I do the right thing by breaking it off?I would not maintain a friendship with someone who treated me poorly, or was embarrassed by my mere presence! :smallyuk: Life's too short to waste time on bad "friends".

Hadrian_Emrys

2008-11-18, 01:58 PM

Good bawb almighty... the sources from my view are actually books in my step-father's library. I forget the titles, but I've seen it time and time again in my day to day life. Hell, my ex even admits her initial draw towards me was based upon the fact that I was so alien to her. We're talking in terms of ethnic background up to the very way I thought.

xPANCAKEx

2008-11-18, 02:07 PM

Slayer - you did the right thing - she sounds like too much hassle

Don Julio Anejo

2008-11-18, 04:16 PM

Slayer, nothing wrong with that. I'm pretty sure most people have had to or will have to deal with a "friend" like that eventually.

Coidzor

2008-11-18, 04:34 PM

Slayer: it was both. The situation itself was silly since she couldn't accept you as you were but also couldn't accept the possibility that you'd reject her as a friend for her rejection of you as a person.

Thanks for the feedback. I think I mainly just needed to get this off of my chest so I could get a look at how I'd laid out the situation. Bleh. I hate losing initiative.

evisiron

2008-11-18, 05:10 PM

Got an depressingly interesting situation here. Posting to vent as much as hope for advice.

Long story short (for the most part):
-Went to Texas (from Northern Ireland) to study for a year
-Met a girl, fell head over heels in love
-When having to go home (damn visa...) we decided to carry on with a Long distance relationship until we could move around (both had less than 2 years of Uni education to go, me for 1 year, her for 1.5)
-we planned to meet at Christmas for the holidays, longer stuff planned in the future.

Now, her dad is from Pakistan, with her mum from the US. There have been a few stalling points (such as me getting invited to their house) where the dad needed to consider it for a few days, but other than that things have run smoothly.
Aside: He is Muslim, but not "very Muslim" as my girlfriend puts it. He had raised his daughter as a Muslim to about 7 years old then left it, so now she is basically not at all Muslim.

Now... her family from her dads side has come over to Texas to stay for 2 months. If I get over, these will coincide. No worries, plenty of room etc. But it has dredged up a lot of issues about what the family will think of the daughter dating someone who is not Muslim.

Now, in my ignorance, I thought "He married a woman who is not Muslim, so there probably aren't any issues". Apparently I was wrong, and there is some gender specific boundaries. From what the father has said to my girlfriend, it sounds like he is saying he will have to decide between her and the rest of his family/religion. No-one in the Pakistan side of the family knows about me yet, and there was talk about having to pretend to be married to 'make it acceptable'. I believe he is talking to his family and a 'holy man' about the situation, but have not heard back about it. He is slow to talk about uncomfortable topics.

The small scale stuff is that we might not be able to meet up (she is stuck in Texas for unrelated stuff), and if we do, will everything in the house be incredibly tense and horrible. That sucks on its own, a year of not seeing each other is terrible.

Larger scale, this could have a serious impact on the father-daughter relationship for the future, and as a 3rd party pointed out, I would be the cause of it. I worry about how this might affect our future.

*Sigh* Add to that the fact that I might be having trouble getting over due to possible Visa difficulties... ugh.

Any advice welcome of course. Thanks for reading my woes.

Syka

2008-11-18, 05:21 PM

I don't normally advocate lying, but you could always just say you are a good friend of hers and you guys haven't seen each other in a while so you wanted to visit over break? Not completely a lie and avoiding the whole "zomg she's dating a non-Muslim".

Basically, my understanding is guys are allowed to date outside the religion but it's a big no-no for women. I guess they don't realize she doesn't consider herself Muslim?

Cheers,
Syka

xPANCAKEx

2008-11-18, 05:32 PM

evisiron - lying is not the way to go, and will do you no good in the long run. Your best bet is to hire yourself a motel room/find some cheap & temporary digs on craigslist (if you're lucky, you may find someone who needs a house sitter while they vacation). It will show to the father that you're willing to respect his space, and also that you care about his daughter. I know its far from ideal (less time to spend around each other and extra expense), but if you're serious about making a long term go of things with this woman, then a few short term sacrifices and bumps in the road are a small price to pay

skywalker

2008-11-18, 05:33 PM

Basically, my understanding is guys are allowed to date outside the religion but it's a big no-no for women. I guess they don't realize she doesn't consider herself Muslim?

Or it might not matter.

I vote for pretend to be married! It might be the only chance you get parentally sanctioned... nevermind...

But seriously, don't worry about causing father-daughter rifts, if she loves you then she'll want to stay with you and if he loves her he'll respect her choice and to hell with the rest of his family. I know it's his family but your number one responsibility in life is to your wife and kids. Rest of family is number two...

It's understandable to worry about her relationship with her dad, but if you guys are serious enough to remain long-distance from Texas to Ireland, I would think your primary concern should be your relationship with her. And worrying/doubting/whatevering that your relationship with her is ruining her relationship with her dad, as well as putting that relationship(EDIT: With her dad) ahead of your own, is bad juju.

Syka

2008-11-18, 06:21 PM

Pancake, the impression I got was that the father was OK with him staying until it was found that his family was coming over to visit, who would not approve (he evidently approves). He is worried he will have to choose between his family and what makes his daughter happy.

In the long run, it'll end up bad either way, regardless of what happens now, if they decide to stay together. Even if they are 'married' already, the family would still probably throw a hissy fit that he isn't Muslim if they are just worried about a non-Muslim boyfriend (seriously...if that freaks them out, how badly would a non-Muslim husband be?).

Cheers~

Starshade

2008-11-18, 06:32 PM

Evisiron, seems you got lucky with an understanding father of the girl you met. Not all who is raised in a different country, with a totally different religious background would be able to accept their daughter having a relationship with a western guy. :smallsmile:

The "Family from pakistan" issue sounds too familiar, there has been simmiliar issues with ppl with background from islam dominated countries in my country too. I think Syka is right; if a non-muslim boyfriend would freak them out, a western non-muslim husband might seem worse.

Player_Zero

2008-11-18, 06:44 PM

I think I felt better with the post up. Slightly editted it in an attempt to not be quite so hideously emotive.

I've been pretty much just lying in bed crying for the past two or so weeks due to my own unique stupidity.

Essentially speaking, I liked a girl. Realistically, one I would never even meet. Completely internet based. Which is odd, considering how "seriously" I generally take things to be on here. Anyway, she said she liked me, which is a first. Though, I'm not so sure this wasn't simply due to loneliness on her part now.

As the story goes, she liked someone else. She liked someone else more. Someone who she talked to more, had met in real life, and was generally, it must be said, nicer than me. This was painful for me. Bearing in mind the pathetic loser that I am. In her own words she never considered me "valid", presumably due to the distance between us.

So, after attempting and failing to deal with this, trying to at least maintain my previous level of maliciousness, I said some pretty horrible things. Partly out of hurt and partly so no one who care when I cut off contact, which is exactly what I did.

And now being the idiot I am I can't readily give up my feelings, though I'm sure any hint of caring about me in this mannner was given up some time ago. I suppose this would be because I have never cared about anyone previously. I might even have loved her, though I know how moronic that sounds even to me.

I'm not really looking for advice, this is more of a 'me talking to myself' post, like most every other post I make. I know what the right thing to do would be, which is to apologise and try to at least end up with some resemblence of friendship, though to be fair I don't think I'm capable of considering someone as a friend what with general insecurities. But I feel this would be a bit too painful for me right now.

All in all, I feel bad, sad and alone, even though emotions are to be feared and hated. And I realise I'm being amazingly self-centered too, yes.
And I emphasise the 'this is just me talking to myself' part. I'm not even sure I want comments, let alone your advice. I do not take advice well and I am easily capable of reading unexpressed opinions in. No offence.

Vagnarok

2008-11-18, 07:51 PM

rayne_dragon

2008-11-18, 08:00 PM

Player Zero if you decide you for sure you don't want to read comments, just ignore this. Also, I am not trying to offer advice in this.

It's good that you're getting your feelings off your chest, stuff like that sucks. You're also smart to realize you might not be able to handle being friends, it may very well be better that way.

Krytha

2008-11-18, 09:06 PM

When my dad was courting my mom, he was in something of a similar situation. They met at school, and then had to deal with my mom's Chinese family who did not approve of her marrying some white yokel AT ALL. Of course, being the headstrong idiot he is paid no heed and ended up marrying her anyway and it worked out. You might have to do some extra things, but once you're married there's not much they can do, and eventually they may even grudgingly accept you.

TRM

2008-11-18, 09:18 PM

Loopy: Just try and tell yourself that she's off-limits. Like your friend's girlfriend or sister. That or just get yourself infatuated with someone else, so you can just hang out as friends with other girls. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was me talking out my a**.
The part I bolded has worked for me in the past. Every time you start thinking "I'm in love with that girl." mentally smack yourself and say to yourself: She's off limits, she's off limits, she's off limits. I bet it will work with a passing infatuation; and if it doesn't, you keep liking her for months and months, maybe you should act on it?

Felixaar

2008-11-18, 10:30 PM

Slayer, though you hardly need retelling that you did the right thing, I should point out that it is perfectly okay to post not only about relationships with friends but pretty much anything you feel like posting about in here. We're hardly going to turn you out on the proverbial street with the classic 'and don't come back!' just because your issue is not suited entirely to our taste.

Evisiron, I'd say just to sit back and let things run their natural course. Her father, at least, sounds like a pretty nice guy, and I'm sure things will work out well so long as you keep up good healthy communication with both her and her father.

BPS Ah, okay, I understand. That's a debatably wise move, if I might say so myself.

fruit-loops (i.e. loopy) nope. You'll kind of either get over it or you wont. Avoiding her, if possible,is probably best so long as you dont entirely estrange her.

Valadil, I'd say not to worry about it so much, unless it's really bothering you. If it really bothers you that much you should talk to her about it.

Well, that's all from me now, kids. And remember - "If you're not angry enough to bare-knuckle box, then you're not really that angry."

Haruki-kun

2008-11-18, 10:57 PM

I have a really uncomfortable question... how important do you think women consider looks to be when looking for a relationship?

Or more than looks, stuff like... fashion and such things?

Neko Toast

2008-11-18, 11:03 PM

I have a really uncomfortable question... how important do you think women consider looks to be when looking for a relationship?

Or more than looks, stuff like... fashion and such things?

I'm not saying that all women are like this, but in my opinion, a guy doesn't have to wear 'fashionable' clothes. They just shouldn't dress like a slob, ie. Dirty clothes and the like. In Lamens terms, don't look like a bum.

I'm more concerned about the guy's personality. I'm not about to go out with a complete A-hole.

My advice, just don't look like a bum, and be yourself.

skywalker

2008-11-18, 11:06 PM

Haruki-kun

2008-11-18, 11:10 PM

Can you describe the woman(or type of woman you're after)?

Type of Woman I'm after: Female. That pretty much sums it up.

Don't really have anyone in mind... I just wondered if it's something I'm doing wrong...

Pyrian

2008-11-18, 11:25 PM

how important do you think women consider looks to be when looking for a relationship?First off, everybody's an individual, and what exactly is how important to whom changes a lot from one woman to another. Overall, women prioritize looks less than men, but far FAR more than they will usually admit. :smallbiggrin:

Or more than looks, stuff like... fashion and such things?Alright, let's say a given woman's got 400 pairs of shoes and budgets more for new ones than she does on rent (I know this person). You better believe she'll notice exactly what's on your feet - she'll know your shoes size, how much you spent on them, and how long you've had them, before she knows your name.

...You probably don't want to go out with that woman, but you get the idea; fashion is more important to women than it is to men, and in general they're more likely to notice and care about the general state of your grooming.

Jack Squat

2008-11-18, 11:27 PM

I have a really uncomfortable question... how important do you think women consider looks to be when looking for a relationship?

Or more than looks, stuff like... fashion and such things?

It's not as important as you'd think it is. There's got to be some physical attraction, but personality is more important.

Look at it this way, even Marty Feldman was able to find someone.

