My point was that you yourself don't use the words "male" and "female" in line with the definitions you laid out. Your definition and use broadly agree, but they're not the same thing - secondary sexual characteristics are much more controlled by hormones than sex organs, and the tertiary/quaternary stuff is almost entirely cultural. It seems pretty clear that more definitions are required so that we can actually talk about the social reality, instead of reducing it to a medical/biological discussion that misses the experience of the people involved.

It might explain why you can't understand how it could hurt to be misgendered - you've defined trans people out of existence before you've even started, so it's not surprising that you can't reconcile trans experience within these definitions.