So, our armies are pants. That is unquestionable.

But what kind of pants? If we march into the Realm at the head of a legion of tie-die bell bottoms, they're going to think we're a pride parade.

So! I have combed the books for the most mystical of pants, and I have found the solution. Gentlemen?

Moonsilver Pantaloons.

We animate them, slap an essence cannon or two on, and we have an army that can both conquer and give our enemy's wives the best sex of their lives.