As far as fashion, I actually think it's pretty hard to mess that up unless you're going through the clearance rack in Goodwill. Most department stores are fairly recent, and you could probably randomly pick out clothes and still look decent.

Gray Jester

2008-11-18, 11:48 PM

Type of Woman I'm after: Female. That pretty much sums it up.

Don't really have anyone in mind... I just wondered if it's something I'm doing wrong...

Yes, not having clear enough standards and goals. In my experience, if you're willing to date just anyone, you come across as easy and not worth most girl's time, among other things. Set some standards for yourself, or at least come up with a list of qualities (and be honest) that are good/bad in a girl. Figure out what you want, it makes narrowing down your options easier and it makes you more attractive to them. Don't stick too heavily to them, nobody is perfect, but it helps in more then one way.

I have a really uncomfortable question... how important do you think women consider looks to be when looking for a relationship?

Or more than looks, stuff like... fashion and such things?

Depends on the girl. Some heavily emphasize looks, some heavily emphasize personality. In my personal opinion, it's less what you look like and more what you demonstrate through how you look and act, as long as you're over a certain bare minimum in the actual looks department. I mean, obviously, looking like a movie star helps, but it isn't mandatory.

Also, fashion and being well groomed are attractive for a different reason: they show that you can take care of yourself. Most women aren't looking for dependants. Being fit can also fall under this category, as well as being in the physical looks category.

Don Julio Anejo

2008-11-19, 12:00 AM

From what I've noticed, fashion as in being decked out in Prada isn't important unless you're dating a gold digger. What's important is taking care of yourself and how you look (good grooming). I.e. your clothes fit you nicely, they're clean, you don't commit fashion suicide (like tucking in dress shirts into jeans, especially without a belt). Personal hygiene is a part of this too.

Also, it's not that important to wear styles that are currently IN fashion as it is to NOT wear styles that are OUT of fashion. Wearing a neutral jacket that's not in or out of style is better than wearing a type of jacket everyone wore 2 years ago and you don't see anyone in anymore.

Looks are important only as far as first impressions go. If you're good looking, a random girl is much more likely to give you her phone number and the like, but past the initial impression, self-confidence matters more.

Zarrexaij

2008-11-19, 12:24 AM

Pssh, you honestly think all of us women actually care what is out of fashion? :smallconfused: :smalltongue:

I don't give a **** what my guy wears, to be quite frank. His clothes aren't important. His personality and intellect is.

Pyrian

2008-11-19, 12:31 AM

I don't give a **** what my guy wears, to be quite frank. His clothes aren't important. His personality and intellect is....This is the guy you can't talk to, right? :smalltongue:

SilentNight

2008-11-19, 12:32 AM

It seems hairstyle helps too. It basically comes down to comportment (hey, I used a new word!) How do you carry yourself? While this does include looks and physical fitness, it also includes personality, habits and just the way you come off.

Now, this isn't so much a problem as a solicitation for advice. It may not even generate advice, I just need to get my thoughts in order. I just came off of a break up about a week and a half ago, clean break, we're still good friends, but I just feel kind of......stagnant. Maybe its just the absence of someone I care about but I feel like there's something missing in my life. So really what I'm asking I guess is where to from here?

Haruki-kun

2008-11-19, 12:38 AM

It seems hairstyle helps too.

Aww... crap. My hair's a painful mess. Always. Freakin' always. :smallfrown:

SilentNight

2008-11-19, 12:40 AM

Aww... crap. My hair's a painful mess. Always. Freakin' always. :smallfrown:

I'm not saying it's overly important but it seems to help.

TFT

2008-11-19, 01:30 AM

Alright, not a relationship question but....

So at my school(Small, about 100 kid school), I have an interesting... "position", as I call it. I kind of feel like a meme, so to speak. My name has at times been called out by people for no reason in the hallways, I do something random(For instance, be in a dance contest)and become somewhat popular... but its just a face value thing. I don't really feel that any of the guys who do that are my friends, but are following the crowd. Plus, I'm a junior at the school, and I feel like one of of the only ones who isn't considered an upperclassmen because of that. I have some friends I trust, but many people... Just face value. Plus many of the people at school act like I'm a lot more immature, stupid, or younger then them, and then I look at the retarded things they do and(Though this may sound a bit immature in and of itself) laugh, as well as find it ironic the way they treat me. So I guess my question is, how do I better my reputation, or a better way to put it might be how do I make them see past the memeness?

Spoilered for length and rantiness, as well as the confusing way I put things sometimes.

skywalker

2008-11-19, 01:36 AM

It seems hairstyle helps too. It basically comes down to comportment (hey, I used a new word!) How do you carry yourself? While this does include looks and physical fitness, it also includes personality, habits and just the way you come off. I agree. I recently got some new shoes(for winter), new jeans, and new shirts. My girlfriend remarked about the amount of difference it has made in how she feels about introducing me, etc. Not to say that she doesn't love me if I don't have new clothes, just that, in a way, if you don't wrap yourself up nicely, you're not selling yourself properly. Kinda like wrapping an engagement ring(or similar object) in plain brown paper. I think...

As for fashion suicide, shirt(t-shirt no less) tucked into jeans with no belt describes a video I saw of Steve Jobs just yesterday. I think once you get to a certain point, fashion becomes moot. Also, as you(and your mate/potential mate) age, this becomes less important.

Now, this isn't so much a problem as a solicitation for advice. It may not even generate advice, I just need to get my thoughts in order. I just came off of a break up about a week and a half ago, clean break, we're still good friends, but I just feel kind of......stagnant. Maybe its just the absence of someone I care about but I feel like there's something missing in my life. So really what I'm asking I guess is where to from here? How long of a relationship?

If it was lengthy, I'd say, yes, you're just missing companionship and have forgotten what it's like to be single, and that that is, in fact, ok. Why'd you break up?

Zarrexaij

2008-11-19, 01:37 AM

...This is the guy you can't talk to, right? :smalltongue:Theoretical guy, dear.

Although, yes, I don't particularly mind what he wears. :smalltongue:

Hadrian_Emrys

2008-11-19, 07:05 AM

Theoretical guy, dear.

Although, yes, I don't particularly mind what he wears. :smalltongue:

-because after all, in her mind, he's naked. :smallamused:

Felixaar

2008-11-19, 07:06 AM

Rookes (i.e. Haruki-Kun), I always say that you shouldnt bother about your appearance and that people will be natural attracted to you if they should be - but there are some looks that no one whatsoever is ever attracted to ever never no. If you wish to better your appearance, I offer two pieces of advice - first, make sure that your outward appearance is an outward reflection of your inner self. Do what works best for you, not what looks good on someone else. And secondly, read Serpentine's handy guide to appearance - it is here. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3566241&postcount=483)

SilentNight, from what I know it was pretty stagnant to start with, pal. You didn't put a lot in so you didn't get a lot out - learn from it and continue thus forth.

Catseye, if you want deep recognition of yourself by a good friend, high school seniors are the worst place to start. Hang out on these forums. We won't make you a meme, probably, and if you wish to discuss deeper things then do so. Enjoy the fact that you have a positive form of recognition amongst your peers. This is, howevver, unless you begin to dislike the persona they appear to force you into - remember to be yourself, regardless.

edit: an official Felixaarian announcement: I am content.

three08

2008-11-19, 11:03 AM

haruki-kun: you can make the 'messy' look work for you. generally if your hair is normally crazy, it's fairly quick and easy. forget about combs - use a brush, ideally just after you've got out of the shower and toweled off. your hair should be damp but not wet. brush it out relatively flat, and then shake it out a bit - just enough that it's not all lined up neatly anymore. the idea is you don't want any bits sticking up, or tangled or knotted, but as long as it's all laying down more or less flat it doesn't need to be parted or anything.

as a last resort for hair, the buzz cut is extremely low-maintenance and always an acceptable style for dudes. if your hair is v. blond, you won't want it *too* short, but even if that's the case you can find a happy medium.

i've always been of the opinion that fashion is unnecessary - you should just try to look good. this may seem dauntingly vague and ambiguous at first, but just look around you. see what other people are wearing that you like the look of and develop your own style off of that.

for me, when i started putting some thought into what i was wearing, the best thing i got out of it was more self-esteem.

Serpentine

2008-11-19, 11:45 AM

On appearances: First impressions are important, and to a large degree depend on physical appearance (though there are other things, such as stance, activities, speech, etc). Appearance/first impression gets their attention, your personality holds them.
On fashion: Personally, I'm actively turned off by brand logos being splashed all over the place. I think that the more important thing than "fashion" or "trendiness" is wearing things that suit you, that look good on you and that you feel good wearing. This latter can be especially important. You need to be physically comfortable in it, and looking good can also give you a boost to your confidence that makes you more attractive, above and beyond mere clothing - I say, if you can strut in it, wear it. My stepfather told me about his son's formal dinner. He said half the girls were wearing those dresses that are cut just about down to the bellybutton. They all either had very visible tape sticking them in place, or spent the whole time fiddling with them to make sure they weren't revealing anything. The girls that were wearing far less revealing but far more comfortable clothing looked far more appealing.
You might like to have a look at the Guide to Self-Image link in my sig. Sounds like it could be the sort of thing you're looking for (and feel free to suggest more stuff to add).

Syka

2008-11-19, 12:54 PM

Yes, I just turned fashion into a D&D skill. Sue me.

On Fashion (Clothing)- neat. Neat and clean are two rules you can't go wrong with. Preferably no holes, although ones in certain areas (arm pits, etc) are forgiveable if small. Their actual style of preference will vary, but neat and clean are ALWAYS good. I happen to personally prefer the jeans and t-shirt look or a gothy-ier look, but it's not something that will draw me to a particular person (well, the gothish look kind of does, but it is only a small fraction of attraction).

On Fashion (Grooming)- try neat. Sometimes, it's not possible. My ex had curly hair that was nigh impossible to tame. The only way he could brush it was straight out of the shower, but it still never looked 'neat'. But unless he spent hours trying to tame it with hair products (and even then I'm doubtful), I don't think it would have been worth the effor. Keep facial hair trimmed and not crazy. Stubble is generally acceptable, but each situation will vary and, for the love of God, make sure you don't have sand paper stubble. *wince*

In all honesty, as long as the criteria of neat and clean for clothes and clean for grooming are met, I'm happy. Personality will always win out. Physical attraction is part of that, and a small fraction of that is clothes/grooming but that part is infintisimle. Cleanliness is much more important.

Cheers,
Syka

xPANCAKEx

2008-11-19, 04:15 PM

I have a really uncomfortable question... how important do you think women consider looks to be when looking for a relationship?

Or more than looks, stuff like... fashion and such things?

It varies from girl to girl how much looks or (urgh) fashion matter to a guy. They are two distinct things after all. You can't date someone you're not physically attracted to (thats what being 'hot' is about). This doesn't neccesarily mean you have to be the next brad pitt or wearing the latest threads. Just find a sense of style that suits you - the sense of self-confidence you exude goes a long way towards making you attractive in the eyes of others

Generally, however, i find that if i make a bit more effort, smarten myself up (effectly this boils down to combing my hair into a 50s quiff and maybe even ironing the shirt i want to wear), i feel better about myself, more confident, and as a result im more attractive to girls as i have a sense of style (think 50s/rockabilly/ha-ha-ha-i-stole-all-the-cowboys-plaid-shirts). That little extra effort goes a long way

Pocketa

2008-11-19, 10:31 PM

Okay, new problem.

My ex is a roommate of my current. He's rude, abusive, controlling, so I blocked him on every site and service I have (AIM, Messenger, MySpace, dA, etc.) but the problem is this.

He won't let go.

When I went over, he was in boxers, my bf told him to get some clothes on, and he takes an hour long shower because the apartment has a big living room, a kitchen, and two separate rooms for two roomies each with a bathroom unit attached to each. He and my boyfriend share a room, unfortunately, although they're each better friends with their other roommates that are fine and totally out of this, and somebody should switch rooms because then each pair of friends would be complete. Nonetheless.

I always go over on Saturdays.

So what does my ex do?

He invites over a woman the same day. She stays ALL DAY!

I wasn't there that week due to a scheduling mix-up.

But!

It's the same woman

That I dumped him over.

