D&D Snippets

[Machuchang]

Cast of Characters
or That Pesky Paladin

Well, as much as it sucks having Silver dead, I'm really enjoying her replacement! This snippet was short and sweet, and incredibly enjoyable. I loved all the little details that Terryn used throughout it. She has a very distinctive voice that sort of reminds me of secret agents. I'm looking forward to learning more about her, especially her relationship with Lester and Silver. I'm really curious to see how things go for Terryn from here. Fantastic work!

The Host of a Thousand Princes
Or: Endgame

Dude, you are such a master. I love how this story really just throws the reader right into the thick of things! The way you mention all the parts of the world, like the organizations and locations, without really going into detail about them creates a very nice sense of displacement and really captures the feel of a world that is right in the middle of some groundbreaking events. Though granted, it could get a little confusing at times.

In contrast, the physical details, such as the soldiers nervously clutching their weapons, were absolutely magnificent. They always felt really crisp and natural, and had a great flow that just made them a pleasure to read. My favorite though, had to be the description of the sniper girl. Something about the neutral way her appearance and emotions were described really hit home for me, and I felt like that was the most powerful scene in the snippet.

All in all, I felt the snippet was just incredible. Definitely one of my favorites. I'm really looking forward to reading Spring and Autumn!

just how did Cog Skulltaker get his axe?

This one is just too good! Cog Skulltaker is a great character, and he probably has the coolest name in this thread! The Skulltaker has a very prominent and distinctive voice, which lends itself very well to the reminiscing style of the narrative and the way he constantly voices his opinions to the reader.

The snippet was incredibly entertaining, and I especially loved all the little details in his interactions with the other characters. My favorite part, though, had to be when he meets the guards while covered in blood. That part had me in hysterics! Awesome work!

Marc's background - second draft

This one was really interesting. I love how it starts off with a relatively mundane morning routine, and suddenly takes off into something much more at the end. That was very well executed and quite interesting! I also enjoyed how Marc loves books and has a casual relationship with the bookstore owner. Those details really seemed to mesh for me and made Marc seem a lot more realistic. So great job there!

However, the story did feel a little like it was rushed. Some of sentences, particularly this one in the beginning:

A human, and yet so much more, I six and a half feet tall.

were just awkward to read and pulled the reader out of the story. I would probably go over it real quick just to see if it could be streamlined a bit. I feel that that would really help turn this snippet from a good one into a great one!


Also, sorry for disappearing for so long! I had a lot going on with schoolwork, my math final, and visiting colleges, and my internet has been spotty at best as of late, so it's been difficult to keep up with the snippets.

On the bright side, inspiration has once again returned to me, and I've got a lot of great ideas for stories! The only problem is, I have so much inspiration, I've kind of been flitting back and forth between them and not really finishing anything...

Anyway, enough of my excuses! I actually have one snippet finished! One very short, kind of forced snippet, but it serves as a sort of starting point for this cascade of very important snippets, so it's kind of necessary.

This one's about Natalia.

Before the Battle

(or It's difficult to come up with a name for this one)

Spoiler

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A chill went down my spine as I set foot on the drawbridge. It was still dark out, and the freezing fall winds were blowing more strongly than ever. Behind me, I heard the tramp of the Imperial soldiers as they took their formations. They were the Emperor’s finest. They were the bravest men in the country. And now, they were my army.

This was it.

The Crownbreaker tents seemed to cross the whole horizon. There had to be thousands of them. Maybe even more. And they were just a few mere miles away. The red glow of their campfires bled into the early morning clouds like some horrific gash in the sky.

Varen grasped my hand.

“Are you going to be alright?” I could feel the tension in his hand as he slid his fingers through mine. He was scared. Scared for me, that idiot. I would be fine! He should've known that I could take care of myself by now!

But still, it was sweet in a Varen sort of way, and I did want to comfort him. To let him know that everything would be alright in the end.

“Of course,” I gave him a little smile. “Why wouldn’t I be? There’s nothing to worry about. We’ll both be fine!” I tried to sound confident and reassuring, but my words felt more hollow than anything. Hell, I guess I was a little worried too. Still, he seemed to appreciate the sentiment.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!” I groaned in mock irritation. “Just watch out for yourself, you big dummy!” I laughed as I gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

Then the sky exploded.

From out of the Crownbreaker camps rose a giant column of flame, filling the air and landscape in blood red light. And out of that column came scores upon scores of dark, fiendish shapes. Their twisted bodies crowded the sky, and their unearthly shrieks filled the air.

“Are-Are those demons?!” Varen gasped in shock.

“Looks like it,” I muttered grimly, trying to keep my own emotions in check.

DAMN! This was bad! This was very bad!


Those were new!

So yeah. Also, here are some of the other ideas for snippets I have that I need to work on. If you have any preferences for what should come next, please let me know so I can better focus myself.

Spoiler

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-The Siege of Festungberg: Varen fights in a siege
-Two Too Tall: Varen meets some dwarves
-Eat Your Heart Out: Natalia vs. The Hearteater
-You're Awfully Small for a Sociopath: Abigail finds out who's been stealing all the goods from the town
-There Is No Legal Term To Properly Describe The Magnitude Of What You Have Done: Abigail keeps getting in trouble with the law (takes place WAY after the events I've covered)
-Legacy: Tavor meets the most important person in his life
-Tears in the Desert:Why Tavor wants to go home
-Caravan: Tavor meets the party
-Another Day, Another Felony: New character! Richard Sykes, steampunk pirate sniper with an unintentionally offensive Cockney/Stereotypical British/Aussie/Who Knows accent.

Okay, that's it. Sorry for the walls upon walls of text.