Because he's poly but not really. He just wants to date whomever takes him and have them be faithful to him. He wants a harem. And we broke up because he went out with a 29 year old married woman that sleeps around with just about anyone and is a fetish model but not really because she only does glamour shots, nothing real or hardXcore. To put it lightly and not go into detail.

But neither he nor her have jobs, a life, etc. so he could have invited her any day. Saturday was no coincidence.

Also, last time I was there, he IM'd me so I'd get his messages at home. Creepy much? Because he was too scared to say it to my face in front of my boyfriend.

Jimorian

2008-11-19, 10:53 PM

Okay, new problem.

My ex is a roommate of my current. He's rude, abusive, controlling, so I blocked him on every site and service I have (AIM, Messenger, MySpace, dA, etc.) but the problem is this.

He won't let go.
{etc...}

I think you have to go that next step and block him out of any real life interactions. That means you don't go to your bf's place unless you know the ex is WAY out of town.

That means no group activities where there's any chance that ex may join in. That means you don't call over there if there's a general phone line that he might pick up.

It's not fair to you or your current that it has to be this way, but it's not fair to your relationship if you give this creep any chance of playing with your head, which he WILL do any time he gets the chance. Don't give it to him.

Your current BF also has to understand that he is NOT to talk about you or your relationship with the ex, that what you're doing together or where you're going is none of his damn business. As long as they have to live together, you have to apply a bulkhead between the new relationship and the old one that doesn't allow for the kind of head games that are going to sink what you have now.

If your current BF has problems doing any of this or respecting your need to avoid the guy, then I'm afraid there's a good chance that the creep has already won.

Sorry, but I don't think there's any easy way of putting it all. {{hugs}}}

GrandMasterMe

2008-11-19, 10:56 PM

Pyrian

2008-11-19, 11:18 PM

Pocketa, if the worst thing he's doing is inviting a woman over to his own place when you are there, why do you even care? When and whether he has over the woman you dumped him about is no longer any of your business. And how is he IM'ing you if you blocked him, anyway?

Don Julio Anejo

2008-11-19, 11:54 PM

Pocketa, he may have invited the woman over to piss you off, but technically he's not your boyfriend anymore. If he wants to sleep around, fine, it's his right. It shouldn't really bother you (unless you're not over him yet).

If he IS being a complete a-hole to you, IMO best thing to do would be just to avoid contact with him. Not coming over to his place might be a good start (even if a bit unfair to your boyfriend). Just don't ask your current boyfriend to NOT talk about you, it will piss him off.

GrandMasterMe, don't try to make it perfect. Spending time with each other and having fun is much more important than a perfect, romantic date with fireworks exploding over your heads when you kiss. Some guy actually wrote a story on here (probably in the last advice thread) about how HE went on HIS perfect date with a girl.... the restaurant was closed. The next one they went to was closed too... and the next... And they finally had pizza in a little pizza diner after walking around for 2.5 hours. And even though as a date, it was technically a total disaster, they had a lot of fun looking for a place to eat and ended up dating each other for a while. See my point?

On fashion: yes, some girls don't care at all about fashion. A lot, however, do. Majority (at least in my experience) do tend to care, if not about current fashion, then at least about you taking good care of yourself. If you choose not to, you may still get together with the girl of your dreams if she doesn't care about physical appearance. But you're also limiting your dating options quite a bit by ensuring that girls that do care about appearance won't give you a second glance.

Syka

2008-11-20, 12:31 AM

It's amusing how dating some desirable and devoted can make you paranoid. XD You know they won't do anything, but if you don't know the people of their preferred gender that they are hanging out with, you worry about said people. :smallsigh:

I'm getting better, at least. I really do trust him, and I even trust the girls he works with since they all know about me. I would just feel more comfortable if I met them (back story- he's been talking to one on myspace (I know this, I'm not worried) and I know people from his works, guys included, have been bowling on Monday's). I just hate the residual insecurity I have, which is from nothing he's done.

But at least I'm much better than I used to be. Thankfully, he's patient since he's been in my exact position before.

Cheers~

Felixaar

2008-11-20, 03:17 AM

*Syka-hug!* don't worry. It's very normal. It'd be more worrying, I think, if you didn't worry.

Pox well first you get the machine gun... oh wait. Seriously just forget about him and ignore him, avoid him as much as possible. It's all pointless and won't come to anything, and you're cleary not going to remain friends or anything like that. Stay strong.

GrandMasterMe, first of all, way to go! Good work. On firsts dates... alot of people will discourage you from the movies, but I personally reccomend it - though I can't speak much. Just remember not to go absolutely nuts on the first date lest you come on too strong or damage yourself. Just relax, be yourself, and have fun. Oh, and remember that the best parts of life are unplanned.

averagejoe

2008-11-20, 03:23 AM

I recently asked a girl out who I have known for years. We have both developed feelings for each other and she agreed. Now my problem is what should we do for our first date? I was thinking somewhere along the lines of taking her ice skating but I am not sure what to do after and i am stressed about making it perfect for her, what are your suggestions?

Don't stress and don't try to make it perfect. Trying too hard or expect too much; that can be as bad or worse than not trying enough. Honestly, whatever you pick should be fine, especially since you've known each other for so long.

Enough of that; now to focus on me. I really dislike talking about my problems, but this is, I think, important enough that I seek some objective advice from more experienced people. I'm pretty sure I've got a handle on this, but second opinions never hurt.

Okay. So I met this girl. Really amazing. I'll put it like this; I'm twenty two years old, and she's the only girl I've ever met who I've thought seriously about asking out. I don't really date casually, and though I have many female friends with whom I do stuff, I've never asked a girl out with romantic intentions. This isn't because I've been too afraid or whatever (well, not since my sophomore year of high school :smallwink:) but simply because I've lacked interest. (Though I have dated, I've just never been the one doing the asking. In the end it was just like, "Eh, this whole thing is kinda lame. I don't see what the fuss is about.")

So, suffice it to say, I like this girl, and she seems to like me okay. There were, however, two problems. 1) She lives in Florida, and I'm Californian. (I met her because she's spending this semester at my university for some reason. I was never quite clear on that.) 2) She had a boyfriend. Still I forged ahead. Though my feelings had been building up for awhile, it wasn't until a few weeks ago until I admitted to myself about how I felt, and after that I let her know how I feel. I made sure she knew that I knew that I can't really ask anything of her, but nonetheless want my feelings to be known; she was very flattered, and generally responded well. Great.

Then, about two weeks ago (has it only been two weeks? Must have been, because this was when we were studying for our midterm) I overheard that she had broken up with her boyfriend. (I say, overheard, but I was standing right in front of her. She was talking to someone else, though, but might have thought that I wasn't paying attention. It was clearly audible, though, with no extra effort on my part.) However, I also overheard that she was going to talk to him again in a few weeks (note: she's going home for thanksgiving).

Now I face a dilemma. On the one hand, I don't want to pressure her into anything. On the other hand, in about a month (when the semester ends) she's going to be moving across the country, so I want to make something of the time we have.

So what should I do now? I'm pretty sure I know what I should do now, but I've always been a believer in open discussion. I've successfully got a handle on my own feelings-I angsted about it for awhile, but then stopped when I remembered how great I am. I'm willing to do something really stupid for her (nothing in particular in mind, just my general attitude), but at the same time if it doesn't work out I'm glad to have met her, however much it might hurt.

Felixaar

2008-11-20, 03:43 AM

I've successfully got a handle on my own feelings-I angsted about it for awhile, but then stopped when I remembered how great I am.

Given this quote, Joe, I don't think you need any advice.

Do what you want to, and never give up :smallsmile:

Serpentine

2008-11-20, 06:35 AM

One possibility, soon or after this Thanksgiving thing you people go on about, is "Hey, just a reminder, those feelings I mentioned before haven't gone away, but if you don't wanna act on it, that's cool :smallsmile:" sort of a thing. Or you could just take it easy, go with it, see what happens *shrug*

averagejoe

2008-11-20, 12:11 PM

Given this quote, Joe, I don't think you need any advice.

Do what you want to, and never give up :smallsmile:

Thanks, it helps a lot to hear that. I actually am fairly pleased with how I've handled this so far (for the most part). Ruining things by brash overconfidence is more my style than ruining them by pining anyhow. :smallcool:

One possibility, soon or after this Thanksgiving thing you people go on about, is "Hey, just a reminder, those feelings I mentioned before haven't gone away, but if you don't wanna act on it, that's cool :smallsmile:" sort of a thing. Or you could just take it easy, go with it, see what happens *shrug*

Normally something like that is what I would do, but in this case there's an issue of time (she'll be moving back home in a few weeks because she's only spending the one semester here), so I'm not sure if I can simply take it easy and see what happens.

GoC

2008-11-20, 12:24 PM

Does someone flirting with you the second they meet you mean anything?
If so, what?

Dragonrider

2008-11-20, 12:40 PM

Does someone flirting with you the second they meet you mean anything?
If so, what?

That they like flirting with everyone. :smalltongue:

skywalker

2008-11-20, 01:35 PM

That they like flirting with everyone. :smalltongue:

Q-to-the-F-to-the-T.

Oh, you might also possibly be desirable to them, they probably don't flirt with everyone, just everyone they find attractive. At least, that's my experience with girls who supposedly "flirt with everyone." They don't flirt with the ugly guy with no social skills.

RabbitHoleLost

2008-11-20, 01:38 PM

Q-to-the-F-to-the-T.

Oh, you might also possibly be desirable to them, they probably don't flirt with everyone, just everyone they find attractive. At least, that's my experience with girls who supposedly "flirt with everyone." They don't flirt with the ugly guy with no social skills.
Not true!
I have so flirted with the social-skill-less guy who is not attractive to me.
Why?
Because I like watching people blush.

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-20, 01:40 PM

Not true!
I have so flirted with the social-skill-less guy who is not attractive to me.

Lies! You never flirted with me! :smalltongue:

skywalker

2008-11-20, 01:44 PM

Not true!
I have so flirted with the social-skill-less guy who is not attractive to me.
Why?
Because I like watching people blush.
Excuse me, my dear top-hatted one, perhaps I should've put more emphasis on my experience? I don't think a girl has ever flirted with me who didn't find me at least slightly attractive. Then again, perhaps some flirt with me and I don't know it. Who knows?

Lies! You never flirted with me! :smalltongue: Aren't you... married? That seems like a pretty good reason not to... I wouldn't, at least...

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-20, 01:45 PM

Aren't you... married? That seems like a pretty good reason not to... I wouldn't, at least...

And that, kind sir, is why said comment would be considered a joke...:smalltongue:

RabbitHoleLost

2008-11-20, 02:01 PM

Lies! You never flirted with me! :smalltongue:

>>
<<
But I HAVE shipped you with Mordokai.
And fangirly squee'd.
And that's the highest praise available from me :smalltongue:

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-20, 02:03 PM

>>
<<
But I HAVE shipped you with Mordokai.
And fangirly squee'd.
And that's the highest praise available from me :smalltongue:

...I suppose...

...I'll let it pass...this time :smalltongue:

Player_Zero

2008-11-20, 02:15 PM

Not true!
I have so flirted with the social-skill-less guy who is not attractive to me.
Why?
Because I like watching people blush.

Wouldn't that be considered a mean thing to do?

RabbitHoleLost

2008-11-20, 02:17 PM

Wouldn't that be considered a mean thing to do?

Is it?
I think people are at their most beautiful when they're blushing. It just so happens that people who haven't been flirted with because of their lack of social skills happen to blush the easiest.
I'd never really thought of it as immoral...

Coidzor

2008-11-20, 02:18 PM

Is it?
I think people are at their most beautiful when they're blushing. It just so happens that people who haven't been flirted with because of their lack of social skills happen to blush the easiest.
I'd never really thought of it as immoral...

It probably is a form of victimization...Maybe with a side of objectification?

Player_Zero

2008-11-20, 02:22 PM

Is it?
I think people are at their most beautiful when they're blushing. It just so happens that people who haven't been flirted with because of their lack of social skills happen to blush the easiest.
I'd never really thought of it as immoral...

And if their feelings get hurt in the process? Can you really say it wouldn't be your fault? Inadvertent and unintentional perhaps, but someone such as that is much more likely to get the wrong idea.

The phrase 'toying with emotions' comes to mind. No offence. I just don't think it's a very smart thing to do.

RabbitHoleLost

2008-11-20, 02:58 PM

Coidzor

2008-11-20, 03:09 PM

Well, flirting doesn't necessarily denote want of relationship. And, if we're assuming either of the parties know anything about the other, the other party would know I'm a wild flirt.
...I'm just flailing around here trying to justify it, perhaps, but random flirting with someone once isn't really grounds for playing with someone's emotions, or for claiming it to be victimization.

Well, yeah, flirting in and of itself isn't necessarily such things. You just provided an unpleasant context that caused the audience to be reminded of tropes of mean-spirited intent. and such. and sundry.

RabbitHoleLost

2008-11-20, 03:10 PM

Well, yeah, flirting in and of itself isn't necessarily such things. You just provided an unpleasant context that caused the audience to be reminded of tropes of mean-spirited intent. and such. and sundry.

Oh, gawds, I thought, atleast, this thread would be safe from mention of Tropes.
I'm about to drop off the internet because of that fricken' thing >.<

Don Julio Anejo

2008-11-20, 03:12 PM

And if their feelings get hurt in the process? Can you really say it wouldn't be your fault? Inadvertent and unintentional perhaps, but someone such as that is much more likely to get the wrong idea.

The phrase 'toying with emotions' comes to mind. No offence. I just don't think it's a very smart thing to do.
Lol. Dude, if you're a nerd with no social skills and there's this cute girl hitting on you, it will do wonders for your self-esteem, even if she doesn't want to pursue a romantic relationship with walks on the beach with you.

Which is quite the opposite of what you're describing.

PS: flirting with random people is fun. Period. There's nothing to it beyond that... except watching nerdy bookish-looking girls blush and choke on words.

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-20, 03:17 PM

Oh, gawds, I thought, atleast, this thread would be safe from mention of Tropes.
I'm about to drop off the internet because of that fricken' thing >.<

The urge to post a link to TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life is almost overwhelming...

I think the point to be had is that there is a real disconnect between how much significance people attach to flirting. To some folks like myself and RHL, it's no real big deal, but to others it means a bit more, and that disconnect can cause problems.

Coidzor

2008-11-20, 03:29 PM

The urge to post a link to TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life is almost overwhelming...

I think the point to be had is that there is a real disconnect between how much significance people attach to flirting. To some folks like myself and RHL, it's no real big deal, but to others it means a bit more, and that disconnect can cause problems.

Even worse when one thinks one is just being friendly and then things take a turn for the weird and everyone's accusing you of flirting as if that were a sin or something. Then you start to wonder whether you've stumbled into the twilight zone or something. Jocularity is a knife's edge to balance upon or something. or something.

I was just saying there's something in the collective unconsciousness about cute girls maliciously teasing introverted losers. Sorry to bring up tropes at all. It was just a little bit of ribbing, right? Not too vicious?

Pyrian

2008-11-20, 03:30 PM

Yes, such disconnects can cause problems, BUT... Which cure is appropriate? Should flirts hold back on the mere possibility that some people don't understand that things which are inherently not serious aren't serious? I'm going to have to say that the cost to the world is much higher in that scenario. :smallcool:

RabbitHoleLost

2008-11-20, 03:31 PM

The urge to post a link to TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life is almost overwhelming...

I think the point to be had is that there is a real disconnect between how much significance people attach to flirting. To some folks like myself and RHL, it's no real big deal, but to others it means a bit more, and that disconnect can cause problems.

You're pushing it, old man. My fangirliness will only go so far...

I suppose that's another way to look at it, though. To me, flirting has always just been a way of interacting, meaning very little except that I consider someone else a friend.
I'd never really thought of it meaning anything more...

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-20, 03:37 PM

You're pushing it, old man. My fangirliness will only go so far...

Don't tempt me, young-un...

I suppose that's another way to look at it, though. To me, flirting has always just been a way of interacting, meaning very little except that I consider someone else a friend.
I'd never really thought of it meaning anything more...

It's a catch-22, I suppose.

skywalker

2008-11-20, 03:37 PM

Oh, gawds, I thought, atleast, this thread would be safe from mention of Tropes.
I'm about to drop off the internet because of that fricken' thing >.<

Not Tropes (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HomePage)(warning, that's a link to TV Tropes), tropes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trope_(literature)): "a common pattern, theme or motif..."

Wikipedia specifies in literature, but that is not necessarily the case.

I wish Tropes wasn't a bad word. And here I thought that in a forum with a politics ban, I couldn't get caught up in big-letter vs. small-letter discussion:smallwink:

Coidzor

2008-11-20, 03:38 PM

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-20, 03:41 PM

Hmm... Isn't the general consensus that after a certain level/point flirtation becomes the precursor stage of general seduction/wooing?

That's what it seems to mean to people around these parts, so what have you.

Generally yes, the problem is that there doesn't appear to be a general consensus about where that line is.

Pocketa

2008-11-21, 01:08 AM

Ex is gone for at least the quarter, getting replaced, drama is quelled. He might be moving out permanently. He has a history of this: going to a college for a few weeks, leaving, hanging out with friends or family, rinse and repeat.

On the woman, it was more of that it was a pathetic move on his part. When we were going out, he'd pull the "oh, I know this hot woman" card (same woman that he is now obsessing about) and it got old fast, but he didn't let go of it. He'd also always talk about her and it was weird and obsessive. Also, creepy: I never gave him my messenger ID but he got it anyways. And was IMing me on that when I was at his place, then I blocked him on messenger. I had already blocked him on AIM.

Anyways. He's out of the picture now. We didn't even go out for that long (one or two weeks) and I've been with my current for over a month now, so it was a little creepy possessive obsessive for a while before I just told him straight out I had no feelings for him, etc. Cut the cord, in a manner of speaking.

Boyfriend and I only see each other once or twice a month.

Not really a woe.

More of a nuisance.

We're both fine with it, it's how it has to be for now, but eh. Eventually we'll be closer. Hopefully.

ON FLIRTING AND LINES:

The line between flirting and seduction, at least for me, is that flirtation is lighter and less serious, seduction is the active pursual. Also, I think it's okay to flirt with as many people as you want, but to only seduce one at a time. It's more of a committed flirtation maybe?

Felixaar

2008-11-21, 02:27 AM

Heh. I'm a terrible flirt, since I can't even tell when I'm doing it.

Don't worry about flirting too much though, RHL. If people misunderstand you and can be depressed by your effervescent nature, thats their problem.

For the matter, GoC, as the lovely Dragonrider said, it most likely means that they just like to flirt. However if they seem to be flirting very enthusiastically there's a chance that they decided they like you and took action on that very quickly. If you're interested, you might try stepping it up and see how they respond.

Lyesmith

2008-11-21, 02:43 AM

One of my good freinds will flirt with more or less anything, and anyone. The smart money put on her being Aesexual, though, because she herself admit she'd never go through with it.

Midnight Son

2008-11-21, 03:42 AM

For the matter, GoC, as the lovely Dragonrider said, it most likely means that they just like to flirt. However if they seem to be flirting very enthusiastically there's a chance that they decided they like you and took action on that very quickly. If you're interested, you might try stepping it up and see how they respond.Unless you live in Utah, where outrageous flirting is the womans way of "just being friendly", but if they like you you can't tell, cause they expect you to make the first move, and thus, ignore you completely till said move. Its a wonder anyone here ever gets married.

RHL, I used to be that guy(way back in high school), the shy, introverted guy that blushed easily. I know...Me blush? Yes, me. As such, I can tell you that how it is percieved is completely dependant on what you do shortly after said flirtation. I shall give you two examples, the first one is the good way.

We were waiting to enter an assembly and she walked up to me and asked me to hold out my hand. I did so and she played with my fingers for a few moments, then said, "Finger Effing*", looked into my eyes, gave me a smile, and walked away. That made my day.

Second example; I was at a church activity and a girl walked up and began making moves on me, talking sexy and all that. I don't remember the exact conversation, but the important part is that, after she got me to blush, she walked away and started laughing with her friends(I know, cliché). That ruined the rest of activity for me.

We may be intorverts(well, if you know me, you know that's not true any more), but we aren't stupid. We can tell when we're being made fun of and when someone genuinely enjoys interacting with us.

*She used the actual word, but I won't type it here.

Felixaar

2008-11-21, 04:31 AM

Ah, Utah. I'm not surprised :smalltongue:

I cant help but picture Azira's friend happily flirting with a rock.

Don Julio Anejo

2008-11-21, 05:54 AM

Feels nice for a change to not be the only one who will hit on anything that has a pulse... Actually, scratch that last part out. My friend has a picture of my hugging a statue very suggestively...

Ninja Chocobo

2008-11-21, 07:59 AM

Not true!
I have so flirted with the social-skill-less guy who is not attractive to me.
Why?
Because I like watching people blush.

Speaking as one of these people I am bound to loathe your being as deep as loathing will go.
*loatheloathe*
....
Even after the discussion.

Lol. Dude, if you're a nerd with no social skills and there's this cute girl hitting on you, it will do wonders for your self-esteem, even if she doesn't want to pursue a romantic relationship with walks on the beach with you.

Sir, I disagree with you and suggest you change your opinion to reflect this.

Krytha

2008-11-21, 09:25 AM

Man flirting has so many shapes and forms that someone should start cataloging these finds. With the right people, flirting can be fun. But watching people desperate to get some from anywhere or anything flirt can be rather... annoying...

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 09:43 AM

Sir, I disagree with you and suggest you change your opinion to reflect this.

I also disagree. And I could out-nerd any of you any day of the week.

xPANCAKEx

2008-11-21, 11:47 AM

I flirt for the fun of it... but theres a difference (in my books at least) between flirting and making advances on someone. Flirtings good for a laugh. But i have a filthy mouth too so i generally get a bit more leeway afforded than most of my friends, as they've all come to expect it.

Its also in part a rejection of my woefully shy teenage years - i've finally 'come out of my shell' a bit

Dragonrider

2008-11-21, 11:58 AM

When I flirt, it's not intentional. Usually. :smalltongue:

Castaras

2008-11-21, 12:13 PM

When I flirt, it's not intentional. Usually. :smalltongue:

Likewise, only get rid of the usually.

averagejoe

2008-11-21, 12:38 PM

Alright, so I was in math class today, and, as it turns out, the girl I mentioned (bottom o' page three) wants to stay for another semester. So, yeah, good news for me. I now have everything in hand.

Gosh that Providence is a classy lady. I'll have to take her out for drinks sometime.

Syka

2008-11-21, 12:44 PM

RE: Flirting. I don't see a problem flirting with someone you have no intention of persuing anything futher with ON THE CONDITION THAT it's not someone you know/see/etc. If it's a random person, go for it! If it's a friend, that's mean. There is a difference between flirting and leading on, in my opinion.

And I hate when people think I'm flirting. :smallsigh: I'm friendly, I talk to people. And I get excited when I talk to people. That's just how I am. It's not flirting. I flirt very, very badly and I can never pick up on it if someone is flirting with me. The last guy I dated, I realized 3 MONTHS after he started flirting with me that that is what he'd been doing...only AFTER he asked me out. >>

In Woes, I'm missing the boyfriend something terrible. I got home for 5 days next week, though, so that's good, and in 4 weeks I'll be home for the foreseeable future. This next four weeks are going to be a living torture knowing I'm so close, but not quiet close enough. :smallsigh:

RE: the previously mentioned girl he's been talking to. I mentioned in passing that I tend to get a little jealous if I don't know the person, and he offered to not talk to her until after I can meet her. I appreciated the gesture, but he knows me well enough to know I'd never ask him to do that. It was nice of him to say, though.

Cheers~

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 12:47 PM

averagejoe

2008-11-21, 01:16 PM

And I hate when people think I'm flirting. :smallsigh: I'm friendly, I talk to people. And I get excited when I talk to people. That's just how I am. It's not flirting. I flirt very, very badly and I can never pick up on it if someone is flirting with me. The last guy I dated, I realized 3 MONTHS after he started flirting with me that that is what he'd been doing...only AFTER he asked me out. >>

Heh, I do the same thing. Both of those same things. It's always a little work to convince my friends, "No, I'm not flirting with that girl, I just find her conversation to be enjoyable. I never pick up on it either. More than a couple times it's been three days later, and suddenly I realize, "Hey, she was flirting with me, wasn't she?"

In Woes, I'm missing the boyfriend something terrible. I got home for 5 days next week, though, so that's good, and in 4 weeks I'll be home for the foreseeable future. This next four weeks are going to be a living torture knowing I'm so close, but not quiet close enough. :smallsigh:

RE: the previously mentioned girl he's been talking to. I mentioned in passing that I tend to get a little jealous if I don't know the person, and he offered to not talk to her until after I can meet her. I appreciated the gesture, but he knows me well enough to know I'd never ask him to do that. It was nice of him to say, though.

Cheers~

I have an IRL friend who's going through something similar right now. Not much to say except good luck.

Syka

2008-11-21, 01:22 PM

I'm really not worried about the girl. I know him, and therefore trust him. He was telling her the other night about if she ever needs any sort of relationship advice that I'm her girl. *snicker* So, I'm really not worried about it, I'm just generally more comfortable if I've met the person because then I can gauge them. I'm pretty good about gauging how people are if it isn't a dyadic interaction. Basically, I can tell what's going on between other people but between me and another person, I'm generally crap at it. >> I'm also decently good at figuring out whether people have intentions on someone or not, both with an SO of my own or with another person.

It's mostly the fact that the end of the long distance part of our LDR is so close. 28 more days and I'm going to be in a 'real' relationship, finally. :smallbiggrin: Nerve wracking, to say the least.

Cheers~

Dallas-Dakota

2008-11-21, 01:27 PM

skywalker

2008-11-21, 01:43 PM

It's mostly the fact that the end of the long distance part of our LDR is so close. 28 more days and I'm going to be in a 'real' relationship, finally. :smallbiggrin: Nerve wracking, to say the least.

Cheers~

Aw, cheers for Syka! Who is so close! Or are you a bit nervous about not being long distance after so long?

d-d, dude, that's kinda harsh. Your friend is probably in a rough place too, tho. I'm sure most people could think of at least one thing... I'd be worried about your friend... As well as you, of course.

*hugs for everybody*

averagejoe

2008-11-21, 01:53 PM

Afraid I'l never meet a girl who'l like me for who I am, in that way, not friends.

And a bit more depression thread like thing but I don't want to make two reaaally short posts : I asked a friend this morning why I shouldn't commit suicide, and he couldn't give me any reasons, so yeah.:smallfrown:(Don't worry, I'm not comitting suicide, just going on with frustrating fate who's trying to kill me indirectly)

No offense to your friend (okay, maybe a little) but if he can't think up any reason then he must be kinda stupid, or just not trying.

Also, there's, like, a million bajillion girls out there. You'll find one who likes you okay. Just don't stress about it; finding a girl isn't the be all and end all of life. I've found that being comfortable alone is actually a very good first step as far as relationships go.

RabbitHoleLost

2008-11-21, 02:39 PM

Speaking as one of these people I am bound to loathe your being as deep as loathing will go.
*loatheloathe*
....
Even after the discussion.

Then you can do so.
If you misconstrue my flirting, I'm sorry to say, that's your fault.

Thanatos 51-50

2008-11-21, 02:44 PM

I must back our dear Rabbit up, here. Getting people to blush like maniacs or smile usually moves them up a couple grades on the 'cute' scale.

Considering I deault to flirting when faced with a social situation, I can see no fault in flirting with homely individuals, either. It brightens someone's day and makes them feel special, if only for a few fleeting moments.
Which is the same reason I call all females "Babe", "Darling" (Excuse me, I pronouce it "Dahlin'") and such all the time. Its a little sprinkle of making them feel special.
(I also call most males "Brothah" in my one of the wierd bits of Bostonian I haven't gotten out of my system).

averagejoe

2008-11-21, 02:47 PM

Which is the same reason I call all females "Babe", "Darling" (Excuse me, I pronouce it "Dahlin'") and such all the time. Its a little sprinkle of making them feel special.

:smallconfused:

Thanatos 51-50

2008-11-21, 02:55 PM

Yeah...

Thanks for pointing out how unbelievably scatterbrained that last post of mine was.

I call females "Babe", "Dahlin'", et. cetera all the time. I don't deliver it in a creepy way, or hang all over them. I hand them a compliment. At worst, you're going to recieve an indignant "Don't objectify me by calling me 'babe'," at which point you commonly explain that its a standard pronoun that you use, and if it bothers her - ask what would she prefer to be adressed as.
At best, you don't go home alone at the end of the night :smallwink:.

At mode, what you get is someone who smiles when you speak to them, and it seems, feels a little better about themselves at the end of the day. Its like the whole "Smile at somebody - even such a little act of kindness is contagious" theory.

Thanatos - Trying to make the world a better place, one "sweet little nothing" at a time.

averagejoe

2008-11-21, 02:58 PM

Yeah...

Thanks for pointing out how unbelievably scatterbrained that last post of mine was.

Heh, not my intention, I just like pointing out seeming contradictions. I guess it worked out well, though.

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 03:46 PM

Then you can do so.
If you misconstrue my flirting, I'm sorry to say, that's your fault.

o rly?

Not comprehending your intent from an action that is at times entirely incomprehensible?

In the hypothetical situation wherein things do turn out wrong, you wouldn't assume even an ounce of responsibility?

mangosta71

2008-11-21, 03:55 PM

xPANCAKEx

2008-11-21, 04:22 PM

Syka

2008-11-21, 07:14 PM

Dallas, we'd miss you. Or, I know I would. That's a reason, right there. :smallfrown:

You are still young, and you will find someone for you eventually. You just have to learn to be happy with who you are on your own.

skywalker, mostly because I'm all sort of twitchy. I'm not nervous about the real relationship part- we were together 2 months over the summer, no problem. It's mostly the "Why can't it come sooner part!"

And it's a little bit of paranoia since around this same time over year 2 years ago (it was the beginning of November, though), 2 months before THAT LDR was going to become a 'real' relationship, I got told he couldn't do it anymore, that it had been dead since the last time he'd seen me, that he loved someone else...and oh, that he cheated on me. :smallannoyed: Needless to say, the deja vu I'm currently experiencing sucks, because Oz is no where near like my ex.

I appreciate Oz putting up with my completely unfounded worries.

Cheers~

Felixaar

2008-11-21, 08:19 PM

Afraid I'l never meet a girl who'l like me for who I am, in that way, not friends.

And a bit more depression thread like thing but I don't want to make two reaaally short posts : I asked a friend this morning why I shouldn't commit suicide, and he couldn't give me any reasons, so yeah.:smallfrown:(Don't worry, I'm not comitting suicide, just going on with frustrating fate who's trying to kill me indirectly)

Reason One: I will be pissed. So don't even think about it pal, or I will fly over to dutchland and animate your corpse. Though i might do that just for fun anyway...

Don't give up, man. Things will get better, eventually.

And besides, females, pfeh. Who needs em?

Syka *hugs* hang in there, foxy.

Pyrian

2008-11-21, 08:33 PM

And besides, females, pfeh. Who needs em?:raises hand: :smallredface:

averagejoe

2008-11-21, 08:33 PM

And besides, females, pfeh. Who needs em?

That's the spirit! Nothin' but trouble, them. Better off without 'em.*

*May not apply to people trying to reproduce, gay men who want to appear straight, straight men who want to appear straight, portrait artists, fetuses, or ballroom dancers.

Gray Jester

2008-11-21, 08:35 PM

Afraid I'l never meet a girl who'l like me for who I am, in that way, not friends.

And with that kind of attitude, you won't! You have to think positively. You -will- meet a girl who will like you for who you are. You just need to meet more girls, that's all. Also, you can always use my old tried and true reassurance: Any girl who isn't into you is either a lesbian or has bad taste in guys. Because you are the -best- thing around, and the coolest thing since *insert really cool thing*. (For me? The coolest thing since public-private key encryption, which is -pretty- cool, and more recent then Elvis, so I don't have to compete with him or the Beatles for cool) I mean, duh, otherwise they'd be into you. And you don't want to waste time chasing after girls with bad taste, amirite?

(Only somewhat serious, nobody kill me. It does boost your ego, though. :smalleek:)

And a bit more depression thread like thing but I don't want to make two reaaally short posts : I asked a friend this morning why I shouldn't commit suicide, and he couldn't give me any reasons, so yeah.:smallfrown:(Don't worry, I'm not comitting suicide, just going on with frustrating fate who's trying to kill me indirectly)

Well, we'd miss you, and it's a bad idea. Trust me. I've been down that path, suicide is obviously not the way to get back at a world that's trying to kill you. The solution is to stare fate in the eyes, and tell it that it can go away, and that you will get past whatever it will throw at you, because you're a sexy god of war.

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-21, 09:01 PM

That's the spirit! Nothin' but trouble, them. Better off without 'em.*

*May not apply to people trying to reproduce, gay men who want to appear straight, straight men who want to appear straight, portrait artists, fetuses, or ballroom dancers.

No kidding!

*turns around*

Oh hi honey!

...crap...

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 09:06 PM

You must be new here. :smalltongue:

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y275/robertnmike/Pure%20Pwnage/NO_U.jpg

Felixaar

2008-11-21, 09:07 PM

No kidding!

*turns around*

Oh hi honey!

...crap...

*snort*

What I meant is that you can live without the female gender as a whole, but, assuming you're a heterosexual male, there will be one female you can't live without.

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 09:09 PM

*snort*

What I meant is that you can live without the female gender as a whole, but, assuming you're a heterosexual male, there will be one female you can't live without.

What about if you're a polygamist?

Felixaar

2008-11-21, 09:11 PM

I'm going to suggest we don't get into that discussion :smallsmile:

averagejoe

2008-11-21, 09:11 PM

*snort*

What I meant is that you can live without the female gender as a whole, but, assuming you're a heterosexual male, there will be one female you can't live without.

Untrue. People who claim this just aren't very good at love. (For the most part. I do hate to generalize, but I find this is usually true.)

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 09:14 PM

I'm going to suggest we don't get into that discussion :smallsmile:

Hey, it's my nitpick, I can lead it where I like. Besides, it's a perfectly valid nitpick.

Untrue. People who claim this just aren't very good at love. (For the most part. I do hate to generalize, but I find this is usually true.)

This is an implied insult.

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-21, 09:14 PM

*snort*

What I meant is that you can live without the female gender as a whole, but, assuming you're a heterosexual male, there will be one female you can't live without.

...more like one female that somehow avoids making me want to kill her on sight...

...I'm such a romantic :smalltongue:

averagejoe

2008-11-21, 09:19 PM

This is an implied insult.

Really? I didn't mean it to be. How so? (Seriously, I am honestly surprised by this.)

...more like one female that somehow avoids making me want to kill her on sight...

...I'm such a romantic :smalltongue:

:smallbiggrin: You and me both. I wouldn't put it quite like that, but I understand the general sentiment.

Syka

2008-11-21, 09:20 PM

Untrue. People who claim this just aren't very good at love. (For the most part. I do hate to generalize, but I find this is usually true.)

I'm going to agree that it's untrue, but disagree that the people who believe it aren't good at love. I've found they just tend to be hopeless romantics. :)

Me, I'm a realistic hopeless romantic. I could live without Oz, I mean- I did it for 20 years. I just would really prefer to not live without him because he makes my life that much better. :)

Cheers~

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-21, 09:22 PM

Love isn't finding who you cannot live without, it's about finding who you can live with.

...I'm sure someone else said that, I just can't think of their name...

Felixaar

2008-11-21, 09:24 PM

Okay, all good points. But I am a hopeless romantic, but I phrased that one pretty badly, especially since love isn't really about acquisition of the other person, but rather wanting that other person to be happy, regardless of how you feel.

Well, maybe.

averagejoe

2008-11-21, 09:25 PM

I'm going to agree that it's untrue, but disagree that the people who believe it aren't good at love. I've found they just tend to be hopeless romantics. :)

I thought that's what I said. :smalltongue:

Me, I'm a realistic hopeless romantic. I could live without Oz, I mean- I did it for 20 years. I just would really prefer to not live without him because he makes my life that much better. :)

Cheers~

Well, yes, then this isn't a valid counterexample. In fact, it's a perfectly healthy attitude.

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 09:29 PM

Me, I'm a realistic hopeless romantic. I could live without Oz, I mean- I did it for 20 years. I just would really prefer to not live without him because he makes my life that much better. :)

You live with the great and powerful Oz?!

...Can you ask him to give me a heart? And some courage? ...And a brain?

But I am a hopeless romantic.

...I'm such a romantic

You and me both.

Is anyone here NOT a romantic? :smallamused:

'Cept me naturally, but I'm not a person, so I don't count, see.

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-21, 09:35 PM

Is anyone here NOT a romantic? :smallamused:

Well, considering my statement was with tongue firmly in cheek...:smalltongue:

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 09:37 PM

Well, considering my statement was with tongue firmly in cheek...:smalltongue:

CONTEXT?! I'll have none of your demonic ways!

Disclaimer: Everything he says is either a lie, a joke or intended to confuse you.

Syka

2008-11-21, 09:37 PM

You live with the great and powerful Oz?!

...Can you ask him to give me a heart? And some courage? ...And a brain?

So many jokes I could make...:smalltongue:

No, don't actually live WITH. In 27 days I'll live NEAR him, though. :smallwink: He got the nickname because he shares a name with a mutual friend that I knew before him. So my friend became "Syka's Zach" and he became "Other Zach" by my sister. Other Zach was shortened to Oz. The name as stuck, even though I'm dating him and not our mutual friend. *snicker*

Cheers~

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 09:39 PM

So many jokes I could make...:smalltongue:

Maaaake them. Make them!

Do it! Do eet!

It's for the good of the playground! They must be amused!

Gray Jester

2008-11-21, 09:39 PM

You live with the great and powerful Oz?!

...Can you ask him to give me a heart? And some courage? ...And a brain?

Well, I could do with a heart, and maybe some of that courage, and more brains never hurt anybody. If you get his number, could you pass it on?

Is anyone here NOT a romantic? :smallamused:

'Cept me naturally, but I'm not a person, so I don't count, see.

I'm not! I'm very pragmatic about relationships. Also, I count, because of the following proof:
1. Jester is not romantic.
2. Anyone who is not romantic is a horrible person (axiom put forth by numerous females and males I know)
3. Therefore, Jester is a horrible person.
4. Therefore, Jester is a person.
5. Therefore, Jester counts.

Q.E.D.

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-21, 09:39 PM

Disclaimer: Everything he says is either a lie, a joke or intended to confuse you.

Even that? :smalltongue:

And we all know that behind the great and powerful Oz there was the greater and more powerful Oz's wife...she just never got any screentime :smallwink:

Syka

2008-11-21, 09:40 PM

Maaaake them. Make them!

Do it! Do eet!

It's for the good of the playground! They must be amused!

Except I'd probably get infractions. >> They were jokes not meant for mixed company. :smallwink:

Cheers,
Syka

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 09:44 PM

[Axiomatic approach to relationship geometry.]

The axiomatic method here is flawed. I would debate the completeness of your system.

Modus ponendo ponen it up a bit! Affirm the antecedent! Kick it up a knotch! Bam!

Even that? :smalltongue:
Yes. It was a lie. But then this may be a lie... But then, it seems more like an attempt at confusion though, doesn't it? But then, wouldn't the initial statement be true?

skywalker

2008-11-21, 09:44 PM

And it's a little bit of paranoia since around this same time over year 2 years ago (it was the beginning of November, though), 2 months before THAT LDR was going to become a 'real' relationship, I got told he couldn't do it anymore, that it had been dead since the last time he'd seen me, that he loved someone else...and oh, that he cheated on me. :smallannoyed: Needless to say, the deja vu I'm currently experiencing sucks, because Oz is no where near like my ex.

I appreciate Oz putting up with my completely unfounded worries.

Ah Ha!

I thought there was something. Carry on, carry on. Just wanted to feel important for a bit...

Is anyone here NOT a romantic? :smallamused
I actually took a survey yesterday, and one question was "how romantic have you been today?" I gave myself a 1 out of 7... :smallfrown:

And we all know that behind the great and powerful Oz there was the greater and more powerful Oz's wife...she just never got any screentime :smallwink:

Do you want to speak to the man in charge, or to the woman who knows what's going on?

averagejoe

2008-11-21, 09:50 PM

2. Anyone who is not romantic is a horrible person (axiom put forth by numerous females and males I know)

Really? That's silly. The people you know are silly.

Modus ponendo ponen it up a bit! Affirm the antecedent! Kick it up a knotch! Bam!

I like the cut of your jib.

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 09:51 PM

I like the cut of your jib.

What's a jib?
[Simpsons. Yes.]

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-21, 09:52 PM

Really? That's silly. The people you know are silly.

I couldn't agree more. There's nothing wrong with being pragmatic and realistic about love and relationships. In some ways it's actually preferable.

Player_Zero

2008-11-21, 09:53 PM

I couldn't agree more. There's nothing wrong with being pragmatic and realistic about love and relationships. In some ways it's actually preferable.

Because dealing in absolutes is stupid... Every time.

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-21, 09:56 PM

Because dealing in absolutes is stupid... Every time.

yes, every time :smalltongue:

Syka

2008-11-21, 09:58 PM

Actually, there are studies that show having a little bit of romanticism is good. Too much either way is bad, but without some romantic notions, you won't be able to maintain relationship satisfaction, generally. But too much and you'll be disappointed.

skywalker, yeah...I'm glad I figured it out at least. :) He's good because he knows my paranoia's aren't because of him (and they really aren't).

I totally will be demanding screen time...or at least credits. :smallwink: And it is an apt comparison as he plans on being a filmmaker and wants to work on scripts with me. You bet your bottom, I'm getting recognition for that.

Cheers~

Gray Jester

2008-11-21, 09:58 PM

I couldn't agree more. There's nothing wrong with being pragmatic and realistic about love and relationships. In some ways it's actually preferable.

Not if you're a hopeless romantic! :smallamused:

Okay. Also, I kind of might have a problem. Friends-who-are-girls who I'm not into are acting attracted to me. And no matter how sexy being into me is (Because, it's a shared interest! I'm into me, too!), I consider these people friends, and they're pretty far in my friend-zone. Basically, not dating options. My problem is this: Last time I told someone that I wasn't into them, I kind of botched it and I'm still getting given nonsense about it months later (even though all parties are on mutually friendly terms). So I'm trying to figure out how to do it if necessary without (a) basically giving them false hope, and (b) being a jerkpants. In other words, I need advice on how to be firm but not too firm.

Cristo Meyers

2008-11-21, 10:02 PM

averagejoe

2008-11-21, 10:02 PM

What's a jib?
[Simpsons. Yes.]

Nopers. At least, not that I remember. Though the Terran science vessel says this if you click on him enough times.

A jib (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jib) is the frontmost sail on a sailing ship. This phrase is, however, an idiom meaning basically, "I like your style."

yes, every time :smalltongue:

I agree. Every time. [/is not being completely ironic]

Ninja Chocobo

2008-11-21, 10:08 PM

Then you can do so.
If you misconstrue my flirting, I'm sorry to say, that's your fault.

The remark was made, largely, in jest. Now, I am entirely serious about it.
RabbitHoleLost, I hate you.
Not hate, like I hate people who draw better than me, but rather hate, like I hate English as a subject past year 8. People who know me know that this is a lot of hate, but for those who don't... Nethack, I Wanna Be The Guy, Kaizo Mario World and similar Mario romhacks are known for the fact they hate you and want you dead. While I cannot claim to hate you quite as much as these games, rest assured it is on a far more personal level.
In short, I hate you.

Felixaar

2008-11-21, 10:43 PM

Is anyone here NOT a romantic? :smallamused:

Well, we are the RWA thread... it's kind of to be expected.

And everyones a little romantic.

skywalker

2008-11-21, 11:23 PM

The remark was made, largely, in jest. Now, I am entirely serious about it.
RabbitHoleLost, I hate you.
Not hate, like I hate people who draw better than me, but rather hate, like I hate English as a subject past year 8. People who know me know that this is a lot of hate, but for those who don't... Nethack, I Wanna Be The Guy, Kaizo Mario World and similar Mario romhacks are known for the fact they hate you and want you dead. While I cannot claim to hate you quite as much as these games, rest assured it is on a far more personal level.
In short, I hate you.

Whoa there hoss.

Let's all play nice, so Syka can keep her thread, please? I like this thread too. I don't know why I stopped reading. :smallconfused:

Syka

2008-11-21, 11:34 PM

Yes please, any major disagreements take to PM's. This thread, in it's many incarnations, has only had to be scrubbed twice that I know of, which isn't a horribly track record given the subject matter at hand.

But I'd like to keep this thread around. If it gets perma-locked, I can't recreate it and I know people have found it useful.

Cheers,
Syka

xPANCAKEx

2008-11-21, 11:48 PM

some people have some serious anger issues... maybe we could have a thread for that too so as not to sully this one

Is anyone here NOT a romantic?

im definately not a romantic. I don't believe theirs that "one special person" out there. I avoid intentional romance wherever possible as i hate the lack of sponinaity. But i have been accused of doing romantic deeds in the past with things like gift bying... its totally misunderstood on their part. I just listen a lot, remember little things, and use such knowledge to buy them **** they might actually enjoy instead of wasting my money on rubbish they'll lose interest in in a few weeks

Tarnag40k

2008-11-22, 12:12 AM

haha I found out who my "doppleganger" was. Basically another guy on the tib forums. He messaged me last night. i've edited the user names out and several pieces of others personal information.

XXXXX(9:42:52): Hey
Fallen Aquila(9:43:05): Hey
Fallen Aquila(9:43:18): Who is this?
XXXXX(9:43:29): ------ from Newtib.
Fallen Aquila(9:43:35): What's up?
XXXXX(9:44:23:): I saw your post about the stalker thing on newtib. Your Ex lives in NH correct?
Fallen Aquila(9:44:28): Yup
XXXXX(9:44:38):------,nh?
Fallen Aquila(9:44:40): Yeah why?
XXXXX(9:44:52): LOL, I think that's me.
XXXXX(9:45:29): I pass by the highschool everyday around 12ish on my way to work, My tib's Carbonblue like your's cept Ive gt Enkei GTC01 rims. Very similiar from a distance and my plate is lower on the side.
XXXXX(9:45:34):http://www.tirerack.com/wheels/WheelCloseUpServlet?target=wheelCloseUp&wheelMake=Enkei+Racing&wheelModel=GTC01&wheelFinish=Hyper+Black
XXXXX(9:45:43) Hope I didn't get ya in trouble mang.
Fallen Aquila(9:45:53): Just don't get a CF hood and I'll be alright. K?
XXXXX(9:46:02):I'll just try to acoid the school.

haha he's got the same facelift as me, his plate hangs next to the left side fog light where mine is above on the actual bumper, and his rims are very similiar.

His:
http://www.tirerack.com/images/wheels/enkei_racing/swap/enkei_gtc01_hyperblk_ci3_l.jpg
Mine:
http://www.tirerackespanol.com/images/wheels/oz/swap/oz_superleggera_ci3_l.jpg

I'm wondering if I should even bother trying to explain to her....nnaaaahhh I really don't want to even talk to her again. I'm just glad someone isn't pretending to be me, and stalking her.

RabbitHoleLost

2008-11-22, 12:16 AM

o rly?

Not comprehending your intent from an action that is at times entirely incomprehensible?

In the hypothetical situation wherein things do turn out wrong, you wouldn't assume even an ounce of responsibility?

This is the last time I'm gonna respond to this, Zero! :smalltongue:
If I don't plan on seeing that person again, I don't see the harm in it. Typically, if it seems to upset said person, I'll apologize and back off.
Its not like I swoop in on whoever looks the easiest.

If its someone I know and see on a regular basis, they usually know I flirt like crazy, or I'll let it slip I flirt like crazy, or something to let the other person know I'm not serious.
Hell, even if I am serious, I don't let them think that, because I'm wimpy when it comes to matters of the heart:smalltongue:
Therefore, if they misconstrue my meaning, even with all that warning and explanation and hinting, I can't really find it in myself to beat myself up over it.

Ninja Chocobo- If that really is a serious statement, I'm sorry you've come to that opinion of me, as unnecessary as I think it is.

Jeez. If I knew so many people would swoop down on me because of one little half-hearted comment I made...

Syka

2008-11-22, 12:20 AM

Tarnag, that's pretty hysterical. Hey, it makes for a good story at least. :smallwink:

Cheers,
Syka

Pyrian

2008-11-22, 01:01 AM

some people have some serious anger issues... maybe we could have a thread for that too so as not to sully this oneRight, a GitP thread inviting in all the angry people to talk about the things that make them mad. I can't see anything going wrong with that. :smallamused:

Lemur

2008-11-22, 01:11 AM

RabbitHoleLost

2008-11-22, 01:24 AM

RHL- Flirting is serious business, I guess. :/ I remember it wasn't that long ago that another poster took a lot of flak for not reigning in his flirty friends to "save" his girlfriend's feelings as well.

You should be aware that your statement "You're responsible for how you feel" (correct me if I misinterpreted) isn't terribly sympathetic to others. I actually agree with that standpoint, since I think that people should take responsibility for their feelings, and I've said as much to others before, but it never goes over well with them. Besides, any feelings hurt from misinterpreted flirting should heal fairly quickly, so I don't want to give you the impression that I'm criticizing you, just that it's better to understand that taking a hard-liner stance isn't likely to endear people to you.

I hope that came out right.

Oh, I understand what you mean, and I agree.
The thing is, if I weren't so careful to make it plain I'm not intent on following up with my flirting, I would take responsibility for any hurt or pain that would be inflicted.
However, since I typically make it well known I'm a flirt and that I don't mean anything by it, I can't really bring myself to feel responsible.
Its a bit like saying "Oh, watch out, in about two feet you're going to walk into a pole."
And the person not listening, and walking into the pole anyways.

...if that makes any sense?

Felixaar

2008-11-22, 05:19 AM

Jeez. If I knew so many people would swoop down on me because of one little half-hearted comment I made...

*hugs* don't listen to 'em Rabbs. You're you and should be proud of that.

Also, glad to hear thats all sorted, Tar. Hope you dont mind if I change the ending somewhat for my story though...

Coidzor

2008-11-22, 05:33 AM

haha I found out who my "doppleganger" was. Basically another guy on the tib forums. He messaged me last night. i've edited the user names out and several pieces of others personal information.
[*snip*] I'm just glad someone isn't pretending to be me, and stalking her.

Now just to make sure he doesn't start stalking her for the lulz or go after you...

Felix: There can be only one? Or something like that movie Face-off?

In other news... What's the LCD Measure of a Romantic? I found myself wondering this after watching the argument over whether those who were not romantic were evil or not, and who the heck would bother to think they were evil in the first place?...

Sub_Zero

2008-11-22, 06:08 AM

some people have some serious anger issues... maybe we could have a thread for that too so as not to sully this one

I'm not angry:smallfurious:!! and I'll kill anyone who says I am!!!!
:smalltongue:

Player_Zero

2008-11-22, 09:41 AM

Nopers. At least, not that I remember. Though the Terran science vessel says this if you click on him enough times.

A jib (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jib) is the frontmost sail on a sailing ship. This phrase is, however, an idiom meaning basically, "I like your style."

-_-

Simpsons episode: Season 9, Episode 19, 29 March 1998

Homer: What's a jib?
Captain Tenille: [Laughs] Promote that man.

I also know what a mizzenmast and why you would NOT want to have your timbers shivered.

Serpentine

2008-11-22, 09:58 AM

Afraid I'l never meet a girl who'l like me for who I am, in that way, not friends.

And a bit more depression thread like thing but I don't want to make two reaaally short posts : I asked a friend this morning why I shouldn't commit suicide, and he couldn't give me any reasons, so yeah.:smallfrown:(Don't worry, I'm not comitting suicide, just going on with frustrating fate who's trying to kill me indirectly)1. Cookies.
2. "While there's life, there's hope."
3. You're cute :smallwink:
4. Biscuits.
5. Dogs and cats.
6. Animals in general.
7. Tasty foodstuffs.
7b. Bakedgoods, such as cookies.
8. Sesame Street.
9. Double chocolate chip biscuits, the ones that are crunchy on the outside and chewy in the middle.
10. Pleasant conversation.

There, I came up with 10 in about a minute :smalltongue:

Krytha

2008-11-22, 10:06 AM

Lol, I guess this could start a new chapter on relationship woes and how to solve them. Dear gitp, there is someone in the forum who does not like me, what should I do?

Tarnag40k

2008-11-22, 11:01 AM

*hugs* don't listen to 'em Rabbs. You're you and should be proud of that.

Also, glad to hear thats all sorted, Tar. Hope you dont mind if I change the ending somewhat for my story though...

As long as there is pie, I'm happy. Or ninjas, they are awesome. And yes everyone Felixaar wants to write a story inspired by my post, and I get to read it before any of you nah nah. XP.

Afraid I'l never meet a girl who'l like me for who I am, in that way, not friends.

And a bit more depression thread like thing but I don't want to make two reaaally short posts : I asked a friend this morning why I shouldn't commit suicide, and he couldn't give me any reasons, so yeah.:smallfrown:(Don't worry, I'm not comitting suicide, just going on with frustrating fate who's trying to kill me indirectly)

Trust me I was worried about myself, but I've been finding that it's best to not worry about it, concentrate on friends, your hobbies, and everything else in life. Chances are that you are looking way to hard for the right girl and as such you are probably missing all the girls who do like you. It'll happen it just takes it's own time, I had to learn that myself.

Thanatos 51-50

2008-11-22, 12:30 PM

I also know what a mizzenmast and why you would NOT want to have your timbers shivered.

Doesn't shivered timbers have something to do with women of loose virtue? I think I read it somewhere once before.

averagejoe

2008-11-22, 12:54 PM

Quincunx

2008-11-22, 12:55 PM

Lol, I guess this could start a new chapter on relationship woes and how to solve them. Dear gitp, there is someone in the forum who does not like me, what should I do?

A. Ignore it. Even if it's a mod, one voice gets drowned out among thirty frelling thousand.
B. Don't do whatever you did to tick that person off in the first place & wait for their opinion to shift.

xPANCAKEx

2008-11-22, 01:29 PM

Lol, I guess this could start a new chapter on relationship woes and how to solve them. Dear gitp, there is someone in the forum who does not like me, what should I do?

look at this way - they're a stranger. On the internet. They don't have much real sway over your life. Just ignore them, and get on with using this board for its intended purpose - having a laugh

Thanatos 51-50

2008-11-22, 01:54 PM

"Shiver me timbers" is an expression meant to convey shock and awe. Timbers are the wooden support frames of a ship. In choppy water the ship could be lifted up and plopped down so hard that the timbers would shake and "shiver." Naturally this was quite startling.

The mizzen-mast is the third mast, or the mast immediately aft (that's behind, for all you landlubbers) the main-mast, which is the tallest mast.

I knew the mizzenmast part, and nowaday, we just call that effect "Heavy Seas" (Alternately, "Heavy Rolls"). It usually follows a command to secure the weather decks to all non-essential personnel.
This is a very unpleasent effect, especially towards the fore or aft of the ship. Guess where I work when I go underway?
Now, guess where I berth. (Thats "sleep", landlubbers!)

Lol, I guess this could start a new chapter on relationship woes and how to solve them. Dear gitp, there is someone in the forum who does not like me, what should I do?

I'm pretty sure there are people on these forums that hate me with an ubridled passion. Ignore it. Just as you're not going to like everyone, not everyone is going to like you. Its a fact of life.

Syka

2008-11-22, 02:21 PM

I just found out he hasn't been making female friends because he didn't want me to worry. *rolls eyes* I told him I appreciated, but then got on him for assuming about it. Heh.

Basically, as I told him, I'm cool with him hanging out with other girls...in a group of people, not alone; like how I am with my guy friends. He's silly, and I appreciate it, but I feel bad now since he knows I'd never ask him to do that.

He did get one thing right- any jealousy I have is not because of girls. It might be a slight bit stronger if it's girls he's hanging out with (who I don't know), but I get jealous if he's hanging out with the guys to. As he said, he only gets jealous if I'm going out while he's at home and it's pretty much exactly the same for me. :) Hence why it was silly of him to avoid making female friends.

As for the aforementioned girl, he sent me a clip of a message she'd sent him. I think she is "one of us", as we put it. So...I'm not worried and I'm actually looking forward to meeting her so I can maybe get a new friend (She's currently watching Firefly...<3).

Cheers,
Syka

Player_Zero

2008-11-22, 03:03 PM

Doesn't shivered timbers have something to do with women of loose virtue? I think I read it somewhere once before.

No. When your timbers were shivered it meant exactly what it sounds like. The timbers of your ship were being 'shivered' by the force of the water. Later it then became a saying of sorts, but that's its original meaning.

Quincunx

2008-11-22, 03:04 PM

It's retro night in Quincunx's head, with two social topics on this board rehashing memories of less peaceful times. One question from back then, which hasn't been answered here yet. . .what do you do when a friend or acquaintance is slowly, demonstrably losing grip on reality? There's plenty of advice available for depressives and friends with eating disorders, but not so much for people who are just plain nuts.

Thanatos 51-50

2008-11-22, 03:06 PM

No. When your timbers were shivered it meant exactly what it sounds like. The timbers of your ship were being 'shivered' by the force of the water. Later it then became a saying of sorts, but that's its original meaning.

I could have sworn it was a euphamisim for the clap.

Quin -
All I can think of is to provide an emotional/psychological anchor when and where possible.

Player_Zero

2008-11-22, 03:10 PM

This is a very unpleasent effect, especially towards the fore or aft of the ship. Guess where I work when I go underway?
Now, guess where I berth. (Thats "sleep", landlubbers!)
The moon?

The sky?

France?

Latitude = -64.5484, Longitude = 12.8320 ?

Pyrian

2008-11-22, 04:40 PM

One question from back then, which hasn't been answered here yet. . .what do you do when a friend or acquaintance is slowly, demonstrably losing grip on reality? There's plenty of advice available for depressives and friends with eating disorders, but not so much for people who are just plain nuts.Generally speaking, losing touch with reality falls under the schizophrenia (or at least schizotypal) category. Scary stuff. Professional help is recommended.

Otherwise... Stress tends to be a key ingredient, so that's the best potential avenue for a friend to address. Judging them (and their, erm, "unique perspective") too harshly is IMO likely to be counter-productive. Simply providing a good ear can help calm them down, especially when they're in the "nobody listens to my unique perspective" sort of phase.

Coidzor

2008-11-22, 04:52 PM

The moon?

The sky?

France?

Latitude = -64.5484, Longitude = 12.8320 ?

with the fishes obviously...

Seriously though, what makes a person a romantic? Or is there no consensus at all on the subject?

sktarq

2008-11-22, 04:59 PM

Pyrian

2008-11-22, 05:04 PM

Seriously though, what makes a person a romantic?Here's how it is from the IMO closest person to an "authority" on the subject:

http://books.google.com/books?id=tglJmZ40T10C&pg=PA140&lpg=PA140&dq=the+gospel+according+to+godek&source=bl&ots=ZiCGekn9f2&sig=5H2iWxdvkzrEEHY28VviFY-BMS4&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=1&ct=result

Felixaar

2008-11-22, 07:11 PM

I assume you nautical geniuses also know that a poop deck is NOT what you think it is.

...heh. "I just thought you might need some more seamen on your poop deck."

As for friends losing their grip on reality... it might be a good idea to talk to their family about it and see if you can get them to take any action.

Coidzor

2008-11-22, 07:16 PM

Apparently being pooped means something different as well.

So... What, being romantic is to be more concerned with shows of affection than eros?

Vampiric

2008-11-22, 07:46 PM

Isn't eros technically a show of affection anyway? :smallconfused:

Klose_the_Sith

2008-11-22, 07:49 PM

Player_Zero

2008-11-22, 08:15 PM

Apparently being pooped means something different as well.

So... What, being romantic is to be more concerned with shows of affection than eros?

Pretty much.

...Pooped means knackered.

Pyrian

2008-11-22, 09:22 PM

So... What, being romantic is to be more concerned with shows of affection than eros?Of course. On the one hand, romance can be faked. On the other hand, someone very much in love can be utterly unromantic (in fact, that seems to be pretty common).

Felixaar

2008-11-22, 10:02 PM

Aint that the truth.

skywalker

2008-11-22, 10:05 PM

Isn't eros technically a show of affection anyway? :smallconfused:

No, Eros(derivatives like erotic...) is more like physical love, lust, etc.

For many, romance involves doing "sweet" or "cute" things for one's partner(or intended partner).

I think the best description of a romantic is "one who is very expressive of and focused his love." Romeo and Juliet would be considered a romantic play. Romeo never brings Juliet flowers, Never offers her his coat, never does any of those things. But he is still a quintessential romantic. This is because he's very expressive of and, somewhat obsessively, focused on his love.

Hadrian_Emrys

2008-11-22, 10:30 PM

skywalker

2008-11-22, 11:20 PM

Romeo and Juliet isn't a love story. It's a warning of the potential dangers of juvenile infatuation if left unchecked by rational thought... -in addition to being political commentary, since The Poet was a huge fan of that.

He asked for a popular definition of romantic...

I think I gave a pretty good account.

...

Are you trying to tell me "Shakespeare in Love" wasn't accurate? :smalleek:

Copacetic

2008-11-23, 01:55 AM

So I have this friend......

Crap. I was hoping to start this post in a different way than that, but oh well.
So I have this friend, And her Codename is S. And She's very intresting. And I've already asked her if she wanted to see a movie via Facebook, because I share two brief classes with her during the day. It wasn't entirely romantic, it wasn't entirely platonic, but I think my intentions were pretty clear either way. She says " Have you asked anyway else" I say "...No" She Says " Sorry, I'm busy." " I say "Next weekend?" She Says " Busy then too. We're going to IMEA dummy. ( I had forgetten about the district music festival. We both play Violin.) I pretty much gave up there, but S started being extra friendly all week. Sitting closer, Just being.. closer. So I was thinking about asking her to see the New Twillight movie( She is a total cultisit), but was wondering if this was a good idea. Thoughts?

Coidzor

2008-11-23, 02:10 AM

Crap. I was hoping to start this post in a different way than that, but oh well.
So I have this friend, And her Codename is S. And She's very interesting. And I've already asked her if she wanted to see a movie via Facebook, because I share two brief classes with her during the day. It wasn't entirely romantic, it wasn't entirely platonic, but I think my intentions were pretty clear either way. She says " Have you asked anyway else" I say "...No" She Says " Sorry, I'm busy." " I say "Next weekend?" She Says " Busy then too. We're going to IMEA dummy. ( I had forgotten about the district music festival. We both play Violin.) I pretty much gave up there, but S started being extra friendly all week. Sitting closer, Just being.. closer. So I was thinking about asking her to see the New Twilight movie( She is a total cultist), but was wondering if this was a good idea. Thoughts?

Sounds like she was basically chewing you out for doing it over the internet rather than IRL. Which, I'm just going by conjecture and using guesswork here, seems to indicate, along with her reported behavior that she is amicable to the idea, just you have to approach her in the "right" way, especially if she's a cultist type of twilight fan.

The movie. Well. Know what you're getting yourself into and how she feels about it, really, before making such a move. I might be faint of heart, but I've always felt sickened whenever I've seen a girl I liked obsessing over something both unreal and unappetizing. Call me egotistical, which I probably am, but for other reasons in addition to this example... What darkness dwells in mankind's hearts and that rot...

Copacetic

2008-11-23, 02:18 AM

Sounds like she was basically chewing you out for doing it over the internet rather than IRL. Which, I'm just going by conjecture and using guesswork here, seems to indicate, along with her reported behavior that she is amicable to the idea, just you have to approach her in the "right" way, especially if she's a cultist type of twilight fan.

The movie. Well. Know what you're getting yourself into and how she feels about it, really, before making such a move. I might be faint of heart, but I've always felt sickened whenever I've seen a girl I liked obsessing over something both unreal and unappetizing. Call me egotistical, which I probably am, but for other reasons in addition to this example... What darkness dwells in mankind's hearts and that rot...

I don't mind the Twillight. If she Scores Robert Pattison I will willing sit down and shut up.

Okay, now I need a means to ask S to aforementioned movie. Ideas?

Coidzor

2008-11-23, 02:23 AM

I don't mind the Twillight. If she Scores Robert Pattison I will willing sit down and shut up.

Okay, now I need a means to ask S to aforementioned movie. Ideas?

hmm... So you're fourteen. Hmm. Do you have her digits? And what are these two classes you have with her?

Copacetic

2008-11-23, 02:26 AM

hmm... So you're fourteen. Hmm. Do you have her digits? And what are these two classes you have with her?

YES... I can see it all coming together in my head now... my new phone, a 7 digit string of numbers, and two tickets.. and a shiny watermelon... actually, scratch that last bit.

Oh, Ochestra and (Ugh) Math. I sit kinda close to her in Orchestra, and Opposite sides of the room in Math.

EDIT:And No digits, though I will be collecting all my friends digits tomorrow.

Coidzor

2008-11-23, 02:29 AM

YES... I can see it all coming together in my head now... my new phone, a 7 digit string of numbers, and two tickets.. and a shiny watermelon... actually, scratch that last bit.

Oh, Ochestra and (Ugh) Math. I sit kinda close to her in Orchestra, and Opposite sides of the room in Math.

How flexible is seating in math and what kind of window of time do you have before/after class to interact? Share lunch periods? Can you alter your schedule/carrying habits enough to gain some extra time to get early if need be?

Don't worry, the watermelon can still figure into the picture, but make sure she likes it first... Or at least might enjoy spitting seeds from some rooftop or another or something.... yeah... <_< >_>

Copacetic

2008-11-23, 02:33 AM

No change in Math, none, yes, barely.

In order.

Actually, the Watermelon might be because it's 2:00 in the morning here and I'm bat@#!$ insane and this has been rattling around inside my head.

Rawhide

2008-11-23, 02:39 AM

No change in Math, none, yes, barely.

In order.

Actually, the Watermelon might be because it's 2:00 in the morning here and I'm bat@#!$ insane and this has been rattling around inside my head.

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/funny-pictures-cat-bird-egg-watermelon.jpg

Coidzor

2008-11-23, 02:48 AM

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/funny-pictures-cat-bird-egg-watermelon.jpg

Rawhide... You truly are one of the chaos gods of the id... Or something...

Hmm.

No lunch break? Inconceivable.

And those two classes are the only reliable means of contact with her in school?

If so, pick the first one as the broaching time, and relegate the second time you see her that day as the backup attempt if you get interrupted or something else comes up. Then again, if the fire alarms aren't closely monitored and you have enough connections... No... No that's probably a bad idea even if it were safe.

So I think you've worked out a when. My only real sentiments about the "what" of asking her would be to ham it up, but only a little bit, by pointing out the whole "ask me in person" messages by something along the lines of, "since you asked so very nicely that I be able to admire your perfume when I did so, well, your wish is granted..." but y'know, tempered into the language people actually do use.

Hmm, it occurs to me that if she's as big a fan as you make her out to be (which is, I'd say, about middling-big), she's probably already seen it or has made plans to see it with a gaggle of girlfriends...

Copacetic

2008-11-23, 02:54 AM

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/funny-pictures-cat-bird-egg-watermelon.jpg
Teheheheheh.

Whoops, most of done those wrong. Yes, I do sit with her at lunch. Most of the time.
And a course she has seen it already. why wouldn't she want to see it twice?
And okay. Plan is set. Here goes to socks, because I hate getting cold feet. *salute*

Coidzor

2008-11-23, 03:01 AM

Good Luck and Godspeed (which is anywhere between 1, 3, 7, 12, and 50 times the speed of the plot) then.

Seems like the bases are covered enough for the plan to be planulated and the form to be formulated and the action acted upon.

averagejoe

2008-11-23, 03:42 AM

I knew the mizzenmast part, and nowaday, we just call that effect "Heavy Seas" (Alternately, "Heavy Rolls"). It usually follows a command to secure the weather decks to all non-essential personnel.
This is a very unpleasent effect, especially towards the fore or aft of the ship. Guess where I work when I go underway?
Now, guess where I berth. (Thats "sleep", landlubbers!)

I'm actually only as nautical as Wikipedia. Landlubber actually describes me pretty accurately. :smallcool:

Are you trying to tell me "Shakespeare in Love" wasn't accurate?

Whatever Shakespeare's intent, you have to admit that it's a pretty silly idea of love. I mean, suicide pacts? Really? That's, as they say, more liking the idea of love than actually being in love. It isn't love when you just can't live without them.

Romance is an art, not a science.

I really loathe that expression. Guess what, smart guy? Science is more of an art than a science. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

H. Zee

2008-11-23, 06:25 AM

Right. I'm going to spill out all my (probably pretty cliched) woes here, and hope that the hive-mind provides me with advice.

I have this friend. (Sigh, that probably sums it up already, but I'll keep going. Let's call her Friend A.) I have a crush upon Friend A, but I hid it from everyone because I thought one of my best male friends (who we'll call Friend B) had a crush on her as well, and he was 'there first.' So to speak.

So the day before yesterday I was waiting to meet Friend B at a bus stop to go to our martial arts club. Friend B is late, and as I'm waiting there, I see another male friend of mine (who we'll call Friend C) approaching.

Friend C is a gay guy who's notorious for being a huge gossip. He's also not really a friend of mine, more of an acquaintance with whom I'm on fairly good terms. And he's also a good friend of Friend A.

So I talk to Friend C for a while, and somehow the subject moves on to Friend A. He asks me, straightforwardly, "Do you fancy her?"

At this point, I stare at him stupidly for a while, then say, "No. Well, yes. Um, I dunno." And he's staring at me, and I realise with slowly dawning horror that he knows now that I have a crush on her, and he knows I know he knows. While I'm still paralysed with horror, his bus arrives and he leaves on it, before I can tell him not to tell her. So now the biggest gossip in my school knows about this crush I have.

At this point, Friend B arrives. I realise that, pretty soon, everyone will know about my feelings for Friend A, so I decide to tell him so he doesn't hear about it from anyone else. But then it turns out, nope, he's completely over Friend A now, she's just a friend, and has been for weeks. So, I'm thinking, on the one hand 'great,' on the other hand, 'crap.' Because I'm pretty sure that Friend A will hear about my crush on her from Friend C before the weekend is over, and I have no idea what to do - I wanted to tell her myself, but it's pretty much too late for that now.

That's probably complicated enough already, but I'll also throw in the fact that there are (hopefully groundless) rumours that Friend A is a lesbian.

Sheesh. Apologies for the wall of text. I'm not sure what advice you can give me really, but I wanted to confess all this to someone and then I was on the Interwebz anyway... so I came here.

Any ideas on what I should do?

JeminiZero

2008-11-23, 07:44 AM

Because I'm pretty sure that Friend A will hear about my crush on her from Friend C before the weekend is over, and I have no idea what to do - I wanted to tell her myself, but it's pretty much too late for that now.

Listing options:

1. Call up friend C, check whether he has told her. If he hasn't, express to him, that you would like to tell her personally, and ask him not to spill the beans for now. Then tell her (preferably face to face) as quickly as you can since you can't know for sure how long he can keep the beans unspilled.

2. If he has told her, next step would then be damage control (of sorts). Again, talk to her, preferably face to face, and find out how she feels. Just because she found out about it through someone else, doesn't mean your relatonship is doomed.

*Caveat: Take my advice with a bucket of salt, since I am new to this thread and have never been attached.